02x03 - Bat Girl Magic!

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER ON TV: He'll want to get this into play quickly.

And he does, then moves it quickly up the field.

They're gonna need to play a far more attacking game...

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

MAN: Mr.

Capalaci.

You order something, sweetie?

[HUMMING]

Champagne, sir.

We didn't order champagne.

No.

Your wife back home did.

Ohh!

She sends her love.

- Raah!

- Olé!

[BANG]

WOMAN: Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

You know, if he really cared, he'd have sprung for the soaking tub for two.

[GASPING]

[NECK SNAPS]

No!

[WHIMPERING]

Now Mrs.

Capalaci, now there's a woman who spares no expense.

I am not cheap, and there are plenty of reasonably priced hitpersons available to handle a perfidious husband and his sudsy paramour.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

This is a Brute Millesime.

Now I could have just as easily picked up a bottle of the cheap stuff, but Mrs. Capalaci insisted on the finer vintage because she wanted you to know that she was willing to spend more on you than her husband was.

No, no.

Aa...

JASMINE ASH: ♪ My body lies over the ocean ♪ ♪ My body lies over the sea ♪ ♪ My body lies over the ocean ♪ ♪ So bring back my body to me ♪ ♪ Last night as I lay...

♪ - [SIGHS]

- ♪ On my pillow ♪ ♪ Last night as I lay on my bed ♪ Uh-oh.

- Are you kidding me?

- ASH: ♪ On my pillow ♪ ♪ I dreamed that my body would have stayed ♪ Ha ha ha!

Well, look at who's getting close to retirement.

ASH: ♪ My body lies over the ocean ♪ ♪ The ocean ♪ - ♪ My body lies over the sea ♪ - [SIGHING]

ASH: ♪ My body lies over the ocean...

♪ [CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

ASH: ♪ So bring back my body to me ♪ Victor Zsasz at your service.

ASH: Ha ha ha!

- I'm looking for Snakebite.

- Get lost.

Seen too much of you lately.

Tweakers bring heat.

There's nothing like this out there.

Go easy.

[WHOOSH]

Ooh!

Unh!

Seriously?

That would have been a 10 if you stuck the landing.

I would have stuck the landing if the boots actually fit.

Huh!

[CLATTER]

You know we don't have an inexhaustible supply of those, right?

About a grand apiece.

We're at about 4 grand now?

- Ugh!

- Ha ha!

Worth it!

[g*nsh*t]

Ugh!

The suit's bulletproof, dumbass.

Who are you?

Batwoman.

Nah.

You ain't Batwoman.

Is that so?

Luke, I need a good comeback.

Luke?

Uh, sorry.

Nothing's coming.

[SIGHS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Does this...

clear...

things...

up?

- [BEEPING]

- Are...

are you beeping?

Yeah.

What is that?

Is that an alarm?

Tag in the GCPD.

I got to go.

Unh!

You got somewhere else you need to be?

- RYAN: Not late.

- STEVENS: Nope.

You had a comfortable 12-second cushion before I would have had to revoke your parole for missing your appointment.

I assume this means you have a day job now.

VESPER: Good morning, Gotham.

I'm looking at a very distant, very fuzzy photo from the other night's Batwoman rally, and dumb question.

Did we get a new Batwoman?

Dumber question.

Is she black?

Don't get me wrong.

I'm all about the representation in G-town, but did I miss something?

So it looks like you're due for a CT scan, see how the cancer is taking to the chemo.

Any new pain?

Not too much, no.

I'm actually feeling pretty energetic.

- That's great.

- RYAN: Hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Your phone is about to ring, and the answer is yes.

Roxanne, will you excuse me?

Hey, Amy.

Can you help Roxanne to the lab?

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.

Thank you.

Come.

What are you doing here?

- I'm in the middle of a consul...

- I'm so sorry.

I just...

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

Mary Hamilton.

Yes, I am the current owner of the hold-up.

Ryan Wilder's parole officer.

Okay.

Hi.

Did I just hire Ryan for a bartending position?

Yes.

Yes.

I was very impressed by her...

fruit slicing abilities.

Yeah.

Okay.

Talk to you soon.

Since when can parolees work at a bar?

She is making an exception because I can't get a job.

Well, this is perfect because working at the hold-up will detract people from thinking you're you know who, and it'll explain why we'll be hanging out together all the time.

- All the time?

- Mm-hmm.

Luke said I'm only keeping the suit warm till Kate gets back.

You make it seem like she's not.

Which one is it?

I have to get back to my patients.

I'll call the bar manager and let her know you're coming in for training.

JACOB: The False Face Society is peddling a new injectable, Snakebite.

It's an addictive psychedelic made from mushrooms and Scarecrow's fear toxin.

Figure out the False Face chain of command.

I am not letting this get a foothold in my city.

MAN: Thanks.

Got it.

Sir, from the crash investigators.

Kate's cell phone.

What is it, sir?

Uh, I need a password for this thing.

Agent Moore might know.

Have you seen her?

You missed a gorgeous sunrise.

Where are we?

Well, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, although I'm a little surprised they got you a companion ticket.

I guess they needed someone to report back I was dead.

You planned on being kidnapped?

I needed a grand gesture to get an audience with the Queen, and what do you get the girl who has everything?

Answer...

you get her so pissed off that she sends her most skilled k*ller to fetch you.

Sorry.

Who did you piss off?

TATIANA: They're awake, my queen.

Good.

Keep an eye on the new girl.

Bring me Alice.

Safiyah?

How do you know her?

How do you know her?

She's been surveilling Julia and me for months.

Hmm.

She always did like to watch.

And why are you here?

To do us both a favor.

You know, it's been a while since I k*lled a queen.

For the record, when you fail and I end up dead alongside you, it's no longer considered a favor.

I poisoned my one true friend Mouse so I could enact the perfect revenge on my family, and Safiyah ruined everything!

If I die today, so be it.

Take her to the Queen.

SOPHIE: Look.

Whatever drama Alice has with you people, I'm not part of it.

I don't need to be here.

No one cares what you need.

_ Great tie.

Italian silk?

- Yeah.

- It goes well with that badge.

Dude, get your hands off me.

Hey.

What?

[CHOKING]

It really does bring out the color in your eyes.

[ALARM BLARING]

Who are you?

Oh.

I'm that guy, but that happy, little tune has really accelerated my timetable, so I need to be on my way.

Just need a few ones and zeroes off your PC.

You have a g*n in your lab.

What kind of a scientist are you?

Your safety's on.

- Oh!

- Oh.

I'm wrong.

It works just fine.

Two shocking deaths at a Hamilton Dynamics research facility early this morning have the company on high alert.

A spokesperson for Hamilton assures the public that no firearms were compromised.

Here's the security footage from the lab.

Guy just waltzed in there in broad daylight.

RYAN: Any idea what he took from the computer?

Hamilton's keeping quiet about it.

Aren't you literally Mary Hamilton?

I sold my share of the company when my mom d*ed, and I'm not exactly close with the board of stuffy suits.

Wait.

You're a multibillionaire?

Why am I only making 12.50 an hour at the Hold-Up?

I...

well...

okay.

Uh, we can talk about it...

When did you start working at the Hold-Up?

When my P.O.

wouldn't get off of my ass about punching a clock.

MARY: We need a manager, and she needs a civilian cover.

Got him.

What's with the mark on his forehead?

Running facial rec.

right now.

Don't bother.

It's Victor Zsasz.

He's a hitman.

He logs his kills with hash marks.

How are you on a first-name basis with a prolific hired assassin?

Because I know people who know him.

What?

We kind of run in the same circles.

- LUKE: You run in the...

- MARY: Ran in the same circles, okay?

Past tense and very large, wide circles, which has now just come in handy because now we know who we're looking for.

My P.O.

is at the Hold-Up looking for me.

I got to go.

What about Zsasz?

I'll deal with him when you find his address.

His scars are works of art.

He ships in some high-end French skin care lotion.

Name translates like a baby's butt or something.

Oh!

Les Fesses de Bébé!

What?

It's really good stuff.

Yeah.

You two, go...

Track the baby's butt.

Yeah.

I got it.

Okay.

[DEVICE BEEPING]

One last meal before the slaughter?

I had you drugged, kidnapped, and shipped to my doorstep.

This is my way of saying no hard feelings.

Come.

Sit with me.

If it's all the same to you, I prefer my poison in pill form.

You think I'd go to the trouble of bringing you all the way here just to poison you?

Yeah, so you could have a front row seat.

I'm not the one who started this fight, Alice.

What is the appropriate reaction to learning my sister's plane was blown out of the sky?

You stabbed me in the back, exposed my island's most precious resource to every opportunist in Gotham.

Well, a wise woman once taught me it's not worth sending a message unless it's loud.

You always were my best student, but I'm afraid you've been misinformed.

I didn't blow up your sister's plane.

Someone wants you to think I k*lled Kate when the truth is I haven't thought about her or you since you left this island 5 years ago, which means the two of us have a puzzle to solve, so sit, my friend, and join me for a glass like old times.

RYAN: Sure you got the right address?

Because what kind of stone-cold k*ller shops at Storage & Stuff?

An actual psychopath.

Found the drive.

Nice.

ZSASZ: You must be the new girl.

Did you find what you're looking for?

B-Batarang?

Somebody used them all.

They run out?

Use the Bo Staff.

While we're all waiting for something to happen, can I make you a drink?

LUKE: There's a button hidden on the side.

So I take it you're the replacement.

What happened to the old one?

She get k*lled, or are you like Sammy Hagar to her David Lee Roth?

You're looking at me wondering which old white guy I am?

Ugh.

Kids today.

No sense of history.

Yeah.

Not gonna sweat some freak who uses his skin as a Kn*fe sharpener.

Well, at least it's my skin because...

and I'm only being honest...

you don't seem very comfortable in yours.

It's like...

Trying to pass for somebody else.

I didn't design the damn suit.

Heh.

I can tell...

because I don't see the Batwoman in you, and maybe that's because...

I don't see the you in Batwoman.

You want to know what I see?

Is it a shoulder-fired surface-to-air m*ssile?

Oh, hell, no!

_ I dove out of a flaming building just for a list of names?

MARY: Just a prolific hitman with a long list of names.

Anyone else have a pit in their stomach?

Let's figure out who they are first.

Janet Evans is...

a ninth grade biology teacher.

Paul Akins...

plumber.

Jamal Walker...

stock broker.

I...

I don't get this.

I'm not seeing a connection.

There's no way we can protect all these people.

What if we don't have to?

Zsasz doesn't find work, work finds him, meaning someone hired him to get this list.

We figure out who he works for, and we stop them.

- But how?

- I ask him.

Because he really opened up to you the last time.

Not as Batwoman.

As Ryan.

Are you insane?

Why would a hitman rat out his employer?

But he does know who you are or at least of you peripherally, so it's worth a sh*t.

Or you become a tally mark over his right eyebrow.

Or I find out who hired him.

You're a billionaire, right?

How much of that is liquid?

Plenty of open seats elsewhere.

You don't remember me.

I dated Angelique Martin.

You're Angelique's ex?

Heh heh heh.

Then by all means, stay and do whatever you want.

Just don't do to me what you did to her.

So you do know me.

I know you broke her heart.

Apologies if I'm overstepping.

I'm just a sucker for lesbian drama.

Heh heh.

She was bad for me.

That's how you know it's love.

Word on the street your last job went sideways.

That mean you're available for hire?

You want me to k*ll your ex?

I want you to take out Alice.

Her Wonderland g*ng k*lled my mom.

Sideways doesn't mean my job's over.

So whose price do I need to b*at?

Heh.

I don't k*ll and tell.

Luke, did I get the sniffer close enough to his phone?

LUKE: Yep.

Vacuumed up all his data along with 3 layers of encryption.

Stand by while I burrow through his most recent contacts, and...

the mystery client is...

Safiyah.

I know you want me to be a bad person, but I'm not.

I didn't k*ll your sister.

Last thing I'd ever do is draw attention to my island.

Then why do I have a note signed by you saying otherwise?

Oh, then by all means, you got me Alice.

My name was on a note.

Then who blew it up?

Clearly someone who thought you still matter to me.

Last year, I worked with one of your men, the r*fle.

Traded a w*apon designed to k*ll Batwoman in exchange for a vial of your Desert Rose serum.

Only I reneged on my end, handed over a broken piece of technology.

Go on.

I'm dying to know how this ends.

You k*lled my entire g*ng in retaliation.

You have a g*ng?

- Had.

- k*lling lackeys.

Sounds tedious.

Or thorough.

If I was being thorough, why are you standing here?

[SIGHS]

So why is Alice still alive?

Safiyah prides herself on being a fair and just ruler.

Safiyah took her in, groomed her to be a soldier, and promised her an eternity of protection and health.

But Alice had her heart set on destroying the Kane family back in Gotham.

So let me guess.

Alice betrayed her?

Alice broke the cardinal rule of the island.

She tried to leave and take a Desert Rose flower with her.

SAFIYAH: I've forgiven you for what you did all those years ago...

Which is why it's going to be much harder forgiving you for this.

You exposed the secret of the Desert Rose to the world.

Coryana is the garden, and I am its keeper.

My family has dedicated lifetimes to protecting its secret.

History is littered with colonizers who come with their false ideals and pillage for their own profit...

the African diamond trade, oil in the Middle East.

Coryana is no different.

Our garden will be ravaged, and our peaceful island will cease to exist.

Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you blew up my sister's jet.

I didn't bring down her jet.

And I didn't expose the secret of the Desert Rose to the world.

I gave it to just one person, and she did the rest.

And who is this person?

Safiyah.

I've never heard of her.

It's one of her many aliases.

The only Safiyah we have in our database has half a dozen European passports with just as many names...

Nasar, Sohail, Patel...

Okay.

So how do we find her?

Well, if she's extremely shady, odds are Ryan's already in a book club with her.

What's your problem with her?

I don't have a problem with Ryan.

Then what's your problem with me?

This is not a permanent gig.

I know.

You've said that a thousand times.

Then why get her a job, lie to her P.O., throw a pep rally every time she does something right?

Because we're her team.

She's the Bat.

She's a stand-in who fits in the suit - until Kate comes back.

- Except she's not!

Kate is not coming back, Luke.

How can you say that after everything we've been through?

Because there are scientific theories on multiple worlds, and there are odds for surviving a car crash.

Do you know what the odds are for surviving a plane expl*si*n mid-air, and even if you do survive the expl*si*n, how do you survive the fall?

You looked me in the eye and said, "miracles happen".

I know...

But so do tragedies.

And the city needs a hero.

It needs a Batwoman, someone who's not perfect but who can show us all that there is still hope despite everything, and that's Ryan.

- Good.

You're still here.

- Oh.

- You need to see this.

- What's up?

Roxanne's CT scans came back.

Oh, no.

Did her cancer progress?

That was the scan from last month.

This...

was from yesterday.

Where'd her cancer go?

MARY, ON PHONE: Stage 3 cancer doesn't just disappear overnight.

- What's the patient's name?

- Roxanne Adams.

According to her medical records, she was treated for the Bat bite the other night.

She's on here.

Then I think this is a list of Hamilton's record of everyone who was treated for the Bat toxin.

Then it should have treated the toxin, not an incurable cancer.

Yeah.

Well, the Desert Rose is a universal cure-all, so I knew it would treat the symptoms of the Bat bite.

I never dreamed that it would cure people's preexisting conditions.

Okay.

Meaning what, that every person on this list has a miracle drug running through their veins?

Ohh!

Oh, my God!

RYAN: Mary?

Zsasz is here.

I need you.

Hi.

You're Victor Zsasz.

I'm actually here to clean up a little mess.

It seems you and I have ruffled some of the same feathers.

Now I have to tie up some loose ends.

Would those feathers belong to Safiyah?

I could tell you, but then I'd have to k*ll you, so I'll just tell you...

yes.

Gah!

RYAN: Okay, okay.

You keep trying her.

I'll suit up.

Oh, and don't k*ll me, but I made some alterations.

To what, the suit?

It's not yours.

I know.

It's Kate's, but if I'm gonna be Batwoman, I'm doing it my way.

But the suit is perfect.

Have you seen the damn wig?

[MARY GASPING]

Aah!

Now let's not get ahead of ourselves.

First I make you bleed, then I make me bleed.

[DOOR SLAMS]

ZSASZ: Don't you get it?

The chase is half the fun.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATES]

Ohh.

You see me now?

New look.

New Batwoman.

SOPHIE: So let me get this straight.

Alice, the defector thief, is granted a private audience with your queen while you, the loyal soldier, gets to babysit me all day.

That's why you hate Alice, isn't it?

If Safiyah lets Alice live today, I need you to be okay with her roaming free in Gotham.

Wouldn't it be easier for the both of us if I dumped her ass in a padded cell?

Easy rarely earns victory.

What victory?

Why are we here?

What do you really want with us?

Are you going to grant her freedom or not?

The second I have the chance, I'm putting Alice away for good.

Then I have no more use for you.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Huh!

Ha!

Okay.

Now that was really something.

Real confidence behind it.

I haven't been kicked like that since...

Well, Batman.

Not trying to pass for him either.

Story for another time, but...

you should ask yourself...

If the person you're inflicting pain on actually enjoys pain...

RYAN: Unh!

At what point, do you just...

give up?

Ahh.

Unh.

Look who's comfortable now.

Okay!

I so dig the new wig!

Ha ha!

I hated what you did, but I'd be lying if I said I hated how you did it.

Poisoning hundreds of people only to turn around and save them just to spite a single enemy.

You got my attention.

This may come as a shock to you, but your approval means very little to me.

Heh heh heh.

Wasn't always the case.

Remember when we met?

You were hiding out on that yacht we were raiding.

You'd just escaped captivity.

Your Mouse locked away, his father out in the world.

You were so...

broken, so angry like a Siren thrashing in her net.

You thanked me for finding you.

You didn't find me.

No.

No.

You found yourself because I taught you how to turn your rage into power, but that rage never included k*lling Kate, and now it consumes you to the point of seeking revenge against her supposed k*ller?

Why?

What happened?

Can't a girl change her mind?

Not the girl I knew.

Not the girl who loved her sister more than anyone.

What happened between the two of you, Alice?

If you must know...

I always thought Kate and I were one and the same, not hero and villain, just two sisters who would do anything for one another...

But I was wrong.

Unh!

Ahh!

Unh!

[GRUNTS]

You took everything from me!

Ohh!

Unh!

Because I gave you everything.

[GRUNTS]

Just like I'll give you your sister.

That's Kate's necklace.

If I blew up Kate's plane with her inside, how could I possibly have this?

[BOTH GRUNTING]

SAFIYAH: That's enough.

What purpose does she serve?

I said that'll be all.

It's been a long time since someone got the drop on that one, let alone without hands.

You have fire in you.

Now I see why Miss Pennyworth stuck around.

We're done here.

ALICE: I am not leaving this island without Kate.

She'll be brought back to the island as soon as you leave.

I'm not foolish enough to have you both here at the same time.

And I'm supposed to just believe you?

I have every intention of giving you your sister back, but before I do, I need you to do something for me.

VESPER: The Bat is back in black!

Last night, Gotham's newest resident made a dramatic debut, putting the pizazz in taking down Zsasz.

Hey, Batwoman.

Love the new do.

You see this?

We got a new one.

The very definition of vigilante is one who acts without recourse to lawful procedures.

Well, yeah, but she's awesome!

Fine.

Let's talk about Ryan Wilder.

I spoke to your employer.

She's been happy with our performance.

She better be.

I saved her ass last night.

We were out of gin.

I, um...

I got more.

Right.

Well, next step housing.

It's on my to-do list.

Do you know what's on Batwoman's to-do list?

Literally saving the city from falling into a black hole of despair.

You need a home address by next week, or I'm writing you up.

_ Yes, ma'am.

[HORN HONKS]

Why am I still alive?

Yeah.

That's probably not a good thing.

Why is that not a good thing?

Because Safiyah spared you, which means she has a crush on you, which is all very well and good until it's not.

Why are you still alive?

Because Safiyah and I need each other.

Toodle-loo!

Hey.

You're still one of Gotham's most wanted criminals.

But if you arrest me, then I can't complete the job that your new...

girlfriend has tasked me with, and then she might never tell me where...

Kate is.

Kate?

WOMAN, ON P.A.: ♪ Waiting for something to go wrong ♪ ♪ Been too good too long ♪ ♪ The calm before the storm ♪ "Bat Girl Magic", huh?

Where did they get a professional photo of you?

You didn't hear?

Yeah.

Mary's doing all my P.R.

now.

Well, of course she is.

Crazy.

My P.O.

is obsessed with her.

Meanwhile, I'm one late appointment away from being a repeat offender.

Well...

people underestimate you.

Yeah.

Still a sick way to hide a secret identity.

Yeah, maybe not when it's coming from the person you're working with.

Just...

- Hmm.

- I got a few more made.

I'll work on my aim.

- That'd be great.

- Heh.

And I wanted to say I'm...

sorry for being so hard on you.

You kicked some major ass yesterday.

I get it.

You miss Kate, but I need you to give me a chance, a real chance till she's back.

Yeah.

Deal.

And, uh...

Let me make some upgrades to the Batmobile.

Okay.

Now you're being crazy again.

"May your memory be a blessing".

It's a traditional Jewish honor for the dead.

I'm not ready to say it yet.

I know I shouldn't have kept how I feel from you.

But it doesn't change the fact that it is how I feel.

That doesn't change how I feel.

_ What's his mask made of...

wood?

Commander says to go after the head of the snake.

According to my C.I., that guy is at the top of the False Face Society.

- You got a name?

- Not yet.

Get one.

I'm not giving the boss a photo of some dude in a black mask.

_ - [KNOCK ON DOOR]

- _ You're here.

NTSB found Kate's phone in the wreckage.

Since you and Mary wouldn't answer my calls, I had the tech team on all night trying to override the password.

Actually, that's why I'm here.

Do you have any idea what in the hell Kate was doing looking into a painting by Jack Napier?

Maybe we can ask her when we find her, sir.

I think Kate's alive.

MAN: Greg, move your head!