Previously on Greek...
I hate to ask this, but I need a rent check.
For the house.
Of course.
Where's your car? I guess it got stolen.
What's going on? Call you tomorrow?
I don't know what I'm doing. I'm Fisher, the new hasher.
There's something you should know. I got fired from the last 3 sororities.
He said when he walked in he knew this was the place for him.
All in favor of Rusty's golden boy Andy?
I'm Jordan. I met a girl. She's beautiful.
Does she want to join ZBZ? This is Jordan.
The girl I was telling about. Where you going?
To make my move. Nice!
Did your girl ever show up?
Tough break. Man, I just met this awesome chick.
Chapter meeting. Three minutes.
That means adioso los pledge-os.
Come on. Let's go. Thanks for cleaning. There's plenty more.
Later.
Andylicious! My two favorite actives!
What are you guys up to?
We showed up early so we don't have to sit on the floor.
Dibs on the Comfy Duct Tape chair!
Yeah. He really loves the chair.
So, when's our next ZBZ mixer? I had a blast the other night.
I saw that. I saw that. It's great.
That girl I was telling you about. She said she knows you.
No. Not me.
Very doubtful. Really?
Damn, because man, I think I really like her.
I was hoping you could talk to her.
See if she likes me back.
Pledges out!
You better go, Andy.
We have a very full agenda tonight, so please, pipe down.
Thank you, Luigi.
My friends, once again we are heading into the heart-warmingest few days of the Greek calendar year.
It's Big/Little weekend, everybody!
You promise to guide and support him through every step of pledging.
You'll help him learn his Kappa Tau history.
You'll make sure they wear appropriate eye protection when we use them for the Paint Ball Target Practice.
You guys remember what happened last year.
Now each pledge has selected their first choice and two alternates.
So, let's do this!
For his Big Brother, Pledge Cue Ball has chosen, in order:
Wade, Beaver and Jeremy. Wade?
I'm already pledge educator, Cap. If I do do both...
You said Doo-doo.
You did say it. I pass.
I'll take him. Let me.
Sure you want to do that?
I'll pass.
Jeremy? You cool with Cue Ball? Done. Jeremy takes Cue Ball.
Up next.
Please don't pick me. Please don't pick me Andy has chosen Spitter, Beaver, and Ben Bennett.
This should be a no-brainer, right?
Sure. I'll take him.
Spitter takes Andylicious!
All right. Who's next?
We need new recycling bins. I ordered them yesterday.
You're amazing.
Hang on. I'm just gonna grab a snack.
It's me or we have been out of Fruity Spindles for like a month?
I wouldn't know. I don't eat those things.
Forgot they give you the toots.
No! No, they don't. That's Erica. I just don't eat them.
I love you, Ash.
But if you keep doing what you're doing some of the girls are really going to lose respect for you.
I'm not doing anything.
That's what I'm talking about. The pantry is totally empty.
We're down to Saltines, Ash. Saltines.
If that cupboard goes bare they will turn on you.
Hell hath no fury like a ZBZ jonesing for her Cheesaritos.
Right. Food! Got it. Thanks, Case. I'll look into it.
Just looking out for you. And as president, I recognize the problem and I am on top of it.
Thought we cancelled the Tri-Pi Grunge mixer.
Very funny.
I'll let that slide since you're loaning me your car. Thanks.
You wanna talk about what happened the other night?
Look, I'm sorry I dragged you into that, man.
And I'm sorry I've been such a jerk lately.
Yeah, man. Sorry isn't good enough.
First, you blow me off, then you call me to pick your ass up.
Who was she?
Just a girl I met in town a few weeks ago.
We started hooking up. What about Frannie?
You know, I mean it is about her, but it's not.
Mostly, Cal, it's just boring rich kid trust fund stuff you wouldn't understand or care about.
But fortunately my brother lands in half an hour at the airport.
If there's anyone in the world that will get it, it's him.
But, I do appreciate your concern and your car.
Thanks, little bro.
We're out of ketchup. What? We can't be.
It says right here we have a case. This is the last bottle.
It sounds like Rusty having an asthma att*ck.
We need to order more tissues to make bouquets for the Brunch.
Seriously? We're out?
So, this Big/Little Brunch thing.
That's where you blindfold us and make us eat dog food, right?
Yeah, who told you?
This is the weekend you all find out who your Big Sister is.
OK. I don't get it. According to this inventory we should have 20 boxes of tissue in the store room.
There's nothing in there but spider webs and glitter pens.
I'll go check the garage. Thanks, Jordan.
When was the last time you did inventory?
I'm doing it now?
Wait. We don't have a garage.
This is the first inventory? What have you been doing?
I don't know.
Stuff.
You know, I know what the problem is. We live in a house full of thieves.
Between late-night treats and snacks for the walk to class, every girl here uses this pantry like their personal snack cart.
But who would take ketchup? Or tissues?
We're soon going to find out!
Cause as President, I'm going to take my master key and search every room until I find out. I don't know about that.
She's right.
If you go all Minority Report you'll lose every friend you have in the house.
OK! Then how about this?
The most important thing is that we find all the stuff.
How about I have an Amnesty Day?
Where anyone who finds something can drop it off no questions.
Like they do with orphans at the police station?
Exactly!
Just not as sad.
So, where is the garage?
Where's Dale? Finally had enough of the babes, blood and boobs that make up Art History?
He thought he saw Jesus' face in a pile of lawn clippings so he ran home to call the news.
I've always wondered what kind of people do that stuff.
Now I find out they're exactly like I imagined.
Andy picked me to be his big brother.
That's great. I know how much you like him.
Liked him?
The problem isn't whether or not I like him.
It's whether or not she likes him.
If I keep feeling the way I felt after seeing them make out the other night, I don't see myself being the best big brother to Andy.
Trust me, having to second-guess your big brother seriously sucks.
Problems with Bing?
You know what...
I promised that I'd never talk about Evan in front of you.
But, if I hadn't, I'd say he's really messed up right now.
Despite all of his screw-ups, he's still my big brother.
He's been there for me.
I have to be there for him any way I can.
If you can't make that same promise for Andy, you've got to find someone who can.
I stood up in front of the whole house and told them to take a chance on this guy.
If I say I'm not into him all of a sudden, Cappie and everybody else will think I'm a flake.
Maybe she's not even into him. And maybe he was just using his tongue to help her get popcorn out of her teeth.
Come on. A party kiss doesn't really count.
It doesn't? No way. You can't tell me you've never kissed a random guy at a party just for the fun of it.
I've not had that experience. You know what I mean.
These things happen and they're not a big deal.
But, if I were you, I would make sure before it cost me a great little brother.
Excuse me. Hey, Jordan.
And a really hot girlfriend.
Folks. Move it out. What do you want me to do?
Does your brother always give so little notice before he visits?
Sometimes he just shows up.
He's a great guy. You're gonna love him.
From all the things your mother's told me, I can't wait.
Prodigal son, squandered inheritance.
How often do you talk to my mother?
Mim and I have become text buddies.
And, you should know she only refers to Patrick as a... quote-unquote black sheep.
Well, Mim doesn't like my brother because he turned his back on her rules and her values, and had the nerve to do fine without them.
By the way, he goes just by B. Sheep these days.
He's got you in a good mood, which is great for me.
And it's good timing...
With Iota Kappa's application turned in to Pan Hellenic all I have to do is fill out this utilities deposit and...
I'm all yours.
Wait. You need another check?
What about the girls' dues? That went to the actual bills.
I didn't expect the phones and cable would be so high.
With all the food they eat, you think they'd bulk up and generate enough body heat to turn the furnace off.
Maybe we should get a personal trainer. Add that to the wish list.
Right. We're gonna go. We are moving.
Is that any way to say hi to your older brother?
What's up, buddy?
How you been? Good to see you.
You too, man.
Well, hello. Patrick Chambers.
Code name the Black Sheep.
Let's go, man.
All right.
Erica, wait. I thought you couldn't eat Fruity Spindles?
No questions asked on Amnesty Day. Thanks, Erica.
No problem.
Amnesty Day is a success. Barely.
This is small stuff! Where are the big ticket items?
Like the twenty pounds of jumbo shrimp we got for Big/Little shrimp cocktails.
If that does turn up in a closet, I say let it go.
Nobody is snacking on jumbo shrimp. Maybe it's Frannie and the Ickies!
I thought of them. I changed the codes to the locks.
There's no sign of any break in.
If it's not someone outside, I guess the next thing to do is start looking at the new girls who moved in this semester.
Or boys.
Art History's baffling to me.
Like, why are they called Pre-Raphaelites even though they came 200 years after Raphael?
Don't ask me. Every time Summerfield says Raphael, I immediately think Ralphie Wiggums from The Simpsons.
I love Ralph! "Me fail English?
"That's unpossible."
What did you think of the KT party the other night?
God. Can we please not talk about that?
I am so embarrassed.
Embarrassed? Why?
How sometimes at a party, you'll kiss somebody just for the fun of it?
Yeah, I mean, who hasn't?
I haven't. Ever.
Me too. But then at the mixer I had two drinks and like an idiot I kissed one of your pledges.
For all I know he's told your house what a slutty lush I am.
Not that I could deny it. I was a slushy.
He didn't say you were a slushy. So he was talking about it?
If he didn't say I was a slushy, it means he said something else.
What did he say?
Did he say we did it?
Because we did not do it! That lying dirt...
He didn't say you did.
Then what?
He said he likes you.
He did?
Oh, my God! That rules.
OK. What else did he say? Tell me everything.
Ash, I'm just saying.
In my house growing up if something went missing the first suspect was always the help.
He does have the codes to the locks. He's new to the house.
It's not a good idea to accuse someone of stealing because he's the new guy.
That's called reverse discrimination.
Or reverse sexism or reverse... something else we shouldn't do.
She's right, Becks. If he was a thief Ash would have heard about it when she checked his references.
You did check his references?
Kind of. You're joking, right?
What's the point of calling references if they're gonna do is lie about bogus reasons for f*ring him?
Fired?
The whole house doesn't have to know. Why was he fired?
Because he's so handsome.
He was sexually harassed and they didn't want to get sued.
But who told you that if you never talked to them?
He did!
What are you doing? Waiting for you to realize exactly how crazy that sounds.
The Beaver Bowl XXI! Beaver on Beaver. Beaver sh**t.
He scores right away! OK. Ball's back in play.
Other team Beaver setting up for a score.
Come on. Get over there!
Nice save.
So, Beav, since you were Andy's second choice, I was wondering if you'd be interested in taking him on as little brother.
I'd love to.
But I can't.
Because of Scooby.
Who's Scooby? Mickey "Scooby" Skubella.
One of the most promising pledges ever accept a bid from Kappa Tau.
He was smart, funny, a great athlete.
He was Beaver's first and unfortunately last little brother.
They were perfect for one another. In fact, they won or placed in every event during Greek Week.
Only to be disqualified by a horrific doping scandal.
He was on steroids? No. Actual dope.
Scooby was a reefer fiend.
A problem Beaver did not help him see the dangers of.
He told me he was a Rastafarian with cataracts!
After that, it went downhill for Scoobs. Dropped out of school.
Which is why, one day he hitched a ride from some guy selling speakers out of his van and was never seen again.
He was kidnapped? No, he went to Florida.
University of Florida? He worked at the airport.
That's beside the point. Why is that Beaver's fault?
I'd love to tell you, but you keep asking questions.
Sorry. The reason it's Beaver's fault, is he should be looking out for his little brother.
Oh, man.
I should go check on him. I'll be right back.
It hurts so bad, Cap.
I'm not gonna lie. You're still the best.
Thank you, sir.
Drink-Giver?
Give us more please. Be right back.
I'm glad your girlfriend didn't join us. I got a very strong... vibe of disapproval.
She's all right, though. She's OK.
That's a ringing endorsement. Mom likes her.
Then she's a keeper! Oh, my God.
Come on, I don't wanna talk about Frannie.
I wanna talk about you. OK. Good choice.
Patrick Chambers. Hit me.
You traded it all for a life of... sun, sand and surfboard rentals.
I gotta ask. Do you miss the family fold?
Are you happy to be free of the responsibilities of the power, and prestige and the money?
No to the power.
No to the prestige and the money was never the problem.
The problem was the ropes attached to the money.
But the thing I regret is not seeing more of you.
I'm glad you're here. I am too.
Chamber-Maid?
No way, what the hell are you doing here?
I live here, and I go to school here occasionally.
Oh, yeah, of course. What're you doing here?
Hanging out with my brother.
Have a seat.
Oh, no! Don't tell me you guys are on the outs.
What about all those summers together at Camp Kitchywawa?
Those lanyard classes mean nothing? That was a long time ago, Patrick.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
The last time I saw you two together you were covered in mud from head to toe.
The scavenger hunt with the traing bras. I've actually modified that into a very popular pledge prank. Good man.
That was one of my more inspired camp activity creations.
I wasn't the one who covered in mud. That's right.
We had to grease you up with mud because you got stuck sneaking into the trapdoor under the CIT Girls cabin.
Cap, have a seat, man. Let's get a beer.
I'll get another round.
All right. Good.
Good, good.
Cheers. Here we go. All right.
Here's to old times.
Natalie, thank you for taking the time to come over.
I'm sure as President you're busy with your own Gamma Psi Big/Little preparations so we'll keep this short.
Not at all. I love coming to the ZBZ house.
It's so pretty. Thanks.
What we really want to talk to you about is Fisher.
He was the best hasher Gamma Psi ever had.
Polite, thorough, efficient...
Sounds like you really had the hots for him.
We were very satisfied with his performance, yes.
When you say performance, do you mean in the kitchen or the bedroom?
Excuse me?
What she means is did he do any other work for you?
He just worked in our kitchen.
Until things disappeared.
Then we canned him.
But you never pressed charges? Oh, no. We had no solid proof.
Well, that settles it. Thank you so much, Natalie.
Like, I said, we had no solid proof, but I'm happy to say since we let Fisher go, every piece of food in our house has been left untouched.
We know that's saying a lot at the Gamma Psi house.
What is going on with you? I'm sorry, but she is obviously a sexual predator. She can't even say the word sex.
I'm not going to ruin an innocent guy's reputation based on the word of some Gamma Psi.
Especially a guy you have a crush on.
Fisher is an employee of the Zeta Beta Zeta house and I am its President.
And as its President, I am required to make decisions that speak for each of my sisters.
It is my belief as President that my sisters would prefer to treat our employees with fairness and decency.
And I do not have a crush on him!
She totally has a crush on him.
I'm fine! No. You know my rule.
If the drinks are on you, then the drunks are on me.
I'm not drunk. This place just has too many stairs.
That's right. We'll get those removed.
Thanks for helping me with him.
Are you kidding? It was good to see him again.
Right.
I should go. I got that Big/Little party tomorrow...
You should try to start those sober. I should try.
I'll see you. OK.
Have a safe flight back. Later, Cappie!
For a second there I thought you guys were going to kiss.
I can't believe Cappie and I spent two hours together and no one threw a punch. I knew we forgot something.
No. Sit on bed.
I need to talk to you. It's about a girl.
Definitely break up with her. She's just like mom.
It's borderline oedipal. No, it's not about Frannie.
I guess it's a little bit about Frannie.
I've been cheating on her.
With a townie that I met in a bar.
She doesn't know my real name because I don't want her to.
The other night, I parked my car a few blocks away so she wouldn't see that I had money and it was stolen.
That's what God made insurance for, right?
Look, ever since I took my trust...
Ever since I signed my life away to the Chambers International, I've become this person.
I buy my way out of everything. I treat my friends like crap.
You'll get used to it.
Look at Dad.
I don't want to be like Dad.
When I was sitting in the bar I was thinking I should just chuck it all away and move to Costa Rica with you.
Bad idea.
Why?
Because without you here, I'd never find a sympathetic ear.
Why would you need sympathy?
Grow up, Ev.
It's a cold world out there.
When the fire goes out, it's nice to know someone with a match.
Thank you.
How much do you need?
Not that much. Just some getting by money.
How much?
Fifty grand.
Large coffee. Black.
It's a myth that caffeine helps a hangover.
Nice sales pitch.
Why don't you try pushing the croissant?
I hate my job.
So, Joni.
What do you do for fun? Besides debunking caffeine myths and lighting up this world with that glorious smile?
OK, forget it.
I'll get his.
Everyone else is getting some. Why not you?
I'll have one large cappuccino, please.
You know I had a dream last night.
We were hanging out at Dobler's and you weren't an ass.
Did you know how to say thank you in your dream?
Still an ass.
And an idiot.
I was really looking forward to seeing Patrick.
I thought that we had this brother telepathy thing.
He'd know when I really needed him.
First of all, I think you have to be twins for that telepathy thing to work.
And second, I think you've got the wrong big brother.
Why's that?
Because as much as I enjoy hanging out with Patrick, he's never done anything without having something in it for him.
Even the Training Bra Scavenger Hunt was just a ruse to divert you long enough so he could score with Tammy Summers.
The Camp President?
Who told you that? She did.
She had the softest lips.
Drunk guy's friend. Your order's up.
He's not my friend. He's not my friend.
First rule of avoiding disappointment...
Lower your expectations.
Another k*ller party.
Rock and roll! A little birdie told me you had a talk with Jordan about me.
I just said you liked her and we spent the next hour deciding whether she should slip a note under your door or text you.
Good choice.
Thanks.
Nice.
Pledge Cue Ball!
For the next hour, feel the bonds of brotherhood your new big brother...
Who is it? Who is it?
We have to talk.
Look how nervous the pledges are. That's hilarious.
That was us last year. I love being an active.
Nobody chose you for big brother, right?
Don't rub it in.
I was a couple guy's second choice and some thirds too.
How'do you like to be somebody's number one?
Wait, who?
Pledge Andylicious!
For the next hour enjoy the physical bond of brotherhood your new Big Brother... Wait!
I'm a righty.
Come here.
Seriously? Who?
Who is it?
Is he here now?
Just tell me later.
Three more sh*ts please.
You got it. This is the best way to handle this?
Absolutely. It's the only way to save Ashleigh from herself.
Until she can admit her crush on Fisher she won't see it's getting in the way of her responsibilities to the house.
And believe me, a drunk Ashleigh, is an honest Ashleigh.
I can't believe you wanted to do sh*ts.
Usually, you're such a fuddy-duddy drinker.
That's pretty honest.
To Ashleigh! To me!
I'm so drunk.
She really is. Believe me, I would know!
Did you steal that shirt from Blues Clues?
We want to ask you about Fisher.
Can you believe that girl Natalie?
What a slaggy-slag-slag.
No. She's horrible.
She is horrible. That's a good point.
You're sure you don't have a crush on Fisher?
Scout's honor.
But ask me if we're doing it.
So, when does ZBZ do Big/Little?
Tomorrow. We're having a Brunch. Go, go, go!
I don't think it'll be as fun as this. I'm sure you'll have a cool Big Sis.
She is cool. It's Rusty's sister, Casey.
This Rusty?
That's awesome!
Rock and roll.
Spitter and Andy.
You have completed your mandatory hour of bondage...
Bonding. I mean.
We do not need those rumors around campus again.
Congratulations.
The night is yours to bask in the glow of fraternal impossibilitment.
Sorry, I stayed out later last night than I should have.
Enjoy.
Congratulations.
I'm going for a hamburger. You guys good?
I better hold off. I've got early practice tomorrow.
I'm so happy you brought me here.
What do I do next? Your my Big Bro, Right?
How are your Beer Pong skills?
Terrible. I suck at it.
Follow me, Little Bro!
The key to Beer Pong is you have to practice the fundamentals.
Remember Andy...
Keep that elbow in and hold the follow through.
Is this a normal KT thing? A true Kappa Tau must learn how to compete on every level of sobriety.
Follow through.
Set 'em up. One more match. I'll play left handed.
Come on, Andy.
You're OK.
I think you're the best Presidents that ZBZ has ever had.
Unfortunately, if you want to stay one, you have to fire Fisher.
Why?
But I really like him.
You guys have no idea what it's like to go through college without a boyfriend.
I mean, you went from... from Cappie to Evan to Max.
And then you went from... from Evan to Cappie to...
If she says Max I will cut you.
I just don't... get why I should have to give up this boyfriend if we don't have any proof.
She's right. We need proof.
I totally agree.
OK, then this is what we do.
You text Fisher.
Tell him there's groceries that need to be put away.
Then if all the food is there in the morning...
We'll know he isn't the thief. That's a great plan.
I love it!
I love it.
Let's get your phone out. Can you get it?
Nice.
Down. Yeah, F. Under F.
Press it.
Come on. Typey-typey.
What if he is the thief?
Then at least you'll know.
And we'll help you find somebody better.
Why am I the only one who's drunk?
This is it.
I guess.
You gonna make me beg for it? No. I wouldn't do that to you.
I need you to answer one question. Yes, I stole your toothbrush.
Would you tell me to stay the course if you didn't need me to be your bank?
Why does everything have to come with strings attached?
There's no strings. It's a question.
You'd enjoy living in a foreign country working your ass off to pay rent?
Do you think I would? What does it matter?
Your my big brother and you should want what's best for me.
And help me when I really don't know what to do.
People got to look out for themselves.
It's not personal. It's just life.
That's it?
Come on.
You've really got to relax.
Why don't you come visit some weekend?
Seriously! Get yourself a tan.
Thanks, little brother.
Sorry.
If Fisher is a criminal, would you guys hate me if I kept seeing him?
Be smart. Like Anne Hathaway.
I'd keep dating him.
You would not.
I wouldn't leave him alone with my purse, but come on? He's hot.
Touch him and I'll cut you even faster than she would.
Freeze!
Dude. You're busted, Fisher!
Wait, wait!
You know him?
He's Fisher's roommate.
And he's a thief.
Coming up.
Is it a miracle or a smelly old pile of compost?
Meet a local CRU student who claims he found Jesus in a pile of grass clippings.
After the break!
Did you learn nothing from the Scooby story?
I didn't mean for him to get that drunk.
He's just really bad at Beer Pong.
I guess I got a little carried away.
Anyone can become a Big Brother.
It's how you act afterwards that defines you.
I didn't really want to be his Big Brother?
Why not? Because of the girl? No. What girl?
Sit down.
Sit down.
You think I'm blind? If there's anyone who understands how a girl can change the way you feel about a friend...
It's your Big Brother. Mostly because of your big sister.
Good god this campus is incestuous.
He hooked up with her before I could even tell her I liked her.
They're all into each other and I want to puke around them.
I was going to ask Ben to be his Big Brother, but I was too late for that, too.
Why'd you say yes in the first place?
I fought so hard convincing you to let him in the house, I felt like if I changed my mind, you'd question my judgment as an active.
That was stupid.
Ben can be Andy's big brother?
I'm afraid not. That's the thing about responsibility.
Once you take it on, there's no getting out of it.
I can't believe out of all the people on campus, you're the one teaching me about responsibility.
And apparently, a little something about irony.
Andy. There you are.
Come on, buddy. You got football practice. 20 minutes.
I thought you would feel that way. I wasn't sure what you would need more.
A little jolt of caffeine?
Or electrolyte replacement?
What do you think?
Come on.
Come on.
Let's go.
Rise and shine.
Come on, buddy.
Come on.
Open those eyes!
This is unpossible.
Are you, OK? A little hangover-induced vertigo.
It'll pass. I hope.
Sorry.
Next time we'll go easier on the truth sh*ts.
Are you kidding? I'd do a hundred sh*ts to find out Fisher wasn't the thief.
How did he take the news?
He felt terrible.
He also promises never to get a roommate off of Craigslist.
Of course, you know as his employer, you still have to keep your relationship a secret.
A secret boyfriend is better than no boyfriend, right?
Right.
You OK with that, Fisher?
Anything for Ashleigh.
Great.
I've been trying to get a hold of you all night. Where've you been?
Saying goodbye to my brother.
Turns out he didn't come here for the fun He just wanted to ask me for some emergency cash.
I think your mom was right.
You're a better person than your brother.
What's this? This?
I guess this is your emergency cash.
Plus a little extra for that personal trainer.
That is so not fair, Evan.
I'm surprised you and Patrick didn't hit it off.
You have so much in common.
You offered to help me with the house. This was your idea.
You know I'm not Patrick.
Do I?
Let's go.
What the hell are you doing here?
Checking in on you. That's what big brothers do.
All right.
Is that our boy? Yep.
Well done.
Well done.
This might not be as hard as I thought.
It's not Andy's fault that Jordan likes him instead of me.
Look at him. Any guy that can make it to football practice after losing four straight sets of Beer Pong has probably got a good amount of Kappa Tau in him.
At least he used to.
You want to get breakfast?
Sure. Pumpkin pancakes?
You love those.
Ohio special? Yeah, sounds good.