03x07 - A Whole Lotta Lobsta

[bunniefuu]

I can't wait for the camp lobster festival tonight.

Yeah, it will be a lot more fun than Ravi's geometry theme party.

Hey, Pythagorean Palooza was a big hit.

No, it wasn't.

It was so boring, half the campers tried to escape by swimming across the lake.

It was a hot day.

They were just cooling off.

End of story.

Whatevs.

As our new camp chef, you have to make sure the lobster dinner is fabulous.

This is our first time in charge of the festival and it has to be perfect.

Have no fear.

I shall start with a lobster salad, followed by a delicious lobster Newburg, and desert will be a lobster pudding.

Lobster pudding?

There's gonna be a bunch of more campers hitting the lake.

Okay people, put your claws together for the centerpiece of the festival, Larry, the lobster.

Wow.

Considering Mrs.

Mommy made him 30 years ago for the first lobster festival, he looks pretty good.

You could still see the great Christina's fingerprints.

I don't think it's a good idea that Lou has access to Mom's fingerprints.

So, Ravi, you're in charge of the food.

Lou and I are in charge of entertainment.

Think that covers everything.

Wait, what am I in charge off?

Folding the napkins.

Folding the napkins?

Ooh, pinata!

I call first smack.

[Lou stammers]

No candy?

What a rip-off.

[Gasps]

Poor Larry.

At least he went quick.

Zuri, you really wanna be in charge of something?

How about Finn?

[Finn screaming]

Are the napkins still an option?

All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ Ravi: Clear the way, clear the way.

Is there anything more delightful than a crate crammed with crustaceans?

Ravi, I haven't seen you this excited since you got you first chest hair.

Update, that turned out to be a stray cat hair.

But yes, I am excited.

Lobster's yummy.

And those little bibs are so cute.

I love any food that comes with an accessory.

I'm not a lobster fan ever since I found out how they're cooked, boiled alive.

What?

Alive?

Yes, alive.

Well, we better start setting up the stage for the lobster brother show.

They're always the highlight of the camp festival.

Yeah.

And I'm really sorry Finn smashed Larry.

He can be a bit out of control.

I once lost him at the zoo and found him an hour later flinging his own poop at the monkeys.

Look, don't worry.

Zuri's willing to babysit Finn and make sure he fixes Larry.

That's awfully nice of Zuri.

She's gouging me for a 100 bucks an hour.

That sounds more like her.

How's the papier maching coming, Finn?

Great.

Check out these pythons.

Hey, bro.

Do you even lift, bro?

Chill, bro.

Right now, we need to get that lobster fixed.

Hand me that glue.

Okay.

Finn, you made a mess.

Sorry, I'll clean it up.

Uh-oh.

I'm stuck.

Just stop and I'll clean it up myself.

I'll use Matteo's dorky dinosaur sheets.

Good idea.

Finn?

Man, that kid's annoying.

But I don't have to tell you.

Um, what are we doing in the lobster t*nk?

Wondering why are hands are rubber-banded together?

Actually, that is so you do not pinch me when I toss you into a pot of boiling water and cook you for dinner.

Ravi, why are you dressed like a lobster?

Oh, I'm not dressed like a lobster, I am a lobster, which makes it difficult to turn on the stove.

And put in my contacts.

Wait, you can't eat us.

We have feelings.

Feelings?

No, you are land bugs for us lobsters to eat.

And eat you, I shall.

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

Destiny, why were you screaming?

Were you dreaming about showering without sandals?

That's a recurring nightmare that I have.

No.

I dreamed that Ravi was a lobster, and he was about to dump us in boiling water and eat us.

But were we wearing sandals?

Stop worrying about foot fungus.

We have to save those lobsters.

Add a little parsley, and perfect.

The stage is all set for the lobster brothers.

That big bowl of melted butter is making me hungry.

Oh, that's actually toxic sludge I skimmed off the lake.

That toxic sludge is making me hungry.

Zuri: Finn, stop!

Finn, smash.

Finn!

Oh, no.

[Finn roaring]

What a mess.

Don't get any sludge in your mouth or ideally even touch it, but we're past that.

Zuri, isn't Emma paying you to watch Finn?

Not enough.

Okay, I'll go make sure he doesn't cause any more trouble.

On an unrelated note, where do we keep the electric fencing?

Destiny: Ravi, the lobster bibs arrived for your seafood t*rture party.

I prefer to call it a festival.

What...

Why are these bibs so tiny?

It looks like they made bibs for the lobsters instead of us.

Well, I'm going to give quit the verbal dressing down to the not-so-fine people at Bippity Boppity Bibs.

I can't believe Ravi fell for it.

How did you sew all those tiny bibs so fast?

I have a lot of hidden talents.

I also know Krav Maga.

Never mess with me.

It wasn't on my list.

Now quick, we have to switch the real lobsters with these fake ones.

Got it.

Aww.

I'm gonna name her Shelly.

She's so cute, I could kiss her.

You do know lobsters pee from their faces, right?

And into the bag you go.

How're we gonna soak up all this fake butter by tonight?

A big piece of fake toast?

No offense Lou, but Finn is a walking demolition derby.

I'd feel safer around a baboon juggling Chainsaws.

You wouldn't say that if you'd ever been to Buster's Bargain Circus.

And Zuri could have kept a better eye on him.

Well, in her defense, trying to control Finn is like trying to lasso a tornado.

My uncle Beefus tried that once.

How'd that work out?

I'll let you know if I ever see him again.

Okay, I am really starting to rethink visiting your hometown.

[Timer dings]

Oh, my first delicious lobster is ready.

[Reading the tag]

Made in China.

These are supposed to be from Maine.

Hi.

How's the lobster dinner coming?

Why?

What have you heard?

Nothing.

Oh, then it is going splendidly.

Ravi, remember when you asked me to tell you when you're being weird?

Well, you're doing it now.

Okay.

Bye.

Hey.

You know what would be cooler than a papier mache lobster?

A real lobster?

With a steak and a roof-top view of the city?

I really miss New York.

No.

A papier mache Lobzilla.

It would have giant claws...

And a huge tail that it could whip at my enemies.

I mean, its enemies.

And it would destroy everything in its path.

Ooh, can it start with Ravi and Emma?

That way, I will inherit even more money.

But maybe there's been enough destruction for one day.

Why don't you get back to work.

No way.

I gotta make Lobzilla now!

I'll go get the Chainsaw.

I can't get out.

What is this thing?

It's a child-proof lock.

I use one of those on my bedroom door to keep Emma out.

It's been six years and the woman still can't figure out how it works.

Meanwhile, you need to get back to working on that lobster.

I'll help you.

Thanks, Zuri.

I had a lot of fun hanging out with you today.

Yeah, I am pretty great to hang out with.

And so are you.

Even though you glued your hands to your butt three times.

Four.

I can't believe those stupid lobsters ran away.

Don't they know we're trying to save them?

They spent the whole day waiting to be cooked alive.

You can't blame them for having trust issues.

Oh, here's one.

Found one.

[Snips]

Ow!

Found two.

Ravi: Destiny, Matteo!

It's Ravi.

Quick, hide the bag.

Oh, there you two are.

What do you have to say about this?

If that's an attempt at sculpting, you need to find a new hobby.

Cut the horse hockey.

I know you two took my lobsters and replaced them with plastic ones.

Where are the real ones?

How should we know?

We're not gonna help you find your victims, sicko.

There are no lobsters in here.

Perhaps they're in the Woodchuck cabin.

Hey guys, it worked.

Except, one of you gave me a purple nurple.

Guys, hide!

Destiny, what is the matter?

I'm sick.

[Coughs]

This whole lobster thing has really taken a toll on me.

Oh, really?

Perhaps it's the guilt you feel for absconding with my lobsters which are no doubt, in here.

[Screams]

Ladies' dainties!

Ow.

See?

This is why people try to cook you.

J'accuse!

Gesundheit.

The jig is up.

Where have you hidden my main course?

If you have any questions, talk to my attorney.

As her attorney, I suggest that you don't make her angry.

She knows Krav Maga.

Oh, I have ways of making you talk.

Please, please, please, just tell me!

This dinner is really important.

I'll be your best friend forever and ever.

Okay, okay.

We released them.

Now stop torturing us.

We're just children.

You folded faster than a wet taco.

Snitches get stitches.

Don't make me break out my Krav Maga.

Man, this is a rough camp.

You're too late, Ravi.

We saved the lobsters and now they're swimming free in the lake.

What?

That means you drowned them.

Lobsters die in fresh water.

They do?

Oh, no!

Shelly's gonna drown.

Now I must go rescue them from your rescue attempt so I can cook them.

Ah, I see the irony.

Okay, we're ready to paint Larry the Lobster.

You guys have any red paint?

I think there's some in the shed.

Yeah, Ravi uses it to paint the rotten apples.

I love the shed.

That's where all the rusty power tools are.

Emma, what time are the Lobster Bothers supposed to get here?

I don't know.

You talked to them on the phone.

No.

I thought you were gonna call them.

Wait?

So they're not coming?

Oh, no.

The entire camp is expecting the best in lobster-themed entertainment.

Quick, call them.

[Crows cawing]

Man: Hello, you've reached The Lobster Brothers.

Since no one wanted to hire us, as of today we quit show business.

Ugh, this is all Finn's fault.

If we hadn't been so busy rebuilding the stage, we would've remembered to call.

Well, we wouldn't have had to rebuild the stage if Zuri had babysat him like she was supposed to.

Then we could've called the Lobster Brothers in time and they wouldn't have had to quit show business.

[Scoffs]

So, that's why you're hanging out with me?

To babysit me?

I thought you were my friend.

I am your friend.

I'm just getting paid for it.

It's a win-win.

Finn, can we talk?

I don't need a babysitter, so you can leave.

I'd open the door for you, but I still can't figure out that the plastic thing on the handle.

Finn, I'm really sorry.

The truth is, I did start hanging out with you because Emma and Lou asked me to keep an eye on you.

And maybe a leash.

I didn't mean to ruin anything.

I was just trying to have fun.

Well, can't you have fun without taking a wrecking ball to everything?

Did Lou tell you about the wrecking ball incident?

All I did was turn our kitchen into a drive-thru.

Awesome!

I mean, don't do that here, But awesome.

[Chuckles]

My point is...

I may have been babysitting you, but while I was doing it I realized you're a really cool kid.

You don't have to lie to me.

I'm not lying.

You're funny, extremely energetic, and you have amazing ideas.

Like that Lobzilla thing.

Thanks.

You should've seen my Tyrannosaurus-cat.

Our dog's been under the couch for a year.

Hard to believe anybody thought you needed a babysitter.

[Both chuckle]

Glue again?

Sorry.

[All chanting]

Lobster brothers!

Lobster brothers!

The campers are not going to be happy when we tell them the Lobster Brothers aren't coming.

They're everyone's favorite.

Before we handed out those wooden lobster mallets and tiny forks.

Well...

Be careful out there.

Me?

Why do I have to tell them?

Because you can take a punch better than me.

Wait.

What if we do the Lobster Brothers performance?

Lou, you didn't swallow any of that toxic fake butter, did you?

Why?

[Mumbles]

Is my tongue glowing?

Little bit.

Where are we even gonna find lobster costumes?

There's got to be costumes in all those boxes of lobster stuff.

Gladys had a crush on the guy who ran the Lob-Store, so she kept going back until she got everything in there.

Except a date.

Okay, let's do it.

If they hate it, at least we'll have thick costumes to protect us, if they try to s*ab us with their tiny forks.

Goodbye, Shelly.

[Sing songy]

Cannot wait to have you in the belly.

Ravi, don't do this.

Yeah.

Lobsters do have feelings.

Please.

Their brains are the size of a pea.

So is Finn's.

It doesn't mean we should cook him and eat him.

Definitely not.

There isn't a temperature high enough to cook off all the bacteria.

Come on, Ravi, look into Shelly's eyes.

If you don't see anything worth saving in them, then go ahead and cook her.

Fine.

[Sighs]

Where exactly are her eyes?

Oh, there.

No, those are her antennae.

That's her rostrum.

There you go.

Oh!

Her eyes are quite captivating.

And they do convey a profound sense of sadness.

Of course they do.

You're about to boil her alive.

Oh, look at that, the poor thing is starting to cry.

You know...

Do not tell him that she's peeing.

I do feel bad for the little guys, but Emma and the campers are counting on me.

Well, Shelly's counting on you too.

And so are we.

Please, Ravi.

Please.

Oh, very well.

I shall spare them.

Yay!

Thank you, Ravi.

You are welcome.

Now, perhaps you can help me figure out what I'm going to serve to everyone.

Save the three campers who requested a kosher meal.

Lou: Camp Kikiwaka, prepare to be awed by a squad of Cape Cod decapods.

Emma: The Lobster Brothers.

[All cheering]

[Upbeat music playing]

♪ We are the Lobster Brothers who are here to entertain all you ♪ ♪ We'll dance and sing and kick our claws ♪ ♪ Anything for your applause ♪ [All booing]

This isn't working.

What gave it away?

All the booing?

Don't worry, angry mob, you haven't seen our Papa Lobster dance yet.

[Booing]

This is a disaster.

This is the worst Lobster Festival ever.

[Heavy footsteps approaching) (Bubbling]

What is that?

I have no idea.

[Monstrous sounds]

[Campers screaming]

Lobzilla!

[Speaking foreign language]

[All screaming]

[Electrical buzzing]

[Campers screaming]

Oops.

Did they like it?

Define "like." It's just Zuri and Finn.

[All exclaiming]

I knew that the whole time.

Finn!

You made a mess again.

But the campers loved it.

They're not booing anymore.

You guys are the Lobster Brothers?

No.

There was a slight mix-up with the Lobster Brothers, so we had to improvise.

Which wasn't going that great.

You can say that again.

Until you guys showed up with your giant lobster and saved the day.

Which was the plan all along.

And his name is Lobzilla.

So, you should thank Finn.

This was all his idea.

Thank you, Finn.

We owe you big time.

You're welcome.

And I have a lot of other great ideas.

Where can I find 30 gallons of kerosene and a kite?

He's just joking.

You're joking, right?

[Whispering]

Just nod.

Lou: Okay, campers.

Glad you enjoyed our show.

And now for the perfect ending for the perfect Lobster Festival.

Ravi, bring out the lobster.

[Campers cheer]

Campers: Ew!

What are those?

This year, to save the precious lives of the real lobsters I have decided to serve tofu-obster.

[Campers booing]

Okay, it might not be quite as tasty as the real thing, but if you dunk it in enough butter...

Get him!

[Screaming]

I say next year we start a new tradition, Pizza Fest.

[All booing]

Ravi, bring out the pizza.

All: Yeah!

Okay, this year, since we do not want to steal milk from unwilling cows, I went with...

All Cheese-less Pizza.

[All booing]

Get him!

[Screaming]

[All booing]

Ravi, bring out the jalapeno poppers.

All: Yay!

Here we are.

Delicious jalapeno poppers.

Made with real, actual jalapenos, right?

[Scoffs]

Of course.

There will be no attacking me this year.

Wait.

Where are the dipping sauces?

Darn it!

[All booing]

Get him!

[Screaming]