01x03 - Unexpected Visitors

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Goblin Slayer". Aired: October 2018 to present.*
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A famous goblin hunter goes on a quest to save the land from ravaging goblins.
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01x03 - Unexpected Visitors

Post by bunniefuu »

[NARRATOR] Long, long ago, when the world was darker and the sky lit by fewer stars, the gods of light, order, and destiny and the gods of darkness, chaos, and chance vied to see which side would be granted dominion over the world.

Their struggle was played out not in battle but with the roll of the dice.

Their game continued for ages.

The gods rolled the dice over and over and over again, until they grew weary and tired of their contest.

-Oh, wow.

Look at her!

-Down boy.

Right.

I'm sorry.

It looks like she's a high elf.

They're direct blood descendants of the fairies.

Those ears, just look how long they are.

Much longer than other elves.

-Where can I find Orcbolg?

-Oak?

Like the tree?

No.

Orc, as in "Orc." Orcbolg.

I heard that he was here.

Are you referring to an adventurer?

You fool.

We're in the realm of the humans now.

Your fancy long-ears talk isn't going to help.

Oh?

Then what exactly should I call him?

His proper name, of course: Beard-Cutter.

Sorry, there's no one here by that name, either.

There isn't?

You dwarves have as much imagination as the rocks you work.

Always convinced you're the ones who are right.

Ha!

And what do you know of the world?

With a heart as small as your chest is flat.

At least I'm not barrel-shaped like your dwarf women.

-I think you mean voluptuous!

-Now, please.

-Uh...

-If your quarreling isn't over, I beg of you, kindly go elsewhere and spare the rest of us.

If my companions have caused you trouble,

-I apologize.

-It's fine.

I'm used to it.

[GUILD GIRL] Still, this is quite an odd party: A high elf traveling with her ancestral foe, a dwarf, and a member of the rarely glimpsed lizardman race.

Plus, they're all silver-ranked.

As my comrades have said, the one we seek is known by the names Orcbolg and Beard-Cutter.

Sadly, the human tongue is not my specialty, but translated...

I believe he is known as the Goblin Slayer.

-[GUILD GIRL] Oh!

Goblin Slay-- -Hmm?

-[footsteps approach]

-[armor clinking] Wait!

Hold on!

-[GOBLIN SLAYER] We're done.

-That's wonderful!

-Welcome back, Goblin Slayer!

-[gasping] Our quest was successful!

I'm glad to see you're both safe.

Well, more or less.

You were talking about goblins.

Where are they?

Um, well... ask them.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Are you goblins?

Of course we're not.

But are you Orcbolg?

‘Cause you certainly don't look it.

Why would I?

I've never been called that.

Sir Goblin Slayer, if we might have a moment of your time, there is something we would like to discuss with you.

-[GOBLIN SLAYER] Fine.

-In that case, we do have some meeting rooms available for use upstairs.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Let's go.

Um, should I come along with you?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] You need rest.

Don't worry.

We'll have him back soon.

[patrons chattering]

[patrons chattering]

[sighs] -Um, priestess?

-Yes?

Look, why don't you join us?

You're porcelain-ranked, too, right?

Oh.

It's very kind of you to offer, but I'm already working with some-- Yes, the brooding one who never removes his helmet.

We know that, but something seems off about him.

He's silver-ranked, but all he ever wants to do is k*ll goblins.

Silvers would usually go for bigger prey than that.

[CLERIC] I've heard that he's just dragging beginners around to use as goblin bait.

-That's not true!

-Now, now.

You're not spreading rumors, are you?

[WARRIOR] I'm just trying to warn her about him.

[WITCH] How noble.

You go on.

I'll take it from here.

Okay?

Now, dear.

Tell me, You're travelling with the helmed one, is that true?

It is, ma'am, when he allows it.

(chuckles)

[WITCH] When he allows it, hmm?

That man, he seems like a handful.

Rather dense, too, yes?

Inflammarae.

That's a powerful word to throw around.

You think I'm wasting a spell, hmm?

The thing is, dear, your friend asked a strange favor of me -once upon a time.

-(gasps)

You're imagining something naughty, aren't you?

No.

I'm not.

Apparently, he required assistance with a certain scroll.

It's hard, travelling with a man like that, is it not?

A bit.

It's taking everything I have just to keep up with him.

And all I do is cause him trouble.

And naturally, there's the fact that he's a bit crazy, yes?

(coughs)

He's good, of course.

His only interest is in slaying goblins, but he's been honing his blade for years now, you know?

There's no denying that he helps to make the world a safer place, much more so than those of lesser skill

-who go after greater prey.

-(sneezes)

However, that being said, it wouldn't hurt to hunt something different every once in a while.

The world is full of monsters.

Take the capital-- it's positively overrun these days.

Demons.

If you want to help, you can.

Join those other two.

Why not?

There's more than one choice.

I could, but, it's just...

Little one, I'm sorry.

I am.

There are so many paths.

Yes?

And no clear answer, truly.

It's difficult, life.

Still, if you are going to accompany him, take my advice, and know your own mind.

Know my own mind?

[ARCHER] Are you truly an adventurer of the silver rank?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] The guild thinks so.

Then the guild must be wrong.

You look weak, and your equipment is so shabby.

What do you know?

Before you speak, long-ears, take a closer look.

That leather armor makes for easier movement, and the chain mail and helmet provide protection against blades and blows to the head.

His sword and shield may be small, but they're also easy to maneuver in tight spaces.

Well, it certainly wouldn't k*ll you to keep your equipment clean.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] It's a precaution to cover the smell of metal.

Those bastards have keen noses.

Listen, you may be a high elf, but you're still an inexperienced whelp who's out wandering the world because she got bored and doesn't have the sense to listen to her elders.

I'm 2,000 years old.

And you're how old?

[SHAMAN] One hundred and seven.

[giggles] Oh, my!

Is that all?

-You look older, much older.

-[grumbles] Those wrinkles!

Poor man.

[groans] That's more than enough talk about age.

It shames those of us with shorter lifespans.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] What's your business with me?

I'm sure you've heard by now about the growing number of demons in the capital.

-[GOBLIN SLAYER] No.

-Leading them is a demon king.

He's been resurrected.

Now, he's gathering forces because he wants to take over the world.

-I see.

-That's why we came.

We need somebody with your skills--

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Ask someone else.

I have no interest in anything but goblins.

Don't you understand?

I'm saying hordes of demons are going to att*ck!

Do you realize the entire world is at stake here?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Yes.

But before the demons destroy the world, the goblins will destroy the villages.

They can't be spared simply because the world is in danger.

-How dare you!

-Easy!

Think about why we're here.

We didn't track him down to ask for his help dealing with the demons themselves, remember?

Sir Goblin Slayer, we've come to ask for your aid with an infestation of goblins.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] All right.

Then, I accept.

Where are they?

How many?

How big is their nest?

Do they have a shaman or a hob?

What's with this guy?

[SHAMAN cackles] As my companion has mentioned, in the wake of the demon king's resurrection, an army of his minions has gathered and is preparing to make its move.

So the chieftains of my kind, the kings of men, and the elders of the elves and dwarves have decided to hold a conference.

[SHAMAN] And we're the adventurers who've been hired to act as their representatives.

Eventually, a great battle is going to be fought.

Although I'm sure you don't care about that.

The goblins we mentioned to you earlier are currently becoming more active on elven lands, making a real nuisance of themselves.

Have any champions or lords emerged among them?

Champions?

And lords?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Goblin heroes or kings, basically equal to platinum-ranked adventurers.

I'm afraid I cannot answer that.

However, our search has turned up one enormous nest.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] And as usual, the m*llitary won't deploy for goblins.

The human kings may see us as allies, but they don't see us as equals.

If we brought our soldiers into this, they would think we were plotting something.

Which is why they sent us adventurers.

But we still require a human with goblin-slaying prowess.

So, out of everyone else, we've chosen you, Orcbolg.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Do you have a map?

[PRIEST] Right here.

-[GOBLIN SLAYER] Ruins?

-[PRIEST] We believe so.

-[GOBLIN SLAYER] Numbers?

-[PRIEST] We only know that there are many.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] I'll leave immediately.

You can decide how much you want to pay me.

What the...?

Is he planning to go alone?

-[patrons chattering] -Hmm...

Yeah.

-You look lonely, milady.

-[GOBLIN SLAYER] Goblins.

Well, your meeting didn't take very long.

From the sound of it, they came to offer you a mission?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] That lizardman will give you the details.

I'm heading out.

I'd like my pay for that last quest.

[GUILD GIRL] Oh, but you haven't made your report yet.

I suppose I could make an exception for you.

Just who does this rust bucket think he is?

Come, now.

No pouting.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] I've got my share.

Give this to her.

Wait.

Are you going alone?

-The girl...

-She should rest.

[PRIESTESS] Goblin Slayer!

So, what did they want?

-Is it a quest?

-Yes.

Slaying goblins.

[PRIESTESS] Then I'll get ready immediately!

[GOBLIN SLAYER] No.

I'll go on my own.

[PRIESTESS] That's not fair!

We could've... at least discussed it.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] We are, now.

Um, so, then, this is a discussion?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Isn't it?

[sighs] It doesn't really qualify as a discussion if the other person doesn't have a say.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] It doesn't?

I'm going with you.

You aren't going to leave me behind.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Do as you wish.

Yes!

I plan to.

[giggles]

[SHAMAN] Teaming up with a man like that can't be easy.

If she can manage that, I wonder what else she can do.

[PRIEST] If I were to put in the quest and not go with him, I wouldn't be able to face my ancestors.

[ARCHER] This Orcbolg is a strange and incomprehensible being Just what I left the forest to see.

Now, wait up, boys.

Don't you know that you're supposed to respect your elders?

[ARCHER] So, why did you all become adventurers?

[SHAMAN] Me?

For the exquisite cuisine, obviously.

For you.

Well, what about you?

I've always longed to see the outside world.

-This is delicious!

-I'm talking here!

I'm so glad you find it to your liking.

What kind of animal is this from?

That is the meat of a swamp creature.

-Eww.

-Mmm!


A rabbit like you couldn't possibly understand the pleasure of biting into a steaming hunk of freshly roasted flesh.

There's hot soup, too.

Would you like some?

Yes, thank you.

(slurping)

Ah!

Mmm!

It tastes wonderful!

I hope to raise my status by rooting out heresy -so I may become a dragon.

-[PRIESTESS] Huh?

[PRIEST] That's the reason I became an adventurer.

Oh, right.

Huh?

[ALL] Huh?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Goblins.

[ARCHER] Yeah, I think we all had that one pretty much figured out.

Thanks.

That soup was delicious, it's only fair I give you something in return.

[rustling] Elven traveling rations.

We're not supposed to give them to others, but this is a special occasion.

-So good!

-I'm glad you like it.

All right, then, I suppose I'll have to offer something too.

-Huh?

-[clears throat] Fire wine, a dwarven brew made deep in our cellars.

Fire wine?

Surely someone of your advanced age and considerable maturity has had a tipple or two before.

Don't you mock me, cave dweller.

Of course I have!

[gasps] Would a sip of water help, maybe?

-[groans]

-[cackles] Go on, Beard-Cutter, have a swig.

[SHAMAN] Not bad, eh, kid?

[ARCHER groans] Come on, just take it off for a few minutes.

Why do you need it when you're eating, anyway?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] So that I'm not knocked unconscious in the event of an ambush.

Yeah, she's going to feel that in the morning.

[groans]

[ARCHER] It's your turn to share something with us!

Hello?

Did you fall asleep in there?

[ARCHER giggles]

[PRIESTESS] He's quiet because he's thinking about something.

[SHAMAN] How can you tell?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Will this do?

[PRIEST] Whatever is that?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Cheese.

It's made from fermented cow or goat's milk, then hardened.

Hold on.

You've never heard of cheese before, Scaley?

My people hunt beasts rather than raise them, so products like this one are unknown to our society.

Mmm!

And give it here.

I'll cut it for you real good.

[fire crackling]

[SHAMAN] Oh!

This is a fine cheese.

Hmm...

Oh.

[growls, roars] Nectar!

This is surely the nectar of the gods!

Lovely.

Pairs well with the wine.

Mmm!

It's so sweet, almost like a banana.

Is this from the cows on that farm?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] It is.

-It's wonderful.

-[GOBLIN SLAYER] Good.

-Don't touch that.

-[gasps] It's dangerous.

-Aw.

I just wanted a peek.

-Not a good idea.

[ARCHER] That's a magic scroll, right?

I've never seen one before.

Such scrolls contain powerful, ancient spells, magic that is now lost to us.

They require no expertise to wield.

Once unrolled, even a child could use the spell within.

Indeed, and they can contain any variety of spells, and each one can be used only once.

Most parties rely on their own magic and sell these things off to collectors and researchers for profit.

[WITCH] Apparently, he required assistance with a certain scroll.

Well, fine.

But at least tell me what kind of spell you've got there.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] No.

What if the goblins capture you and you tell them what's in it?

I'm beginning to think you don't like me very much at all.

[GOBLIN SLAYER] I'm not particular.

It's no use, just leave the man alone.

Really.

He's far more stubborn than I am.

He is Beard-Cutter after all.

-He's Orcbolg after all.

-He's Sir Goblin Slayer, -after all.

-(overlapping chatter)

[GOBLIN SLAYER] It's just Goblin Slayer.

-[chattering continues]

-[giggles] -That's nonsense!

-[chattering excitedly]

[PRIEST] There is something that's been on my mind.

Does anyone truly know where goblins come from?

I was taught that they originated in a kingdom deep underground.

When I was young, we were told that when someone misbehaves or makes a mistake,

-a goblin appears.

-What's that mean?

People just say it to make children obey.

They're less likely to act up if they think it'll create a goblin.

That's horrible!

And it means, if we left long-ears to her own devices, we'd be neck-deep in the creatures by now.

[growls] Watch your mouth, dwarf!

Or tomorrow, I'll give you a demonstration of my skills with a bow!

How scary!

My beard's all aquiver!

-[GOBLIN SLAYER] I heard...

-[others] Hmm?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] I heard they came from the moon.

The moon?

As in, one of the two above us now?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] Yes.

The green moon, that's where the goblins originated, their green home.

[ARCHER] Does that mean sh**ting stars are goblins?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] I'm not sure.

But that moon has no trees, grass or water.

It's a desolate place, and that makes them angry.

They envy us because we have what they don't, and so they come here.

Which is why if you ever become jealous of someone, you become like a goblin yourself.

[PRIESTESS] Who told you all of this?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] My older sister.

-You have an older sister?

-[GOBLIN SLAYER] Had.

I had an older sister.

[ARCHER] Just so I'm certain I understand, you really think they're from the moon?

[GOBLIN SLAYER] All I know for sure, is that my sister never made mistakes.

[crackling] Oh.

I think he passed out.

Oh.

Seems like the drink finally kicked in.

[PRIESTESS] I'm not surprised.

He did have quite a bit of it.

It would be wise for us to sleep.

If we're tired tomorrow, we run the risk of making mistakes.

We'll take turns as lookouts.

[cows mooing] That's a good girl.

Time to go home.

Don't dally.

[COWGIRL] Still gone.

♪ [berates in foreign language]

[yawns]

If you miss, this is going to be much more difficult.

Quiet, you.

Where the hell are you aiming?

♪ [GOBLIN SLAYER] Let's go.

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