Ellie!
What the hell?
There are pictures all over the internet of Security dragging you out of the office.
What happened?
‐ They wanted to change Pooka.
And I can't have that.
They just don't understand.
You can't improve perfection.
Perfection!
Well, that's just great.
That's just f*cking great.
Go and get yourself fired because they changed your stupid toy?
Stupid toy.
‐ Why are you even working on that thing?
‐ They can't make Pooka without me.
Pooka and I are one.
No! No, no, don't hurt him!
No, no, no, it's okay, it's okay, you didn't do anything wrong.
You didn't do anything wrong.
He just doesn't understand.
Understand.
‐ Are you for real?
Now, you have officially lost your mind.
You have gone insane!
I am so done.
Done.
‐ All right.
That is it!
No!
‐ I am gonna f*cking m*rder all of these things!
‐ Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up.
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
Derrick!
Hey, you made it!
‐ Hey, Molly.
Oh! This is gonna be awesome!
Big city man back in Spring Valley.
Come on, what?
‐ We got your room all set up, but it's no fancy New York apartment, I'm sorry. ‐ Yeah, we won't charge that much rent. ‐ Oh, he's kidding.
Can you go get his bags, Matt?
‐ Yep. ‐ Good. Come on.
Really glad you guys let me stay here.
Oh no, we're thrilled, especially Matt.
‐ How much did you pack, man?
I see you still have a thing for crystals.
‐ Huh! These are just the ones I let her keep in the house.
‐ Let me?
I'm sorry for trying to balance the energies of our living space. ‐ All right.
‐ Hey, Lauren, we're gonna go eat now.
Okay, Mom.
‐ Make sure to pay attention to Becky, okay?
‐ You got it, Mrs. C.
Whoa!
Hey, aren't you that guy that like‐‐
‐ Bye, Mom; bye, Dad... and stranger.
Hey, baby?
This is Derrick.
He's my friend from when I was your age.
Hi, kiddo.
‐ He's gonna be staying with us for a few months, just until things, like, blow over.
‐ He doesn't look like he sh*t himself in the foot.
‐ Okay!
Hey, Becky, remember to check her closet, or else you're never gonna get her to sleep.
‐ Right. ‐ Bye, kiddo.
‐ Wait, you didn't say bye to Jenni!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Bye‐bye, Jenni!
‐ That's an imaginary friend.
I don't get it.
‐ It figures Molly's kid would have an imaginary friend.
‐ Right. ‐ What?
‐ So, where are we going?
Wow. This place has not changed at all since we were kids.
Yeah. That's why we like it.
It's consistent and reliable.
‐ Somebody report a stolen car?
Bennie, holy sh*t!
What happened to you?
Aww!
What do you mean, what happened to me?
‐ You lost, like a whole person here!
You look good! Oh, thank you, man.
Well, it's a lot of CrossFit.
Gotta stay competitive when you're one of only five gay people in a 50‐mile radius.
So what brings you back home, man?
We never thought we'd see you again back here after you left town.
‐ I wouldn't call it home, exactly, but, uh...
I just needed a little break from New York, and Matt and Molly graciously decided to put up with me.
‐ Now, what are you talking about?
We have been trying to get you to come back for years.
He even got a job at SCI.
Yeah. Remember when we thought that English degree would never amount to anything?
Now he's working for Pooka!
You get to write about Pooka!
Hey, you know who else works at SCI?
‐ Hm.
‐ Susan.
‐ Susan!
Thanks for the heads‐up, Moll.
Yeah, we broke up, like, a decade ago.
I'm pretty sure she moved on.
Yeah, but Derrick, though, real talk, she has aged so well.
Oh my God, Matt, what‐‐
‐ No, I mean, and so have you!
We have all aged very well. ‐ Matt, good luck with that.
Hey, but seriously, is that your black sedan out front?
It's been reported stolen.
I ran the plates and it's registered under your name so I'm gonna assume you didn't steal your own car?
Yeah, probably someone from my, um, online fan club.
Huh, that's a weird thing for a fan to do.
Listen, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to bring you down to the station tomorrow and sort it out.
‐ Yeah, no problem.
‐ Uh, I gotta get back on patrol, but can we all hang out tomorrow?
It'll be like the old times. Yeah, yeah.
Come by the house around 700, huh?
‐ All right.
Gimme an excuse to get dolled‐up.
Bye.
‐ He has no idea how good he looks, does he?
‐ Completely oblivious. ‐ Got it.
‐ Mm‐hm! Round two.
‐ So how are you guys doing?
‐ Uh, we're okay.
Matt's still working at the car dealership and still watches nothing but football.
I still have the boutique.
Yeah, same old, same old.
It's all very fine.
‐ Very Spring Valley, you mean.
Honestly, I'm really glad you're here.
I needed a change too.
Hey, Molls, we gotta go.
Lauren had another one of her nightmares.
You know, I blame her imagination on you.
‐ Yeah, well, she definitely didn't get it from you.
‐ Oh! Hey.
‐ Sorry, Mrs. C., I couldn't get her to go back to sleep.
‐ Hey, baby!
What happened?
‐ I'm scared all the bears are going to die because global warming is destroying our planet and they can't hibernate!
She wanted to hear a bedtime story but it freaked her out.
‐ Oh, you mean that nature one?
‐ Yeah. ‐ Yeah, I like to change the ending on that one, it gets weirdly dark.
‐ Oh. ‐ Well, thanks, Becky, you can take off if you want.
‐ Thanks. Sorry again.
‐ Ah!
‐ See you around, squirt!
‐ All right, bug, let's get you to bed, huh?
Come on, I'll be your bear, come on.
Say goodnight to Derrick! Goodnight.
Hey, I'll show you to your room.
You get to stay in Matt's man cave.
What up, Jaxers?
It's ya boy, Jax.
Back at it again with another video, you already know what's good.
Got a quick lil' update about that doucher, Derdick.
He is now officially cancelled!
Oh, baby!
So shout‐out to you all for making sure everyone knows how much of a loser wannabe he is.
No one messes with Jax, baby, mm, mm, mm.
Anyways, just gonna leave a little friendly reminder of all his socials on the screen if you wanna say, like, hi, you know, or whatever.
Jax out, baby.
Here we go.
So you're the new guy.
‐ Susan!
We have gotta stop meeting like this!
Well, you know, I was here first, so... ‐ Ah, yes.
‐ Ooh, so since Kathy is talking to Jim, I'm guessing that everyone's gonna know about that whole Internet pariah thing by, like, lunch.
‐ Is there anyone on this planet who doesn't know?
‐ I mean, you were trending.
‐ Susan!
Crazy thing.
I still don't have the new Pooka design on my desk yet!
You know, the unveiling's next week.
Were you...planning to do that today, or‐‐ Yes, yes; sorry, sir, it's on the way.
‐ You're the new copywriter, huh?
Well, it's nice that the company's taking on a #charitycase.
Just try to keep a low profile, huh?
Get him started on my speech ASAP.
‐ Mm‐hm.
‐ Who is he? Amir.
He's the general manager.
He's been up my ass about this whole Pooka redesign we're launching next week.
But if you have any questions, I'm over in Marketing.
We're, like, somewhere over in that general vicinity.
‐ By the other generic cubicles?
‐ Yeah. ‐ Got it.
‐ Cool.
See you around, stranger.
‐ See you around, stranger.
Boo! ‐ Whoa, dude!
Chill out!
I was just messing with you.
‐ What is happening?
‐ Name's Andy.
I'm in charge of social media.
Had to get some promo sh*ts with the OG Pooka here for Insta.
Wait.
I recognize you.
You‐‐you're the new copywriter?
‐ Yeah.
That's me. Cool.
That means you work for me.
‐ Wow.
You are... very young.
‐ Yeah. Got fast‐tracked.
Dad's an associate regional manager!
So that's the original Pooka doll?
Yeah, the one and only.
You know the story about the chick who created it, right?
‐ No.
‐ She went nuts, k*lled her husband, and lit herself on fire.
‐ Really?
‐ Yup.
f*cked‐up, huh?
Hey, anyway, peace out, Derrick.
What up, Jaxers?
It's ya boy, Jax, comin' at you with some hot goss.
But first, a very special shout‐out to a truly dedicated Jaxer for trackin' down our favorite loser.
Aww, poor Derdick!
Looks like he went a little wee‐wee and ran all the way back home!
I think it's my duty to give him a, uh, very special homecoming.
So if there are any Jaxers in the Spring Valley area, make sure to do your very best to welcome him back.
Hey. What are you doing back?
‐ Some asshat f*cked with my car.
Oh.
"You sux"? ‐ Right?
If you're gonna insult a writer, at least use proper grammar.
‐ You gonna go to HR?
What happened to keeping a low profile?
‐ Maybe you're right.
Well, either way, I'll see you tonight.
Tonight?
‐ Yeah, at your welcome home party.
Molly texted me about it?
Oh...was that a surprise?
‐ To me, it was.
Oops. Um... well, see ya there.
‐ Yeah. Bring alcohol.
Please, yeah. ‐ Okay, yeah.
Remember that time when we, uh, tried to TP Mrs. Kruger's house?
‐ We tried to TP her place but you couldn't get the TP roll over the tree.
You know what?
Matt was the athlete, not me, right?
‐ I had the muscles to take it over the top, baby!
‐ Had. ‐ Aww!
Hey, Bennie, you might wanna take it easy on those brownies.
They're, uh, Molly's special recipe.
‐ Mm! Honestly, these are fantastic!
‐ No, it‐‐
‐ You put weed in here?
‐ Yes! No! I can't get high!
I'm a sheriff's deputy. ‐ Sorry!
‐ Oh, what the hell.
So good.
‐ You guys, this is so much fun.
It's just like when we were kids, right?
This is making me miss being 16.
I just wanna be 16 again. Are you kidding me?
Do you know how awful it would be to be a teenager now, okay?
Social media's the worst invention ever.
‐ All right, I can't do it.
Everyone's dancing around the issue and I have no idea what's going on, so I gotta ask, Derrick, what is it with you and the internet thing?
‐ Bennie! No, it's fine.
Figures Bennie wouldn't know.
I, um, wrote a book about online personalities that pissed off one of the biggest influencers on the internet, some douchebag named Jax.
‐ I'm sorry, man.
I know he's ruining your life, but...
Jax puts out the funniest videos.
‐ Mm...um...
‐ Wait, didn't his videos hurt kids?
Like, they were eating marbles and, like, rupturing colons?
‐ Yeah‐‐kids, adults, a lot of people did it.
Like, a lot of people do it, like, all kinds of people, adults too.
Um...so what happened?
He made it his mission to ruin my life.
Sent his horde to crucify me on social media, flooded online sites with bad reviews, boycotted my publisher, k*lled sales.
He, uh, destroyed my career.
All that work was just erased from existence.
Might as well have been dead.
Dead!
‐ Oh!
‐ Mom? I had a nightmare.
Oh, baby, come over here.
Was it about pomegranates again?
Look, I know those seeds are weird, but it's just a fruit, I promise.
‐ No, it was Momo.
Oh, sweetie is that, like, a K‐pop band?
Uh, no, not exactly.
Momo is a dumb, scary‐looking doll thing with big bug eyes, right?
‐ Oh yeah, Kathy sent that to me.
Bunch of kids made up a story that if you don't do what Momo says, she'll make you‐‐ ‐ Mm...mm...
‐ do...do bad things. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, someone sent it to Matt and he accidentally showed it to a certain little girl.
‐ All right, let's get you to bed before Mommy sics Momo on both of us.
Say goodnight!
Goodnight, everybody, let's go, let's go...
All right, bug, goodnight, muah!
‐ Don't forget Jenni!
‐ You know Jenni's not real, right?
‐ Don't listen to him, Jenni.
Mom says we can manifest ethereal entities with our psychic energies.
‐ Right. Okay.
Uh, goodnight, Jenni, muah!
Don't keep her up too late, okay?
She is just like I was when I was little.
‐ Weird as f*ck?
So what's with the whole m*rder‐su1c1de thing in Pooka?
‐ You didn't hear about what happened last year?
‐ It was Ellie Burgis.
Do you remember her? She was in our class.
She used to sit in the back row and, like, eat her own hair?
Oh, Ellie Burgess!
Yeah, Ellie Burgess and I went on a couple dates back in the day.
Talk about a b*llet dodged.
She actually came up with the idea for the doll when she was working in Accounting.
The company bought it off of her, but then they wanted to do a remodel to spruce it up and she went berserk and Security had to, like, escort her out of the building and she did it that night.
You know, I was the one that got called to the scene that night.
‐ I don't wanna hear about this. ‐ Oh, I wanna hear about that.
‐ Come on. ‐ No!
Well, we needed forensics to tell the bodies apart because they were so charred.
You wanna know the creepiest part?
‐ Because that wasn't creepy enough?
‐ She was wearing a Pooka mask when she did it and it melted to her face.
Bennie! Why do you have that on your phone?
You brought that up so fast!
‐ What would make someone do that?
‐ Hey, use the doorbell!
Jesus Christ! No, I got it, I got it.
‐ Okay. ‐ God.
You suck, Derdick!
‐ What is going on?
‐ Well, bad news, Matt and Molly.
Apparently, the Jackoffs know where I'm staying.
‐ Maybe you should send Momo after them.
‐ Or Ellie, huh?
Right? Just imagine just a crazy chick in a melted Pooka mask.
That's scarier than Momo.
‐ What if we did that?
‐ Did what?
‐ What if we made our own Momo?
But for adults, based on Ellie?
You know, really f*ck with other people online for a change, especially Jax.
We could go viral.
‐ But how do you make it, you know, spread on the internet?
Oh, people love to join in on stupid sh*t.
We just come up with some ridiculous ritual that you can do to summon Pooka.
It'll be like Bloody Mary meets the ice bucket challenge.
Okay, okay, what could the ritual be?
Well, if it's involving Pooka, maybe we have 'em do the Pooka dance thing, the Pooka‐see, Pooka‐do thing, like, whatever that is?
Okay, yeah, that is kinda cute.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, something like that, but... more stupid. ‐ Yeah.
Well, she b*rned herself alive.
Why don't we get people to eat something really, really spicy?
‐ No, the spicy food challenge stuff, like the Hot Ones thing, that's played out, that's too hacked.
But eating something, that's always a big thing.
That's good, but what would it be?
‐ What about ash?
‐ Morbid. I love it, Susan.
‐ Thank you.
In order to do the full ceremony, you eat ash, symbolizing the Salem witch trials, where her ancestors were punished.
Put on the Pooka mask and do the Pooka dance while singing the full lyrics.
The spell goes, "Pooka see, Pooka do.
If you're bad, he'll come for you.
With fuzzy ears and eyes of red, you'd best behave or else you're dead."
All right, I think I got it.
Ellie's fake family history about her ancestors being witches, bunch of random mysticism courtesy of Molly.
‐ Yeah! ‐ Mm‐hm.
‐ You do all of this and Pooka will judge if you're naughty.
You can even challenge your friends to join in.
‐ That's where it's at.
Uh, yeah, guys, I don't know about this.
That's an angry spirit you're messing with.
Can we just not post it?
Molly, see, this is why Lauren always has nightmares, 'cause you talk about this stuff like it's real.
‐ Oh, come on, Molly.
Live a‐‐live a little!
‐ Bennie, you're so stoned!
Stop eating the brownies!
‐ But they're delicious!
Oh my God, you're so high!
‐ But seriously...
I think you should post it.
Because if Amir sees it, he will lose his sh*t.
‐ Done.
‐ Ah.
All right, you're finished, great.
But this creative genius has got to go to bed.
Finished!
‐ Oh, I'm never getting high again.
‐ Hey, Jaxers!
It's ya boy, Jax. Ya'll have been begging me to try this whole Pooka Challenge.
Here we go. Now, if I've been naughty, which, come on, I'm Jax, y'all, Pooka will come and b*at the sh*t outta me, okay?
So I've decided to risk it all for you Jaxers.
Here we go.
Bone apple teeth!
Yecch.
That's nasty.
Uh, I challenge my bros Frotropious and WillyTT to take the challenge.
Subscribe.
Yo, you have to do the Pooka Challenge.
Even Jax did it.
Get me a Pooka mask stat.
‐ What did Jax do?
Um ...it's called Google, old man.
‐ Holy sh*t, we're trending!
‐ Oh my God, did you see?
‐ Yes, yes, we actually went viral!
‐ I know, right?
By the way, ash tastes terrible.
‐ What‐‐you... you actually tried it?
We made it up! ‐ I know, I had to!
Kathy made everyone in the office do it.
But, you know, good work, copywriter.
So, hey, would you maybe wanna get dinner tomorrow?
You know, catch up?
‐ Oh, yeah‐‐uh, yeah, sure.
Cool. Well, how 'bout Footsies?
‐ Is that like literally the only restaurant in town?
‐ What? I love the breadsticks.
Susan!
‐ Yeah. ‐ We are facing a code red PR crisis.
What are you doing to help out, exactly?
‐ I'm just giving Derrick notes on his copy for Pooka Day.
‐ Okay. Your little‐ass pal is the least of our worries.
I need you to please get your head in the game.
‐ Mm‐hm, I'm sorry, sir, I'm‐‐I'm coming.
Oh‐ho‐ho my God!
Stores are selling out of the Pooka mask.
We better be getting a fat royalty check for this.
‐ I thought I imagined this whole thing.
Do not ever let me taste your baked goods again, Matt.
‐ f*ck Jax, I can't believe he actually did it.
‐ Well, I mean, I did it too 'cause, like, you know, what he does, I do.
Usually, it's just...
I mean, I stay on trend, you know?
I just try and keep up with the...
Oh, okay.
I got daddy duty.
You guys have a good time.
Here you go, Bennie. ‐ Ew! Matt!
‐ What? No beer left behind, right?
See you guys later.
Social media influencers have taken the internet by storm, igniting the Pooka Challenge.
Experts are saying this is quickly becoming the biggest internet sensation of all time.
‐ The most influential thing I've ever written.
And I can't even take credit for it.
‐ Whatever, man.
Don't these things just blow over anyway?
‐ No, no, they definitely do not.
I have over a half a million followers who are trolling me and they are not letting it go.
And a stalker. What?
Oh no.
No.
"Hey. This is Derrick's friend the police officer.
Now I have your cell number, assh*le."
You're welcome.
‐ My hero.
‐ All right, well, I'm calling it.
I got an early shift tomorrow.
Get home safe, bud.
‐ Goodnight, Officer.
‐ Okay, so, we're gonna go to the beach, you know, get shirtless, and then f*ck up some Pooka toys.
Yeah. Obviously, I'm gonna livestream it.
Wh‐‐I'm deadass, Brad!
Yeah, I don't care if it's littering.
Bro, this whole Pooka thing is getting me way more views than the IG pics of my abs.
Yeah, I know, I didn't believe it either.
Anyways, we are riding this wave to a new brand deal, okay?
Deal!
f*ckin' toy.
What up, Jaxers?
It's ya boy Jax coming to you live!
Just wanna say a quick little thank you to everyone for supporting me on my latest video.
Oh. Anyways, uh, just wanted to say I have a very, very special treat lined up for all you Pooka fans, you already‐‐
Uh, sorry, Jaxers, just got a little distracted.
What the hell?
Help!
Someone help me!
Help!
Mom!
‐ f*cking influencers.
Cheers. ‐ Cheers!
Oh my God.
Remember when my mom used to drop us off here?
‐ Yes!
And those ominous warnings she used to give us?
"Be safe."
Like she thought we were just gonna go into the bathroom and start bangin'.
‐ I mean, nothing turns me on like garlic and butter.
‐ So you, uh, meeting a lot of new people?
‐ Uh, yeah, well, I'm seeing, like, five guys at once, so.
‐ Hm. Really mastered playing the field here in Spring Valley.
‐ I am very proud of you.
But seriously, are you?
‐ No!
Have you seen how busy I am?
Every living thing in my house dies.
I can't commit to a human.
So, um...you got any ideas for your next book?
‐ I think it's safe to say that my writing career is pretty much over.
‐ You can't just give up, Derrick.
You've always wanted to be a writer.
‐ Yeah, well, that was before the world thought I was an assh*le.
Now they could care less what I have to say.
‐ So what are you gonna do?
‐ Play it by ear.
Hopefully, this whole thing dies down and then I get a writing job doing food reviews for a little gazette in New York.
‐ So you're going back there, then?
‐ Maybe.
I don't know, that's where my life was.
So, um...aww... WHAT?
Do you ever think what would've happened if we stayed together?
Hm.
Well, I would be miserable in New York or you would be miserable here.
‐ Come on.
It's New York, Susan.
‐ Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
I actually like it here and you don't.
All you've ever wanted is to get out and be seen.
‐ What does that mean?
‐ Don't act like you don't know.
I mean, this whole thing with Jax.
I mean, you hate it but you're obsessed with it.
Why don't you just delete your social profiles?
I'm just saying that what you wanted isn't here.
And all I've ever wanted is...
‐ What, to be in a town full of nobodies obsessed with some obnoxious children's toy?
‐ So this life that you have up there, how many people actually gave a sh*t when all this went down?
‐ Okay, you know what? It's New York, okay?
I got dropped.
They'll welcome me back eventually.
‐ Okay, well here in Spring Valley, there's people like Molly who open their home to you because they're good people.
I mean, did you even visit Molly when she had Lauren?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
I mean, when you left, you just dropped all of us.
You got successful and then all of a sudden it was like none of us even mattered anymore.
Until you needed us.
So don't you dare act like you're better than this place.
Hey‐‐Susan, Susan!
‐ I'm parked down there.
‐ Okay, I'll walk you to your car.
‐ No, it's cool, I got it.
‐ Hey, listen, I'm sorry about what I said before, I didn't mean it.
‐ No, you did.
And that's just who you are, and that's okay.
And it was really great catching up with you.
I'll see you at the office.
‐ Yeah, okay, just...
Bye, Susan!
Oh God, Amir, f*ck Pooka!
‐ ‐
Andy?
"You've been naughty"?
‐ ‐
Oh my God.
‐ Susan! ‐ Oh! Jesus Christ, Derrick!
‐ What happened?
‐ I was att*cked!
‐ att*cked? By who?
‐ I don't know, I don't know what...
‐ Your car.
"Naughty"? What?!
So you were att*cked by someone wearing a Pooka suit?
‐ Yeah, I think so.
Derrick and I had just finished dinner, and then, he was just at my car, and he had... he had these scissors.
Like we wrote in the story.
And then he was just gone.
‐ I got a text from the stalker just as she was being att*cked.
‐ Does someone know we posted that story?
‐ Can't we just take it down, Derrick?
‐ I‐‐no one knows it was actually us that posted it.
‐ You won't delete it because it's popular, won't you?
‐ It's out there now. ‐
‐ Bennie, I mean, should we be worried, or...
‐ I don't know.
Just be careful, keep your doors locked.
Suzie, I'm gonna take you down to the station so we can file a report.
And I'm gonna run that number that's been harassing you, see who it belongs to.
‐ Yeah, no, thanks.
Suzie, I'm really sorry about that.
Yeah.
‐ Knock, knock!
‐ Hey! Molly, what's up?
I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
Seemed kinda tense down there with Susan, huh?
Yeah.
I, uh, really f*cked up.
Started thinking maybe you were right, so I was checking to see if anyone figured out it was us.
This thing's really taken on a life of its own.
‐ What do you mean?
People keep adding to it, saying that it has razor‐sharp claws, can teleport...
Starting to talk about it like it's actually real.
‐ Well, they probably do think it's real.
Never underestimate how willing people are to believe in something.
Did you know in some cultures, they actually believe the imagination can create things that...
I'm gonna stop talking now.
Goodnight.
Hey, Moll?
‐ Yep?
You know, it's not too late for me to get a hotel room or something.
This is a lot to deal with.
You guys have done enough already.
Are you kidding?
You were already chased out of your home once.
I am not letting that happen again.
‐ You're a better friend than I deserve, Moll.
‐ Mm.
Very true.
Goodnight.
Hey, Derdick!
Here. ‐ What's this?
Some stuff Amir needs for the big shindig tomorrow.
Pooka 2.0, baby!
So, yeah, he apparently wanted it yesterday, so.
‐ Yesterday?
Thanks for the prompt delivery.
‐ Hey, no sweat, dude.
Peace out.
‐ Hey, hey, I was... looking for you all day.
Is everything all right?
‐ Yeah, you know, just swamped with the event.
‐ Yeah, I was, um, wondering if we could maybe try that whole... dinner thing again tonight?
I'm clearly very rusty.
‐ Uh, I actually asked Molly and Matt if they would hang out tonight, so, um, sorry.
‐ Got it! Oh, yeah, duh.
I still have to finish that whole speech thing for your event, uh, tomorrow.
So, um, I will see you there at the...
In international news, Alex Butler was arrested in Berlin for murdering his family after police responded to sounds of screaming coming from the household.
Reports indicate there were four victims his wife and their three children.
Eyewitnesses reported that upon being arrested, the suspect was apparently hysterically claiming that he was innocent and that a creature actually committed the murders after they did the now‐infamous Pooka Challenge.
We'll have more details soon.
‐ This can't be real.
Here you go.
Pooka see, Pooka do.
If you're bad, he'll come for you.
With furry ears and eyes of red, best be good or else you're dead.
Just what I thought.
You're just a stupid kids' toy.
f*ck...
Hello?
Andy, if that's you...
I'm definitely going straight to HR.
Stupid f*ckin' Pooka.
sh*t!
Hey, are you all right?
‐ No! ‐ Swing and a miss.
‐ Oh, hi, Derrick.
You do know this isn't actually the only place in town.
Are you okay? ‐ Oh, yeah, I'm fine!
Everything's fine!
I just got att*cked by a giant kids' toy!
‐ What, the guy from last night?
No, no, everyone, just‐‐just listen to me.
Whatever it is that tried to k*ll me, um... it wasn't human.
Uh, you okay, man, or...
I'm serious.
I did the ritual, and, uh...
...I think I summoned Pooka.
The ritual?
The same ritual we did the other day while drunk, the one we made up completely?
Okay, okay, okay, just... hear me out.
What if the singing, the dancing, the ash, the whole Pooka thing, what if it actually works?
What did I tell you?
What did I tell you guys about f*cking with angry spirits?
Derrick, I know you're upset, but listen to yourself‐‐ ‐ I know what I saw!
‐ Okay, your parents just called, so they're on their way home.
That means bedtime.
‐ But you said you'd tell us a story.
Yeah, well, last time I read you and Jenni something, your parents almost fired me.
You want your Pooka doll?
What, why not? You love Pooka.
‐ It's going to get me.
‐ Don't tell me you're scared of that viral thing.
Lauren, you're getting too old for this kind of stuff.
Here.
I'll prove to you... there's nothing to be afraid of.
Naughty?
Mrs. C, are you home?
Lauren, is that you?
‐ Becky, we're home.
I'll check upstairs. Yeah.
Becky?
She's not up there.
What? I just talked to her.
Did she leave?
‐ I don't know, maybe she bailed.
‐ She bailed? Oh my God, she is so fired.
Maybe Pooka got her.
‐ Oh my God, here we go.
Maybe it's the babysitter?
Matt, what the hell?
What are you doing here, Bennie?
I came to talk to Derrick about that phone number since he wasn't answering my calls.
What, did something happen?
‐ Pooka att*cked me at the office.
We think it's Ellie's ghost.
No, that... that's what Molly thinks.
‐ Matt, Ellie m*rder*d her husband and burnt herself alive... And that means now that there's a toy roaming the streets k*lling people?
No, it means that her spirit is not at rest, and that ritual we made could be channeling it and manifesting as Pooka.
So what did you find out?
‐ Well I traced the phone number that's been harassing you.
It belongs to some kid named Andy Jorgensen.
‐ Andy? ‐ He works at SCI.
I mean, the guy's a douchebag, but I don't think he'd actually att*ck anybody.
Well, I tracked the phone number.
He's at Ellie's old place right now.
I'm gonna go check it out and I'll let you know what I find.
No, no, no, it's not safe for you, Bennie.
This is not something you can arrest.
Whatever that thing is, it is not just some kid wearing a costume.
‐ Okay, Derrick, take a breath, calm down.
Okay, listen, if it's a ghost, then the only way to get rid of it is to purify the place where it d*ed.
So, here, okay.
You burn the sage, you sprinkle the salt...
‐ Guys, I don't think... Burn the sage and sprinkle the salt? I'm coming with you.
If this is because of the ritual, I did it too.
‐ Guys. ‐ So I want to help.
‐ You did it? Okay!
Everybody take a breath and calm down.
This is getting ridiculous.
For once in my life, I agree with Matt.
Wow.
‐ There are no such thing as ghosts.
Okay, so I am going to Ellie's and I am bringing in Andy because I am an officer of the law.
Now, if you two want to come with me, that's fine, only because I know you'll follow me anyway.
‐ That's true. All right.
‐ Call us if you need any help, okay?
Yeah, and be careful of the spirits and the ghosts and the goblins.
And the Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus, and elves and sh*t. ‐ Never having sex again.
‐ Not creepy at all.
‐ I'm gonna check it out.
Stay behind me.
‐ You still have that old thing I gave you?
‐ It was your, uh, goodbye present to me.
You know I bought it for like five bucks at Claire's, right?
‐ Sentimental value.
‐ No sign of a break‐in.
Well, how are we gonna get in?
‐ Oh, wait, did... did I just hear someone call for help?
‐ What? No, I‐‐I didn't hear anything.
‐ I don't think so. No, I definitely heard someone call for help.
It's a cop thing.
‐ Oh, okay, okay, there is a Burmese demon called a Belu that shapeshifts and eats people.
Maybe it's one of those. Yeah.
Oh, you should probably call Ghostbusters.
Maybe they can figure it out.
Okay, what's with the condescending attitude?
‐ No, uh...sorry, you're right.
Let's just jump to the conclusion that ghosts and demons exist and they're stalking our friends.
‐ I remember when you loved that I was into this stuff, and now it just seems to annoy you.
‐ I just wish you were a bit more realistic sometimes.
‐ What? Molly, our daughter believes she has an invisible friend because of you.
‐ So? She's 8 years old, Moll!
She shouldn't be learning about Tibetan mysticism.
Oh, I'm sorry that I think there's more to the world than drinking beer and watching television.
‐ Oh my God, look, it's not a demon.
It's just some people being idiots online.
‐ Well, it's clear we see things differently.
Oh my God.
Mom, Dad?
‐ Hey, bud. ‐ Hey, baby.
Did you have another bad dream?
‐ No.
There's someone in my room.
‐ So, um, what is it that we're looking for?
Some sign of Pooka.
No, we're looking to see if a person has been here recently.
I'm probably the first black guy to say this to a cop, but I'd feel a lot safer if you'd take out your g*n.
‐ I don't know, man.
I didn't pack my silver b*ll*ts.
‐ Hey, look.
‐ So this is where it happened.
Jenni and I saw something.
No, Jenni, you just imagined you saw something.
But it's Pooka, he was watching me.
No, baby, we told you that was just a story we made up.
Becky did it. Becky did what?
‐ She did the dance and put it online and now she's gone.
Honey... where is Becky?
Moll, no, stop, just watch Lauren.
I'm gonna check the room.
No.
No, Matt!
Matt, don't you go in that room!
Molly, look at me!
Monsters don't exist!
‐ What...
I can't believe I'm the bad guy in this situation.
‐ Was that a phone?
‐ If ghosts had phones.
‐ Damn light bulbs.
Where'd you say you saw it?
‐ In the closet.
‐ "You've been naughty."
Police.
This is the police. Show yourself.
I guess we can rule out Andy.
I think that's safe to say.
‐ All right, I'm gonna have to call this in.
Call this in.
Susan...
‐ Bennie!
f*ck!
sh*t!
‐ Matt, Matt!
You stay here.
Holy sh*t!
Holy sh*t, what is that thing?
Ah, holy sh*t!
And what is it wearing? ‐ What's wrong?
‐ Uh, nothing.
Get downstairs now.
Go, go, go!
Well, Molly, I think it's safe to say that you were probably right. ‐ Probably?
Get outta here now!
‐ No, no, Bennie, we are not leaving you.
‐ Hey, assh*le!
That was not even close.
Uh, yeah, writer here.
Hey!
No, not my Himalayan salt crystal!
Go, go, go, go, go!
What's wrong?
Uh, nothing.
It's just a really big rat.
‐ You're going to s*ab it? ‐ Yeah, it's a big monster rat.
Now get in the pantry. Go, go, go!
‐ Be gone, evil spirit!
Aren't you supposed to light it?
‐ I don't know!
sh*t, sh*t!
‐ Hey!
‐ Damn it, Molly!
‐ God damn it, you guys!
Great idea, Matt.
Now we're in a small room with no exit!
What do we do now? ‐ I don't know!
Is that Becky?
It's okay, baby.
She's just napping.
‐ What?
‐ Guys?
The hole!
He needs a doctor.
Let's get him the hell outta here.
‐ Go see if it's gone.
‐ Wow.
‐ What?
‐ What?
Hey, are you okay?
No, yeah, neither am I.
‐ Oh no.
‐ What?
‐ It's Bennie.
Jesus, Amir.
It's like 2 a. m. Why are you still awake?
Is this really the safest place you could think of?
‐ What? It's our spot. Hey, guys.
What happened to Bennie?
‐ Hey, bud, do you want to see if you can try and b*at Daddy's high score on the old video game over there, Gut Wrencher?
‐ You're going to talk about adult stuff, aren't you?
‐ Yeah, we are.
Here you go.
‐ Come on, Jenni.
‐ That kid's gonna need some therapy when we're all done.
‐ Yeah.
So we took Bennie to the hospital, so he's gonna be okay.
Pooka att*cked him.
Which was incredibly difficult to explain to the police, but at least we know it wasn't Andy, and your magic herbs and spices didn't do jack.
Well, Pooka showed up at our house too.
He was in Lauren's closet.
And he, uh... he k*lled our babysitter.
What?
Oh my God.
Wait, if Pooka was at your house, too, can ghosts show up in two places at once?
‐ I don't think so.
‐ And why was it wearing those, like, German kid shorts?
‐ What? Those German shorts, the ones, like the high ones that German kids wear, with the suspenders on them.
What are you talking about?
The stupid, like, German kid shorts, the green ones with the straps...
Guys, guys, guys, guys.
What?
‐ I think I figured it out.
‐ What?
‐ I think the internet literally created a monster.
The f*ck are you talking about, Derrick?
‐ Just listen to me, all right?
There's the original Pooka, right?
That's the one that att*cked Susan.
But then people kept adding stuff to the story, like claws.
That's the one that att*cked me.
Tonight, the one that att*cked you guys.
Did it look like this? Yes.
That's the fan art that went viral!
That's the German kid shorts!
So you're saying that whatever people are talking about online is coming true?
‐ Not everything, I think.
Just the stuff that's super popular.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, that's it, that's it!
It's a Tulpa.
‐ A what? ‐ What?
Okay, so, Tulpas were created by Tibetan monks.
They would focus their thoughts on creating spiritual companions to aid them.
‐ Like Jenni? ‐ Mmm, kind of.
Tulpas are completely autonomous, so your thoughts give it life but you don't necessarily control it.
‐ Like Fight Club!
‐ Yes, like Fight Club.
‐ I mean, it tracks.
If the internet is making everyone think of something, then that could create a Tulpa.
‐ Yeah, so if a bunch of shitheads online are doing it, of course it's evil, but how do we get rid of it?
‐ Oh, well, that's easy. You just get everybody to... stop thinking about it.
‐ Guys, whatever we're gonna do, we better do it now.
Oh, God, what now?
Someone just posted a story about the Pooka unveiling.
It says once the new toy is shown off, all the old ones are gonna come to life and wipe out humanity.
They're saying it's Pooka's revenge for trying to change it.
Oh my God.
The event...it's today.
What if Pooka shows up at your mom's house?
My mom still has dial‐up internet.
I'm pretty sure she's not gonna do any internet challenges.
Lauren will be safe there.
Hey, I wouldn't suggest having a drink right now, Matt.
If I'm gonna get m*rder*d by some demonic toy, I'm gonna be buzzed when it happens, okay?
I don't understand.
There's been viral stuff before.
How come we've never seen, like, a monster Grumpy Cat?
Well, maybe because it has Ellie's ghost's help.
Okay, okay, so we just need something else to go viral to get people to stop talking about Pooka.
‐ I don't know that we can.
There's even a link to watch a live stream of the event.
If only we didn't make the story so scary.
‐ That's it!
‐ What's it? Uh, the story.
We just change the story!
‐ Well, it's already out there.
Okay, but the story that I read Lauren with the bears, I just change the ending for her, so we just do the same thing with Pooka.
So we just write that Pooka is dead and then that's it?
No, that won't exactly get people talking.
What if we give it a silver b*llet?
We invent something that can actually k*ll Pooka.
‐ The original Pooka doll.
We could use that as a weak spot.
Yes! Amir keeps it in his office.
We could just say that you have to burn it, the same way Ellie did with her husband.
Say that you have to do it by the unveiling, otherwise it won't work.
People love a climactic ending.
Look, we'll head to launch, then we'll split up.
Matt, Molly, you guys get the doll.
Susan, we're gonna have to wreck that event.
‐ I'm so ready for a new job.
‐ All right, let's do this.
Go...
‐ We are not doing that. ‐ Okay.
We've got an hour until the presentation starts.
‐ The story's still holding up, for now.
‐ Remember, the doll is in Amir's office.
‐ We got this.
I'm still seeing some marks here, so I really need those cleaned up.
Susan, hi!
So great of you to show up to your own event after ducking my calls for the last 24 hours.
Wow, Amir, I am so sorry I didn't respond to your 800 texts at 2 a. m.
‐ No, it's just good for me to know that Pooka isn't your number one priority, so, awesome.
And you, thank you so much for not finishing that speech of mine!
You can consider yourself fired.
‐ sh*t, this was my dream job.
‐ Amir, listen. You cannot present that toy.
People are saying that something awful is gonna happen at the unveiling.
‐ Yeah, of course they are.
We posted that.
The whole "Pooka Monster" trend was so popular, we figured an apocalypse would really get people to tune in.
It's just a story, Susan, calm down!
All right, guys. Let's go, people!
Let's open the doors and let everyone in here!
‐ I really hate him. ‐ Yeah, I get that.
‐ Okay, Susan said left.
No, she said right, she said right.
‐ Which door is it?
‐ Uh...that one feels right.
‐ What do you mean, "feels right"?
All right, testing, testing, testing!
Hello, Pooka Nation!
Yeah!
Are you guys ready for some exciting news?
Yeah, you are.
‐ No, no, no, he can't go on yet, he can't show the toy, we haven't done the thing.
Oh no.
They're saying that we didn't get the story right.
David Burgis wasn't b*rned alive.
He was stabbed to death!
We have to s*ab the doll?
Yes.
‐ That'll work. We gotta stop Matt and Molly before they burn that doll.
What are you doing?
‐ They gotta see it.
I'm gonna live stream the whole thing.
Stall, I'm gonna find Matt and Molly.
‐ Stall.
What is that, Moll?
It's a prayer stick.
It wards off evil.
‐ Isn't that kinda cultural appropriation?
‐ Is it? I don't know, is it?
‐ Oh, there it is.
‐ f*cking just‐‐let's burn it right here.
Okay.
Matt, stay down!
See, it wards off evil.
We here at Spectacular Contraptions really pride ourselves in bringing you the best in kids' enjoyment, which is why we love Pooka!
Are you nice? Are you naughty?
Only Pooka knows!
Hi!
Hi, um, so sorry, Amir.
I was wondering if I could say a few words.
‐ No, no, that's okay, thank you.
‐ No, but I do have something really important to add.
No, we're good, I'm handling it...
It'll just be one second.
Hi, um...
So, I just really... wanted to reflect on Pooka.
‐ The last place I want to be if all these Pooka dolls come to life.
‐ That looks bad, Matt.
‐ Eh...
"It's only a flesh wound."
I meant it, by the way.
‐ What?
That I love your quirks.
No, I'm gonna try and be better and more open to that sh*t.
Just the candles and the salts and all the rocks and stuff like that.
I just...I love you.
And, um, you were clearly right about all this stuff.
‐ No, no, listen.
This is...this is a lot, and, uh, I can be a lot.
But I love you‐‐ ‐ Shh, shush.
‐ Did you just shush me? ‐ No, no, shut up, shut up.
Listen, listen.
Oh, thank God, okay...
Oh, f*ck.
‐ When I think about my first experience with Pooka, well, I was in my thirties, but I felt like a kid again.
‐ That's fine, I think we got it.
No, I think we got it. Very moving.
Very moving, great story.
Oh, sh*t!
Burn the f*cking doll, Molly!
I lost the original.
Hey, you f*cked‐up Easter Bunny.
Come get some.
What are you doing? We gotta s*ab the doll.
Wait, I thought we were supposed to burn it!
‐ Yeah, well, they changed the story.
‐ Oh... ‐ We gotta live stream it too.
Matt, here.
Derrick, there's f*cking thousands of people watching but they're all f*cking rooting for Pooka.
Uh...here, catch!
‐ It's not working!
‐ Sorry, it's the wrong one!
Can you hurry up and find the right one?
‐ I am trying!
Is this it?
I'm sorry, they all look the same!
How's he doing?
‐ I don't know, I can't see anything.
Oh, sh*t, there he is.
He's not doing good!
‐ Oh...
‐ Oh, God.
‐ Get off my ex!
‐ Holy sh*t!
What, what, what? What is happening?
It's Susan, she's kicking Pooka's ass!
‐ I can't believe I'm missing all of this!
No.
Susan.
Susan.
Oh my God.
I found it, I found it!
‐ Give me Pooka, now!
Where's the scissors?
Bennie!
God damn, he's so f*cking hot.
‐ Sorry I'm late.
Bennie, scissors!
‐ You're canceled.
‐ So how long have you been rehearsing that line in your head?
‐ How'd you find us?
‐ I saw your live stream.
Looked like you could use some help.
‐ Wanna cut me a break? I just k*lled a demon.
‐ No, you can't do everything.
‐ Hey, can we go home now?
It worked.
We k*lled Pooka.
Let me check on the unveiling.
Without further ado, I bring you the new Pooka!
‐ Wait, guys, #apookalypse is trending.
Yeah, Pooka!
What happened?
No, no, no, no, no.
We did‐‐we did the thing, we did the thing!
‐ It's the internet.
They won't let Pooka die.
Hey, guys... it's happening.
They're coming to life.
‐ You said nothing interesting ever happens in Spring Valley.