So here's what you missed on Glee.
The Glee club is officially over because the New Directions didn't win at Nationals.
And since Sue's principal and only wants winning teams at McKinley, she made good on her promise to cancel it.
Hold up.
Which means if Will wants to coach a Glee club, he has to find a new job and he's got a baby on the way!
- Oh, God, that's awful.
- Blaine got into NYADA, Artie's at film school in Brooklyn, and Sam's not going to college, but he's in New York to try his luck at modeling.
So I'm going to skip college, too, and become a male model.
Impossible.
You're too fat.
And Santana and Brittany are off on an extended vacation on The Isle of Lesbos, and Rachel's six months into her dream of playing Fanny Brice in Funny Girl that's about to open on Broadway real soon.
It's exciting!
And that's what you missed on Glee.
SIDNEY: Rachel, Rachel, please, just a minute.
I'm-I'm sorry, Sidney, I'm actually kind of late.
I have to go and meet my friends.
Oh, that's not gonna be a problem.
Look, I know this has been a couple of very long months for you, but you've been a trooper.
I mean, you know, having to do the show on the road, Santana quitting, us having to re-stage the entire play.
- I just wanted to say thank you.
- Thank you so much, Sidney.
No, no, no.
This is how I say thank you.
24/7, on call.
Is this for me?
Mm-hmm.
No more crowded subways in New York for my star.
So...
Thank you.
Now, the only question is: where would Ms.
Berry like to go?
(squeaks)
Ah.
Go ahead.
(Petula Clark's "Downtown" begins)
♪ When you're alone and life is making you lonely ♪
♪ You can always go ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ When you've got worries ♪
♪ All the noise and the hurry ♪
♪ Seems to help, I know ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city ♪
♪ Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty ♪
♪ How can you lose? ♪
♪ The lights are much brighter there ♪
♪ You can forget all your troubles ♪
♪ Forget all your cares so go ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ Things will be great when you're ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ Everything's waiting for you ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ Don't hang around and let your problems surround you ♪
♪ There are movie shows ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ Maybe you know some little places to go to ♪
♪ Where they never close ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ Just listen to the rhythm of a gentle bossa nova ♪
♪ You'll be dancing with 'em, too, before the night is over ♪
♪ Happy again ♪
♪ The lights are much brighter there ♪
♪ You can forget all your troubles ♪
♪ Forget all your cares so go ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ Where all the lights are bright ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ You're gonna be all right ♪
♪ Now ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ Downtown... ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ And you may find somebody kind ♪
♪ To help and understand you ♪
♪ Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to ♪
♪ Guide them along ♪
♪ So maybe I'll see you there ♪
♪ We can forget all our troubles ♪
♪ Forget all our cares so go ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ Things'll be great when you're ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ Don't wait a minute more ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ Everything's waiting for you ♪
♪ Downtown ♪
♪ Downtown... ♪
(giggling)
(sighs)
I can call him any time of day, he's amazing.
He doesn't even say a word.
It's like living in a high-end coffee commercial every day.
- Unbelievable.
- So, where we going for lunch?
Someplace cheap or free?
No, it is my treat and my ride.
You guys have been so great and so emotionally supportive of me during the entire out of town Funny Girl run.
And for your move back to the loft, which you never carried your own clothes or furniture.
It's heavy.
Come on, we're going.
We're gonna go the Odeon.
Okay, like, I've been really good lately.
- Oh, you have.
- Everyone from Broadway goes.
And it's so cool!
I don't know, probably just like...
rather than getting a side salad.
Can we pop the trunk?
- Trunk is full.
- Can I sit in the front then?
Full, too.
Well...
Oh, it's okay.
Sam and I can just meet you there.
Right, Sam?
Are you sure?
I guess.
Thank you.
We'll order an appetizer.
(car engine starts)
What?
No, I ca...
I can't serve you breakfast in bed if you're not in bed.
It's been months.
You don't have to keep doing...
Oh, that does smell good.
Lemon blueberry pancakes.
And the Sunday Chronicle.
Wha...?
It's not even Sunday!
They put the Arts and Leisure section and Style section on Wednesday.
You know me so well.
Is there anything I can do to help?
You can check if the coffee is steeped enough to press.
I still can't believe it.
We're really doing it.
Living together.
Building a future together.
In Bushwick.
Did you ever imagine that?
It's actually way, way better.
Every morning I get to wake up next to you.
I get to walk you to the subway.
Then walk you to class.
And most days I get to have lunch with you.
And even after all of that amazingness, I get to come home to you.
And I get to curl up in bed with you, get under the covers...
Meanwhile the Shahs of Sunset are playing in the background.
Mm.
Wait, are we turning each other into an old married couple?
On the contrary.
♪ You make me feel so young ♪
♪ You make me feel like spring has sprung ♪
♪ Every time I see you grin ♪
♪ I'm such a happy individual ♪
♪ The moment that you speak ♪
♪ I want to run and play hide-and-seek ♪
♪ I want to go and bounce the moon ♪
♪ Just like a toy balloon ♪
♪ You and I ♪
♪ We're just like a couple of tots ♪
♪ Running around a meadow ♪
♪ Picking up ♪
♪ All those forget-me-nots ♪
♪ You make me feel so young ♪
♪ You make me feel there are songs to be sung ♪
♪ Bells to be rung, and a wonderful fling to be flung ♪
♪ And even when I'm old and gray ♪
♪ When I'm old and gray ♪
♪ I'm gonna feel the way I do ♪
♪ Today ♪
♪ Because you make me ♪
♪ Feel so young ♪
♪ You ♪
♪ Make me young ♪
♪ You make me young ♪
♪ You make me feel there are ♪
♪ Songs to be sung ♪
♪ Lots of bells to be rung ♪
♪ And a wonderful fling to be flung ♪
♪ And even when I'm old and gray ♪
♪ I'm gonna feel the way I do ♪
♪ Today ♪
♪ Because you ♪
♪ Make me feel so ♪
♪ Man, I just feel so ♪
♪ You make me feel so ♪
♪ Young ♪
♪ So young... ♪
Dudes!
I just made it all the way to the original Nathan's at Coney Island, now I kind of stink, so I'm gonna shower.
Ooh, ice cream.
Good job.
(door opens)
Okay, I know Sam is your bestie, but he said he'd only be couch-surfing - with us for a few weeks.
- I know.
It's been months, okay?
This apartment has too many people in it.
You've got to talk to him.
I...
ARTIE: New York, new Artie.
It was scary at first.
No space, no ramp van, not cut-outs in the curbs.
(screams)
Hey, I'm rolling here!
Watch where you're going!
The city's alive, always moving, and I didn't know if I'd be able to keep up.
But then I realized I'm in a city where everybody walks, which actually puts me at an advantage.
And as bonus, my biceps aren't looking so bad, thank you very much.
All of the cabdrivers in New York are required to take wheelchairs, and all the busses have lifts, but real New Yorkers take the subway.
There's romanticism about the city beneath the city.
There's music, there's people, there's life.
And at the end of the day, that's what I came here for.
Hey-hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
I know, man.
I'm sorry.
My laptop's in there!
Hey!
It's the only copy of my script!
(video game buzzing and beeping)
Bro, just completed Aqua Park and Millennium Mines.
Now I'm ruling Karts and Coasters.
RollerCoaster Tycoon.
It-it's amazing.
Sam, you've been sitting there since I left this morning.
You-you've basically been in that exact same spot for months.
Yeah, well, Kurt's fancy wire chairs hurt my back, so this thing's the only thing that's comfortable.
Look...
Uh, Kurt and I were talking.
- And, um, we just...
- You want me to move out.
I knew it.
You know what?
Santana got to stay here forever.
We don't want you to move, per se, although it isn't the worst idea I've ever heard.
We're just, we're worried about you, man.
We know that work has been slow.
Try nonexistent, okay?
I've had zero modeling auditions.
Zero.
I can't even get my agent on the phone.
I just get her lazy assistant Pam who's like well, maybe I should cut my hair because I look like a dirty hippie.
Well, maybe you should.
But I like it.
Okay, besides Mr.
Shue said that we shouldn't care what people think.
We should just be ourselves.
What a load of crap, huh?
Well, Mr. Shue also said...
we should face our fears.
Remember that one?
So...
Buddy, I know this is frustrating...
Maybe I just shouldn't even be here, okay?
I hate New York, okay?
It's crowded, it's loud, it smells like garbage and everybody here is basically paid to be rude to you.
Sometimes, it's just easier if you stay inside.
All right.
Get up.
Get up.
I-I don't want to watch you waste away in here when there is so much to do out there.
Put on a clean shirt.
That's got, like, five kinds of stains on it.
Come on, follow me.
We're going outside.
- Come on!
- (sighs)
(American Authors' "Best Day of My Life" begins)
♪ I had a dream so big and loud ♪
♪ I jumped so high I touched the clouds ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I stretched my hands out to the sky ♪
♪ We danced with monsters through the night ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I'm never gonna look back ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ I'm never gonna give it up ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ Just don't wake me now ♪
♪ Ooh, oh-oh-oh-oh, ooh ♪
♪ This is gonna be the best day of my life ♪
♪ My li-i-i-i-ife ♪
♪ Ooh, oh-oh-oh-oh, ooh ♪
♪ This is gonna be the best day of my life ♪
♪ My li-i-i-i-ife ♪
♪ I hear it calling ♪
♪ Outside my window ♪
♪ I feel it in my soul ♪
♪ Soul ♪
♪ The stars were burning so bright ♪
♪ The sun was out till midnight ♪
♪ I say we lose control ♪
♪ Control ♪
♪ Ooh, oh-oh-oh-oh, ooh ♪
♪ This is gonna be the best day of my life ♪
♪ My li-i-i-i-ife ♪
♪ Ooh, oh-oh-oh-oh, ooh ♪
♪ This is gonna be the best day of my life ♪
♪ My li-i-i-i-ife ♪
♪ This is gonna be, this is gonna be ♪
♪ This is gonna be ♪
♪ It's gonna be the best day of my life ♪
♪ Everything is looking up, everybody up now ♪
♪ Ooh, oh-oh-oh-oh, ooh ♪
♪ This is gonna be the best day of my life ♪
♪ My li-i-i-i-ife. ♪
(cheering)
Hey, if you can sing in the middle of Times Square, you can pretty much do anything.
I think it's time for you to conquer this city.
I don't know why they call it Times Square.
I don't see any clocks.
♪ ♪
(French accent): Every art has its instrument.
The violinist has his violin.
The sculptor...
has his stone.
And the mime...
has his body.
Let us begin our work today with the mime's most heartbreaking expression of his accursed, silent ennui: the pulling of the invisible rope attached to something heavy.
♪ ♪
Psst.
Psst.
What are you doing here?
This is a winter master class taught by Marcel Marceau's illegitimate son Alain.
You're-you're a freshman.
I got special permission from Madame Tibideaux.
Turns out I'm in six out of eight of your classes.
How is that even possible?
Stop talking!
And now we will move on to the mime's most tragic expression of the pointlessness of man's existence.
We are walking down the street, without a worry, a care in the world, and suddenly we begin to notice that we are walking in place but we are not going anywhere.
Have you asked Sam to move out yet?
We haven't had a moment to ourselves.
And now, we will stop to pick a flower.
And in front of your eyes, the flower dies.
(whispering): Hey.
Are you sure it's not me who's crowding you?
No, why would you say that?
Good.
I was really worried I was suffocating you.
So maybe after this, we can get lunch?
'Cause then we have Theatre History class together and Auditioning for the Camera class together...
And now, you are trapped with the person next to you in a box.
At first, the box seems big enough for the two of you.
But then, the box begins to shrink.
The box where you live because that is all a mime can afford.
Getting smaller and smaller...
and smaller...
and smaller...
and smaller.
(bell jingles)
SAM: It's that time.
Time for change.
Reinvention.
Rebirth.
That's what NYC is all about.
Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic, but don't kid yourself: getting a haircut is a big deal.
Normally, I wouldn't take style advice from helmet-haired, bow-tie-loving Blaine, but he really helped me see the light.
Or, in this case, the scissors.
Yeah, I'll miss rocking the bronytail, but you know, I need to jumpstart this modeling operation, shake things up.
Time for new headshots, new portfolio, new attitude.
Because if there's one thing I've learned, you can't just sit around waiting for the good things in life to come to you.
You need to kick down some doors and make them happen.
This is Sam Evans like we've never seen before.
Here I come, New York City.
I'm so close to owning this town I can practically taste it.
Yeah, that computer cost over 1,000 bucks.
My-my credit card was in there, my phone...
Tell him that he was on crutches.
And...
Yeah.
Thanks so much for your help.
That's it?
Any leads?
(hissing)
Blaine, do you have to use the SodaStream machine right now?
Artie's in a very fragile state.
(soda hisses)
I'm sorry about him.
He just needs his bubbles.
Hey, guys.
BLAINE: Hey, Rachel.
Do you want a homemade sparkling, sugar-free soda?
RACHEL: Oh, no thanks.
The carbonation's bad for my vocal cords.
But (clears throat)
you know what I will take?
Just some, like, hot water with, like, a little lemon...
Thank you so much.
Rachel, you missed it.
Artie was mugged in the subway, and now it's like an episode of SVU over here.
- What?
- ARTIE: Except for not at all.
- I wasn't touched, I was robbed.
- Oh, my God.
- Are you okay?
- No.
Not really.
I don't know what I'm gonna do about replacing that computer, I need a new school ID, and to be honest, I don't if I'm gonna feel safe going in the subway anymore.
I just felt so vulnerable and I don't...
I don't know... alone.
(hissing)
Blaine, I'm gonna throw that machine out the window.
I am so sorry, but I know exactly how you feel, okay?
When I first moved to New York, I gave this homeless person ten dollars when I just meant to give him one, and then when I asked for it back, everyone hissed and they booed at me, and I felt so violated and vulnerable.
Oh, wait.
So you were out nine dollars?
But look, the next day I just got right back on that subway, because overcoming experiences like that is what makes you a real New Yorker.
BLAINE: Your beverage, milady.
Oh, are those Meyer lemons?
No, I can't have that.
ARTIE: You know what, Rachel?
Don't lecture me about being a real New Yorker with your lemon water and your chauffeured limousine.
You're not even a real person anymore.
Now, if you'll just excuse me, I have to go figure out how to put my life back together.
It's a town car, not a limousine.
(hissing)
It's a town car.
Okay?
A town car.
So I found this song by A Great Big World that would be perfect for our band.
It's got a nice pop feel to it without being totally saccharine...
and you're not listening to a word I'm saying.
I'm sorry.
I-I didn't get any sleep last night.
Ooh, lucky you.
It's not like that.
(laughs)
Blaine bought a couch off the back of a truck, because apparently the furniture I carefully chose from Chelsea's finest flea markets isn't that comfortable.
It was a mid-century knockoff, so I gave him an "A" for effort, but as soon as I lifted up one of the cushions, I saw that the entire couch was riddled with...
(screaming)
Bedbugs!
So we spent the entire night disinfecting everything, taking Silkwood showers, and disinfecting everything again.
(shudders)
And I know what I'm about to say sounds like a bad Bravo show, but I'm starting to think that that couch was an omen of our relationship.
Seemingly fine from the outside, but headed for certain disaster.
- Hmm.
- Does that sound crazy?
Absolutely.
Well, it's not just the couch.
I'm starting to feel claustrophobic.
I mean, I wake up next to Blaine, I-I go to school with Blaine, I come home to Blaine.
(laughs)
I feel like I'm starting to lose my identity.
(sighs)
Okay, well, stop me if you don't want my opinion.
Okay, when I first heard you were engaged, I thought, "Hmm-mm.
Big mistake.
Too young." But you know what?
Seeing you guys together, I think that what you have is real and worth fighting for and I'm super jealous.
Still, though, everyone needs time alone.
It's healthy.
So just set some boundaries.
But don't forget to rehearse with your band.
♪ There's a girl in the backyard ♪
♪ Banging on her drum ♪
♪ Sitting in a junk pile ♪
♪ Laughing at the sun, singing ♪
♪ Ah, ah, ah, I just want to be a rock star ♪
♪ There's a boy thinking of her ♪
♪ Playing his guitar ♪
♪ Searching for the answer ♪
♪ Buried in his heart ♪
♪ Singing ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Is there anybody out there? ♪
♪ Ooh, yeah ♪
♪ Singing ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Is there anybody out there? ♪
♪ If there's a meaning, can you show me a sign? ♪
♪ The more I look it just gets harder to find ♪
♪ The world is spinning and I want to know why ♪
♪ And maybe we will never figure it out ♪
♪ I got a feeling that's what life's all about ♪
♪ I'm learning anything is possible now ♪
(cheering)
♪ Ooh, ooh ooh ♪
♪ Take a ticket and get off the line ♪
♪ Let's take a ticket and get off the line ♪
♪ Singing ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Ticket and get off the line ♪
♪ I was born to be a rock star ♪
♪ Ticket and get off the line ♪
♪ Singing ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Ticket and get off the line ♪
♪ I just want to be a rock star ♪
♪ Ticket and get off the line ♪
♪ I was born to be a rock star ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I was born to be a rock star ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
(whooping, applauding)
♪ Ooh, yeah ♪
♪ I was born to be a rock star. ♪
(cheering, whistling)
Miss Berry, no worries about the garment bags in the back.
I make sure they lie flat.
Okay, great.
Thank you.
Look at me.
I'm sealed up in this mini Popemobile, glassed off from the masses.
I feel nothing in here.
The only air I breathe smells like pine tree air freshener and Mennen Speed Stick.
The only danger and risk in here is a paper cut on the trades in my seatback pocket.
Artie's right, I am isolated.
Rapunzeled away and barely out of my teens.
Fanny Brice's father was a bartender down here on the Bowery, and I still haven't schlepped to an opening at the New Museum.
Dmitri, where are we right now?
Uh, we're now crossing into Chinatown.
What am I doing?
Who am I turning into?
I'm losing my authenticity.
How am I gonna be one of the great Broadway actors, which was my lifelong dream, if I don't have any real-life experiences to pull from?
Stop the car!
Um, sorry, I'm actually just gonna get out right here.
I'm gonna get a cup of really strong black tea and then maybe stop at that herbalist and get some stuff that the kids in Ohio have never tasted before.
♪ ♪ (car horn honks)
BLAINE: What better way to say "Sorry for bringing bedbugs into the house", than by pre-planning the design of a much-needed loft workspace.
I can't stand seeing such a prime piece of the floor plan go to waste.
As much as Kurt is feeling anxiety about being crowded, I'm still feeling as if I'm living in someone else's home.
If I'm gonna be here for a while, then just like Pippin, I'm gonna find my very own corner of the sky.
Kurt's done a marvelous job creating an atmosphere of the quintessential New York living experience, but let's be honest, it's not entirely functional.
Kurt's gonna love this.
Okay, is that one of those outlines that the police use?
Did somebody die in here?
Sam, this in no way resembles the shape of a person.
So...?
So, no, no one d*ed in here.
What did you do to your hair?!
Oh, well, thanks to you, I-I-I got it cut.
And then bursting with my newfound New York City confidence, I went out and I booked my first modeling job!
- What?!
- Yeah!
- That's amazing!
- I know!
Congratulations, man!
What's it for?
Bubble!
Okay.
Booty-contouring underwear for men.
Thanks to Bubble, men can now have that sexy, round, onion booty that they've always dreamed of.
I didn't even know there was a market for that, but that is great.
And I got you a free pair!
Oh, thank you.
I, um, can't wait to show Kurt.
The good news keeps coming, my brother.
I...
am moving out.
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa.
You're-you're moving?
- Where you going to?
- Well, the agency's putting me up in an apartment with a bunch of other models.
I'm stoked.
My own place, sort of, and you know, I'm not gonna be taking up any more room on the couch.
Well, you're gonna visit us, right?
Um, yeah, if I have time, you know.
But I-I-I might be traveling to Paris and Milan every week.
Who knows?
I'm gonna pack everything up.
Yeah.
Hey!
Oh, did you hear Sam just got a job?
What are you doing?
Uh, this is, uh, something I thought would make a really great office area.
Back away from the lamp, okay?!
When someone enters their sanctuary, they don't want their eyes immediately drawn to a hideous workspace!
I'm not done yet.
This isn't McKinley.
You can't just barge in here and do whatever you want, whenever you want, all right?
You could've at least consulted me before making design decisions in my home!
I thought that this was supposed to be our home, Kurt.
And believe it or not, not every single design decision you make is brilliant.
This whole privacy- curtains-between-the-bedrooms thing is stupid.
Come on.
We can hear every single noise our roomies make at night, and God knows what they hear from us.
You know what?
Elliott was right, we're losing our boundaries.
I'm sorry, Elliott?
What-What does Elliot have to do with any of this?
We were talking.
I bet you were talking.
He's my friend.
I bet he's your friend.
Calm down, psycho, all right?
And stop being so pouty and weird.
It's annoying.
All right, let's just be adults and put everything back where it's supposed to go.
Okay, I got an idea.
Why don't you put it back where it's supposed to go because it's your apartment!
Fine!
I will!
Hey, move it, kid!
- (knocking)
- Who is it?
It's Blaine.
Hey, I...
Are you okay?
Oh...
(chuckles)
Oh, God, you're not trying to move in here, are you?
No, I'm not.
We need to talk.
I don't have your number and I don't have your e-mail and we're not friend on Facebook because I made it a point of waiting for you to friend me, which you never did, by the way.
So here I am face-to-face.
I just want to hear you admit it.
Admit what?
That you're trying to steal Kurt away from me, Starchild Gilbert!
What?!
What are you talking about?
Please, I was on to you the second I saw that weird cinnamon roll selfie you took months ago.
You guys posted that.
Remember that?
I get to New York and all of a sudden it's "Elliott thinks this" and "Elliott thinks that" and "Elliott's hair is so full and thick that he doesn't have to rely on hair gel." Well, I may not be a cool steampunk, glitter-rock vampire with, like, tats and guyliner, but you know what?
I love Kurt.
I love him!
He's my fiancé, not yours, so back off!
Okay, are..
are you done?
Take this.
- What?
- Yeah, it's, uh, it's like a body pillow.
It think it's gonna calm you down.
Take a seat.
Look, Blaine, I'm not after Kurt.
We're just friends.
Don't get me wrong, I mean, he's a, he's a cute guy, but I don't think of him that way.
And even if I did, Kurt loves you.
I mean, he-he doesn't shut up about you, actually.
Like, ever.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what's going on with me.
It's just, we've been apart for so long, and now that I'm finally here, I just want to catch up to him, I just want to make it real.
And the more I try...
The more it pushes him away?
Well, maybe you should stop trying.
I mean, look, New York is a really crowded place, and people need a little more room to breathe here than usual.
You're right.
I guess I always think of boundaries as walls instead of places to grow in.
I'm so sorry.
I-I should go.
Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.
You just got here.
You want to just hang out for a minute?
Um...
I mean, you've obviously come to jam.
Um...
you gave me this.
"Glitter-rock vampire," huh?
I didn't mean that.
I'm sorry.
I like that.
I-I...
I can work with that.
- Okay, okay, all right.
- Come on.
Give me some blues.
Give me some Southern...
Come on.
Uh...
um...
gli...
♪ Glitter-rock vampire ♪
♪ Gonna bite ya ♪
♪ Gonna bite ya ♪
♪ Gonna bite ya. ♪ Hey.
I got your text.
Why did her Royal Highness summon a commoner like me?
Okay, that was a little rude, but I know I had it coming.
Look, I had an epiphany, and you were right, okay?
About everything.
I don't want to be sheltered from the world, I want to live in it.
So let's go.
I have rehearsal and you have class.
Let's take the subway.
- No, I can't.
- No, together.
Look, I know that you're a little shaken up about what happened, but trust me, but I took Krav Maga as a child at the JCC, and I can protect you.
(sighs)
So what about the limo?
Town car.
And I gave it up.
I told my producers I'd be in a much better place if I rode the subway with my friend every day.
- Every day?
- Well, if you'll have me.
Look, I will make you a deal.
I'll ride the subway with you and make sure that you don't get mugged again if you give me a tongue- lashing if I lose my way.
I can do that.
I'm really happy that you're in New York.
The city is a much less scarier place with a friend.
And I'm really happy you dragged me back down here, because...
I really do love it.
(Petula Clark's "Don't Sleep in the Subway" begins)
♪ You wander around ♪
♪ On your own little cloud ♪
♪ When you don't see the why ♪
♪ Or the wherefore ♪
♪ Ooh, you walk out on me ♪
♪ When we both disagree ♪
♪ 'Cause to reason is ♪
♪ Not what you care for ♪
♪ Good-bye means nothing ♪
♪ When it's all for show ♪
♪ So why pretend ♪
♪ You've somewhere else to go ♪
♪ Don't sleep in the subway, darlin' ♪
♪ Don't stand in the pouring rain ♪
♪ Don't sleep in the subway, darlin' ♪
♪ The night is long ♪
♪ Forget your foolish pride, nothing's wrong ♪
♪ Now you're beside me again ♪
(People cheering, whooping)
♪ Oh ♪ ♪ Don't sleep in the subway ♪
♪ Darlin' ♪
♪ Don't stand in the pouring rain ♪
♪ Don't sleep in the subway, darlin' ♪
♪ The night is long ♪
♪ Forget your foolish pride, nothing's wrong ♪
♪ And you're beside me again. ♪ I think there's like a dozen models living in here, but people take off for weeks at a time on photo sh**t, so it never gets too crowded.
The rooms are kind of small.
Oh, that's okay; I've been homeless.
That's cool, man.
I envy your realness.
Listen, I got to do this paid webcam thing in my room, but if you have any other questions, just ask your roommate Sam.
Wait, my roommate's name is Sam?
Okay, this couldn't get any cooler.
- I'm sorry.
- Hi.
I'm Sam.
What?
- Hey.
- Hi.
So you went to see Elliot.
I did.
He's a good guy.
He's a good friend to you.
He's one of the only real friends I've made since I came here.
He texted me as soon as you left his apartment.
Six hours ago.
So I guess I've just been wondering where you've been.
Well, I, um...
I actually took a water taxi to the Statue of Liberty.
Just needed some space so I could think.
I went to the High Line to do the same.
Well, then can I go first?
I think I should move out.
I'm not sure that's what I want.
Me neither, but I think...
we need to take a step back for a second together and...
just look at the situation honestly.
It's not working out.
After graduation, I just...
moved in and we didn't have a conversation about it.
We never weighed the pros and cons.
We never really discussed if this was the absolute best thing for our relationship.
We just wanted to be us.
Together.
And-and we are together.
We are so together, but I just think that maybe...
living together in less than ideal circumstances...
Maybe we don't need that pressure right now.
I mean, it's such a scary decision to make.
I-I just, I feel like I-I...
I know, I know.
It is scary, but I think it's a little less scary if...
we make the decision together.
We can't go backwards.
We're not going backwards.
I think we're...
being smart.
By protecting something that is very precious to me.
You know that, right?
Of course I know that.
Of course.
Always.
I know.
And no matter who we become, even if we do need alone time...
which is completely valid...
we'll always belong to each other.
(sighs)
And even though this-this wasn't a fight, this was just, you know, a grown-up, adult conversation...
you know, we are now going to have the hottest makeup sex ever.
Okay.
(in high-pitched voice): It never hurts to sing when you're going on a casting.
You do the best impressions!
That's so Kathy Ireland.
Huh.
Okay, now do Gisele.
No, I should probably, uh...
I should probably get some sleep.
I-I got a big follow-up photo sh**t with, uh, Bubble tomorrow.
The wonderbutt undies?
Oh, my God, Sam!
Congratulations.
That's great.
- Thanks.
- Okay, well, look, use these.
I swear by it.
It keeps your body from retaining any water.
I have Adderall if you want.
Oh, if you have trouble sleeping, Marla has Ambien.
I prefer Lunesta.
My schedule's been so cray lately.
But don't take whatever Gavin has.
He says it's clenbuterol, but I swear it's like pig tranquilizers.
Sorry.
I got to go.
(clears his throat)
You don't have anything for anxiety, do you?
I don't, uh...
don't think I can stay here.
I hate everything.
(door opens)
Sam?
(door closes)
(laughter)
RACHEL: Oh, my God, you guys are not gonna believe what happened to me and Artie today.
- Sam?
- ARTIE: Sam, come here.
Listen to this.
I know this is going to sound like one of those crazy New York stories, and I wouldn't believe it myself if it hadn't just happened, but I swear...
- Just tell us.
- Okay, right.
So, Rachel and I were riding the L-Train.
Take a little nap right now.
- Oh, my God, it's him.
- Who?
The guy who mugged me.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Shut up.
Okay, so then, we see this guy, and he's, like, inching towards this super sweet, elegant, elderly-looking lady, who'd obviously, like, had a little bit of work done, but it was very tasteful.
Just, like, right around her eyes.
And this guy was eyeing her gorgeous Hermès Birkin bag.
And then...
- It's pepper spray.
- Let me do it.
Go!
Be careful.
I cut him off and sprayed him right in the eye.
God, I felt so vindicated.
RACHEL: It was amazing.
And when we got off the subway, we found out that this guy got arrested, and it turns out that he's, like, a mugger, slash, hoarder, so all this stuff was just at his apartment.
Yeah, and the cops found my laptop!
- It's amazing.
- Great.
You're like a real life Professor X.
Yeah.
It's so great.
That was pretty amazing.
BLAINE: Well, Kurt and I have had a bit of a big day ourselves, actually.
Well, it wasn't as dramatic as that.
Well, it-it was...
it was pretty dramatic.
Um, we decided that I'm going to move out.
- Shut up!
- Really?
Don't worry.
We're not breaking up.
Oh, no, no, no, far from it.
We actually think this is gonna strengthen our relationship.
Yeah, I said he needs to discover the city the same way I got to.
You know, find his favorite neighborhood, find his favorite pizza place.
You know, have some time and space to explore and grow and find out who he is here.
BLAINE: And to that end, my first thought is that I'm a guy that wouldn't mind crashing on Sam's couch in his new apartment.
I actually...
I actually don't have a new apartment anymore.
Um, I moved out.
That place...
it wasn't it for me.
I'm not saying I'm giving up my dream of being a model.
I still want that more than ever.
I just...
I want to do it the right way with, you know, no puking, pills and eating cotton balls.
BLAINE: Well, that's good.
Maybe we can find a place together.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Up top?
- Yeah.
- Guess who's taking over New York?
- (Kurt gasps)
- What?!
- I mean, this day couldn't get any better.
It could not get any better.
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, I missed you guys.
Okay, that's it.
You're never leaving now.
Just ring it a little bit to the right.
Oh, my gosh, this apartment is so cute.
I'm so happy that Mercedes is here.
Well, technically, she's not here, which is why we're doing all the work.
And where is she?
BLAINE: She's inside with Sam...
alone.
Oh, dear God.
I mean, you know, L.A.'s okay if you like sunshine all the time, which I don't.
- Yeah.
- It makes me squint.
Then I got to thinking about all of you guys and all the fun that you must be having.
And I ain't ashamed to say it.
Got a little lonely out there.
I missed you.
Well, I miss everyone.
- Even Rachel?
- (laughing): Yes, even Rachel.
That girl...
she keeps my head in the game.
So I told the producers that my album needed an East Coast, Harlem, bebop, uptown kind of vibe.
(laughs)
You know, I don't have any idea what that means, but the suckers bought it.
I love the Harlem bebop.
(laughs)
So here I am.
Two bedrooms and a refrigerator.
That's so cool.
It's crazy.
So, uh, what are you gonna...
what are you gonna do with the other room?
Oh, well, you know, I was thinking of storing my hair for my weaves in there.
But then I got to thinking, maybe I should rent it out to a couple of nerds I knew back in high school.
You know, but Blaine and I need a place, so, you could just, you know, rent to us.
- Oh, you were talking about us.
- Yes, I was.
Well, listen, that's great.
That's amazing.
I heard that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ah.
(clears throat)
Uh, what are we, uh...?
But what are we gonna do about the...
our sexual chemistry?
'Cause it's...
Uh-uh.
No.
Been there, done that.
No, Sam.
Okay, yeah, just friends, just friends.
Yeah.
This looks good, though.
All right, fine.
Yeah, just friends.
- That's a good call.
That's a good call.
- Mm-hmm.
Just, uh...
I will bite your wax lips off.
Listen, we play by my rules, or not at all.
Okay?
Oh, yeah.
Can you tighten that up?
It's a little loose.
Some people just don't know how to screw things.
Come on.
I really wish I could be helping you guys.
Oh, don't worry about it, Artie.
We know you would help.
Rachel, on the other hand...
I don't know.
What?
I'm texting my publicist.
(singsongy): That was a joke, but I do have to go!
We're doing sound and mic checks now at the theatre.
Are we still on for dinner tonight for our annual Monday night because-it's-my-only-night-off dinner?
Let's do a potluck, 'cause I'm not cooking - for everybody.
- Okay.
I'm so excited.
This is going to be a great new tradition!
I'm gonna go and get pies now for everyone.
Taxi!
Taxi!
Hey!
God, I love her style.
God, I need a break.
(laughs)
(Barbra Streisand's "People" begins)
♪ People ♪
♪ People who need people ♪
♪ Are the luckiest people ♪
♪ In the world ♪
♪ We're children ♪
♪ Needing other children ♪
♪ And yet letting our grown-up pride ♪
♪ Hide all the need inside ♪
♪ Acting more like children ♪
♪ Than children ♪
♪ Lovers ♪
♪ Are very special people ♪
♪ They're the luckiest people ♪
♪ In the world ♪
♪ With one person ♪
♪ One very special person ♪
♪ A feeling deep in your soul ♪
♪ Says you were half, now you're whole ♪
♪ No more hunger and thirst ♪
♪ But first be a person who needs people ♪
♪ People who need people ♪
♪ Are the luckiest people... ♪
♪ In the world... ♪