Previously...
Welcome to Titan Towers Apartments. Thanks.
I'll admit I was taking aback when you add two gentlemen roommates, but these two look responsible.
Not to mention, charming.
I'll call you later?
Who was she? A girl I met in town a few weeks ago. Started hooking up. What about Frannie?
I'm Jordan. I just transferred here. I don't know anyone. Not a soul.
I met a girl. She's beautiful.
And funny. That's great, Russ.
She want to join us?
I'm a little nervous about the whole sorority thing.
I don't usually make friends with these kind of girls.
Or, really any girls.
Ashleigh told me that ZBZ is gonna offer me a snap bid.
I don't know what that is, but it means they want me.
Thank you so much.
Where're you going? To make my move!
Nice!
He hooked up with her, before I could even tell her I liked her.
So now, they're all into each other and just makes me want to puke when I'm around them.
Zeta Beta Strong and true.
Our sisterhood awaits us. To all our sisters We love you forever we'll be Zetas
Now, don't forget, tomorrow night is big sis, little sis bonding at Dobler's.
And right now, we're about to watch Dancing With The Stars in the TV room.
Stay if you can. Bridget baked her famous Hello Dollies.
So have fun, be strong and go forth in Zeta love.
Little sis.
You up for some Carrie Ann Inaba?
I would love some of whatever that is, but I gotta take off.
But we'll see you at Dobler's, right?
We've got some bonding to do. You bet.
I grabbed you one of the last Dollies.
It's like girls've never had sugar before.
Tell me they're not like that in meetings.
They're really trying.
Excited, enthusiastic, eager.
That is, all of them except for Jordan. She didn't even stay for cookies.
Maybe she wanted to avoid the clawing and scratching for food.
I don't think she's happy here.
It just seems like she's not really connecting.
You don't think she's gonna de-pledge, do you?
Jordan just needs some big sister love.
Read 'em and weep, boys.
A pair of fours.
Meet Queen Elizabeth, and Queen Latifah.
Nice play, Andylicious.
I'm gonna get something to drown down the bitter taste of defeat.
Anybody want anything? I'll take one.
Let your big brother give some advice.
Poker night's about letting the brothers win, so they don't have to haze you to feel superior.
I thought hazing was to bond us as a group.
That's just what they tell you.
You're the best big brother a guy could have.
What's the buy in?
Chick alert.
This is kind of a guy thing.
There's a lot of scratching and cursing and objectifying of women.
I don't blush easy.
Will $50 cover it?
We play for pretzel sticks.
I'm sorry. I thought this was a fraternity.
Pony up, gents. It's too early in the evening to get emasculated.
Guys, I would love to take your money, but I have to run.
What? I thought you had the rest of the night free.
Come on, stick around. I promise I'll go easy on you.
You know, I would. But I totally forgot, I need to defibrillate this transpolymer orgasmitroid.
Man, science sounds hard.
And kind of dirty.
Don't forget about the scavenger hunt tomorrow.
All right, Miss Moneypants, what are we playing?
Seven Card Stud. Low card brings in first bet Ante up, girls.
Girls?
She just called us girls. Nice to meet you. Welcome to our house.
Dollar a pretzel. Dollar pretzels.
Got any plans for the weekend?
I've spent so much time at the KT house lately, I thought I'd just hang around here. Log some me time.
Can I join?
I could use a couple nights off from Omega Chi. And from Evan.
Unless by "me time," you meant...
Of course you can hang out.
What is that?
I'm making a valance for the kitchen window.
What's a valance? For a gay guy, you are so ignorant about the basics of home decor.
It's a window treatment. Since when did you become so domestic?
This is our home. And since neither of us have wives yet, somebody's got to keep it feeling that way.
It's been great out hanging with you two in the fifties, but I gotta go to the gym.
Later. Bye.
Good morning. Good morning.
Those are the two guys that live here and I'm sure they'd be happy to buy anything you're selling.
I was hoping I'd run into you. Mind if I show your apartment?
It says welcome on that mat for a reason.
Great.
As you can see, the living room has plenty of natural light.
Very airy.
Something smells delicious.
Just a little something I threw in the slow cooker for dinner.
Dale is an excellent example of the type of tenants we attract here at Titan Towers.
Let me show you the bedrooms.
Man, you are good. At what?
At being a model tenant.
I just try to lead by example. Like Jesus.
This is really gonna tie the whole room together.
You up for some spontaneous big sis, little sis bonding?
I was just about to go for a run.
You wanna come with?
I would, but these heels aren't Easy Spirits.
Right.
We could hang out here. Perfect!
Cute!
You can tell so much about a person by room.
I love your whole color palette.
Sorry about your roommate.
That's my side of the room.
I love your aesthetic.
It's really...
Spartan.
This is for you!
Open it.
His name is Mr. Purrs-A-Lot.
He's a cherished ZBZ heirloom that's been passed down from big sis to little sis once way back in 1994.
And now he's yours. You didn't give him Rebbeca?
She's... allergic.
Anyway, I know stuffed animals are goofy and silly.
But Mr. Purrs-A-Lot represents the lasting bonds of ZBZ sisterhood.
I mean, just think of all the women who have held this kitty.
Crazy, right?
I guess what I'm saying is Mr. Purrs-A-Lot shows us we're a part of something larger than ourselves.
That we're just a thread in the fabric of ZBZ.
And that fabric is exactly what we need to keep us warm when we're cold and lonely.
All that from a stuffed cat?
Thanks.
Of course!
We're sisters!
Good, you're alone. You never know these days.
The I-Kap/Omega Chi mixer's tonight. I need to call Dobler's to reserve some tables ASAP.
What?
I cheated on you?
In fact, I drove her to your house, and now you want to talk about a mixer?
I'm sure you have your reasons why you did... who you did.
But that's irrelevant now.
I said when we got together that I liked Evan and I liked Chambers.
Evan's hooking up with someone else. That just leaves Chambers.
So you don't want to break up?
I don't need your money.
The house is self-sufficient now.
But, last semester you promised that you'd help me, I'm not about to give up everything I worked so hard for just because you slept with someone else.
I still need your social standing.
Look, not to sound too callous, but why should I care what you need?
How long do you think the Omega Chis could keep their repas as the best fraternity when their president's cruising the mean streets of Cyprus with some piece of local talent in a USV.
Not to mention how your parents would feel about your love interest and that fact that you lost your $200,000 car.
I'm your protective cover, you're my social security.
Perfect relationship.
It sounds like a business arrangement.
You really are like my mother. I'll take that as a yes.
And a compliment.
I'm gonna reserve the tables for the mixer.
Take that!
You watching football? I DVR the Viewall week so I can watch 'em back-to-back.
I just love it when Hasselbeck serves them supper.
When are you going to the store? We're out of milk.
Just put it on the list. I'm ordering groceries online, now.
It feels so good to be free of check-out lines.
Just like this burden off of me.
How are your purity pledge brothers?
You still hang out with those guys?
Haven't seen 'em since last semester.
When was the last time you go out? What?
When did you last go outside? Besides just for classes.
Couple weeks ago.
I think it was raining.
Maybe I watched a movie where it rained. I don't know.
We don't know anything about this girl.
Since Jordan didn't go through rush, we're just starting to get to know her.
And she's getting to know us.
It's like she's a foreign exchange student.
They start weird, and then they turn into the most popular kid in school.
Trust me, your subscription is safe.
As much as I'd love to stay and discuss, I'm late for class.
Those girls are descended from Spanish royalty.
Excuse me for being culturally polite.
Fran-Fran, you still don't get it.
It's not about pedigree, it's about the bonds of sisterhood.
Since when?
Since you left.
In fact, just today I passed down Mr. Purrs-A-Lot to one of the most unique pledges.
Unique?
Is that code for homely?
It's always been about being the best.
And the I-Kap house is just that.
First, everyone calls it "icky."
And second, I'm not going to be drawn into a competition over who's the best. We're over that.
Spoken like a number two.
Check that out!
Mr. Purrs-A-Lot?
Nice bonds of sisterhood.
You're working. I'll come back.
Stay! Whoever said the U.S. doesn't t*rture hasn't graded 80 papers on cement elasticity.
I guess that's the price you pay for getting your PHD.
It's the price I pay here at CRU.
This is a teaching school.
Cal-Tech is a research school.
If I were there, I'd be working on next-gen thermoplastics.
That sucks. Are you having second thoughts?
I love it here. There's this awesome Ohio weather.
And the Cartwrights.
What's going on with you? I need your help.
I'm afraid Dale has, unfortunately, become a shut-in.
He hasn't left the apartment in two weeks.
He's driving me crazy.
I want a little personal space. Did he do this last year?
Last year he was always coming and going.
He would lieve the room for classes and meal and showers.
I know. I'll check my RA binder.
Bed bugs, internet addiction...
Here it is... shut-in.
What does it say? Don't be passive agressive.
Playing loud music or being obnoxious won't solve anything.
Just sit the person down and talk to them directly.
Looks like I'm having an intervention.
Can I come? Please?
You wanted to see me, Casey?
I'm hoping you can explain this.
My God! I am so sorry.
I have this guy friend who's a Kappa Tau pledge.
They were doing a scavenger hunt and needed something with sorority letters, but I did not know this would happen.
Fraternity pledges can be cool. Jordan, don't worry about it.
I think we can get the tape off with minimal fur damage.
Great. But, I think we've got a bigger problem.
You don't seem like you're really enjoying pledging.
I guess I don't feel like I'm really fitting in here.
I grew up with three brothers.
The only girlfriends I had were on my softball team, and they all went to Smith, if you know what I mean.
I guess I'm not used to being around so much... pink.
And I know I stick out like a sore thumb.
When you say "fit in," do you mean? We can fix that!
You can? Makeover!
Haven't you ever seen a sorority movie? We're really good at this.
You realize I'm not a pledge anymore.
Right. Listen, what are you doing tonight?
'Cause I'm in the mood to go out and get hammered, courtesy of Chambers International.
I already sort of have plans, man.
Why don't you hang out with Frannie? Or your other girlfriend.
Because guy's night sounds better. What are you gonna do?
Hang out at Rusty's house.
Why do you waste so much time on that loser?
Come on, that was a joke!
I misread my audience. Forget I said anything.
Let's go run up a huge bar tab somewhere.
No, thanks. I think I'm gonna hang out with my loser friend.
Which is something I probably should've done in the first place.
What's going on?
We need to talk.
We're worried about you.
I'm worried that Reed Richards and Sue Storm will break up and that'll be the end of Fantastic Four but I didn't stage a meeting.
Rusty's concerned you haven't left the apartment.
We just want to find out why.
Are you avoiding something out there?
Vegans and Coldplay fans. See, you are avoiding the question about avoiding. What do you care?
Because you have no life. And right now, it is affecting my life.
I got no life?
Allright, I just made my seven-hundredth friend on Facebook.com.
So who's the big winner today?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm boiling these mason jars for my apple butter.
I think it's time to get passive aggressive.
You guys are such a cute couple.
Isn't he the greatest?
I think I am going to call it a night.
He's got an early tee time.
And don't worry, I left the tab open.
Bye.
This is Dobler's. It's kind of like our Peach Pit.
How do you have a conversation in these shoes?
All I can think about is the pain.
Soon it'll turn into a dull throb and you'll hardly notice.
There's the g*ng.
You look amazing. And your hair.
It looks professionally done, right?
My God!
You're... so feminine!
Thanks? I need a lemon drop.
Anyone want anything? Can I get a light draft?
You... can't.
OK, fine, I'll try a lemon drop.
No, I mean because you're a pledge.
I have a fake ID. It's fine.
See, pledges can't drink at ZBZ-sponsored events.
I'm sorry.
Gotcha.
Who's up for a fun ice breaker?
How about we go around in the circle and tell our most embarrassing moment?
However will you choose?
You guys get started.
I'm gonna hit the ladies' room.
You want me to come?
I think I've got it.
Looks like somebody drank the sorority Kool-Aid.
More like the Pepto.
These girls are sharing their most embarrassing moments.
I don't think they want to know that having to wear this outfit is mine.
Come to the house with us.
Tango & Cashis on cable.
I love that movie.
Let me guess. A lemon drop? You're such a creature of habit.
And you're such a creature.
How cute, all your little pledges are bonding in ways that'll surely last a lifetime.
It's all so sincere and heartwarming.
We'd be doing but the Omega Chis won't stop hitting on them.
They're also drinking, which is a Pan-Hellenic violation.
But you're not a real sorority, so...
I guess losing to a fake sorority would look pretty bad for you guys.
All right, Frannie. You want a face off so bad, let's do it.
Name your game.
Perhaps the real sorority should chose.
Fine. Let's... have a karaoke contest. You're on.
Don't get cocky. I've heard you sing in the shower, Sanjaya.
Looks like it's one of your pledges who's been drinking.
For your information, she's not drunk. She's athletic.
I'm sorry, but I'm gonna go.
I just don't think that ZBZ's the place for me.
I really appreciate everything you've done.
Thanks.
I think I know what song you should sing.
Another One Bites the Dust.
Excuse me. For the whole bar, can you put the next two rounds on Evan Chambers' tab? Got it.
Dale? If you've been in this apartment for the past two weeks, you've missed church.
What is God gonna think about that? No, man. It's cool.
I do my spiritual workout online. Cyber-church, can you believe that?
He works in wondrous ways.
Anyway, you heading over to the KT house?
I'm just gonna hang out here all day in the apartment.
Maybe have a few friends over.
Wait! Could be Sheila. Hold on!
Free p*rn!
We came as soon as we heard.
Actually, Cap, our cable box isn't getting free adult channels.
Is this some vicious prank?
I needed a bunch of brothers over here fast.
Adult video bat signal. All right. What's going on?
I'm in the middle of this infomercial here.
If I order the Chip & Chop in the next five minutes, I get two for $19.99.
Let Beaver have the remote. He's our guest.
Thank you.
Who knew mimes were so strong?
Dale hasn't left the apartment in two weeks.
We need to drive him out.
Operation Annoy the Boy.
I think we can handle that.
Where you been? We had the scavenger hunt yesterday.
Last night was Ampersand Movie Marathon.
Turner & Hooch, Tango & Cash, Thelma & Louise.
You love that movie. Are you OK?
It'll be great when I get some personal space.
All right, boys, Rusty said to make ourselves at home!
Which it appears you already are, so let's just keep up the good work.
Let's do it!
I can't find the p*rn.
There's no p*rn. You don't even have Skinemax.
I know what you're doing.
If you don't like it, you can always leave the apartment.
Puffy paint! Why didn't you wait for me?
I have too much nervous energy. I had to do something with my hands.
Is this about the karaoke contest? Don't worry, Case.
Once I sing And I Am Telling You, those b*tches don't have a chance.
Actually, I'm upset about Jordan de-pledging.
I was really upset, too.
I'm bummed because isn't the new, improved, post-Frannie ZBZ supposed to be about inclusion?
We have all these different girls, girls we never would've normally rushed.
We even have a Wiccan...
I think.
But we can't be everything for everyone.
I know, but Jordan's my little sister, my pledge, and Rusty's crush.
Plus, she's a really cool girl and I don't want to give up on her.
I mean, I kept Rebecca in the house last year.
And she hated me.
That's why she stayed in the house. She loved torturing you.
She found sisterhood later. I don't understand.
How could Jordan love her high school softball team, but not love us?
I'm sure we smell better.
That's it!
What? Jordan needs deodorant?
Where are you going? Karaoke's canceled.
Who wants nachos?
Get in there, fellas. Plenty for everybody.
Come on, use a napkin. Sorry, Mr. D.
Calvin? When did you get here?
I honestly can't remember.
Chew with mouth closed. These aren't seafood nachos.
Look, you guys are getting weak on me. You have to turn it up.
He made nachos. That's like Kappa Tau Kryptonite.
This was clearly the wrong tactic.
I'll try something else.
You guys have been here for 12 hours. You can leave.
Save room for cowboy cookies and ice-cold milk!
I don't think we can.
Pig in a blanket?
I'll be in my room.
Please tell me you're from UPS.
I'm here to see Frannie?
I'm expecting my gin of the week delivery.
Best gift I ever gave myself. Come on in.
You got company!
Let me guess, you're selling cookies?
I want to change the competition.
You heard one of our made it all the way to Hollywood on American Idol. Sorry. We're not changing it.
But Frannie, I thought you could b*at us in anything.
I'll tell you what. We'll even let your housemother play.
She's charming. She is. The girls love her.
What did you have in mind?
What happened out here?
Cookies are done!
Rusty? Rusty what time is it?
7:59.
Don't answer the door!
Tenants we attract here at...
Could you just wait outside one sec?
That's great. Thanks.
What's going on here?
Inside voices. Disregard him.
I can explain this whole mess.
We just woke up. We don't know these guys.
They broke in. They're squatters.
Dale, more nachos, please.
There's been a misunderstanding.
And
I'm late for class. See you guys.
You violated your contract. Well, not...
Where's Ms. Cartwright? She is...
Doctor's office. ... volunteering at a shelter.
Then you'll have someplace to stay.
You have 24 hours to move out.
Remember, any stains on the furniture come out of your deposit.
You gonna move back in the KT house? I don't know what I'm gonna do.
None of this would've happened if you hadn't invited them over.
This would've happened if you had a life.
That's a lot harder than it sounds.
What are you talking about? We lived in the dorms, there were always people around. In the dining hall, in the TV lounge, even the bathroom.
You know how I feel about urinal chat.
I'm wel aware...
Now we moved off campus, that built-in social network is gone.
And it's kind of hard to meet new people.
Did you try joining a club?
I'm not a joiner. I'm a starter.
What exactly are you starting here in this apartment?
I'm starting to get annoyed right now.
I'll admit, I've been avoiding my problems by staying here.
But what's your excuse? What are you talking about?
This is the most time you've spent here in weeks, I would know, I haven't left.
Fine. I'm avoiding something too. What is it?
It's not important.
You're avoiding the question about avoiding.
The important thing is we both need to get out there and face the music.
Evicicted? Seriously? After a month?
We can explain.
Explain to my credit rating. Do you know what an eviction does?
Me and Rusty are hiding out for a while. Maybe if you came by more often...
What're you hiding from? Not important.
Something at the KT house. Look at him.
I try to get it out of him.
I think we need to work together.
Stop. We have to deal with Sheila.
Just make it right for her. We need to... offer her something she wants.
What do you guys got on your mind?
Do I have to? She likes you best.
I get all nervous when I talk to her.
It's just because she's in a position of power.
I think it's her breasts. Just keep looking in her eyes.
What is this...?
What can I do for you?
I was just wondering if there were any apartments available in the building that are vacant?
The staff here at the Titan Towers doesn't find you worthwhile tenants.
I know, but I think you got the wrong impression.
I'm not a fraternity guy. I don't drink or smoke.
Look, I took a purity pledge. I'm saving myself for marriage.
Really?
I did not know that.
Women should be cherished and... respected, like a... like a bottle of fine wine.
What you saw at the apartment this morning, that's not...
Tell me more about those women and wine.
You know, you wouldn't want to pop the cork from the bottle as soon as you buy it, right?
Of course not.
You got to let it age and ripen, until it's just right.
And when it's ready, you take out your corkscrew and... you just make it...
pop.
Dale, I find you... intoxicating.
Do you?
I really do.
It'd be a shame if I had to move out of the building and we couldn't... hang out.
Lucky for both of us, a unit just opened up.
Is it a pretty big unit?
I'm sure it's plenty big.
Jordan, can we talk?
Look.
I know. You've de-pledged.
I got that message loud and clear.
But until I turn in your drop form into Pan-Hellenic, you're still my little sis.
And I need your help. What's going on?
Look, when I gave you Mr. Purrs-A-Lot, I left out a small part of our ZBZ family history.
You have an evil grand-big-sis named Frannie.
Really? Why is she evil?
It's a nature versus nurture discussion we just don't have time for.
All you need to know is she broke away from ZBZ and started a rival sorority.
She also started dating my ex-boyfriend.
This is after she broke us up. In fact, she even...
Anyway, she's challenged ZBZ to a contest, and we need to kick her ass.
Why do you need me?
You said you played softball.
I'm assuming you've got an arm on you.
You need me to play softball? Nope. Too civilized.
I need you to play dodgeball.
I don't think this is a good idea, Case.
I had to take off my jewelry and I'm feeling really naked.
We're gonna be fine. We got Jordan.
I loveve this.
I finally get to throw things at you without looking like the bad person.
No ringers.
You poached her from the hockey team. She has lesbian all over her.
She's not a lesbian and she's not a ringer.
She's our pledge. She was your pledge.
I still am a pledge. And trust me.
The only time I'll appreciate your ass is when I kick it.
That's your grand-big sis.
Let's crush her.
Remember, if the other team hits you below the neck you're out.
If you catch the ball, then your opponent is out.
The team still standing at the end wins.
Ready...
They allowed to throw hard?
OK, so maybe dodgeball isn't our best sport.
This shouldn't take long. Good. I have to pee.
Go throw it at them!
Throw!
Nice.
Beth, throw this ball as hard and fast as you can.
I don't want to hurt them.
If you do it, I'll boy you frozen yogurt.
Can I get mine in a waffle cone? You bet.
You be ready. Let's go!
That's not bad.
Son of a bitch!
ZBZ has three players left. IKI's down to five.
ZBZ, with just two players left.
Awesome!
Nice, Casey.
ZBZ with a catch.
IKI down to three players Come on.
We're down to our final four. Last team standing wins.
Beth, take Casey out.
I'll try not to make it hurt too much.
Before you throw it, I think your ball has a leak.
Can I see it?
Sure.
Beth, don't!
Nice one.
Sorry, Beth, you're out.
Bye, Casey! Bye, new girl!
IKI down to one player.
May I?
Take her out.
That's a catch.
We won!
Casey, I told you we'd win...
The winner is Zeta Beta Zeta!
That was awesome!
See, Jordan, there's a place for you at ZBZ.
We're not just girly-girls.
We like to spend a Sunday kicking ass before we watch the game at Dobler's.
I didn't know you guys were football fans.
Really, we just watch the guys that watch the game, but...
You do? I'm just here for moral support.
Who is that? Enquiring minds want to know.
That is Andy, a KT pledge I'm dating.
You're dating Rusty's little brother?
Last week, he took me to the Olive Garden.
It is so hard to flirt around endless breadsticks.
You totally like him.
Come in.
Let me guess, you're here to discuss the Winter Semi-Formal?
What happened?
Now, you want to discuss this?
Why'd you cheat on me?
Why'd you bring her to the house?
Were you trying to hurt me?
A little.
It can really make you crazy when you doubt whether the people close to you really care about you.
You wouldn't understand. Why, because I don't have a trust fund?
You used me to make Casey jealous.
We both started this relationship as a business arrangement, back at spring break. I know what my motives were.
Yours, I still don't get.
Why do you care so much about being a Chambers?
This isn't exactly Victorian England.
You wouldn't understand. Well, try me.
When my mother was younger, she could've married anyone she wanted.
She's beautiful, like me.
Old money family in Virginia.
Then one night she meets this handsome, aspiring musician from New York.
My grandparents disapprove and give her an ultimatum.
She can have her inheritance or my dad.
And in this grand romantic gesture, she chose him.
She didn't care he was broke. She loved him.
Until he took the show on the road, and we never saw him again.
I didn't know that.
I didn't want you to.
I always thought she was stupid to give all that up for something as unreliable as love.
But maybe she was right.
Do you like her?
The girl in the car?
Honestly? I hardly even know her.
Last year, when you cheated on Casey, I told her to ignore it. Remember?
To just find a way to make it right for herself, to stay with you for all the advantages you could give her.
Nice.
It's a lot easier to give that advice than to take it.
It wasn't all opportunity, you know.
Us.
I know.
I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Me, too.
You gonna be OK?
I'm gonna be OK.
The I-Kaps could use you in our corner though.
We are the hottest girls on campus.
You should really work on that confidence problem.
I'll add it to my self-improvement list.
Good luck, Evan.
Spitter's back.
You need a place to crash till you find a new apartment?
That's OK. Dale got us a new apartment.
And I think he got himself a girlfriend.
Impressive for a shut-in.
Is it one of those prison pen-pal type things?
It's our apartment complex manager.
Trust me, it's weirder than it sounds.
So does this mean no more nachos?
No more nachos.
And no more avoiding uncomfortable situations.
I'm sorry, I lost you after nachos.
I've been avoiding coming over to the house.
Watching Andy and Jordan together is physically painful.
It's kinda like watching Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Kinda.
I know that feeling well.
It's t*rture, watching the girl of your dreams on the arm of some other guy.
I just wish I could accept it and stop hoping for things to change.
You've always got to have hope.
I'm going in. Wish me luck.
There's my big bro!
Rusty, where have you been? I've missed you.
Nowhere important.
What's new with you guys?