05x03 - Chapter Eighty-Four

[bunniefuu]

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Welcome back, friends.

You'll recall Jane was madly in love with Rafael.

But then Jane's husband Michael came back from the dead.

Actually, I go by Jason now, ma'am.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: That's right.

Michael, I mean Jason, has amnesia.

And Jane wanted to help him get his memories back.

Unfortunately, it wasn't working.

And then this happened, so Jane made a big decision.

I'm getting a divorce.

But Jason had other ideas.

Old Bo over there got ahold of the divorce papers.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I know.

Straight out of a telenovela, right?

And speaking of telenovelas, Rogelio and River Fields finally put their differences aside to star in the American remake of The Passions of Santos.

But then River dropped a b*mb on Xo.

I know.

Looks scary, right?

So let's find out what's going on.

Ah, friends, as I've made clear, Jane Gloriana Villanueva was raised on a steady diet of telenovelas...

Catholicism...

and the sun shining only on her.

And all of these moments imprinted to make her who she is today.

You'll take Mateo to karate.

Don't forget his water bottle or the shoes he took from Ethan.

I'll meet Jason at Abuela's and get the divorce papers.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: That is...

super bossy.

(sighs)

I'm just praying that Jason shows up with papers that aren't dog-bitten.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Super faithful.

That makes two of us.

I love you.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And super romantic.

RAFAEL: Hey.

Ready for karate, bud?

Mwah.

Mwah.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, most of the time.

Sorry, I-I don't know what that was.

Go.

Get your divorce.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which, for the record, she was trying to do.

Hi there.

It's a beautiful day and I was hoping you might join me on a picnic.

W-What are you doing?

I'm coming a courtin'.

See, I got to thinking about this whole divorce thing, and, uh...

(clicks tongue)

I'm not so sure about it anymore.

I want to take you on a date.

Make sure the spark..

(bell chimes)

...is really dead.

♪ ♪ (bell dings)

No.

There is no spark.

So you're saying you didn't feel anything at all when we danced?

What?

No!

You need to go.

Really?

Yes.

Really.

Y-- M-M-Mateo is in his room and he doesn't know you're alive so you need to leave now.

I am going to tell him when I see him later.

And then I want us to go on a date; we need it.

He actually kissed me on my head this morning.

Ay.

XIOMARA: I need your help.

Mom, you didn't have to come down.

We could've brought lunch up to you.

No, no, no.

With this.

River gave it to me.

Rogelio's on his way home from work and I have to tell him about it.

Tell him about what?

No!

No!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: If somebody doesn't tell me what this thing is...

River is getting paid twice as much as Dad?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: No!

How am I gonna tell him?

We're here for you, Mom.

If worse comes to worst, we'll all just sit on him till he calms down.

(door opens)

ROGELIO: Hello, beautiful ladies of my life.

You're in a good mood.

It was another fantastic day ♪ To be Rogelio.

♪ (laughing)

River and I are officially a dream team.

Hashtag...

Oh, wow.

I love it.

We approach acting the same way.

We plank together for two minutes before each scene to make sure our abs are tight.

Okay, let's eat.

Mom.

Tell him.

I have cancer; can you do it?

This is the last time you use that excuse.

Dad, River is making twice what you're making on the show.

But River thought you'd take it better coming from me.

Remember, Dad, you're a great team.

She's a wonderful scene partner.

#Rivelio.

Calm down, Rogelio.

Things are going great on set.

Don't overreact.

Oh, I wouldn't dream of overreacting.

Acting is reacting, after all.

And since I'm a professional actor, I will react in a perfectly professional way.

Believe me.

You may not remember that you were the president, but I do.

Even if you have no memory of why you wanted to save this great country of ours, I remember.

(blowing raspberry)

What the hell are you doing?

Oh, I'm acting with my scene partner, my costar, my teammate.

Well, could you stop it?

It's weird and distracting.

Oh, okay.

Is it twice as distracting as this?

(makes farting sounds)

Because if something on our set was twice as much as something else on our set, I'm sure you'd tell me, right?

So, Xo told you.

That you're a backstabbing back stabber who stabs people in the back?

Yes, she did.

Calm down.

This is beneath you.

Oh, it's beneath me, huh?

You know what else is beneath me?

Or rather, if I may be more accurate, beneath you?

My pitiful pittance of a paycheck.

(laughs)

Why don't we all just take five?

Oh, which means I only get two and a half, right?

(blowing raspberry)

You are really acting like a child!

(squealing)

(laughs)

Hey.

How did the open house go?

A lot of lookie-loos, but no offers yet.

Oh, maybe they were there to look at you.

So did you get the divorce papers?

No, but I did get a picnic basket and roses and asked out on a date.

What?

Jason says he wants to "make sure the spark is really dead." (exhales)

You know, I'm beginning to not like that guy.

I said no, obviously, and the next time I see him I have a whole calm, cool, collected speech I'm gonna give to him about boundaries.

What was he thinking?

I don't know.

But what I did realize was what I really want to do is go on a date with you.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'm liking the sound of that.

(giggles)

(Mateo screaming)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And I'm not liking the sound of that.

Mommy!

Michael came back from the dead!

Just take a nice deep breath, okay?

I don't understand.

How do dead people come back to life?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Good luck explaining this one.

You see, Mateo, Michael wasn't actually dead, he just...

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Got taken by a sociopath.

...had an accident.

And he lost his memory.

How?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: She fried his brain.

He fell and he bumped his head.

Mm-hmm.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ooh, they're good.

And now he has amnesia and he can't remember who he is.

Like in Papa's telenovela?

Crazily enough, exactly like that.

Michael even forgot his name, so he's called Jason now.

Will you ever lose your memory and forget about me?

Oh.

RAFAEL: No.

This is a crazy rare kind of accident that almost never happens.

Are you married to Michael again?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Geez, kid.

Talk about salt in the wound.

Legally, but not really.

What about me and Daddy?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, nothing is changing.

Shh, it's okay.

I'm gonna call Petra, cancel our dinner for tonight.

ROGELIO: Dinner for two.

XIOMARA: Can't eat.

I'm already nauseous.

How was your day?

Oh, fine, fine.

Great.

(clears throat)

Come on...

tell me the truth.

How did it go with River?

I don't know how I'm going to work with that woman for the next seven to ten years.

Look, I know this is hard, and while I agree that you should be getting the same pay as River, you have to admit it's pretty cool that a woman is winning in the fight for gender parity.

Fight for what now?

It's the idea that men and women should be paid the same for doing the same job.

It's a big issue in Hollywood right now.

A-And most people are pro?

Just checking.

A lot of celebrities are standing up for each other and demanding equal pay for women.

William H.

Macy stood up for Emmy Rossum.

Bradley Cooper supported Jennifer Lawrence.

When did you become such a name-dropper?

It's quite a turn-on.

(laughs)

Well, you know, chemo gives me lots of downtime to read these.

Well, I thank you for alerting me to this appalling issue.

Clearly, I need to read more about this important initiative.

Put the books away, girls; it's time for brunch.

Oh.

(phone buzzes)

(sighs)

What's up?

Nothing.

Jason stuff.

(clears throat)

ANNA and ELLIE: Mateo!

He just poured salt on our pancakes.

Mateo, that kind of behavior is unacceptable.

Can you just give him a break today?

You know, he's got a lot going on with Jason and everything.

That's not why I did it.

I did it because they left me out yesterday.

ELLIE: We only left him out because he was hitting Anna.

See?

Like that.

Do not touch my body!

Good girl, Anna.

Mateo, you stop that.

Hey!

What?

Taught them how to protect themselves.

Instead of coddling them.

You know what?

Why don't you discipline your kids and I'll discipline mine?

Works for me.

Good luck with that.

So, basically, be glad you had an open house and missed brunch.

Any offers?

No.

Which means we should go cheap for our date.

No problem.

I'm gonna grab a few more shifts at the Marbella, too.

No.

The whole point of this real estate job was so you could write.

(phone buzzes)

(sighs)

I can't write.

Not with all this Jason stuff.

Did he text you again?

What is wrong with that guy?

I don't know.

Tell him that it's done.

Okay?

Tell him that you're not helping him anymore.

Yeah.

You're right.

RIVER: That is not happening.

I am not fighting for gender parity for you.

That's ridiculous.

But it's what all the A-listers are doing these days.

Gender parity is for women, Rogelio.

Because women should be paid the same.

Just like I should get paid the same.

This is not about you.

You're right, this is so much bigger than me.

It's a fight for fairness and equality.

No.

(sighs)

This is about the fact that I am the bigger name in the U.S.

I am why they green-lit the pilot.

I have worked my ass off to get where I am, and I'm proud that I'm the rare actress in this incredibly sexist industry who's actually getting paid what I deserve.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Sorry, Rogelio.

I'm with her.

Then I will have to stand up for myself.

So watch out.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And speaking of an epic feud...

They called you, too?

Mm-hmm.

(sighs)

I hate you guys!

We're girls, and we're not fond of you, either.

I'm sorry, Ms.

Solano, but we don't have enough staff to handle these three causing chaos all day.

They've done a lot of damage.

(girls groaning)

Oh, please.

How much damage can three small children possibly...?

Wow.

Okay.

No, you're excused.

Girls, this is unacceptable.

It's all Mateo's fault.

No, it's not!

They tied my shoelaces together and ran away.

Only 'cause he hit me!

(gasps)

Did not!

I only grabbed her dress.

You need to learn to use your words, not your hands.

Apologize!

I'm gonna k*ll you!

(screaming)

No.

Oh.

Hey.

(groans)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wow.

I'm starting to wonder if I even want kids.

(girls screaming)

It's just a big mess.

(phone buzzes)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: The Kids' Club?

I'll say.

They just cannot get along.

(phone buzzes)

Hey, what's with all the texts?

(sighs)

River gave my number out to the crew.

I'm now officially the "Rogelio Whisperer," so I've been getting a lot of feedback.

Find any good articles?

Yes.

The "Three-Step" talking technique.

I'm gonna e-mail Petra.

Oh, she's online.

Kismet.

(phone buzzes)

I...

(sighs)

Temp!

Get me an article on how to make siblings get along!

And make sure it's from a prominent pediatrician.

Geez.

Petra has been so snippy lately.

Hmm.

Temp!

Up your game!

Something Jane can't debunk!

Ooh, I think I found the one.

"The family sits in a neutral space and shares their feelings without criticism or rejection so everyone feels heard." That's sounds great, hun.

(phone buzzing)

I got to call your dad, talk him down.

Mm-hmm.

(groans)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Huh.

Look at that.

This is my set, and I can behave however I want to behave!

You can, but what good is it doing besides making the whole crew miserable?

I'm not stupid, Xiomara.

I know everyone calls you the "Rogelio Whisperer," but whisper to someone else, because I don't need to be handled.

I just need to express my anger!

Hey!

I don't need to stand on an apple box, because I don't need to be the same height as River in heels since we don't have to be equals, because, apparently, equality no longer matters in America!

Didn't you hear me?

Get rid of this useless thing!

(people groan)

(high-pitched): Oh!

Medic!

JANE: No kicking...

and no punching.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wait a second.

Where are they?

Oh, I see.

The tent must be their neutral space.

Now, you can only talk if you're holding the stick.

This way, everyone can voice their opinions.

You're not holding the talking stick, Mommy.

Good point.

And that reminds me.

No one can interrupt anyone when they're speaking in the tent.

And...

no grabbing.

(laughing): Oh, I wasn't grabbing.

I was passing it to Mateo.

Now, Mateo, tell us, what do the girls do that make you so very angry?

I don't like it when they leave me out.

They're doing it now!

They're not even listening!

You listen with your ears, not your eyes, dummy.

Ellie, that's rude.

Don't call me dummy!

Oh.

Hey.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Stop it, you dummy!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aah!

OMG!

Take cover!

Everyone out!

Go!

PETRA: You heard her!

Move!

Now everyone go stand in a different corner of the room!

Go!

No fair!

See, I'm always by myself!

(sighs)

Anna, Ellie, I said everyone in their own corner.

No, it's okay, girls.

You can stay together.

Petra, may I see you on the balcony for a moment?

Smile.

We don't want to argue in front of the kids.

Mateo has a point.

It's always two against one.

Maybe Mateo needs to get a thicker skin.

Why are you being so harsh?

Huh?

He's a kid, and he's feeling left out.

Yeah, well, sometimes people feel left out, Jane.

That's life.

You don't think I ever feel left out?

Forget it.

My kids are smart enough to know we're fighting out here.

Let's just drop it.

(sighs)

So, I know you saw Auntie Petra and Mommy fighting.

You guys were fighting?

No.

Yeah.

No.

I-I thought maybe you thought that, but I'm glad you didn't, because you're right, we weren't, so, good job.

(laughs)

Aah!

(clears throat)

So, I-I need you to apologize to Pammy for the mess you made at the Kids' Club yesterday, okay?

Oh, you change your mind?

Ready to go on a date?

Not a date, but I will have coffee with you in exchange for the signed divorce papers.

Ah.

A negotiator.

I like that.

Just like buying a steed.

It's not a negotia...

Coffee's not a date.

It's more of a hangover cure, but maybe we can grab that the next morning.

(bell chimes)

What's your counteroffer?

It depends.

What kind of rod do you like?

Fishing.

Now that's a date.

Fishing actually sounds like the opposite of a date to me.

Oh, couple hours on the water, wind in our hair...

Now are you a worm or a chum girl?

Neither, and I don't want to go fishing.

Why?

You scared that if we spend more time together, you'll catch more than fish?

You'll catch feelings for me?

I am not afraid of that at all.

Then let's go.

It's easy.

Go fishing, and get the signed divorce papers.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Guess he's using the divorce papers as bait.

Fine.

Deal.

If you still want them after our date.

ROGELIO: What do you mean, "if"?

If we finish the pilot?

We have to finish the pilot!

Look, River was just released from the hospital.

Half her face is paralyzed, and we won't know how much permanent damage you did until she gets some feeling back.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: For those of you keeping score, this is the third time that Rogelio de la Vega has sent River Fields to the hospital.

(camera shutter clicks, growling)

(camera shutter clicks, whoosh)

(camera shutter clicks, bell clangs)

If her recovery's too long, we may just have to cancel production.

RIVER: There will be no delay and no cancelling of anything!

The show must go on!

I will act...

with half of my face.

You can just sh**t me exclusively on my unparalyzed side.

Now, let's get to work!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Certain performances are etched in dramatic history.

None more so than River Fields acting with half her face in The Passions of Steve and Brenda.

You could get a full lobotomy, have every organ in your body removed, every feature on your face replaced, but our souls would still recognize each other.

I still love you, Mr.

President.

I will never, ever not love you.

(bell chimes)

Cut!

Oh.

Oh!

(applause)

CREW (chanting): River!

River!

River!

River!

ROGELIO: She was incredible.

She deserves every dollar they're paying her.

Then why do you look upset?

I'm fine.

Tell me.

Why?

Did the crew ask you to handle me?

No.

I'm asking as your wife.

It's just...

yes, River clearly deserves to get paid what she's getting, but so do I.

This is my project.

I fought four years to get it made.

It's my telenovela, my culture, my story I'm bringing to the screen.

Yet somehow, with all of that, I'm only worth half as much as her.

It's not right.

You're right.

It's not.

I did some research, and pay parity affects people of color, too.

So this...

plus, with everything that's going on in this country...

It's always been my dream to be famous in America, but I'm starting to wonder.

Why am I so desperate for validation from a country that doesn't seem to value or accept me?

(keys jingle)

(sighs)

I have planned the perfect date for tonight.

Oh, I...

And it's cheap.

Don't worry.

I have the lockbox code to a luxury estate we're showing on the marina.

We can sit on the veranda.

Have a glass of wine.

There's a pool.

You can bring your swimsuit...

or not.

We should cancel.

What do you mean?

Y-You need to spend time with Petra and the girls, instead.

You've been so focused on Mateo and Jason, I think they're feeling a little neglected.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Sounds like Mateo isn't the only one who needs coddling.

Yeah.

(sighs)

I have been...

preoccupied.

You're right.

Rain check?

There's something else.

My offer of a coffee date to Jason sort of turned into fishing.

What?

I obviously don't want to go, but it's one afternoon, and after, he'll sign the divorce papers, and we'll all move on.

I'm gonna go to the hotel and see the girls.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us...

Uh-oh.

Now, Rafael, remember: calm, cool and collected.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Deep breaths, deep breaths.

Dude, she's my wife.

She is not your wife.

Legally, she is.

She's with me.

I got that.

But I've been learning a little bit about my history, and the way I see it, Jane was with me, and you tried to steal her away, but she still chose me.

We got married, then I d*ed, and you moved in on her.

So yeah, I'm taking my wife out on a date.

It should be noted, in this moment, Rafael understood exactly how Mateo and the twins felt.

(grunts)

(both blowing raspberries)

(both grunting)

Ow!

Owie!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

But, of course, Rafael was an adult.

So instead...

(elevator bell dings)

(sighs)

(sighs)

Isn't this a gorgeous day?

Sure is.

Maybe we can just sit here on the dock and enjoy it from dry land for 20 minutes, then go home.

No way.

We're gonna go out on the water, and we're gonna have some fun.

You know what?

I forgot to go over the rules.

Rule number one: you can't have that look on your face.

Or that one.

Number two?

Not allowed to mention Michael.

And number three: this date's not over till you catch a fish.

Hmm.

Uh-oh.

Looks like someone's violating rule number one.

What kind of stuff do you like to do in your spare time?

I love to read.

For fun?

What else?

I like talking.

A lot.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Nothing wrong with that.

As you know, I'm a huge talker.

Usually about my feelings.

Really like to get in there, examine things from all sides.

That's okay.

Everyone's got their thing.

Mine's hunting.

Hate all g*ns.

Don't like being around them.

Okeydoke.

Got it, no hunting.

Horseback riding?

Did it once.

Not a fan.

But camping, right?

I watched those camping videos.

Looks like someone's on a fishing expedition.

Actually, I used to hate camping, but...

But what?

Permission to break rule number two?

Michael made me go a couple times, and, you know, I still don't exactly like it, but I liked camping with Michael.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Yeah!

You got something.

Yeah, reel it in, reel it in.

Wow, looks like a big one!

Oh.

(laughing)

(laughs)

You were right.

This spot is better luck.

For me, at least.

I know why you don't want me to teach you.

You want to stay out here on the water with me as long as possible.

Okay.

Fine, teach me how to fish.

Now, like I said, you want to move it back and forth just the slightest bit.

And if you feel a bite, don't jerk.

Now, point the rod wherever you want it to land, then slowly bring it back and make a short, sharp movement, letting the rod tip do all the work for you.

(Latin Lover Narrator clears throat)

Um, who knew fishing could sound so erotic?

I feel something.

Hmm?

On the line.

I feel something!

No, don't stand.

(screaming)

Jane!

Jane, stand up.

It's, like, four feet of water.

(gasps)

I caught a fish.

(sighs)

Now will you please sign the divorce papers?

Yeah.

Okay.

Looks like Jane is finally off the hook.

You're late.

And you smell fishy.

Sorry.

Didn't have time to shower.

All right, kids.

Everyone over here.

Pictures of the three of you getting along so you can remember your happy memories together.

You're making a photo album.

Aw, I don't want to.

Me, neither.

PETRA: Glue the pictures or no iPad for a year.

So, how was last night with Rafael?

Fine.

Why are you staring at me?

I'm not.

Do you want a medal because my children got to spend time with their own father?

Geez, what is your problem?

Why are you trying to pick a fight with me?

If you're fighting, you should get in the tent.

Yeah!

Get in the tent.

CHILDREN (chanting): Get in the tent!

Get in the tent!

All right, well, we're in here.

So, what's really going on?

Currently?

I'm trapped in a tent with your fish stench.

Come on.

I understand that you felt neglected because of the whole Jason business, but Rafael didn't mean to leave you out.

He's not the one leaving me out.

You are.

What?

(scoffs)

Never mind.

Oh, wait, wait.

Come...

Do not touch my body!

Fine.

But this is supposed to be a neutral space for talking things out, so share your feelings.

I'm just...

a little hurt.

Well, this huge thing happened with Jason.

And you talked to Raf.

You talked to your grandmother.

Mateo, even.

Everyone but me.

It's like I'm the last person on your totem pole.

I'm sorry.

I just didn't think...

That's the point.

Come on.

You know I love you.

Yeah.

But do you like me?

Well, yeah.

Mostly.

(laughs)

I-I mean, do you like me?

Sometimes.

"Sometimes"?

I said "mostly." They're synonymous.

No, they are not.

"Mostly" is definitely more than "sometimes." Here's how I feel.

I didn't grow up with a sister.

But I feel like I have one now.

Me, too.

Yeah.

Okay, so, do you really want to hear about Jason?

'Cause, honestly, it would be great to talk to somebody that's not my boyfriend or my grandmother.

Yes, definitely.

Preferably someplace bigger.

(laughs): Mm-hmm.

(laughs)

Okay, go.

Start at the beginning.

Okay.

The last three weeks, um, my life has actually been my dad's telenovela.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us here, now.

Rogelio?

I had a change of heart.

I'm with you 100% in your fight for pay equity.

I don't understand.

Well, Xiomara came to talk to me.

Now I understand what you're fighting for.

There are times when one simply must take a stand.

And this is one of them.

Thank you, River.

You may only have half a face, but you have double the heart of anyone I have ever met.

Aw.

Wow.

A total telenovela.

Right?

Okay, so, when he had his arms around you, did you feel anything?

You know, honestly...

...I was scared that I would.

That those feelings for Michael would come back.

I mean, how could they not?

We were soul mates.

But they didn't.

I felt like I was touching a stranger.

'Cause Jason is a stranger.

Are you saying that there's no soul?

That-that-that God has nothing to do with it?

That we're just a collection of memories and experiences?

Okay, look, this religious stuff sounds like something you can discuss with your grandmother.

But...

practically speaking...

you didn't feel anything.

So let him go.

Oh, but don't I owe it to him to keep helping him with his memory?

No.

You owe it to yourself to protect yourself...

and your family.

Look, do you want my advice?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, after Rafael, Xo, Alba, Rogelio, Mateo-- sure!

Tell Jason to leave.

He has a life in Montana.

You have yours here.

What you have with Raf is good.

Don't risk it.

♪ ♪ 'Cause once it's gone...

No change with J.R.?

She told me not to contact her, so I haven't.

(sighs softly)

But I really want to, because I miss her every day.

You can accidentally butt-dial her.

You just, like, let the phone ring a few times and hang up.

She texts you back, you're in.

If she doesn't...

leave her alone.

Okay.

(sniffles)

I'm gonna do it.

(laughs, sniffles)

Oh, Petra, you don't actually have to use your butt.

It's...

No, I was only joking.

(laughing): Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, let's get out of here.

Mm.

You know what you have to do?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us here, now.

Do you want to come in?

No, thanks.

This is really hard to say.

(takes deep breath)

You offered to leave before, because you were disrupting my life.

I need to take you up on that now.

O-Or don't leave.

I mean, you can stay, of course.

It's your life.

But I have to get back to mine, and spending time with you-- any time-- is threatening that.

And I can't do it anymore.

I am so sorry.

I know it sounds selfish, but putting distance between us, it feels like the only way that I can get back to a normal life...

Hey.

I get it.

We're on the same page.

Which is why I already bought a bus ticket back to Montana.

Oh.

Yeah.

I'm sorry I pushed so hard.

It was just...

here was this great girl, who was my wife, and...

I'm watching all these videos, and we're so in love.

You know?

And for so long, I've been out at sea...

by myself.

It felt like a way back to something.

That makes sense.

But that something, it isn't you.

I mean...

if I had to talk that much every day...

I'd go insane.

(chuckles, sniffles)

I hear you.

And planning that date was so exhausting.

I mean, can you imagine us trying to enjoy a Sunday together?

I'm like, "Let's get a beer and see where the day takes us," and you're like, "Let's make a minute-by-minute plan (laughs): and stick to it all day long." Ha!

And talk about bullheaded, I mean, I-I've known wild horses that are easier to break.

All right, already, I get it.

We're really different.

We really are.

So, Jason's going to come by with the divorce papers tomorrow, and then he's going back to Montana, and we can go back to our lives.

Good.

Agreed.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And they all lived happily ever after.

Not so fast.

Where are you going?

Sleep in your bed again.

Nope.

You're a big boy-- you sleep in your own bed.

But...

End of story.

Look at you, laying down the law.

Well, Petra was right-- I do coddle Mateo too much.

And now can we finally have some grown-up time?

Mm, I would love some grown-up time.

Ooh.

Yeah.

Oh.

Mm.

(both sigh)

Wow.

You are welcome to coddle me anytime.

(both laugh)

Mmm.

(phone chimes)

(gasps)

Oh, J.R.

texted Petra back.

Mm.

I'm glad you two worked things out.

Yeah.

I realized she's kind of like my sister.

Which made me think about the way I grew up, as an only child, and...

what that felt like.

And...

would you ever consider having more kids?

I do have three.

And you know I can't have more.

We can adopt.

In the future.

Would you be open to talking about that?

Yeah.

I'd be open to talking about that.

Oh, I like this.

Thinking about our future.

We haven't done that in a while.

I like it, too.

(laughs)

Mmm.

Aw.

Looks like they got their romantic date after all.

Bagel.

Plain and odorless.

And they got theirs.

(sighs): And...

I want to thank you for going to River.

She talked to the network, demanded equal pay, and we got it.

(gasps softly)

That's amazing.

And it's also the last time I get involved in your work.

Because it made you not want to confide in me.

And that's not okay.

I don't want you to ever doubt that I'm...

on your team.

Your real-life co-president.

I love you, Xiomara.

♪ ♪ (phone chimes)

(clears throat softly)

(squeaky grunt)

What?

What is it?

Friends, you'll want to see this, too.

Oh, she's good.

(groans)

No more...

soul mate stuff for me.

I just realized...

(sighs)

Jason isn't Michael, and we aren't connected anymore, and the essential thing that was Michael...

what I thought was the soul...

it's not there anymore.

What?

(doorbell rings)

♪ ♪ Uh, the divorce papers.

Signed.

No funny business.

(chuckles softly)

I'm heading back to Montana tomorrow morning.

So...

I also brought you a parting gift.

Oh.

Wow.

Thanks.

(laughs)

I guess this is it.

Guess so.

I just want you to know...

you're a good person.

And you deserve a good life.

I believe that now.

I mean...

I must have been...

for someone like you to love me.

If you ever need anything...

Yeah.

You, too.

So long, Jane.

Wait.

I'm never gonna use this.

Oh.

(laughs)

♪ ♪ Good-bye, Jason.

(exhales)

♪ ♪ I love you.

(Jane laughing)

I love you, too.

Will you marry me?

♪ ♪ (gasps)

(exhales)

(panting)

♪ ♪