02x12 - Stuck Dancing with My Dad

[bunniefuu]

For all those times Mom makes me go back to the grocery store to get something she forgot, I present my latest invention... the Grocer-Whee!

As in yell "whee," not pee your pants.

Though with the speed of this baby, you might do both.

I just need someone to test it.

Luckily, in a big family, there's always someone available to help.

Busy. Busy.

Sure. Great. Let's go.

You guys will be perfect for testing what it's like to ride with watermelons.

Not so fast.

We're sick of everyone asking us littles for help, and not getting compensated.

So we started a business.

If you want A Little Help, you're gonna have to pay for it.

I'm not paying you. Then no.

Good luck finding three other watermelon impersonators on short notice.

That's lunch, guys.

Well, when your family turns out to be a giant disappointment, you can always turn to your best friend.

Grocer-Whee?

I don't know. It sounds fast.

Yeah, that's the "whee" part, Ellie.

How about you test, and I watch?

From a safe distance.

Ellie lives her whole life from a safe distance.

Her mom is so over-protective, Ellie's afraid of everything.

Hopscotch?! Uneven sidewalks are the quickest way to lose a tooth.

A kite?! Toys on strings are the quickest way to lose a tooth.

A merry-go-round? Not belting yourself in is the quickest way to lose a tooth.

If that was true, these would be long gone.

Makes me wonder which came first... the chicken or the chicken's chicken mom.

Ellie.

My job as your friend is to be a good influence.

I'm going to teach this chicken to fly.

Remember that day at school when you pretended to be me so we could fool the teacher?

There was a super moon that week.

I don't know if it affected me like it does the tides.

Next one's in 2034; we'll find out then.

Being scared of everything is no way to live.

I bet there's a ton of things you'd like to try.

I would like to go horseback riding.

But there's the horse, and the riding.

Just thinking about it makes my throat close up.

Throat closed, Ellie?

Need a little help?

Let me take a look.

Okay, now you should be scared.

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like things are outta control ♪

♪ Like you're living in a circus ♪

♪ Tryin' to figure out your way in the world ♪

♪ Where you're at is kinda perfect ♪

♪ So turn it up, turn it up ♪

♪ Do your thing, don't stop ♪

♪ Let the games begin, let's jump right in ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the middle of the party ♪

♪ We're just getting started ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the eye of the tornado, rowin' in the same boat ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ Get stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

Sticking my hand under the boys' bed is one step too far.

That's the fear talking.

And that's who we're crushing today. Go!

Five, four, three, two... Ewww.

And you made it!

Huh? Hey, look.

You found Beast's chicken finger.

Serves me right for walking past Lewie and Beast's room.

Hey, how did your film club meeting go the other night?

Really well.

We watched the new Batman, and we...

Wait, why are you asking me something about myself?

Because I wanna go to the next meeting.

Why?

Hey, Rach, it's Mom.

It went straight to voicemail, so you must be very busy.

I just wanted to let you know that you're an hour past curfew.

And that's not the skirt you left the house in.

So you're grounded for two weeks.

Love you. Bye.

Grounded?! It's not my fault Conner's motorcycle ran out of gas.

You were on a motorcycle?

Hey, I'm home.

I'm gonna go make myself a sandwich.

He's late too.

How come he's not getting a punishment phone call?

Because he was at the film club that he runs at the Bait And Bite; that's a school event.

I can't leave the house unless it's for school, or a school event that my date also shows up at.

So I'm joining Film Club.

You wanna use my club as a cover to see some guy.

Maybe. Does Dad hang out there?

No, he just opens the store and leaves.

Then yes.

Awesome. I was looking to be an accomplice for some nameless, faceless dude I don't care about.

Question: how many girls normally show up to your movie nights?

Does Howie's mom count?

I bet my friends would be interested in learning about film.

Especially that super cute one you can never get without my help.

Be more specific. That's all of them.

Brittany Ross. Tonight, 7:00 p.m. See you at Film Club.

It's a pillow fight. Take off the mask and pads.

That wasn't so bad.

I've always wanted to scream this without a mouth guard.

Pillow fight!!

And there goes the last banana.

Time for your final exam.

Horseback riding.

Love the spirit, but I've got a better idea.

Let's put the cart before the horse.

You hop in, and I'll drive.

Or...

I could drive.

Wow. Our little Ellie's come a long way in one day.

Aww, this must be how a mama bird feels when her baby bird wants to drive the Grocer-Whee.

Okay, just keep it at a reasonable speed and...

I see you've had an accident.

This week, we have a special on cover-ups.

You know what would be special?

You going away.

We can do that as well.

Leaving. We'll send you the bill.

My mom's mailbox is ruined.

I'm gonna be in so much trouble.

It's not great, but don't panic.

I mean, how bad of a punishment can she dish out?

You're already not allowed to have TV and junk food.

You're right.

What's the worst that could happen?

She's sending me to boarding school.

I wanted to get Ellie out of her shell, not out of my life.

New name for my cart... the Grocer Whee Have A Problem.

Okay.

This is crazy.

You do one thing you're not supposed to do, and your mom's sending you to boarding school?

Where? Some place called Radistone Academy.

Mom says it's great. It'll be good for me.

She also thinks mung beans are good for you.

This is going to be bad.

She's actually been talking about sending me there for a while.

But all of a sudden, boom, she enrolled me.

How's that going to solve anything?

It will get you away from me.

You riding my invention must've pushed her over the edge.

She thinks I'm a bad influence.

The semester starts in two weeks.

What'll we do?

We make the bad influence go away so you don't have to.

So... how may we Little Help you today?

We need to stage a fake fight between me and Ellie.

We can do that. What are we talking here?

Pushing, pinching?

We're gonna need advance notice if you want pie throwing.

And I should warn you, it is on a per-pie basis.

This is just a verbal argument.

We wanna make Ms. Peters think we aren't friends.

But then we won't be friends.

I'm usually a big fan of your schemes, but I don't see how that's a win.

Ellie, I explained this.

I know, but my brain just locks up whenever you mention we're not friends.

Only for a couple of weeks.

Just long enough for you to miss this opening to get into Radistone.

So I've got you down for two pies.

Are we also going with the pinching?

No pies, no pinching.

We are going to tell you what to say.

And you're going to play along to help sell it.

Fake fight support.

What's our going rate on that?

Thousand bucks. Or 60 meatballs.

I'll let you use my trampoline shoes.

Done!

So that's nice, Rachel and Ethan doing Film Club together.

Yeah. Brother-sister school activity, Rachel branching out.

It's great.

It's weird, right?

So weird. They're up to something.

I'll check the security camera feed from the store.

Final cup is being set. Here we go.

What's going on?

Well, I'm not an expert, but shouldn't a film club have a film?

They totally played us.

I was all relaxed, and now I have to go down there and punish them.

Or. Or? I like or.

We could hold off and t*rture them.

I will go for whichever one doesn't require me to put on shoes.

I was pleased you asked me over to teach you about poetry.

I mean, other than the kind that gets your mouth washed out with soap.

I love poetry. I couldn't be more interested if I was getting paid.

Here's one I wrote myself.

It's called "Happiness."

"A dark sky. A restless nap.

A headless doll sits on my lap."

I'm just going to, uh...

All right, just like we practiced.

Ready, set, fight.

I am so mad at you.

You call that fighting?

Do it like you hear in our house.

Who used the last of the ketchup?

This hot dog is bone dry.

Better. Now, stick to the script.

I don't know why you made me ride the Grocer-Whee.

I didn't want to.

Oh, it was fun. Loosen up.

It was dangerous. You're a bad influence, Harley.

Ellie, what's going on?

Mom.

Sorry you had to see me so angry.

But she brings out the worst in me.

You're no fun, and everybody knows it.

And everybody knows it.

Wow, Lewie, looks like Ellie and Harley are in a big fight. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Next thing you know, they're gonna be throwing pies.

No, they won't.

So what, you don't wanna be friends anymore?

What?

Two friends in a fight.

Who's wrong, who's right?

Give her one more chance, Ellie.

She's already had her chance.

This friendship is over.

Fine. If that's how you feel, then go. Mom, I'm sorry, but you're not allowed to hang out with the Diazes anymore.

We're out of here.

It was a pleasure to serve you.

If you want to hear more of my poems, my E-book is available for pre-order.

Oh, good, you're home from work.

How was your day? It was... - Yeah, don't care.

Rachel and Ethan are upstairs. You ready to have some fun?

Why are we even still talking?

Hey, Rach.

I meant to ask.

How was Film Club last night?

It was amazing.

In a school-y, learning kind of way.

Not just the enjoying yourself kind of way.

That's great to hear.

So what did you guys watch?

It was a French movie.

Star-crossed lovers who met in Paris during the w*r. So romantic. Oh!

Alien invasion flick.

Martians go undercover and open a car wash in San Antonio.

It was in crazy HD, Technicolor.

Small black and white film with subtitles.

I may have even learned a little French.

Oh, well, I want to encourage your love of cinema.

You guys should do it again tonight.

Great idea.

I mean, for Rachel.

She asked if she could lead the next discussion.

We should probably jump on that before she loses her courage.

Oh, you're a thoughtful brother.

I do what I can.

We're gonna be studying a longer movie this time, so we're gonna be home way later.

The longer the movie, the more of a chance to learn.

Great. Because that's what this should be.

A learning experience.

We are good.

We are good.

Hey, Ms. Peters. What are you doing here?

I came to talk to you.

If it's about the fight I had with Ellie, I'm sorry, but I was pretty mad.

You can drop the act, Harley.

What act?

Oh, come on.

I didn't believe you or that terrible performance by your little troupe of crossing guards.

I know you and Ellie faked that fight.

She knows?!

Maybe if I close my eyes, she'll go away.

Nope. I could really use a little help right now.

I'm sorry. Fake?

Fight?

That would be crazy. Insane.

Which I now fully realize. Glad we got that cleared up. Okay, bye.

Nice try.

Spill it.

We did it so Ellie wouldn't have to go to boarding school.

We knew you were sending her there to get her away from me.

Believe it or not, this is not about you.

The world doesn't revolve around the Diazes.

Although your family comprises a large percentage of the population.

Well, then, why were you sending her to Radistone?

Well, a last-minute slot just opened up, so I jumped at the opportunity.

Then I witnessed what I can only describe as a crime against the theater.

The real crime is that cost me a sweet pair of trampoline shoes.

Well, you win. I cancelled Ellie's enrollment.

Why? You knew it was a fake fight.

I realized if Ellie went that far to get out of going to Radistone, that she must really not want to go, so she's staying.

Yes! Ellie's staying!

Mrs. Peters, you are the best!

Wow. A lot of firsts this week.

I know you think I'm a villain, but I would never send my daughter someplace she wouldn't love.

I want the best, and sometimes, that requires a little push.

Best for her.

Like her mom would even know.

Radistone Academy, where your children can live their dreams.

This school's historic grounds cover 700 acres of lush farmland that serve as an idyllic setting for an unparalleled educational transformation.

Wow, wherever that is, you know we can't afford to go there on vacation.

It's a school.

Ellie was going to go there.

But now she's not.

Why not? Look at those activities.

They've got Ellie written all over them.

You're right.

My job as your friend is to be a good influence.

She would love this place.

She should go.

Won't that be hard for you if Ellie went away?

Yeah.

Very.

Conner and Angela are waiting for us at the mall.

Once Mom and Dad leave, we'll meet them there.

Film Club's a lot easier to plan when you don't have a movie, or a screen, or an audience.

Okay, condiments cleared, register's locked.

Have fun watching the movie.

Dad, we're not just watching movies.

We're experiencing film. You know what?

You're making it sound so good, we'd like to experience it with you. What?!

Yeah, it's not every day we get to bond with our kids over something they're so passionate about.

We'll go grab a quick bite, and be back in a half hour.

We've got 29 minutes to put together a fake film club.

That'd make a great idea for a movie.

Yeah, a horror movie. Go, go, go.

Harley.

Ellie?

Harley.

Harley!

Get out of there. What are you doing?

You told me to meet you here.

You know we're not supposed to be talking.

About that.

I looked up Radistone Academy.

It's amazing.

That's why your mom wants you to go there.

Wait, you're on her team now?

I'm on your team.

This is hard for me to say, but I think your mom and I both are.

We had a plan, Harley. This was not it.

But the plan was wrong.

I don't have another fake fight on the schedule.

We don't have anything on the schedule.

Let's get in there and make some coin.

I don't understand.

You want me to go away?

Wow. This sounds bad.

Too soon.

Could this be the end of Ellie and Harley?

Guys.

Two friends in a fight.

Who's wrong, who's right?

Of course I don't want you moving away.

But this is what Project Fearless was all about.

Pushing you outside of your comfort zone.

Okay, they are way off script.

I'm lost. Is anyone else lost?

Let's take five and regroup. Definitely.

You could at least look the place up.

I did.

It's got archery, horseback riding, and all kinds of stuff I've always wanted to do.

But leaving home?

And my best friend?

That's even scarier than putting my hand under Lewie and Beast's bed.

I know.

But if you don't go, I'll be the one holding you back.

Then your mom will be right.

I can't be your best friend and your worst influence.

I guess I could give it a try.

I'm going to miss you, Harley.

I'm going to miss you, too.

Thanks for giving me a push.

You promise to come visit?

Are you kidding?

If that school is anything like the website, you won't be able to get rid of me.

That one's on the house.

Please, review us online.

This is my film club? Really?

They were all I could find on the pier this late, so get moving.

Hello. Welcome to another night of Film Club.

This crowd looks a little old to go to your school.

They're finishing their degrees. Don't judge, Mom.

For tonight's movie, we're gonna be watching a DVD entitled Boat Maintenance And You.

Funny. I have that in the store.

Oh, you've already seen it? You should probably go.

I hope you enjoy this 12-minute cinema classic.

I thought there was an introduction.

Of course. Rachel.

Movies.

Film.

Cinema.

Movies.

Film. You guys ready to call this?

Yeah, I'm done. Just ground us.

Ellie, I am so proud of you.

You're going off to Radistone, and you're going to do great.

Because if there's one thing we've learned, there's nothing you can't do.

To Ellie. To Ellie!

Whoo!

Sometimes the bad influence is exactly like it sounds.

Bad.

I'm sorry I got us grounded.

Hey, I got to hang with Brittany.

Plus, I've got an in on fresh halibut whenever I want.

And sometimes a bad influence is exactly what you need.

Okay, one last time before you head off to school.

Ellie!

Have fun.

I will. Right?

I know you will.