05x10 - The Great British Fake Off

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Legends of Tomorrow"...

How did you do that? How did I do that?

Remember when we dented history?

By building Heyworld, we changed the future.

What you think of as a haunting is a temporal echo.

She is the you before you.

Zari, no! What is that?

You can't k*ll me.

No! I'm a god.

♪♪ We're being hunted by a pair of bloody gods.

The situation just got a hell of a lot more dicey.

Behrad is dead. Can that Loom bring him back?

If we get the last piece, yeah.

[LIGHT STRING MUSIC]

♪♪ Oh, there you are.

It's always the artsy types with you, ain't it?

How many times must I tell you my powers are not a tool for your amusement, Clotho?

Wait, wait, wait, time out.

But you did look different at the time, though, right?

Shapeshifter. 'Course I did.

But it makes the story easier to imagine if you just picture me.

Yeah, just pay attention. Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, then she said her magic word...

Enchantress.

I imagine this has something to do with your theft of the Loom of Fate?

You disapprove?

No.

Humanity's status quo should be shaken up every few millennia.

It's good for them.

Well, I'm glad you think so, because this is a pretty big shake-up.

I need to make sure that no one ever finds this.

Not even me, and especially not Lachesis.

You think you can do that?

Question. La-who?

Lachesis, she's my elder sister.

And also the Leader of the Fates.

Now, she's a real master manipulator.

Atropos kills because Lachesis wills it.

It is you, Clotho, that has the difficult task.

What, running and hiding?

I'm relieving you of a piece of the Loom that has been your entire reason for existence.

Now that you are free of it, it'll be up to you to determine what, if anything, is left of Clotho in its wake.

All I need is to make sure that that ring is never found.

Existential actualization can come later.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

[WHOOSHING]

You cannot run forever, Clotho.

♪♪ And that is the last thing that I remember.

You have no idea what spell Enchantress cast?

Well, that would kind of defeat the whole point of going to her, now wouldn't it?

But Charlie, all we need is the third ring to bring Behrad back... And now you're telling us it's impossible to find?

Maybe you could've mentioned that before your sister got on the ship?

See, this is exactly the kind of thing I was afraid would happen. Stop.

Passing blame is not gonna help anything.

I'm sorry, Z.

This Enchantress is a witch, right?

Well, we have whatever it is you are.

So do some hocus pocus and find the ring.

Yeah, well, it's not as simple as finding Atropos's ring, love.

Locating something hidden by someone as powerful as Enchantress, that can take months, maybe even years.

I don't accept that.

Behrad is gone and he's not coming back until you find the ring.

So figure it out, magic man.

♪♪ Fast.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪♪

[EXCITING MUSIC]

♪♪

[SOLEMN MUSIC]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hey.

You know, um, I'm here for you if you ever want to talk about Behrad.

We're getting him back.

There is no point in dwelling on it, because everything's gonna be fine.

Totally. By the way, uh, when I went on that totem journey thing, I met the other me.

Really?

♪♪ How... how is she?

She's great.

Tough, cool...

You must have a thing for warrior women.

Only if they're from another time period and eventually will leave me, sure.

[CLEARS THROAT] Did she have a message for me?

No.

But I can tell she really cares about you.

I really care about her.

And just so you know, I, um, I care about you too.

♪♪ Oh, all right, lovebirds, look, I think I've got something.

Now, it won't be pretty, but it might just work, so come on, chop-chop!

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

♪♪ _

[SIGHS]

[EERIE WHOOSHING]

Sara, are you there?

Hey, Sara?

Sara? You all right?

Yeah, I just, um...

It was nothing. I'm good.

Listen, you got hit full-force with the power of Atropos.

Yeah. I know you survived, but there could still be repercussions.

Charlie, look, I'm telling you, I'm completely fine, all right?

Assassin's honor.

Fine.

All right, you lot, listen up.

Our Lachesis's ring could be anywhere in space and time.

I'm gonna need to borrow a little bit of magical energy off you lot to help amplify the summoning spell.

Exactly how does that work? It's easy.

All you need to do is keep your mouths shut and let me use your auras like batteries.

Is this safe? It doesn't sound safe.

It isn't. Any more questions?

Good, let's hold hands. [SIGHS]

O circule, te vocavi ad hunc locum et tempus.

Veni hic, te iubeo.

Whoa, this feels weird.

It is weird.

Kinda like that time we went mushroom picking.

Focus, or you'll botch the bloody spell!

Vincio cum hunc loco.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪♪

Sara! Focus!

Vincio ad hunc tempori!

♪♪

[YELLS]

♪♪

[GROANS]

[SCOFFS]

Where is everyone?

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUNTS]

Wait, something happened.

Oh, bollocks.

When everyone lost focus, I'd successfully bound the ring to the house, but I was still working to anchor it temporally.

So you, me, and the ring have been whooshed into the past?

Good work.

It's magic, love, it's more of an art than a science.

Mm-hmm. [GASPS]

Oh, my, are those guests? I didn't hear the bell ring.

Well, hello. I'm Mrs. Hughes.

I'm so sorry to keep you waiting.

Oh, no bother, love.

This is a lovely, uh, boarding house.

You know, I could see myself living here.

Now where ever did my etui get to?

Oh. Is it that?

[GASPS]

Thank you, my dear.

I would've found it eventually.

Sometimes one just needs to stop looking.

[LAUGHS] Right, totally.

[BELL RINGS] Oh.

Is that another guest already?

It is, indeed.

Dr. White at your service.

Were you two going to book a room, or...

Right you are. Yes, me and my wife here...

Oh, we are not... not married.

[LAUGHS]

Well, I'm afraid I'm a bit traditional.

I don't allow single women to stay in my establishment.

But we are engaged, yay.

Ah, my sincerest congratulations.

Please sign here.

Oh, yes, of course.

[CLEARS THROAT]

And you will be in room number three, upstairs.

Supper is at 8:00, sharp.

Right, thank you. Mr. White.

♪♪ Huh. You know, you should take note.

This place could actually look kind of decent with a bit of TLC.

See what a difference a nice set of curtains can make?

Yeah, all right. Now let's, uh, take stock of our situation, shall we?

Now, I'm assuming you can wield the totem like Behrad.

Mm-mm. I'm just holding onto this for him.

I don't have a superpower.

Unless you count having flawless brows.

I don't.

Oh, and by age 15, I built a social media empire valued at over $500 million.

"The New York Times" called me the most influential influencer of my generation.

Oh, "The New York Times", eh?

Yeah, it's like an app that tells you the news.

So, uh, your superpower is that you're sort of popular?

Aww, calling me "sort of" popular is like calling da Vinci "sort of" a genius.

Great. Got it.

What about you? What exactly do you do, besides wear the same outfit every day and screw up spells? Well, I've banished demons, slain dragons, and walked through the fires of Hell.

I'm a sneaky bastard and the greatest sorcerer that ever lived. Cool, cool, cool.

Do you wanna go ahead and "sorcer" something so we can find the ring and get out of here?

Mm. Yeah. Yeah.

♪♪

Okay, so does that mean it's in there?

Yeah, it seems so. This is the Doctor's room.

Maybe you could, uh, influence him out while I go check it out? Mmm, see?

You need my skill set already.

Yeah, right. Good luck.

♪♪

[CLEARS THROAT]

♪♪ Can I help you? [COUGHS]

I seem to have come down with something, Doctor.

Might you be able to give me a checkup?

Of course. Be happy to help.

Please, come in.

Perhaps we could go down to the sitting room.

I am a newly engaged woman, after all.

I understand.

One moment.

[SIGHS]

Ah.

Hmm.

♪♪ No ring?

We are still looking for one.

And you arrived with no luggage, if I'm not mistaken.

Couldn't wait to get away from the city.

Yes, I could see why your betrothed would want to get you to himself as quickly as possible.

You have a beautiful face.

Oh, thank you. I moisturize.

It's not like my face.

No one remembers my face.

Huh. You know, you could, uh, look into getting a rebranding specialist.

I'm afraid your case is worse than I thought.

I must insist we return to my room for a more thorough examination.

Oh, my gosh. Look at that.

No more cough.

[CHUCKLES]

You are a real miracle worker, Doc.

You should just stay here, relax, have a drink, and I'm gonna... okay, bye-bye.

♪♪

[SIGHS] Ew.

♪♪

[WHISPERING] John!

John?

It seems we did end up in my room, after all.

Shall we begin the examination?

♪♪

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

[BOTH STRUGGLE]

[LOUD cr*ck]

[SIGHS]

John, you k*lled him!

'Course I did. He's Jack the bloody Ripper.

[GASPS] Behind you!

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS] Blimey.

Old Leather Apron here must be an Encore.

Hand me some rope now, will you, love?

[GROANS]

Cheers.

Captain Lance is experiencing unusual activity in the striatum, a region of the brain that processes time.

I am continuing to run tests to determine the cause.

So Atropos not only k*lled Behrad, but also managed to put Sara in a coma.

I don't think the team's gonna survive another run-in with your sister, Charlie.

Well, if we had it my way, we never would've run into her in the first place. Pardon me, but Dr. Heywood and Mr. Green are requesting your presence on the Bridge.

The Prognosticator is showing unusual Encore activity.

Hey.

You got this, Captain.

Right.

Captain.

♪♪ All the Encores are moving through time.

More specifically, they're all heading towards a particular point.

Looks like they're hunting something.

Or someone.

Astra must have sent the Encores after John.

Gideon, pinpoint where and when they're converging.

See, guys? I knew all my time spent creating the Prognosticator would be worth it.

Ava Sharpe saves the day again.

I'm sorry, Captain.

It appears that the Prognosticator is not equipped to handle time-traveling Encores.

[YELLS] Ava, take a deep breath...

You know what? We don't even know if Sara's gonna wake up, and if she does, she's gonna find out that two of the Legends are missing.

This is beyond unacceptable. Let's just sit down.

I'll brew you a cup of your favorite herbal tea...

[GROWLS] I'm not just gonna sit around and do nothing. If we can't track the Encores, we have to go after them at the source... Astra.

I seriously doubt she's just gonna agree to stop doing whatever her current evil plan is.

That's why I'm not gonna give her a choice.

[EXCITING MUSIC]

[SIGHS] Nighty-night, Jackie-boy.

Sweet dreams of disembowelment and all that jazz.

What the hell, John? [SIGHS]

Astra must have sent him here after me.

You know, not everything is about you.

Yeah, well, it'd be a big bloody coincidence if an Encore just happened to show up in the same time and place as us for no apparent reason.

Okay, fine, but I thought you and Astra had a deal?

Clearly she got impatient, all right?

Yeah, I know the feeling.

Did you find the ring?

It wasn't in his room.

Now something is interfering with my magic.

Yeah, some great sorcerer.

Ooh, some great influencer.

You could barely keep him distracted for ten minutes.

Oh, I'm sorry, should I have let myself be serial k*lled so you would've had five more minutes to not find the ring?

[LAUGHS] You know what?

We should split up so we can both find this in peace.

Fine by me, sweetheart.

[BELL RINGS]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

♪♪ Howdy, ma'am. My name's Clyde Barrow.

And my name's Bonnie.

And we're in need of some accommodations.

Bloody hell, they're all Encores.

All right, while I'm down there, you two need to work on fixing the Prognosticator so we can track down Zari and John.

Well, tech is not really... Charlie.

Sure, we'll figure it out.

Um, I feel like somebody has to ask you.

Are you 100% certain you want Gary to take you to Hell?

I was kinda wondering the same thing.

Look, Gary's the only wizard I have access to, and besides, I'm not only taking Gary down there, I'm gonna need some extra muscle too.

Well, thank you for noticing the extra reps I've been putting on the lat machine.

You ready, Mick? Oh.

Oh, Mick, I thought you were taking time off to hang out with the kid?

She told me to go to Hell. Where are we headed?

The portal to Hell is ready, Captain.

All that's left is for... me to drink some of this demon blood.

Come on, Gary. Okay, yeah. Okay.

Ugh.

[GULPS]

Huh. It's actually quite tangy.

Okay, how do we do this?

I will say some words, and then the sigil will transport us to Hell for precisely four hours.

After that, we'll be transported right back here.

Sounds good to me.

Enter. [EXHALES]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪♪ Flesh become my flesh.

Soul become my soul.

Hades, firstborn of Cronus and Rhea, I call upon you.

All right, Mick, get ready to light it up.

[WHIRRING]

♪♪ Beer? Yeah.

♪♪ This was a terrible idea.

Should've worn shoulder pads to blend in.

I like it. There's fire.

Let's just find Astra.

About time we k*lled the bitch.

No! John has been working so hard to rehabilitate her.

Also, I thought we didn't use that word anymore.

You know what? I'm gonna let the B-word slide this time.

She sent a bunch of criminals after our friends.

How do we even find her? What are we supposed to do, just ask a random demon off the street?

[GRUNTS] [g*n WHIRS]

Where's Astra? She's at her club.

Uh, two streets down, make a left.

Wow, I didn't expect that to work.

Thanks, Mickey.

♪♪

[LIGHTER CLICKING]

You know, it's times like this, that I wish I hadn't given up smoking.

Yeah, well, I wish I had brought my own hairbrush.

Guess we're both out of luck.

Why would Astra send so many Encores after me?

I mean, seems like overkill.

Again, maybe it's not all about you.

What if they're after the ring?

You know, I never told Astra about the Loom of Fate, but you might be onto something.

[CLOCK CHIMES]

Oh, look at that. Supper time.

[LAUGHS] You're not seriously suggesting we go dine with Hell-people.

I am seriously suggesting that you stay while I handle it.

I am part of this. [SCOFFS]

And possess far superior social skills.

Yeah, well, you bottled it when Jack the Ripper att*cked.

Look, I can't look after you and figure out what Astra's up to at the same time.

This might be Behrad's totem, but there is a little warrior me inside here from a different timeline and she's gonna protect me.

I don't even know what to say to that.

But I will say this.

Even if I have to tie you up myself, you're staying here.

[THUMPING]

[GRUNTING]

[SIGHS]

Quiesce.

What are you doing? Well, I can't exactly go out there as John Constantine now, can I?

I think I have an idea.

♪♪ Clyde and I were tortured by Manaxos the Mutilator himself.

Your pain was a mere trifle compared to what the Norfulthing did to me.

I thought the Hellhounds were the worst evil a man could suffer.

Who exactly are you that you were worth Norfulthing's time?

I am, of course, King Henry VIII, ruler of the British Empire.

And what crime sent you to Hell?

Mmm. We rob banks.

And I plunder boats.

You may have heard of me. The name's Black Caesar.

Caesar? Ah, and you must be Brutus.

I always favored beheadings over stabbing someone in the back.

Less cowardly.

Supper is ready.

Now, stop dillydallying and come and have a seat before the food gets cold.

♪♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪♪ Excuse me, Miss Astra.

Found this scum lurking by the entrance.

"Lurking" seems like an overly sinister way to describe it... Why are you here, twerp?

John Constantine is outside.

He knows you're impatient with him, but he has the, uh, thing he promised you.

But he doesn't want to come in here and risk being seen.

So if you could take a quick break from eating... bugs and come with me...

Waste my time and I'll let my demonic friends here use you as a human piñata.

[CHOKES]

♪♪

[YELPS]

So that's where Genghis Khan's sword went.

It's over, Astra.

We know you've sent your Encores after John, so don't play coy.

What the hell's an Encore?

It's what we've been calling the corrupted souls that you've been sending back to Earth.

I haven't sent a single "Encore" back to Earth since John and I last spoke.

k*ll her already. Good idea.

Wait, Ava.

What if she's telling the truth?

Come inside and I'll prove it to you.

♪♪ Ah, just in time.

Oh, I love a good carving.

And who the devil are you supposed to be?

I, my friend, am Jack the Ripper.

You got quite the reputation, Jack.

Join us. Cheers, mate.

♪♪ My mistake, sugar.

I would have noticed if the ring was sitting directly in front of me.

So we are all here for the ring.

I don't share me treasure with anyone but me crew.

We've been set up.

And I assume that we all got the same deal, yeah?

The ring in exchange for free rein on Earth.

It would appear we are in direct competition.

So then what the hell are we doing eating dinner?

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

♪♪

Oh, that's a bit on the nose, isn't it, Brutie?

Just so we're all on the same page here, each one of us has a Hell-w*apon and we could well and truly end each other right here, right now.

Clyde, the way I see it, this here Jack the Ripper is our greatest competition.

Yeah, I think you're right, peaches.

Jack here never was caught by the police.

[DOOR CLACKS]

[ENCHANTING MUSIC]

♪♪ Greetings, subjects.

I'm your Queen, Cleopatra.

♪♪

Yes, I see.

They're very big and impressive.

That's not what I came here for.

Great, you all have scary weapons.

Now that we know that, is it really necessary for everyone to get cramps in their arms?

You, of course, remember Brutus?

Yes, of course.

"It was not that I loved Caesar less but that I loved Rome more".

We never had the chance of meeting before.

Mmm. But I would have thought my m*rder of your lover would be unforgivable.

Damn skippy. k*ll him.

I'm not a petty despot ruled by past grievances.

I'm a strategist.

The most sensible thing to do is to work together.

As soon as one of us finds the ring, it's off to the Pits for the rest.

You're just gonna accept that?

As soon as we have the ring in our hands, we have all the power.

We can march right into Hell and demand our freedom.

Hey, hear, hear to that, eh?

All right.

Now, let's eat, okay?

Okay.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[HEAVY ROCK MUSIC]

So where's the lug-head?

Rory's guarding our exit, and he enjoying some entertainment.

Yeah, I'll definitely be seeing that one again down here.

Oh, you're no fun.

Now, this is where I keep all my soul coins, and as you can see, they're all right...

♪♪ Did you lose something?

♪♪

[RINGER BUZZES]

No one with an "executive privacy" button has good intentions.

My vault is empty.

Besides me, you're the only one with access, Tiberius.

Care to explain?

Is this one of those human pranks?

You had me take them out for you last week.

Like hell I did. I swear it.

I saw you myself.

A shapeshifter.

Damn it!

[YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

[BODY THUDS]

Oh, don't look at me like that.

He'll be fine in a few hours.

Better, even, 'cause he'll have learned to be less gullible.

At least the most valuable one is still...

♪♪ Who the hell Vandal Savage?

Oh, I actually know that one. He's...

Shut up.

I can't believe she did this to me.

Wait, you know who stole your coins?

Yeah.

But she's... too powerful for me to take on.

Okay, well, what if you had backup, you know?

Enemy of my enemy sort of thing.

Fine.

But this will require stealth.

Wakey-wakey.

The boys stay here.

♪♪ Now that was influencing.

You really think there's saint's chance in Hell that your truce is gonna hold?

May I remind you that one of them is ruddy Brutus!

Sorry, was that some weird British-y way of saying, "Thank you for saving my life, Zari"?

[LAUGHS] Yeah, okay, all right.

I was in a bit of a pickle, I admit it.

But may I suggest that we use the few minutes that you bought us to go and look for the ring?

Shh.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪♪

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪♪

[g*n COCKS]

Sorry about this, hon.

Please, don't.

Don't be scared.

"The evil that men do lives after them", and all that.

♪♪ So who's this being we're going to see?

The woman who found me terrified and alone when John left me to rot down here.

She took me in and raised me, taught me how to make it in Hell.

Wow, and now she's betrayed you.

She was the one person I thought I could trust.

Everything I am, I owe to her.

You know, I don't know if that's some sob story or what, Astra, but I know how you feel.

Really? Yeah.

I think it's a pretty specific story.

Yeah, well, I had a mentor once.

Guy's name was Rip. I trusted him with my life until I found out that he fabricated all my memories to make me good at my job.

That's awful.

So what did you do when you found out?

Did you k*ll him? Ooh.

[CHUCKLES] I wanted to so bad.

But you know what? The one thing I learned is, the only way to keep going is to take control of your life.

Stop letting everybody act like they know what's best for you and make your own choices, you know?

What the?

[SCOFFS]

So it was a sob story, after all.

No, it was the truth.

Thanks for the therapy session.

Don't have too much fun without me, boys.

I'll be back soon.

♪♪

Show me the treasure I seek.

[WHOOSHING]

Yeah, that compass must have some sort of Hell powers.

He's using it to track the ring.

Okay, then we need to get the compass.

All right, I'll grab it. Hey, I'm going with you.

♪♪ All right, follow me.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪♪ Oh.

Whoo-ee!

[CLEARS THROAT]

♪♪ Hey.

♪♪

[CHUCKLES]

Well, that was bloody convenient, wasn't it?

Yeah.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

♪♪ I tried to fight them, just like Rory.

You folded like a cheap deck of cards, you bum.

[GRUNTS] Easy.

It's okay, Gary. I totally got played by Astra.

♪♪ On the bright side, there's not much time left on the sigil.

We'll pop back to the Waverider soon enough.

Um, about that.

I'm the one who cast the spell, so I'll pop back to the Waverider, along with anyone who's touching me when the time runs out.

Sorry.

Didn't I mention that?

BOTH: No!

Listen, you dweeb, I gotta get out of here.

I got a thing.

What thing?

Lita has a soccer match.

She didn't invite me, but I'm inviting myself.

Sorry, Rory. And I refuse to die here without getting to know my daughter.

Do we understand each other?

What position does she play? Gary.

♪♪

[SIGHS] Hold on, we were here just a minute ago.

John, we're going in circles.

Yeah, it seems like it's not just my magic that's wonky in this place.

Okay, magic or no, there's so many people looking for this ring... it should've turned up by now.

It's like... [SCOFFS]

It doesn't want to be found.

Hold on a minute, you might be on to something.

"Sometimes you just have to stop looking", right?

Why would we stop looking?

Because I'm beginning to suspect that the spell on the ring is of a particular breed.

So if you want to find the ring, you can't find it.

[LAUGHS]

You have got to hand it to Enchantress.

She is a crafty one.

Okay, it's not just gonna slip our minds, so what do we do?

♪♪ We drink.

♪♪

[INDISTINCT SCREAMING]

I know what you did, Lachesis.

♪♪ Who's she?

Astra, my dear, I'd like you to meet my sister Atropos.

I have wanted you two to meet for quite some time now.

Your sister?

We've worn many faces in our long lives, but we are family.

Anything you need to say to me you can say in front of her.

I know you stole my soul coins.

Of course I did. I had to.

Astra, they were becoming a distraction.

You'd amassed all this power, for what?

Parties? Gambling?

You need to think in grander terms.

Much grander.

You see, Astra, my sister and I are two of the three Fates.

♪♪ The Loom of Fate belongs to us.

It is our birthright.

[STAMMERS] Why didn't you tell me?

You weren't ready.

Oh, Astra, making soul coins and using them to control the denizens of Hell was a cheap reflection of my former glory.

Now that the Loom of Fate is within reach, I want you to become one of us.

Become our third sister.

You'd have the power of a god.

Astra, this is what I have been preparing you for ever since I took you in as a young girl.

But what about my mom?

John had promised that he'd use the Loom of Fate to make it so she never d*ed.

Astra, you need to move beyond these petty human desires.

I am offering you the power to design destiny.

You once sought to rule over Hell, now you can rule over the whole cosmos.

Will you join us?

What do you say, girl?

Oh, trust me, Astra, I know what's best for you.

Sister always knows best.

♪♪ Of course I'll join you.

How could I ever turn down so much power?

Good girl!

There's just, uh, one thing.

John Constantine's coin.

He's mine to toy with.

Seems like a fair trade.

♪♪

Mmm.

[SIGHS]

♪♪

I took care of Brutus.

And I got our pirate friend Caesar.

Any luck with the ring?

Damn thing might as well be invisible.

Well, Bonnie, guess we got no choice but to make the rest of our fellow guests disappear.

Mm-hmm.

[THUMPING, GRUNTING]

[g*n COCKS]

Now, what do we have here?

Another Hellian to k*ll? Lucky us.

[GRUNTS]

I'm Jack the Ripper. Nice try.

We already met Jack. That Jack's an imposter.

Worse, he's John Constantine.

That liar!

He must be here to send us back to Hell.

Now, don't lose your temper, Bonnie.

We'll teach that grifter a lesson, okay?

♪♪ Ahh.

Good old Mrs. Hughes.

Okay, I'm not thinking about the ring.

I'm not thinking about the ring.

Yeah, that's not gonna work.

So you're just gonna accept failure when we're this close?

I'm not giving up.

Oh, I don't see it as giving up, so much as, uh, accepting reality.

I know myself.

I'm a ripe old mix of, uh, guilt and torment.

If the Loom of Fate offers me even one glimmer of hope of redemption for all my past sins, particularly Astra, then, uh, I'll never not be thinking about it.

♪♪ You know, it's funny, I'm usually an expert at getting things out of my head.

Boyfriend cheating on me with my assistant/best friend?

No time to cry, I have a fall fashion line to plan.

Overhearing my mother tell a friend she's embarrassed her daughter is so shallow and self-absorbed?

Definitely can't process that.

I will check my CatChat analytics.

[PENSIVE MUSIC]

♪♪ But my baby brother dying because he was trying to protect me?

♪♪ There's nothing that can get that out of my head.

♪♪ I was wearing the totem when he d*ed.

♪♪ If I hadn't been, then maybe he... maybe he would've had a chance.

[SNIFFS]

♪♪ Now, look, you can take it from an expert.

[SIGHS]

Nothing good ever comes from b*ating yourself up, love.

Don't try to make me feel better.

♪♪ John.

What if we don't find the ring?

What if I never get him back?

Yoo-hoo!

John friggin' Constantine!

We know who you are, and there's someone here you'll be just dying to meet.

They do say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

♪♪ This passage leads outside.

I'll distract them while you escape.

No, come with me. Go.

This is my house and I'm just crazy enough to defend it.

Listen, you can get Behrad back, Zari.

I truly believe that, but unless you get out of here right now, then neither of you stand a chance.

♪♪ Okay.

♪♪

[SIGHS]

♪♪

Ava, I'd just like to say, you're the best boss I've ever had.

Well, the only boss I've ever had.

I'm more apprentice than employee with John, and before the Bureau, well...

Ah, finally. You've come to k*ll us.

About time. I was getting bored.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[GROANS]

Get out of here.

Astra, what made you change your mind?

You're helping John find the Loom for me.

Might as well let you. Either he'll come through or Lachesis is bound to.

Did you say Lachesis? The Fate?

Wait, how do you know who... It's a small underworld after all. Time's almost up.

Come with us!

BOTH: What? Astra, it is time for you to take control, okay? Don't wait for them.

You can help us find the Loom and save your mother yourself.

Ten seconds left. [SIGHS]

The choice is yours.

♪♪ Wait, did she ever, like, channel an animal while you were, you know...

She did once.

But it was...

Is that... Meet Astra.

Why does she have the sword? There's no time to explain.

We got to move.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

Where's the ring, John?

[SIGHS] I don't know where the ring is.

And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you Muppets.

John. John, be reasonable.

We are going to k*ll you regardless, but it's up to you how painful that death has to be.

[LAUGHS]

You'd be surprised how long you can stay alive without... certain organs. Ah.

♪♪ You want your coat back, don't you?

Mmm. You can all go to Hell.

♪♪ Hmm.

♪♪ Stop!

Cleopatra?

Yes. I order you to stop.

You don't have that kind of power here, honey.

Are you both serious? She's with him.

Is that so? Maybe this will make you talk.

I don't know where the ring is, all right?

Funny, I believe you. [SCOFFS]

What a shame.

Oh, cheer up, darling.

We can k*ll him now. Mm.

No.

[GRUNTS]

♪♪

[SCREAMS]

Solvite.

Hey, you come back.

[EXHALES] [g*n COCKS]

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

[EXCITING MUSIC]

♪♪

[BELL RINGS]

[GRUNTS]

[GASPS]

You okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

♪♪ Blimey.

What?

The bloody ring.

♪♪

[CHUCKLES]

Must've been here the whole time.

I guess I stopped thinking about it.

♪♪ Guys, we're here to save you!

But, uh, looks like you, uh, took care of it on your own. Thank God.

Please tell me that you found the ring.

We did. Thanks to Zari.

Fantastic. Good.

Wait a second, are those Hell weapons?

Yeah.

We could use those, especially...

Yeah, let's just get them and get out of here.

Good morning. [BOTH GASP]

Are those even more guests?

Oh, um, no.

So sorry, ma'am, we were just leaving.

♪♪ And, uh, here's me thinking you weren't allowed to meddle anymore.

Could've been a touch more direct.

I'm sure I don't know what you mean.

[LAUGHS] Yeah, right.

♪♪ See you around, John Constantine.

♪♪ So you got the totem to work?

Yeah, I did. It was amazing.

Terrifying, but amazing.

I sort of felt like Behrad was there with me.

He'd be so proud of you. I'm so proud of you.

Congratulations.

John! You're safe! Yeah, all right, buddy.

Oh, okay, right, slow down, all right?

I'm happy to see you too, mate. Hey, how's Sara doing?

Oh, she's still unconscious. Charlie's sitting with her now.

I'm gonna try to distract myself by fixing the Prognosticator.

Technical skills are not Charlie and I's strong suit.

I know. Whoa, whoa, hold on a tick.

If that contraption is broke, how the hell did you find us?

Uh, about that.

Hey, John.

I hear we have a Loom to build.

♪♪