02x17 - Guilty Treasures

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Greek". Series Complete 2007-2011.*
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Series follows a group of students as they experience the college life.
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02x17 - Guilty Treasures

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously...

Where's your car? I think it got stolen.

Dude, what's going on? I'll call you tomorrow?

I don't know what I'm doing.

You're dating Rusty's little brother.

I go to the wedding. I keep my feelings in check.

Then I can stop worrying about doing something stupid.

Like how you feel? Exactly.

We shouldn't be doing this. I'm dating Andy.

I know... No, I have to go.

This is Robin Wylie, my big sis.

Bride-to-be has to kiss a girl.

Robin's gay.

Maybe I could give you a call? I'd like that.

Are you sure you're OK with what Max did?

What Max did was kinda overwhelming.

I'm sorry about you giving up Caltech.

I didn't want to lose you. We're supposed to be a couple.

Travel together down a shared path.

You're so far ahead, I don't even see you anymore.

What now, then? Slow down for a while?

Let me catch up?

Is this Comic-Con?

Funny and beautiful.

Dr. Magda Stephanopoulos is here.

She's a super-scientist.

Like a bipedal Stephen Hawking in pumps.

That's why the crowd? She's recruiting for an open spot on her project research team at Oxford.

Is that why you're here? It's grad students only.

I'm doing work study for Dr. Broom. Max's advisor?

Do you know where Max is? He's not in his office.

He put him in a storage closet. Room 108.

We call it... The broom closet?

That's so much better.

That way?

Wow. This is... cozy.

It's really nice.

It's good. I've been... grading some papers on low-grade polymers.

They're good, too.

You wanna grab lunch? I have to finish grading these.

And... these too.

Let me help you b*at this guy. Jump in.

I'm late for a team dinner as it is.

And we win it. Thank you very much.

You win a week of toilet duty, pledge. Enjoy.

Congratulations on the Wisconsin game Saturday.

Thank you. I'll bet Jordan was really excited.

Assuming you've seen her since you got back.

I saw her last night. Awesome.

I actually wanted to ask you about that wedding?

You do? Jordan... She's acting really strange.

And kind of distant. I know you guys went to the wedding together.

Did anything happen that would make her act so weird?

She...

She had the swordfish. Stop!

Get back here!

Stop running! Stop!

What the hell was that?

I was sleeping off a big burrito...

A bookcase fell. I woke up.

Some Omega Chi pledge...

... tried stealing a trophy. I chased him.

Can you make oxygen?

OK. He must have snuck in through a basement window.

Pledge Andylicious, secure the window. I got it.

Stealing trophies... So unoriginal.

What about the door to the secret scary place?

Anyone know about this?

Let's see how far it goes.

That's what she said. Good one.

Let's move this.

"Property of Cyprus-Rhodes Biology Department, 1952."

Thanks Joe. Say hi to your mother for me.

Gentlemen, we are looking at the fruits of Kappa Tau thievery.

We stole all this stuff? Was that the night we drank absinthe?

Actually, we didn't do this. Our KT alumni did.

You see, once upon a fraternity, this house was full of kleptos.

That's people who steal things. I know.

What's an alumni?

According to Egyptian Joe, our old brothers would steal any campus item they could get their sticky fingers on.

I think those are the original hands stolen from the CRU clock tower in 1982.

And this is the silver protractor awarded to Psi-Phi for their number one GPA, ten years straight.

Dorks. No way.

This guy is the Omega Chi founder.

We got their founder. Are you kidding me?

What if that Omega Chi pledge saw it and he tells someone?

Good point.

He didn't see anything.

Trust me. Maybe we should come clean anyway. If someone messed with something of mine, I'd rather they tell me and deal with it straight on than hear it from someone else.

I'd probably thank 'em. Boring. I say we keep it.

I think we should return it. I think my burrito gave me gas.

While I think we all appreciate this verbal game of wits, I think we're ignoring one important fact here.

I saw swords down there.

Let me take you on a real date. Like in public?

Just the two of us?

Nice clothes... dinner... dancing.

Although, I couldn't imagine you any more beautiful dressed up than you already are. But still...

I think it might be too risky.

For the president of the sorority? What are they gonna do? Revolt?

You have no idea.

I have to show them that I, too, must play by the rules.

What rule is that? Thou shall not get in thy hasher's pants?

Thank God. We've been stuck in here for over an hour.

Is the tornado drill over?

Robin's phone number?

Are you two friends or something?

Not sure.

About Friday...

Should I schedule that special delivery?

I think it's best if we stick to our usual delivery schedule.

How was your weekend?

We were at the wedding together, remember?

Right.

I'm stupid.

Andy's my little bro, and I never, ever should've kissed you.

It's OK. I mean, I kissed you back.

But the most important thing right now is my relationship with Andy.

He's a good guy.

We have a lot of fun together. I need to give it a chance.

Of course you do.

Can we rewind and go back to friends?

Absolutely. Friends again.

We'll pretend like it never happened. Like what never happened?

That...

Listen, that noise in class? That was just my shoe.

You know?

Real swords make the best sound!

What was that? Echo.

Definitely an echo. No, it's the door!

Quick! Human shield!

It's the Abercrombie lady.

We're all set on twill shorts, but thanks.

We want our bust. Come on. Give it up.

"Our bust."

Too easy. Pass.

Our pledge saw it. What pledge?

The one who was in here.

Too bad I didn't hit him with a paddle. We do this to each other's pledges?

I know you have our founder's bust.

Snooty-looking bronze dude? Looks like he's floggin' the dolphin?

Haven't seen it. We'll give you 24 hours to return it, or we'll come and take it. You're welcome to try.

Not that we have it.

Nice sword.

The Archeology Department's been missing a pair.

Kinda like you.

Twenty-four hours.

I guess that kid saw more than I thought?

Really, Beav? We need to get this stuff outta here right now.

He said we had 24 hours.

I'm worried about a police raid in 24 minutes Chambers called the cops at the Gatsby party and he can do it again.

Why don't we just give him the bust back?

I got it. We'll sneak everything back to its owners, so no one can prove we had it.

Didn't I just say that? Except for Omega Chi's bust, Which we'll throw in the Cyprus River out of childish spite.

And we'll drink while we do it!

Sorry I'm late.

Let me guess... Cement emergency.

Cement, cement.

But there are rewarding parts, too, right?

Absolutely. Of course.

It's Weird Science. Weird can be fun, though.

It's Weird Science.

Let's go to Dobler's. I've never seen it on the big screen.

Since we've been going out, you've watched it three times that I know of.

Do you know how many times I've tried to make a real woman out of a doll?

Come on... This movie is what made me want to get into science.

I thought that was Kevlar? That's just what I tell people.

It goes down easier than Kelly Le Brock.

You picked our last Friday night.

Sandwiched between two trips to Dobler's.

Because Dobler's is fun. The first ten times.

And how many times have we gone to the dinosaur museum?

Come on... How times have I waited while you tried on clothes?

I drive us everywhere. I gave up grad school for you.

That was a joke.

We'll go to Dobler's.

He can bus my table any day.

Stop that. So go on a date with him.

What's the big deal?

Can't like this idea of sneaking.

Travis was the only other guy I ever seriously dated, and with him, I'd see him for like a weekend and then he'd be gone.

And... What happens if regular dating is boring?

You're really into this secret hook-up thing.

Is this about Fisher?

Becks knows.

Calvin was just giving me advice.

'Cause he and Heath used to sneak around last year.

That's right. You're gay!

According to my gentleman friends.

How did secret-dating Cappie work?

Secret sex spies was the best. We did it in the library, my car, your car, church...

So what happened? We went out and everything fell apart.

See? Can you explain that to Fisher?

You're never gonna know unless you try.

Look, my advice is just take baby steps.

Or... split the difference.

Go on a real date, but someplace where no one else will recognize you.

I know the perfect place!

About that shipment...

I'm just trying to understand why you said it.

I'm sorry.

I don't know where that remark came from.

Can we please move on?

I just really hate to see you unhappy.

I'm happy with you.

I'm still in my general field at a top-notch university.

I have everything I need.

I saw your face when Dr. Broom dumped those papers on your desk.

It's the same face you get when you talk about the Mars Polar Lander crash.

She would have been fine if they'd uploaded a software patch...

Wait. What about that solar panel thing Dr. Stephanopoulos is doing?

You know about that? You're the smartest guy in your class.

You should introduce yourself. It's not about being the smartest.

Without a recommendation from my advisor, I won't get face-time with Stephanopoulos.

And in case you haven't noticed, Dr. Broom isn't exactly a fan of mine.

But, it's worth a sh*t.

I'd have to move to Oxford for a month.

This is your dream.

And joking or not, I can't live with "I gave up grad school for you."

I'm worried we'll never get past this.

Maybe leaving for a month will be good for both of us.

All right.

I'll try.

Now, can we go see Weird Science?

Jeremy, this goes to the Track and Field Building.

Stay sharp.

Jeremy, wait.

Keep it down. Like scissors.

You never finished telling me about the wedding.

Really? Jordan won't even talk about it.

I know, in wedding things happen, so she must be embarrassed about this.

She didn't do anything she should be embarrassed about.

But, something did happen.

Look, Rus, just tell me. All right? I'd rather break up with her now than keep imaging these wild scenarios in my head. They're driving me nuts.

She didn't do anything.

I did.

I kissed her.

What?

You said things happen. Not with my big brother.

I mean a kiss, it's the least wildest scenario.

So, where does my big brother and my girlfriend kissing rank?

Is it cool? Kind of OK? All in the family?

Let me explain... No. I don't want to hear it.

So stupid.

Jordan, hi, it's Rusty.

You need to call me...

I forgot my jacket. Bye, Uncle Jordan.

So, how'd it go with your advisor?

Dr. Broom won't give me a rec. What is his problem?

I'm smarter than him. You didn't tell him that, did you?

And I'm always very polite when I correct him.

Can you talk to Dr. Stephanopoulos? Not without a recommendation.

There's a reception tonight, and she and her team leave tomorrow morning.

Thank you. No problem.

Let's go to the reception? Dr. Broom didn't want a bunch of grade students burying her under a mountain of resumes.

So... you need an invitation? Yeah. But, the reception is at Broom's house. If he sees me there I'm dead.

I was trying to save your relationship.

Andy knew you were hiding something.

So...

Hear me out. I was trying to save...

Open up, Rus. It's Uncle Jordan.

I cannot believe you told him. No, hear me out.

Andy knew you were hiding something. I was trying to save your relationship.

So you confessed? You confessed, Rusty?

You never confess!

Don't you watch 48 Hours? You deny, deny, deny!

I'm a bad liar. Look, I just came here to tell you to stay out of it.

I will.

I promise.

I'll never say your name around Andy again.

Even if he's with you, I'll just say, "Hey, you."

Look...

Rusty, I think you and I together is just a bad idea.

And maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore.

We can still be friends.

I think it'd be better if we weren't.

I'm sorry.

Hi. Hey, Casey, you're here.

It's like you felt my pain by psychic connection.

We are a true brother and sister.

I'm here for Dale. What's wrong with you?

I kissed Jordan.

And now Andy and Jordan hate me.

Way to go, Sienna Miller. Did Jordan tell him?

I told him.

OK, that was selfish. Telling the truth is selfish?

When you do it to make yourself feel better, yes.

OK, that was selfish.

Now, two of my friends hate me. So, what do I do?

Give them space and...

Let them figure it out. Andy and I are Kappa Tau.

That's a bond stronger than high carbon steel.

I kissed her.

I need to make things right.

Hey, Rus. Miss Cartwright.

Dale, I think you have some...

... lipstick.

Little warning would have been nice. I was on a date with Sheila.

The landlady?

What, are you trying for a townhouse? No, she's my girl now.

Or, woman, I should say. She's very mature.

Congratulations. Thanks.

So, you volunteer in Dr. Broom's office, right?

Yeah, I'm on a roll lately. Personally. Professionally.

Are you going to Dr. Broom's reception for Stephanopoulos?

Who do you think's in charge of the guest list?

And decorations.

I gotta say, even though the Guggenheim is Frank Lloyd Wright's most recognized work, My personal favorite is Graycliff.

That's really interesting.

You didn't call me to talk about my major, did you?

I had an...

... encounter recently.

With a member of the same sex.

A close encounter?

Yeah, and...

I was wondering... When I knew I was gay?

Well, I was eight years old.

And, I saw Marky Mark on TV in his boxers.

I'd always fantasized about being part of the Funky Bunch.

Last weekend, I kissed a girl.

And I liked it.

Does that make me a lesbian? No.

It just means you can write a crappy pop song.

I just wish there was a way to know for sure, you know?

Like a pregnancy test, but for gayness.

I'll tell you what, I'm gonna take you someplace where you'll be around the gays, OK?

You can see how you feel. Sure?

So, where does one go to meet lesbians?

Well, since it's not lacrosse season, how about Gentlemen's Choice? It's ladies' night.

Fine.

It's a date.

Hey, I need to talk to you.

Big brother to little brother.

I'd rather not.

Status check. Operation: Booty Free. Where are we?

All accounted for. No one's been caught and/or injured.

Great. Our mission's almost complete. Only a few more items to return.

Boys?

Are you all right? We're super.

OK. Let's see.

Wade. I have a pair of disco balls that belong in Gentlemen's Choice.

I have no idea which one. And, a gramophone.

Did we track the owner on that. Beav's on that.

And a football from the CRU's 1964 appearance in the Porcelain Bowl.

Your familiarity with this department makes you the perfect candidate, Andylicious.

I don't really feel like it, if that's OK?

Of course it's OK. You're still gonna do it.

I'll go with him.

For athletic support.

Interesting. Go with stealth. And should you get caught.

This conversation never happened.

Fine. Wade, show me what we got.

I found these in the park. They say, "Property of Gentlemen's Choice." Not ours. Try the other one.

But this one has lesbians.

Yes. And a bouncer.

This is an interesting choice for a first date.

But look at all the perks. You can check out all the eye candy.

And they have signature gay drinks.

How about a h*m*-jito?

Did you think dating me was going to be boring for some reason?

What? No, I definitely don't think you're boring.

We're just going slow. Actually, we're not going anywhere.

Except a lesbian bar.

When I first met you, I kinda imagined us doing the whole going out thing.

I imagined you naked.

You see? You're funny and gorgeous and it would suck...

... just to be your...

... fun boy-toy.

So, I'm gonna take off.

Fisher, wait!

Don't tell me this is your perfect place for Fisher?

I thought I could take him in a fun place, where there are no Zeta Betas.

And since no one in the house is a lesbian...

Rebecca? What are you doing here?

I kissed Robin. I kissed her once, too.

Really?

And didn't it make you wonder?

Wonder what?

I can't believe we're crashing.

You're crashing. I'm Dale's plus-one. We're gonna sneak you in.

Duck!

That's Stephanopoulos with Broom.

OK, here's the plan.

You're gonna use your super powers of blending into walls to avoid Broom, while I sell Stephanopoulos on my super-talented boyfriend.

Case, that sounds a little half-baked. Hello? I'm ZBZ rush chair.

My superpower is reading women and their wardrobes and knowing everything about them, which tells me exactly how to get what I want.

Kind of like Emma Frost.

Totally.

Now, Dr. Stephanopoulos is wearing earth tones, so she's down to earth.

Her Via Spiga shoes scream an appreciation for high-quality function over fashion.

So, she's friendly and accessible, but no-nonsense when it comes to her work.

That's a good thing? It's perfect.

A little girl chat and then I hit her with your resume, "Pick Max, he's a genius." Done.

And why would she take a recommendation from an English major?

No offense.

Because...

I'm...

Dr. Cartwright.

Whose plan's half-baked now?

Shall we? OK, You go in the back and sneak in and I'll meet you inside.

Could we not tell Sheila about this? She gets really possessive.

Andy, come on.

Just listen to me. We are brothers.

And brothers work out their problems by being honest.

If brothers were honest, they wouldn't be screwing with brother's girlfriends.

You're right.

Talking is not gonna cut it.

Do you wanna hit me? I'm not gonna hit you.

Please, hit me. Would you stop?

You're like a can of soda in a paint mixer.

A can filled with carbonated resentment...

Would you shut up?

Run!

It can't go out like that.

They said if you don't send out some food now they're not paying us.

Do they want their chicken cooked? Because it's still pink.

How pink? Chicken keeps cooking after it's off the grill, right?


Absolutely. I'm gonna hit the head.

What are you...? You're scuffing your slacks. Let's go.

So, this is what I have to look forward to?

Yeah. Isn't it awesome?

Chicken? You really don't want to eat that.

Dale's distracting Broom. Perfect.

I love your home, sir. Yes, me too, Dale.

I could talk about it all night.

Would you like to? OK, you hide and I'll find her.

When I take your resume in my purse, come quick so I can introduce you.

Got it. OK, hide.

Right now we've got the highest molecular weight polyethylene that's ever been synthesized.

God, I envy you. You're doing all this ground-breaking work, and here I am stuck in low-grade polymers.

Sorry. Dr. Magda Stephanopoulos? Dr. Cartwright.

So, I know about the opening on your team, and I have a great student for you.

Let me guess? That's his resume you're pulling out?

I've heard it all before.

Is that Runway Diva Extraordinaire?

The company told me it's on back-order for two months.

They told me that, too, but I pulled some strings and they shipped me some free samples. Excuse me a sec.

Why'd you wave me off? Because my first read was wrong.

She doesn't want the best, she wants what she can't have.

How do you know?

She has the new Runway Diva Extraordinaire.

Miss J. can't get any and they named the lipstick after him.

So kissing Robin was pretty great?

Not like it was with Fisher.

It was to get a reaction out of these guys.

It could have been anyone. Guy, girl, mannequin.

When I did it... It gave me a reaction.

It's crazy! You see yourself in a certain way and then this thing happens that feels out of your control, but in a good way, and you're like, wait a minute.

That's how I feel with Fisher. That's how I'd feel with Fisher, too.

You know what?

I do have feelings for Robin.

And I'm gonna call her! I can already see you two married.

In Connecticut or Massachusetts. And she isn't hung up on Casey, so that'll never come between us like with me and Cappie.

I thought you and Cappie broke up because you went public?

I lied.

It was a much less humiliating excuse.

But now that I'm into girls, I don't care.

That girl has Fisher's haircut.

Come on.

Mr. Cappie?

You can take him. He can start his 50 hours community service next week.

Thank you, Officer.

Kids these days... I blame video games.

GTA is the devil.

Where's Andy?

Coach bailed him out. How was it with Huck?

Don't worry, I told him I found the ball and that I was acting on my own.

Good boy. I'd hate to have to rename you Snitcher.

Let's get outta here.

I'm OK.

Anyway, what are you drinking there? White wine.

Yeah. That was my Grandma's favorite.

She was an angry drunk, though.

You're going to give me that resume, now?

Actually, I was just told I couldn't. I could get in a lot of trouble.

For recommending a student? Well, he's not any student.

He is kind of Dr. Broom's prized mentee.

He interned at NASA, patented a hangover cure in his free time.

He even had a full ride to Caltech, but Dr. Broom begged him to stay.

That's some student.

I think his brain is half bionic.

But, promise you won't say anything to him, right?

I'm trying for tenure, and I could get in a lot of trouble for even talking about Max Tyler.

My lips are sealed. Thank you so much for understanding.

Go talk to Dr. Broom.

What? I can't. He'll kick me out.

I haven't even talked to her yet! Just go.

Casey... Trust me. Go!

There's someone.

Mr. Tyler? You're not supposed to be here.

No, sir. Then, why are you?

And how did you get in? And...

When did my gramophone come back? When do gramophones go out of style?

Mr. Tyler, your place is in the lab where you can be utilized and not seen.

Now, you need to leave.

Chicken, sir?

Take two, sir. They're very good.

I'd like to meet that student.

Trust me, he's not for you.

I'll be the judge of that.

So, some good news...

I got my car back. Yeah, I saw. Congrats.

Hey, we're about to go on a little mission to Kappa Tau.

Get our bust back. Wanna come?

You gonna bring a bat this time?

I'm gonna bring enough guys so that Cappie knows I mean business.

See? You just can't do anything for fun anymore.

You just take it to the worst possible place.

Come on. This is just about getting back what's ours...

Really? I don't remember you buying a keg just before our pledge photo last year.

Which proves my point. I'm making it more fun.

Evan, it was fun.

With squirt g*ns and stink bombs.

Why do you always have to go to extremes?

Buying a keg is an extreme?

OK, two kegs. But, I promise, I'm not going down that path...

I've heard this, like, 20 times before. All right?

I mean, first it was taunting Casey and then breaking Rusty's nose.

And then, rubbing a townie in Frannie's face.

Well, isolated incidents.

OK, boys. Pound those beers. Let's go. Yeah!

You didn't get it.

No, I got it. Shut up. She loves you. I knew it!

Actually, I think the deciding factor was...

She thinks you have a crush on me and it'll annoy you when I leave tomorrow.

For a month.

Yeah.

You're leaving.

Yeah.

You're really leaving.

Elias Van Patton has inhabited our sacred home for far too long.

But, before we show Elias to his watery grave, has anyone seen Wade?

No? Well...

I can't wait to see the look on their faces...

Evan, you're early.

We were just taking out some laundry. Do you have any delicates you need done?

Give us it or we're taking it.

Where? Home.

Home where? To our house.

Where are you going with it? Well, not the Cyprus River.

Dammit did I just say that?

If you don't like it, we can just go right through you.

Evan, let it go. No, no, it's cool.

I come prepared.

Cease and desist, gentlemen.

There'll be no melee on my watch.

Mr. Cappie, I believe this belongs to you.

I took him returning stolen disco balls to a strip club that I sometimes...

... stake out.

Well, Evan and I were just convening a joint search party to find Wade, but you saved us the trouble. Thanks. Save it, Mr. Cappie.

I packed the beanbag g*n tonight.

There's alarms going off all over campus.

Years worth of missing stuff returned in one night.

We are at Defcon-2, people.

And since I've caught two Kappa Taus returning these items, I'm thinking it's not a coincidence.

I only need one witness to confirm this, and then I will be going to town on your ass.

That's what he said.

Beaver, not now. What happens then?

Search and seizure of the property. Indefinite shutdown of Kappa Tau, followed by disciplinary hearings, where I show up in my dress blues and see to it that every Kappa Tau is expelled.

Possession of stolen items violates CRU code.

I was down in their basement!

No, you weren't. What?

Yes, I was. No, you weren't. Actually, Officer...

Our pledge here has made a terrible mistake, and has spoken out of turn. He is wrong.

The Kappa Taus could be in big trouble.

If you know something... I don't.

But thanks for Wade.

If that's how you want it. All right, everybody skedaddle before I get righteous. All right. Let's go!

Ash, will you be here to sign for a shipment tomorrow?

Yeah, if that's what you want?

Yeah. We're out of sporks.

Everyone!

I have an announcement to make.

Fisher and I are dating. And we're in like.

We totally like each other.

And I'm a lesbian.

Yeah, we knew that, too.

Andylicious! You had us worried sick. Did you get in trouble?

Coach smoothed everything over for me.

See? I told you. It's college football.

Arrests are the new touchdowns. He didn't see it that way.

I've been late to team meals and curfews, partying way too much.

Look, I've been thinking a lot about my choices lately, and there's way too much on my plate. This whole fraternity thing.

It's not for me. Rusty had the same problem with Kappa Tau, and Polymer Science. He can help you balance the two.

I don't need any more help from Rusty, thank you.

OK what's going on? And don't tell me everything's super.

It doesn't matter, Cap...

It's a done deal.

Thanks for having me, man. It was fun.

You wanna tell me why your little brother just quit, Rus?

Because I kissed Jordan. Who?

Michael Jordan? Jordan Knight? Jordan Catalano?

Don't tell me that you kissed Andy's Jordan.

I wish I kissed Michael Jordan.

No, it was Andy's Jordan.

I liked her and I saw the opportunity...

... so I took it.

I thought you were better than that.

I'm really excited, Case.

It's just... It's one month.

I'll be back. Thank you.

What did Dr. Broom say about you leaving?

Nothing.

He apparently was...

... throwing up from food poisoning all night.

Strange.

So...

Watch out for soccer hooligans.

I will.

But don't call it soccer. It's football.

I know.

They'll kick your ass if you call it soccer.

I know. And...

I love you.

I know.

I love you.

Hey.

Bye, Max.

One month, pal.

Then we can play all the Blokus you can handle.

Here. Going away gift.

Mama Kettlewell's Preserves?

From Dale.

He says everyone can use a little K-Well Jelly on their biscuit.

And see if you can get me a tube of Dr. Stephanopoulos' lipstick.

Well this sucks.

You know...

Yeah, it really really does.
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