La cucaracha!
Oh, oh!
La cucaracha, la cucaracha Hey!
Hey!
Ya no puede caminar Porque le falta Porque le falta Hey!
Hey!
Marihuana que fumar Yo estoy harto de que me digan I should have known by the looks on my students' faces that I'd really stepped in it.
My yearly rendition of "La Cucaracha"on Taco Tuesday used to be such a hit.
The truth is, I'm ashamed.
To be a teacher is to offer students a gateway to the future, and I blew it.
How could I have become so out of touch?
William What do you mean, you received complaints?
- Who complained?
- I can't tell you that.
But I can tell you that your teaching skills have been seriously brought into question.
Look, I-I know I'm not a native Spanish speaker.
- Sometimes I get a little tripped up - William.
Will you please remove that enormous sombrero so I can break it down for you.
As you may have heard, our history teacher, Mrs.
Hagberg, has been forced into retirement due to some memory problems.
And that's how Germany won the Second World w*r.
Hagberg was a tenured teacher at this school for over 40 years.
Her departure means there's an open tenured position here at McKinley.
Oh, Principal Figgins Emma and I just got engaged.
We'll be starting a family soon.
I need that tenure.
And I would love to give it to you, William.
But you're only one of several teachers I'm considering for this position.
And to be frank, you have a public relations problem.
If you want the tenure, you've got to turn it around in the class.
O-Okay.
How do I do that?
You're a Spanish teacher.
Maybe you should try learning Spanish.
Señor Martinez?
You can call me David.
David, I am thrilled that Spanish has so many different ways to say "to be," but right now what I need to do is to learn how to say, "Stop using my toilet," to my maid.
I was hoping you could tell me what the word "gordita" means.
I know we're all here for different reasons.
Most of you need your GEDs, some of you want to go to Cabo San Lucas and order like a local.
But did you know that the U.
S.census believe that by 2030 the majority of Americans will use Spanish as their first language?
You're not here learning a language.
You're here 'cause you're smart.
And you're forward thinkers.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying to listen, but you got some beautiful teeth.
Asi que repiten conmigo.
Come on, repeat with me.
Very good.
Thank you so much.
Remember, roll those "R"s.
Exactly.
Hey, I'm Will Schuester.
I teach Spanish here during the day.
Can I buy you a cup of café?
Sure.
There's something kind of fun and rebellious about being here at night.
It's depressing.
- No offense.
- No.
No, um Why don't you get a job teaching regular high school?
Have you seen the news?
Budgets are being cut, there's a hiring freeze You know, could you maybe say that a little slower?
I think your accent's throwing me off.
- Where you from?
- Ohio.
But my parents are from Chile, and we only spoke Spanish in the house, growing up.
Oh.
How-how long have you been, uh, working here?
Just a few months.
This is actually the beginning of my career change.
For the last six years, I was a tooth model.
It's like a hand model, but with your teeth.
Man, your teeth are really white.
Yeah, no coffee, no cigarettes, no beets.
I was the top tooth model in the country.
Colgate, Crest Whitestrips, Sensodyne Whenever they needed a smile for their advertisement, they would call on Dave Martinez.
Wow, that sounds like a great gig.
What why'd you stop?
Well, one day I I realized I was spending so much time flossing, I I was missing my life.
I want to make a difference that lasts longer than a grin, you know?
I-I want to teach kids.
I want to give them something useful.
Something they can they can take with them their whole lives.
I want to help them find their duende.
- You know duende, right?
- Of course.
Duende, yeah.
Now, you also teach Glee Club, right?
- I do.
- You see, that's that's inspiring.
I actually wanted to try forming the night school Glee Club, but meeting after school means 2:00 in the morning.
- Ah, right.
- I love to sing.
I actually learned English watching reruns of Solid Gold.
Wait.
You're serious?
Yeah.
They-they've done studies on it.
The brain takes in information, like a new language, or a math equation, much more quickly and retains it better, when that information is delivered through music.
Well, there's a lot of duende involved, too.
You know what I would do if I was teaching Glee Club?
Latin music.
Think about it.
You get those kids singing in Spanish, and they'll be learning the language without even realizing it.
If I could have some of my Glee kids speaking Spanish by the end of the week, it'd be a hell of an accomplishment.
That's Teacher of the Year stuff.
Twice a day, you boys stain your mother's drapes, or befoul a gym sock that has to jump from the hamper straight into therapy.
Why not head on down to the clinic, and put your virile teen years to good use?
You'll have five bucks more than when you walked in, and the gratitude of lonely ovaries everywhere.
But not you.
You can keep tossing your tissues into the trash.
I was in an accident.
Still.
Same goes for you, Porcelain.
Let the strangeness end with you.
What's going on, Sue?
Well, William, I'm just trying to instill the spirit of giving in your students.
No, honestly, I, uh was a little bit dismayed by the quality of men holding Dixie cups down at the sperm bank this morning.
Zero viable options.
Looked like the cast from Ice Road Truckers.
So I thought it'd be best if I found a sperm donor here.
H-Hold on a second.
You're serious?
Yes, William.
I have decided to have a child.
Um, wow.
I guess I just never saw you as the mothering type.
Well, I resent that, William.
I have a very strong mothering instinct.
I had it with my sister.
I have it with Becky Jackson.
I like to think I play a parenting role in her life.
And like so many women who chose career over family, I've decided to take my life in a different direction while there's still time.
Are you sure that's even possible?
Yes, William, I am sure.
You see, I had my eggs frozen in the late '70s.
They didn't even have that technology in the late '70s.
I know.
I did it myself.
The good people at Kroger have been keeping a box of my championship ova cooling in their meat locker.
And what with the financial security that will be afforded me by the end of the week I am finally ready to start a family.
Now, I don't know if you've heard, William, but there's a tenured position opening up at our school.
- And I'm a shoe-in.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What makes you so sure you're the one who's gonna get tenure?
Seniority, William.
I'm first in line, and also, I'm a proven champion.
And now seeing as how I find bald infants terrifying, I'm going to need a few ounces of your baby gravy to ensure Sue Sylvester Jr. is born with a full head of hair.
Coach?
Principal Figgins wants to see you in his office.
Looks like I got my tenure.
Cheerleading magazines are right here.
Have fun.
Complaints?
Who's complaining about my teaching style?
I can't tell you that, Sue.
A student who shall remain anonymous.
Well, then, who's this?
Sue, this is the talented and enchanting Olympian Roz Washington.
Coach of the McKinley synchronized swimming team.
Roz approached me with some constructive criticism about your lagging Cheerios!
Why should I listen to this woman give me notes about my Cheerios?
Because Cheerios!
didn't win Nationals last year, Sue.
And remember, you're on my short list for the tenured position.
And tenured teachers are team players.
Well, let me tell you why ticket sales are down at sporting events.
This school got cheerleaders doing broke-ass moves from the 1950s.
- Hm.
- Why don't you just admit that you're past your competitive edge, Sue Sylvester, and let this young bronze-medal winner add some crunk to the ba-dunk-a-dunk?
All right, guys!
Let me ask you something.
Where do you think you'll be in the year 2030?
Broadway.
Twinsies!
Walking.
In jail, or dead.
Or both.
Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you're going to need to be able to speak Spanish.
The reality is, by 2030, more people on this planet will be speaking Spanish than any other language.
The world is changing.
Our culture is changing.
And that needs to be reflected in here.
So for our next assignment, we're only doing songs written or performed by someone Latin, or of Latin descent.
Or English songs performed bilingually.
Ooh, I'm bilingual.
, Mr. Shue, though I love that we're finally getting all Lima Sound Machine in here, why now?
Oh, Santana, because it's long overdue.
The truth is, I love all things Latin.
I mean, I love Latin food, Latin art, Latin people You don't know any Latin people.
I know.
Um Guys, this is David Martinez.
David Martinez, this is the Glee Club.
Oh, my God.
- Cutest - smile ever.
Hello, everyone.
It's a pleasure.
David here is one of my many Latin friends.
And, uh, he's interested in starting his own night school Glee Club, after hours.
So, uh, I invited him to come watch us get our duende on.
Duende?
It means "dwarf," you ass.
Now I'm completely confused.
So what's the assignment?
To sing, in Spanish, with duende.
Which, yes, literally means "dwarf," but metaphorically, it means to have Spanish soul.
To be filled with Spanish passion.
Will, can I - Hablar con ellos?
- That's right.
A performance with duende transforms you.
Makes you sing, makes you cry, makes you laugh.
Makes you want to kiss a person you love.
A song sung in Spanish must have duende, or else - Would you mind showing us?
- Oh dear God, please, yes.
Be my guest.
Okay.
Well, I'm-I'm not a professional like you guys, - but I'll give it a go.
- All right.
Now, guys, uh remember, Mr. Martinez is here as our guest, okay?
Let's create a safe and supportive environment.
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro!
Yeah!
Yeah.
Cuando salgo a andar The girls be looking, like, "Ahi esta" Yo se I got it aqui Walking down the street in my new La Freak, yeah This is how I roll Animal print pants, fuera de control And check me out con mi big Afro Y como Bruce Lee, right, got the glow, yo Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body I-I-I work out Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body I-I-I work out Cuando hago mi entrada - Yeah - This is what I see Okay Todo el mundo para pa'mirarme a mi I got passion in my pants And I ain't afraid to show it Show it, show it, show it I'm sexy and I know it Soy sexy y lo sabes Yo, vacilón en el mall Security just can't fight them off Hanging out at the beach, I'm in a G-stro - Trying to tan my cheeks - What?
This is how I roll Vamos, ladies, it's time to go Nos fuimos pa'el bar, baby, go, look suave No shoes, no shirt, como quiera me sirven, what?
Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body I-I-I work out - Cuando hago mi entrada - Yeah - This is what I see - Okay Todo el mundo para pa'mirarme a mi I got passion in my pants And I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it Show it I'm sexy and I know it Hey Check it out Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah, yeah Do the wiggle, man Es el maneo, man Yeah Soy sexy y lo sabes Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body I-I-I work out Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body I-I-I work out I'm sexy and I know it.
Yeah!
Here is the problem.
Sam and I used to date.
Then I moved away, and now I'm bunking at Finn and Kurt's.
And I started dating another guy who I really like.
But then she and I kissed.
And I feel really weird about it.
Just trying to figure out a way to work this out without anyone's feelings getting hurt.
Actually, you're in luck because I just got my new series of pamphlets back from the printer, which uniquely address the modern-day issues of today's 21st century teen.
Yes.
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
"So You're a Two-Timin' Ho"?
"So You're Dating a Two-Timin' Ho.
" Right?
They get your attention, don't they?
I mean, that that really makes you want to read on.
Miss Pillsbury, I don't sleep around.
That's not me.
- Okay.
- I'm just trying to listen to my heart, and it's like I can't hear what it's trying to tell me.
Well, if you really want to listen, then you need to stop talking.
I'm serious.
You know, there's a lot of communication in your lives these days.
With texting and IM'ing and Facebooking, I mean, you don't have any quiet time with yourselves to make informed decisions on on your true feelings.
For instance.
Sam just tweeted that I smell good.
I won't stop till it's trending.
This is my point.
I think that you and Sam should spend a week not speaking to each other.
No e-mails, no texts, nothing.
And I think, at the end of that week, you'll have a much better idea of what your true feelings are.
Shh, shh.
No.
No.
Starting starting now.
Hooray.
Not speaking.
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo Like dang diggy diggy d-dang a-dang dang Diggy dang a-diggy d-dang dang Diggy diggy diggy d-dang a-dang dang Diggy dang a-diggy d-dang dang Dang diggy diggy d-dang a-dang dang Diggy dang a-diggy d-dang dang Dang diggy diggy d-dang Dang diggy diggy d-dang.
All right, ladies.
Go run and find a swimming hole to dunk those behinds in 'cause those donkey booties need to cool off.
Now, I ain't no mind reader, Sue Sylvester, and I came from a very superstitious household where such things are not allowed, but I got a feeling that those Cheerios!
like my modern dance moves a little bit better than them old stale white-bread routines you've been making them do.
You know, Roz, the English language lacks the requisite words to express just how much I dislike you.
And I'm onto you.
Yeah, I've seen All About Eve.
I know what you're planning.
You're waiting for me to take maternity leave, and then you're going to swoop in and try to steal my job.
Hold up.
Hold up.
Hold up.
Wait.
Oh, my God.
Hold up.
Maternity leave?
Are you pulling my leg?
No, I am not.
I am getting pregnant, and then I am having a baby.
With whose vag*na?
Sue, you can't have no baby.
You are old as a hill.
You ain't gonna give birth to no child.
You gonna give birth to a grandchild.
You gonna get in them stirrups, and you gonna push and push, and a full-grown adult gonna pop out with a briefcase and a job talking on a cell phone.
And by the way, I don't need to steal your job, Sue Sylvester.
You know why?
Principal Figgins is gonna give it to me.
He wouldn't.
Oh, he would.
You see, a long time ago, you won some trophies.
And that was real impressive.
I, however, am an Olympian.
I won this bronze damn Olympic medal in Beijing, China.
I had noodles with the president and a threesome with Michael Phelps.
What you need to do is wake up and smell the menopause.
You are done as a coach, and all the hormones in Thailand can't change the fact that you are done as a woman.
What you need to do is start praying that you give birth to a child that likes to eat sand, 'cause that's all that's coming out those old, wrinkly boobs.
I can do this.
I can do anything.
How is the girl with no ass supposed to choose between the juiced-up wolf and the depressed vampire?
She's into both of them.
Oh, come on, Mercedes.
She just knows.
But what if they both make her feel amazing in different ways?
Well, you don't get to choose when it comes to true love.
True love chooses you.
And you better be certain when it comes to marriage because marriage is promise, and it lasts for forever.
Ladies, I appreciate you spending time with me while Blaine recovers, but why are you being so weird and serious?
Our periods don't come until the end of the month.
Can you guys keep a secret?
Rachel, what the hell is that?
It's an engagement ring.
Shut up!
Finn proposed.
- And what did you say?
- I said yes.
Rachel, have you lost your damn mind?
But I love Finn.
I really, really love him.
- But what about NYADA?
- It's still going to happen.
I have dreams for a huge life for myself, okay, some of which include, you know, a little bit of struggle until I can make all of my dreams come true.
They'll be great anecdotes for the Jimmy Kimmel show.
I'll call them my Top Ramen weeks.
But in every single one of my dreams okay, struggling or not there he is.
Finn.
Look, I know that I am going to be with Finn for the rest of my life, just as much as I know that I am going to be a huge star one day.
So you promise not to tell anyone?
Okay, I'm going home right now to yell at Finn, because this is insane.
That is not fair, Kurt.
I mean, what would you do if Blaine proposed to you today?
So will you please keep my secret?
Aren't you scared you're making the wrong choice?
Look, I know that I have the right person.
Scary part was just choosing to know it.
Sometimes it's hard To make things clear Or know when to face the truth And I know That the moment is here So open your eyes And see who I am And not who you want For me to be I am only myself Myself Si voy a perderte ya Que sea por vez final Si voy a perderte ya Si voy a perderte Voy a perderte Ya Yeah No, no vuelvas No, no vuelvas No vuelvas Si voy a perderte Ya Este amor llega asà de esta manera No tiene la culpa Caballo de danza vana Porque muy despreciado Por eso No te perdona de llorar Este amor llega asà de esta manera No tiene la culpa Amor de comprementa Amor del pasado Bembele, bembele, bembele Bem, bembele, bembele Bamboleo, bambolea Porque mi vida, yo la prefiero vivir asi Bamboleo!
Bambolea!
Porque mi vida, yo la prefiero vivir asi Would you dance if I asked you to dance?
Would you run and never look back?
Would you cry if you saw me crying?
And would you save my soul tonight?
I can be your hero, baby La-la-la-la-la I can kiss away the pain La-la-la-la-la I will stand by you forever La-la-la-la-la You can take my breath away You can take my breath away I can be your hero Guys, that was some muy serious footwork!
Muy means "very." I was in it mostly for the boots.
Yeah, what's the deal with those boots?
Because wow.
They're Mexican hipster boots.
It's kind of like a fad for groups of guys that are into dance music, and we're kind of like a dance crew.
Señor Martinez told us about it.
The teeth, the duende, the bizarre Mexican fads.
Señor Martinez is, like, the best Spanish teacher ever.
I can't wait to see your performance, Mr. Shue.
My performance?
Yeah, to defend your Spanish teacher honor.
I'm sure you have something muy amazing planned.
I take it Will told you.
Yes.
Will tells me everything.
It is so inappropriate for you to ask him to father your child.
Have a seat, Lady Bird Hollow Pelvis.
And be careful, those chairs are hard.
I know how fragile your bones are.
Okay, look, I know how it feels to want to start a family.
I want to have a baby, too.
I wouldn't get your hopes up.
I doubt your avian frame could withstand the rigors of childbirth.
Okay, just tell me, why Will?
You hate him.
You've made that very clear.
Well, In case you haven't noticed, Deena, I have a little bit of a mean streak.
I'm cunning, I'm vindictive, I spend a large portion of every day vibrating with a palpable sense of wild, irrational rage.
And I don't ever want my kid to feel that.
And every time I've insulted Will or tried to stop him in his crusade to ruin pop culture by wiping his woolly behind with the American songbook, he's always risen up and met me with kindness.
If goodness and optimism are somehow genetic, that's what I want for my child.
He isn't gonna do it, is he?
I prefer to let him tell you that.
I'm really sorry, Sue.
You know, for what it's worth, I I think you should have a child.
I think it'd be really good for you.
Hey, dude.
You want to lift some?
No, thanks.
I've never really understood the whole process.
Plus, I do The Tracey Anderson Method in the comfort and privacy of my own bedroom.
Hmm.
Why don't you pick up these?
They're from Mrs.
Pillsbury.
- College brochures.
- What do you got?
Fordham, NYU, Adelphi.
That one's in Long Island.
Yeah, there's a train station right next to the campus right into Manhattan.
I think they have a football team.
I think they all have musical theater programs, too.
That's sweet, dude, but you know, college isn't for everyone.
Neither is marriage.
I can't believe she told you.
I can't believe you didn't.
We're supposed to be brothers.
Look, I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with Burt, okay?
I don't want him to know yet.
Hey, you think something you have to keep from everyone you love might not be the best idea in the first place?
Don't get down on me about this, dude.
Rachel's, like, the only good thing I've got going in my life right now.
No, she isn't, Finn.
Look, I get you've had a rough year with finding out who your dad really is and-and losing the scholarship, but you're a star, Finn, just as bright as Rachel.
You just don't believe in yourself.
Yeah, well, the proof's in the pudding, okay?
And my pudding pretty much sucks.
Look, I'm not telling you that you shouldn't marry Rachel.
I love her despite all of her crazy, and I think that you'd be lucky to marry her one day.
But I don't want you just to turn yourself into nothing but the guy who holds her purse on the red carpet.
Look, I'm getting to the point in my life where I kind of need to be honest with myself about who I am.
And who is that?
Not you.
Not Rachel.
That's the point, Finn.
There are plenty of us, trust me.
The one thing that Glee Clubs and theater programs don't have is the hot, straight football player who can sing and sort of dance.
You're unique, Finn.
And I can't see this proposal thing as anything else but you giving up on yourself.
No, no, it's not.
At least I don't I don't think it is.
Your time isn't up, Finn.
It's just beginning.
Hey, Kurt.
Thanks.
Hold it right there, Sandbacks.
You and I need to have a serious chat.
Now I realize when I chose Becky as co-captain for the Cheerios!
it might have rubbed you the wrong way.
Wanky.
And I've often admired the craven heartlessness of your pointless, vindictive back-stabbing.
Kind of takes me back to the old salad days.
But you crossed the Maginot Line when you started messing with Sue Sylvester's family.
What are you talking about?
What family?
You lodged a complaint about my teaching tactics with Principal Figgins, possibly derailing my bid for tenure just when I'm trying to have a baby!
A baby?
With whose vag*na?
Hey, what is going on here?
Coach Sylvester is accusing me of something I didn't do.
Oh, stop with the lies, sweater meat, or you will be hawking nude glossies of yourself behind the Dumpster of Hooters by the weekend.
I know you did this!
Sue, enough!
No one messes with my family.
No one.
Oh, and you can rest your fetid, woolly head, William.
I don't need your baby spunk anymore.
Got myself another donor.
And a much better one.
Who?
I just got my new pamphlets back from the printer.
I am feeling so Stephen King with these things lately.
You know, just so prolific.
That's great, Em, but I really need to translate this song for my big number tomorrow.
It's my last chance to wow the kids with my español.
By the end of the week, I need every single one of those kids begging Figgins to give me that tenure spot.
Conversación.
Of course.
"Conversation" in Spanish is conversación.
Do you realize how important this tenure is for us, if we want to start a family?
It means we will always be able to feed our kids, get them health insurance.
Emma, enough!
Can't you see I'm doing this to take care of you?
Okay, I think I can take care of myself.
You know what, I'm sorry.
I just wanted to show you my new pamphlets.
I'm really proud of them.
They're silly, Emma.
I'm sorry, I love you, but do you really think the kids take them seriously?
Okay, you know what?
I know that the titles are silly; that's the point.
Sometimes you have to be a little provocative if you want to get teenagers' attention.
They're conversación starters.
And you're being really mean.
You got a pamphlet for that?
Emma, I'm sorry.
Emma, wait.
Como puede ser verdad?
Last night I dreamt of San Pedro Just like I'd never gone, I knew the song A young girl with eyes like the desert It all seems like yesterday, not far away Tropical the island breeze All of nature wild and free This is where I long to be La isla bonita And when the samba played The sun would set so high Ring through my ears and sting my eyes Your Spanish lullaby I fell in love with San Pedro Mr.
Shue, what's with the shiny coat?
I thought you were Kurt.
I'm an authentic Spanish matador.
Te dijo te amo I prayed that the days would last, they went so fast Tropical the island breeze All of nature wild and free This is where I long to be La isla bonita And when the samba played The sun would set so high Ring through my ears and sting my eyes Your Spanish lullaby Yo quiero estar donde el sol toca el cielo Cuando es hora de siesta Tu los puedes ver pasar Caras tan bellas Se importan nada Where a girl loves a boy, and a boy Loves a girl Ah, ah, ah, ah Ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh oooh - Your Spanish lullaby - Hey Tropical the island breeze All of nature wild and free This is where I long to be La isla bonita And when the samba played The sun would set so high, ring through my ears And sting my eyes Your Spanish lullaby Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah Bop-bop-bop bop-ba Ooh Oooh, yeah La isla bonita La isla Bonita Bonita, bonita Your Spanish lullaby Ladies and gentlemen, David Martinez.
Santana, fantástico.
David, I'm just a little I don't know confused about your participation here.
And, hey, wasn't that number fantastic and truly authentic?
Thank you very much, everyone.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a stack of night school exams on my desk that won't grade themselves, so buenas noches.
Muchas gracias.
Bye-bye.
Well, Mr. Shue, the floor is all yours.
- I'm excited.
- Yay, Mr. Shue.
Really, I'm excited.
Mr. Shue, you got this!
Ya-ha-ha-ha-hi!
Ow-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
A little less conversation, a little more action, please All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me A little more bite, a little less bark A little less fight, a little more spark Close your mouth and open up your heart And baby, satisfy me Satisfy me, baby Vamos ir a los dos escuchar la musica Y viajar por la brisa de verano Que buenisima la noche ya te enseñe como salga Andale, muchacha, ven, relájate Menos conversación y mas accion, por favor Este agravamiento no me satisface a mi A ltle more bite, a little less bark A little less fight, a little more spark No hablas mas y abre tu corazon y satisfaceme Satisfaceme, bebe Come on, baby, I'm tired of talking Grab your coat and let's start walking A little less conversation, a little more action, please All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me A little more bite, a little less bark A little less fight, a little more spark Shut your mouth and open up your heart And, baby, satisfy me Satisfy me, baby Menos conversación y mas accion, por favor Hey!
Muchas gracias.
It was you.
You're the one who complained to Principal Figgins about me.
Yeah, and I'd do it all over again after that performance.
You're messing with adult things here, Santana.
This is my job.
This is my life.
And this is my education, and it's not a joke to me, although it seems to be one to you.
What are you talking about?
They all loved my performance.
Because they don't know any better.
It's your fault.
You're their teacher.
You went from "La Cucaracha" to a bullfighting mariachi.
Why don't you just dress up as the Taco Bell Chihuahua and bark the theme song to Dora the Explorer?
< You don't even know enough to be embarrassed about these stereotypes that you're perpetuating.
That's not fair.
Isn't it?
What did you want to be when you grew up?
Why did you become a Spanish teacher, Mr.
Shue?
Because it was the only teaching position open at the time.
I want to remind you of something that an amazing teacher once taught me: without passion, you can't succeed.
Who taught you that?
You did.
And you do.
When you teach Glee.
I'm telling you, there's no word but "genius.
" I wouldn't call it that.
What's genius?
My plan for Regionals?
No.
Your lil'punkin's pamphlets.
"Taint Misbehavin'.
" Mm-hmm.
It's all about the importance of thoroughly washing your jockstrap.
Hey, bub, MRSA bacteria infection is no laughing matter.
No matter how much I talked to my guys about the steamy lurking dangers, nobody cared Until Emma found a way to get through to them.
Come on, guys!
Why, just last week, three Fort Wayne gymnasts had to have their junk amputated!
I stopped washing down there 'cause it seemed kind of gay.
I thought that's what the hair catching the dirt.
Huh.
Lift and scrub.
Who knew it was so easy?
And now their kibbles and bits are as clean as a little angel's tear.
And when I showed that to my Cooter, not only did he order he got every team in the Big Ten to order copies, too.
- Wow, that's - It's genius!
I have never met a teacher whose passion literally saves lives.
Aren't you proud of her, Will?
Yes.
Absolutely.
Genius!
You!
Stop.
And the award for Best Conjugator goes to Señora Stephanie.
Thank you, Señor Martinez.
And thanks to you, Claudia knows now to go before she comes to work.
Now finally, Most Improved: Will Schuester.
- Wow.
- Come on, man!
Thanks.
Wow, I Oh.
Fue un año maravilloso.
It was a beautiful year, everyone.
Gracias.
Hey, de nada.
Gracias.
Your teeth are like fresh-driven snow white.
Like Larry Bird white.
Most Improved.
I don't think that's the award a Spanish teacher wants to get in Spanish class.
Will, man, you work hard, you take care of your kids.
They're very lucky to have you, man.
They deserve better.
They deserve you.
Oh, so when do I start?
How about Monday?
I spoke to Figgins.
I had all the kids go in and talk to him, as well.
They all want to take Spanish if you're the teacher.
What, he's offering me a job?
Teaching?
During the day?
I hope you're not a vampire.
Oh, man.
Okay.
Oh, man, you don you don't understand.
My-My parents, my parents were immigrants.
And they had to lie about their citizenship to go to high school.
And now I'm teaching it.
It's the American Dream, right?
Yeah.
But what about you?
Oh, there's-there's an opening in the History department.
I've always loved history.
Well, the History Channel, at least.
- Right.
- Maybe I'll find my duende there.
No, I've seen you, I've seen you teach Glee Club, man.
You have duende coming out of your orejas.
- Ears.
- Ears, right.
I got you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
So, wait a minute, who ended up getting the tenure position?
Thank you, Becky.
My online pharmacist has recommended these fertility injections every day, twice a day, until Little Susie or Little Sylvester catches.
You down with that?
No problem, Coach.
What's wrong?
Coach, I have a confession to make.
Take a seat.
Now, if this is about the complaint you lodged against me with Principal Figgins, I already know.
You do, Coach?
Oh, Becky, I've known ever since I tinker-tailor-soldier-spied my way into Figgins's file cabinet and read the evaluation cards.
And when I saw one written in crayon, I knew it was either you or Brittany, and you're the better speller.
Coach, I'm sorry.
I was just looking out for the team.
Did you mean what you wrote?
That you're worried I'm not as focused on the Cheerios!
as I used to be?
Well, then you don't need be sorry.
And thank you for the feedback.
You're not mad?
No, Becky.
But impending motherhood doth given me perspective.
Oh, Becky, I'm reminded winning, my girls, destroying my enemies.
Motherhood's not gonna change that.
If anything, it makes me want them far more.
You're an excellent co-captain, Becky.
You're like me.
Not afraid to make the tough calls.
Coach?
You're gonna be a great mom.
There you are, baby.
You ready?
For lunch.
We're going off-campus, right?
Hey, Sam.
What's all this?
"So You Were A Jerk To Your Fiance.
" Not particularly clever, but I appreciate your pith.
"Congratulations I Love You.
" These are wonderful.
They're wonderful.
A little myopic maybe, but a great first effort.
I'm so proud of you.
So do I call you Professor or Madam or what?
I'm not sure of the protocol here.
No, no, no, it's just tenure.
You can call me Emma.
Or sweetheart or cutie pie or doll-face.
- Or Professor Doll-Face.
- Ooh.
I like Professor Doll-Face.
My first marriage didn't work out because my wife didn't believe in me.
And then I go and pull the same crap on you.
All I know is that right now, in this moment, I just want it to stop.
I want to sit here, eat some chicken and look back on everything you've done to get to this moment and everything I'm going to do from this moment on to make sure you feel as special and amazing as I know you are.