01x04 - We Interrupt This Program

[bunniefuu]

Previously on WandaVision.

I'm Wanda.

I'm, Geraldine.

- Wanda.

Wanda?

- Who is that?

You've got two healthy baby boys on your hands.

Is Geraldine inside with Wanda?

Can you believe it?

Twins!

She's new to town.

- No home.

- What do you mean, she has no home?

She came here because we're all...

She came here because we're all what?

What is that symbol?

- Wanda.

- No.

I think you should leave.

- No, I can't.

I can't leave Monica.

- Mom?

It's okay, I can stay with Grandma and...

I can't leave.

Maybe I'll build a spaceship.

I wanna be an aircraft pilot.

When they were handing out kids they gave her the toughest one.

Lieutenant Trouble.

Somebody help!

- Excuse me...

- They're all coming back.

We don't have the capacity.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for a patient.

In room 104...

- Who, my wife?

Do you have a phone?

- No.

I have to call my wife.

Watch out!

Let me help you.

- Are you okay?

You okay?

Take it...

- I got him.

I got him Are you okay?

I'm looking for a patient in room number 104.

I don't know what to tell you.

- Monica?

- Dr. Harley, thank God!

I can't believe it.

- I was...

- Where did you go?

Well, in her room since she came back from the surgery.

I mean, I might've have fallen asleep, but no longer than 20 minutes.

Dr. Harley, where's my mom?

Your mom, she d*ed, honey.

What?

No.

No, no, no, no, you're mistaken.

My mother...

The procedure went well.

You said so yourself.

Clean margins.

You're discharging her today.

The cancer came back.

Okay, stop, stop.

No, you're...

My mom is Maria Rambeau.

Look it up.

I mean...

- Look it up.

"Maria Rambeau."

- Monica, I don't understand what's happening, but you need to listen to me.

Maria d*ed three years ago.

- Three?

No.

No.

No, no...

- Which was two years after you...

After I what?

After I what?

After you disappeared.

Ma'am?

Over here, please.

Hi, good morning.

I work here, and...

If you did, your badge would work.

Right.

- I have a meeting with...

- You know who this is?

this guy.

Captain Monica Rambeau.

Director Tyler Hayward.

Acting Director.

You haven't aged a day.

And you look old as hell.

Come on, let's catch you up.

It's been three weeks and you're the first to report.

Can't say I'm surprised, Captain.

How are the numbers for the astronaut training program?

Dismal.

Lost half my personnel in The Blip and half of those remaining have lost their nerve.

The program hasn't been the same since you've been up there, Rambeau.

Shifted away from manned missions and refocused on robotics, nanotech, AI.

Sentient Weapons, like it says on the door.

It also says "Observation and Response" on that door, not "Creation." World's not the same as you left it.

Space is now full of unexpected threats.

Always was full of threats.

And allies.

Listen, Monica, I just wanna acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation.

I know S.W.O.R.D.'s your home.

Your mom built this place from the ground up.

You grew up here.

You should've been here to help name the replacement.

You were the obvious choice.

- I was the only choice.

- I wasn't gonna say it.

Look, Tyler, you know the job you have to do.

I'm here to do mine.

Let's get you back out there.

The FBI is in a tizzy over a missing persons case up in Jersey...

- "Missing persons"?

- I know.

But they have requested use of one of our imaging drones, and I need a chaperone.

Tyler, drones usually chaperone me.

- I get it.

- Look, if this is because of...

You don't have to worry about me.

I'm good.

There's no easy way to say this, but you're grounded.

- I'm sorry, what?

- Terrestrial missions only.

You're kidding.

For how long?

Whose protocol is this?

Your mother's.

She implemented guidelines in the event vanished personnel ever returned.

Look, I know it's a raw deal, but there is one positive takeaway.

- What's that?

- She believed you'd come back.

You'd be doing me a big favor with this FBI thing, - but if you need more time...

- No.

- No.

I'm good to go.

- Excellent.

Keep me updated, Captain.

Okay.

No problem.

James E.

Woo, FBI.

Monica Rambeau, S.W.O.R.D.

What's the story here, Agent Woo?

I've got a witness set up down the road in Westview, and this morning, it looked like he flew the coop.

Your missing person is in the Witness Protection Program?

I have contacted known associates, relatives...

And let me guess, none of them have seen him either?

No.

None of them have ever heard of him.

Something seemed hanky to me, so I took the first flight out of Oakland to interface with local law enforcement, which is when I encountered a new wrinkle.

What is that?

Here we go.

Pardon me, Sheriff.

Would you mind repeating your claim about Westview to my colleague here?

No such place.

You're saying the town of Westview, New Jersey, doesn't exist?

It's what I keep telling your G-Man here, but he won't listen.

I see.

And, I'm sorry, what town are you from?

Eastview.

Thank you, Sheriff.

I'll reach out if we need any further assistance.

I, pulled phone numbers for all the residents.

I'm only through the Ds, but so far I got Diddly Squat.

So you can't reach anyone inside and everyone on the outside has some sort of selective amnesia?

This isn't a missing person's case, Captain Rambeau, it's a missing town.

Population 3,892.

Why haven't you gone inside to investigate?

'Cause it doesn't want me to.

You can feel it too, can't you?

Nobody's supposed to go in.

- What about you?

- Me?

Well, I'm from Bakersfield, originally.

Growin' up, other kids had Michael Jordan posters on their walls, but I had Eliot Ness.

No, no, no, no.

I mean, why is it that you have an awareness of Westview?

Or me, for that matter?

Is it because we are outside of a certain radius, or maybe because we don't have a personal connection?

- Wait, where'd it go?

- It was right there.

Whoa...

What is it?

Some sort of energy field.

Careful, Rambeau.

Captain Rambeau!

Watch it.

Rambeau!

Captain Rambeau!

Captain Rambeau!

Hey.

- What's your field?

- We're not supposed to talk to each other.

- Boy Scout leader.

- Got it.

And you?

Nuclear Biology.

Artificial Intelligence.

Astrophysics.

We got the full clown car.

It means whatever the thr*at is, S.W.O.R.D.

clearly has no idea what they're dealing with.

- I'm a chemical engineer.

- No one cares.

All right, grab your gear.

All right.

So...

In the meantime, one of you guys check in on Hutch, make sure he's ready to get those drones up in the air.

Okay?

Give him a hand.

Thanks.

Ms.

Lewis?

Dr.

Lewis.

We have your gear set up inside.

Those drones you're sending in, what kinda data are you getting?

I'm afraid that's highly classified.

You can't see anything?

FBI, Army.

I saw the Air Force Office of Special Investigations out there.

Research Lab, Space Command, too.

A bona fide, joint, multi-service response.

Looking forward to commemorative T-shirt.

Is there somewhere a lady could get a cup of coffee?

You guys look like you might get down with those little pod things.

- Horrendous for the environment...

- Make your assessment, please.

Whoa...

I mean, whoa...

What're you getting?

A colossal amount of CMBR.

- CM...

- Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation.

We've been told the radiation is within a safe limit.

It is...

For now.

Wait, what do you mean...

There are longer wavelengths superimposed over the noise here.

I got it.

I need a TV.

An old one.

Like, not flat.

- You good to go?

- Yes, sir.

These sewers will take you straight into town.

- Try to find anything you can on Rambeau.

- Copy that.

Agent Franklin.

We will keep this channel open for you.

Copy.

Keep me updated.

Director Hayward, between you, me, and the bedpost, I am not confident about this mission.

Thanks for the feedback, Jimmy.

If only my drones were as forthcoming.

There's no reason to suspect the perimeter doesn't extend subterraneously.

There's no reason to suspect it does.

We don't know about the nature of the thr*at to send another agent - when the first is yet to return.

- Someone must miss you back in Quantico.

No, sir.

Softball season's over, sir.

What do we have up?

Radar, lidar, sodar, infrared.

Cycle through.

Will someone get me a useful visual, damn it?

What is that?

Can I see you - in the kitchen, sweetheart?

- Who's doing that?

- Who are those people?

- What are you wearing?

- Why are they here?

- What are you wearing?

- Well, it's our anniversary!

- Our anniversary of what?

Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!

- Is that...

- Yeah, it looks like her.

You move at the speed of sound, I can make a pen float.

Who needs to abbreviate?

Look, I know it's been a crazy few years on this planet, but he's dead, right?

Not blipped, dead.

Excellent plan.

Where's the tenderizer?

What am I looking at?

You?

What is this?

Where's this coming from?

Out there.

You didn't answer the back door.

For your upside-down cake.

Hi, I...

- Is it authentic?

- I'm not sure how to answer that.

Is it happening in real time?

Is it recorded, fabricated?

I don't know.

I don't know.

And I don't know.

What do you know?

My equipment registered an extremely high level of CMBR.

That's...

Relic radiation dating back to the Big Bang.

Yeah, entwined was a broadcast frequency.

So I had your g*ons pick me up a sweet vintage TV.

And when I plug this bad boy in, voil?, sound and picture.

Dinner is served.

So you're saying the universe created a sitcom starring two Avengers?

European.

It's a working theory.

Get me a transport back to headquarters now.

- Are we recording this?

- Never stopped.

I need immediate analysis.

Now, people.

Let's go!

He's a charmer.

- Great work.

- Hey, thanks!

Maybe I could get that coffee now?

Or not.

That's cool.

Aw!

Aw.

First and foremost, our main objective is to get any intel on Captain Rambeau, but originally, this case was a missing person, so we're going to start there.

We've successfully identified two individuals inside the Westview anomaly.

Let's keep going.

This guest is leaving your home.

Yes, thank you for coming.

Mr.

and Mrs.

Hart.

Played by Todd and Sharon Davis.

Computational forms.

And no one can process the data - quite like you do, pal.

- Agent Woo.

You're like a walking computer.

Abhilash Tandon is Norm.

Harold Copter is Jones.

We got Isabel Matsueida cast as Beverly.

John Collins as Herb.

- Really?

- Does she seem okay to you?

Well, she doesn't appear to be harmed in any way, but that is definitely not the boss lady I met yesterday.

So what, deep cover?

Monica has to play along?

With whom?

Or else, what?

All right.

Brass tacks, Dr.

Lewis.

What are we lookin' at here?

Is it an alternate reality?

Time travel?

Some cockamamie social experiment?

It's a sitcom.

A 1950s sitcom.

But why?

Hey, man, we're working with the same scarcity of intel.

But, listen, I do have an idea.

So, you've seen that radio in Wanda's kitchen counter, right?

The next time she's washing dishes, which, by my count, happens about once an episode, barf, we'll sh**t a signal to that little guy.

This transmitter will mimic the frequency of the broadcast, and if my theory is right, allow us to speak directly to her.

This is totally gonna work.

Don't touch that.

Agent Woo.

Is this from the current episode?

- Aired about two minutes ago.

- What is it?

What does it look like to you?

Like a retro version of a sword S.W.O.R.D. Drone?

- Bingo.

- But how did it change and why?

To go with the production design?

Or render it useless.

- Why'd you colorize it?

- I didn't.

Let's get this show on the road.

Jimmy, you ready?

Ready.

bigger and better every season.

Jimmy, Monica is talking to Wanda.

She's got a speaking part now.

What is she saying?

Those pants are peachy keen.

She likes Wanda's pants.

We only have a few hours...

Wanda's at some sort of swim club.

We've never been here before.

Is it the '60s still?

Wanda's with another character.

Real person?

I can't help but wonder if you and I haven't gotten off...

Ooh, radio on the side table.

Start talking.

Wanda.

Wanda, can you read me, over?

I don't...

- Can she hear me?

- I don't think so.

Keep trying.

Wanda?

Wanda?

Wanda.

Who is doing this to you, Wanda?

Wanda?

Can you hear me?

I'm here to help you.

Please give us a...

Pop quiz, Wanda.

How does a housewife get a bloodstain out of white linen?

Wait.

- What?

- I don't know.

By doing it herself.

- That was weird.

- What was?

They say a man is never fully-dressed without two important...

Nothing.

It's over.

Mission failure.

It was worth a try.

Good effort, Doctor.

Yeah, come on in.

Agent Franklin, we have you five meters outside of the perimeter.

Agent Franklin?

Wanda.

No.

That's better.

Darling, do you think it's time to...

- Call the doctor?

- Yeah.

Yes, I do, dear.

1950s, 1960s, and now the '70s.

Why does it keep switching time periods?

It can't be purely for my enjoyment.

And I can't believe Wanda and Vision are having a baby.

You want any?

Heck, I thought about it for sure.

A little Jimmy Woo.

Get him a tiny little FBI badge.

You...

Chip?

Sure.

You're doing great.

You're doing great.

Look at me.

Look at me.

The jig is up.

It's time to start pushing.

You ready?

Push, Wanda.

Push!

Hi.

He's perfect.

Twins.

What a twist.

What?

I'm invested.

He was k*lled by Ultron, wasn't he?

Did she just say the name Ultron?

Has that happened before?

A reference to our reality.

No.

Never.

- I'll take a shift rocking the babies.

- No, I think you should leave.

Wanda, don't be like that.

Who are you?

Wanda...

Wow, this is different.

- What happened?

Where'd she go?

- God, not again.

- Who are you?

- Wanda...

There's nothing here.

One second, Monica is standing right there, and the next, she isn't.

- Someone is censoring the broadcast.

- But where's Rambeau?

Alert!

Boundary has been breached!

Alert!

Boundary has been breached!

Alert!

Boundary has been breached!

Who are you?

I don't...

Who are you?

Wanda, I'm just your neighbor.

Then how did you know about Ultron?

You're not my neighbor.

And you're definitely not my friend.

You are a stranger and an outsider.

And right now, you are trespassing here.

And I want you to leave.

I...

I... (BABIES COOING) Wanda?

Where is Geraldine?

She left, honey.

She had to rush home.

What?

What is it?

What's wrong?

We don't have to stay here.

We could go wherever we want.

No, we can't.

This is our home.

Are you sure?

Don't worry, darling.

I have everything under control.

Monica, are you okay?

It's Wanda.

It's all Wanda.

Hi.

Well, what should we watch tonight?