06x06 - Chestnut Gardens

[bunniefuu]

It's nice your dad's trusting us to handle shipment day alone.

My dad's trying to find a new business venture, so gonna be more responsibility coming our way.

A promotion, a parking spot, control over the bathroom code...

69-69.

Yeahhh.

Your uncle's birthday...

June 9, 1969.

Ooh, shipment day!

What bounty has Lady Cattleman's been blessed with?

What are all these?

Walnuts?

- Brazil nuts?

- Deez nuts?

They're chestnuts.

And how would you know what a chestnut looks like?

Because I am one.

Matthew Chestnut.

Eddie, who the "H" is this guy?

He used to be Dad's right-hand man until he bailed to go manage some restaurant vendors at Dollywood.

Dollywood?

There should be a Rebawood.

Louis, I made a mistake when I left.

You're gol-dang right you did.

I know how bad it must've hurt.

It hurt me, too.

But I want to come back...

if you'll let me.

Matthew, after that selfish, foul, disrespectful move you pulled, there's no way I can even think of taking you back.

...until we catch up over some cold ones, partner.

Oh, man!

Ah!

Ah.

Best shipment day ever!

Oh, uh, speaking of, I had to move some crates of onions to the parking lot to do my clever nut bit.

Oh.

You heard your new manager, boys.

Go get those onions outta the sun.

Yeah.

Wouldn't want them to turn into sun-ions.

Oh, God, it's good to have you back.

Great to be back.

Goodbye, promotion.

"Dear diary, today sucked again." ♪ Fresh off the boat ♪ ♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪ ♪ If you don't know, homey, now you know ♪ ♪ Fresh off the boat ♪ ♪ Homey, you don't know where I come from ♪ ♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪ ♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪ Well, Chestnut's back, and it sucks.

Please sit down.

I would love to hear about your problems.

Wait.

What's happening?

- I'm LIEing.

- Nice.

Hey, everyone, I have a funny mom.

No.

It's a technique from my Teacher Administration book.

Listen, Identify, Encourage...

LIE.

I'm not sure how any of that's gonna help with Chestnut coming back to Cattleman's.

Listening...

You have a problem.

He's back one day and already bossing us around.

Identifying...

You're upset.

And he's making all these new rules, like "Delivery personnel cannot eat ketchup or mayo packets." How am I supposed to make Thousand Island in my mouth?

Encouraging...

Chestnut's not a problem.

Suck it up.

Well, Chestnut's back, and it's awesome.

I always liked his wife...

Skinny, angry, thrifty.

- He divorced her.

- Of course he did.

One woman's trash, another man's treasure.

With him running the show, I can finally focus on finding the next chapter of my life.

Now, I know I've tried a lot of stuff, and this is going to seem silly, but I think I've found my next thing...

Gardening.

Oh, I think that's a great idea.

Really?

I thought you were going to say "Oh, hell no," or "A gardener is a hobo wearing gloves," or "Cucumbers attract pedophiles." I am fun, but no, I'm actually glad you found something to be passionate about, and I want to support you.

Wait.

Is this another one of your schoolbook techniques?

- Are you LIEing again?

- No.

I just know how much you've struggled to commit to your next big thing.

If you want to garden, then garden.

I 100% support whatever you choose to do, as long as you 100% support yourself.

Wow.

I really appreciate you having my back on this.

But if you're gonna do it, do it the Louis way.

I have a way?

I didn't know I had a way.

Well, you like helping people.

So instead of vegetables in the backyard, maybe you start a community garden.

That's actually... a great idea.

One small request.

No cucumbers?

Pedophile candy.

_ Can you believe that women's pants don't have length measurements?

What are they, all the same height?

Sexism!

Uh-huh.

And why are you reading this book about V-word speeches?

So I can identify with women to be more believable in the school play as Lady Macbeth.

You got a problem with that, Mr.

Man?

Boys, I'm glad you're home.

I have a small babysitting favor to ask you.

We'd love to watch your girls, get all that precious baby time in before their breath turns.

No, not them.

Marvin.

Sure, but if you want us to take him on walks, that's extra.

I love him, but now that he's retired, he is home all the time, and it can be a little much.

Well, I think it's great you're not conforming to the traditional maternal role that society thrusts upon women and are actively choosing to vacation from the domestic sphere.

Uh, okay.

W...

So, you'll watch him for the day?

He wants to take you out for a ride on his new boat.

A boat ride with Uncle Marvin?

Heck to the yes.

I'm gonna slip-test my new docksiders.

So, while we all laughed when rubber snakes came out of the fire extinguisher, don't do it again.

I know I'm scolding myself.

Owning his own mistakes...

Sign of a good leader.

We're gonna have to send a rescue team to get this guy outta your dad's ass.

Don't worry.

We got this.

Hey, boss, quick pitch.

What about a suggestion box?

That way, employees can safely share their ideas on how to run the restaurant, like a bulletin board for swapping shifts or take-home mints at the host stand.

Or well-defined department boundaries, with particular focus on newly rehired managers who may not realize things have been working just fine for the past year and a half!

Reel it in, dude.

Hmm.

Suggestion box.

That's a good idea.

You know, back at D-wood, Dolly used to say she didn't need a suggestion box 'cause she walked around with two big ones.

Her left ear and her right ear.

Oh.

Ears.

Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking.

Matty's right.

We don't need a suggestion box.

Alright, team, great meeting.

If anything comes up, take it to The Nut.

I gotta get home and crank on my garden.

Whoa!

Garden?

Yeah.

Gonna need to hear all about that.

I do have a great manure mixture, if you need one.

Hmm.

Well, looks like we're stuck with this doofus.

He's got that divorced-man energy.

We can't compete.

So, then the Italian says, "I didn't report my credit card stolen because the thief spends less than my wife." You got your sea legs there yet, Emery?

It's not the boat.

It's these jokes that are promoting grotesque and insensitive...

I'm also a little seasick.

What'd he say?

I just want to catch a big, tasty one, have Honey whip up some fish tacos.

I tell you, that woman is a savant when it comes to cabrilla and cabbage.

My girlfriend, Sicily, microwaves a mean fish stick.

They should meet.

Wait a minute.

Are you both implying it's the man's job to bring home the bacon and the woman's role to cook it?

Huh?

Bacon?

What?

No.

Honey handles all the groceries in our household.

I just want to catch a fish big enough that can eat a license plate.

Mm.

Oh, come on, Emery.

You gotta man up.

Yeah, Emery, grow a pair!

Honey wrote a biography?

What could be in there?

She does nothing.

No.

It's Dolly Parton.

I've accepted the fact that Chestnut's here to stay, so I'm getting ahead of all the sweet sayings I'll be hearing from now on.

Yee-haw.

There was a stretch of time where I was saying "rootin' tootin" a lot.

But I wasn't using it the right way.

Morning.

Oh.

Gardening in a suit, like a rich man.

I like it.

- No.

I'm off the garden.

- What?

After all that searching, I thought you finally found what you wanted to do.

Yeah, and I appreciate you supporting me, but I talked to Chestnut, and he made me realize I should just concentrate on the restaurant.

But I thought you were excited by the idea of the community garden.

Oh, I was, but then Chestnut convinced me I'm better off at Cattleman's.

He left to chase his next big thing at Dollywood, only to learn that the grass wasn't greener.

It was blue.

Bluegrass.

Music.

Well, you know where the grass is greener?

A well-tended garden.

Anyway, he's back to supporting me 100%, just like you.

I rootin' tootin' do.

Looks like Chestnut's an el problemo.

What do you know?

Spanish I is taking.

We all have a common goal, so I suggest we join forces.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Wait.

I'm your enemy?

My new friend.

What is this room?

It used to be Grandma's room, but now it's our w*r Room, where we'll strategize on how to get rid of Chestnut.

Mom hates Chestnut because Dad didn't listen to her about gardening.

It's bigger than that.

It took him so long to find his new path.

I don't want him to give up on something he was so excited about.

Can't you just tell him Chestnut's dumb?

That's something you'd say.

No.

I said I would support him 100%.

But he'll never refocus with that idiot in his ear.

Good luck, because Dad and Chestnut are like a couple of cottontails drunk on sweet tea.

Dern it, why's everything Dolly says so cute?

That's it.

Chestnut once left Cattleman's for Dollywood.

Maybe he'll leave again if the right offer comes his way.

Who is this old couple sleeping?

His parents.

If things get hairy, he needs to know the elder Nuts are within our reach.

- Jane Austen sure can spin a yarn.

- Right?

And as a female author, she had to fight the double standard.

And look at those beautiful blue peepers.

What a dish.

Rowr.

What's gotten into you?

You've been speaking like a 1945 radio show all afternoon.

What are you talking about, baby doll?

"Baby doll"?

"Man up"?

Earlier today, you commented on the weather lady's "gams." Oh, please.

You read one book with the V-word in the title, and you're gonna lecture me on feminism?

I support women.

I literally decorated my room with one...

Brandi Chastain.

You only have that because you got the tingles when she ripped her shirt off.

Objectifier!

Everything's a daytime drama with you.

Oh, yeah?

If you really don't think it's a problem, why don't we call Sicily, comment on her "gams"?

No, no, no, no, no, no!

God, no!

Maybe you're right.

I guess when I'm around Marvin, all that stuff just comes out of me.

But I don't wanna stop hanging out with him.

- Then we just have to change him.

- Tall order.

We're talking about a guy who still calls Germany "Prussia." Hmm.

Hey, Lou, where do you think this little guy's paddling to?

I like to think he's headed upriver to Canada to avoid the w*r.

Ah, the Great Squirrel w*r.

I love the way you think.

Louis.

Nut Man.

M'Cattlelady.

Uh, no.

Okay.

Jessica, what are you doing here?

I'm here to support you since you're fully committed to staying exactly where you are.

That's so sweet.

If Matthew doesn't mind, I would love to see this new griddle you've been talking about.

Oh, yeah, I could show you...

No.

You stay here.

If you're looking for something to do, you should keep an eye on those suspicious-looking boys in the corner.

Curtains up.

We're on.

Oh, no.

He's coming.

Hide the papers.

What do you got there, boys?

God, you're so good.

You got us.

If we tell you, you promise to keep it a secret?

I am a chestnut that doesn't cr*ck.

It's an application for a manager position at a new Tony Roma's.

We want to apply, but we're not sure if we should leave Cattleman's.

It's located at Seaside and 4th.

That is aquarium-adjacent.

Lotta happy, hungry families.

Twice the pay, too.

Full dental.

Certainly interesting.

Um, who is the regional manager?

Uh...

Donny Worthington.

Big believer in upward mobility.

Great golfer.

They are franchising quickly.

Fun suspenders, great ribs...

St. Louis and Memphis style.

It's an ambitious menu.

Uh, Donny Worthington, you say?

Thank you, boys.

He totally bought it.

Tell me everything, because I was so in character, I remember nothing.

You were playing yourself.

I thought I was playing you.

I appreciate your concern, but I treat gals with class and respect.

I'm just from a different generation.

- That's all.

- We know you are.

We just want to make sure you don't offend anybody.

Hey, guys, I was an outdoor boot model for five years, so I think I've earned the right to say "Grow some balls" if I want.

Balls!

Bikini?

Training her early to be focused on having a hot summer bod?

Wow, a real digital clock for the stove.

Mnh.

Someone won't be burning the roast when husband comes home.

Dirty dog.

You guys are right.

I have to learn some of this new stuff so I can be a more sensitive father.

Teach me.

A father and son are in a car accident - and are sent to separate hospitals.

- Mm.

When the boy is taken in for operation, the doctor says...

"I can't operate because he's my son." How's that possible?

It's the boy's mother.

The doctor's a woman.

But then who's the nurse?

What's an appropriate comment for the man to make?

Trick question.

He shouldn't say anything.

And he should keep his eyes above the deck g*ns.

Come on, man.

Oh.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, I know.

Give me a construction hat and teach me to whistle.

I failed.

No.

Open the door for any woman you want, as long as you don't treat her like she's helpless.

The fact that you're thinking about this is a win.

Hey, back to that doctor joke...

Are you sure it's not two gay dads?

I'd like to raise a glass of powdered lemonade to new friends and bonds that can never be broken.

That's enough.

Chestnut was drooling over that fake job.

I bet he's telling Dad he's quitting right now.

Then Louis will see him as the opportunistic weed in his garden of dreams.

Whoa.

Next time, you're toasting.

I had an interesting conversation with Chestnut today.

Just when you think you can trust people...

Oh, don't be upset.

How could you know he'd abandon you again?

He didn't do anything wrong.

The boys tried to trick him into quitting.

A new steakhouse?

Managed by...

Donny Worthington?

I'm sorry, Ma.

I panicked.

I almost said "Dolly Parton" because that's the book I'm reading.

In rehearsals, you never asked for a manager's name.

Wait.

You're involved in this?

I should've known once you showed up suddenly interested in Cattleman's.

Hey, don't confuse your mild frustration with the boys with my enthusiasm over your new griddle.

All those knobs...

Very cool.

Oh, thanks.

Your support is greatly appreciated.

That's how I LIE.

Hey, Trent, you wanna go play in my room?

Go with it.

I'm you.

Let's get out of here.

Go.

Well, I know you have a lot going on, so I'll go punish the boys.

You said you'd support me 100%, and now you're going behind my back?

Well, I thought with Chestnut gone, you would focus on your passion again.

You were so upset when you didn't have one.

I didn't want you to go back to that.

And you thought giving him a fake application to Tony Roma's would solve that?

He bailed on you once.

I thought he would do it again.

He's a name chaser, Louis...

Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton...

Donny Worthington.

The only name Chestnut cares about is Louis Huang.

He didn't come to me to quit.

He came with a bunch of ideas to respond to the new competition.

So those are real glasses.

They're not "dumb person playing smart person" glasses.

Yeah.

He even took my garden idea and improved it...

A beer garden.

Now we're gonna spend every waking minute making it the best Asian-owned Western steakhouse German beer hall run by an Irishman in Orlando.

You know, it's nice having a partner who actually supports you 100%.

Hey, boys.

Thanks for returning my jar opener in one piece.

Honey, you are a strong, independent woman, and you don't need me to help you open up that jar.

Aww, sweet pea.

I'm glad you feel that way.

Yes!

But the jar is stuck, so I'm gonna need you to reach into your purse, find your testicles, and open it.

- Whoa.

- Whoa.

All this sexist language didn't come from Marvin.

It was coming from Honey all along?

Come on!

Hike up your prom dress!

What, are you on your period?!

Come on!

This beer garden's a nightmare.

Chestnut made us bring steins home to get used to the weight.

This thing is bottomless.

Like Porky Pig.

All he wears is a blazer.

Did Donny put anything in there about when the teacher makes a mistake?

No.

That would've been helpful.

Instead, the wimp d*ed before he got to that chapter.

If it helps, I'm blaming Trent.

It does help.

Mmm.

They taste better when you grow them yourself.

Whoa, Grandma.

Those still have stems.

You're growing vegetables now, Jenny?

Where?

In Louis' garden.

Louis gave up his garden, thanks to Chestnut.

He left me in charge.

I am a boss now.

So he didn't give up his garden.

Mmm!

I know nothing about women.

Don't b*at yourself up.

A lot of great men never understood women...

Harvey Milk, Elton John, Freddie Mercury.

Turns out I'm the one who's biased.

I need to take a long look in the mirror.

That's what you always do...

20 minutes fixing your hair, one air kiss, and two finger g*ns.

I made an assumption that all that sexist stuff came from Marvin just because he's an older guy.

- Oppressor.

- And a narcissist.

What if I can't turn this off?

What if I'm just someone that always judges a book by its cover?

Sometimes you gotta judge a book by its cover.

Or else you never would've bought "The vag*na Monologues" in the first place.

You're right.

And I never would have learned such valuable lessons.

As long as you're thinking about it, it's a win.

Sound familiar?

Wow.

All this time we thought we were babysitting Marvin, he was babysitting us.

And your feminism's spreading through the house.

I saw a V-word book in Eddie's room, too.

But it was a magazine and sealed in plastic.

Hmm.

Oh, hey, Jessica.

Kn*fe to s*ab you back, as in my back...

here at the restaurant, with a Kn*fe.

Are you here to s*ab me in the back again?

No.

There's something I have to say to you, and it's not going to be easy.

Well, thank you.

I appreciate you...

Chestnut wasn't the problem.

It was you.

That just turned so fast.

Chestnut didn't make you quit your garden.

You did that on your own, just like you abandoned being a barber and a tour guide and a horse photographer.

Well, the last one was an allergy thing, but thanks for bringing up all my failures.

You're welcome.

Failures are what you're good at.

Oh, I love you, too.

And Cattleman's is not a failure.

I wasn't talking about Cattleman's.

Cattleman's is great.

Louis, think about it.

You come up with something great, and then, when you get bored, you hand it off and then you come up with your next new thing, like when you gave the garden to Grandma.

Well, her wheelchair is perfect for aerating the soil.

Mm-hmm.

I was right to support you.

You are a gardener.

You like to plant seeds...

Idea seeds, business seeds.

So I'm a business farmer.

A business consultant.

You get new ideas off the ground, and then you move on to the next thing that excites you.

It's perfect for you.

Well, if I'm going for it, this is the kind of support I'll need.

Well, then that's what you'll get.

And I promise that Trent will never go behind your back again.

Uh, apology accepted.

Maybe you're right.

If I can turn a condemned strip club into a salmonella-free family restaurant, then maybe I can consult.

You already did it once this week.

I sure did.

What was it?

With your mom.

I thought it was smart to put her in the garden, start her getting used to all that dirt.

You know, I hate to admit it.

Chestnut's kinda growing on me.

Besides a couple of blips, Germany had a pretty fun culture.

Guten Tag, mein fraus.

Whoa.

How are you carrying that many?

Oh, I built up my hand strength crawling out of your father's ass.

You're on, boys.

Well, we did want more responsibility.

I hate this.

I've never felt prettier.