06x10 - Depositions

[bunniefuu]

Okay, those of you who were working the day that Carol was electrocuted by the robot, you're gonna be deposed by Carol's lawyer today.

Now, Cloud 9's lawyer will also be present.

He advises we answer every question honestly but try and downplay their liability.

So, feel free to get creative walking that perjury line.

How much isCloud 9 gonna have to pay Carol?

Oh, I heard about a guy who got his butt sliced off when a shelf fell.

Voop!

10 million.

- What?

- No, no...

Dang, that's a nice payday.

I'm sorry... a guy got his butt sliced off, and we didn't hear about it in the news?

Wait, so Carolcould get $10 million?

Okay.

That makes sense.

T-the world makes sense.

She'll be able to do that thing where you buy a car and you just drive it once.

Like, when you get to where you're going, you just toss the keys to whoever and leave.

No, she's the kinda person who'd blow it all on exotic animals, then die broke in the bathroom of a Red Robin.

Carol, you can probably just go start your shift now.

No, I'm good.

Is this what today's gonna be like, everyone talking about me?

God, I'm gonna hate this!

You're looking at a boot?

- You're not a boot guy.

- I know.

Everyone knows that.

But I'm just seeing what's out there, because...

someone's getting their ankle monitor off today!

Oh, my God, Mateo, that's huge!

- I know, right?

- Girl, it has sucked!

Feeling like a criminal every time I tied my shoes...

Ooh!

Why not get yourself some capri pants, too, so you can show off your ankle?

I'd rather go back to jail.

Excuse me.

Can you help me find Carol Malloon?

I'm her attorney, Hannah Connelly?

Well, hear this.

Carol's gonna do everything she can to pin this on me, but if she wants to make this ugly, I will drag it all the way to hell!

I think she's in floral.

On your left, just ahead towards the register.

Okay.

Thank you.

Mateo, softly: Okay.

Oh, hey, Glenn.

You're, uh, dripping something green there, buddy.

Ah!

This is the third stress ball I blasted through today.

Wow.

Maybe today should be more of a Koosh day for you.

It's just these depositions.

You know, lawyers make me anxious.

- It's nothing to worry about.

- You know, maybe it would help if we practiced a little bit.

Oh, yeah, good idea.

Okay.

So you be me, and I'll be the lawyer.

Uh, maybe you should be you.

'Cause I'll be me in the deposition.

Okay.

Good catch.

- Hey, Dina, did ya see?

- Lazer Maze finally reopened.

Yeah!

Took 'em long enough.

What, one black light falls on a kid, and you have to close for a year?

Well, COVID...

- Oh, right.

Well, listen.

- We should go later tonight.

Yeah.

And there's that Mediterranean place next door.

We could fuel up first.

I mean, if that's...

cool.

Why wouldn't it be?

Because of my views on the Greeks?

- What?

No.

- I'm just trying to be good about the boundaries that you and Brian set up.

Oh, no, it's not like a date.

As long as whatever we're doing ends in sex, it's like the laser tag is just extended foreplay.

Right.

Foreplay surrounded by teenagers and cardboard aliens.

- I been turned on by worse.

- Me, too.

Okay, state your name for the record.

Glenn Sturgis.

Why are you writing that down?

That's the right answer.

No, no, this is what lawyers do... they might take notes.

But you can't let that distract you.

Oh, mind games!

Oh, okay, well, sure, yeah... game on.

Check and mate.

Ohh...

Sure.

Also, they might let a quiet moment hang after you've answered a question.

Silences are uncomfortable, and so people will try to fill them and then end up saying more.

- Oh, okay.

Got it.

- No problem.

Ha.

What is this?

Are you doing it now?

Are you mad at me?

Did you find out that I accidentally hit your car in the parking lot?

Because it was just a scratch!

You think you're so perfect, you know?

Well, I used to have a body like that once.

So, you know, so check out your future, you fart face!

Okay.

So, some things to work on.

Hey, Mateo, it's Eugene.

This is what I look like in a mask.

- Yeah, I can tell it's you.

- Hi.

I got a subpoena.

I guess 'cause the lawyers think I'm Glenn's assistant and wanna depose me?

Oh, crap.

Right.

- Don't worry.

- I'm just gonna go in there and explain our situation...

How, on paper, you know, you still work in the Vision Center and I'm "Glenn's assistant." - What?

No.

- Eugene, you can't.

Our arrangement isn't exactly... above board.

Just...

pretend you're Glenn's assistant.

But if I lie under oath, they'll send me to jail.

If you tell them the truth, it's gonna ruin my whole life.

Please?

I'm supposed to get my ankle monitor off today.

I might even be a boot guy now.

- You're not a boot guy.

- People change!

Whatever.

You can't go in there.

Well, I kinda have to 'cause of the subpoena, but I'll them that you really don't wanna be in trouble.

Hey.

You gotta do what you believe is right.

- Right.

- Why don't you stay here, and I'll go see if they're ready for you.

Okay.

Eugene?

Did you lock me out?

No!

I didn't even touch the door!

Oh, no!

The door must be stuck!

Hey, Dina, Brett wants to go home because of his sciatica?

Is that a real thing, or is it like when Isaac needed Friday off for an appointment with his Mandalorian?

Hang on.

What do you think's going on between Garrett and that woman?

- Uh...

I don't know.

- Looks like he's helping some girl with a dead tree.

Yeah, but it seemed like she was laughing.

If anything, he should be laughing at her for that ridiculous return.

- Oh, my God.

- Are you jealous?

What?

No, I'm dating Brian.

- I don't know.

- You and Garrett have been hanging out a lot lately, so...

kinda feels like you guys "like" like each other.

No, we don't "like" like each other because we're not 12-year-olds at archery camp.

We are adults in a complex relationship where I am the hinge between a romantic primary and a sexual secondary.

I've never been a hinge before.

Well, one time, the exterminator walked in on us and, like, kinda lingered, but I guess that doesn't count.

No.

That's just exterminators.

Jesus!

What is this...

Ladies' Night at Customer Service?

On the day of the incident, Glenn Sturgis was floor supervisor.

Yes, he was.

To the best of your knowledge, did Mr.

Sturgis make any modifications to the robot?

Uh, no, Glenn would never do anything like that.

Glenn's a bit of a technophobe, you know?

He keeps his radio dialed to the Christmas station all year round 'cause he's worried he's not gonna be able to find his way back.

So it's your understanding that he generally avoided the robot.

Oh, absolutely.

So that would include performing the required maintenance and software updates.

Uh...

I'm sorry?

That's the responsibility of a floor supervisor.

Oh, uh...

huh.

I...

I did not know that.

A skipped or improperly performed update could have resulted in the electrocution of my client, so...

Yeah, well, I-I mean, I'm sure Glenn tried to do the updates.

Thi...

this is not like to...

to, you know, fill the silence...

or whatever.

But just to say it, shouldn't there have been like a technician or something involved?

I mean, I feel like it's unfair to expect somebody like Glenn...

"Somebody like Glenn." Is there a competence issue?

No!

No, no!

Glenn is...

can be...

uh, competent, uh, in...

in a lot of ways.

Could...

do you wanna...

Do you wanna jump in here?

This lawsuit is against the Cloud 9 corporation.

But it sounds like you're saying that Mr. Sturgis, as an individual, is responsible for the injury.

It's not your turn to ask questions.

- Thank you.

- But I like that question.

- So I'll ask it.

- I...

objection.

O-overruled.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what?

I can take care of this for you.

Why don't you just pick out - a different size?

- Trying to get her into something more form-fitting?

Man, Customer Service is just your own sick little candy store, isn't it?

Uh...

and bereavement cards are on aisle three.

I'm sorry about your sister.

What was that?

Did you really think I was flirting with her?

Well, it looked like there was less blood in your face.

- It had to go somewhere.

- I was being pleasant.

And even if I was flirting with her, who cares?

We're not dating, so I can flirt with or date whoever I want.

- No, totally.

- I mean, if that's...

what you want, then knock yourself out.

Date a hundred women.

And you wouldn't have a problem with that, right?

No!

No, I'd be fine.

You'dbe the person with the problem, because you're so bad with names.

Regardless, I'm fine, you're fine.

That lady can throw it around as much as she wants.

We're all fine!

Anyway...

Hey!

I got you a little congratulations gift for getting your ankle monitor off...

Some fun socks!

Okay, great.

Just drop 'em on the ground and walk away.

- Thanks so much.

- Aw, man, fun socks?

Takes me a pic!

Why is Eugene in your office?

Eugene got stuck!

Apparently, my door got jammed.

He was gonna blab to the lawyers about our work arrangement.

So you kidnapped him?

No!

You can't be kidnapped if you don't know you're being kidnapped.

Oh.

Okay.

So what's your plan?

I don't have one yet!

While you were out there buying socks, I was busy dealing with this!

Love the socks, by the way.

So thoughtful.

Uh, hey, uh, quick heads up.

It's...

it's looking like they're targeting Glenn to take the fall for Carol's lawsuit.

- Ugh.

- Yeah!

The lawyer, she's just like...

Like anything you say, she's just gonna twist to make it sound like Glenn's incompetent.

What did you say that she twisted?

Oh, me?

Uh, well, f-for me, it was, uh, I might've...

I said something along the lines of Glenn...

uh, being incompetent.

Mm.

Don't see how that got twisted.

Jonah, why would you say that?

Glenn can't afford to get sued.

He has a two-year-old, and his health is, like, sobad.

- Yeah.

Yeah, got it.

- Yeah, no.

Stomach cramps on full blast already.

Oh, hey, there's Carol, everybody.

Hey, Carol, can you talk to your lawyer?

Jonah screwed up royally, and now she's going after Glenn.

Oh, no, I hate to hear that.

But gotta let the lawyers do their job, right?

Now, what should I name my boat?

I'm leaning toward "Wet Ride," but I'm open to other ideas.

Look, all you guys have to do is go in there and make Glenn sound like he's, you know, good at his job...

which, he is!

And when the system went down, Glenn put in everybody's hours for the previous week from memory.

- Hmm.

- And why did the system - go down?

- Because somebody spilled juice on the clock-in machine.

- Oh, was there a...

- child in the back area?

No.

It was an adult that was running away with juice 'cause they weren't supposed to be drinking it.

And this adult was...

Bad at running with juice.

Would you say that Glenn Sturgis is a competent manager?

Is this off the record, or...

- This is all under oath.

- Under... great.

Oh, boy.

Okay...

Glenn is... what is Glenn?

Glenn I...

you know, ha!

He is...

it's...

the thing...

the thing is, about him...

Glenn and I, we're top dogs in this doghouse.

Why?

Competence.

Jonah's...

the most competent.

Then Dina, obviously.

Preeti is probably up there too.

Uh...

Oh, Mateo.

Jeez.

Okay.

- Glenn can...

- handle phone calls, uh, keep things in binders...

Oh!

He wears clothes.

Uh...

honestly, when you add it up, he can do, like, probably hundreds of things.

- Uh, I said...

Garrett yet?

- Did I mention Garrett?

So there's gonna be Jonah, Dina, Garrett, Preeti, me...

Depending on the week...

Glenn Sturgis is...

Mm...

Could you repeat the question?

He has a weird voice.

Like...

"Okay, everybody..." So, Eugene, you're Glenn's assistant.

Eugene O'Malley is Glenn's assistant, yes.

Oh, well, you can just say "I." Eugene O'Malley just thinks a little differently.

Have you met Alan?

Oh, my God, I forgot about Alan!

Okay, do you have a whiteboard?

- This isn't working.

- Carol's lawyer is relentless.

W-we can't let them pin it all on Glenn.

Pin what on me?

Not something, I hope.

Why is this happening to me?

Why do people think that I'm at fault - for Carol's electrocution?

- Uh, well, so, uh, when I was trying to defend you, uh, we were talking about the robot malfunction, and I may have suggested that youwere...

a little less than 100% competent.

You said that?

Yeah...

You don't think I'm competent?

No, Glenn, that's...

- It came out wrong...

- No, no.

I'm...

I'm happy to find out what you really think of me.

But I may have to take your picture out of my wallet.

- Glenn, come on.

- What picture is this again?

One, two...

Ooh!

Oh, no!

I can't believe that didn't work.

Looks like I'm really stuck, you guys.

I think I may have to reschedule my deposition.

Oh, hey, I just spoke with Carol's lawyer, and she said Eugene could do his deposition through the door, if you wanted.

- What?

- She gave me the questions to ask and everything.

He could do his deposition now with us and be done with it.

Well, i-it's a little unorthodox, but I'll allow it.

Uh, so, the first question is...

- Where were you born?

- Where was I born?

Yeah, I know.

It seems like it has nothing to do with Carol's lawsuit.

But that's the first question.

Well, it's a pretty crazy story, uh...

I was born in a hospital in Jefferson City, Missouri.

White mom, white dad.

Hey, Dina, a lot of people have questions - about this email you sent.

- Really?

"Due to recent complaints, "employees at Customer Service are hereby off-limits in regards to flirting and/or dating." Which concept are ya fuzzy on?

Our question is why did you send it?

Yeah.

And did Garrett like specifically say something about me?

'Cause we've been vibing for a while.

- No.

This is just...

- standard procedure.

From corporate.

About dating in the workplace.

I think they just wanna stay a step ahead since it's spring and, you know, everybody's getting horned up.

Hmm.

Damn.

I really thought we were vibing.

Dina, this email's wack.

Come on, just admit it.

You're jealous.

I mean, it makes sense.

Garrett's like a really nice guy and funny and cute.

Well, he's off-limits, Cheyenne.

- I just sent the email.

- Okay.

- Sorry.

It's just I...

- I guess I have been spending more time with Garrett and, I don't know, I...

I liked it, I...

I like him.

Aw.

Well, that's great.

Oh, but, yeah, probably confusing.

Yeah.

'Cause there's still Brian, who I also like, so...

Mmm.

In tenth grade, I was caught between Bo and this guy Darius that he used to freestyle rap with.

- What did you do?

- I told Bo how I felt, and then... he took a poo in the backseat of Darius's mom's station wagon.

Cheyenne, I had such high hopes, and have truly no idea what to take from that story.

I'm just saying that you should tell Garrett how you feel because maybe he feels the same way.

And if he's not willing to take a crap in the backseat of Brian's car, then...

pfft...

There's no decision to make.

And April was kinda fun because the ducklings were having a tea party, and, you know, just imagining them trying to drink that tea with their beaks...

there's no way they got all of it.

- Excuse me.

- You can't be in here.

Yeah.

I am not leaving until you hear me out.

This is totally inappropriate.

What's inappropriate, Hannah, is youall trying to squeeze out a big payday from this good, kind man.

- Jonah...

- No, Glenn, I got this.

Look at your ducklings.

Sir, could you point to the motherboard on this robot for me?

- No, I can't.

- No, you can't.

Hannah, can you update the sim card on the robot?

- No.

- No?!

Huh!

That's interesting.

Because you all have had the exact same amount of training that Cloud 9 gives its floor supervisors...

Jonah, I did it.

S-sorry?

Well, not at first, but I watched hours of online videos and eventually, I figured it out.

That's what I was just showing them.

I kept records of everything...

Every update, every new hardware install...

It's all right here in my calendar.

I did everything that corporate asked me to do.

So I don't know what happened with Carol, but it is not on me.

Anyway, if there are no further questions, I have been nervously holding my pee for six hours, so I really need to get to a men's room.

Oh, and Jonah, I don't think I'll be needing your help with that either.

Glenn, you...

I-I'm not going to help...

It's... it's...

Good day.

Jonah.

- Glenn, hey, look, I...

- I'm sorry.

I should never have implied that you were incompetent.

You've been doing this for a long time, and...

and I should have respected that.

Wow.

Silence really works.

I just said "Jonah," and you completely unloaded.

No, but Glenn, I-I mean it.

I-I should have known that of course you followed all the protocols and maintenance.

- Mm.

- I trust you.

Aw.

Prove it.

What?

If you trust me, then you should have no problem sticking your hand inside that robot.

- Uh, okay, yeah.

- Yeah!

I will do that, because I trust that you made it safe.

- Mm-hmm.

- Carol only got hurt because she used a screwdriver, right?

So, uh, yeah, I will do that and... and... and let you know how it goes.

Right now's good.

Yeah.

Yeah!

Great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This feels good.

This is...

- This feels...

aah,!

- Oh!

- I am so...

- Aah!

That should not have happened!

What is wrong with this...

Aah!

God!

Fudge!

Hey, uh, maybe we should talk about some things.

- Oh, yeah, I'll start.

- Why did I hear from multiple people that I used to date that you emailed them and said that we couldn't talk anymore?

- Yeah, here's the thing.

- Um...

our situation has gotten a little complicated...

Okay, well, I'll make it less complicated...

I'm done.

- What?

- Look, I knew this thing was gonna be fun and weird, but I was really hoping that fun would win.

Turns out, it's a blowout for weird.

Fine with me.

I'm with Brian, so...

Uh, I'm still gonna go to laser tag tonight, so if you go, maybe we should do different slots, whatever.

- Okay.

- They left the break room.

The Cloud 9 lawyer said it was "feeling like a wings night," so I think he's leaving.

- Eugene?

- Sandra and I are gonna try one more thing, okay?

I think we're getting close!

Pull harder, Sandra!

Okay!

- Ah!

- Ah!

Whoa!

Did you... redecorate?

Yep.

I felt so bad keeping Mateo from his work.

I'm no gay guy, but I hope you like it.

Thanks, Eugene.

See ya.

Wow!

Hey.

Don't feel guilty.

You're getting your ankle monitor off!

And all Eugene knows is that the door was stuck and he got to - redecorate an office.

- Right.

You're right.

And I mean, he was barely kidnapped.

We didn't ask for a ransom or do anything to his nipples.

I don't know...

I think you're gonna need more than sanitizer.

Big deposition fan, huh?

I...

sorry about all that.

Naw, it was fun.

It was kind of like being in a haunted house.

I kept waiting for you to pop out from somewhere else.

Look, I was just trying to protect Glenn.

From the big, mean lawyer trying to get her payday.

Look, I get it.

I get it.

But you should know I'm not some sleazy ambulance chaser with her face on every bus.

- I never...

- I mean, my face is on one bus but I had to do it...

That's the industry.

- I was just doing my job.

- No, I know.

And I was just...

embarrassing myself.

- Big time!

- Yeah.

I-I thought it was kind of sweet, actually.

Hannah!

- Let's go get margs, girl!

- Oh, yeah!

You're buying!

Oh, my God, she is the worst.

You didn't hear me say that.

Oh, no, of course not.

Hey, uh, Hannah, um, let me know if you have any other...

depositions I can crash.

Oh, yeah.

I'll see what I can do, Mr. Simms.