03x12 - Glazed and Confused

[bunniefuu]

You guys are gonna visit all these universities in a week? No, they're music schools.

Mm. Honey, we talked about this.

You're going to university. OK. Chill.

I thought I'd get my diploma in Electronic Music first.

If I can build a solid foundation for beats and mash-ups, I'll be unstoppable.

And she's got her whole senior year of high school to think about it.

Think I should shave my head? No!

Hello? Oh, that's Liam.

I'll get it, honey. Thanks.

(DOOR CLOSING)

Becca... Jules is taking birth control!

Of course she is. I took her to the doctor before Italy.

But she was in Italy with Liam.

Exactly.

Morning, Mr. Shade.

Ms. D'Orsay. Good morning, Liam.

What are we interrupting?

Nothing. I wouldn't exactly say that.

You should get going. You don't want to be late.

We'll talk about this later.

(STREET CAR BELL DINGING)

Hey...

Thanks.

(SIGHING HEAVILY) How're you holding up?

OK. I guess.

I don't have to go back to Seattle.

You have a case waiting for you.

Besides... that's where you live.

I just don't like to see you sad.

I'll be OK. Really.

It just came as such a shock.

So it is with a heavy heart that we gather here today, to honour the life of one who touched so many.

Some will call him a humanitarian, a man of vision, a great man.

But many more will simply call him friend.

Norman... Elias...

Glinski.

In the immortal words of Marcus Aurelius, "It is not death a man should fear, but he should fear not beginning to live."

I didn't know Glinski won the Albert Schweitzer Award for his charity work.

Maybe we underestimated him.

Or maybe he wrote his own eulogy.

♪ El malei rachamim ♪

♪ Shochein ♪

♪ Bam'romim... ♪ I know you always said Glinski could be a real pain in the butt sometimes, but now that he's gone... I might miss him.

A little. (SHADE CHUCKLING)

(MAN): Hey!

HEY! Hey!

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

Glinski?!

Sh! You're alive?

Obviously. Quite frankly, I thought there'd be a bigger turnout.

Quite frankly, I thought you were dead!

Keep your voice down. Technically, I am dead.

Nice touch with the pearls. Thank you. Wait.

What the hell is going on?

I wanna hire the two of you to find out who m*rder*d me.

♪ I see you and you see me ♪

♪ Watch you blowin' the lines when you're makin' a scene ♪

♪ Oh boy, you've got to know ♪

♪ What my head overlooks ♪

♪ The senses will show to my heart ♪

♪ When it's watching for lies 'cause you can't escape my ♪

♪ Private Eyes They're watching you ♪

♪ Private Eyes ♪

♪ They're watching you, watching you, watching you ♪

♪ Watching you ♪

(SHADE): All right, all clear.

(GLINSKI SIGHING) I'm so glad you decided to come to my funeral. I was counting on it.

So, talk.

Well, a couple of nights ago, I was leaving the restaurant down by the harbour. (SHADE): Uh-huh...

And... somebody took a sh*t at me.

Got me... right in the heart.

So... why aren't you dead? It's a miracle!

My little friend here... the b*llet lodged right there.

(SHADE CHUCKLING)

Couple of moments later, I picked myself up and I started running. And where was the sh**t at this point in time? On my tail. I got to my car, I sped off and a couple of blocks later, I dumped it in the lake.

What? I know. I loved that car.

No, I mean you faked your own death?

Well, I had to convince the sh**t that I was already dead. As opposed to going to the police? The police hate me!

They'd have dumped me on the street.

Sounds good to me right now. Hey...

What am I hearing, here? A little anger, no?

You're still grieving me, boy. (GRUNT)

You're not dead! I know!

And I want to keep it that way. I'm depending on you guys.

Right now, everybody thinks I'm drowned, and my body washed away.

But if you shut me out... you sign my death warrant.

OK, fine. Great.

Can you think of anyone who would want to k*ll you?

Yeah, I can think of a few names.

We can discuss it at the agency. At the agency?

Well, I have to stay somewhere. Don't you worry.

You won't even know I'm there. In the words of Thomas Aquinas, "There is nothing on this earth more valuable than true friendship."

Oh, God. I'm gonna sh**t him myself.

♪

Is it just me, or does he look way too comfortable?

All right, this'll do.

Now, hook me up with a TV remote and I'm good to go.

This isn't the Hyatt. And get your feet off my coffee table!

I can't. My sciaticas.

I made a... a list of a few of the suspects from my recent cases.

A few?!

There's gotta be 15 names on here.

People are so touchy these days.

I've got a better idea. Give me your flask.

What for?

Because ballistics might be able to match it to a w*apon.

That's what happens when you have a good relationship with the cops. Very funny.

All right. Now, get going.

I'm not paying you to stand around.

It's just birth control.

Aren't you being a little melodramatic?

Becca took her to the doctor six months ago.

Why didn't they just tell me? Gee, I have no idea.

Well, it's not like I didn't think this day would happen... eventually, I just didn't think that day was today. Don't you trust Jules?

Of course I do. Then what's the problem?

Oh. Hey, Danica. It's actually Detective Danica Powers.

It has quite a ring to it. Yeah!

But it's not official yet, so... I'm afraid it's no.

What's no?

Whatever favour it is you're about to ask me for.

I've worked my tush off for too long for a sh*t at getting detective, and I don't wanna screw it up now.

Well, she does have a point. But it was such a teeny-weeny favour.

How teeny-weeny?

I found this in my dad's junk. He was a cop too.

I always wondered if it came from his g*n.

I was gonna turn it into a pendant for... sentimental reasons. Could you just run it through ballistics, see if you get a ping?

You know, I totally would, Angie, it's just... with the promotion pending...

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. I mean, this is your moment. Thank you for understanding.

Your parents must be so proud.

I just wish my dad was still around to see what I've made of the agency, you know?

Oh, no... I hope he'd be proud, but...

I guess I'll never know. Oh, no, no, Angie.

Don't get upset again.

OK.

Not a word to anyone.

Wow. You frighten me sometimes.

So, what now? Now, we learn more than we ever wanted to know about Glinski.

First name on the list: Sheldon MacNamara.

If anyone had it in for Glinski, my money's on this guy.

Oh, I love crepes.

Actually, it's crêpes. You roll the R, the S is silent.

Ooh la la. There's our guy.

Sorry folks, line forms in the back.

We're not here for crêpes.

We're private investigators. We want to ask you a few questions about Norm Glinski.

We noticed that your wife recently hired Glinski to follow you.

Apparently there were some... Compromising photos.

Sure, I was an idiot. And I got caught.

Before that, you had a corner office in the Financial District. Big house in Rosedale.

Now you're flipping flapjacks. Actually, they're called crêpes.

And yes, I lost my marriage and my job... and both Teslas. All thanks to Glinski.

You must've really hated that guy.

Are you kidding me? Losing everything was the best thing that could've happened to me.

The day after everything blew up, I saw this food truck on Craig's List.

And now look at me: number one in the city.

So you're not mad at Glinski?

Hell, no.

If I'd stayed on Bay Street, I'd be fast tracking a coronary.

Now, I'm finally doing something I love.

Glinski didn't destroy my life.

He saved it.

Sorry, bud.

Well... crêpe.

So, who's next on the list?

Maureen Ferlo. Who wants to know?

Everett and Shade, private investigators.

And we're looking into the death of Norm Glinski.

Oh, I saw that on my news feed. Sad.

That's rather generous of you... considering your last interaction with him.

Apparently, you convinced a wealthy 90-year-old that you were his long lost niece? A girl's gotta pay her bills.

Except Glinski exposed your fraud.

There went your multi-million dollar inheritance.

No more mansions, no horses, no private helicopters... must've made you angry.

At first, but all of Glinski's poking around in my past made me curious. I was adopted.

Never knew my real family, so I sprung for a $25 online DNA test and ba-da-bing!

Turns out I have royal blood!

Sounds like another con.

This time, it's for real. You are looking at the 14th in line to the throne of Norway... who can't wait to put this stuff behind her.

(CAR ENGINE RUMBLING) Ooh!

Babe. We gotta jump if we're gonna make it to Ibiza by tonight.

Be right there! That's my new boyfriend. He's a model.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a private jet waiting.

(DISTANT MAN): Hey! Hey!

You can't park there! Hi, baby!

Mwah! (GIGGLING)

(SMOOTH ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

Is that... my Macallan?

I was saving that for a special occasion.

Here I am.

You know, you gotta update your internet package.

The streaming sucks. What are you streaming?

(WOMAN): Oh, that's good... Documentaries.

So how's my case coming?

15 names, 15 strikeouts. Yeah.

And thanks for telling us that number nine runs a sex dungeon.

Oh, yeah.

I could have sworn it'd be one of those people.

Who knew it'd be so hard to find someone who wants to k*ll you? Maybe Zoe will find something.

Zoe? Oh, I asked her to swing by my apartment, pick up some files and some fresh underwear. I mean, if I'm gonna stay here for a few... Hold on a second! You sent our assistant to your apartment when there are people trying to k*ll you? What are you worried about?

They think I'm already dead.

We don't know that for sure. (RINGING)

[Hey, Angie.] Hey, Zoe. Are you OK?

Yeah, I'm fine.

But I can't say the same for Glinski's place.

Someone's trashed it.

(ZOE): The place was a mess. Whoever did this took their time.

This has to do with my attempted m*rder.

You think?

"How do I love thee?" Never pegged you for a romantic.

Do you mind!

Alright. They hit your office too.

Whoever it is, they're pretty motivated.

Do you have any idea what they're looking for?

No.

Do you have any money in your office?

Only the first dollar I ever earned.

We framed it, put it over the sofa.

No, I spent it buying coffee last year.

And I'm gonna assume you don't have any jewellery or diamonds?

Well, except for my wedding ring. Don't need that anymore.

Yeah... Shirl.

After 30 years, decided she was done.

Walked in the middle of the night.

No, no, no.

I know what you're thinking.

Shirl would never, ever do anything like that.

What caused the break up?

It's complicated. Listen to me. Shirl got everything she wanted in the settlement.

The only thing she has left to take is my life insurance policy. So, she's the beneficiary?

I'm telling you, Shirl's alright. It's my fault.

She would never, ever harm me...

First thing tomorrow morning, we check it out.

Yeah. Speaking of ex-wives, I gotta go meet Becca.

But... If you need anything, call me.

If you ever decide to fish in the company pool, he's a catch.

Shade and I are partners, nothing more. We both know that.

Besides, I'm seeing someone. Yes, I know.

Texas Ethan Clarkson.

Now, there's a name on the dinner theatre marquee.

How did you know that?

I'm a PI, I can't help it. You went through my search history. Hey, Angie, he lives in Seattle.

Takes the question out of 'where is all this going?'

Stay out of it, Glinski. Hey, hey, hey.

No judgment from me. 30 years with Shirl down the tubes. As the great orator Horace said, "Seize the day, and put the least possible trust in tomorrow."

OK. Great. So, I'm going to bed.

Hmm! Goodnight.

Goodnight.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

♪

Hey, Dad.

Oh. Hey, Matt. Is Becca here?

Yeah, she's in there. I gotta get down to the diner.

Liam accidentally triggered the alarm when he was locking up. He's triggered more than that.

OK, then. I'll see you later.

Yeah.

Oh. Hey, Shadow.

You look tired. Same as I always look.

OK. You're freaked out because Jules is taking birth control.

She's 16. Yes.

I was 16 when I... you know.

It was this cute first year college student.

He drove this silver Camaro...

Alright. Spare me the details. How did this happen?

Look, I knew she was going to Italy.

I offered to take her to the doctor. She agreed.

And you didn't think to tell me?

Oh... I hate to break it to you, Shadow, but she's growing up. Next year, she's gonna be off to college. s*ab me in the heart already.

I know.

It's time for Jules to get out into the world.

And it wouldn't hurt if you got out into the world either.

What's that supposed to mean?

You go from the house to work and back again.

Hey, you know, I get it.

I was the same way 'til I met Steve.

So I love my job. Is that a crime?

I just think that you should do something for yourself.

You know, get away for a while.

No. Don't try to change the subject. We're not talking about me.

Sometimes, stepping away gives you a little... perspective on everything.

(SOFT MUSIC)

There she is.

Glinski's ex-wife. I saw her at the funeral.

Where to?

Actually, we were hoping to ask you a few questions.

Cops? Private investigators.

Oh, that's better. Well, I'm on the clock.

If you wanna chit chat, you can pay by the kilometre like everybody else.

Why didn't you tell me you were friends of Norm?

When I heard about the accident, I just couldn't believe it.

Oh, yeah. It was tragic.

Especially for him, a man who walked the mean streets.

Who lived a life of danger and adventure every day.

We are talking about Norm Glinski, right?

Nobody knew him like I did.

But I'll tell you, what I'll miss most is the sex.

Uh... Oh, the things that man could do!

I told him he ought to get a permit for carrying... Ugh.

A concealed w*apon. Oh, my God.

So, Shirl... why the divorce?

Something changed between us... we started fighting all the time.

Neither of us were happy.

I bet Glinski's insurance policy might make you a little happier. Oh, I don't care about that.

What's another 50 grand gonna do for me?

Just out of curiosity, where were you the night that he d*ed?

Oh, I had a special run to Niagara Falls.

I didn't get back until after the news broke.

That son of a bitch is ruining my mascara.

(INDISTINCT SPEAKING OVER RADIO) Oh, that's me.

I got a pick up at Pearson Airport.

Oh. Just, uh... drop us off here.

Thanks.

So, what'd you think?

She seemed pretty upset about Glinski's death.

I didn't get the impression she wanted to cash in his insurance policy. We need to figure out what that person was looking for in Glinski's apartment.

You think there's something he's not telling us?

Definitely.

(DIALLING)

(RINGING)

Hey, boss.

Sorry, I'm in your office. (DISTANT BUZZING)

Oh. Let me guess. Glinski? I have seen things I can't un-see. [Ew.]

Listen, Zoe, I need you to do me a favour.

When you get a chance, sneak a peek in those files you brought

[in for Glinski. We need to know if he's hiding anything.]

Copy that. Though it's hard to sneak when he's always here.

He even leaves the bathroom door open when he pees.

Oh, my God. Stay strong, Zoe.

Oh, wait. Also, a woman has been calling, asking questions about the agency. She won't tell me her name

[or what it's about. She seemed very nervous.]

That sounds like a sensitive matter.

Next time she calls, just tell her to drop by.

[Thanks!] Got it.

I ordered another cab. It's gonna be a while.

Huh. Well, I don't know if this day could get any worse.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

I think it just did.

Get in.

Let's go. Move.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(INDISTINCT SPEAKING)

(MAN): Wedding order's almost done.

(WOMAN): Alright, so how much time?

Alright, we've been patient long enough. How 'bout you tell us what the hell's going on? That would be up to the boss.

And does your boss have a name?

Ralph Duncan. They call me the Cake Boss.

Sweetie, remember, you can't say that due to pending discussion with our lawyers.

I thought we resolved that.

Unfortunately, it is ongoing. Are you kidding me?

I should be able to call myself that here, in the place where I work.

The agreed-upon name was Cake Viceroy!

Where's my ledger?

What ledger? Oh, don't be cute.

My accounting ledger. Wait a minute. Ralph Duncan of Bakeology, the national chain of bakeries?

Yeah, I own the company.

But the company's worth nothing if I don't get that ledger back!

We don't know anything about it.

Oh, yeah? So, why are you following up on all of Glinski's cases?

We're PIs, we're doing a favour for a friend.

What does Glinski have to do with this?

He did some accounting for us.

The ledger disappeared the night he d*ed.

So you're the ones who tossed his apartment.

I sent my guys there to see if they could find it, but somebody got there first.

Why would Glinski steal your ledger?

Go ahead. Tell 'em, Ralph.

Cat's out of the bag anyway. It's not just a ledger.

There's a secret code for our most famous cake recipe hidden amongst the figures.

Bakeology's Chocolate Fantasy. If someone gets a hold of that recipe, they can sink us within months.

I kept it right in there, under lock and key.

Never brought it out unless we were checking the books.

I always knew someone was gonna steal that recipe.

I just never suspected our accountant!

We'll keep an eye out for you. That's the best we can do.

No... no, I got a better idea.

You guys are PIs, right? You can find it for me.

Wait, we're much too... Oh, no. No. No disagreeing.

You now work for me.

Understood? No funny business.

You double-cross me, I will roll you in icing sugar and dip you in the deep fryer.

He will.

(TENSE MUSIC)

Why didn't you tell us you were doing work with a guy like Ralph Duncan? What do you mean "a guy like"?

He grabbed us off the street and threatened to turn us into crullers.

He bakes cakes, for God's sakes!

Listen, a few months ago, I heard that Ralph was looking for a new accountant. The PI business had dried up, so I fell back on my CPA training.

So you were cookin' the books. Who's cooking?!

It's all above-board. Did you take the ledger?

I took the ledger to my apartment to catch up on some work.

So you're not planning on selling the recipe?

No, I didn't even know it was there! Do you know of anyone who would want to steal the recipe? Well, yeah! Dozens.

Head of the line: Madison Swenson.

Who's that? She owns Snazzy Cakes.

That's Ralph's chief competitor. She's been trying to muscle in on his market share for months now.

Got her.

Entrepreneurial Talent Award winner three years in a row.

She's built a miniature empire acquiring other companies.

Apparently, she destroyed a mom-and-pop donut operation that refused to sell to her... strong-armed their suppliers to drive them out of business.

Would she know about the recipe? She's got spies everywhere.

Hold on.

These are baked goods we're talking about, right?

Chocolate Fantasy is Bakeology's best-selling product for the last 22 years. The recipe is worth millions.

Alright. I'll call Ralph, tell him what we got. Oh.

Uh, I have to take this.

That was Tex. Yeah, I got that. Thanks.

You're welcome.

Hey. How's the case going? [Oh, you know.]

You've seen one stolen bust, you've seen them all.

[How was the funeral?] Uh... different?

[OK. Gonna leave that alone.]

Hey, what would you say if I told you that everywhere I look, the city seems empty, and perhaps that emptiness is because you're not here?

I'd say you're don't quit your day job to become a poet.

(LAUGHING): [Tell you what.]

I'm gonna buy you a ticket. Open-ended.

No, Tex. Don't do that. Yeah. I'm doing it. It's done.

(TEXAS): [Use it if you want a break.] I'll think about it.

Good enough for me. Enjoy your case.

Thanks. See you. (BEEP)

Were you listening in?!

I'm a PI, I can't help it.

Besides, I had to confirm that a guy named Texas really existed.

Glinski, I swear to God...

Hey. I just got off the phone with Ralph. He told me he's hosting a gathering for the Pastry Trade Association at his house later today.

And Madison'll be there? He also told me she'd never miss an opportunity to s*ab him in the back.

Ahem.

Hey, so... Tex bought me a ticket to go visit him once this case is over.

OK.

So, why are you telling me?

Well, 'cause you're my partner, and you'd have to pick up the slack while I'm gone.

Right. OK.

That's cool. Cool.

(RINGING) Oh. Hey, Danica.

[What's up?] OK. I cannot talk long.

But you know the you-know-what

[that you gave me?] The b*llet?

[To give to you-know-who?] Ballistics?

The report came back, and it turns out it's not your dad's g*n.

Oh! You're kidding. Well, whose g*n is it from?

It's registered to a guy named Ralph Duncan.

Are you sure?

Yeah, that's what's coming up.

I'm sorry, Angie, I'm sorry I can't be of more help, OK?

Oh, you have been. (BEEP)

So, Ralph sh*t Glinski?

I don't buy it. And why would he use his own g*n?

He wouldn't. So, someone's setting him up.

Madison? Yeah.

I mean, think about it. She steals his recipe, then frames him for Glinski's m*rder.

Ralph goes to jail, no more competition.

Which means Madison's guilty of more than theft...

We're about to come face-to- face with a would-be m*rder*r.

(TENSE MUSIC)

Wow. If I would have known there was this kind of money in baking, I never would've skipped Home Ec.

OK, yeah, I would've.

(PIANO MUSIC)

Hey, you two.

Glad you decided to come.

I don't recall being given a choice.

That's Madison in the purple dress.

Don't be thrown by her looks. She's crafty.

Alright?

If Madison is behind this, how do we prove it?

Find the g*n. Maybe if we're lucky, her fingerprints will still be on it.

Wouldn't she have ditched it? Tossed it in the lake?

Too easy for Ralph to say it was stolen.

If I was her, I would have put it right back where I found it. You go talk to her, I'll go hunting. We'll rendezvous by the Bundt cakes.

I packed up my cakes and left. Let the orphans chew on that!

That's funny. Matt Shade?

Guilty as charged. What brings you here?

Opening another restaurant?

Actually, I am thinking about dipping my toe into the pastry world. Really?

Yeah. Just a few shops at first, But... I need a hook.

Something that'll guarantee the customers'll come in.

(CHUCKLING)

The recipe for Chocolate Fantasy?

I mean, you know it's a closely-guarded secret.

I also know someone took Ralph's ledger, and the coded recipe was inside.

I heard that rumour myself.

(FAST-PACED JAZZ MUSIC)

♪

Piece of cake.

Maybe we could talk in private?

So, who told you about the coded recipe? I've got a source on the inside.

If you're serious about this, I'm prepared to have my attorneys draw up the paperwork.

Sounds good to me. Not that I don't trust you, but I'm gonna need to see the recipe for myself.

Wait... I'm gonna do a few test bakes, make sure it's the real Chocolate Fantasy.

Hold on. I thought you had the recipe.

Are you kidding me?

If I had it, why would I need you?

I thought you needed my celebrity cachet?

Without that secret recipe, you're nobody's fantasy.

(BEEPING)

(BUZZING)

(BEEP) Hey.

[What do you got?] Madison's a bust. How about you?

Well, I found Ralph's g*n safe.

[Well, that's good.] Yeah, except it's empty.

So, whoever took Ralph's g*n still has it.

Or you were right and they ditched it in the lake.

Either way, we're back at square one.

Alright, meet me out front. Nothing more we can do here.

I didn't even get any cake. Check it out.

Ralph and Deena's cars. If you were gonna plant a g*n to frame me, where would you put it?

Oh, the big three: house, office... car.

Let's go check it out.

Cover me.

Shade... come here.

What've you got?

An origami crane. So?

Glinski had the exact same one.

"Let me count the ways."

It's a love poem. If you put the two together, it completes the phrase. "How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways."

What are you saying? Deena and Glinski?

To quote his ex-wife, Shirl, "the sex was amazing."

How much do you wanna bet that's Ralph's g*n?

You know what's amazing?

I think we just figured out who sh*t Glinski.

(FAST-PACED MUSIC)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...

The fridge door was broken when I got here...

You and Deena Duncan had an affair?!

Affair? What a tawdry word.

Really? 'Cause we found an origami crane in Deena's car, exactly like this one. Oh...

Well, let's just say we were two consenting adults who found comfort in each other's arms.

And in the hot tub and on the kitchen floor...

(BOTH): Oh, God! Stop! Stop! STOP!

I wish you would have told us before we spent the last two days chasing our tail.

And what has this got to do with my case?

Because an origami crane wasn't the only thing we discovered.

That's... Ralph Duncan's g*n.

And according to the ballistics report, it fired the b*llet that almost k*lled you. No, no, no. Deena, she would never get behind something like this.

I'll call Danica, get her to execute a search warrant on Deena's car to test that g*n for fingerprints.

EVERETT! Oh, gosh. Come on. Hide. Hide!

Hide! Hide! Hide! What? Where am I going?

What the...

Just calm down.

So, you guys just bailed?

You're supposed to be investigating Madison!

We did. She didn't steal your ledger.

Oh, yeah? Who did?

We... think it was Deena.

Deena?

Why would she steal my recipe? We're not sure, but we believe she tried to frame you for Glinski's m*rder.

What the hell are you talking about? Glinski d*ed in a car accident. Actually, he didn't.

He faked his own death after someone sh*t him.

And you think Deena did it? We found your g*n in her car.

Just think about it. OK?

Deena knew that Glinski had your ledger at his apartment.

The cops would assume that he stole it, and you sh*t him in revenge. But Glinski faked his own death, and it looked like an accident, so she couldn't go through with her plan. So she went to Glinski's apartment and took the ledger back. Which is why it wasn't there when you tossed the place.

But why would she keep it? What's she gonna do with it?

My best guess is, once her plan to frame you failed, she realized her best option was to sell it.

No. No, I don't believe this.

I don't believe any of this. Well, don't take our word for it.

Glinski...

You might as well come out...

(SIGHING)

Crap.

He's gone.

Ralph, where would Deena go if she wanted to be alone? Please. It's important.

She has her own place. Downtown.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(DOOR OPENING)

So, it's true. Yeah.

In the immortal words of Mark Twain, "The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."

When you phoned me, I almost had a heart att*ck.

Oh, I'm sorry to have worried you.

The fact is my life was in danger.

Somebody took a sh*t at me! My God!

I know... So, I had no choice but to fake my own death, and hire the PI friends of mine to investigate.

I think you met them... Shade and Angie?

So that's what they've been up to.

To tell the truth, I'm not so impressed with their progress.

They came to me this afternoon and handed me this cockamamie report that you were behind the sh**ting. Me?

Yeah. And I mean, they said that it was you... who stole Ralph's ledger from my apartment. That's ridiculous.

I didn't believe it, of course.

So I came here to straighten things out.

And then...

I found this.

Ralph's ledger, and then I couldn't figure anything out anymore.

It would have been much easier if you'd just stayed dead.

Deena! Deena!

For God's sake!

What are you... Why?

Ralph calls himself the Cake Boss.

Like the success of the business has anything to do with him. What are you talking about?

For years, he stays in his kitchen with his precious recipe, and I'm going out, making the deals, signing the franchises, finding locations.

I built this company piece by piece!

So he took you for granted. Why don't you just divorce him?

(LAUGHING)

And give him half of what I own?

No! I worked too hard for that. And what about us?

You could have stolen Ralph's ledger without us...

Why? I heard good things.

You didn't disappoint. Thank you.

Which makes this all the harder!

(SHADE): Better make sure you got a clean sh*t.

I mean, you screwed it up last time.

You set me up? Not me.

All the credit goes to them. Well!

There's just one problem. I'm still holding the g*n.

You can't sh**t all of us. Can't I?

I have more than enough b*ll*ts.

Drop your w*apon!

Put your hands on your head and step back.

I should have sh*t you when I walked in.

We thought you might feel that way...

(GROANING)

In the immortal words of Benjamin Franklin, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."

Oh, shut up!

♪

(LAUGHING)

Mr. Shade! What can I do for you?

I think you've done enough, Liam. Uh oh. OK.

Can you give us a minute? Yeah, sure.

(SHADE SIGHING)

Listen, Jules... Mom told me what happened.

I'm just sorry you had to find out that way.

Yeah, that makes two of us. It's my fault.

We should have had the talk a lot sooner.

The talk? You know, When you get older, things in your body, they may start to change...

Look, honey... this whole thing just kind of caught me off guard.

Things are changing pretty quickly all of a sudden.

Well, you know nothing's gonna change between us, right?

Yeah, honey. I know that.

Listen... I'm glad you're being safe.

All I want is for you to be with someone you care about. OK?

Yeah.

I am.

Good.

Well, look who the cat dragged in.

Ha ha ha! You stickin' around? We could all have dinner.

I can't tonight, Dad.

Angie and I are closing out a case.

Oh, is that what you call it now?

All we want is for you to be with someone that you care about.

Wow.

You know, for someone who cheated death twice, you don't seem too happy.

I'm just depressed. I made a mess of my life.

Oh, Glinski, don't be so hard on yourself.

Why not? Take Shirl.

Who else could have screwed that up?

You could always tell her the truth.

What do you mean?

That story you told about your divorce, that was a bunch of bull.

I beg your pardon!

You're still wearing your wedding ring.

And I went through those files.

Some interesting financial information in there.

You looked through my files? Yes!

As a not-so-famous man once said, "I'm a PI. I can't help it."

Hmm!

Yeah, well...

(SIGHING)

So, business started falling off, and... I kept dipping into the retirement fund to keep afloat.

I was too embarrassed to tell Shirl.

So you filed for divorce?

And then just voluntarily let her take everything?

I even floated a loan to make the settlement bigger.

You know, I promised her an easy retirement and took it away, one failure after another.

I ruined her life.

Hmm.

Why don't we leave that up to her?

Hey... Somebody call a cab?

Shirl?

I figured you could use a lift.

And maybe a do-over.

You big lug, I thought I'd lost you.

I just couldn't stand the thought of disappointing you again.

You actually thought I cared about the money?

You and me, we're more than that.

All the time I was running away when what I really wanted... was standing in front of me.

Come on. I've lived here long enough. Let's go.

(INAUDIBLE SPEAKING)

♪ Come back ♪ Come on, baby. OK.

Oh, look who's here: the hockey man.

Your daughter called. She's coming by later.

What are you talking about? I just saw her.

Like the old Greek guy said, don't sh**t the messenger.

(GRUNTING)

♪ Will you come back ♪ They're cute together.

Do you want a drink?

You read my mind.

♪ Come back to me ♪

♪ Will you... ♪ Glinski!

There's wine in the kitchen.

♪ It's too cold in the winter ♪

♪ Too cold to be out ♪

♪ By yourself ♪

♪ You know that, know that, know that ♪

♪ Could say that I'll be waiting ♪

♪ At the end of the line ♪ Wow...

Henri Lepagnier?

That's good juice.

Cassie gave it to me. She told me to share it with... in a year. Probably just needs to breathe a little.

♪ Will you come back, ever come back to me? ♪

♪ Well!

That's long enough. Yeah. Ah...

To happy endings. And beginnings.

(SHADE CHUCKLING)

Ooh...

So, case is over. When are you going to Seattle?

Not tonight.

Hmm.

(JAZZ MUSIC)

(KNOCKING) Can I help you?

Uh, yeah. I'm looking for Matt Shade.

Yeah, I'm Matt.

What can I do for you?

I'm Sabrina Campbell. Um...

I think you knew my mother.

Yeah, I sure did.

I'm your daughter.

(FAST-PACED MUSIC)