07x02 - Man vs. Myth

[bunniefuu]

Was that box here yesterday?

I think these things are multiplying.

Yeah, well, your dad
did have a lot of stuff.

I think the Egyptians
had it right; when they d*ed,

they were buried with all their crap.

You know, it's been
four months and you haven't

even gone through this stuff.

How do you know it's crap?

Because it's my dad's.

My garage is where I work
on my truck to de-stress.

Now I can't do that. It's like
he did this on purpose.

Oh, honey. I really don't think
your father d*ed to prank you.

I wouldn't put it past him.

But joke's on him.

Goodwill's coming this Saturday
to take all this stuff away.

- Don't you want to keep anything?
- No.

Now, w-what about this? What
about his favorite chair, huh?

I mean, every time I see it,
I imagine Bud sitting here,

holding a glass of whiskey.

Yeah.

That's why it's going.

I really think you should
keep something, just... here.

I don't think... whoa, wait a minute.

(Grunts):
How about this?

His bowling shoes.

Wasn't he wearing those the
night he had his heart att*ck?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

So, obviously, they're lucky.

- Hey. What's cooking?
- Hi.

Wow.

And I mean that in both ways,

as in, "What's new?"
and also the literal question,

"What food are you preparing?"

My God, you're exhausting.

Shrimp scampi.
Do you want to stay?

Farm-raised shrimp
or wild-caught?

Trapped at the border.

What's up?

You know, when I agreed to look after

your dad's pot dispensary,

didn't think there'd be
quite this much business stuff.

So, that is the new lease,
the insurance premium schedule.

Oh, and we had a building inspection

and we have some structural issues,

so when can you meet
with the city engineer?

Look at all this stuff.
This is insane.

Yeah. You're preaching
to the choir, man.

All that paper is a leading
cause of deforestation.

I hate this shop.

Really? Wow,
you never mentioned it.

All it attracts is potheads,

just like the Democratic party.

You know what? That's it.

He's gone. That's it.

Let's just get rid of all of it.

Including Bud's Buds?

You're damn right, Bud's Buds.

I'll sell Bud's Buds.

And if you act now,
I'll toss in a lumpy chair

and boxes of mystery crap.

Wait, you want to sell the shop?
I work there.

Okay. Act now,

you get a slightly used,
irritating son-in-law.

Pardon me, I'm new in town.

Is there where a poor gal
might find work?

Yes, ma'am. And you're in luck,
because I do the hiring.

And you're married to me.

Let's start your interview.

(Chuckles) Kyle, you're so funny.

I've never had to interview
for a job.

Oh, yeah.
I always forget you're hot.

So, how was your first day
in the personnel department?

Great. I think
I'm getting the hang of it.

Sorry, Brenda. It's just me.

Again.

You seem nervous.

I feel a little out of place.

I mean, look at these people.

Everybody's dressed like a lawyer.

Especially the lawyers.

Ooh, we could upgrade your look.
The rule of thumb

is that you should always dress
for the job you want.

Oh, no. I can't come to work
dressed like an astronaut.

You are married

to an up-and-coming
fashion designer, Kyle.

And I'm gonna give you a look

that will fill you with confidence.

Yeah. Confidence.

I like the sound of that.

Sorry, Brenda.

- Hey, Dad. You busy?
- MIKE: Hey.

Always.

Can I talk to you anyway?

Always.

So, uh, Ryan told me

that you're thinking
of selling the pot shop.

I'm not thinking about it.
I'm selling the pot shop.

Okay. Well, uh,
I know that you're too busy

to deal with it,
so Ryan and I decided

that we could take over
all the responsibilities.

That way you don't have to sell.

Do you or Ryan know

how complicated the drug business is?

I know business, okay?
I run the Grill.

With your help.

Okay. How about this?

You're looking
at a financial statement.

Do you know the difference

between accrual basis and cash basis?

Well, they're both basis... es.

Only... you know, different.

Look, I appreciate your help,
but you guys can't run it alone,

and I'm not gonna do it.

Dad, it's Grandpa's.

Well, Grandpa's not here.

He's at that big hookah bar
in the sky.

But it meant the world to him.

H-He told me it was his legacy.

You know what?
I want the Baxter legacy

to be the love of the great outdoors,

not a strain of weed
named after Miley Cyrus.

So you're just gonna
throw it all away?

After all of his hard work?

I don't know what to tell you,
kiddo. We have to get rid of it.

No, we don't have to.
You want to.

Can't believe I care more
about your father than you do.

(Door closes)

I've been thinking.
Now that Tom Petty's gone,

that makes Bob Dylan the only
surviving Traveling Wilbury.

You know,
it's amazing the conversations

I'm willing to have
in this office for free scotch.

- ED: Hi, Mikey.
- Hey.

Mike, I saw Kristin
come out of your office

looking a little agitated.
Is everything okay?

I tell you, it was weird.
She just marched in my office

and told me she cared more
about my dead dad than I did.

So, were you angry with her

or impressed
at how well she knows you?

To be honest with you, it bugs me.

You know, I'm glad she loves my dad,

but it was easy for her.

She didn't have to do her homework

locked in his car
outside of Jolly Jack's.

Sad day when that gin mill
closed down.

Jack, by the way, was not jolly.

It was just one
of those ironic nicknames.

My dad was good to her.

He came to a lot of her games,
her recitals.

(Chuckles softly): You know
where he was on my graduation?

Oh. Jolly Jack's.

Yeah. It was Balloon Night.

It's time my daughter found out

the type of guy
her grandpa really was.

- Oh, oh, oh. No.
- No, no, no. That's a bad idea, buddy.

- That's a bad idea.
- Do not go there, Baxter.

Do not speak ill of the dead.

Really? Coming from you?

Didn't you tell me you saw
your dad at the funeral parlor,

lying there with a smile on his face,

and you actually said,
"Who's this guy?"

(Chuckles): Yeah,
but I didn't say it to my son.

I let him believe
his grandpa was a great guy

who knew Muhammad Ali

and may have dated Obama's mother.

I'd smile and say,
"Well, she did like black guys."

Look, Kristin only knows the myth.

Think it's about time
she got to know the man.

You just don't understand

your father's generation,
my generation.

We didn't set out
to make you kids miserable.

Hell, we hardly thought
about you at all.

Got that.

To my dad,
I was just a pain in the ass.

Not just to your dad.

You modern fathers changed the game.

Now dads feel things, you know?

You know, a-and they cry and...

But don't-don't hold us
to the same standard.

No. We were men.

I just want her to know
the whole truth, you know?

And it's not all bad. It's...

(Chuckles) It's fifty-fifty.

Eh, sixty-forty.

Seventy-thirty.

If we're gonna be talking
about our dead dads in here,

you are gonna have to start
buying better scotch.

I think it says, "I'm in charge.

I'll decide who works here."

Do you love it?

(Sighs) Um...

I don't love it.

But that might be
because I don't like it.

Okay, let's see.

Uh, you didn't like
the one-piece.

Ugh.

You didn't like the Nehru jacket.

- Mm.
- Still may fight you on that.

Uh, oh,
and-and what did we decide

on the drop crotch pants?

Well, the length of that zipper
is a little intimidating.

H-Hey, what if I just wear

my regular shirt
with this tie I have?

It's shaped like a fish.

No, I-I thought
you wanted me to help you

feel more comfortable
around those people at work.

I do, but...

You know, I-I need to feel
more than just comfortable.

I need to feel confident.

No matter what I do,
I just feel like Kyle.

Oh, honey.

This is a process.

We'll find something.

Now, just to be clear,

it's a tie, but it looks like a fish.

Oh, wait. Did you say a fish?

- Yes!
- No.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- You're home early.
- Yeah.

Hope I didn't make your
boyfriend jump in the bushes.

(Chuckles):
No, he's gone.

Took my heart with him.

Oh, Goodwill's coming tomorrow.
I'm gonna go inventory

- those boxes.
- Oh, great.

Um, Kristin's coming to dinner.

Said she needs to talk to you.

Well, great, 'cause I need
to talk to her, too.

That's sweet, you both need to talk.

What's wrong?

She gave me all this stuff yesterday

about her caring more
about my dad than me.

I thought I raised my daughters

to be annoyed by the same people
that I was annoyed by.

Well, they all agree on Geraldo.

So, what are you going to say to her?

I'm gonna tell her the truth
about Bud.

He wasn't just this fuzzy grandpa

that gave her five bucks
on her birthday.

Hmm, hmm. Actually,
it was bucks.

- What?
- Honey...

- Okay, so he bought her love.
- Okay.

Y-You know,
maybe this isn't the best time

to talk to her about it,

because you-you seem
pretty worked up.

Okay, I-I'm at my best
when I'm pretty worked up.

Look, you have barely spoken

- about Bud in four months.
- Oh, come on, come on, come on.

This could be the longest
conversation we've had about him

since the night he d*ed.

Well, what's to say about him,
you know?

He was a lousy father.

He dropped dead at a bowling alley.

And?

- And it was a tragedy.
- Yeah.

'Cause he was on his way
to bowling .

All right, look.

You know, I-I'm just worried
because you haven't grieved.

- I don't... Honey. Honey.
- And... But it's fine. It's fine.

- I'm-I'm good with...
- Everybody grieves

in their own time,
but maybe you should put off

any dramatic revelations
until you have.

Here's a dramatic revelation:
I'm good. I'm good.

It's Kris that needs to know
the truth about my dad.

This ought to be good.

I can't wait to hear
the truth about me.

I forgot how comfortable
this chair was.

All right, Michael, let's hear
all the awful things you have

to say about your dear, departed dad.

I don't think we should get into
this, it's kind of a long list.

Well, it's not like I have
any place to be.

Come on, hotshot. Spill it.

Dead and still cranky.

Okay, you know, as a boy,

I don't remember a lot of pats
on the back.

It was, more literally,
kicks in the ass.

That's because you were
kind of a knucklehead.

But you became a big success.

You're welcome.

Whoa, nice try, Dad,
but I am who I am

despite how you raised me,
not because of it.

Next.

You said it was a long list.

You were distant.

Holy crap, I sound horrible.

Did I wear black socks
with shorts, too?

At my wedding.

You just weren't that involved
in my life, Dad.

Well, I was kind of busy living mine.

I worked, came home tired
and went to bed.

Repeat, repeat, repeat,
drop dead in a bowling alley.

I work, too; I get tired, too;
I like to bowl, too.

At least I used to, now it's
just a bit too creepy.

But I made time for my kids.

I am getting the distinct feeling

that you are trying to say
you're a better dad than me.

That's because I'm saying it.

Well, guess what?

I said I was a better dad
than mine, too.

I thought he was a miserable bastard.

You think I'm a miserable bastard.

Now Kristin thinks you're
a miserable bastard.

That's being a dad.

Maybe on a pirate ship.

Kris is upset with me,

but she loves me
and she knows I love her.

That's being a dad.

Ah.

I think we're getting
to the real issue, kid.

I tell my kids I love them
all the time.

I don't think I ever remember
you saying that.

(Exhales)

I feel the need to say something
to you right now.

Really?

Go ahead, say it.

(Sharp inhale) Boo-hoo!

I didn't know that was part
of the job.

I did the best I could.

What a waste of time.

Isn't there a bowling alley

you should be haunting
right about now?

Hey, wise guy.

Did you ever think about this?

I also don't remember
you ever saying you loved me.

I was going to.

Yeah, me, too.

Funny how life doesn't wait
for us sometimes, huh?

Yeah.

Kyle, I've ju...

Kyle, my boy, look at you,

sitting there with your suit and tie.

You look like one of those Mad Men.

Well, thank you, sir.

Mandy and I worked on this together.

Well, this is, this is a cause
for celebration.

Come up to my office for a drink.

You're earned it. Come on, son.

Uh, you know what? I still have
some work to do.

Kyle, it's the end of the day,
son. It's all right, come on.

Come on. (Chuckles)

Come on, come on, son.

Blistering barnacles
in a hot pot of coffee.

- Chuck, come in here, quick.
- What?

Oh, hell no.

(Laughing)

It's what they're wearing
in London right now.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Just admiring Kyle's new ensemble.

- Yeah, isn't it fun?
- Mm-hmm.

(Laughing): It's the most fun
I've had all day.

Excuse us.

Hey, just ignore them.

This is an outfit
that really says something.

Yeah. It says,

"This guy forgot his pants."

Well, you know, in sort of
a clever twist,

tomorrow you'll be in long pants
with a sleeveless jacket.

No, Mandy. I've made up my mind.

I want to wear what I want to wear.

Where did that come from?

I don't know. I-I'm sorry.

No, it was great.

You were all bossy
and sure of yourself.

Yeah, wow.
I guess I really was.

That's confidence.

And it looks great on you.

Not as great as the Nehru jacket,

but that ship has sailed.

Thank you, Mandy.

This is what I've been missing.

Wouldn't feel this way unless
you made me dress like a dork.

Yeah, do me a favor and don't
say that in my Yelp review.

You know, the new confident Kyle

- is taking you out to dinner.
- (Gasps)

And if they try to leave onions
on my burger,

oh, they're getting
a piece of my mind.

Oh, babe, I just had a great idea

for what you can wear tomorrow.

It's a tie, but it looks like a fish.

I think you have one of those.

One? I have a whole school
of fish ties.

- Dad?
- (Screams)

(Yells indistinctly)

- I'm sorry.
- Holy...

- I didn't mean to scare you.
- You didn't scare me.

I was working on this
and so it... Whoa.

Okay.

Uh, but I'm glad you're here
'cause I think we need to talk.

Oh, okay.
Uh, me first. Please?

Okay.

I had no right to say

what I said to you yesterday
in your office.

It was really thoughtless, Dad,
and I'm so sorry.

Thanks. Kristin,
I appreciate that.

What did you want to tell me?

Okay. You had no right to say

what you said to me
in the office the other day.

It was wrong and you
should be so, so sorry.

(Laughs)

Well, I'm glad we took care of that.

Actually, what I want to say is,

if you and Ryan think
you can run Bud's Buds...

Oh, my gosh, yes.

It's going to be a lot of work

and a real pain in the ass, honey.

I know, I don't care.
Oh, thank you.

I'm a... I'm available
for consultation.

I'm not going to run this place.

- Yes, this is so cool. Oh.
- Okay.

It's like, it's like
Grandpa's still with us.

Yeah, I know just what you mean.

He was, uh...

He was kind of special to you,
wasn't he?

He was my hero.

Huh.

And yet, I remember pulling you
out of the river

when you fell out of the canoe,
but he's your hero.

So, huh.

You're my all-time hero, Dad.

Grandpa was my...

Your what?

(Chuckles)

I'm .

In my backpack,
I've got a pregnancy test

with a neon, blinking plus sign on it

the size of a manhole cover.

(Laughs) I'm thinking, "I'm dead.

My life is over."

And I'm driving to get pizza
with Grandpa,

and he pulls over
and he looks at me and says,

"What the hell's
with you today?"

All the tact of a construction boot.

And so I look at him...

and I tell him.

I tell him everything.

My dad was the first person you told?

Yep.

- And he didn't k*ll Ryan?
- (Chuckles)

He offered.

Mostly we-we talked about how
scared I was to tell you.

How I was afraid
you'd be ashamed of me.

But he said, "Kristin,
I know your father,

"and he will love you even more
than he loves you now.

'Cause that's the kind
of dad he is."

H-Huh. Hmm.

- And he was right.
- Yeah.

You know what?

- I'm gonna fix this.
- Okay.

I hate...
Don't want anybody hurt in here.

I'll-I'll see you
at dinner, okay?

Okay.

Oof... Uh, Kris?

Yeah.

I love you.

You know that.

Always.

Look at that.

Finally getting my garage back,
and baby, you look great.

(Chuckles) I'd say get a room,
but your girlfriend is a room.

Mmm, mmm, mmm... Oh, no.

The bust of Ronald Reagan,
that stays.

In the garage.
It stays in the garage.

- The chair going?
- No. It stays.

In the living room.
In the living room.

I'm glad, honey.
I'm really glad.

This is the most uncomfortable
chair I've ever sat on.

Now I know why my dad
was so grumpy all the time.

You guys need any hel...
Oh, my God.

(Chuckles)
You look just like Grandpa.

Oh, boy! Take the chair!
Hey! Take the chair!