04x02 - Somebody's Been Reading Dante's Inferno

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Lucifer". Aired: January 2016 to present.*

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"Lucifer" amuses himself in Los Angeles, where he gets his kicks helping the LAPD punish criminals.
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04x02 - Somebody's Been Reading Dante's Inferno

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♪ He took me for a ride ♪

♪ In the late hours of the night ♪

♪ Oh, what a fearful sight ♪

♪ Blood in the water ♪

♪ He said, "Don't do this" ♪

♪ "Forgive me" ♪

♪ Was begging me for mercy... ♪

[grunting]

♪ Gave him a crooked smile ♪

♪ Put him out of my misery... ♪

[grunts]

[JIMMY] He's the Devil!

He's the Devil!

He's the Devil!

[screams]

He's the Devil!

He's the Devil! He's the...

[gasps] Oh, I...

Oh, I'm so sorry.

[chuckles] I didn't mean to startle you.

I'm, uh, Father Kinley.

Someone said you might need some help with research? Yes.

[chuckles] Did you hear some crazy lady was asking about the Devil?

[laughs] I don't...

I don't think you're crazy at all.

In fact, I think we should talk.

[FATHER KINLEY] I work for a division of the Church called the International Association of Exorcists.

We deal with demonic possession, people who believe that they have encountered the Devil or to be the Devil.

We know about Lucifer Morningstar, Ms. Decker.

We've been aware of him for about seven years.

At first we thought he was just a benign eccentric, but the more we watched him, the more terrifyingly authentic he became.

And since you've traveled all this way to research him, I assume that you agree.

I don't know what to think.

I realize that this must be extremely difficult for you.

And I want you to know that I'm here to help.

How?

How can you help me?

That's what I thought.

But there is something you can do.

[FATHER KINLEY] Every day he remains on Earth, people are in danger.

Whenever he visits, death and destruction follow.

Guess... what that is.

An egg?

That, my friend, is Margaret's first bounty.

Who's Margaret?

Oh, my backyard chicken. Well, bathtub chicken.

We live in an apartment.

You have a chicken in your bathroom?

Yeah.

You know, I'm just trying to explore new hobbies these days now that I've got Sundays free.

Right.

You okay there? Oh, yeah.

I mean, sort of. There's... something I need to do that I've been putting off. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Whenever I'm procrastinating on something, I make an appointment for myself to do it. That way, can't back out. Like, for example, when I had to ask my landlord permission to get Bob, literally put it on my calendar.

Oh, wasn't the, uh, the chicken, it's named Margaret?

Bob was my turtle. What happened to Bob?

Didn't get along with Margaret. [phone chimes]

Oh. Wow.

This should be exciting. Hmm.

Oh, my gosh. Are you serious?

I'll grab my kit.

Amazeballs.

["Get Set" by DotCom and Marius De le Mer playing]

[elevator bell dings]

Brother.

What are you still doing here?

I thought you'd be frolicking on a cloud by now.

Turns out I'm not moving back to the Silver City after all.

Really? Why's that? Well, Luci, I've decided that my life... my life is here now. On Earth.

You see, I've come to learn so much about humans that I... Actually, you know what?

Never mind. I'm-I'm sorry I asked.

But since you're here, you can help me decide.

Moscow Midnight or Blue Lagoon?

That's the same shirt.

[mouths] You sure?

Yeah. Thank you.

All right, Lucifer. What's wrong?

Because you never question your own taste.

Well, can't a devil just look nice?

Uh-oh.

I thought things were okay between you and Chloe. [liquid pouring]

They are. They are, yeah.

We're back to being partners.

Fully clothed partners.

What? Nothing.

Just bully for partners.

Why do I sense a "but" in there somewhere?

No, it's just...

Right before Charlotte was k*lled, the detective and I, we shared a...

a moment.

You kissed her.

[chuckles softly]

I did.

[laughs] It's just a kiss.

I'm hardly a schoolgirl.

Anyway, I'm just not sure whether the detective wants to ignore that... moment that we had now or what.

All right.

Listen to me, Luci.

You need to get out there and take a chance.

Carpe diem.

Humans, Chloe, people are amazing.

Look, I wasted so much time keeping them at bay, looking down on them for millennia when they have so much to offer.

I'm only now just realizing how lucky that we are that we actually get a chance to connect with them.

So I say put up your sign.

"Open for business.

Humanity, come on in."

And what does that have to do with the detective?

It means ask her out.

On a date.

[sniffing]

Mmm. That a new fragrance you're wearing?

It's lovely.

It's mosquito repellent.

[laughs] Oh. Right, yes, of course.

Yes, pesky little buggers, mosquitoes.

Hmm. They do, however, like to eat.

As do I. And not blood, of course, but food.

And I know you also like to eat food, so I was wondering... Oh, my gosh, you guys.

Can you believe that we are on the actual set of The Cabin?

Well, I'm not really a reality show kind of person, Ms. Lopez.

I like to enjoy real-life situations.

You know, go out. With other people, for example. What... [ELLA] Oh, yeah.

I'm usually not into reality shows, either.

I prefer more, you know, scripted content, documentaries.

But got a little extra time these days, so I sorta, kinda watched, uh, 27 seasons in two weeks. Fascinating.

Ella, was she a contestant? Yeah.

Melinda Hage.

She was the sweetest kindergarten teacher ever, you guys, and a total fan favorite.

Pretty sure she would've won if she hadn't, you know...

d*ed. Croaked. Bought a pine condo.

Yes. Could you just hurry up and give us the deets, please?

Yeah, sure. So, even though Melinda's body was found in the lagoon and COD was obviously drowning, this right here, definitely a m*rder.

I mean, first of all, we got signs of struggle here on the beach, and secondly, big old hunkin' contusion on the back of her head.

Hmm. And do we know if any of the cameras caught the m*rder?

[MAN] Unfortunately, no.

Maury Novac. I'm the executive producer.

Anyway, yeah, none of the cameras were rolling

'cause, uh, it was the middle of the night at the time.

Don't worry, we're not gonna make that mistake again.

Well, unfortunately, this is an active crime scene, so until we process it, your show's on hold.

[ELLA] Yes. And I will also need to watch all of your unaired footage.

That's hundreds of hours.

Oh, my God, awesome.

I mean, you got to do what you got to do.

Uh, lead the way, please.

Right. I'm glad that's over with.

Where were we? Oh, yes, uh, mosquitoes, food... Do you have plans tonight?

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Detective, would you like to go out with me this evening?

Yes.

No.

I can't.

You cannot ask me to do that.

Listen to me, Chloe.

Every day he remains on Earth, people are in danger.

The Devil must go back to Hell.

And the only person who can send him there is you.

♪♪

Dan, what're you doing?

Switching desks with McMillan.

What? McMillan's under the stairs.

Yep. Cozy.

And as far away from Lucifer as possible.

What happened, did he steal your pudding again?

No.

People don't get sh*t over stolen pudding, Chloe.

Dan... what happened with Charlotte, it wasn't Lucifer's fault.

[scoffs] Hey, you know what?

Here's-here... here's the deal, Chloe.

It was funny... at first.

And I was charmed.

Just like everyone else around here.

But after everything that he kept from us about Pierce, don't you even wonder what other secrets the guy's got?

[FATHER KINLEY] Once we uncovered Lucifer's identity, we were able to uncover evidence of his previous visits with humanity.

[scoffs] Y-You're... you're saying he caused the Chicago Fire?

And n*zi Germany?

I'm saying that whenever he visits, death and destruction follow.

Okay, well, speaking as a detective, this is circumstantial evidence at best.

Perhaps. But when the circumstances pile up this high, aren't you forced to draw conclusions?

No. No, I'm not.

This isn't the man I know.

[thunder rumbling]

Keep going.

He didn't k*ll these people.

Pierce.

Okay, he k*lled Pierce, but Lucifer was just protecting me.

From a situation he caused.

As for the others, you don't need to be the one pulling the trigger to cause evil.

Look, I know this is a lot to take in, Chloe.

But he is the Devil.

And he's not supposed to be here.

And somewhere inside, you know that whatever he may seem... he is dangerous.

This... is the Teflon Totem.

Only one is hidden on The Cabin per season.

You find this bad boy, and you are safe from elimination.

Guess where I found it.

Well, if it keeps you safe from elimination, I'd say tucked right up in...

Melinda's pocket! Isn't that crazy?

Mm. [sighs] Right. Okay.

Let me catch you up. So...

[announcer voice] Previously on The Cabin:

Judd the jock had just found the totem, which was buried under the tree.

[normal voice] So here he is, just hours before Melinda got k*lled.

So how did Melinda get it?

She stole it, that's how.

Wait, so he k*lled her just to get it back?

I mean, that's, that's extreme.

Oh, speaking of extreme, ever heard of extreme dates?

Swimming with sharks? Or jelly wrestling, perhaps?

That's always a good icebreaker.

[quietly] Lucifer, later.

So did Judd do anything on the show to suggest that he's violent?

Well, Judd is the total villain of the season.

And Melinda's biggest rival.

Check it out. [JUDD on video] Hey, Melinda.

This is for trying to vote me off last night, beyotch.

[contestants speaking indistinctly]

Hmm. No, that's enough. You can pause it.

All right, well, he's clearly guilty.

Let's go arrest him.

Uh, arrest him? You mean question him?

No, you said it, he's the villain.

If it walks like a duck, it talks like a duck, it probably murders like a duck.

Oh, good idea, duck.

Let's go get him.

Have you ever been to the Mistral?

They do a wonderful duck à l'orange.

All right, Judd.

Why don't you put down the a*?

What's up? You're a k*ller, that's what's up. Uh, yes.

Well, we know that you found the totem, Judd.

And we believe that Melinda stole it from you.

So perhaps you found out and had a bit of a tiff?

[scoffs] What? You guys are high.

Oh, I wish.

Why don't you just confess and get it over with?

Or if you have an alibi or something, now would be the time to fill us in.

We know that you have a history of v*olence with Melinda.

We've seen... Yeah, I hated her.

Didn't know she stole the totem, though.

But if it was her, I guess karma's a bitch.

If that's not an confession, I don't know what is.

What, no, no, uh, sorry.

Just excuse us for one moment.

Detective, don't you think we should get, uh...

What's that thing you're always hammering on about?

Oh, yes, proof... before we arrest somebody?

[CHLOE] Hey. Hey.

What are you doing?

Uh, changing a battery?

This is an active m*rder investigation.

I'm sorry. My boss talked to your boss, and until you guys have a firm suspect, the show goes on.

Okay, listen. Back. Off.

Okay.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Where were we?

Hey... look.

I'm sorry for the assh*le act, it's just for the cameras.

What do you mean, an act?

It's the best way to win the cash.

I studied every season of The Cabin.

62% of the time, the villain wins.

So to play the odds, that's the role I'm playin'.

Do you have an alibi?

I was asleep in the cabin with the rest of the players.

They'll vouch for me.

Okay.

Do you know if any of them have a grudge against Melinda?

All of them? I mean, it's a competition.

And Melinda was the most competitive in the game.

I mean, she acted all sweet and innocent, but that woman was crafty.

I even heard she had some secret alliance going on.

I'm telling you, man, nobody is what they seem to be around here.

Yes.

Thank you.

[clears throat]

Okay, well, now we have to talk to everybody.

[sighing] Yes. Well, at least we have our date to look forward to once we're done.

Mm-hmm.

♪ Well, I just got the news ♪

♪♪

♪ And I don't know what to do ♪

[LINDA] What? If you didn't come to spar, why did you invite me here? Oh, wait.

Are you gonna teach me how to throw knives?

No. [grunts]

We're here because I don't feel welcome at the apartment.

Chloe thinks I'm gonna... [grunts]

...eat Trixie or something.

Chloe just needs time to adjust.

[grunts] Yeah.

I didn't react well either when I first found out, remember?

[exhales] Okay.

But now, look at me. I'm fine.

[grunts] In fact, better than ever.

Bottom line: don't take things personally. Okay.

Knowing that Heaven and Hell, angels and demons exist?

I mean, it's... it's pretty scary stuff when you think about it. [exhales sharply]

So that's why you've gone full Tyson?

The Goddess of Creation burns your face once... [grunts]

...and you freak out.

No. No, I mean, well...

Pierce... I mean, Cain, did thr*aten to send his thugs to m*rder me, too, but, you know, who's counting?

[exhaling rhythmically]

Okay, champ. Let's take a break.

We've been at this for hours.

Oh, come on. I'm fine.

I've got tons of energy.

Must be all the turmeric that I keep putting in all those smoothies.

[groans, thuds]

Linda!

Okay, listen to me.

This is your chance to come clean.

Just tell me everything you've done, we can go from there.

I'm just playin' a game, ma'am. Ya know?

Yeah, eatin' coconuts and tryin' not to get sunburnt.

But you don't mind burning the other players?

Even if it means destroying them, right?

[GREYSON THE LAWYER] Hey, I'm a lawyer, so I admit, I'm used to doing whatever it takes to win.

But I'm not gonna k*ll anybody.

And what about romantic liaisons?

I mean, it's hard to stop an attraction, just because you're working together...

I mean, playing a game.

I would never fraternize with the enemy, sir.

Eyes on the prize.

But there were secret partnerships going on behind people's backs, right?

Secrets are part of the game, but they're part of life, too.

At the end of the day, aren't we all putting on a facade?

Well, I know I am.

Pretending that these people don't stink like a pack of wildebeests.

Do they actually bathe on this show?

I can hear you.

Can you? But can you smell me?

Was Melinda colluding with anyone?

You mean was she boning someone? Yeah.

That lawyer guy.

So obvi. My money's on Kentucky Joe.

I don't think she was canoodlin' with anyone.

She's a good girl. But if she was, it'd be that hippie fella, 100%.

[KYLIE THE ROCKER] No clue who Melinda hooked up with.

I didn't really hang out with her.

She was pretty fake.

Personally, I don't trust anybody here.

They're all liars.

Thank you. [Lucifer clears throat]

[LUCIFER] Well, thank you Kylie. We'll let you know.

[CHLOE] Damn it.

The more we talk to these people, the less clear things are.

Judd was right, no one's who they seem.

Well, isn't that the point of these programs, Detective?

To show there's no such thing as stereotypes?

Yeah. That in real life a Mary Ann might be hiding inside the body of a Ginger, or vice versa, which is my personal preference, actually.

Right. Take you, for example.

History and religion have painted a pretty awful picture of you, haven't they?

You couldn't be more right, Detective.

So...

You don't bite the heads off of children?

Uh, no. Of course not.

[laughs]

I detest the little creatures.

And I'd certainly never put one in my mouth.

Oh.

Anyway, I'm glad you're curious, Detective.

I was wondering when we'd get 'round to this conversation.

So if you have any more questions, I'm all ears.

Well, Pierce. You k*lled him.

So what, was he, like, number nine... million?

I... do you keep track?

No.

Pierce... or as I tried to tell you at the time when you wouldn't believe me, was actually Cain... was the first human I've ever k*lled.

And truth be told, he wanted to die.

Well, most of his immortal life, anyway.

What about Hell?

[laughing] Oh, right.

That's what this is about, is it?

You probably want to know who's down there, don't you?

Well, many may surprise you.

Jim Morrison, for instance, Gary Coleman.

No, no. Hell.

What's it like down there?

All those people you t*rture. Did you enjoy it?

It was a job, Detective.

Something I was forced to do.

Gosh, someone's been reading Dante's Inferno.

Well, I'll admit, I... [clears throat]

...did a bit of research on my vacation.

Which is why I wanted to get your side of things.

But it seems a bunch of the stuff I read was way off.

Just some stereotype, right?

Right.

Linda. You scared the sh*t outta me.

[sighs] Here.

Drink.

Okay, that's gin. Yeah.

Only top shelf for my girl.

What happened?

You passed out.

Are you okay?

I feel fine.

I'm probably just dehydrated.

I am not an expert on the human body... unless you count sex organs... and I'm pretty sure you are not supposed to randomly fall down.

Hmm...

Okay, what are you doing?

Well...

Checking to see if your eyes are bleeding.

Okay, why?

Um, well, I found this medical book in Lucifer's library and it says that bleeding eyes are bad.

Okay. This book is from the 14th century.

Fine. Whatever. You're acting weird.

And I'm not leaving you alone until you go see a you.

A what? A doctor.

Oh. Okay.

Oh, my gosh.

You bought this for Chloe?

Mm.

That is so romantic, Lucifer.

It's just like Indecent Proposal.

Well, I was thinking more like Pretty Woman, but, yes. Yes. We're going to the opera.

There's a special engagement of La traviata in San Francisco.

We leave by helicopter at sunset.

Wow.

That is going to be the best date ever.

[laughs]

Isn't it?

Yes. Well, at least I hope it is, 'cause if it isn't...

What?

No... [sighs]

If it isn't, I'm afraid that she might disappear again.

I mean, she's been acting a little odd lately.

Like she's...

Like she's hiding something.

Lucifer, she's probably just as nervous about this date as you are.

Trust me, when she sees this, it is going to be dress on, panties off.

[laughs] Lady shower...

Okay, that's too much. Too much.

I'm joking. I love it. Carry on.

[Lucifer and Ella conversing indistinctly]

Lopez, I'm enjoying this new side of you.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, guys?

Detective.

Hey, Chloe, what's up? I know that, that we had plans to go out tonight, um, but I've been so preoccupied with this case, so, d-do you mind if-if we postpone until it's solved?

Uh... [coughs] Okay?

Yes. [clears throat] Yes. No.

Right. O-Of course, no rush.

Okay, cool.

[laughs] Thanks.

Oh, buddy, bring it in.

What... N-No, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

It's just a little holdup, that's all.

You heard what she said. Solve the case, and... we're good to go.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

[FATHER KINLEY] Detective. Yes.

I got your text.

But I thought we were meeting at the penthouse in two hours?

Yes, that's what I wanted to chat with you about.

All right. I sort of had to postpone my date with Lucifer until we solve this case.

Didn't want work getting in the way of me roofie-ing the devil.

[laughs, inhales sharply] Oh, Chloe.

You're just stalling, aren't you?

Are you having second thoughts?

Yes.

Yes. Everything that you've told me about Lucifer...

You're finding it hard to believe.

Yeah.

Being around him again, I-I just don't see the same monster that you do.

No, of course you don't.

Have you met him?

Have you ever had a conversation with him?

No.

No, I'm-I'm sure he's the most... magnetic individual you ever met.

Charming and eloquent.

Funny.

Kind, even.

Yeah. He is.

It's all an act.

Now, listen to me, Chloe.

The Devil has been manipulating human beings since the beginning of time.

If you don't respond favorably to something, well, he'll make an adjustment until you do.

Anything to make sure he gets what he wants.

Because the only person that he is interested in is himself.

[sighs]

But it-it... he seems so real.

Yes. It is.

That's what he does.

That's what he's been doing for thousands of years, perfecting.

Why do you think they call him the Prince of Lies?

No. N-No.

Lucifer always tells the truth.

Always. [shuddering inhale]

He does not lie.

What if this is the biggest lie of all?

[LUCIFER] Don't eat them all at once.

Although you have been working out, haven't you?

Nigel, there you go. PB&J, as promised.

What you looking at?

Just some schmutz.

On the window.

Mm-hmm...

Ah. Morning, Detective.

Mm. Thank you.

Ms. Lopez. I trust you had a pleasant evening.

I did. I took my abuelita to the opera.

It was incredible. Right. Um, so, your text said that you had a new lead, Ms. Lopez.

Uh, yes. Hold, please.

Wonder what she's got for us. Exciting, isn't it?

Mm.

Cannot wait to solve this case.

You?

Same.

Good, good. 'Cause, obviously, the sooner we solve the case, the sooner we go on our date.

Unless, of course, you were using the case to back out.

No, we're still on.

I even marked it on my calendar.

Wonderful. On your calendar. Okay, so who is ready for some stomach contents?

Me. Oh, I know.

I love this part so much.

Okay, so we got rice, coconut, snails... all typical for someone on a survival reality show.

Here's what's not typical.

We got sugar, flour, cacao, raisins, cherries and rum?

Uh, that is the ingredients of Hungarian rum balls.

That is oddly specific.

And... actually, a pretty good guess.

Spent a lot of time with Attila, actually, back in the day.

Can tell you all about it later, on our date.

Mm. Ella, uh, were the rum balls used as a reward on the show?

Uh, not that I saw. But I can check with the show's catering to see if there was anything like that on set.

Thank you. Good idea, Ms. Lopez.

Let's find those balls.

[AMENADIEL] Hey.

[AMENADIEL] Guess what I got.

Two tickets for tonight's show at the Groundlings.

That's great, man, but I'm, uh, not really that into improv anymore.

Oh.

All right, well, how 'bout a sporting event?

Or some other male bonding-type experience.

The world awaits.

I got a lot on my plate right now.

I'm probably gonna be working some overtime tonight.

Rain check, then?

Rain check.

["Nothing Personal" by Stella and the Storm playing]

♪ Well, I've been down ♪

♪ So many roads ♪

♪ Run out of room real fast ♪

♪ And I need space to grow ♪

[whooshing]

[gasping] - ♪ I don't have ♪

♪ A future ♪

♪ I forgot my past ♪

♪ But I know I've made a real bad habit ♪

♪ Of falling in love too fast ♪

♪ So believe me ♪ So... what you writing?

♪ That I wish that I could stay ♪ Please.

Please, sir. Sure.

♪ In the mornin' ♪ O-Oh.

Oh, let me help you with that.

[panting]

♪ You to know ♪

♪ It's nothing personal ♪

[AMENADIEL] I mean, I've chosen to stay, but...

I don't really know if I've made the right decision.

You see, I've always had a task.

You know?

A purpose.

But now... now that I'm living here on Earth, I don't know what I'm supposed to do or who I'm supposed to be.

No sé, mi amigo.

No sé.

Mr. Novac, we spoke to catering, and, um, they said that you special-order a few of your food items?

Well, let's just cut to the chase, shall we?

'Cause, uh, places to be, Detective.

Show us your balls, Maury.

Excuse me? Aha!

Are those or are those not your Hungarian balls?

Ah... yes.


Thought as much. All right, case closed, Detective.

Lucifer, what are you...

Are those my handcuffs?

Might be. I-I-I... apologize.

We just have a few questions about your...

Your balls. Well, the... the r... the rum balls.

We know that Melinda consumed a few of your...

Well, uh, within an hour of her m*rder.

So, you're clearly the k*ller.

Uh, um... Giv...

I, actually... I did give Melinda a couple of my, um... [clears throat]

...these treats. But I didn't hurt her.

Okay? Her death is a terrible loss, for me and the show.

Okay. Why do you say that?

[sighs] I mean, the show's ratings have been lower than ever this season, and I had to do something.

So I approached Melinda.

I offered her a little bit of food in exchange for a favor.

Oh, now, that I understand. What was the favor?

Melinda was the fan favorite.

I wanted to help her win.

But in the most entertaining way possible.

I had this whole drama laid out.

It was gonna be ratings gold.

And, what, she turned you down?

And you got so upset that you smashed her in the head?

Look, I may be a ratings whore, but I would never do that.

[CHLOE] Do you know if Melinda was conspiring with anyone else on her plan?

Mm... I don't know.

[LUCIFER] Oh, come on!

It was you two having the secret affair.

You both met up to enjoy your balls, and then you k*lled her.

Just admit it so I can go on my bloody date!

Lucifer. Lucifer.

You really do only care about yourself, don't you?

Well, if that's what you think, Detective, maybe I should give you some space.

[exhales] I...

[clears throat] I want to be honest.

I wasn't having an affair with Melinda.

But I-I do know who was.

[CHLOE] Is that Kylie?

[MAURY] Yep, that's her.

Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?

Uh, well, you know, filming the bathroom, that's kind of illegal, so...

[scoffs] So much for Kylie not hanging out with Melinda.

Where is Kylie? I need to speak to her.

Come on.

She should be at the Axing Ceremony.

Hmm.

Where is she?

[MAURY] Uh...

Hang on. I don't...

Kylie's not there.

Hold on, is that her?

What is she doing?

[MAURY] That's the gas line.

[Chloe chuckles]

Is she gonna blow up the cabin? What...

Why would she do that?

[MAURY] Oh, my God.

I have no idea.

What is she... At least it's...

Um, Detective?

Yeah.

[MAURY] Isn't that...

Lucifer.

♪♪

No!

♪♪

[whispers] How is he doing that?

I wouldn't go in there, Detective. It's hotter than... well, you know.

Uh... it blew up.

[stammers]

I saw it. I...

I was so scared, but y-you...

You walked right through.

You're fine. [stammers]

You're completely fine.

Well, that's one of the perks of living in a fiery pit of despair most of my life.

[scoffs]

I-I...

I didn't know anybody was in there.

Oh, wow.

Thank God you're okay.

He certainly had nothing to do with it.

I'm sorry. I just...

I-I needed to burn it all down. I needed for it to be over.

I-I can't believe I almost did it again.

Did what again?

[indistinct chatter] [siren wailing]

[KYLIE] I never thought she'd go for me.

I mean, for one, she was straight.

But...

Melinda was so... sweet.

Can you believe she thought I was sweet?

No one ever thinks I'm sweet.

So what happened?

I saw Melinda go into Maury's cabin that night, and I knew I'd been a total idiot.

She'd completely fooled me.

What if we told you Melinda wasn't sleeping with Maury?

Yeah, that's what she said, too.

But she also wouldn't tell me what she was doing, so I knew she was lying about something.

Whatever it was, I was being played.

So I got upset.

I just pushed her in the lagoon.

But I guess she hit her head.

I-I would never...

Whatever she'd done, I loved her.

Thanks.

Well, then...

I guess that's case closed.

Yeah.

Detective, I understand that you and me, it's...

The last thing I want to do is push you into something you don't want.

So if you're not ready... or you don't want to go on a date with me...

No, I do.

I do want to.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Right. Well, um... why don't you go home, get some rest, and I'll pick you up around 7:00?

Uh, why don't I just meet you at your place?

Even better.

Okay.

[chuckles softly] [phone ringing]

Hello?

Oh, hi, Dr. Furhman. Yes.

Okay. Uh-huh.

What?

No!

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's... [laughs] that's... that's-that's not possible.

[elevator bell dings] [exhales]

[sighs]

Hi, Lucifer.

Detective. You look, uh... beautiful.

Thank you. [chuckles]

No white tablecloth this time?

Wha... Ah, no, well, that went down like a pork chop at a kosher wedding, so I made some adjustments.

[chuckles] 'Course you did.

Hmm?

Well, it's very thoughtful.

Please, sit.

Please.

I, uh... [sighs] made you... grilled cheese, your favorite.

And not the smelly, fancy stuff.

Just the yummy, orange kind that you like.

Ah. [chuckles]

[sighs]

Detective, there is something I'd like to say to you.

Hmm?

Whilst I... realize that knowing the truth about me may not be easy for you...

I am glad that there are no secrets between us now.

And if you ever have any more questions, I shall be happy to answer any and all of them.

I've always been honest with you, Detective.

And I always will be.

Oh. [laughs] Sorry. Silly me.

I forgot the music. I made a playlist full of bad '90s jams for you.

Hmm.

♪ That girl is poison ♪ Lucifer!

I... I'm sorry, I... Oh, sorry.

[turns down volume]

I didn't realize I'd left it so loud.

I'll get it. No, I've got it, Detective. Don't wor...

Ow! I...

Damn.

Mm. You're bleeding.

[chuckles] I'm fine. I'm fine.

Fine. Fine.

Y-You're... you're bleeding.

I'm fine. [music stops]

You're bleeding. And no, no, it's not fine.

It...

[panting, trembling]

You know what? Y-Yes, I do have a question for you.

How is it that you walk away from a giant, fiery expl*si*n without a scratch, but right now you are bleeding?

[continues panting]

You... you were sh*t in the hand last week.

Y... You almost d*ed when Malcolm sh*t you in the gut.

I mean, I sh*t you.

I sh*t you, and I felt horribly about that, by the way.

But what... is this?

Is anything even real with you?

W... Were you trying to manipulate me?

Were-were you trying to make me feel bad?

W... Is this all to make me care about you more?

No.

Then what?

How is it that sometimes you don't get hurt, and then other times you do?

What is the difference?

You are, Detective.

I don't fully understand why, but...

I'm only vulnerable when I'm close to you.

♪♪

[phone chimes]

It's a text from Ella.

Call her immediately.

[takes deep breath]

[line rings]

Hey.

[ELLA] So, final autopsy report just came back.

Toolmarks on Melinda's skull aren't consistent with a rock or anything like it.

Something with a right angle hit her head.

Maybe she hit the pier when Kylie pushed her.

But three times? I mean, we're not sure what it is, but it's got to be something square, something rectangular, like maybe a brick.

I think I have an idea of who it is.

If I'm right, Kylie's not the k*ller, but I'll call you from the car, okay?

But, Detective...

No, no, no.

I think I should do this on my own. For now.

Hi.

Sorry to interrupt, but I have a search warrant to look at your camera equipment.

I thought you guys already arrested someone for Melinda's m*rder.

Mm-hmm. Yep. Some, uh, new information has come to light, however.

So, you're a... a cameraman, was it?

Yeah. How long, uh, have you been working on the show?

Oh, since season one.

All 27 seasons.

All 27?

Wow. That's a long time.

♪♪

And, uh, who else has access to this equipment?

[blade rings softly]

I'm in charge of it, but I guess anyone could get access if they try.

[CHLOE] Yeah.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Okay, listen.

It's all right. I just want to talk.

Want to get your side of things.

Yeah? Yeah.

[CHLOE] So I assume that it was you who had the alliance with Melinda.

[TIKO] Yeah.

Since day one.

You know why she was America's sweetheart?

Because I made her look that way.

I even stole that... stupid Teflon Totem for her.

She was gonna win... because of me.

And we were supposed to split the money.

She promised.

And then... she betrayed you.

Melinda bailed on me for Kylie, that stupid bitch.

[takes deep breath]

But then they got in this big fight, and, you know, I thought maybe... maybe me and Melinda were back on.

You know?

But then when I asked her about it that night...

no.

Must have been really frustrating.

[TIKO] Do you know how many years I spent watching these morons win piles of money sitting on their stupid asses, eating coconuts, while I busted mine 24/7?

All they do is bitch about how hungry they are!

I'm sick of it.

[LUCIFER] Detective! No!

[gasps]

[grunts]

[groaning] All right, get up.

What are you doing? She sh*t me!

[Tiko grunting]

[whispers] Lucifer, oh, my God.

[chuckles] Well, there's an oxymoron.

It's just your jacket.

You're okay.

Hardly. That's the second suit I've ruined in as many days.

[chuckles] But yes.

Are you okay?

[panting]

♪♪

[gasps]

[whispers] If I pushed this into your chest... it would k*ll you?

Yes.

Because I'm close to you?

Yes.

But you jumped in front of it anyway.

Yes.

And I would do it again... and again.

Don't you know that, Detective?

[exhales]

[gasping breaths]

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

[siren wailing in distance]

["Revolutionary" by Robert DeLong playing]

So, whatcha drinking? [chuckles]

Ooh, wait. Let me guess.

You look like a gin guy.

No, uh, something spicier. Am I right?

You spicy man.

Tequila. Ha. Yeah.

Tequila es macho. [laughs]

[LINDA] Amenadiel.

♪ Counterfeit... ♪ Oh, I'm sorry, we were just kind of talking.

I'm pregnant.

♪ I'm a sick prototype ♪

[song distorting, fading] ♪ I'm a sign of the times ♪

♪ I fake it like ♪

♪ I made it for their eyes... ♪

♪♪

Thank you for meeting me.

[Chloe sighs]

You're still having second thoughts.

No, actually. Um...

I've made up my mind. I'm...

I'm not gonna help you.

I won't hurt Lucifer like that.

We've been through this, Chloe.

All you have to do is give him the sedative.

I will perform the exorcism.

I know that you think... he's some evil monster.

But I know in my heart that you're wrong.

[stammers]

Even if he used to be that thing... in the books, he's not anymore.

I... At least not around me.

So I'm...

I'm sorry, but I won't do it.

[Chloe sighs]

We can't do this without you, Chloe.

Oh, I know.

And I know why... it's because I make him vulnerable, and you must have known that.

I suspected.

There are writings...

Yes, I know what the books say.

But the very fact that I make him vulnerable... means that he's changed.

Or-or at least that he is changing.

[sighs]

I don't know what to say to convince you.

[takes deep breath]

Maybe one day you'll see what I see.

Maybe.

[piano playing mid-tempo, gentle song]

♪♪

[phone chimes]

[elevator bell dings, doors open]

Texting from the elevat...

Who are you?

I'm Father Kinley.

I'm here because...

...there's something you need to know about Chloe Decker.
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