03x01 - M.A.S.H.

[bunniefuu]

Man: No!

No, no, no, no.

[Water splashing]

I found that tape, man.

Yeah, I thought I had lost it in some flooding last fall, but, f*ckin', I didn't.

And, Baba, let me tell you, there are some boss jams on that thing.

Mm-hmm.

My best mix ever.

Well, I'll give you one when I see you.

[Chuckling]

: All right.

Drive safely, Baba.

I'll see you soon.

[Song playing over speakers]

♪ Reputation with a clean name ♪ ♪ Sing a tune without the dream fame ♪ ♪ For a hundred maybe two ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Smoke ♪ ♪ Big factory ♪ ♪ Smoke ♪ ♪ Big factory ♪ [Grunts]

♪ ♪ [Sighs]

♪ ♪ ♪ Now they're blowin' up the islands ♪ ♪ And they're sh**t' in the highlands ♪ [Suppressed coughs]

♪ Soon I know they'll be on my lands ♪ Far out.

[Exhales]

[Clears throat]

♪ Smoke ♪ ♪ Big factory ♪ [Coughs, wheezing]

♪ Smoke ♪ ♪ Big factory ♪ [Water burbling]

[Breathes deeply]

[Birds singing]

[Leaves rustle]

Girl: Yeah, I need some water.

The Guy: Hi.

Man: Hey.

Girl: Hi Girl 2: It's not getting cooler.

♪ ♪ [Slow, indie song playing over stereo]

♪ ♪ ♪ And I look ahead ♪ ♪ Although some things remain unsaid ♪ ♪ There are times we tend ♪ ♪ To play along although we're wrong ♪ ♪ I want to know your love ♪ ♪ Want to know your love ♪ ♪ Your love ♪ ♪ Your love ♪ Mother: Stop.

Babe, come on.

What did I say?

Please, sit down.

Sit down, please, okay?

Child [squeals]: Stop it!

Babe, babe...

Child: No!

[Mother growls]

Child [whining]: Why?

She hit me!

[Door chimes]

Cashier: Hi.

Customer: Hey.

Customer: Can I also pay for pump three?

Cashier: Sure.

How much?

Customer: Let's do 40.

Cashier: Insert your chip, please.

Customer: All right?

Cashier: All set.

Cashier: Here you go.

Customer: I'm good on the receipt.

Cashier: Take care.

Customer: I'll see you later, man.

[Door chimes]

Hey.

Cashier: Hey.

That's it?

No, I want to get a water too.

They over... ?

Yeah.

[Door chimes]

Mother: Hi.

Cashier: Hey.

Um, can I get six on three?

Cashier: Oh, you're all good.

That woman paid.

What woman?

The woman that was just here, she paid for your gas.

That's so nice.

Mother: Thanks.

Cashier: See ya.

The Guy: That's nice.

Cashier: Very.

[Car alarm honks]

[Locks click]

[Engine starts]

Woman [over radio]: Doors open at 5 p.m., buffet at 6 p.m., and performances at 7 p.m.

Kids of all ages welcome.

The Poughkeepsie-Newburgh- Middletown metro area forecast calls for a little bit of drizzle and patchy fog...

[Continues indistinctly]

[Song playing on car stereo]

♪ Two g*ns, chrome ♪ ♪ Two glocks, gone ♪ ♪ I just bought a foreign filled with dope ♪ ♪ Lil' baby, come here, let's wipe your nose ♪ ♪ Lil' baby, come here and bring your hoes ♪ ♪ I guess so, they know I got coke ♪ ♪ Speedballin', X, perco-cets ♪ ♪ She want s*x, I want checks ♪ ♪ I just poured a six in a Mello Yello ♪ ♪ I can't do no swishers, I can't do no 'rillo ♪ ♪ Two-door Lamborghinis and them doors is yellow ♪ [Music stops]

[Voices chattering]

Sorry!

We thought checkout was later.

We'll be out in a few minutes.

No problem.

Woman: Hey guys, let's take a photo.

Thanks, baby.

Mm-hmm.

Val: I don't have time for this sh1t.

I gotta get Kylie to soccer.

Dumb.

[Vacuum whirring]

[Val humming]

Hey, what was that Chardonnay barrel-aged sour you gave me last week?

The Handfarm from Tired Hands.

Do you have another sour or a farmhouse that you would recommend?

Bartender: I think I got something for you.

[Noisey chattering]

Hey, I'm here!

Where you at, Baba?

Are you upstairs?

[Footsteps ascending]

♪ ♪ Suzanne: He wanted to die young, though.

He told me he hoped he didn't make it past 40.

But that was when we were dating, like a million years ago.

I'm sorry.

This is my husband, Bill.

Hi.

Jerry.

Suzanne: Bill and I both teach poli-sci at Vassar.

Suzanne: How'd you know Berg?

Jerry: We met at the college radio station 15 years ago.

He sold me pot ever since.

Oh, sounds about right.

But every time I'd call him out on that funny smell wafting in our windows, he'd say, "Who me?

There's skunks everywhere, man." He taught me guitar, but it's not like we ever got to the lessons or anything.

I know, I know.

"Let me twist one up for us, Baba." Yeah.

"Forget about the notes, man.

Let's jam!" "Life is funny...

" Both: "Bees make honey!" Sal: What a guy.

Joy: Oh, my gosh.

That sweet, man.

Oh, I'm gonna miss him.

But it's beautiful to see all these people here.

[Joy continues indistinctly]

[Softly]: I got you something, Baba.

[Chattering, laughing]

Yo.

What's up, man?

Hey.

How are you?

I'm doin' good, man.

Good to see you.

It's been a while.

Man, I can't even remember the last time I saw you.

I think it was...

You were with a guy from Kentucky on a motorcycle.

Right.

Yeah, man.

Dude, you and your wife were here, camping in a tent on the lawn.

Oh yeah.

Good memory.

What's up, man?

How are you?

You know, I mean, I'm growing in the Berkshires now.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

g*dd*mn, I keep forgetting Massachusetts is legal, and, like, right there.

It's f*cking crazy, dude.

I mean, I spent years smoking Berg-schwag, but this past year, I've been supplying him with the kindest bud you ever saw.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

You know, maybe I should get your number.

I'm always looking for, like, uh, someone to hang out with.

For sure.

I know what you mean.

Hey!

Hey.

I think this is for you.

That's your RV outside, right?

Yeah.

Oh, wow, that is me.

Yeah.

I found it when I was cleaning up.

Man, I was supposed to come up this week, but, uh...

I guess I just missed him.

You know, this is a great party, Cori.

Thanks.

It's really cool.

I want to put this pie down.

Suzanne: Anyway, I...

I don't actually think that he was lonely.

That man had a very rich interior life and world.

He kept his cup very full, and I feel like one of the lucky people he gave a drink to.

[Chuckling]

Woman: Yeah.

Suzanne: To Berg.

All: To Berg!

Greg: Whoa, heh.

Getting smoky in here.

Suzanne: g*dd*mn right!

Um, thanks for coming everyone.

It's really awesome to be with a bunch of people who loved Berg.

Uh, I'm Cori.

I was his friend, and I was his neighbor for the last couple of years.

I live upstairs.

And we had this weekly ritual of...

Well, it was more like a daily ritual of getting stoned.

[Laughter]

And we would watch old episodes of Doctor Who together.

And I would bring over a nice beer, and he would order a pizza from Emiliano's...

an onion pizza, just onions.

[Laughter]

But I'm rambling now.

Um...

You know, like, Berg didn't have much in the way of blood family, and he and I had that in common...

[Voice breaking]: but he was, like, better than any family.

Better than any family that I've ever known.

And the thing that I appreciate about...

appreciate about him is that he never judged me for anything.

Woman: Yeah, that's right.

He...

He didn't judge anyone, did he?

So...

Woman: No.

He just, like, would let you be...

exactly the kind of person that you needed to be.

Like, you didn't have to clean up your place for him.

[Laughter]

He just was easy.

[Crying]: And he was my friend, so...

Cori: To Berg.

All: To Berg!

I'll go.

Come on, everyone.

Let's jam!

Wait.

I was gonna...

[Cheering]

Rita: What should we play?

He always ended every radio set with "Crimson and Clover." [Cheers, applause]

Rita: Oh, boy.

That brings back memories.

Jerry: Okay, we got a plan.

Everybody good with that?

All: Yeah!

Jerry: A's, Es, Ds, okay?

Good.

All right.

Uh, okay.

♪ A's, Es, Ds ♪ Jerry: All right.

Uh, here we go.

One, two, three, four.

All: ♪ Ah ♪ ♪ I don't hardly know her ♪ ♪ But think I could love her ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ Crimson and clover ♪ ♪ Ah ♪ ♪ Always wanted to show her ♪ Joy: ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ All: ♪ Crimson and clover ♪ ♪ Over and over ♪ Woman: ♪ Doo, doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ [Triangle tings]

Yeah!

[Laughter, cheers]

Here we go!

♪ ♪ Woo!

All: ♪ Ah ♪ ♪ Crimson and clover ♪ [Muffled singing continuing]

I'm so sorry.

I didn't see you.

Oh, no, no.

I was just seeing if maybe Berg had decided to stick around in here.

You know, he left his body while he was in a bath.

Oh, wow.

I didn't know that.

I can let you have your privacy.

No, no, no, no.

It's all right.

I'm sure he's still circulating this party...

[Laughing]: if I know Berg.

All right.

[Rita chuckles]

[Birds singing]

Well, sh1t.

All right.

[Ducks quacking]

[Exhales]

[Loon wails]

[Sighs]

Sorry to be nosy.

Oh.

Was that weed I smelled earlier?

Oh, yeah.

Amazing.

Sorry, I'm coming at you like some fiend.

It's not for me, it's for my friend.

The Guy: Aw, man.

Yeah, this is Nigel.

He's got a problem.

I'm Lee.

I'm totally cool.

[Chuckles]

Hi, Lee.

I'm...

[Coughing]

Oh, I'm sorry.

You okay?

Mm-hmm.

Want so...

Want some more?

No.

[Laughing]: No, I do not.

I'm so sorry.

It's all right.

So, color consultant.

Do you have like...

mental associations with colors?

Mm-hmm.

Like, are you a synesthete?

A little bit.

I mean, there are some associations.

It's not...

It's...

I don't necessarily, like, uh, hear green.

But if I said the number six, would you have a color in mind?

Hmm...

curry.

Curry.

What about summertime?

Peach.

Ooh.

Loneliness?

Indigo, definitely.

Yeah.

I like this RV.

Yeah, it's awesome.

I love it.

I've been just chillin' for like the last two weeks.

[Nigel growling]

Having the time of my f*cking life.

What's up, buddy?

Hey, buddy!

Oh, he's hungry.

We gotta feed him.

Do you want to eat?

[Growling]

[Growling continues]

What, does he have to answer before you feed him?

Do you...

do you want to eat?

Do you?

Well, you were looking at the dog.

Right, and then I turned...

I pivoted my head and looked at you.

Well, now you're looking at me.

Now I'm looking at you.

Do you want to eat?

Okay.

[Distant train horn blaring]

Woman: It's crazy.

But you know what?

Stella loves that.

Woman 2: I know.

And I'm still going to ask her to cover for me.

[Chuckles]

Um, I loved this.

Can I have a growler to take home?

Yeah, you got it.

Thank you.

Cori: Hey, sorry.

I said onions.

Not veggie, just onions.

Man: Ah, sorry Cori.

No problem.

Don't forget me.

Oh.

Sarah...

Dr.

Who: Don't you forget me.

Sarah: Bye, Doctor.

Dr.

Who: Bye.

[Cell phone vibrating]

Sarah: You know, travel does broaden the mind.

Dr.

Who: Yes.

Until we meet again, Sarah.

[Phone clatters]

The Guy: Okay, the results are in.

You ready?

Lee: Mm.

You're gonna be married to Angela Merkel, and you'll have 2,001 children together.

Wow.

Your car will be self-driving, and you'll live in a shack.

Nice.

Angela's a boss, super hot.

I can make a shack cute.

Cute shack, baby.

Your turn.

Go for it.

All right.

Your future awaits.

Potential spouses...

I don't want to get married again.

Lee: No?

Well, I don't know.

You want to get married?

Uh...

Technically, I'm not divorced yet.

Well, you know, it takes a while.

Uh-huh.

At least a year sometimes.

Yeah.

I'd prefer it didn't take so long.

Bad?

Was yours bad?

Oh, no.

We're friends.

We're good.

Lucky.

Yeah, I mean, I still totally get it.

When it wasn't good, it wasn't good.

Yeah.

I gotta keep going here.

I think we're good on the game.

Mm-hmm.

We can trash M.A.S.H.

Let's trash M.A.S.H.

You tired?

All right, I'll just call a Lyft, and then you don't have to drive me back.

It's not a...

I'm kind of drunk, so...

Or you could just sleep here.

Do you want to?

Yes!

[Whispers]: What happened to you?

What happened...

Preventative medicine?

Yeah, maybe.

[Voice cracking]

Thank you.

Your voice just cracked.

I know.

Thanks for dinner.

I had a really nice time with you.

I'm, um...

yeah.

I'm glad we met.

Same.

Yeah.

All right, well, good night.

[Sighs]

Traitor.

Good night.

[Sighs]

♪ ♪ ♪ Glad, baby ♪ ♪ Walked in the park ♪ ♪ Sad, baby ♪ ♪ Kissed in the dark ♪ ♪ Leaves b*rned just like ♪ Hello?

♪ Just like a spark ♪ ♪ Now I'm glad ♪ Indigo.

♪ Glad about the good times ♪ ♪ That we've had ♪ ♪ Sad, baby ♪ [Birds singing]

Good morning.

[Nigel barks]

Lee: Hello, hello.

Hey.

Did you sleep okay?

Yeah, I slept great.

Oh my God.

I feel like a new man.

Yeah, Paul Newman.

That's me.

Coffee?

Yeah, sure.

What time is it?

It's about 11:15.

Oh, man.

I don't usually sleep this late.

Well, you probably needed it.

Yeah.

Um...

You cool?

Everything good?

Yeah, totally.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Um...

There's just a place in town that I need to go to get the good eggs, 'cause if you don't get there by a certain time, they're all gone.

Oh, yeah.

Well...

[Cockney accent]: Come on, Nigel.

[Nigel grows]

If we don't get the good eggs, we'll have to eat gruel.

And that's all we eat.

The Guy: I was so glad we went.

I miss video stores.

Lee: Yeah, Joyce's Lawn & Video.

Joyce is fun.

She's a gem.

And she had Drop Dead Gorgeous , which is not a video you can find online.

I've been looking.

[Laughing]: Really?

I needed this, too.

You did.

I could tell you needed it.

Hey, uh...

This is kind of funny, but, um...

I saw you buy gas for that mom the other day.

Huh.

That was you, right?

Wait, really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I can't believe you saw that.

You do that a lot?

No.

Well...

no.

Funny thing I didn't mention is that I'm...

pregnant.

Really?

Yep.

Is that a good thing?

[Sighs]

Messy?

It's pretty messy.

It's my ex's, so...

You okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, I will be.

You know, what they say about pregnancies is, "No big deal." [Laughing]

They do say that, don't they?

Like...

[Scoffs]

Whatever.

Yeah.

Life is funny.

Bees make honey.

Yeah, that's true.

Um...

So you...

You for sure have to go back to the city tonight?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm gonna be there Wednesday.

Do you want to hang out?

Well...

Yes.

[Laughing]

I do.

Yeah, okay.

I'm not really sure how to get in there.

It's like there's a...

I wasn't planning for this.

It's like a gate.

["Les Amis" by Francois de Roubaix plays on stereo]

[Laughing]

["Les Amis" continues on the guy's stereo]

[Loud metallic bang]

Aah!

[Engine sputters]

["Les Amis" continuing]

♪ ♪ ["Les Amis" continuing]

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Man: My bike was stolen.

The Guy: Have you checked Craigslist?

[Yelps]

How often do you think Craigslist missed connections are about you?

This is the first one.

I'm so honored.

You wouldn't be interested in a bag of sand, would you?

Nah, I'm good.

The Guy: Listen, man.

I don't wanna take business away from myself, but I don't know if you should be smoking pot.