02x11 - Day 478

[bunniefuu]

Yes, they can rip it up.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] But they won't.

[SILENCED g*nsh*t]

Let's take a look at the clients. Right.

Frank Gwinn. He was the shoe salesman, right?

Have we ever thought it might be Sweeney? I mean, he's a wife-k*ller.

There are two I'd put at the top of the list:

Dylan Stack and Felix Staples.

I need your client list. Attorney-client privilege.

Look, whoever sh*t Adrian wanted to k*ll him.

And Adrian is alive, so this isn't over.

[STATIC HISSING]

[RAIN FALLING]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[BEEPS]

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

[MAN GRUNTS] [THUD]

[MAN GRUNTS] [THUD]

[MAN GRUNTS] [THUD]

[MAN GRUNTS] [THUD]

[THUD]

[MAN GRUNTS]

[MAN GRUNTS] [THUD]

[GRUNTING]

Are you interested?

Oh. Excuse me?

Are you interested in aikido? Oh.

No. Just, um... It's beautiful.

Come back Tuesday night. No, sorry.

It's, um... it's not me.

Itis.

Uh, no. I mean...

My life is pretty full right now.

I know you think that, but it's not.

Come back Tuesday night.

[PHONE RINGING]

Yeah. Hey, Jay, what's up?

We might have a better suspect.

A better suspect? Oh, for Adrian's sh**t?

Yes.

I thought you were saying Felix Staples.

MARISSA: We were, but he has an airtight alibi.

He had a speaking engagement, and there was video.

But we started looking at people who lost to us.

Okay. Makes sense.

And we came up with Dennis Honeycutt.

The Neo-n*zi?

Yes. His house b*rned down, and he blamed us.

Right. Both you and Boseman, uh, you were against him in court. That's why we're calling you.

We need you to be careful, Diane, he's still out there.

Okay, well, let's ask Adrian tomorrow if Honeycutt could be the sh**t.

Um... good job, you guys.

[GRUNTING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

I Like me, just like me I Just like me! Just like me I Just like me Just like me!

I Sweet and tasty just like me I Won't get a taste if you don't get to know me I Would hate for you to lose a girl like me...

[LAUGHING] Oh, come on. You're Insta-famous.

That's a big deal. It's really not a big deal.

WOMAN: If our show had 500,000 followers, my boss would promote me tomorrow.

To on-air host?

[CHUCKLING] No.

Um, associate producers don't usually get on-air jobs.

Why not? You're pretty enough.

Guess you would know. Why, ‘cause I'm a photographer?

A great photographer. [CHUCKLES]

Every time I see a really awesome sh*t in Gametime Now and I check the credit, it's always you.

It was the Olympics.

I wanted to catch the US team against Canada.

So I invited her home.

She didn't have to go, but she went.

MAN: [ON TV] Here we go. Bang.

[CHEERING]

[MELLOW JAZZ PLAYING]

What are you doing?

Protection. I thought...

Um...

Can we just not do that... yet?

He got the time of the game wrong, so we watched whatever was on.

We poured some wine, and then we made out.

And I tried to slow things down, but he reached for a condom.

A condom? Really?

How soon after you entered the apartment did he grab his condom?

About ten minutes.

Wow. Really? Ten minutes? That's pretty fast.

Objection. Well, it is.

[CHATTER ON TV CONTINUES] EMILY: This is tasty.

That wine's probably older than you.

I'm not that young.

You're not that old. Six years is nothing.

She said she wanted to slow it down, so we did.

Then we... talked and drank a bit more.

I mean, she was laughing.

There was no discomfort.

So then we, you know, started going at it again.

And you weren't pushing things? No, not at all.

Even when you put her hand on your penis?

I didn't... [SIGHS]

She had her hand on my leg. She, Emily?

Yes, Emily was moving her hand up my leg.

So I showed that I welcomed that advance by placing my hand on hers. That's all.

Okay, let me get this straight.

Are you saying that you didn't put Emily's hand on your penis?

I'm not saying that. I'm saying...

It was a mutual thing. She was sending signals, and I thought I was sending signals back.

I don't know what he means by signals, but I was just going along with him.

But did you put your hand on his leg?

Yeah, on his knee.

I wasn't saying that I want my hand on his penis.

And he was the one who pulled it there.

He was reaching for my panties...

Actually, where is the, uh, the bathroom?

Excuse me?

WOMAN: He was again pushing it, and you were trying to slow it down? Yes.

I just thought she had to go to the bathroom, or, um... put in a diaphragm.

You okay? Yes. I just... I need the bathroom.

RON: / don't know how I was supposed to know that she didn't want to keep going.

She already called a halt once.

No, she slowed it down once. Seriously?

I'm just using your client's own words.

Okay, sure. Here she is, a second time, trying to stop your advances.

I didn't read it that way.

I think I'd, uh, better go home.

Really? Yeah. I have work tomorrow.

Oh, come on. You're really gonna leave?

So this is what I don't understand. Why didn't you leave right then?

I don't know. I... I wanted to. He was making it hard.

She said, "When's the game on?" I read that as she wanted to stay.

How was he making it hard?

He made it sound like it wouldn't be good for me.

In what way?

I don't know.

1 did it just to... I don't know, get it over with.

He was so insistent, and I just went along with it.

So you forced oral sex on her.

Oh, come on. Objection.

I'm still mad at myself. You did nothing wrong, Emily.

Look, if she had told me to stop, I would've stopped.

And that was the end of the date?

Yes. I got in a cab and went home.

Now, you're aware of the blog, Assholes to Avoid?

Yes, of course.

So, within a month of your date, a summary of your account was posted here.

"Coercion, nonconsensual oral copulation, offers of quid pro quo.” Is that correct?

That's how they summarized my account?

So you don't agree with it? No, I agree with it.

There's a link to a fuller account.

Okay, all right, but how did it end up on Assholes to Avoid?

After the date with Ron, I was crying, and my roommate asked what was wrong, and I told her.

She told Gretchen.

That's the creator of the blog, a Gretchen... Mackie?

Yes.

She asked if she could include my account, and I agreed. Why did you agree?

Well, I heard Ron was going on a date with a friend, and I thought...

1 don't know. I was thinking of skiing, and how they plant red flags where the ice is too thin or where there are avalanches.

And this seemed like the same thing.

It seemed wrong to move on without planting a red flag.

Then what happened?

Well, I was fired.

My boss was told about the blog, and you could search it by name.

And he saw, "nonconsensual oral copulation,” and he thought that meant r*pe.

And I was asked to leave.

And other jobs? Sports photography is a small world.

I haven't been able to get another job since.

And that's why you're suing?

Yes, I just want it down. And an apology.

I could get my career back if Emily made it clear it's not true.

But it is true.

No. I didn't force myself on her.

Two hundred thousand in lost pay, an apology, and have the site take down Emily's account.

How many male lawyers are at this firm?

I have no idea.

Does that have something to do with our negotiations?

I just find it odd that, at a firm with 60 percent men, a female partner and a female associate have graced us with their presence.

Yes, I guess we can turn this into a gender thing.

Oh, it is a gender thing.

And my answer is... come at us.

LIZ: We can't win this one. We need to let it go.

After one day of depositions?

Well, they both agree on what happened on the date.

They just disagree on the interpretation.

This is about gender politics, Liz. Adrian, there is no defamation.

We've already gone through the client's retainer money.

We need to cut him loose.

Okay.

Let me make the call. No, we're on it. You rest.

Well, then, I'll reach out to Bishop and Sweeney.

No. No, no, no. We handled it.

The merger. What about the merger?

Handled. There is no merger.

Waltzer actually used it as a cover to poach.

Yeah, so we shut down talks and we poached two of his lesser clients.

You did what?

Well, he went after ours, so we went after his.

Yeah. What are you two, the Mafia?

I didn't approve of that. Yeah, that's right. We did.

I need to get back to work. No, no, no. You need to rest.

We've got it handled. Mm-hm.

Jay, Marissa, show him.

Adrian, we've narrowed the suspects down to a client and someone we b*at.

Who?

Felix Staples, the alt-right icon, and Dennis Honeycutt, the neo-n*zi.

JAY: Is it him?

I'm not sure, but I think so.

Good. Then we'll talk to him.

What about the police?

Um, well, we've run into a bit of a roadblock.

They... They were misusing our client list.

Aah! [BEEPING]

Liz, what were they doing with our client list?

No, no, don't worry, Adrian. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you handled it, right?

DIANE: Right. We'll give what we have to the police.

Okay, now, we're all gonna go and let you get your rest.

And we'll be back later on tonight to talk through your work, okay?

[SIGHS] Okay, okay. Let's go.

Thanks.

Yeah, it's Adrian Boseman.

No, no, no, I'm still here.

Look, we are thinking about dropping this.

If you're gonna jump, jump now.

We're following every lead and pursuing every suspect.

But thanks for coming to me.

Well, we reviewed our clients, and we think it's not a client.

We think it's someone who lost to us.

Dennis Honeycutt, a neo-n*zi who lost to us in court.

We're happy with our leads. You know, we're trying to help you.

I do know that. Well, then, why aren't you listening?

Because this man is white and we know the suspect is black.

How do you know that? We'll keep you in touch.

[PICKS UP PHONE] Adrian Boseman said he was white.

Yes, I know. He's wrong.

Wow.

They're just being dicks. If they didn't come up with the lead, they don't want it. Diane, your accountants here.

My accountant? Did he say why?

No. He just needed to talk.

Oh. That's not a good sign.

Anyway, we're gonna go question Honeycutt.

See what his alibi is.

Good, and I want a call from you every hour.

And, uh... Wait.

Jay, you don't work here anymore.

Well, that's okay. No.

No, we want you back. With a ten percent raise.

Uh, I... I don't think Adrian... No. Liz and I approve.

It's done. Welcome back.

Thanks.

Uh... what about a raise for me?

[CHUCKLES] Eight to ten years?

What planet are you calling me from, Colin?

Uh, the planet of Double Homicide Gets You More Than a Six-Month Sentence.

[SCOFFS] But my guy wasn't even the sh**t.

Exactly. He was an accomplice, which means he doesn't have to be the sh**t.

Are you reading to me from your bar exam notes?

He gave Grimes a ride in his car.

He didn't know he was gonna rob anyone, and... Ow!

What? What-what... what happened?

[GROANING] What's happening? What's going on?

No, nothing. I just...

Um...

You know, I think it's the strain of this plea bargaining.

I just felt a pang.

[MOUTHING] No, I'm fine. A pang? Like a contraction?

No. I don't know.

[MOUTHING] Colin.

How about a year? What?

Instead of six months, how about a year?

Jesus, Lucca, focus. Do your breathing.

Just take a deep breath in.

Oh, my God, Lucca. Sit down. Are you okay?

What's going on? Wh-What's happening?

Nothing. Nothing. I just... I need to get off my feet.

Have some of these warm compresses.

What compresses? For what? I'm all right, Maia.

It'll pass. Hello? What's going on?

Colin, I can't go more than a year.

What? Hello? [CHUCKLES]

How many more weeks you got left?

Four now. [WHISPERS] Four.

Yeah, I just want to sleep on my back.

Oh, my God. How did... How did you get here? By transporter?

I was... I was in the elevator. You're just f*cking with me, aren't you?

No. No. No. No.

No, the pang... We... Hmm.

It just passed.

Oh, did the pang just pass? I cannot believe you.

You're just trying to get an edge with the plea bargain.

And you're going harder than usual because you know... he knows... I'm in a weakened state.

Okay, I am stepping out. You're not in a weakened state.

You're using the baby to... Why are you here, Colin?

No, no, no. No, no, no. I still want to be angry.

Oh, okay. Let's go.

No, I'm done.

I want to talk about the future. Okay. You start.

We need you to keep deposing them. [TYPING]

I don't think you understand. We've exhausted Ron's retainer.

It's a civil case, right?

Yes. We're putting money behind your plaintiff.

How much? Two point one million.

And that's...? Sixty partner hours, 360 associate.

You want to go after Assholes to Avoid?

Mmm. Jerry doesn't like swearing.

Well, neither do I, but that's its name.

You want to put $2.1 million behind Ron's suit, right?

Yes. LIZ: But there's no payout.

He just wants an apology and back pay.

This blog has gotten 20 more men fired.

And two women. And two women.

We've signed them all up into a class action.

It adds up to a lot of money.

Excuse us. [JULIUS CLEARS THROAT]

Be right back.

This is Adrian. I know him.

He is bedridden, and he's trying to assert himself.

Two point one millions a lot of money, even for a loser case.

So, we're taking it? I don't know. It's up to us.

Tell them we'll think about it.

We're not getting married. And I'm not proposing.

I'm just saying, what are we gonna do?

I'll raise the baby.

You'll visit. You'll be the daddy.

Okay, but I'm going to be in DC in January.

Unless the n*zi wins. [CHUCKLES] Right.

You'll be in DC, and when you fly home, you'll visit your son. Or you could come to DC.

Once or twice, sure. No. I mean, you could live in DC.

How likely do you think that is?

[CHUCKLES] I don't know. That's why I'm asking.

Colin, I'm not giving up working. I'm just having a baby.

And I'm not suggesting that you give up work.

To my understanding, they do have law firms in DC.

Okay, this was fun.

But unless you want to agree to a six-month plea...

[LAUGHS] ...I have to get back to work.

Well, it's a year away. Think about it.

This law firm takes you for granted, and you know it.

And in DC, you will be the significant other of a congressman, and that is a lucrative commodity.

[LAUGHS] Thanks, Colin.

Think about it. Mmm.

Mmm. Six months.

Uh...

DIANE: Hey, Glenn. This is a surprise.

But I hope not too much of a surprise.

Sorry. I just thought you'd want to hear this immediately.

I think this downturn in the market is temporary, no?

I don't know about that. But it's one reason you should act quickly.

Thank you. Act quickly?

About what? Am I... am I broke again?

Oh, no. Ayear and a half ago, you were.

Oh, I know. I remember that meeting.

Not one of my happier days.

Well, today, I'm here to tell you you're whole.

I'm whole. What does that mean?

You're good. You made your money back.

What... I made what money back?

The money you lost.

How?

Well, you didn't lose as much as we thought.

We invested wisely, and you saved.

Your profit participation here was good.

And...

...Tr*mp.

[LAUGHING]

I know. His tax cuts... bad for the poor, good for you.

You can retire.

You can put a down payment on that place in France.

It's up to you.

Okay.

Well, thanks.

Oh, one more thing.

Uh, your husband. His accountant contacted me.

My husband? Yes.

[CHUCKLES] He has an accountant? Yes.

One of the other results of the Tr*mp tax cut is, if you're gonna divorce, it's best that you do it before the end of the calendar year.

Wait, excuse me?

Your husband's accountant was suggesting that it's better to divorce this year than next year.

Wait, he was proposing a divorce?

Yes. Isn't that what you want?

I, um...

I don't know.

Wow, you are a badass.

Don't meet many chicks into The Turner Diaries.

Well, not like there's a lot of white Anglo-Saxons ordering lattes.

[SIGHS] What brings you here? Mmm.

I'm deposing a witness around the corner.

You're a lawyer? No. f*ck lawyers. Hate lawyers.

Hey, did you hear about that black lawyer that was sh*t around here?

Yeah.

Want to know a secret?

Would I?

[LINE RINGING]

KURT: You've reached Kurt McVeigh's voice mail. I'll get back to you.

[PHONE BEEPS] Kurt, uh, could you give me a call?

I wouldn't mind getting a drink tonight.

NEWSCASTER: /n other news, President Tr*mp is expected to sign an order today allowing the planting of firecrackers in the rectums of grizzly bears.

The order, which reverses Obama...

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

They questioned Honeycutt. And?

It wasn't him. He was in Miami visiting his father.

[SIGHS] So, where does that put us?

We think we should talk to the police. They seem to have a lead we don't.

I'll doit. And I'll go through the case files.

Uh, no, Marissa, we need you on the Assholes to Avoid case.

I thought we were dropping that. We got an injection of cash.

Seriously? Don't we hate this?

Well, I wouldn't say hate. We're obligated.

Okay. What do we need? Other people that Emily has dated.

Let's see if there's a pattern of overreacting on dates.

So we're blaming the victim?

Why do you think she's the victim? What about him?

Oh, my God, seriously? He forces himself on her...

He didn't force himself on her. She didn't want sex, and he did.

She didn't tell him that she didn't want to have sex.

Oh, my God, so we're just protecting poor, innocent men.

Marissa. [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

Marissa. That's why...

LIZ: Hey. Marissa.

Can you do this, or should I give it to Jay?

No, I can do it.

I just can't turn my opinions off as I do.

JAY: [SIGHING] Oh, my God. What do you think about this?

I think there's gonna be a lot of strong opinions there.

Yeah, we represent murderers and embezzlers, but it's always this stuff.

MAIA: /t was a bad date, that's all.

So you agree with him? Ron? No.

No, I think he's a d*ck, and I'm glad I'm not dating him, but I don't think he deserved to lose his job or his reputation.

But that's not Emily's fault. His boss was the one who fired him.

Exactly. The website just warns people off.

Look, if she had problems with him on the date, she should have told him that she was uncomfortable. Why? She didn't want to.

Because this is just revenge p*rn. Oh, come on.

It looks like she was trying to punish him because she was disappointed in herself.

No, she's disappointed in the whole f*cked up dating scene where guys think they can get away with anything.

[ALL ARGUING]

Adrian says that the assailant was Caucasian, but your detective is insisting that he was a black man.

Yes. Why?

Two witnesses saw a man running from your building five minutes after the sh**ting.

They couldn't describe him, but he was clearly African-American.

Oh, well, that could have been anybody.

A delivery man.

Yes, except this man dropped something in a Dumpster.

We searched it... and we found this.

Is this the w*apon? Along with the sil*ncer.

Ballistics match, so we are still looking into Lemond Bishop and his crew.

The elevator doors were open. I'm staring in.

[GROANS] Maybe. Maybe I was wrong. I...

Okay. Uh... let me look at other black clients.

Yeah, and opponents.

People who lost to us. [EXHALES]

ADRIAN: Jay.

Thank you.

Don't worry. It's what we do for each other.

1 didn't get to eat dinner before I came here, sol... hope you don't mind. I'm just gonna eat junk food right now.

[LAUGHS, COUGHS]

Give me that. Oh, no. This is... Oh.

[LAUGHS]

You're bad. Yeah.

I know. So...

Yeah, take it easy.

How's the Assholes case coming? [SCOFFS]

You really boxed us in on that one, didn't you?

Mmm, not intentionally. Mm-hm.

Tom and Jerry came to me... a week ago.

They're ready to put money into it, Liz.

Oh, but it's controversial. I knew it would be.

Maybe #MeToo has gone too far, Liz.

Do you think that?

I think good causes start out being good and end up becoming mobs.

Like Black Lives Matter?

No, I don't understand.

[SCOFFS] Women join together, and all of a sudden, men all over the world are worried about mobs or... or witch hunts.

But you don't have the same worry about Black Lives Matter hurting white people's reputations. Liz.

What?

It was a bad date.

Anybody could have a bad date.

Yeah. Yeah, but we're not just stopping at the date.

Now we're trying to destroy the website. Awebsite that destroys reputations, Liz.

Of men. God.

No, that's your problem.

No. Don't make me out to be some kind of cartoon male chauvinist.

Hey. No, no, no, no. I'm not... Come on... okay.

You're missing one very important angle.

The female angle. No, no, I've been there, Liz, come on.

MARISSA: So you dated Emily Chapin? Emily Chapin, yeah.

We went out, I guess, two times. This was a year ago.

How did you meet? Through her job.

Uh, she re-tweeted me. It was about the movie /, Tonya.

And you broke up with her?

No, she did with me. I mean, not really a break-up.

Just stopped returning my texts. Why?

[LAUGHS] Well, she liked the idea of dating more than the follow-through.

Uh, what does that mean?

She liked me choosing the wine and paying for dinner.

The romantic comedy stuff. Flirting and...

But not the sex. Right.

She'd kind of take you to the brink and then freeze you out.

I didn't know if it was a Christian thing or what.

What, not having sex? Right.

And then she wrote about me on Facebook and said I broke up with her.

It's just bullshit gossip from a dumped guy.

And this is it? Yeah.

I can keep calling other guys if you want, but I don't think we're gonna find anything on her.

She just seems normal. [SIGHS]

That's okay. Thanks.

What do you think?

I don't think we made that many enemies among our clients.

We're just that good. Yeah.

But...?

Do you remember him?

Paul Johnson? No. Who's...?

Last year. Pastor Jeremiah?

He was in his halfway house.

The only reason he's trying to kick me out is because I ended it, because I don't want a 70-year-old d*ck in my mouth.

JAY: Shut up.

He was an assh*le.

Yep. Sued Jeremiah, said he molested him.

So do we take this to the police or go on our own?

Well, that is the question.

[GRUNTING]

Why do you want to do this?

I don't know. It looked beautiful.

What do you want to learn?

Everything.

What is your job?

I'm a lawyer. Okay.

You are going to throw Sensei.

No, I'm not.

He's going to come at you with a Kn*fe.

Then you're going to throw him.

Shouldn't we talk about being at peace first?

No.

Okay.

Let's do this.

Hey. Sorry. Hi.

[CLEARS THROAT] Is it raining?

No, I, uh, took a shower.

Whiskey, neat.

How you doing? lam great.

Sorry about your partner. My partner?

Getting sh*t. Oh, oh.

Right. Uh, no, actually, he's fine.

He's getting out in a few days.

Have they found who did it?

No, but they will. I have faith.

So...?

So, um... you want a divorce.

What? Your accountant called my accountant.

I guess that's how it's done these days.

He said I want a divorce?

Yes. I guess it makes sense for tax purposes to divorce this year.

That was based on your question last year.

Roy wants to know our status.

Oh, Roy. Accountant Roy?

Yes. Oh, okay.

Well, so here we are.

Ready to talk status.

[CHUCKLES]

What do you want?

[LAUGHS] Kurt. We see each other, what, thirty days out of the year? We both work.

I know, but that doesn't make for a marriage, so if you want a divorce, I'm fine.

Is this about your friend?

My friend? Yes.

Oh, you're talking about Tully. Is that his name?

Yes. Sure, then it's about Tully.

No. No.

It's about what you want.

Diane, uh...

I've been...

I've been trying the past year to...

...lo make things up to you, to...

[SIGHS]

I've been a prisoner on probation.

I'm tired. [CHUCKLES]

Kurt, that's the most you've talked about it in two years.

I'm not a big talker. Uh, I know.

But I need you to be.

I need you to tell me...

...what it is you want.

And if it is a divorce, then I understand.

And if it's not... I've been telling you.

No, you've been telling me that we should spend the weekend together, that I should come to your cabin.

And we should move in together. As roommates.

I'm too old to be a roommate, so if we're divorcing, well, let's just... let's just do that.

I've spent too much of the last year just drifting, letting events happen to me.

And I'm not gonna do that anymore.

Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT] I'll call you tomorrow.

Why?

Because you want a real answer.

LUCCA: Mr. Rose?

Yes, Sebastian Rose.

Hi. I'm Lucca. Do you have an appointment?

No, I thought I'd just cold-call.

You are pregnant.

Oh, no, no. Just fat.

You're joking. That's right.

Now, why are you cold-calling me?

I'm a headhunter, the best in DC. Ask anyone.

And your type is exactly what people are looking for right now.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, my God. Colin called you?

Is that your significant other soon-to-be-congressman?

Look, I am not moving. I'm staying in Chicago, so...

Okay, wait. Take these.

These are the offers from five top firms in DC.

And that's after two hours of calls.

You're in the top bracket right now, Ms. Quinn.

I don't know what they're paying you here, but...

I'll bet you my left nut they can't match these.

Your left nut, huh?

Here, take 'em.

Thanks.

Colin, stop it. I am not moving to DC.

Lucca, calm down.

We have time to discuss it. He was just here.

Who was there? He gave me offers from five DC firms.

Lucca, who was there? Who are you talking about?

Some headhunter. A headhunter?

I didn't call a headhunter. Then who?

Guess. Your mother?

I'll talk to her... Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Colin, I cannot deal with this right now.

I know. Yeah, I know. I'll talk to her.

Why? Because the world is changing very, very fast.

And men can't rely on their old habits.

What old habits are those? What old habits do you think?

1 don't know. That's why I'm deposing you.

Men think that their behavior will go unnoticed and unremarked.

They think women are too intimidated to share what they know, and that's changed. So your blog is about scaring men?

She didn't say that. Nor do I mean that.

At the top of my blog it says, "This is a collection of misconduct allegations and rumors.

Take everything with a grain of salt."

LIZ: But your blog's name suggests that you want action.

Assholes to Avoid. Avoid is an action.

Oh, my God, you caught me. That tone was clearly ironic.

Look, this is not a man-hating site, Diane.

I didn't say a word. You didn't have to.

You're representing the people suing us.

So we should all just march behind you, right?

Because only you know what's best for all women?

I know more than you second-wave feminists.

You just want to get along now.

Don't hurt the men, they might hurt us back.

Oh, my God, you caught me.

[CHUCKLES]

You have made the way for the next generation.

For us. Thank you.

Now you can take a rest.

[LAUGHS]

Am I that funny? Yes, you are.

Everything's tribal with you, right?

Men versus women.

It's the only way to get things done. Look where you got us.

Harvey Weinstein and Charlie Rose.

A whole generation of women who were taught to keep their mouths shut.

Well, my site won't keep its mouth shut.

You know your problem? I can't wait.

You're too busy name-calling to realize how much we agree with you.

And you're too confident of your feminist credentials to realize we don't need you.

This is a young women's fight.

Yeah. Ron's like that. Pushy and kind of inexperienced.

And how long did you date Ron?

A month, I guess. It was four dates.

And did he try having sex with you on the first date?

Oh, yeah. Condom by the couch.

The thing is, he's not very good at it.

I think he never got laid in high school, so I think he thinks women respond to force.

So, Emily's account of a date with Ron parallels yours?

Oh, yeah. Tongue in the ear.

I think he's seen that in p*rn or something.

It's just gross. Any questions?

You take it.

So Ron tried to sleep with you on your first date?

Yup. And did you?

I went down on him, he went down on me.

But when the date was over, you didn't go on Assholes to Avoid and write about it?

No. Why not?

If I wrote about every date that ended like that, there wouldn't be any guys left.

But do you blame Emily for warning others about him?

No. That's her choice. It's just not mine.

Not good. This establishes a pattern for him.

Well, what about Emily? What do we have on her?

We should just tell Tom and Jerry to settle.

I mean, at some point, this is going to invite a countersuit.

But do we have a pattern for her?

Yes. Marissa did research.

MAIA: This isn't the first time you've accused a man of mistreating you, is it, Emily?

I don't understand.

Did you not call your ex-boyfriend a psychopath on Facebook in 2017?

No. That was a figure of speech.

So he wasn't a psychopath? No. I'm just saying... he wasn't very good to me.

Ah. Like Ron?

No. Different.

It seems like you have a pattern of breaking up with guys and then telling stories about them.

Where did you get all this? MAIA: Are you trying to hide it?

No, I just...

Look, I was upset. I blew up.

What does this have to do with Ron?

Let's talk about some of your other relationships.

I thought we agreed it was bullshit gossip.

Yes, and depositions are fishing expeditions.

She could have denied it.

She did deny it, and it doesn't matter. She is normal.

You were turning her into some frigid psycho.

No, I was trying to show that there was another side to the issue.

You talked the same way about you and Amy.

What? No, I didn't. Yes, you did. To me.

You said Amy was paranoid about you and Carine, that she was crazy.

Okay, and so when I'm being deposed, maybe they can use that against me.

[SCOFFS] That was bullshit.

Liz, the witness said the assailant is black.

Yes. Yes, and we agree.

Now, there's someone we b*at that we want your witness to look at.

Tell him, Jay.

This is Paul Johnson.

Adrian Boseman b*at him in court a year ago.

LIZ: Just show him to your witness.

Yes, Captain.

We have the witness contact information in the Boseman sh**ting?

We do, sir. I was just about to bring them in and talk to them.

Good. Show them this photo.

You haven't talked to 'em yet?

Wait. You didn't talk to them?

The witnesses? I have work to do.

How do you know they're telling the truth if you didn't interview them?

We found the w*apon and the sil*ncer. Now back off, sir.

Yes, but is that all you did?

Look, an officer on the scene talked to the witnesses.

I have his interview notes here.

Which officer? Let us do our job.

Which cop?

[SIGHS] Him.

Whitehead.

LIZ: Jay, what's going on?

Do you know who did it?

Yeah.

Good. How do you feel?

Good.

Does he ever talk? Once a year.

Do I ever face you? Me? Eventually, but first...

[DIANE GRUNTS]

Very good.

[PHONE RINGING]

[SIGHS] Sorry.

You'd better get that. You're a lawyer, right?

[SIGHS]

Liz, what is it?

Whitehead sh*t Adrian. What?

Officer Whitehead. They are arresting him right now.

Oh, my God! Yeah.

He was the cop that said that he talked to witnesses who saw a black man leaving the scene.

But the police tried to talk to the witnesses, and they couldn't find them.

The g*n? He planted it.

I guess he saw all the att*cks on lawyers and wanted to get in on it.

I'm gonna go to the hospital, so I'll just talk to you later.

Okay.

My God.

MARISSA: It has Franz Mendelssohn on here.

"Inappropriate communication... in person and digital... workplace harassment.” Yeah, I know someone who worked for him.

He was a real d*ck. None of that has context.

It's just thrown out there. And he can refute it if he wants.

You're at a law firm, and you don't give a sh*t about due process?

No one's prosecuting him.

And you didn't care about due process when it was Roy Moore.

WOMAN: Exactly. Oh, my God. Are you seriously comparing this to a child molester?

MARISSA: I absolutely am. Some of these men are rapists.

One thing you're not looking at... a lot of these men are black.

Oh, Jesus, don't make it a racial thing.

[INDISTINCT, EXCITED CHATTER]

[ALL ARGUING]

Hello? Hi. Uh, Lucca Quinn?

Yes. I'm Rod Habercore.

I work with Barack and Michelle Obama.

Oh, yeah. I know who you are.

I saw you at Carl Reddick's funeral. Ah, good memory.

Uh, well, I'm sorry to intrude, but I've got a plane to catch.

Uh, I just wanted to ask you a question.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Uh, can I offer you, um... a water or... I have fig rolls.

No, thanks. How many months?

Oh. Uh, nine.

Thirty, um... eight.

He's in there. Ah.

So I know you'll be coming to DC in January, and, uh, I was hoping you would consider working with our offices as an adviser.

[OPENS DRAWER]

TOY: ♪ If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands

♪ If you're happy and you know it clap your hands...

Interesting ringtone. Oh, no.

[CHUCKLES] It's a... it's a toy. [SHUTS DRAWER]

[MUFFLED] I If you're happy and you know it...

[BANGS DESK] [SINGING STOPS]

Ah. Sorry if this seems out of the blue.

No, it's just there are so many things I don't understand about what is going on right now.

Join the club.

[CHUCKLES] Think about it.

We can use another good lawyer, and, uh, I know you're in high demand.

Nice meeting you.

Uh, Mr. Habercore? Did Colin Morrello send you to me?

Did he send me? No. [LAUGHS]

I just know a lot of people are after you, and, uh, we can't let the best ones get away.

Give me a call. Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

LIZ: They're gonna take the offer.

I don't know.

I think Emily is leaning, but Gretchen worries about more suits.

And what do we think about those two?

Well, Tom wants to drop the class action suit.

MAIA: And Jerry doesn't.

Do we think it's odd that they're pursuing this at all?

You mean because there's no money in it?

Yeah, I mean, Gretchen is hardly from a deep pocket.

Do you think it's a Gawker situation? They're trying to bankrupt it?

Yes, but who is the Peter Thiel? I mean, who is bankrolling this?

We want to keep fighting.

Alma, you know this isn't about our clients anymore.

This is about bigger interests. Your litigation financiers?

Yeah. If they were to drop future class actions in trade for taking down Assholes to Avoid, would your clients be open to that?

You should talk to them. This could get ugly really fast.

Your financiers would agree to it?

We'll talk to them.

[SIGHING]

Here we go.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Diane Lockhart, please.

[INTERCOM BEEPS]

RECEPTIONIST: Kurt McVeigh is here for you.

Could you send him back?

[EXHALING]

My guess is you've never thought of yourself as a traitor.

Is that a question? What do you think?

No, I have never thought of myself as a traitor.

I'm closing Assholes to Avoid, so, thanks a lot.

You're welcome. You know why this happened?

Because we were adding one of your litigation financiers to our list.

Jerry Warshofsky, assh*le to Avoid.

And you did his dirty work. You closed us down.

You know what your problem is? I don't have a problem.

Women aren't just one thing.

And you don't get to determine what we are.

Next time, hire a lawyer and do your list right.

You want me to come back?

Are you kidding?

I like seeing that side of you.

I like showing that side.

[SIGHS]

So where are we, Kurt?

I have my real answer.

[CLEARS THROAT] Am I gonna like it?

Maybe.

We haven't tried being married.

We've tried balancing career and marriage, and we can't.

But that's just because... Shh.

I'm getting a job with the FBI in Chicago.

It means not traveling. It means staying here.

I'm asking that you sell your apartment and we look together for a larger place, and then we move in permanently together.

We stop pretending that we can do this part-time.

And we live together until we die.

That's my proposal. What do you say?

I have to ask you one question.

What?

Did you vote for Tr*mp?

No.

Oh. [LAUGHS]

Oh.

[SNIFFLES]

I wrote in Ted Cruz. What?

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Okay.

Just... Yeah, yeah.

Okay. You got it?

You always tell me what to do.

Look... What's that?

Because it's me. Of course I'm gonna tell you what to do.

Who else is gonna? [LAUGHS]

[WHISPERING] Don't tell nobody. [LAUGHING]

Whoo!

Thank you.

I don't like to be moved.

And I am moved.

You know, in the hospital, I had a lot of time to think about family.

We are family.

Here, we take care of each other, we protect each other.

When we feel an ache...

...we all feel an ache.

Thank you.

It's good to be back.

[APPLAUSE]

[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]

Go on, get back to work, y'all. [LAUGHTER]

[DIANE AND AIKIDO STUDENTS GRUNTING]

[THUDDING]