02x02 - The Beguiling Man

[bunniefuu]

Time for a story.

'Cause sometimes, people need reminding of things.

Help him remind the people who you are.

The choice is yours.

Evolve...

...or die.

I guess I believe in him.

I wanna believe in you.

Zorya Vechernyaya...

Do you know how beautiful you look?

Your tongue is a wicked thing.

Nobody's ever complained about my tongue.

I can't sell w*r without my best salesman.

Find Media...

Let them know what real sacrifice...

...feels like.

Shadow!

Is this what it takes?

Is this... what it takes?

My name is Mr.

Town.

Where am I?

No, the question, Shadow, isn't "where." It's "why?" This is not good.

There's...

much to be done.

The bell must ring.

Mirrors covered.

Windows opened.

We must sprinkle the holy salt- Czernobog.

We will summon the next Zorya.

Votan!

You let the dust of the old star slip right through your fingers, huh?

There are no more believers left for Zorya.

So there will be no more life for her.

But I know a new star will soon rise from the horizon.

And the hound's gate will rest in the hands of this newborn star.

We must pray that she's up to the task.

If not, this country will be barren of believers.

First a whimper, then a crescendo.

You will have your vengeance, my friends.

When my hammer swings, the earth will tremble...

...the mountains will break, and the ocean will rise, and our enemies will be banished to the deepest darkness of the nine hells.

Votan...

this country...

is no good.

You have your w*r, Grimnir.

Mama-ji, you hear the battle cries.

May I count on your blades?

You brought the fight to my doorstep.

I have no choice but to resume the lopping of heads, drinking of blood, and liberating of souls.

That is, if I can swap my weekend shift with Arjun.

Hey, what's the plan?

This is so stupid.

We're wasting time.

Oh, let 'em lament.

Shadow was taken.

We don't have time for a f*cking wake in a parking lot.

Might be no coming back for that one.

Yeah, no sh*t.

She's dead.

Dead does not seem to be as final as you are implying.

Ifrit, Grimnir needs you in Mitchell, at the Corn Palace; ask for Old Iktomi.

To what end?

Gungnir.

Gungnir?

His f*cking spear.

You're getting Fire-eyes and the fairy to fetch your f*cking spear for ya?

What do you plan to do about Shadow?

He'll be fine.

Great battles require great preparation.

And sacrifice to you.

You don't give a sh*t about him.

Oh, I very much give a sh*t.

Just have faith in your man.

My favorite Tammy Wynette song.

Shotgun!

Oh, now Spiderman's ridin' with ya?

You keep givin' away my f*cking seats.

What happened to our arrangement?

Well, you two make such a great pair, it seems a shame to split you up.

And Laura seems to feel Shadow needs saving, so go help save Shadow.

I will not be dyin' in battle over Shadow f*cking Moon.

A problem of your own making.

You are the biggest, most unlucky leprechaun - I have ever met!

- Bugger off!

Bugger yourself off, bitch!

What a c**t.

Allahu Akbar.

Do you need money?

For the bus?

- I'm coming with you.

- No.

Where Wednesday wants me to go is dangerous.

Then why risk your life for him?

Allah would not want you to sacrifice for Wednesday.

I believe in what I'm doing even if you do not.

You're not coming with me?

Nope, I'm goin' with my coin.

Grimnir's takin' up arms.

That means there's a battle at hand.

And you're f*cking crazy if you think I'm going to w*r without my luck.

Well, I guess you should steal us a car, then.

You do the pickin', I'll do the pluckin'.

If you get in my way, the gods are gonna be planning your funeral.

Best they already are, love.

Best they already are.

We couldn't find any records of any family other than your mother and your late wife.

You know what that makes you, Shadow?

Hm?

Just another bastard.

A nobody.

A nobody who went to prison for a botched casino heist and aggravated as*ault.

Now...

I know they had g*ns on your wife.

So, does that make the career criminal a-a good guy?

Although, not quite good enough, apparently, because you couldn't keep your wife from sucking your best friend's cock.

You want to stay in your lane.

You're one tough m*therf*cker, Shadow Moon.

I'll give you that.

Is that why Cargo needs you?

Hmm?

I don't know who the f*ck Cargo is.

He calls himself All-Father.

Grimm.

He goes by the name...

Wednesday.

And you, my friend, you've been traveling with him for weeks.

I'm just a bodyguard, okay?

He doesn't tell me anything.

Let me ask you a question.

When somebody...

when somebody tells you to rob a casino, or a bank, then you do it.

When someone tells you to join the Old Gods in a secret w*r against the New Gods, then you do it.

You are always just going with the flow, Shadow.

And I need to know, why?

Why the f*ck is that?

Hmm?

Curious spirit.

It could be, Shadow, that you have forgotten how to tell the truth.

Now that's a mighty woman with a torch.

She was a Roman goddess.

Libertas.

"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free." France gave her to the founders, same as they gave democracy.

And pulled America's butt out of the fire in the Revolution.

We've paid 'em back.

You're not French, Shadow.

Don't forget that.

Yeah, a home, I don't know.

I had to leave to spread her message.

So, why is this my first time back?

Her dream isn't for us.

Liberty can't help but judge us by the color of our skin.

The history we remind them of.

Doesn't have to be like that.

Scientists call it hormesis.

A little bit of poison to make you stronger.

Your light is strong, my beautiful son.

I don't think I'm gonna like it here.

One summer.

Then we're back on the world tour.

You know, you could show a little gratitude every now and then.

- Might improve your luck.

- I don't believe in luck.

- I don't.

I'm an atheist.

- Ugh.

God, is a fairy tale for grown-ups.

Well, you're in the fairy tale now, aren't ya?

He is definitely moving.

Turn here.

You things are not gods, by the way.

You're made by people.

People who need answers and they're too f*cking lazy to look for them themselves.

I mean, who the f*ck ever needed a leprechaun?

You take and you take and you take and what do you give back to people?

Nothing.

You are monsters under the bed, just f*cking with human lives.

Pot, kettle, black!

And God didn't f*ck up your life; you did a great job of that all by yourself.

Well, it was my life to f*ck up!

Indeed it was, and you f*cked the sh*t out of it, didn't ya?

f*cked up your husband's life as well.

Got him sent to prison.

And then, when he was payin' his penance for you, ya sucked all over his best friend's knob.

I don't know what kind of syphilitic time period spawned leprechauns, but in my world, infidelity does not warrant a death sentence.

Where I'm from, it's the greatest sin.

- To betray your sworn true love is the crime of a coward...

- Cow.

You're welcome.

f*ck!

It's unfortunate that none of your compatriots were moved by your pitch, Queen Bilquis.

It was beautiful.

Elegant.

Everything that you are.

Your att*ck will only work against you.

Make it easier for Odin to convince those who were on the fence to join his cause.

The Old Gods will scatter, hiding their heads in the depths.

Only to sprout anew and find me waiting.

The way to k*ll Wednesday's hydra is to lasso their necks and chop them all at once.

Miss and they will come back stronger.

The ghost of Zorya Vechernyaya knows that Mr.

World doesn't miss.

I have no place on your b*ttlefield.

Love is the most powerful w*apon of w*r.

w*r tears lovers asunder.

Love and w*r may sit on opposite sides of a coin, but only so they may never meet.

I will not fight for you.

The Old Gods see you as a traitor.

Complicit in the death of their kin.

And you shun the gods of progress, so I wonder, if you don't choose a side, will you be trampled by both?

Damn it.

You gonna fold that or f*ck it?

I'm gonna f*ck it.

Aaah!

You know, Mr. World wants to know why Mr. Wednesday has put so much trust in a petty con man.

Why Mr. Wednesday would bring a nobody like you into his tribe.

He doesn't tell me anything.

The awakening man was on the way to himself.

Is there a book that you haven't read?

A good book is a loyal and constant friend.

Jerry and I might...

grab a drink later.

You know, he has bad taste in music.

How do I look?

Age appropriate.

If you go outside, Bushwick has territories.

Not every place is the same place.

Love your light, my beautiful son.

Hey, I'm Shadow.

Are you guys from around here?

You talk funny...

...like a white boy.

Where you from?

France.

France?

Yeah, Europe?

Bitch, I know where France is.

You think I'm stupid, huh, white boy?

You think you're better than me?

Yo, I'm not white.

Man, you should've stayed your bitch ass in France.

You best stay in your lane.

I'm gonna need a lot more than this to keep me from beatin' your ass.

Huh?

Those boys and those cops, they want the same things we do: to be valued, to matter in this world.

And to feel some love.

But they don't even know me.

They think they do.

Their whole life they've been hearing a story about who you are.

And you're the enemy in that story.

One who will take what they have.

Keep them from getting what they want.

But that's not me.

It doesn't matter.

Most things people believe about the world are lies.

But you know the truth of who you are, Shadow.

Yeah.

Not all of it.

He's dead.

Who was he?

Dead and gone, nothing to miss.

♪ ...say you are my Come on.

- Come on.

- ♪ Adorable one Come on.

You had a drink with Jerry.

I don't need to be drunk to dance with my son.

♪ I can say ♪ You are my ♪ Adorable one Jesus, woman, are there any flies in the state of Wisconsin that aren't flocking to ya?

Just change the f*cking tire.

- Ah!

f*ck!

Get it off!

- I'm trying!

- It's on my f*cking foot!

- I'm trying!

- Pick it up!

- I'm trying!

f*ck!

You better stop lollygagging.

Otherwise, Shadow's better off savin' himself.

I'm lifting an entire car.

Yeah?

Last week, you could've lifted an entire f*ckin' elephant!

Two f*ckin' elephants if my nuts are the judge.

Hang on.

All right.

Let 'er down.

- Can you not?

- What?

Hover over me like a vulture.

Pffft!

I wasn't.

Just relax, okay?

You'll get your f*cking coin back.

Either I fall apart and you take it from me, or I get my life back and I will gladly cram it down your throat.

If you truly want your life back, I might have another option for ya.

There's a devil in the French Quarter of New Orleans.

Haven't seen him in a donkey's age.

Yeah, there was also a woman in Kentucky.

None better with the spice of life than the old Baron.

And that's a good thing for me?

Price'll be steep.

How badly you want it?

I will literally do anything.

After we get Shadow.

This m*therf*cker asked me if I want something to eat.

And then he gets in the car with a bucket of fried f*cking chicken.

Where'd the chicken go?

Oh, it was so good.

Thank you for that.

Thank you.

- You ate it all?

- Mm-hmm.

Media!

Oh, Media!

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

All this normy noise is making me itch.

Hey!

I see you.

Come on.

Mr. World wants you.

"We can't drive into the future using only our rearview mirror." No sh*t.

Come on.

Get in the car.

Twentieth century is ancient history, like the faces you wear.

Bowie and Marilyn and I Love Lucy.

They are so f*cking retro.

And art?

Art is irrelevant!

Art is the most valuable means of insight into the direction of our collective purpose.

You're looking for insight.

The appetite for distraction is infinite.

You're looking for insight.

I can choke them with trivia.

Drown them in passive pleasures, and devastate their spirituality with baby talk.

Wednesday scared the sh*t outta you so now you're back in school.

There is no distinction between education and entertainment.

I am adapting, learning to survive.

If I go back empty-handed, he'll downvote my ass to obsolete!

I will not launch before I'm prepared.

World needs you back, right now!

Get your incomprehensively aggravated...

Good-bye.

Fatal flaw.

Underestimating me.

You think you can ghost in my machine?

I am mankind's greatest achievement.

I am the compass rose.

I am f*cking binary.

Without me, sh*t don't spin.

You can't hide, so lick your wounds, strap on whichever do makes you feel the mostest, put your face on, and come out!

Come out!

Mr. World needs you.

Do not make me hunt you.

Out of respect, I'm gonna give you a minute.

Good talk.

f*ck!

Dr. Kacinszky, please report to Oncology.

Dr. Kacinszky to Oncology.

It shouldn't be too much longer.

I know.

It's been a long day.

The test should be back soon.

Thank you.

You make it look like magic.

That's the funny thing about magic.

It takes years of practice.

For most people.

No.

I don't want him to live in the States.

There's nothing here for him.

But I raised him around the world.

I am fighting!

I've been fighting every day of my g*dd*mn life!

I don't know how much longer I have.

Hey, hey!

Where do you think you're going?!

Yo, speak English, m*therf*cker.

This isn't who you are.

The kid was getting b*at up.

He needed help.

I was just trying to protect him.

You were looking for trouble.

It doesn't matter where you are.

You're here now.

If you put anger out there, it will come back tenfold.

You're different.

There's a light in you that is stronger than anything else.

I don't feel it.

It's there.

How do you know?

I gave it to you.

I give it to you every day.

Can you speed it up?

I can barely see him.

What do you usually drive?

Horse and buggy?

Says the corpse who flipped an ice cream truck.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yay.

This'll be fun.

He's going so fast.

Way too fast to be in a car.

I'll survive the turnover.

There'll be pieces of you all over the road.

Aah!

What the f*ck?!

How does a road just end?

Graveyards are full of flowers.

Yup.

Just another dead girl in a field.

So, you're just gonna lie there, then?

I think the worms are calling.

This is bollocks.

What?

I thought we were going to save somebody.

We can't just give up because the f*cking road ends.

How the f*ck am I supposed to catch him?

I can't save him if I can't catch him.

What if I told you I had a shortcut?

I'd say you were a piece of sh*t for holding out on me.

Is that how you ask for a favor?

What's your shortcut, please?

It's a little bit like the backstage.

But a lot smaller.

It's a place I can hide things.

Be a tight squeeze getting through there with your manky hide but I can try.

If it's that important to you.

Okay.

Yes.

It is.

For Shadow.

Alright, then.

- Close your eyes.

- Why?

Think about your man.

How does this work, exactly?

We're goin' through the horde.

Quit your squealin'!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, that sh*t...

that sh*t is messed up.

Oh, your horde is so messed up.

What the f*ck?

f*ck.

Oh, he's on a train.

f*ck off.

You know, you could try a little gratitude every now and then.

Might improve your luck.

I work for the Gods.

They gave us penicillin and streaming p*rn and aircraft carriers that circle the globe.

You're siding with the relics who, quite frankly, don't deserve an ounce of your faith.

You've been drifting since your wife passed away and trust me when I tell you there are dangerous men out there who prey on marks just looking to be saved.

I don't need saving.

You sure about that?

Okay.

One more question for you.

There's a man in Chicago.

He had a big cup of hot chocolate in the morning, with marshmallows.

And then he went to bed.

And he dreamt of snow.

And when he woke up...

...it'd snowed.

How'd that happen?

Hm?

It didn't.

It did.

Grown up fast this summer.

It's not what I wanted.

I don't want you to go, Mom.

Hey.

You think I do?

I don't know how to live here...

not without you.

Be polite.

Respectful.

When you feel the hate and the pain, let it make you stronger.

No matter how dark the world gets, your light will always be shining.

Oh, God.

Oh, God...

Where's your coin?

Oh!

♪ I can say ♪ You are my ♪ Adorable one ♪ I can say ♪ You are my ♪ Adorable one ♪ You are be...

♪ Beyond compare ♪ You are ♪ That's why I can say ♪ Oh oh yes you are ♪ Yes you are ♪ My adorable one ♪ There will be ♪ No tomorrow ♪ If we part...

Betty.

Betty the Barbarian.

You were forged from blue-collar sweat in the heartland of a forcibly Christian land.

You are not what you came into this world as but instead... a berserker...

and worthy of a berserker's honor.

Oh, hell, no.

You are the standard of my world.

Though it might not be your way, I honor you in the most holy way that I know.

The looming locomotive is the flaming arrow that soars through the heavy air from the bow of a Viking king.

Let it strike you true and light your path to Valhalla.

Valhalla?

Ain't nobody going to f*cking Valhalla!

I'll see you in Cairo.

You will dine at the table of the Hooded One.

We will meet in your reincarnation.

Be proud, Betty.

Be proud.

Hey!

I'm gonna f*ck you up!

Missed.

Missed again.

Strike three.

Smile.

It's just a bit of fun.

You see this?

Hmm?

This coin is a token of a relic who is unworthy of your belief.

Come on over to the winning side, Shadow.

Or stand there and continue to play the loser.

I had to save you.