02x08 - Episode #2.8

[bunniefuu]

Last chance for this amazing blue stapler.

Going once. Going twice.

Sold for one million dol... EMMA: No, no, more confident.

Really hit "sold". Slap 'em with it.

"Sold!"

Sold! For one million...

Howl it like a wolf. "Soooooold!"

Soooold!

That sounded like "so old". Well, you're making me overthink it.

You should spin.

"Sold!"

No. Spin!

Sold! Terrible. Try the other way.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

What does he want?

Maybe he's confused by his reflection, like a magpie.

Wh...?

(SHOP BELL CHIMES)

Did Daniel ban you from coming in or something?

Nope.

What's up?

Are you... doing anything tonight?

No!

That's great, because if you wanted to come...

No, I mean... no, don't...

What?

..ask me on a date. Are you asking me on a date?

Yep.

(SHOP BELL CHIMES) (GROANS)

What happened?

What did he want?

Promise you won't freak out.

Sure.

Really promise.

I promise.

Bruce just asked me on a date.

What?! Oh! MRS MARSH: That's nice.

No, it's not! You promised!

You guys can't go out. No! It's not allowed.

I'm calling it. No. Not allowed?

(SIGHS) I'm just saying, isn't it in the best friends rule book?

Like, you're my best friend, he's my bully, so...

He was your bully.

And he's not bad-looking.

Oh! Bleugh! No.

Imagine if I dated someone who made your life hell at school.

Maths? Sure. Imagine if I dated maths.

Just holding maths' hand, making out with maths in front of you...

Would you relax? Obviously I said no.

Oh, thank you.

I appreciate that. (SIGHS)

Just don't gloat or be mean to him about it.

Yep.

What are you doing?

I'm just gonna send him one text. "REJECTED," all capitals.

No! Give me your phone! Stop! Give me your phone!

I'll lose the capitals. Give it to me. No, it's still bad.

Give it to me. No, no, no! He'll find it funny.

It's not my fault people fall in love with me! Give it to me!

SONG: ♪ Yeah, we know

♪ Even if we had so far to go

♪ Even if the pace is slow

♪ Well, I'll be coming home to you again

♪ If we find

♪ Something to feel that we belong

♪ If we could right all the wrongs

♪ I'll be coming home to you again. ♪

You wanted to see me?

How are you feeling about the auction?

Uh, yeah, pretty good.

Graham's already offered 320, so even if he's the only one who shows up, we should get a good price.

Where's my stapler?

Oh, sorry. I'll go grab it. No, not now.

I just had a chat with Jocelyn at the bank.

Are we going bankrupt?

No. I had a chat with her about Emma.

Is it a credit card thing?

There's an opening for a teller.

Jackie's retiring and I suggested Emma to replace her.

But... Em works here.

She does.

Well, did she put your coffee mug in the freezer?

If you ask her to stop, she eventually does.

Emma's been a great help, but we don't need a full-time property manager anymore.

I'm focusing on sales.

You mean "sale"? You've got one listing.

I can't afford to put both of you on a retainer.

But... she's my... best friend.

That's not the kind of thing you say at a business meeting.

I wanted to tell you before I told Emma.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

(CALLS OUT) Emma? Now?

Yes? Em, run.

Sit down.

I spoke with Jocelyn at the bank today.

Is this a credit card thing? Don't worry, I buried it.

She wants to talk to you about a position.

I told her you were good with people and you'd be perfect for the job.

But I already have a job.

I know, but this would pay a lot better than we can.

What?

Were you in on this? I just heard a second ago.

And is this what you want? No, of course not.

You two are acting like Romeo and Juliet.

It's just down the road.

Do you agree with it?

(SIGHS) Em, I love working with you, but...

..I mean, I can... I can see what Mum's saying.

I'm happy here.

Emma, there's no rush.

You can meet with Jocelyn tomorrow and see how you go.

I'm not f*ring you. I quit.

As of now, I quit. Em, wait.

Em, all Mum's saying...

Why don't you work at the bank and I'll stay here?

Well, that wouldn't work. Why not?

Because my mum's the boss.

So? I'm her housemate.

We'll still see each other all the time.

Why does it have to be me? Why am I disposable?

You're not disposable.

And yet I'm the one being disposed of. Weird.

No, no, Mum's trying to help...

Couldn't it have been us?

Did it even occur to you that maybe you and me could go somewhere else together?

(SIGHS) Can we please talk about this?

Em, don't quit now. What about the auction?

Em! (SHOP BELL CHIMES)

What?

That's, um... Mum's stapler.

(SHOP BELL CHIMES)

Bruce!

Hey. Bruce.

Oh, hi.

Listen, all my things got cancelled. I can go out with you.

Really?

Yeah. Why not?

The pub? Seven?

Sure. Great.

Great.

OK.

Yeah.

I'm out.

Of words? Yeah.

Me too.

Not because this is weird. No.

We're probably just saving them for later.

Yep.

See you soon.

Did you get a hold of Em? No, she's still not answering.

It shouldn't be that big a deal, right? It's for the best.

Maybe, but I don't think saying, "It's for the best," has ever made anyone feel better.

She'll come round eventually.

Listen to her answering machine message.

Hi. You've called Emma. Please leave a message.

Unless this is Daniel, because if you leave a message, then I won't listen to it.

I mean, I'll have to listen to a little bit to know it's you, but that's it.

So you'd better get your message out in one second or less.

(QUICKLY) Em, I'm sorry. Please talk to me.

I mean, it's not a job in the traditional sense, but it is full-time.

Coming up with ideas to make life more efficient?

I mean, can't anyone do that?

Yeah, but not everyone does.

Life Hax by Bruce. (MIMICS expl*si*n)

And 'Life Hax' - 'Hax' is with an X.

What sort of hacks? Oh, there's heaps.

Once I get a good round number like 50 or something, I'm gonna start up a website, do a book.

Oh? Well, go on. Hit me. Tell me one.

(SIGHS) I shouldn't. I shouldn't.

But OK. Uh...

You know when you're sitting on the toilet?

Yes?

Do your shoelaces up.

Wow.

So...

..keep that to yourself until the website's up.

Use it, but...

Sure.

Do you want to grab us a table and I'll get us some drinks?

Yeah, sure.

EMMA: Any brothers or sisters?

BRUCE: Nope. You?

Do they... work?

They... they work. One of them.

Come outside right now. Why?

Um... someone's spray-painting your car.

What?!

Where is it, Grace? I can't... I can't see anything.

I need you to promise me to not freak out.

Oh, not again! Promise?

I promise.

I think I saw Emma and Bruce on a date.

What?! You promised.

She's my best friend!

She still is. She's just going on a date.

Which she is allowed to do as an independent human being.

Don't you want her to be happy?

No! This is a... this is a nightmare!

Look, Em's always teased me as a joke, but what if they team up?

She knows every button I've got.

She's gonna give Bruce the launch codes.

Maybe that's why he's dating her.

Dan, I know this is hard to hear, but you can't stop two people falling in love.

You think they're in love?

No, but I think if you want Emma back in your life, you need to respect her choices.

Is there spray paint on the car or not?

OK.

If you had to lose a hand but you could replace it with anything you want, what would you choose?

Another hand.

No, it can't be a hand. You said I could have...

Aside from... Forget it.

Daniel. You've grown a beard.

Very funny, Phil. (CHUCKLES) Yeah.

Is this weird? Do you feel weird about it being us on a date?

I don't think so.

Maybe it's just getting in our heads too much, the whole Daniel thing.

It's not in my head. Let's change seats.

Sorry? I feel like this isn't going great.

Maybe if we swap seats, we can shake it up, start fresh.

OK.

OK, that feels better. So...

Your seat's warm.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

Hello. Graham, it's Daniel from McCallum Real Estate here.

Just letting you know that the auction will start soon, so... see you soon.

OK? Talk to you then.

Please come.

Hey, so, I don't think I'm gonna watch today.

I don't like being around people in groups.

Too many auras bumping into each other.

Sure. No worries.

Just gonna stay inside and do some breathing.

You're giving off a lot of yellow. How are you feeling? Powerful?

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

Gonna give me a good price? Yes.

Well, your reserve's set at $320,000, but I'm hopeful we'll get well above that.

And if we don't, I don't have to go through with it, right?

Right.

But there's been a lot of interest in your property up until now, and this is a great turnout, so I'm confident we'll get a good price.

Mmm.

WOMAN: Oh. What time does the auction start?

In a few minutes. Do you have any questions about the property or...

Oh, no, we're not looking to buy. We live over the road.

Just want to see how much it goes for.

There's quite a few of us from the neighbourhood, actually.

MAN: For a lookie-loo. Yeah, great. Thanks for coming.

Still yellow?

I'm really excited to have you here, Emma.

Me too.

So...

..how do you feel about maths?

Good. Great!

So, you will be responsible for a range of tasks, including processing transactions, proposing and solving transaction problems, receiving transactions, dealing with transaction inquiries...

OK. ..verifying...

Transactions? Yes!

Very good.

Let me show you some of the manuals.

(THUMP!)

(BELL JANGLES)

Alright, um, thank you, everyone, for coming to the auction of this beautiful...

Will you be serving drinks?

No.

Uh, thank you, everyone, for coming to the auction of this beautiful three-bedroom home.

Just to run you through some of its many features.

It has a modern kitchen.

It's got a combined bathroom and toilet, so no need to go to another room to wash your hands.

Um, it's on a beautiful block of land.

Why have you got a hammer?

It's a gavel, and it's tradition.

You've got nothing to hit it on.

Well, you don't need anything. You just...

Seems dangerous.

You'll be fine, Frank.

Sorry, before we start, has anyone seen Graham?

Are we doing this or what?

Yes. Uh, sorry. Um... so, who would like to start us off?

If it's a question about the gavel, please lower your hand.

Anyone else?

$290,000.

OK. Uh, that's a start. That's a start. $290,000.

Um, can I get 300?

Three-zero-zero?

I'd buy the house myself for that much.

Just kidding. That is illegal.

295?

It's a steal at that price.

295?

Does anyone have a double shoulder injury that would prevent them from raising their arms?

Happy for you to just yell out.

MAN: That should be in your account in four working days.

(SIGHS)

(GASPS)

OK, so, this is the counterfeit detection guide.

As you can see, we first look for the coat of arms.

It should be a kangaroo and an emu.

Sorry, where's the button? What button?

I can't find the button under here that calls the police and drops the bulletproof screens.

Uh, there isn't a button.

What if you get robbed? Shh! We don't say it.

(DOOR OPENS)

Oh! Your first customer.

Exciting!

Hello. I'm Emma. How may I help you?

I'd like to deposit this bank cheque, please.

Certainly.

Whoa! Graham, is it?

Did you win a game show or something?

Emma, that isn't really an appropriate response.

It's the deposit for a house.

The owner got greedy, decided to go to auction, so I don't need it anymore.

You're not the Graham, are you?

Excuse me?

Was the auction for 75 Cyclicat Road?

Yes, it was.

Emma, let's deposit the cheque, shall we?

It's over already? What happened?

Um... no, I told them I have to go to the toilet.

You what?

Steve, the only offer we've had is...$290,000.

That's it? Yep.

That's not enough.

Well, I mean, it's not too far off your reserve price.

$30,000?

Maybe we set it too high?

I... I think all you want to do is sell a house, get one under your belt.

No...

Look, if you can't get them any higher than what we agreed to, I don't want you as my agent anymore.

Alright?

OK.

Where are you going?

I actually do have to go to the toilet. I'm so sorry.

You have to go to the auction. Emma!

No, I don't. Auctions are so crass.

Yelling out how much money you want to spend on things!

It's undignified.

I'll look for something closer to the city.

Better investment, anyway.

I'm looking at the screen and the system is telling me that this property is a great investment.

I'm sorry. I don't know what she's saying.

Maybe I should take over...

Graham, she wants it for herself. She knows what a bargain it is.

What?!

She's pressing the button to call the police to trap you here so she can get to the auction and buy it.

I'm sorry - she's new.

How do you know it's a bargain?

You thought it was a fair price at 320, right?

Yes.

If the owner thought that was a fair price, they would've taken it.

Instead, they've gone to auction to see if they can get more.

Yeah, because they're greedy.

Or they knew it was a steal at that price.

Either way, you don't have to offer any more than 320.

You might even get it for less.

Trust me. I work in a bank.

Well, Emma, technically...

Plus, you can keep an eye on it, 'cause you live here.

You want to buy closer to the city, where the crime is?

Rosehaven is the perfect place to invest.

Come on. We can still make it. Where's your car?

I walked here. Dammit!

Sorry, everyone, for leaving like that.

Um, let's get started, shall we?

Just a reminder, too, what an amazing opportunity this is.

Get on with it! (ALL GRUMBLE)

OK, sorry, sorry. Um...

So, before I left, we were with Stacey at the unbelievably low price of $290,000.

Can I please get 300?

$300,000?

Anyone?

Wrap it up! Come on.

(ALL MURMUR) OK, I could do that.

I-I feel like some of you are hesitant to bid.

And I get it. Buying a house is a big investment.

But this house... is worth it, OK?

The properties in this area have maintained their value for the last 10 years and unless they build a sewage plant next door, they are...

What? When are they building the sewage plant?

Well, they're not. That's what I'm saying.

Well, how do you know? Because I made it up!

Look...

Let me list some more of the amazing features of this property.

(ALL GROAN) It's got not one but two...

Come on! ..generous cutlery drawers.

Thank you so much for this. I could kiss you.

Oh, don't.

I think we should just be friends. Did you think this was a date?

What? No. I just needed a lift.

I just don't think we have that much in common.

Can we talk about this later?

What happened? Nothing, Graham.

We went on a date last night, mate, but I don't think we're suited.

Ouch! Not ouch.

I don't think we're suited either.

You'll be OK. I'm OK now.

I didn't mean to toy with your feelings.

Stop talking.

Are you allowed to be driving this?

Yeah, it's my dad's.

Yeah, but... Alright.

Put the siren on!

(SIREN WAILS)

No-one else is bidding. That's when an auction ends!

OK, OK. (ALL COMPLAIN)

Yeah, OK!

OK. (SIGHS)

We're at...$290,000.

(SIGHS) For the... last time...

..can I get 300?

$300,000?

Anyone?

(SIREN APPROACHES) Please.

(TYRES SQUEAL)

Objection!

Em?

Graham?

Danny. Bruce?

Graham bids $320,000!

Hang on! What's the bidding at?

Uh... 290.

Sure. 300.

Really? Yes! 300!

OK, we're at...$300,000.

Can I get, um... 310?

310. Um, can I get 320?

320.

(EXCITEDLY) $320,000. Can I get, um... can I get 330?

$330,000?

$320,000 going once...

$325,000.

OK, we're at $325,000.

Um, can I get 330?

Graham? No!

I was only willing to bid 320.

OK. Uh, 330, anyone?

$325,000 going once.

$325,000 going twice.

Sold! For 325... (FRANK GRUNTS)

I am so sorry, Frank!

I knew this was a waste of time.

Yeah, sorry. Beautiful day, though.

Thanks again, Bruce.

Please don't be upset if I don't call.

I won't be!

Em, thank you so much. If you...

Stop. I went on a date with Bruce.

Oh... I know.

I may have, um... seen you guys at the pub.

I think we're in love.

What?!

I mean... whatever makes you happy.

We are so not, but thank you. Oh, thank God!

You sold a house!

Well, I... (SIGHS) You mean we sold a house!

I mean, I can't believe you...

Sorry, shouldn't you be at the bank?

Yes, I should be.

BARBARA: Right.

Thanks, Jocelyn. I appreciate it.

She's willing to give you another go, if you promise not to kidnap customers and run out midway through your shift.

Seems reasonable.

This sucks. Hmm?

This. It... it sucks.

Is that all you wanted to say?

No, it just... doesn't feel right.

Em belongs here. We're a team.

It's not as much fun without you.

Are you under the impression that work should be fun at all times?

No, it's just...

I don't want to work here without Em.

It's OK. Daniel...

I want to split my wage with Emma.

You can have two employees for the price of one.

What?

I didn't sell that house today. We did.

Feel free to say no. I just... I get the feeling the bank's not for you.

I hate it!

I got a bit of paper in the bin from miles away and no-one saw.

That sucks.

And they don't even have a button for if robbers come in.

Well, we've got to rob that bank. I know!

Are you both finished?

Emma, do you want to work here?

Do hip-hop dance crews like finishing on a sound effect of glass breaking?

Yes.

Alright.

That's it?

If you split your wage.

Well, it's more of a gesture.

But you need to understand that small businesses like this cannot stay afloat unless everyone is bringing in an income.

Now, today, for the first time, that's exactly what you both did.

So, we're workmates again?

What, you need a certificate? Yes.

Whoo! Whoo!

And we sold a house! What-what?!

Now you only need to sell two more to meet your quota for the month.

Two more? For the month?

Yes, well, technically, it's four a month, but I thought I'd go easy on you.

Thanks.

Now, which one of you broke my stapler?

BOTH: Mrs Marsh.

Daniel and Emma said it was you who broke my stapler.

Is that true?

Emma threw it after Daniel tried to sell it to her.

Let's go sell a house. Two!

Great. I'll drive. (SHOP BELL CHIMES)