07x07 - Dreams Vs. Reality

[bunniefuu]

- Oh, hey.
- Hi.

This is a nice surprise.
Hard day at work,

come home to my hot teacher.

(Laughs) Yeah.

More like terrific tutor.

How are your students doing?

- They are acing this quiz.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Give me one of the questions.

All right. Uh, here, question four.

"What is the highest place on Earth?"

Highest place on Earth.

Easy. UC Berkeley.

(Stomps foot)

(Coughs) I don't even go here.

Mount Everest.

- Of course.
- Boom! Can this woman tutor?

(Laughs)

I don't know if this is
frightening or arousing.

"What is a mixture of
igneous and metamorphic rock?"

- Um...
- Migmatite.

Oh, yeah.

Geology, suckas!

Oh, yeah. This is arousing.

What do you say we go upstairs?

No, honey, we can't.
Mandy's gonna come home

any minute, and she's
gonna be pretty upset.

About what?

Well, that fashion website

she submitted her proposed collection to

gave their answer.

Modern Mode? They
rejected all her proposals?

Yeah, the whole line.

Eh, what do those fashion
Einsteins know anyway?

They couldn't tell the difference

between an A-line and a B cup.

Project Runway. Tim Gunn.

- Best thing on TV.
- Oh. Well...

Buona sera, beautiful parents.

We have awesome news.

Ah. Certainly handles
disappointment well.

Listen, for the record,
I'm only smiling right now

because you brought pizza.

Honey, we thought you'd still
be crushed about Modern Mode.

Oh. She was. She printed out the logo

and used it as a dartboard.

It would be full of holes
if she was better at darts.

But when Mandy's down, we get pizza.

- All right.
- Which was genius,

because on the wall of
Arturo's is a map of Italy.

And guess where Kyle and I are going?

Italy!

Sorry. I get so excited
when I know the answer.

I worked super hard on a line

that got turned down
by a bunch of idiots.

I need a vacation.

Oh. Well, who's gonna
pay for the vacation?

Well, we've been saving
a lot of money, Dad.

Living rent-free here. I forgot.

Well, we didn't...
that's why we

haven't been paying you anything.

This is gonna be so much fun.

I can't wait to go to every
city on this pizza box.

Ooh. Let's go to Nipples.

Naples.

Um, listen, your mom and
I were talking upstairs,

and we think you're
making a big mistake, okay?

- Huh.
- We don't think you should go to Italy.

But I just filled out a BuzzFeed quiz

on what type of Italian food I am.

I'm a cannoli.

Well, we didn't have that
information, so arrivederci.

Mandy, the deal was we would
let you use the b*mb shelter

as a studio so you could
save money for the business.

You know, not traipse around
Tuscany like Diane Lane.

- I saw the movie.
- (Mouths)

You're making it sound like I'm
using your money for the trip.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I just mean...
- (Chuckles)

We weren't being clear. You're
using our money for the trip.

Mike: Look, we support you

in trying to get your
business off the ground.

What we can't sign off on is you
wasting money on travel, okay?

But you always said travel
was the best education.

I was right then, and I'm right now.

Vanessa: You've had a setback, okay?

And I'm sure the next
thing that you submit

will be accepted, and-and then you're
gonna need that money for supplies.

Look at it this way.

When God slams a door shut, he
generally builds you a window.

Dad, why is everything
with you home improvement?

Chuck, uh, is my dad in there?

No. And just because my desk is here

doesn't make me your dad's receptionist.

But would you like to leave
a message for Mr. Baxter?

No. Uh, actually, I
want to surprise him.

I'm gonna upgrade the
website for the restaurant.

You know, he's been working
so hard on the expansion,

I just want him to have one
less thing to worry about.

Okay. So, what are you doing here?

Well, you do a lot of camera
stuff around here. (Chuckles)

So I want to make a
video for the home page,

and I just have one little question.

- Okay, what?
- How do I do it?

As it turns out, I used
to work in video production

when I was in the Marines.

- What?
- Yes. I produced a recruitment spot

where a farm boy looks
up from a cornfield,

sees an eagle soaring by,
follows it to a hilltop...

Where a sword of destiny waits for him?

- Yeah.
- I saw that.

Oh, yeah? All right, yes.

Thank you. Yeah, %
increase in recruitment.

Wow.

Yeah. If I could do
that for the Marines,

(Chuckles) I can make a
video for Outdoor Man Grill.

- Thank you, Chuck.
- Oh, yeah.

I-I don't want to put you out, though.

- Oh. (Sputters)
- It sounds like a lot of work.

- No...
- What's a lot of work? I'll do it.

Uh, you don't even know what it is, Ed.

Yeah, it doesn't matter. I'm
retired and I'm losing my mind.

I just came back from
playing pickleball.

Okay, well, uh, Chuck
and I are going to sh**t

a new promo for the Grill's website.

That sounds like a terrific idea.

But make sure it's classy.

And nothing says classy
like a spokesman in a tuxedo.

Hmm? I have four.

Four wives, four tuxedos.

For this one, I'd wear the Mary Ann.

Okay. Uh, are you sure, Ed?

(Chuckles): I mean, acting
is harder than it looks.

Trust me, I'm a natural.

I know all the tricks.

As much as I love the
camera, it loves me more.

Thank you, Ed. It's gonna be great.

Yeah. I'll round up the
in-house production guys.

Kristin, you write up the copy.

Ed, take Mary Ann to the cleaners.

All right.

With pleasure, with... her
lawyer did the same to me in ' .

That took a long time. That
place was packed, honey.

Moo goo gai pan.

You know, I bet the progressives
are gonna make us call this

moo goo gender-neutral pan.

I don't care what it's called,

just put it in plates. I'm starving.

Yeah, me, too. Ooh.

Oh, hey, honey. You hungry?

No. What I am is stunned,

- grateful and in awe.
- Oh.

Perfect, 'cause there's only
enough food for your mom and me.

Uh, so, stunned, grateful
and in awe about what?

God. And my friend
Annie from high school.

Oh, that sketchy
cheerleader who got suspended

for selling her ADD meds?

God, cheerleader, prescription meds.

This is gonna be a hell of a story.

One day after those
weasels from Modern Mode

turn down my fashion
submission, guess who calls me?

God.

No. Annie,

who is now a successful
real estate agent.

- Vanessa: Oh.
- She invites me to lunch,

we talk, and we wind up
sitting for two hours.

Sounds like the waiter could
have used the ADD medicine.

The moment I stood up from that table,

I knew what I wanted to do with my life.

Th... what are
you talking about?

I'm going to become a real estate agent.

W-What? What about fashion?

It's what you said yesterday, Dad.

When God closes a door,
he builds a window.

Fashion is the door,
real estate is the window.

- Come on, isn't this incredible?
- No... wait, wait.

(Sighs) You and your home improvement.

Mike? Oh, hey, hi.
Listen, uh, great news.

I've been doing some
research, and it turns out

that Mandy will have to do a ton of work

if she wants to be a
real estate agent. Huh?

This will destroy her. (Chuckles)

It's true what they say.

There's nothing quite
like a mother's love.

Okay, all right, all
right, I get it, I get it.

I'm just... I'll take
anything if it gets

this silly real estate
notion out of her head.

You got to admit... pretty
girl, bubbly personality...

it's almost like Mandy was
created in a lab to sell houses.

Hold on, hold on. You're,
you're not on board

with this crazy idea, are you?

I'm not even sure Mandy's
on board with this.

Selling real estate is a rebound career.

It's not the career you marry.

Well, sometimes, you make
a mistake when you marry,

and you don't realize it until
you need somebody's support

and it's not there.

I mean, w-why aren't you
more upset about this?

Because I don't think
you meant to insult me.

About Mandy. Look, fashion is her life.

She didn't draw "for sale"
signs on her school notebooks,

she drew dresses.

She also wrote "Mrs. Ricky
Martin" in that notebook.

All I'm saying here,
honey, is things change.

Just ask Ricky's husband.

Pull back to reveal the roasted potato.

Enter Ed!

Uh, E-Ed, uh, your line is...

I know my line.

Then why didn't you say it?

First I say it with
my eyes, then my mouth.

Let's skip the eyes and
go straight to the mouth.

And action.

Hello, I'm Ed Alzate.

Welcome to the Outdoor Man Grill.

(Whispering): Where your taste buds

take a trip around the world.

(Chuckles) Ed,

why are you talking like that?

It's an old stage technique.

It forces people to listen more closely.

It's called whispering.

We're running out of time, Kristin.

We've been working on
this scene all morning.

Do we have a-a good version of it?

You mean, has he said
what you wrote? Yes.

In a way we can hear it?

(Whispers): No.

Uh, okay.

Uh... (Chuckles)

Let's do your-your line at the table.

Ah, perfect, perfect. Moving
to the table, everyone.

(Muttering)

Now, uh, so, your line here
is, "Everything on our menu

is fresh, exotic and delicious."

Uh-uh-uh. There's
something wrong here.

There should be champagne on this table.

It's their anniversary.

That-that's not anywhere
in the script, Ed.

Well, I-it's called backstory.
It's essential for the actors.

They're not actors,
they're from accounting.

And what's with the wine?

A man such as I would start
the evening with a martini.

Okay. Let's just take it
from the top, everybody.

(Stammers) I have...
I have a better idea.

Let's just, uh, let the cameras roll,

and let's see if we-we
get lucky. All right?

- Ed, that's not how this w...
- Ah, no, no, no.

Trust me. Some of the best moments

in cinema were ad-libbed.

Right? Such as, uh...

"I'm walkin' here!"

- Hi, Mom.
- No, I'm not your mom.

I'm your reality check,
so brace yourself.

I am coming in hot.

What's that?

This is the next six
months of your life,

otherwise known as the
Colorado Real Estate Manual,

so you have fun getting through that.

I-I'm already reading it.
I'm just doing it in a way

that's much more efficient.
Aw, my battery just d*ed.

All right, all right. Wait,
wait, wait. No, I'm not done.

Nope. How about this? This is a schedule

of hours of classes
you're gonna need to take.

Yeah, classes. Your favorite.

Actually, it's hours of classes

and then the broker exam.

I also need a sponsoring realty company,

which is why I'm meeting
with Annie and her boss. Ooh.

I got to go. Oh, consider
this reality checked.

Hey, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy.

What if you don't pass

the broker exam, huh? Then what then?

Mom, if I don't pass,
I'll take it again.

- See you later, Dad.
- See you.

(Grunts)

(Sighs)

You know, I could've used
your support right then.

I'd like to be supportive
like Ricky Martin's husband.

"Cheer up, Ricky. Let's have some eggs."

Come on, honey. What is it?
What is really going on here?

I don't want her to be like me.
I want her to be more like you.

What is that supposed to mean?

I got a doctorate in Geology
because I loved it.

- I got it, yeah.
- And then I took that job at Paxon

because-because I didn't
know what to do with it.

Right? And then it took me
two decades to figure out

that what I really
wanted was to teach it.

And you have been
teaching. Y-You're tutoring.

You love it. You reinvented yourself.

You're like Reagan but prettier.

Honey, I didn't know
what my passion was,

so I just took the first
thing that came along.

Mandy has always known what she wanted.

I just... I can't stand it
that she's not going after it.

All right, all right.

All right. You know, I think
I get where you're going,

and I'm sorry I didn't
pick this up for...

No, no.

No. Look, don't be sorry.
Don't be sorry. Be grateful.

You have always known
what your dream is,

and you made it come true.

Kristin, I want to apologize
about the other day. Uh...

I'm afraid I got a little carried away.

No, no. No, you were...

You looked so good in that tux.

Well, I... the fact
is, I was so excited

to be doing something meaningful, I...

I became a bit of a jackass.

Hey, guys.

- You ready to watch the video?
- Oh, no, no, Chuck.

You don't have to do that.
You don't have to do that.

I'll pay to do it over.

You just hire a real spokesman.

I'll just stay out of the way.

Now, h-hang on, now. I-I
worked pretty hard on this,

- and I'd like you guys to see it.
- Oh, come on.

♪ ♪

Chuck: Greetings. I'm Ed
Alzate of the Outdoor Man Grill.

(Laughs)

Where your taste buds will take
an adventure around the world.

Everything on our menu is
fresh, exotic and delicious.

From our
sizzling... ooh...

hot entrées

to our excellent selection of wines.

Yes, sirree.

Come for the food.

Come for the fun.

Come for the best meal of your life.

You'll take one look
at our menu and say,

"I'm eating here!"

That is so good.

I did a little nip-tuck
with the editing.

You know, worked on the sound.

Glad you like it, Kristin.

Ed?

I thought I knew some tricks,

but looks like you
know some, too, Chuck.

(Chuckles): Oh, yeah.

And I can't deny it, Ed. The
camera does love you, man.

- Oh.
- You were wonderful, Ed.

(Chuckles) Well, it was terrific
to be, to be part of a team,

especially one that
isn't playing pickleball.

So come on, let's go celebrate

in that lovely restaurant
of yours, and it's on me.

- Come on. -Okay.
- All right.

I have a screenplay
I'd like you to read.

It's, uh, it opens on me, all right,

in a speedboat on the Riviera. Okay...

- Mandy: Hey, Dad?
- I'm in here.

Oh, hi. Kyle said you needed my help.

Yeah, it's a real estate
question, actually.

I was wondering if you
think that this b*mb shelter

could be an asset I-if
I ever sold this house.

Oh, yes, definitely. What you do is,

you call it a b*mb
shelter slash wine cellar.

I can see the marketing now:

"Get bombed while you're being bombed."

(Mouths)

Actually, I was hoping I could get you

to pack all this stuff
and, uh, get it out.

Why? (Gasps) Oh, my gosh,
are you selling the house?

Wait till I get my
license, I want the listing.

No, no, I just, I want you

to pack everything up
and get it out of here.

You won't need it, 'cause
you're gonna be a realtor.

Wait, but it's not like I'm
never gonna design again.

I'm just taking a little break.

Oh, that's not what it sounded like.

It sounded like you were done.

Well, I'm sorry if I was
a little unclear, okay?

I was dealing with a big disappointment.

So you don't think it'll be
disappointing being a realtor?

I mean, most people
go to those open houses

just to enjoy warm oatmeal cookies.

Yeah, I-I know I'll have bad days,

but if somebody doesn't
like a house I show them,

it's not gonna... you know, whatever.

Hurt. 'Cause you
didn't design the house.

Yeah.

Did you like the portfolio
you sent to Modern Mode?

I loved it. Best stuff I ever did.

There were these, um,
billowy palazzo pants...

You can skip the details.

(Sighs)

And all I got back was,
"Thanks, but no thanks.

"Thanks, but you suck,

"and you're the worst designer
in the world, and we hate you

and everyone hates you and always will."

Honey, it's just a form letter.

My first media proposal for Outdoor Man,

I thought I had all the details right.

Product, price...

You can skip the details.

And it failed?

Nope, huge success.

The truth is, I also
had a lot of epic...

I mean epic...
failures,

I just don't tell people about those.

I just hate what it feels
like whenever they say "no."

Like I'm worthless.

Maybe because deep down,

you feel like you were put on this Earth

to be a great designer.

I do. I used to.

I don't know anymore. (Chuckles)

You know, I'm looking
at the stuff you did

when you were a kid.

This is early stuff you did.

Honey, this is really amazing.

Your work is spectacular.

You really think it's good?

I think it's great. But it
doesn't matter what I think.

Or what "Modern Anybody" thinks.

The only person that
has to think it's great

is sitting in your chair right now.

I just don't know if
I can take it anymore.

This isn't my first rejection, Dad.

I am sick of hearing them say "no."

Then you can pack all this stuff up.

And that's okay. That's okay.

But then, you'll never
experience what it's like

- when they go "yes, yes."
- (Laughs softly)

(Sniffles) Just tell me the truth.

Does life get any easier?

No.

But the good news is,
it goes by real quick.

- Hey, honey.
- Hey.

You want to hear the funniest thing?

Sure.

Did you bring somebody funny with you?

Hardy har, har, har. No, listen.

I was at my last student
appointment on Eldora Street,

- in that big Tudor-style house.
- Uh-huh.

So, I was a tutor in a Tudor.

(Chuckles) Get it?

Ha. Top notch, honey.

I made you a special
dinner. Just sit down.

Oh. Just when I think I can't love you

any more than I do, it happens.

I have that effect on people.

Very awkward at the post office.

There you go. Plate's hot, plate's hot.

Lamb chops. Wow, they're beautiful.

They were more beautiful
when the other three

were on there, but...

Listen, uh, I had a
little chat with Mandy,

and I think she might be over that
rebound affair with real estate.

Oh, no, you know what?

I feel bad about getting
in her face like that.

I mean, I-I realized
I was just mad at her

for the mistakes I made in my life.

No, no, I think you've had
a pretty mistake-free life.

Except for the murders.

You know, it's-it's better that

she talks to you about that stuff.

I mean, y-you're, you're somebody

who made their dreams come true.

Let's not go into this again, okay?

What, you think that's an insult?
No? No?

All right, well, sure, I got
a couple more. How about this?

You're handsome and
you're good in the sack.

- Oh, really?
- Hmm.

How about this? You're intelligent

and you have a nice rack.

Now you go.

No, but seriously, seriously,
uh, you know what, honey?

Outdoor Man was your dream,
and you made it come true.

I mean, th-that's pretty impressive.

More specifically, Outdoor
Man was a goal of mine.

This is my dream.

You, the
kids... us.

And I didn't make this dream happen.

- We made this happen.
- Mm.

You know, just when I
think I can't love you

any more than I do, it happens.

Well, that's easy to understand.

I'm intelligent and good in the sack.

And there's nobody I would rather

have my dreams come true with
than with you, Vanessa Baxter.

Oh, right back at you, mister.

Mm.

So... you want to go upstairs?

I'm eating.

Come on, y-you know.

Yeah, yeah, I do know, but I'm eating.

That's why they call it a dream.