01x10 - The Coxswain

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Workin' Moms". Aired: January 2017 to present.*
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"Workin' Moms" revolves around a group of friends dealing with the challenges of being working mothers.
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01x10 - The Coxswain

Post by bunniefuu »

Kate: Previously on "Workin' Moms".

Richard: You got the job.

Can you leave in a week? A week?

Anne?

I landed on my stomach.

Val: Are you prepared for the hormonal shift that can occur when you quit breast feeding?

I already had postpartum, can't get it twice.

The baby is fine. What?!

You don't seem happy.

Because of me, we can potentially get out of debt.

I guess you don't even need me, Kate.

(Axe thuds)

(Huffs) I really thought I'd be better at this, otherwise I never would have suggested it.

That's a revealing statement.

Try using your ass next time. Clench it.

You've done this before? Yeah, of course I have.

So I guess no one else is coming?

Yeah, it seems our fellow "Mommy and Me'rs" disapprove of my field trip choice.

Ah, it's 'cause their spines are weak.

Frankie, drive it home!

(Hard thud) Yes!

Does Lionel know you're here, in your, uh, condition?

Hey, I'm not even throwing. What, should I just be dead?

Is that one of the approved list on activities?

Jenny, straighten those stupid shoulders!

(Hard thud) Woo!

(Happy grunt)

I always thought you could run like a small aggressive country, Anne.

Just two fists in some chino pants.

(Grunts with effort)

(Hard thud) Hup, hup, ladies.

This one for the win.

Agh!

Haaa!

(Hard thud)

(Victorious) Haaa!

Jesus.

Boy: Hey guys, uh...

Somebody's baby is crying, so...

Val says it's time to go.

Oh, yeah. Woops.

Oh, uh... those have to stay in here.

♪♪♪

♪ H-hands in the air ♪

♪ H-h-hands in the air ♪ There you guys are. Why didn't you wake me?

Sorry, I was hungry. Mm, k*ller pancakes, Sarah.

My pleas.

There's some batter here, for you, Katie.

This is the only pancake I need.

This guy right here. Hi baby.

(Munching) Thank you. Let's get you fed.

Oh no, he's already been fed.

We got a full day, don't we little man?

Swimming lessons. Woo!

Swimming lessons? (Scoff)

Good luck with that, this kid hates the water.

What's happening?

Um, actually...

Sarah took him to the pool last week and he loved it, so we signed him up for lessons.

I forgot to tell you with all that's been going on.

But I'm telling you, this dude is a little merman.

He just needed to get loose. Get liberated, you know?

Yeah-yeah, cool-cool, liberated, I get ya.

Probably also depends on the pool, right?

Depth, temperature.

(Exhales)

Oh, okay.

All right, I gotta go. What?

sh*t, what am I thinking, I gotta go too.

Aren't you gonna have any pancakes?

Yes. Good call.

One quick pancake and I will hit the road.

Oh God, it's way too much, it's enormous.

It's gonna take forever to cook.

So you're gonna...

Yeah, I think I'll wait it out, so you guys go ahead.

(Calming breath)

♪♪♪

(Loud whirring)

So is today the day you're gonna m*rder our children?

(Whirring stops)

I am gonna bond with her today.

It's gonna be a nightmare. Okay.

The other day she asked me if I was sure I was her birth mother.

Yeah, like she could be the product of any other woman.

Snap this time. Like this? Alice, come here a sec.

But I get to squeeze the Almond milk cheesecloth.

It's the best part.

Don't worry I'll save it for you.

(Disgusted sigh)

What do you wanna do today?

Name your price, I am all yours.

Any price? Yeah, sure.

$40- No, $30.

Looks like we both got a little DNA in there after all.

And, hey, promise me you won't do anything physical.

Yeah, yeah. Uh, crush your cloth. Grab your coat.

Giselle: (Hums a song)

Oh, hey, how was your pottery class?

I don't wanna talk about it. Is that another ball?

They're getting a little larger.

Yeah, it's another ball, so what?

Whoa, Frank? I like making balls.

The instructor keeps pushing these new shapes on me and I'm just not having it.

What if some of us just want to make balls?

You can make whatever shape you want.

It's supposed to bring you peace, not make you coo-coo.

You want to come to the farmers market with us?

No, I can't I have a showing.

Okay. Well, good luck with that.

Say bye, Miss Rhoda.

♪♪♪

♪ Check - hey Check me out, hey! ♪

♪ Check - hey Check me out! ♪

♪ Come and take a ride on my roller coaster ♪

♪ Take you up high just to let you down ♪

♪ Get ready for the ride 'cause I'm coming over ♪

♪ Come on take a ride on my roller coaster ♪

(Shuts off the song) No.

Should I have knocked?

I'm just, I'm really sorry, It's just, I wanted to feel...

What are you doing here anyway?

Uh, it's Tuesday and I work here.

Hm-hm. It's just that Richard said that you were gonna take the week off to, you know, plan for Montreal and spend time with your family.

Uh, (stammers) Yes. No. So, um...

Anything I should know before I go and get all that done.

No, nothing.

But I'll be in touch as soon as I get your itinerary.

Hm. I'm gonna grab my favorite candle.

It's actually mine.

Right. Yeah. So leave that please.

Cool, cool.

Oh, you know what? I gotta water my plant.

Pretty sure that's fake. It's silk, no?

Definitely silk.

Who am I kidding, this is why I came.

Oh, (Nervous laugh)

Ha, ha, ha. That's my girl.

Instructor: All right, hold on tightly right here.

Ponies are so cool. Their all best friends, until one talks behind the others back, but they work it out.

She's getting confused with this unicorn cartoon that she really likes.

I recommend it if you wanna feel bright.

Mommy, ride with me.

Oh, no dice, honey, this is for you.

Well, does mommy weigh more than 175?

What?

Mean nanny, you come. Mommy's too big.

Whoa, hey. Whoa, no. That's not - I'm not at all.

Hey, look, I told you, she's never gonna bond with me with you around, okay?

We get it, she loves you. Could you back off?

Okay.

Okay, get me on this pony, Paula.

Yay!

Anne, are you sure that's safe?

Just back up a little.

Just keep going. A little bit further.

Have fun, Alice.

Anne, be careful. Okay!

This is the best.

Mom, you're on a pony.

I can't wait to tell dad.

Oh, we're just gonna keep this between you and I, okay?

(Door squeaks open)

Woman: Well, I love it, but I know my husband is gonna say it's out of our price range.

Frankie: Well, just remind him that in this city, everything's out of everyone's price range.

(Laughs) Yeah. I had to wait for my parents to die before we can even start looking.

Hey Frankie.

Whoa-whoa-whoa, Keith?

Are you here to view the house?

Um, yeah. With Adam?

Keith: Um, we just-- Wow. That's not cool, man.

You're my client.

Did he, did he tell you that he was with me, or--

He just said you were having a hard time finding a good place.

Ah, right, right, yeah.

Well, the only reason I'm having a hard time finding one is 'cause he's so picky. Excuse me?

Oh, c'mon, no brass fixtures, no tile floors, central air only.

It's like you're the princess and the pea, man.

Everything is a pea with you.

Okay, Frankie, just... get a hold of yourself.

Get a hold of myself?

At least I have morals and ethics or whatever.

It's not right what you're doing, man.

It's not right and it's not good.

Can we just go in now?

What a waste of my g*dd*mn time!

You think I liked driving you around with your...

Hermes cologne?

What about you, huh?

You gonna run off like those guys?

Yeah-yeah, right-right. Well, go on, get outta here.

All of ya!

(Huffs)

I have better things to do with my time than be everyone's g*dd*mn punching bag.

Seriously, Frankie, you should go.

f*ck!

Hey. Kate!

Come sit, meet the girls:

Jessica, Britney, Ashley.

Hey guys, how you doing?

(Excited gasp) Hey buddy, how was swim lessons?

Great. Charlie really went with the flow.

He's so free-spirited. Okay.

I'm sorry, who is this? Oh, I'm Charlie's mom.

Did Sarah not tell you we were sister?

Britney: No. So, Kate, what is it that you do?

Yeah, Sarah hasn't said much about you.

It's so sweet, she's helping you out.

Family is so important. Aren't they?

Yeah, it's numero uno for me. The most important.

All: (Unimpressed) Hm.

Oh, Yeah. Which is why I've, uh... decided to spend most of my days at home with him.

So, then, um... why do you need help?

I need help because well...

You know what? I think I got this.

Little play date. If you wanna go take some "you" time.

Okay, Cool.

Bye girls. Girls: Bye.

She's obsessed with him.

You know, and she, she's decided not to have children.

Girls: Oh. So sad.

It is so sad. So sad and so true.

(Baby coos)

(Grunts in discomfort)

Can I help you with that? Anne: I got it.

Hey Alice, where should we go now, huh?

Where have you always dreamt of going?

Disney World.

How 'bout within driving distance?

Wal-Mart!

Okay. (Sneezes)

Gesundheit.

(Car keys clatter on the ground)

Mommy! You're bleeding!

sh*t. Oh no.

Okay, Alice get in the car!

Okay, we've gotta get you to the Hospital right now.

C'mon, let's go.

(Doors slam)

You in?

(Engine whirs, seatbelts click)

(Anne inhales and exhales)

You're not funny. Thank you.

(Laughing)

(Hard whack) Ow! Charlie, no.

No hitting.

What's wrong?

It's just that this is a "no" free circle.

Yeah. It's important.

So you guys never say no?

Girls: No.

So, can I borrow a hundred thousand dollars?

(Laughs) Can't say no.

Oh, do you need money? No. Of course not.

'Cause I could talk to my husband.

Yeah?

(Chuckles) I'm kidding. I'm kidding, geez.

(Laughing)

Come on.

No, totally. I'm more joking than you.

I'm totally financially stable. Britney: Yeah.

Well, this, this has been great.

This has been a really fun play-date.

Um, we're gonna hit it though because we gotta a lot of errands to run.

But you guys, Sarah should get all your numbers and we'll do this again.

Once again, the baby is fine. Okay, thank goodness.

You, on the other hand, I warned you.

As you're aware, at the slightest sight of blood, we have to be more cautious, so you are officially on bed rest.

God dammit! Anne.

Something tells me you weren't taking it as easy as I advised.

Yeah, uh, how could you go pony riding in your condition.

I mean, you promised me!

Those ponies had their spirits crushed along time ago.

We barely moved. In any case, it's your lucky day. I've decided to allow you to have your bed rest at home, for now.

Any changes and it'll be hospitalization.

Lucky day, indeed.

That means you're only permitted to get out of bed when absolutely necessary. Spectacular.

And lastly, you're on pelvic rest until further notice.

Uh, wait, how's she supposed to go number two?

Through her anus.

Pelvic rest means no sexual intercourse.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that won't be a problem.

Good. Are we done, can we go?


Sure.

Anne.

Your bed rest starts now, in case that wasn't clear.

They're comfier than they look. Lionel: Hmm?

Oh my dear, Frankie.

We got some great times over the years, haven't we?

Ah, the house formally owned by the artist formally known as Bryan Adams.

Uh, and you invested that nest egg well, right?

Yeah, of course, Giselle made me put it in the bank.

Good. So...

I'm sensing something has been a bit... off with you lately.

Frankie there have been a few complaints.

Complaints? Uh, right. Okay.

Now I don't know what happened today, but I heard from Adam Frasier-- Yeah.

Yeah, I ran into Adam Frasier today.

Frankie, I am in a tricky position.

I mean, what do you think I should do here.

Um... you think I should... take some time off?

That's a very logical decision.

♪♪♪

♪ The blood is thick ♪

♪ Thicker than my thoughts are quick ♪

♪ Quicker than these thoughts turn sick, sick ♪

♪ Sicker than my temperature rising ♪

♪ Sicker than the whites of their eyes despising me ♪

♪ And all my lovers that I can't disguise ♪

♪ And I'll never know why ♪

(Horn honks) ♪ Ooh, the air is clear ♪

♪ Clearer than the taste of tears ♪

♪ Clearer than me smell of fear ♪

♪ And I'm fearful for a long, cold year with you ♪

♪ Don't you know what you do ♪

♪ You give me the horrors ♪

♪ And I give you the goo that oozes ♪

♪ Separate the scabs from the bruises ♪

♪ I turn my thoughts off and on ♪

♪ And off and on and off and on ♪

♪ And off and on and off and on ♪

(Exasperated breath)

♪ And off and on and off and on ♪

(Crash!)

Hey Val? Val: Oh. Kate.

Did you forget something? Need to borrow a pad?

I don't. No.

I got the email that Charlie will lose his seat because I'm going to Montreal?

I know it's a coveted spot, but I thought maybe there was something that I could, you know, like... what do you guys need, some new toys?

I mean, that foam tile's looking a little b*at up.

Some fresh carpet, curtains, blinds, cash.

Kate, I'm not following. Do you work for the building?

Wow, Val.

I did not take you as someone who would drive a hard bargain.

Fresh coat of paint on the walls, final offer.

What do you say? Yes, that would be lovely.

I have been saying for years, we need color in here.

It's so drab. Agh.

So great, then we have a deal.

I will get some fresh paint on these walls and Charlie will enjoy it when I get back in his spot.

Yes of course. In your-- You--

Kate, is this a bribe? Is it working?

Kate, I thought we were friends.

The very best of friends. Best friends.

And as such, you know, best friends keep secrets.

They're like sisters, you know?

So, uh... what do you say, you don't tell the mountie and we just keep it between you, me and these fading walls.

Well, if I'm going to start taking bribes, Kate, there is something else I'm going to need.

Okay. What is it, you dirty dog?

Would you consider friendship bracelets?

You know what? Matching hair cuts.

How about a hug.

Yeah. All right, okay.

Val: Let's do it.

They say seven seconds. That's the rule.

♪♪♪

Nathan: Hey, what are all these boxes?

Kate: Yeah, I went to Costco.

I mean, how are you supposed to get the camera in?

Did you at least have fun today?

For the love of God, say "yes".

Why is there a year's supply of boxers on our bed?

Just trying to make sure you guys are set while I am gone.

Is there like a winter's coming apocalypse that I don't know about?

For a boy who's like five years older than our son?

I'm just trying to be prepared.

No.

Here.

Jesus! Sorry. That's just over there.

Let me do that. No, I got it. I got it.

Just, sort of, a righty-tighty, lefty-loosey situation.

Hm-hmm. Yeah.

I'm not thrilled that you're going, but we're gonna be fine. Yeah.

Do you want me to tell you that it's gonna suck and we're not gonna get by without you?

Maybe.

Okay, it's gonna suck and we're gonna miss you like crazy, but... you gotta let go a little bit.

What does that mean?

It means if you're gonna go, you actually need to let go.

Be there.

And I promise to wear clean underwear.

Thank you for going along with all of this.

I'm not sure I had a choice.

So that raise you mentioned?

How much are we talking about?

25 percent increase.

Wow. You're gonna be making more than me.

I think my balls just started crying.

(Laughs) Ball tears.

Ooh. But are you happy for me?

I'm okay with it.

Happy, might be pushing it.

Not even 25 percent happy?

Okay, 25 percent happy. I'll take it.

(Laughs) Uh, that's backwards.

No, I don't think so.

(Big sigh)

(Approaching footsteps)

Mommy.

Hey, what are you doing?

Did your dad send you to check in on me?

No.

Can I get into bed with you?

Yeah.

Yeah, come here, honey.

♪♪♪

(Relaxed sigh) There you go.

♪ When you come into my mind ♪

♪ I lose track of time ♪

♪ And I dream a dream of you ♪

♪ Running into my arms ♪

♪ This is the best part ♪

♪ This is the best part ♪ I think I'm gonna take a break from work.

I think that's a good idea.

I'll see if the school will take me back early.

We'll figure it out.

I'm sorry I crashed the car into another car.

It was an accident.

I'm sure it was.

Are you scared?

Can you just tell me?

No. Not at all.

Are you doing that creepy flight attendant thing?

Like is the whole plane going down?

'Cause I don't really know what's going on right now.

Maybe you could just smile, right? 'Cause then I'll know you're cool, then I'll be cool, you know?

I'd be a terrible flight attendant.

(Groans)

Shh. Come here. (Whimpers)

♪ This is the best part this is the best part ♪

♪ This is the best part this is the best part ♪
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