04x12 - Sore Lou-ser

[bunniefuu]

Morning, campers.

Just a couple of quick announcements from your fearless Lou-der.

[Giggles]

"Lou-der".

Thank you, Matteo.

Friend of comedy.

Tomorrow we start the Sportsmanship Games where we compete in a series of events while maintaining grace and goodwill against those snobby pit sniffers from Camp Champion.

[All booing]

I know, I know.

But if you sign up to compete, remember, it's about having fun.

It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's about how you play the game.

Especially when you always lose.

Oh, and one more thing.

After some relentless petitioning from one very annoying camper...

She means me!

... dinner tomorrow night will be vegetarian Sloppy Joes.

And to the rest of you, be sure to eat a big lunch.

Sloppy Joes were Finn's favorite food before he became a vegetarian.

I miss them so much!

I've been trying to eat carrots sloppy, and look at me!

I'm spotless!

I think I'll stick with the meat Sloppy Joes.

Whatever Joe did, I bet he deserved it.

Are you going to sign up to compete in the Sportsmanship Games?

Well, I would, but you have to be paired up with a counselor.

I'll do it with you.

I thought you might say that, so I have another excuse...

Um, reason.

There's a new bird's nest right outside our cabin.

I'm really busy taking care of it.

I'm practically their uncle.

Kinda taking them under my wing, teaching them about bird puns.

Come on, Matteo.

What's really going on?

Okay, the truth is, I don't want to make us all lose.

I'm bad at sports.

I'm bad at a ton of stuff, but that never stopped me!

In fact, people should be worried I'm a lifeguard.

They are.

And you heard Lou.

It doesn't matter if you win or lose.

I guess being a person of sport is necessary if I'm gonna achieve my goal of becoming the "total package." Being the total package is pretty great.

You'll enjoy it.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ You know, I thought I'd be nervous, running the Sportsmanship Games for the first time as Camp Director.

But I am so.

Dang.

Breezy.

Ava: Why's that lady walking like she's got a wedgie?

That's Barb Barca, speedwalking gold medalist and Camp Champion Camp Director.

She rules with an iron fist and a weird roll in her hips.

We've been rivals for years.

Don't let her get in your head.

Look who it is.

Lou, the Lou-ser.

Look who it is.

Barb the Barb...

Er.

Dangit!

She got in my head.

I don't know why we even brought the Platinum Paddle over.

It's going to stay where it always does: Camp Champion.

You know, smug doesn't look very good on you.

Oh, I think we both know smug looks great on me.

It's the gold medal of facial expressions.

Ah, you brought up your medal in record time.

Well, setting record times is my thing.

We get it, Barb!

Just wiggle away!

[Both giggling]

Hey, that's Cynthia from school!

I didn't know she went to Camp Champion.

Who's Cynthia?

She's one of the coolest, nicest girls at my school, and she's really mature.

I've always wanted to be her friend.

I bet that's her boyfriend.

Should we go say hi?

No.

See, Cynthia was raving about him at school so I may have told her I had a boyfriend at camp, too.

You have a boyfriend at camp?

It's that boy who got a bloody nose on you, isn't it?

I thought I sensed a moment.

I don't have a boyfriend.

Cynthia's just so grown-up and I didn't want her to think I'm a baby.

Maybe she forgot.

Destiny!

It's so good to see you!

Ooh, and where's your boyfriend?

Uh, my boyfriend is probably around somewhere.

You know boyfriends.

We both do.

Know boyfriends.

Right, girlfriend?

Save me!

Hi, I'm Gwen.

I'm single and loving it.

And who's this?

This is my boyfriend, Chet.

He's a DJ.

'Sup.

Well, we're here to cheer on Camp Champion so we'll probably see you around.

Can't wait to meet your special guy!

[Nervously]

Uh, me neither!

I need a fake boyfriend ASAP!

Great.

Let's gather you the twigs and branches to build him.

No, I need a living boyfriend.

No wonder you're single.

So picky.

Oh, there you are.

We need to meet Lou for practice.

Sorry, I was just outside at the bird's nest telling the eggs their uncle is gonna do the sports today.

You know what that makes me?

A guy who says "do the sports"?

No.

Their cool uncle!

Who does the sports.

Hey, eggies!

Uncle Matteo's gonna make you proud.

Oh, sorry, I'm being rude.

Do you want to meet them?

Um, maybe later.

We're just warming up to accept the Platinum Paddle when we win again.

And this is us spanking you with it!

Look at them, so driven by their desire to win.

Lucky for us, we're completely unburdened by that.

Well, we're here to play!

And maybe we will win.

Nah, we'll lose.

But we'll win at having fun.

So, in a way, we're already winning at losing.

Suckers.

What are we practicing?

Dizzy bat.

You spin around with your forehead on the baseball bat three times, then hit the ball off the tee.

Let's see what you got.

Wait, is it moving?

Someone make it stand still.

[Grunts]

Touchdown!

Gwen!

Ava!

Are you two good at sports?

Just baseball, volleyball, wrestling, and sprints to the kitchen before my brothers could eat all the pie.

And I'm just woodsy strong.

Then you're on the team!

Which means, we might actually have a chance.

And, oh..

Suddenly I have this weird chest pain that also feels kinda good, and oh, wow.

Is this hope?

Guys, guys!

I think this is hope!

Hey Destiny, better get in line for veggie Sloppy Joes.

Dinner's only seven hours away.

I can't.

I'm looking for a fake boyfriend.

You and I, always on our different capers.

This is so us.

Bingo!

Ugh, how do you get food in your hair?

It all starts with food in your brush.

Hi, I'm Cynthia.

And I think I know who you are.

I saw Destiny fixing your hair.

If she fixes your hair, will I know who you are?

You are so cute.

Isn't he, Chet?

Tight.

Cynthia, I'd like to introduce...

We just met your boyfriend!

Yep, here he is!

Finn.

My boyfriend.

Right, Finn?

This conversation has really gotten away from me.

Well, Finn, I'd love to get to know you better.

We should have dinner together!

The two happy couples!

I can't think of a reason why we couldn't.

Finn, can you think of a reason why we couldn't?

I can't think of a reason why any of this is happening.

Then it's settled!

See you at dinner.

Can't wait!

[Chuckles]

[Sighs]

Get in line for a Sloppy Joe, suddenly you're a boyfriend.

What a time to be alive.

Okay, welcome to the Sportsmanship Games!

Our first event is dodgeball.

And we all know who's going to win.

Well, you all might be surprised.

No, I don't think we will.

But let's remember what's important about the Sportsmanship Games.

Winning.

Play ball.

It's okay.

We'll get them in the next event.

Honestly, I lasted a lot longer than I thought I would.

That's cute.

Yeah!

You almost got me, but try again and snap your wrist this time.

Good!

That was closer.

Time out.

Hey, Gwen, I know you want to help them, but Camp Champion is used to winning.

So let's give them a taste of what's it's like to lose.

Oh, got it.

I was going for sportsmanship and fun.

Duh-doy.

Look, I know I said it was all about fun before, but now...

[Whispers]

Loser.

Now we destroy them.

[Both blowing whistles]

Sorry!

We lost?

They lost?

They won?

We won?

[Together]

I can't believe it!

Even losers can get lucky once!

Make way, people.

Exiting with purpose!

[All squealing]

Finn, are you sure you're up for this fake boyfriend thing?

Hold on.

Chef Jeff gave me his test batch of Sloppy Joes, so just let me savor this last bite.

Ah.

Heartwarming in a different way.

You may continue.

We need to fix you before our couples dinner.

Let's start with some different clothes.

Mine are over there.

Oh, a pile.

That's promising.

Oh!

This is like a record of every meal we've had in the last month.

Mmm.

Pot pie.

That was a good day.

They're so stiff.

How do you even wear these?

Well, you've got to whack 'em a little to loosen 'em up.

This...

This is happening.

I'm watching this happen.

Hey, Lou!

I know you picked Gwen and Ava for croquet, but can we do the ping-pong event later?

We were practicing and Matteo actually made contact with the ball!

I pinged!

Or maybe I ponged.

What's the one where the ball hits the net?

Sorry, guys, Gwen and Ava are on a hot streak, and we can't break it.

Oh.

Okay.

Don't worry, I'm sure Lou will give us another chance later.

She said it's important everyone has fun.

Okay guys, fun time's over.

Let's annihilate Camp Champion!

Yes!

Yeah!

[All cheering]

Take that.

No!

[Yelling]

You, and you.

[Cheering]

At least these clothes are clean.

Okay, we only have a couple of hours left till dinner.

Remember the backstory I gave you.

You're Finn Sawyer The Third, you're well-traveled, you have a genius IQ but you never bring it up.

Except tonight.

Tonight you bring it up a lot.

Right.

Do I own a plane?

Fine, you can own a plane.

Now, Finn...

Captain Finn.

Just listen!

Do you remember your backstory?

I kind of only remember the plane thing.

Then no plane.

How about this?

I crashed my plane!

Please focus!

The only reason Cynthia wants to be my friend is she thinks I'm mature enough to have a boyfriend.

And my boyfriend should know at least one thing about me.

What's my favorite color?

Apple!

No, wait.

That's stupid.

Pineapple!

It's pink!

But at this point, just say any actual color.

You know what?

This fake relationship is a lot of work.

At the beginning, it was fun and exciting.

Now it seems like all we ever do is argue.

It's because you're not even trying!

We're only going to get out of it what we pretend to put into it!

You keep wanting to change me into something I'm not.

I never even get to go bowling with the guys.

There's no bowling alley at camp!

I know!

That's why I never get to go!

Finn, you're gonna turn this into a complete train wreck.

It was a plane.

And it crashed.

Oh!

You know what?

Maybe you should find a new fake boyfriend.

Wait...

You can't fake break up with me.

I'll be humiliated in front of Cynthia.

Sorry, but I can't do this anymore.

Orange.

See?

Some food is a color.

All right, one event left and we're all tied up.

Are you warriors ready to win the egg toss?

Let's give Barb a run for her money, or at least an awkward walk.

Lou, I'm so tired.

Yeah, we've been up against ten different teams from Camp Champion.

Can you just pull it together one last time?

We're so close.

We have to do whatever it takes to win.

This is so important to me.

Please, Gwen?

Yeah, Lou.

Of course.

Fine, I'll do it.

If you put that lip back where it belongs.

Thank you!

Go get yourselves ready.

Hey, Lou.

We were thinking, if Ava and Gwen are too tired, maybe you could let us do the egg toss.

We're really rested after not getting to do anything.

Well, besides three seconds of dodgeball.

Oh.

I totally would, but we actually have a sh*t at winning the whole shebang!

I never dreamed this would be possible!

Actually, that's a lie.

It's a recurring dream of mine.

You okay, buddy?

Yeah.

I knew I wasn't good enough to play.

Sorry, eggies.

Your uncle let you down.

Just the egg toss, Gwen.

Then we can be done.

And Lou will go back to being regular old Lou.

Who still yells, but usually she just yells, "Mornin', campers!" Afternoon, campers!

Are you guys ready to win?

Yep.

We know winning is the most important thing.

Actually, Barb losing is the most important thing.

Winning is a close second.

You got this!

Uh...

Why didn't our egg splat all over the grass?

Uh, 'cause it's hard-boiled?

I grabbed it from the Mess Hall.

What?

Gwen, why would you do that?

I didn't want to let you down!

You said to do whatever it takes.

That didn't mean I wanted you to cheat.

Come on, Lou, you've been obsessed with winning all day.

It's almost like you've turned into...

[Chanting]

Win!

Win!

Win!

Possum nuggets, I've become what I despise.

Gwen, I am so sorry.

I taught you wrong, and I set a bad example, a really bad example.

A really, really, really...

Okay, Ava.

Laying it on a little thick.

Sorry, I rarely have the moral high ground.

It's weird up here.

Hi, Cynthia.

Chet.

Yo.

I love your outfit.

Is Finn on his way?

See, here's the thing.

I have to tell you that Finn is...

Finn: Running fashionably late.

Finn?

This is for you.

And you.

That is so sweet!

And you.

Wow, I'm touched.

You know, dudes like getting flowers, too.

Nobody ever talks about that.

Thanks for being vulnerable.

What are you doing here?

We fake broke up!

We may not be real boyfriend and girlfriend, but we are real friends.

And real friends show up for each other.

Hello, fellow couple.

How about you go and get us some food?

For your butt, m'lady.

Did you know that pink is Destiny's favorite color?

And apple's not a color at all.

Finn, you are just a hoot.

I wish you went to school with Destiny and me so we could hang out more.

Meaning...

We're going to hang out?

Here we go!

Vegetarian Sloppy Joes.

Of course, my favorite.

Untidy Josephs.

I have to eat them with a fork and Kn*fe.

It's the only way not to get them all over yourself.

Yes, me as well.

I wouldn't dream of getting any on my suit...

That I always wear.

Stop!

Enough.

Finn, you're a great friend just the way you are and you should be yourself.

Now go ahead and eat the Sloppy Joe the way you were born to.

Thank you, Destiny.

Thank you.

Destiny, what's going on?

Well, I've never had a boyfriend, okay?

So I asked Finn to pretend.

Why would you do that?

Because I really look up to you.

You're so grown-up and I felt like I was behind.

But the truth is, I don't even want a boyfriend right now.

So, if you think I'm immature and don't want to be my friend, I get it.

Destiny, of course I still want to be your friend.

I think you're so cool.

Just because I have Chet doesn't mean I expect all my friends to have boyfriends.

Your boyfriend's name is Chet, too?

You're my boyfriend.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa.

I just thought you were this chill friend who liked to chill.

I'm not mature enough for a girlfriend.

This explains why you kept calling me "bro." Give me one of those Sloppy Joes.

Guys, I am so sorry for the way I treated you.

Ava and Gwen are sitting this one out, and I want you guys to play.

But the egg toss is the final event!

And we're tied!

And it's about to start!

And we'll lose!

And...

Well, that's it, but that's a lot of stuff!

Maybe we'll win, maybe we'll lose.

Just have fun.

No pressure.

You're closing with your benchwarmers?

Once a Lou-ser, always a Lou-ser.

[Cackles]

Okay, maybe winning isn't the most important thing, but it'd sure be swell.

Let's go.

Owie.

Go Noah!

Go Matteo!

[Blows whistle]

That's right, he caught that egg from a short distance!

Look at us, doing the sports!

I got you, Anthony.

Oh, sorry, this is Sophia!

And Kikiwaka loses, just like always.

Victory lap!

I said, victory lap!

Look, guys, I know we didn't win, but you sure did make Kikiwaka proud.

And you are a good egg for saving the right egg.

Now let's show 'em who we are, people who lose with grace and sportsmanship.

[Cackling]

That is the saddest thing I've ever heard!

Egg spike!

[All gasp]

Oh!

This egg is hard-boiled.

You cheated?

I love cheating!

But you gotta loop me in!

This means you forfeit this event.

Kikiwaka wins!

The whole shebang?

We won the whole shebang?

[Cheering]

If these weren't the Sportsmanship Games, I'd say, "In your face!" My knees are covered in bruises but dang it, I feel like royalty.

I'm normally not one for chunky jewelry, but it makes a nice statement piece.

Yeah, if the statement is "Ha-ha, I won." That's what I was going for!

Drink it in.

Guys, check it out.

The baby birds hatched, and I took a video.

Wanna see it?

Sure.

Totally.

There are the baby birds waiting for their mom.

All: Aww!

There's the mama bird coming back to the nest.

All: Aww!

And there's the mama bird throwing up the food she ate earlier into their little mouths!

Ugh.

Aww.

Huh.

Kinda looks like vegetarian Sloppy Joes.