03x04 - My Little Hickey

[bunniefuu]

I'm sorry. —I don't care.

Look, I'm really sorry.

I really don't care.

"Sorry" isn't gonna get rid of this hickey.

Look, it's just you're so beautiful, I got carried away, and over—nibbled.

It looks like I made out with a Shop-Vac.

I can't let my parents see this. They'll freak out.

Unless...

Does my hair cover it?

Not only does it cover it, but you look hot with a beard.

Hey, guys.

Ramona.

Is that some new summer do?

Yes, yes.

See, it's a ponytail for your chin.

So, it's a chintail.

Let me try it.

Like this?

It looks great!

Perfect Instagram.

Hashtag, chintail sisters.

I don't know which one of you is cuter. It's neck and neck.

See what I did there?

Yeah, I saw what you did.

Goodbye, Popko.

It's nice to see Popko's turned into a little gentleman.

Yes. Uh...

Although every once in a while, he can really suck.

Hey.

All the cool kids are doing it.

Well, see ya, Stephanie.

See ya, hickey.

How did you know?

Please. I am the queen of hiding hickeys.

Who do you think invented the turtleneck bikini?

I can't believe the neck—kini never caught on.

Might have been the tan lines.

Will you please help me cover this up?

Sure, I got you.

Thanks, Stephanie.

You know, you're the coolest She—Wolf in the pack.

Why, thank you. You know, I've always said that.

Can you please not tell my mom about it?

Ooh.

Well, if it's really important to you, I won't tell her.

But I definitely think you should.

Did you tell your dad about your first hickey?

Oh, God, no. I'd still be grounded.

Well, I can't tell my mom.

She'll want to have a hickey talk, and then a boy talk, and a "you're growing up” talk.

And then she'll sing that corny song.

Your body is a—changing Oh, no, awkward Your parts are rearranging Your armpits now have hair

What's he gonna do? Juking both the defenders.

He lines the Oreo, he goes.

He sh**t, and he scores!

Milk me!

Nice one.

He said, "Milk me," and then you gave him milk!

This is why women date older men.

Oh, hello, teens I don't know, and yet are eating all my food.

You're like a sexy mom in a tuna fish commercial.

I like this one.

And I do love tuna.

It's a smart choice when I'm on the go.

Why am I explaining this to you?

That's Mankowski, this is Nugs, and here's Gene.

He's seen every movie ever made.

Hello.

"You had me at hello." Jerry Maguire.

Are you talking to me?

"Are you talking to me?" Taxi Driver.

Okay.

"May the force be with you." Sfar Wars.

I don't like it when other people do it.

Come on, guys. Let's go study.

Jackson, I am impressed that you guys are studying on a Saturday.

Well, we kind of forgot to study Monday through Friday, so...

Or all last school year.

Classic Mankowski.

I'm gonna ask a question, and I'd like the truth.

Are you all high?

Oh, Mom!

Jackson's mom, you got it goin' on.

Well, I do SoulCycle, and I try to eat clean.

Why do I keep explaining myself?

Classic Jackson's mom.

They seem like nice boys.

They're idiots.

Yeah, they are, aren't they?

It's always open.

Hello, neighbor.

My name is Fernando.

I just moved in next door.

Yes, I know that, Fernando.

I don't want to be an imposition, but back in the day, I used to live here.

And I was wondering if I could take a look around the old place.

You just moved out of here three days ago.

Not much has changed.

Oh, no.

He's back.

My dear friend Max.

You're getting so big.

Put me down.

Be still my heart.

The very couch where I used to take my siestas.

What is wrong with him?

Well, that's a Pandora's box you do not wanna open.

The memories are flooding back.

Do you remember that Christmas where we sang carols about the flying animal with the d*sfigured face?

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

Does that door still lead to the kitchen?

Hey, you know, I just thought of a good memory we can relive.

Remember that time that you went out on the front porch?

Sounds familiar.

And then I went back inside?

Uh-huh.

And shut the door?

And then what happened?

You went back to your own house.

That's not how I remember it.

Hello?

Hello?

I thought it was always open.

A little yellow concealer to cover up the purple.

And check it out.

It's gone.

It's like Popko's lips were never even there.

Yeah, I'm like the David Copperfield of hickeys.

First you see it, and then your parents don't.

Hey, guys.

Hey, what happened to your chin tail? I just accessorized mine.

That was so 20 minutes ago.

Are you guys doing makeovers?

Ramona, that's our thing.

Sorry, Mom. I don't have time.

I'm meeting up with Popko to go play laser tag.

Laser tag?

Ramona, that's our thing.

You say everything's our thing.

Because that's my thing.

You're growing up so fast.

It seems like just yesterday, I was dropping you off at kindergarten with a backpack that was bigger than you.

Oh, sweet cheese, here come the tears.

Mom, you should lie down.

I can't.

Steve's coming by to sample wedding cakes.

And then he's gonna get married and have kids.

And then they'll grow up and leave him, too.

Go on. I'll deal with this.

There, there.

It's gonna be okay.

I thought you were gonna deal with this?

You stopped crying, didn't you?

Wow, she's good.

Okay, Tommy, you ready to go?

Yeah. —Hold on tight.

Again.

You wanna do it again? —Yeah.

Okay.

Why hiding?

That's not creepy.

Hello, again, neighbor.

May I help you?

Yes, of course I will come over.

No, no. I did not invite...

Hey, when did you put that gate in?

In the middle of the night.

So you would not stop me.

I have a good idea.

Fudgsicles!

No. Fernando!

Hey, you have your own house now that you need to spend time in.

With your own Fudgsicles.

Fernando?

Where are you?

An open freezer door?

And a single bite of a Fudgsicle?

I knew I shouldn't have let him in the house.

Fernando!

Hey, I know you're in here.

Give yourself up and go home.

Fernando.

Come on, Steve. I have someplace to be.

Pick a wedding cake already.

I am a cake connoisseur.

Ah!

2017 Duncan Hines.

Very good year for red velvets.

Can you please hurry this up?

I'm not gonna rush this.

I picked the wrong cake the first time I got married.

Now I can't even look at lemon chiffon without thinking, "Why didn't I just get a prenup?”

Save it for your therapist.

Pick a frickin' cake.

Brown cake.

That's a good one. —White cake.

Yellow cake.

Oh, boy.

Kimmy, what is the big emergency?

I wanna surprise Ramona at laser tag.

So, congratulations.

You've just been rehired as junior partner at Gibbler Style Party Planning.

But you said you could no longer afford me.

That won't be a problem. I cut your pay in half.

Kimmy.

It is very unprofessional to argue in front of the client.

You're gonna love my new associate. She's fabulous.

Take your time, and no rush with that deposit.

Hurry him up, and get the money now!

Okay, people. So why is Abraham Lincoln important?

Didn't Lincoln invent that job website?

That's LinkedIn.

All right, look, dumdums.

Abraham Lincoln was the 16th president.

He freed the slaves and was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth.

Nah, none of that sounds right.

Nah.

Hey! Why are you sitting on my unicorn?

And why are you petting my dog?

Come on, Cosmo.

What did you do to Cosmo?

I changed his name.

Come here, Derek.

You changed my dog's name?

He told me his real name is Derek.

I can talk to dogs.

But not cats.

"But not cats"!

Dude, it's not funny.

We have two cats at home, and I have no idea what they want.

Mom! Mom!

What now, Max? Fernando's loose in the house.

Jackson's goon squad sat on my unicorn and renamed my dog.

Make them leave.

You can't kick us out. We're the Six Pack.

Why are you the Six Pack? There's only four of you.

You wanna know why? So we can do this.

That was awesome.

Aww. That was kind of cute. —It was totally lame.

Okay, everybody out. We're trying to study.

Yeah, listen to Jackson.

He's our study group captain.

He's super brain strong. We call him "The Professor."

Really?

You call my Jackson "The Professor"?

I'm sure they're using it ironically.

I don't know what “ironically” means.

But you know who would? The Professor.

He already got a D—minus.

With any luck, he'll help us get a D—minus, too.

Stick with me. It'll happen.

Jackson is a natural-born leader.

What movie is that from?

It's not from a movie. It's from my heart.

Jackson, why don't you and the guys go order some pizzas? On me.

Awesome, Mom. Thank you so much.

Classic Jackson's mom.

I'll be 18 in four years.

Wait for me.

Mom, don't feed them.

They'll keep coming back.

Like Fernando.

Honey.

Don't you get it? Those guys, they make Jackson feel good about himself.

He's never been the leader.

I bet being top dog feels pretty good.

It does.

And I would know.

Just let Jackson have his Six Pack.

I mean, what are the odds those guys are gonna be his best friends for life?

Two words.

Kimmy Gibbler.

Ramona.

Ramona.

You're not Ramona.

Say hello to my little laser.

Hasta la vista, baby!

Hey, have you seen Ramona?

No. Where's your vest? There's no way to k*ll you.

Exactly.

Oh, man.

Make my day, punk!

Ramona! I found you.

Mom, what are you doing here?

I cut my meeting short because you kept saying, "This is our thing."

No, that was you.

The important thing is that you are overjoyed that I'm here.

Hey, what brings you here, Ms. G?

What's wrong with your face?

Uh-oh. Is my zit cream lighting up?

There's no time for chitchat. We're too exposed.

I'll cover you. Wait for my signal.

Now what are you doing?

Go, go, go!

Mom, you're kind of embarrassing me.

Hey, what's that glowing on your neck?

This?

See, I'm covering a really big neck zit.

Warning, warning! Mature woman on the premises.

Possible mom. Time out!

Wait a minute.

That's not a zit.

That's a hickey.

What? Who did this to you?

You did.

Whoops.

I'm out.

Why didn't you tell me about this?

Mom, don't freak out.

Don't freak out?

You have a hickey, a boyfriend.

You're growing up.

Your body is a—changing Oh, no, awkward Your parts are rearranging Your armpits now have hair Please stop.

What's going on down there? It's normal, don't be scared Wait a minute.

This is why you were doing makeup with Stephanie.

You told Stephanie about your hickey instead of me?

I didn't tell Stephanie. She just saw it.

Lady, it's just a hickey.

I wish I had one.

Stay out of this, nerd.

Resume play.

That's it. We're going home, young lady. Follow me.

Mom, the exit's this way.

Fernando?

Tommy and I have searched the whole house.

We know you're in here.

Where are you, Fernando?

What?

Fernando, come on out.

You found me.

Now it's your turn to hide.

What is really going on with you?

Why don't you want to stay at your own house?

I feel so lonely there.

I miss Kimmy and Ramona and all my friends, and even the little dog Derek.

How can you be lonely? You live with Jimmy Gibbler.

We only have one thing in common. We both want to live here.

I feel so deprived of all the love and the hugs and the musical numbers.

I'll tell you what.

You are totally welcome to come over here any time you want between the hours of 9:00 and 6:00, while I'm at work.

Thank you, D.J.

And thank you for making me feel so welcome these past 10 months.

No problem.

Even though I was not welcome at the start.

Because you moved in without asking.

But then you warmed up to me the second and third months.

Because you were mostly out of town.

Months four to eight were pretty rocky.

Okay, I think we're done here.

But then by month nine, we were inseparable.

Ramona, go to your room.

I'll be up there, after I have words with Stephanie.

I'm sorry.

I know all about your hickey hiding.

And your cool-aunt talk with my daughter behind my back.

Kimmy, I told Ramona to talk to you.

Maybe I should have come to you myself, but she asked me to keep it a secret and I didn't want to betray her trust.

Don't try using sincerity on me.

If I did the wrong thing, I am truly, deeply sorry.

And heartfelt apologies? How dare you?

You're just mad because Ramona confided in me instead of you.

You want Ramona to come to you about everything.

You're afraid she's growing up and that you'll drift apart.

And now you resort to telling me the truth?

I'd be furious if you weren't absolutely right about everything.

Thanks, Stephanie.

And by the way, congratulations. You're rehired.

Wait, when did you fire me?

On the drive home from laser tag, in my mind.

But now, I realize you are a tremendous asset to this company.

Make me some coffee and later, we'll talk about your paid vacation.

Spoiler alert. There is none.

Can I come in?

Mom, I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this.

I didn't do anything wrong.

I know you didn't.

And I'm sorry I freaked out at laser tag.

I just wish you would have come to me.

I was embarrassed.

Well, don't be.

You can talk to me about anything and everything.

But I know you have three moms in this house.

So, if you want to talk to them, too, that's all right.

Thanks, Mom.

So, I don't mean to pry, but I just need to know.

Were you and Popko...

We were just kissing.

Phew.

Oh. I mean, whatevs.

No, I don't mean "whatevs." I mean, phew!

Look, I'll try to share more with you.

But you have to promise me one thing.

Anything at all.

Never sing that body—changing song again.

You know I can't promise that.

That's the only song I ever wrote, and I love it.

But I'll do my best.

Thanks, Mom. I love you.

I love you, too.