03x01 - Best Summer Ever

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Fuller House". Aired February 2016 - June 2020.*
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"Fuller House" revolves around the recently widowed D.J. Tanner-Fuller, who is now a veterinarian and mother of three sons. After her husband dies, she enlists the help of her sister and her best friend to move in and help her raise her boys.
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03x01 - Best Summer Ever

Post by bunniefuu »

It's the first day of summer vacation!

It's not that I don't love school, I do But summer is so much bettter, it's true Come on, Jackson Get out of bed, let's go You deserve the best summer ever, bro Come on, guys, let's go party Lead the way so we won't be tardy You can come, too, and you and you And even you Come on outside, everyone!

Look, it's my favorite son Hey!

Just kidding, I love you all the same Not really, your brothers are lame.

Let's make this the best summer ever I'm enjoying my scrambled eggs But whatever One, two, three, four Sounds of the summer streets Big surf, waves crashin'

Hot days, cool cars Radios a—blastin'

Best summer ever Gonna party with my friends It's never gonna end We're really in this thing together Best summer ever Yeah, the b*at is gonna drop The fun will never stop And nothing would be better The summer breeze, the evening stars The clickety—clack of the cable cars Holding hands and summer kisses What a magical feeling this is And I know you feel the same way, too Best summer ever Rain or blue sky Never let a day go by Best summer ever Goes way too fast, gonna make it last Best summer Best summer ever Sounds of the summer streets Big surf, waves crashin'

Hot days, cool cars Radios a—blastin'

Best summer ever Best summer ever Max. Max, wake up.

You're having a dream.

Aw...

You mean it's not the first day of summer?

No, it is.

In that case, two, three, four!

Best summer ever

It's so nice to wake up early and have a few minutes of calm before the storm.

Big news!

Hello, storm!

CJ and I have something very important to...

Pancakes.

Steve and I have set a date.

We are getting married at the end of the summer in Japan.

Huh!

Huh?

We're going to Japan because that's where my stepfather lives.

And he's paying for the whole thing.

Ah...

We really want you guys to come.

I mean, I know Japan is a tad inconvenient, but really, it's just a hop, skip and a 6,000—mile jump.

You do know that there's a really nice Benihana right around the corner?

What she's trying to say is...

We'll be there. —Great! All right.

Honey, we got to get going.

We have to sign up for our gift registries.

Crate and Barrel, Pottery Barn— —And Applebee's!

I love their potato skins.

You know, honey, we're going to go to that one first, okay?

Wow!

Steve is really getting married.

And not to you.

Which is fine, if you happen to hate fairy tales and happy endings.

Would you just admit defeat, Team Steve?

All right? She has found her perfect match in dreamy Dr. Matt.

He is pretty dreamy.

In fact, I had a dream about him last night.

We were folding laundry, if you know what I mean.

Tell me more.

What? There's nothing more to tell. We were literally folding laundry.

Hey, Stephanoodle.

Hi.

I just came by to let you know that my RV will be parked at Costco today because somebody decided to make the city post those "no overnight parking” signs.

Why are you looking at me?

It is an eyesore.

You were always blocking my driveway, and I could never find a place to... Okay, it was me.

Good morning, Deej.

I thought we could carpool into work since we don't get to spend enough time together.

Aww.

I know. We have to fix that.

What are you talking about?

You guys work together eight hours a day.

Yeah, but we hardly see each other.

She does dogs and cats, I do birds and bunnies.

I can't carpool today.

I have to tell Jackson I'm sending him to summer school.

Ouch. Summer school is the worst.

That's why I made him a special lunch.

A steak sandwich, an entire pumpkin pie and a $50 iTunes gift card.

Deej, you could put Selena Gomez in that bag and it ain't going to help.

Well, I gotta go.

But, I hate saying goodbye to you.

Me, too.

I'm really going to miss you.

I'm really going to miss you, too.

See you in 10 minutes? —Yeah, 15 if there's traffic.

You know, Deej, you and Matt really got to find some time to connect.

Jimmy and I connect everyday.

Oh, yeah, we do.

Ew. Which is another reason why I want that RV moved.

Hey, don't worry about Matt and me.

I'm going to fix this.

Oh, yeah, you will.

No, Jimmy, she doesn't like that. —Don't do that? Okay.

Hola, amigos!

And now, adios.

Wait. Where are you sneaking off to?

Nowhere.

Did I just get the cheek?

Mi amor.

Don't "mi amor” me until you tell me a—more about what you're up to.

I'm up to nothing!

And now I must go... Nowhere.

With no one, for no reason.

I'm going to be late.

For nothing.

No school! No school! No school!

No school!

This is going to be the best summer ever!

I don't know why, but I can't get that song out of my head.

Bye, Mom. —Oh, honey, wait.

Where are you going? —With Popko to Mighty Mountain.

Oh, I love that tidal wave ride!

Wait for me. I'll go get our matching ponchos and a spare bra.

Nothing is worse than a soggy brassiere.

Mom, you know I love you, but you're kind of a third wheel.

I just want to hang out with my baby.

Tell you what, if you give me your credit card, it will be like a little piece of you is with me everywhere I go.

That is so sweet!

Well, if you need me, I'll be on the couch for the next three months.

Yeah, about that.

Hold up.

Just call me Chillaxin' Jackson.

You and I need to talk, and it's a little bit awkward.

Mom, I know where babies come from.

It's about what happened last school year.

About how I crushed it?

Did you?

Because a D-minus in History is not exactly crushing it.

Which is why I've decided you're going to pull up that bad grade in summer school.

Summer school?

Mom, you can't be serious.

I'm going to be hanging out with Lola all summer.

I don't even know how to process this.

Luckily, you don't have to because school starts today.

Here are your books and a special lunch.

Don't forget to look under the pie for a "please don't hate me" gift card.

What? So, like, don't even argue?

Just go?

Mom, you can't do this to me.

I'm Chillaxin' Jackson.

Now you're History—passin' Jackson!

You know, it's just hitting me.

This summer is my last chance to be with Ramona before she's in high school and gone forever.

And this summer is my last chance to help Jackson before he becomes an unemployed moocher who lives on my couch forever.

I hear you talking about me.

Are you here for summer school? —No, I'm an undercover narc.

Should you be telling me that?

Dude, I'm not a narc.

Ah, got it. You're not a narc.

I can see why you're in summer school.

I'm Roxanne, but they call me Rocki. What's your name?

I'm Jackson, but the ladies call me J-Money.

No, they don't. —You're right, they don't.

Oh. Little tip, kid. Don't make eye contact with the weird guy with the beard. He could snap at any moment.

We're starting.

Whoa! That's our teacher?

I saw him in the parking lot sobbing in a smart car.

I said we're starting.

Man, I love living in a Costco parking lot.

They got all these free samples.

I mean, these Swedish meatballs are so good, I almost bought some.

But then I thought, "Why? They're free."

You know, Morris, it is so nice of you to let Jimmy keep his RV here.

So, here's the thing.

Right, I like you guys, but Costco wants you off the property unless you're actually going to buy something.

Well, then tell Costco to stop giving away free stuff.

Uh, I... I gotta go.

I just realized I left my Taser in the handicapped bathroom again.

I know I shouldn't be in there, but it is way cleaner.

Oh, boy! Jimmy, you need to see this.

Isn't that Fernando, hugging on a hot blonde with two grande lattes?

Are you sure?

Mmm, they could be ventis. They're really big.

The point is, I think Fernando is cheating on Kimmy.

Babe, this is going to break her heart.

Try and let her down easy.

Me?

You're her brother. You tell her.

I can't. I avoid all confrontation.

Babe, you just need to step up...

La-la—la-la—la-la...

La-la—la-la—la-la... Meatball. La—la-la-la-la-la...

Good news, Thumper. We were able to save your foot.

The bad news is, it's attached to my key chain.

What? Thumper got the joke.

Oh, Matt.

Whoa!

Oh!

You were saying?

Whoa!

Let me just set the mood.

Sorry. Tommy's playlist.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm being sexy.

Oh. Oh.

Okay. Um...

What happened to no hanky—panky at the workplace?

Oh, we don't have to panky, but a little hanky never hurt anyone.

Ready, set, go.

Oops. —Oh!

Mrs. Hathaway, you're early. Uh...

See, while we're business partners, but we're also business partners, if you...

You know, baw—chicka—bow—wow!

I'll just take the cat. Yeah.

Hi. —Hi.

Jackson, I picked up your favorite pizza.

Somebody's feeling guilty about sending somebody to summer school.

No.

And an ice-cream cake!

I'll eat alone.

Hey, was summer school that bad?

You tell me.

Meow.

That's right, Tommy, the kitty says meow.

If it makes it any better, I had a tough day, too.

At Mighty Mountain, I rode so many rides and took so many selfies that my phone d*ed.

Bye, kitty.

How did this happen?

I fell asleep in class and this kid, Rocki, drew all over my face.

Now I can't get it off.

Wait, you fell asleep on your first day?

You're missing the point.

I got pranked and everyone made fun of me.

Well, I hope this Rocki got in big trouble.

It's always open.

Really? You just let people walk in?

How have you not been m*rder*d by now?

Rocki, what are you doing here?

You're Rocki?

Why would you draw on my son's face?

He fell asleep in class and started snoring like a cat.

Anyway, the principal said I had to apologize, so my mom drove me over here.

I'm doing it!

So, Jackson, I'm really sorry for drawing on your face, and on the small of your back.

What?

Your cr*ck was showing, so I drew a tulip growing out of it.

Rocki, how long does it take to say, "I'm sorry?"

Gia.

Of course, this little angel belongs to you.

Hi, Deej.

Nice to see you.

You know, we should really get together some time.

Oh, I would love to, but I don't want to.

Anyway, look, I got to get to Pilates, guys.

So, are we good?

Does it look like I'm good?

I'm out of here, and I'm out of summer school, too!

Goodbye!

He should really be in drama camp.

Okay, you two need to go.

And for the first time ever, I am locking the door.

It won't come off.

Man!


I wish I had a time machine, so I could go back to this morning and not go to summer school.

Or you could go back to last semester and get a better grade in History.

You don't understand the fun of time travel at all.

I'm quitting summer school.

You can ground me, take away my devices, brand me with a hot metal iron.

Brand you? Why would I do that?

‘Cause you're mean.

I am sorry you're upset, but it's important to me that you care about always doing your best.

Maybe I did do my best.

You ever think about that?

No, because you and I both know that you didn't.

But I tell you what.

Since you're almost in high school, I am going to trust you to make the right decision here.

Really? You mean it? It's my decision?

It's not really my decision, is it?

Okay, I'll go back.

See? One day in summer school, you're smarter already.

I just want you to go to a great college, find a job that you love and have a wonderful life.

Thanks, Mom.

Because you're not living here forever.

You're still living here.

Touché.

Hey, Stephanie. —Hi.

I can't stay long. My RV is double—parked.

I told that ambulance I'd be right back, but those paramedics are always in such a hurry.

Jimmy, do you realize that we've spent over half of our relationship just looking for a parking spot for your RV?

I wish you would seriously think about finding a real place to live.

Have faith.

Somehow the universe will provide.

Speaking of universes, Kimmy's is about to be destroyed.

Now, remember, we decided to tell her about the blonde together.

Absolutely. —Great.

Hey, guys.

Stephanie's got some bad news for you.

It involves Fernando cheating. It's your turn.

What is he talking about?

Sit down. Have some lemonade.

Okay, so...

Jimmy and I saw Fernando hugging a beautiful blonde with two grande lattes.

I know Fernando has been acting weird, but I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation.

Kimberlina, we have an announcement.

Let me begin by saying I love this woman.

Stephanie was right!

What's going on?

Have some lemonade.

It's a little tart, just like you.

I'm his realtor.

Nothing is going on here except a smooth and painless escrow.

In fact, all this man can talk about is how much he loves you.

Oops.

Allow me.

How rude!

I am so sorry.

I've been sh*t four times. This is nothing.

Here's my card for all your housing needs.

Call Debbie Gold, everything I touch turns to sold.

What did I miss?

Well, I threw a glass of lemonade in my face.

Made the same mistake.

The key is to use a straw.

People, come to the kitchen.

I have wonderful news.

Today, I closed escrow on a fabulous home for me and Kimberlina and Ramona to move into together. Surprise!

You bought us a house?

Surprise!

Get this. It's the old Gibbler house.

Seriously?

You bought us the Gibbler house?

Yes, the Gibbler house.

I can't believe you bought the Gibbler house.

Wait, have I been pronouncing my last name wrong all these years?

Wow.

I'd really miss you and Ramona and...

You and Ramona.

Max, I know you must be happy.

You have wanted me gone since the day I moved in.

I don't know how to feel.

On the one hand, I don't like you.

On the other hand, I need you.

You're my nemesis.

I need a chewable aspirin.

Fernando, I have to say, buying us a home is a beautiful gesture.

So you're moving in?

But I also have to say, I'm very angry I wasn't consulted.

So you're not moving in?

But I appreciate you trying to make me happy.

So you are moving in.

But this does not make me happy.

So you're not moving in?

You just do whatever you want and expect me to go along with it.

But I'm only thinking of you when I tell you what to do.

Because I have the best ideas.

I'm sorry, but I made a commitment to D.J.

So I'm staying right here with the She—Wolf Pack.

Well, I am not leaving this house without a Gibbler in my arms.

See, Steph? I told you the universe provides.

Hey, D.J., you might be busy with...

Whatever this is.

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Sure.

We are going to have so much fun, roomie.

What's up?

Hey, what was going on today with that whole baw-chicka-bow—wow!

I was trying to sneak a date night into a work day.

I just feel like our relationship is always competing with work and kids and...

Well, I guess, that's it.

Sweetheart, come here. Sit down with me.

What is it you're worried about, Deej?

We're a great couple.

I just want us to keep growing closer, so we can build something special.

And I feel like we are. I couldn't be happier about us.

D.J., I love you.

Whoa.

Did you just say "I love you"? You're never said that before.

I've been thinking it for a while.

So have I.

Oh.

Well, you haven't actually said it yet.

Okay, here I go.

I love you.

I love you too.

Oh, Mylanta, we're in love!

Baw-chicka—bow—wow!
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