03x03 - Ashes and Demons

Episode transcripts for the TV show "American Gods". Aired: April 2017 to present.*
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An ex-convict becomes the bodyguard of a powerful old deity looking to reclaim his lost glory.
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03x03 - Ashes and Demons

Post by bunniefuu »

Alison McGovern didn't show up to school or work yesterday.

I think maybe you and I got off on the wrong foot.

You spoke to Chad.

He said your story checks out.

I am a goddess.

You're a showgirl, bought and paid for by William Sanders.

- Nice lift.

- I don't know
- what ou're talking about.

- The postcard.

What, you thought I wouldn't notice?

Before you pay her a visit, ask yourself if you have anything to offer her except for heartache.

Stay in your f*cking lane.

What if you didn't have to bring him all the way back to life?

Mama!

Oh God!

Quick get some water!

God Himself.

Oh, God, please.

You steaming my jacket?

On it.

Gotta be my best today.

You get Betty washed?

This morning.

- She gassed up?

- Yesterday.

And you've got that address. . .

plugged into your PMS or whatever it is you. . .

GPS!

Yes!

You know, just because I have two X chromosomes - doesn't mean that I'm. . .

- A favor followed by a lecture is not a favor at all.

That wasThe Sacrifice, the Viking metal anthem that will live for the ages, by Blood Death, as we mourn the loss of four of its members found dead in a hotel room in Bridgeport, Connecticut.

Authorities investigating the case as a homicide.

Hey, weren't those your homeboys?

- Shh.

- Wengren released this statement: "My grief and rage know no bounds.

Whoever is responsible shall answer to the God of justice in Asgard. " That's a problem to be dealt with later.

What was that?

Okay, I'm ready.

You got that. . card I gave you with Demeter's address on it?

Right here.

Good.

This Demeter person must be something special.

Oh she is.

Believe me, she is.

Welcome.

This way please.

Hi, take a pen.

Read the pamphlet.

Hi, welcome.

Welcome, welcome.

Pamphlet, please?

Thank you.

Take it, please.

Yeah.

Pamphlet?

Thank you, okay.

- Hi.

- Welcome.

Read the pamphlet.

Welcome.

Attention, those with green cards, please make your way to the designated area at this time.

Green card holders only.

I'm sure my colleague has told you that the answers are just right. . .

Yes, in my f*cking pamphlet.

I know that.

All it says is "Acknowledge reality".

Okay.

So, the reality that I am acknowledging is that this place sucks donkey d*ck.

Please just tell me when the f*cking blue cards are gonna be called.

Each soul's color is called in its own time.

Thanks for the ride.

Least I could do.

Considering you own the car I'm driving.

Afternoon, everybody.

Thanks for comin' out today.

Uh, wish it was for happier reasons.

Alison's been gone a little more than 48 hours.

I'm so sorry I'm late.

Disposable cameras, courtesy of Hinzelmann's General Store.

Now, you're gonna wanna document anything suspicious: Footprints, uh, broken plants Thank you, Ann-Marie, but I, I got this.

Oh.

Okay.

Well, um, I know what you're thinking.

I have a camera on my phone, but this way you don't have to send anything over our so-called Internet.

Uh, could you pass these out?

Um, and then at the end of the day, you can give me your cameras, or Chad. . .

- Hmm. . .

- And, um, I'll get them developed.

Uh, I can expedite that through our store.

- Thank you for that, uh. . .

- Yeah.

Walk carefully, look where you step.

Uh, if you see anything that seems outta place, report it.

A retreat.

Maybe she transposed the numbers on the card?

Maybe she. .

is the owner or. . .

an investor, huh?

Just like Demeter, huh?

Whole package, that one. . .

Beauty and brains, you know?

So, why do I keep feeling like I've forgotten something?

A gift.

I mean, how can I arrive empty-handed to discuss a reunion with such an extraordinary woman, huh?

So, what's it to be?

Pigs' entrails or calla lilies?

Pigs' entrails.

Bet she doesn't get that every day.

Nah.

It's gotta be calla lilies.

I think she might like that more.

Well, what you think matters not at all.

As you keep reminding me.

One of these days, it's gonna stick.

Deeds, not words.

To the florist.

Blood is definitely worrisome, but. . .

these feathers and tufts of fur, I'd say it's more likely a. . .

squirrel and an owl mixing it up.

But we'll, uh, mark it and have Forensics take a look anyway.

Chad!

I think we have something over here!

Everybody just stay put.

Does anybody know if Alison had a pair of blue mittens?

Uh, I think that's mine, Gramma.

It must've fallen out of my pocket.

Attention.

Those with orange cards, please make your way to the designated area at this time.

Orange card holders only.

The f*ck. . .

Hey!

Hello?

Hello?

f*ck.

Hey, you, uh. .

you want a ride?

I'm heading back to town.

Once Marguerite pulls out that notepad, she loses all track of time.

I'm, I'm fine.

I don't mind waiting.

Yeah. . .

You know, uh. . .

I've been looking for, uh, an opportunity to talk to you about the. . .

the other day down at the station.

Uh. . .

I hope you understand, I'm just doing my job with. . .

you know, Alison missing, and you being a new guy in town, and you know, what with me being, um, a cop who. . .

happens to be Caucasian, and so forth and. . .

You know, just the optics of you being, um, you know, somebody, uh. .

somebody who's African American.

I just don't want you to get the-the-wrong, uh, idea, uh. . .

Uh. . .

Lakeside isn't that kind of place.

Lakeside's still in America, right?

Yeah, I mean, yeah, it is.

I see what you're trying to say there, uh, but, you know we're not. . .

Hey, Chad.

Sorry, um.

What've you got there, Frances?

A B&E reported at 260 Elm Street.

Copy that.

En route.

Fourth one this month.

Oh, sorry.

Instagram's taking over my life.

What these people will do to get followers.

Oh, you have no idea.

I'm here to see Demeter.

All right.

Is that a first or last name?

That's the whole name.

Like Beyoncé?

Precisely.

You know Demeter, Janice.

From Mount Olympus?

Oh, right.

That Demeter.

Okay.

There's only one Demeter.

Well, in America anyway.

Yup.

That's her.

I'll take you to see our very own in-house goddess, once Janice gets you signed in.

And you are?

Wednesday.

First name?

- Mister.

- Right.

So, I'm just gonna have you sign this release.

Don't worry, nothing's gonna happen to you.

Full moon isn't for two weeks.

Thank you.

All right.

Right this way.

Follow me, sir.

So, uh, what are the residents of Haven Glen Retreat retreating from?

Reality, mostly.

Hello, darling.

Ouh!

Go away, Ofnir.

You okay, sir?

Oh!

It's, uh. . .

it's been a long time.

Not long enough.

Everything's fine, Hank.

Go. . . away.

Could you get one of your employees to take over for a while, so we can go somewhere and chat quietly?

Here you are, Miss Wells.

I don't own this place, Ofnir.

I'm a patient here.

So. . .

oh, do, do, do, do.

Too wet, too wet.

So, Chad says that that was the fourth burglary reported this month.

So I thought maybe you could use some of these.

Ah.

- And I'm guessing. . .

- Yeah.

I had them all put in when we had that attempted break-in the other night.

Oh, you're not gonna let that go, huh?

Okay, uh, well then, I guess I will just take these back to Hinzelmann's.

I'm making tea.

- You want some?

- Yeah.

Please.

Herbal okay?

Thank you.

Mind if I take a look?

Knock yourself out.

I keep buying all of these great books, thinking I'm actually gonna have time to read them one of these days.

Well, if you get the chance, I recommend anything by Dennis Lehane.

- You take honey?

- Yes, please.

Herodotus: The Histories.

Wooh. . .

Found that one challenging, but worth it.

Wow.

Where do you find the time?

Uh, well, I had a lotta time in. .

Uh, in. . . somnia.

You know, in fact, if you have anything that's really boring you wouldn't mind loaning me, I'm trying to render myself unconscious.

I've got just the thing.

You just have to promise to return it to the library on time.

- Lakeside City Journal.

- Uh-huh.

"2000 to 2004. " I was researching a story.

I've also got 2005 to 2018.

- I am already sleepy.

- Right?

I'm the editor of the g*dd*mn newspaper and I couldn't keep my eyes open.

I think Alison's gonna turn up.

I hope you're right.

I'm sure of it.

Hey, Mom.

Oh, hey.

Leon, this is. . .

I thought you said you didn't like him.

We just got off on the wrong foot.

Mike, this is my youngest, Leon.

Leon, this is Mike.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Why don't you get started on your homework?

Dinner'll be ready in a half-hour.

I guess I should go.

Um, I'll let you guys have dinner.

Thanks for the tea.

Thanks for the added security. . .

Attempt at added security.

- You're welcome.

- Oh, and. . .

As long as you're going to the library. . .

Uh-huh.

Well, okay.

Sure they're not gonna put me in a coma?

No guarantees.

I'll get the door.

Look, Mr.

Wednesday, I. . .

Just Wednesday to you, Hank.

I'd love to accommodate your request, really I would, but I can't just release Miss Wells into your custody.

- That's not how it works.

- Not even for true love?

No, unfortunately not.

She's under the care of a court-appointed conservator.

Here.

Larry Hutchinson.

- He's the one you need to talk to.

- Hmm. . .

And, with all due respect, sir, Miss Wells didn't seem all that glad to see you.

Oh, I shouldn't have taken her by surprise.

I should've remembered she always hated surprises.

The light is out.

I have lost.

They have stripped me of my dignity.

I have the right to liberty or dignity.

Their greed will swallow me whole.

Come find me, Shadow Moon.

Who the f*ck are you?

Is she supposed to be here already?

Not as far as I know.

'Cause no one told me.

And I'm supposed to go on break.

Anybody wanna tell me what the deal is here?

Maybe I should call upstairs.

- Hello?

- Why?

To find out that nobody knows anything about anything except it's someone else's fault?

You already know that.

That's why they call it Purgatory.

Um, hey, I'm talking to you.

Working in Hell would be a promotion.

Are you f*cking people deaf?

- Hi.

- Who are you?

AV Guy.

1940's usherette.

The 1940's thing has nothing to do with you.

This is just. . .

what they gave me.

We're your facilitators.

Okay.

Well, how about you facilitate me the f*ck outta here?

Well, first you need to acknowledge reality.

Like it says in your pamphlet.

Yeah.

I. . .

I already threw that thing in the face of another stupid f*cking idiot.

Will ya listen to the potty mouth on this one.

Oh, creeping Mother of Christ, please tell me we are not doing The Life of Laura Moon.

You might learn something.

Do the words "rest in peace" mean nothing to you people?

It was my f*cking life.

I lived it with my eyes wide open.

There's nothing to rehash.

Period.

Over and out.

And, by the way, who here is such a f*cking expert on my life that this little sh*t show's even gonna make any sense?

- Here you go.

- I'm tired.

That would be you.

Kiddo.

Welcome to the Midwesterner Motel.

Okay.

Just give me one more second.

That's my dad.

Oh, he's so young.

My apologies, there's only one non-smoking room left.

A double queen, which is. . .

50 more a night.

Gee, that's a little steep.

Considering my daughter's allergies, I. . .

figured it didn't hurt to ask, right?

Oh, she's so adorable.

I'll just slip you in that room.

Don't you worry.

Yeah, I know.

I was there for fucksake.

Shh!

It's better if you just watch.

Let me tell you how this went.

While my dad was chatting up the hotel clerk, I was working a different angle.

I was really pissed at my mom for not coming with us.

Are you here for the state fair, as well?

I wish.

Visiting family.

Here are the keys to your room.

Enjoy your stay.

Okay, kiddo.

Looks like we got two queen-size beds.

So, to get back at my mom, I said to my dad, "Maybe you should help the pretty lady with her bags. " Excuse me, Miss.

Which of course he did, in a heartbeat because she's hot and he's. . .

"helpful".

Turns out we were all staying on the same floor.

So, being a kid, I asked, since they have a pool, "Dad, can we go swimming?" I don't see why not.

You wanna come?

I don't wanna intrude on family time.

Oh, you're not intruding.

Is she, Dad?

Not one bit.

But once it was time to go swimming, I told Dad I'd changed my mind.

I just wanted to stay in the room and watch cartoons.

But I told him that he should go without me.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Where's your daughter?

Oh, she decided to stay in the room and watch cartoons.

I can't believe you told them it was closed.

Oh, well, we got the pool to ourselves, though, didn't we?

- Yes.

- So, then it worked.

Well, good night.

Good night.

After their swim, the fun continued.

Dad called "Marco".

She said "Polo", and that was that.

Dad was so into this chick, he didn't even notice me snooping.

I've gotta get out of these wet clothes.

Don't go anywhere.

Okay, you go ahead and do that.

I'm gonna make you a drink.

What do you want?

Weird choice of music, but whatever.

I'll have whatever you're having.

What's that?

I can't. . .

You know what?

I can't hear ya.

I'm just gonna make something.

I'm gonna make you a surprise.

You are so cute!

And then, it was all downhill from there.

It really is better if you just watch.

I think maybe we could just fast-forward through the rest.

And then you can give me my get-out-of-Purgatory-free card and we can part friends.

We don't actually make deals.

Beautiful work, Cordelia.

A remarkable facsimile of the original document.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

You said 1779, but I figured you meant 1979.

Just feels like 250 years sometimes.

Is she really your wife?

- Would I lie to you?

- Honestly?

I don't know.

Demeter is most certainly my wife and also one of the most remarkable creatures to ever grace this planet.

Hmm, her beauty only matched by her keen wit, droll sense of humor, and generosity of spirit.

Wow.

Where did you ever meet this. . .

- goddess?

- Goddess is right.

On a small, unprepossessing farm in rural. . .

Sorry.

It's Wisconsin.

Probably your son.

Oh, and I wonder how Shadow got the number.

I gave it to him at the memorial.


Chummy, aren't we?

I just thought he might need to get in touch with you.

Should I send it to voicemail?

No, the moment has been lost.

Carry on.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm good.

He wants to talk to you.

- Hi.

- Hey.

I need to see Bilquis.

Any idea where I can find her?

Oh, I'm fine.

Thank you for asking, son.

And how are you?

I just saw you a few days ago.

A lot can happen in a few days.

Bilquis, do you know where she is?

I do.

And would you find out what happened with Technical Boy if you see her?

Technical Boy?

You know this how?

You know what?

It doesn't even matter.

I just need to speak to her.

It's about your dreams, isn't it?

Her address, please.

New York City.

1860 East 20th Street, Apartment 12C.

And if. . .

"How sharper than the serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child. " Forty years.

Impressive.

Hmm.

Odd that Miss Wells never mentioned she was married.

We thought we had the key to an enduring union. . .

cherishing the spaces in our relationship.

Sadly, a few screws went loose during our last sabbatical.

- Indeed.

- Mm.

Trying to convince the judge that prancing around in public stark naked. . .

comports with her status as a "goddess" is pretty out there.

Well, nudity is not lewdity, as they say.

Well. . .

As you know, Judge Trakes appointed me Miss Wells' conservator in the absence of any family members.

Oh, she's obviously been well cared for.

For that, I will be forever grateful.

I just hope she's not been a burden on the state, financially.

Heavens, no.

Your wife's capacity may be diminished, but her portfolio is robust.

Oh, that's my girl.

Hey, I was looking for you.

I just left a note with Leon.

Oh, you going somewhere?

Yeah.

I gotta go to New York to see a friend.

- Still no word, huh?

- No.

They have a couple more search parties out today, but, uh. . .

Nothing so far.

- You okay?

- Yeah, you know, it's just. . .

The longer she's gone. .

Stay safe.

f*ck have you been?

Batteries were dead.

Took a while finding some new ones.

Things have a way of getting lost around here.

Well, scary movie's almost over.

And then with any luck, you guys'll be lost as well.

Okay, so. . .

Dad f*cked everything in sight except for Mom.

Mom paid him back in kind, tit for tat.

And if there is a God in heaven, I will not have to sit here and watch that.

I followed in my father's fucksteps with every broken boy I could find.

If they weren't broken already, then they were once I was finished with them.

I got married.

Um. . .

Royally f*cked that up.

d*ed.

And here we are!

So. . .

What have we learned here today?

Not a f*cking thing.

I could've told you before I ever got to this sh*thole that I am the architect of every f*cked-up thing that ever happened in my life.

That's on me.

I'm aware of that.

I'm. . .

I'm okay with that.

I aided and abetted my dad's sport f*cking, which led to my mom's revenge f*cking.

His drinking, her drinking.

I became my dad, did my own f*cking f*cking, f*cked up my marriage and my life.

The end.

Tell me something I don't f*cking know.

You've really wasted your time here.

And Grandpa's time, and mine.

On bullshit that is not only obvious, but redundantly obvious.

This whole place is kinda just a bunch of f*cking hallways to nowhere.

If you already know all the answers, what is it that you're still so angry about?

Sanctimonious fuckheads like you.

What's wrong with me?

When I saw this, all I could think of was you, standing in that field, with the sun setting behind you on that farm in Pennsylvania.

I don't need new clothes, Ofnir.

It's for our court appearance, my love.

I don't need flowers or chocolates.

Well, we have to explain that your husband's back and able to take care of you, so the judge can transfer the conservatorship back to me and we can get you the hell out of here.

You're not listening to me.

As for that guy, Hutchinson, huh, what a charlatan he is, huh?

You know, he actually admitted to me. . .

- Well, you never did.

- That he is the conservator for at least half-a-dozen "residents" in here.

And I found out that he owns half this place.

You know, I'd give him high marks for conmanship if it wasn't such a personal matter.

I don't wanna leave.

- No, you can't mean that.

- Oh, I mean it.

I am my true self here.

People accept me as a goddess.

They actually worship me.

I had forgotten how good that feels.

You tell the loons in here you're the Lizard King, they'd worship you.

We are gods, you and I.

And this is a mental institution, not a temple.

And what's going on in here is sacrilege.

And the sooner we get you outta here and off your meds, you'll realize that.

Now, why are you here, Ofnir?

- Well, for you.

- For me?

- Mm.

- Ah.

- Not for my money?

- Oh.

Well, I know, I know that you're b*ating the drum for some w*r.

Hmm. .

And wars are expensive.

Just. . .

just be honest with me.

If you're honest with me, I'll go with you.

- Trick question.

- It's asked of a trickster.

I say I'm here guided by my undying love for you, you'll call me a liar and say where the hell have you been for the last 250 years?

Hmm, that you're incapable of loving anyone but yourself.

If I say I'm here for your money, then you'll call me a craven, acquisitive heel.

No, no, we both know each other too well - for me to fall for that bait.

- Nah.

There was a time when I knew you or thought I did.

But. . .

And now, when I look at you, I see a god who has grown old and. . .

and desperate.

The question is, what are you desperate for?

Ah.

Say nothing.

Do nothing.

Just watch.

Excuse me, Miss.

That looks heavy.

Mind if I give you a hand with that?

Thank you.

A real gentleman.

Does this pretty little girl know that her daddy is an endangered species?

Okay.

Come on, sweetie.

You're so sweet to carry that.

I'm here for my sister's birthday, but they have a tiny place, so I decided to stay here.

Well, this is me.

We're right down there.

That pool downstairs sure looks inviting.

Would you ladies like to go for a swim?

I could be persuaded.

That is, if I wouldn't be intruding.

Not at all.

I'll just get changed.

Come get me when you're ready.

Okay.

Come on, sweetie.

So, I didn't see a kid's pool down there.

So it's okay if you want to stay in the hotel room and watch cartoons.

There might even be some candy in the mini-bar.

How's that sound?

- Okay.

- Okay.

I've gotta get out of these wet clothes.

Don't go anywhere.

Okay, you go ahead and do that.

I'm gonna make you a drink.

What do you want?

I'll. . .

I'll have whatever you're having.

What's that?

You know what?

I can't hear ya.

I'm just gonna make something.

I'm gonna make you a surprise.

You are so cute!

I was just a little kid.

I was just a little kid.

Who wasn't the architect of every f*cked-up thing in your life.

Or the one who ruined your parents' marriage.

There wasn't anything wrong with me.

They should've protected you.

I mean, it would've been great if I'd have known that before I started f*cking up my own life.

Or, you know, while I was still alive.

Well, now you know.

Yeah.

Great.

Are we done here?

Cool.

Okay.

♪ The air that I breathe ♪ ♪ The wind through the trees ♪ ♪ Come and save me ♪ ♪ I'm real I'm so real ♪ Bilquis?

Sync corrections by srjanapala ♪ Dearly beloved ♪ ♪ We are gathered here today ♪ ♪ To hold on to our hearts ♪ ♪ As this soul drifts away ♪ ♪ Ashes return to ashes ♪ ♪ Dirt turns to dirt ♪ ♪ And it's left to those still stirring ♪ ♪ To carry all the hurt ♪ ♪ But I am free ♪ ♪ I am free ♪ ♪ Oh I am free ♪
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