Devil to Pay!, The (1930)

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Ladies and gentlemen.

We are gathered here this afternoon ..

For the purpose of selling the effects of Mr William Hale.

Who is leaving Africa for England tomorrow.

Assuming the sale is successful.

Lot number one. A wonderful piece of furniture.

A genuine antique. What am I offered?

Ten.

Fifteen. Twenty.

Twenty-five.

Hey, I only paid a tenner for it myself.

Please, Mr Hale.

Twenty-five was the last offer.

Do I hear thirty for this genuine antique?

Thirty.

Come on down from there.

This is my sale and I wish to make a speech.

Ladies and gentlemen.

We gather here today to take part in the regrettable failure of one William Hale.

You're not a failure, Willy.

Angel.

The failure of the aforementioned W. Hale.

May be attributed to ..

Horses with short noses.

Good cards, but not good enough.

Bad luck, old man.

Nonsense.

It is obvious that many of you are here today to pay out of friendship for me ..

Prices far beyond the value of the articles to be sold.

No, no.

Yes, yes.

And believe me, my friends. I am grateful.

But it cannot be, and so that you are not cheated.

I am going to be the auctioneer.

Lot number one.

If this piece of furniture lived for a 1,000 years it will never be an antique.

How much am I bid? Nine.

Ten.

Fourteen. Fifteen. Who said nine?

Sixteen. Who said nine?

I did.

For the third and last time, it's yours.

Lot number two.

Here we have the bed occupied by one W. Hale ..

During the entire two years of his life in east Africa. How much?

With our without the owner? Without.

Sixpence.

For such a charming compliment .. it's yours.

And I'll chuck in a couple of blankets.

Five pounds. Eight.

Ten.

Twelve. Fourteen.

Who said ten? I did.

It's yours.

I've always wanted you to sleep in it.

Here, if I may say so.

Is the ugliest piece of furniture ever born into the world. How much?

One pound. Two.

Three. Four.

Five.

Come on, stick to it.

I've almost got my passage money.

Seven. Eight.

Nine.

Good heavens.

What's the matter?

Oh nothing. What is it?

Why you ..

You can't be reading the paper and then jump up in the air and say it's nothing.

How terribly funny.

Will you tell me what's in that paper at once.

Your son Willie has met with a misfortune, darling.

I knew it.

What has the scoundrel been doing now?

Read it.

Lord Leland's son sells himself up in East Africa.

I knew it.

I told him this was the last chance I would give him. Go on, what does it say?

What's it say?

"Mr William Hale, youngest son of Lord Leland."

"Conducted the sale of his furniture in person."

"He attributed his failure to horses with short noses .."

"Good cards, but not good enough."

"At the end of the sale he informed his audience."

"He was clear of debt, he had his passage home .."

"And a hundred pounds to play cards with."

The villain.

I give him a house and furniture and he sells the lot.

Never again. Father darling. Calm yourself.

I won't calm myself.

The scoundrel has been nothing but trouble since the day he was born.

This is the tenth time I've given him another chance and he's failed me.

But father ..

Never again, never again. Never!

Never, never.

If he ..

If he ever sets his foot in this house again, I'll ..

I'll kick him out.

That's what I'll do .. I'll ..

I'll personally kick him out, the villain.

The infernal villain. I ..

Hello Dorothy.

Lord Leland in the role of the heavy father was tremendously effective.

You cheeky little devil, you.

And who is going to get the order of the boot?

Don't tell me Arthur, you've been a bad boy?

Hello Dorothy. Hello, Arthur.

No, I'm not the guilty one.

It's little brother, Willie.

Well after all, I do see the old boy's point of view.

Yes, you would.

Susan tells me that you are going to become engaged to the Grand Duke Paul.

Yes.

Well, he's a lucky fellow.

I hope he makes you very happy.

Will the future Grand Duchess take tea?

Thanks.

What's he like, this brother of yours? Willie?

There is his photograph.

Oh, he's a wicked, soft and irresponsible sort of a person.

But I adore him.

Oh, he is attractive, isn't he.

Tired, old fellow?

Well, you haven't much further to go.

Taxi.

Sorry sir, it's promised.

Ah my friend, we are living in a world of broken promises.

Oh righto. Go on.

Step in.

How is yourself? Oh .. not so bad, sir.

Good.

Thank you. Thank you, sir.

Now old friend, let's concentrate.

I want you to take these bags to Leland House, Grosvenor Square.

Oh, but I've driven his Lordship there many times, sir.

Good. Well, I'm his son. Ah ..

Now listen.

My family doesn't yet know that their little pet is in England again.

If my luggage arrived before I did ..

It will give them the opportunity of wasting a good deal of their rage ..

On my luggage instead of on me.

In fact, they might even be too exhausted to say anything to me at all.

That's right, sir.

What do you think, eh?

Oh, it's a grand idea, sir. Good.

So you pop along with this.

Leave it and ..

Say nothing. Righto, sir.

Much obliged, sir.

We are obliged to each other. Not at all, sir.

Papers, papers!

Yes, sir.

Laguna is sure to win the Derby tomorrow, sir.

I'll lay you the odds to half a crown it doesn't.

Where do I draw my money, governor?

Leland House, Grosvenor Square.

I'll be there tomorrow night, sir.

Don't you come if it loses.

You bet your life I won't, sir.

Well George my little fellow, how is yourself?

Bored with being in a shop window, eh?

So would I be, bless your heart.

What's that? You need a sportsman to take you out of there?

Oh, I'm broke.

Besides, what would I do with you if I did?

You would be no trouble and you would behave yourself?

George.

You lie to me.

You know you would be an awful lot of trouble.

Don't keep on saying you wouldn't because you couldn't help yourself.

Oh, I tell you I'm broke.

What's that? You're cheap?

Just one minute.

How much for George?

The price is fifteen pounds, sir.

What did you mean by saying you were cheap?

What's that?

He said you've doubled his price because I look rich.

A pedigree dog, sir.

The price is fifteen pounds.

Good afternoon.

I've only twenty in the whole world, George.

I know it would leave me a fiver, but I want to go to the Derby tomorrow.

For heaven's sake, will you stop looking at me like that.

Look here.

If I offer him a tenner and he refuses ..

Will that satisfy you?

Cross your heart.

A tenner for George.

I'm sorry, sir.

The price is fifteen pounds.

Good afternoon, finally.

Sorry George, old fellah, but ..

He's as hard as nails.

Goodbye, George.

I'm sorry. I think we might have been good friends.

Good luck.

I'll pray you find a nice home.

Sorry, I can't old fellah. Must go to the Derby tomorrow.

Goodbye.

Good luck.

Give me that dog and may the Lord have mercy on your soul.

Shall I brush him? No thanks.

You're just a dirty little blackmailer, that's what you are.

Taxi.

Where are we going?

We're going to my club for a whiskey and soda.

And then we're going to see a beautiful lady.

Do you mind?

Whites Club.

Molly!

God preserve us! It's Mr Willie.

Oh sir, I am glad to see you.

Where have you been these last two years?

Oh, I've been getting about a bit, Molly.

Won't Miss Mary be pleased to see you?

Listen.

Hide behind that screen.

And you keep your mouth shut, do you hear.

What an audience.

Oh how sick I am of it.

You'd hate to leave it for all of that.

I wonder what's happened to Mr Willy all this time?

The beast hasn't sent me a message in nearly two months.

Ring up his father's house and ask where a cable would find him.

Save your money, luvvy. Little Willy is here.

Willy!

Mary!

You beast!

Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?

I shouldn't have seen how pleased you are to see me.

My word, I'm delighted to see you.

Oh, this is wonderful.

Molly.

Go and tell them my understudy must go on for me tonight.

But Miss, you can't .. Go and tell them.

And you. You're going to take me out to dinner.

I can't think of anything I should like so much.

Oh, I'm so glad to see you.

Now you get behind that screen.

Get behind that screen and I'll dress every so quickly.

Well, do you like her?

It's just as well because you're going to see an awful lot of her.

Well.

Mr Willy hasn't come home, Milord.

There you are.

He has his luggage sent here a five o'clock yesterday afternoon.

And here it is half past nine the next morning and not a word.

Not a sight of him.

Perhaps he's met with an accident?

Of course he's met with an accident.

I only hope he'll marry her.

And stay with her. But, father.

There are no 'buts'. I won't stand it.

The moment he sets his foot in this house, I'll ..

I'll kick him out.

That's what I'll do. I'll ..

I'll jolly well kick him out.

Ah. There he is now.

Morning, Blunt. Good morning, Miss.

Is Miss Susan ready?

Miss Susan is just finishing her breakfast, Miss.

Dad. I'll kick him out.

That's what I'll do.

I'll kick him out.

Am I interrupting a peace conference?

Come in, Dorothy. Sure I'm not in the way?

My dear.

Hello Dorothy. How are you?

You could never be in the way.

Well, well, well.

They tell me tonight is the great night, eh?

Hmm. Well I don't know about the great night.

But I shall be what is known as 'officially engaged'.

Engaged. And I shall be at the party.

For the express purpose of drinking to your health ..

And happiness.

Oh that's divine of you, Lord Leland.

Not at all.

I'm very fond of you, my dear.

I only wish you were going to marry this fellow.

Well really father, this is most embarrassing to me.

And to Dorothy. I don't care if it is.

I'd like to have this girl for a daughter-in-law.

You know why.

I am very unfortunate with my sons, Dorothy.

This one is an unenterprising fellow.

And the other .. well .. ha ..

A villain may come into the house at any moment.

Willy is home.

Or at least we think he is. His luggage arrived last night.

Here it is half past nine, the next day, and not a sign of him.

Have you telephoned the police?

Do you know master Willy?

No. I've never met him.

Ah, well if you had ..

You would know that telephoning the policeman's wife will be more effective.

A villain, my dear.

And the moment he sets his foot in this house ..

I'll kick him out. I swear I will.

I'll kick him out. Yes, by George I will.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Have no fear for the day. You look divine.

Good morning. Thank you. Morning, sir.

Blunt, my dear fellow. I'm glad to see you.

And I'm delighted to see you, Mr Willy.

Well, well, well.

Tell me Blunt, how is my father?

I should describe his Lordship, sir ..

As a gentleman in an uncontrollable rage.

Oh dear, dear, dear. And on my first morning, too. How unfortunate.

George.

George old fellow, I am not going to take you with me.

Because things will be said to me that might make you lose your regard for me.

Blunt.

Would you describe me as looking penitent?

Oh yes, sir.

Good.

Courage .. Willy.

Father.

I am delighted to see you looking so well.

Willy! Hush!

You've no right to be delighted about anything.

What are you doing here? I ..

And where were you last night?

I .. Well?

I unfortunately missed the boat train.

And had to spend the night in Liverpool.

Your luggage was labelled all over: 'Passage to Southampton'.

I know. But I cheated and got out at Liverpool.

Don't.

Don't laugh at the scoundrel, Dorothy.

You'll follow me ..

To my study.

Could I have some of the fatted calf first, father?

There will be no fatted calf for you in this house my friend.

Well could I have some bacon and eggs? No.

Yes .. but be quick about it.

You will find me in my study.

Susan, my beloved.

Willy darling, I'm so glad to see you.

Oh, here you are. Looking sweeter and more beautiful than ever.

Yes. And you bolder and adder than ever.

Oh. You don't know Dorothy do you.

How do you do.

How do you do.

Hello Arthur. How are you? I'm alright.

Good.

I say, look at the time.

Aren't you coming to the Derby? Oh, I hate racing.

So does Dorothy. We're going to Lords to watch them play cricket.

Oh, I see. Alright.

Back Laguna, Arthur.

I would if I had your money to spare, Willy.

Well, here we are. Home sweet home.

What brought you home, Willy? Lack of means, darling.

Haven't you any money at all? Uhuh. Two pounds.

Egg? Who? Oh.

Thank you.

Father won't give you another penny you know.

And I think I ought to warn you there is every chance he will kick you out.

Oh, how awful.

I have money. I'll lend you some.

Father always taught me never to take money from women, Susan.

Willy, his Lordship is waiting for you.

Well you tell His Lordship I'm on the last egg and I'll be there in a tick.

Dorothy what?

Dorothy Hope.

I read about you in the paper.

Oh, you're going to be married, aren't you?

Here is to your happiness.

May I bring him to your party tonight?

Of course.

I say, do come in to the old man. He is in a tearing rage.

Oh, I am sorry.

Well, I'll see you tonight.

Willy, I must know what happens.

We'll be waiting outside in the hall. Good.

You ought to get a nice view from there of me and my luggage being thrown out.

Good luck.

Sit down.

Thank you, sir.

May I say, before you express an opinion of me.

How glad I am to see you looking so well.

I'm not so well. I'm sorry.

Now listen to me, Master Willy.

I'm in no mood for frivolity.

No more am I, father. So we ought to get on splendidly.

Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

Ashamed?

Why?

Don't you realize that for the tenth time you've disgraced me?

Oh, come now. How can anything I do disgrace you?

Only it is great egoism on your part, surely?

Anything disgraceful that I may do, merely gains for you ..

An unfair sympathy from a sycophantic world.

Didn't you sell the house and furniture I gave you?

True. But surely the only disgraceful thing you did ..

Was to give me the house and furniture to sell.

I agree.

Well then, what are you getting so excited about?

I'm not getting excited!

Shall we say that you're taking life and me too seriously?

Now let me tell you, young man.

You've been nothing but trouble since the day you were born.

Well now, as an intelligent man I wonder you didn't anticipate that possibility.

Now.

Now you are blaming me for bringing you into the world.

I should be extremely mortified for your sake if I had to blame anyone else.

Why can't you settle down like any other man?

Do some good in the world.

My dear father, I do nothing else.

Have you had a moment's boredom since I've been in the room?

No.

Your only trouble is you have the father-complex.

'He is my son and he hasn't done any of the things I want him to do'.

'For that reason I should kick him out'. Yes.

And if I thought it would give you any pleasure, I'd provoke you to do it.

But I know it wouldn't.

You would merely lay awake at night ..

Wondering if you'd done the wrong thing.

Until you fetched me back again.

So to save you from such an invidious position.

I've refrained from provoking you.

Yes.

And may I ask ..

What you would do if I did kick you out?

Hmm.

Any man with two pounds, a gold cigarette case ..

And a watch, father dear.

Could if he chose, conquer the world!

Yes .. why ..

Why don't you?

Well it would mean having to stay in one place too long.

And until the time comes ..

And I find myself in one place for all time.

I propose, either through your generosity.

Or my own wits, to move on and up.

Yes. Much against ..

Much against my inclination, I ..

I ..

Well I am bound to admit there is a good deal in what you say.

Why, of course there is. Yes. Hang it ..

There is.

Come now. All I've cost you in two years has been a house and some furniture.

I haven't cheated at cards.

I haven't wrecked another man's home.

I've just had a bit of fun. Which, were I in your place ..

Yes?

I shouldn't mind paying for.

If anybody had told me a minute ago.

That I should be giving you a hundred pounds.

Before you left this room.

I should have bet them a thousand they were wrong.

There.

There you are.

Take it and go to blazes.

And let me see a lot of you before you go.

I feel this is taking advantage of you. No, you're wrong.

I don't know why it is, but I ..

You're worth a hug.

I like giving it to you.

You may be sure the money will be well spent, father.

Well spent indeed. Ha-ha. Yes.

Oh, by the way.

One good turn.

Deserving another.

Back 'Laguna' for the Derby. Why?

Because I like you.

Laguna.

Well.

Bang goes that hundred pounds.

What happened?

He gave me a lecture. You know, his number one special.

And a hundred.

Oh and I've been a good girl all my life and he never gave me a penny.

I will though.

A tenner out of this goes on Laguna for you and a tenner for you.

Why, I wouldn't dream of ..

Now, now. Come on, we're going to the Derby.

But I can't. Arthur asked me to go and I refused.

She can't go, Willy. Really she can't.

Her fianc�e will be there and he'd be furious if she went without him.

I've no use for a fianc�e who goes without her.

If he sees her there'll be big trouble. They won't see her. Come on in.

We're going to the other side of the course.

Among the gypsies, the tramps and all the real people.

But Willy.

Do shut up, Susan. It sounds great fun and I'm going.

Very well. But don't blame me if there is a row.

Susan, behave.

Mr Willy.

Mr Willy.

What about George?

Blunt, will you look after him?

And.

Take good care of him.

He is going to be a father.

Please.

Here you are ladies and gentlemen. 11-4 Dialite.

Isn't this fun.

Why, I adore merry-go-rounds.

So do I.

I've been on one all my life.

Again!

The best women sh*t in England.

Prizes? I'll take that one.

Where do we go now?

Lunch. And watch the race from the top of the hill.

Come on.

There you are.

I say, you're a couple of mean beasts leaving me alone all this time.

Oh darling, I'm terribly sorry.

Honestly, I've had such a marvellous time I entirely forgot everything.

Oh, I have enjoyed myself.

And I'm awfully grateful to you.

Don't be absurd. Through you, I've had a grand day.

Tell me, do you always have this much fun in life?

I'm the richest man in the world.

I laugh at myself and everything else sixty times a minute.

If you want to back that horse, give me the money. I'll put it on for you.

Oh .. angel.

I've had my lunch.

There is fifty pounds for Willy.

Ten for you and ten for Miss Hope on Laguna.

I shan't take it if it wins.

Madness. Laguna hasn't a chance.

I don't agree. I'm in luck today.

I'll toss you for the last sausage roll.

Heads I win, tails you lose.

Tails. Bad luck.

I couldn't eat a thing.

Are you sure? Because I cheated. Positive.

There is father in the box.

And Paul.

Oh, how bored they all look.

Paul? That's your fianc�e, isn't it? Yes.

Can I have a look? Certainly.

And they call that 'enjoying life'.

Well perhaps they're right. Oh, I see ..

Is Paul the fellow on the left?

Yes.

He's good looking.

He is, rather.

You know, when I leave you tonight, I'll pop in to the first church I come to.

What for? To pray for your happiness.

Why that is charming of you. Not at all.

I've only known you a few minutes but you go down in my diary as a grand girl.

And I've only known you a couple of minutes, but I think you're a grand boy.

A pity Dorothy doesn't care for racing, isn't it Paul.

It is, rather.

I tried to persuade her to come but she preferred to see the cricket at Lords.

What a crowd there is on the other side of the course.

One must be grateful one isn't there. I should say so.

How is it that Dorothy is not with him today?

If she had her way she wouldn't be with him at all.

Father wants a Grand Duke in the family.

I got you 50-1. Oh good.

Let's see now. How much have I won?

Fifty times fifty.

Twenty-five hundred. Not so bad.

You haven't won yet.

The bookmaker said it was a shame to take your money.

I shan't think the same when I take his.

They're off.

Do either of you like these glasses? No, you keep them.

Come on, tell us what's happening.

Oh, my poor old fellow is a long way behind.

Oh how sad. He's holding his own though.

He's doing more than hold his own.

My word, what a jockey!

He's pipped.

Believe it or not, he's fourth.

He's abreast of the third.

Oh bless him, he's a grand fellow!

He's third .. he's second.

He's better than second.

It's neck and neck.

He's either first or second. I can't bear it.

Take the glasses and tell me what the numbers are. Quickly.

Eleven, nine .. He's won!

Hurray!!

Oh I must kiss somebody ..

Susan, my beloved.

Willy, you're marvellous.

Oh, how right I was to come home. And you get 500 in the morning.

No.

Let it be a great lesson to both of you. Whenever in trouble, come to Willy.

Well I'm certainly chuffed.

Help me pack this luncheon basket.

Nonsense. Hey, you.

Yes?

Will you do something for me? Yes.

Would you keep an eye on that luncheon box until I come to the Derby next year?

Huh?

In case you get bored, have a drink.

Thank you, sir.

Come on.

Ah, Dorothy.

Oh hello.

Did you .. enjoy the cricket?

Oh, I didn't go.

Oh really. Just ..

Stayed at home?

No, I went to the Derby.

Oh, not your side of the course.

The other.

With whom did you go?

With Susan and her brother.

Having refused to go with me, you went with that man?

What do you mean by 'that man'?

Dorothy.

What were you doing in that car with that fellow Hale this afternoon?

She was coming back from the Derby with him.

You went with him and refused to go with Paul?

It was purely accidental.

I hope you will avoid a similar accident.

I disapprove of him. But he's charming.

I don't wish you to know him.

You don't?

Well I like him enormously.

And I think I ought to tell you.

I've had a card sent to him for our party tonight.

To Hale? You've asked him here?

You had no right to do this, Dorothy.

I am much inclined to send him a note cancelling it.

Well let me tell you. If you do, I shan't be here.

Have you lost your senses?

I mean it. How dare you suggest such a thing.

A perfectly charming man .. Dorothy, please.

Oh, leave me alone.

Mr Hale on the telephone, Miss.

Hello Willy?

Mary .. Yes.

How are you, darling?

Everything alright at home?

Good.

I rang you up about tonight.

How about supper?

No, no. Come to the apartment.

Oh, about midnight.

I'll be waiting.

So long, darling.

My word, you're a good dancer.

One has to be to dance with you, Willy.

I say, am I so very bad?

Awful, but I like it.

I wish to tell you you're a very thoughtless young woman.

Why?

You might have waited until I'd gone away again before you got engaged.

Why?

Because we can't go to any more races.

No more swings.

It's very thoughtless of you.

There is always Liverpool though.

That's funny.

I know all about her.

I even know who she is. Well, well, well.

Does she like swings?

I haven't asked her but I don't think she would.

You must teach her to like them. You can't teach people to like swings.

Either you like them or you don't.

I adore them.

So do I.

And do you know why? Tell me.

We're tramps.

Willy, I believe you're right.

Willy is always right.

Shall we ..?

I tell you she's infatuated with the fellow.

Nonsense. She's only trying to make you jealous.

There! There they go into the garden together.

Dorothy should be thinking of our other guests.

You had better go and fetch her.

When are you going away again? Oh, I never know.

That's the fun. Perhaps tomorrow. Perhaps a year.

Where are you going this time?

Well I think I'm going to get my father to buy me a sheep farm in New Zealand.

Why?

I don't sleep very well and I can count the sheep going through the gates.

What a fool you are.

By Jove.

What is it?

I wonder what sheep do when they can't sleep.

Dorothy.

I have been looking for you everywhere.

I do think your behaviour is a little strange.

Believe me it is entirely my fault. I am terribly sorry. I apologise.

I wasn't talking to you.

Paul.

I'm sorry.

I say, something has happened.

Did you see her face?

A lover's tiff old friend.

If I thought that Dorothy had got that Russian's number.

I'd drink her father's champagne until you had to carry me home.

I'm very sorry Dorothy, but ..

You will apologize to Mr Hale.

That cad? Nothing would induce me.

How dare you call a man that you don't even know.

Everyone who knows him says he is.

Besides, what man but a cad would have taken you from the ballroom?

Making me look the greatest fool imaginable.

It was I who made you look the fool. I took him from the ballroom.

You took ..?

Do you like him? Enormously.

He has .. he made love to you?

He has the distinction of being one of the few men I've ever known who hasn't.

In any case, I must insist on your never speaking to him again.

Are you serious? Yes.

I must ask you from tonight, not to know him.

Really?

As I propose to know all the people like him I can.

You will find responsibility of me too great.

Dorothy, you don't mean this.

I've never meant anything more. My dear, you are angry now.

Later on, you will think different. Please don't do anything so stupid.

You know your father will announce our engagement almost at once.

You'll look a fool if he does. But ..

So I should .. Dorothy.

You'll look less of a fool if you say I've fainted and gone to bed.

But ..

And to make it even more convincing, I suggest a doctor be sent for at once.

Dorothy!

What's the matter with him?

It looks more like an att*ck of indigestion than a fianc�e.

Something sensational has happened. I'm sure of it.

Perhaps Mrs Hope slipped on a piece of their linoleum.

Dorothy.

Dorothy dear, it's your mother.

Dorothy, I want you to come downstairs.

Have you been making love to Dorothy?

Don't be silly darling. I only met the girl this morning.

She likes you a lot.

I wish you'd take her away from that fellow, Willy.

Well even if I could and I can't, I wouldn't.

Why not?

Well, she's ..

Too nice for one thing.

And too rich for another.

I say Susan, would you mind if I left you here?

Where are you going?

Places.

Not Liverpool I trust?

Yes, and I've only just time. So long, darling.

Nothing will induce her to come down.

What .. what can we do?

Well, we'll tell everyone she's over-tired and has fainted.

I should have kicked the fellow out.

I've a much more effective way of dealing with that gentleman.

Come.

Leave it to me.

I'll undertake that Dorothy will be much more reasonable in the morning.

Willy .. what on earth is the matter with you?

Sorry, darling. Nothing, nothing.

Darling, you are hundreds of miles away.

I .. I've got a headache.

I'm sorry.

Why didn't you tell me? It's alright now.

Not fed up with me, are you?

Why of course not.

Well.

You might say it with a little more enthusiasm, Willy dear.

Don't be silly darling. Have a sweet.

Thank you.

I have one. And I adore him.

I'd sh**t anyone who tried to take you from me, Willy.

Are you a good sh*t?

Ah ..

[ Door knocks ]

Susan.

Sorry Susan .. I came to borrow your nail scissors.

Did you find them? Yes.

How clever of you.

They are in the next room. Oh.

I do wish you wouldn't throw my photographs about.

Pretty, isn't she. Yes.

And thanks to you, free.

I had nothing to do with it. Hadn't you?

Certainly not.

Well, she adores you. Pah .. bish.

Ah, here you are.

A messenger just brought this letter for you.

Thank you. It's from Hope.

Dorothy's father?

Yes.

What does that old jumped up linoleum maker want with you?

He says he wants to see me at two o'clock this afternoon.

A matter of the utmost importance. Congratulations.

What do you mean?

Don't stand any nonsense from that old bully.

If he tries to be stingy with you ..

Put him in his place.

Do you know what you're talking about?

Hark at the blaggard's innocence.

You played your cards marvellously.

You are one of the worst characters I've ever met.

I'll put you over my knee and spank you if you talk to me like that you smug ..

Susan.

Now I know why I am a bad man.

Mr William Hale.

Mr Hope.

Take a seat, Mr Hale.

Thank you.

As men of the world, you would like me to come straight to the point.

Straight.

You have I understand, since your return to England ..

Been seeing quite a lot of my daughter.

Sufficient to be able to offer you my sincere congratulations.

It may be coincidence.

But since knowing you, my daughter has broken off her engagement ..

To a young man for whom I have the highest regard.

How tragic it is that children so seldom do what their parents want them to.

My father has the most awful trouble with me.

So I am told.

I thought you had been.

So I accuse you of being the cause of that engagement being broken.

My dear sir, you're wrong.

It was the other man who was the cause. Whom?

The fellow she was engaged to.

She was in love with him until you arrived.

The desire to please a father and mother can hardly be described as love.

Oh, so you put that idea in her head?

I ..?

What business is it of mine?

Because she's a rich girl and you want to marry her yourself.

Ah.

The men of the world reach the point. Yes.

By no word have I suggested that she can dislike the man you chose for her ..

Or like me.

You are much too subtle.

Mr Hope, I trust your linoleum is better than your manners.

How dare you speak to me like that! Why?

Are you ashamed of our linoleum?

You .. who have failed in everything you've ever touched.

And in every country in the world.

Who has been given chances again and again.

But who in the end have nothing to your credit ..

But a reputation as a gambler.

With other people's money. That's true. That's terribly true.

Why, you've never done an honest day's work in your life.

Even your own father describes you as a curse since the day you were born.

Did the old villain say that about me? He did.

I'll give him the devil for that when I get home.

So, let us conclude the conversation.

Good.

If my daughter marries you or any man like you.

Not a single penny of my money will she ever receive.

Do you mean that? I swear it, Mr Hale.

Nothing would persuade you to alter your mind?

Nothing. I swear it.

This information alters your point of view on marriage considerably.

Doesn't it, Mr Hale? Yes.

I can't quite tell you how considerably.

It may even mean my going abroad again at once.

I should if I were you.

Yes.

Where is Miss Dorothy?

Miss Dorothy is on the terrace, sir.

Would you take me to her? This way, sir.

Willy .. what are you doing here?

I've come to say I've only �1,500 in the world. Through wicked horse racing.

What do you mean? And I've been a bad boy all my life.

Have you been drinking?

And if I should leave this world tonight.

My epitaph should be ..

He endeavoured to leave this world a far worse place ..

Than it was before he came into it.

What's the matter? And if I had a daughter like you ..

And I felt a man like me wanted to marry her ..

I'd be as angry as your father and I'd see he never had a penny of my money.

Willy .. what is the matter with you?

Don't be a fool, darling. Can't you see I'm proposing marriage to you?

But what a curious .. Should you be minded to accept me.

Your father will cut you off without a penny.

And when the �1,500 is gone ..

It may mean you will be starving in the gutter.

I should adore it.

And I accept you with all the risks that go with it.

Do you love me? Love you?

I've been squinting ever since I met you.

So have I. Hmm.

Oh, I am so happy, I've a good mind to ..

What?

To go and give a �1,000 to a hospital.

You dare?

But seriously, Dorothy.

After all you've been used to, it's an awful risk.

None.

I believe in you.

Angel.

I won't fail you.

But before you finally accept I think you should hear the story of my life.

Oh, father has told it to me so often.

Your father has only told you the bits he knows.

There are lots of bits that have never come out.

And I think you ought to hear them. No.

Yes.

What about Liverpool?

What?

Did you love her?

I liked her terribly.

But you'll never see her again?

Only to say goodbye to her.

I don't want you to.

You must .. write to her.

But that would be mean. She's been so terribly nice to me.

I don't care. You are not to see her again.

Well, let's ..

Very well, if ..

If you like her so much ..

You .. you don't understand.

Whether I do or not doesn't matter.

I've been jealous of her.

I've hated her ever since I've known you.

Oh, if you really love me.

You'll never see her again.

Very well. You swear it?

Yes .. but .. Do you swear it or not?

I swear it. Cross your heart?

That's alright.

Of course it would be generous of you if ..

You crossed your heart.

Mr Hale .. I thought you had gone.

I stayed behind to ask your daughter ..

If she had any objection to my being your son-in-law.

And I haven't any.

It's in your power to make Dorothy an attractive wedding present, Mr Hope.

Being?

Being: your presence at her wedding.

Oh ring me up later, Willy.

Oh be nice, please. You little fool.

Do you suggest there could be any happiness for you if you marry this man?

I know there will be.

Of all the men in the world I don't know.

I should like you to be the first to congratulate me.

Think of his reputation.

In a year you'll be sharing him with heaven knows how many other women.

Oh, you don't know him. Know him?

Do you suppose he really believes that I would cut you off without a penny?

Perhaps you like him so much you would enjoy sharing him with Mary Crayle.

He's given me his word never to see her again.

And you believe him? Absolutely.

And if he does see her again, will that convince you that I am right?

Then, I should never speak to him again.

Very well.

George old fellow, concentrate.

Have you ever had to tell a lady who likes you very much ..

And has always been terribly nice to you that you are never seeing her again?

You have?

How did you do it?

You wrote to her?

Yes, I suppose that's the best way.

My dearest Mary.

Well, there's nothing very final about 'dearest', is there.

Mary 'darling'.

Huh?

Too affectionate?

My dear Mary.

No .. of course it won't do.

Don't sit there looking like an idiot.

Can't you help me start the infernal thing?

Is the Burke Detective Agency?

I am Mr Hope speaking.

I wish you to send me at once the best man you have in the service.

Yes .. private work.

At once.

Thank you.

How about 'my dear'?

I know, don't put anything at all.

Just start in without any 'darlings', 'dearests' or ..

Huh?

You're right. It's too crude.

What's that?

Telephone to her?

That's a good idea.

Mayfair 2163.

I don't know why the devil I didn't think of this way myself.

Hello .. hello, Mary?

How are you?

What's that? Supper tonight?

I'm terribly sorry. I'm afraid I can't.

No. I'm not going anywhere.

When I say I'm not going anywhere, I mean I promised ..

To stay in with my father.

Hmm?

No, no, no. He does not go to bed at eleven.

Mary, I want to tell you something.

What's that?

She says all she wants to hear is that I adore her.

Well how can I say I don't over a telephone?

Who is a coward?

Hello, hello?

Mary, they cut us off.

Listen, Mary darling. Really ..

I shouldn't have called her darling.

Well here goes.

Hello. Mary.

Mary, I ..

I want to tell you something.

I ..

I want to tell you.

That I'll have to ..

Ring you up again later. My father has just sent for me.

Yes, I know I am.

But you try and tell a girl as nice as Mary Crayle ..

That you don't like her anymore and see how you like it.

Well George, what do we do now, eh?

Go and see her?

No. I'm not allowed to.

Meet her accidentally and tell her on the street?

That's not a bad idea.

No-one could say a word against that, surely?

That's playing the game, isn't it?

Goodnight, Jeremy. Goodnight, Miss.

Mary.

Willy dear! What a divine surprising. Jump in my car.

No Mary, I can't. I've got to tell you something.

How solemn you are.

Don't be a fool. Jump in.

I can't Mary. It's no good. I can't go.

My dear, you can't keep me hanging about streets.

But Mary ..

Will you please get in! No.

Yes!

Home.

The Hope's house. 17 Berkeley Square.

As fast as you can go. Alright, sir.

Sit down.

Willy.

You've frightened me.

What is it you wanted to say to me?

I've come to say goodbye.

Don't be absurd.

Father, do you want me? Yes, dear. Come in.

Wait for me in the hall.

Yes, sir.

Dorothy, you told me if Mr Hale ever spoke to that girl again ..

That would be the end as far as you are concerned.

Yes.

Why do you ask me this? He is with her now.

Why, I don't believe you.

Nothing would make me believe you.

Then ring up her house.

Mayfair 2163 and ask to speak to him.

I simply don't believe you.

Are you frightened to? No.

Listen.

If he is not there.

I will consent to your marriage. That is fair, isn't it?

Mayfair 2163.

So you like someone else?

Terribly.

Willy.

And you are going to marry her?

Yes.

You mean, I shan't see you again?

This is the last time.

Mary, I am terribly sorry, but it is so much better to be frank.

I can't cheat you.

I couldn't even let someone else tell you, hating telling you as I do.

[ Telephone ]

Answer that, please.

Hello?

Yes. Who is it?

Dorothy?

Dorothy!

So that is over too.

It's funny how little time everything lasts in my life.

Even being engaged to be married.

Cheer up, Willy.

There is nothing one can't recover from.

Goodnight, Mary.

Why wouldn't you listen to me when I told you what sort of a man he was?

I .. I couldn't believe it.

Don't take it too seriously, my dear.

In a little while, you won't.

Will you do something for me?

Why, anything in the world.

Will you put five thousand pounds into my bank?

Why, of course.

I'll attend to it first thing in the morning.

Thank you.

May I ask what you want it for?

Compared to what I might have had to pay.

My experience will cost me .. very little.

Tell her it's a matter of the ..

Of the utmost importance, will you.

Dorothy.

My dear, please. I .. Won't you sit down?

I know you must be angry, disappointed, but ..

Go on.

For heaven's sake don't look at me as if I were trying to sell you a gramophone.

I'm in no hurry. I ..

I suppose in time you'll tell me why you're here.

Don't you realise the bad luck of it. I only went to ..

To see that woman. Having promised me you wouldn't.

Will you believe me if I tell you why? I know.

Why did I go? Because you're in love with her.

Why not have the courage to ask for money instead of cheating for it.

But you don't seriously imagine that ..

I wanted your money, do you?

What else did you want?

What's this for?

I believe one should pay for experience.

For an expert, I admit you are being very underpaid.

Did you ..

Did you treat the Grand Duke Paul as generously?

I'd have insulted him by even offering it to him.

I see.

Five thousand pounds.

Well, it's not very much of course, but ..

But times are hard for all of us.

So one must be grateful I suppose.

Thank you. Goodbye.

One thousand.

Two, three.

Four, five.

Five thousand pounds, sir.

Thank you.

Whiskey and soda. Yes, sir.

Hello young Hale.

Glad to see you. Hello.

Do you want a thousand pounds?

I should think I did.

Why, what's the idea? Go on. Pick the one you like best.

Why .. what's the matter with you?

Can you suggest a charity, a vulgar one preferably, that will be glad of them?

Did you steal them?

They are burning me.

Go on, name any charity you like. They'll have them in five minutes.

I know a friend of yours who will be glad of them.

Oh, who?

The Grand Duke Paul.

His creditors, believing he was going to marry Dorothy, kept quiet.

Now that you've knocked him out, they are playing the devil with him.

I'm told the poor devil hasn't even the money for a meal.

Forever, I am your friend.

Thank you. Would you send a messenger at once.

Yes, sir.

What are you doing tonight?

Nothing.

Good. Let's dine together and talk about life.

Yes.

Yes.

Alright.

Dorothy, your friend Hale cashed your cheque at ten o'clock this morning.

Why .. it's unbelievable.

The bank confirmed it.

And Miss Mary Crayle the famous actress ..

Left for the south of France ..

By the first boat-train.

Do you mean ..?

I mean obviously he's gone with her and you are paying all the expenses.

I never believed you, apart from anyone else, could be so incredibly stupid.

I sympathise.

A bitter lesson for you, my dear.

But in time, you'll be grateful for it.

[ Door knocks ]

Come in.

Miss Dorothy.

Why it is from Paul. I wonder what he wants.

You read it.

I'm tired.

"Dearest Dorothy."

"Your charming thought I will forever treasure."

"Your sympathetic understanding of my difficulties has touched me very much."

"Through your kindness in sending me the five thousand pounds."

"I'm able to leave for home via Paris tonight."

"Will you believe I shall never forget your kindness. Ever gratefully. Paul."

Oh, let me see it.

"Your kindness in sending me five thousand pounds."

Why, what does it mean?

Mean?

Why it means that your villain Hale ..

Cashed my cheque, put the notes in an envelope ..

And sent them to Paul from me.

And Paul took them?

What a glorious idea!

Oh. This is the most terrible disillusionment I have ever known.

Oh, I sympathise.

A bitter lesson for you, father dear.

But in time, you'll be grateful for it.

Oh.

You don't really believe Willy has gone to Paris with her, do you?

I'll never believe in anything again if he hasn't.

[ Door knocks]

Come in.

Yes?

The man from the Detective Agency is here, sir.

Oh. Show him in.

This way, please.

Well?

Mr Hale left his house early this morning.

He went straight to a bank, sir.

From there, he went to his club.

And from there to a shipping office. A shipping office?

Yes. Where he booked two tickets for New Zealand.

Two!

Two?

One for a dog.

Oh.

Well I won't need you anymore. See my secretary.

Thank you, sir.

Paul is a crook.

Mary Crayle has gone to Paris.

Willy Hale is going to New Zealand.

What are you going to do?

Grovel.

Crawl about him on my hands and knees until he promises to take me with him.

And if he refuses?

Then you will have to do something about it.

He doesn't like me.

I tell you you're a liar.

I say you've had a row with her.

I have not.

Well, what do you want to go to New Zealand for?

Because if I ever want to go to Australia, I'll be near.

Well don't .. don't look to me for any more money.

If you make a mess of it for the eleventh time.

I'm going to be such a good boy, you'll hate me.

Ha! You, a good boy?

Well I do think as father is getting old .. and he does want ..

Not so much of the 'old'.

And he doesn't want you to go. You might be nice and stay in England.

No.

Well then, go to the devil.

I'm bored with going so often.

Oh.

Hello everybody. Well, Dorothy.

Hello Willy.

You are just the very girl I wanted to see.

This fellow.

This fellow says he's going to New Zealand.

Oh really?

Father darling, I want to show you the housekeeping book.

I don't want to see housekeeping books.

Father.

I hate the sight of them.

Oh yes, very well ..

Excuse me. My coat.

Oh.

Thank you.

May I ask what you are doing here?

Why .. I've come to tell you that ..

That I have forgiven you for the way you have behaved to me.

You?

You have forgiven me?

Yes.

Don't you think it sweet of me?

Well, I shall explode in a minute.

And leave that dog alone. I'm sorry.

You accuse me of the foulest thing in the world.

You insult me by giving me �5,000. And then say that you have forgiven me.

I am almost laughing I'm so angry.

Well, what was I to think?

You promised me, you crossed your heart you would never see her again.

Oh Willy, how could you.

How? You ..

Supposing I ever married you and a girl came along and said 'Willy' ..

'Let's run away'. And I say 'right you are, just pop over and tell Dorothy'.

And you say 'no'. The first you knew of it was when you read it in the papers.

Is that likely to happen if I married you?

Yes. It is.

Well.

What a caddish thing to say to a girl you are only engaged to.

I'm not.

And what do you mean by walking into a man's bedroom without knocking?

I thought perhaps, coming events cast their shadow.

Well they don't.

And please leave me. I'm very busy packing.

What are you going to do when you get to New Zealand, Willy?

Marry.

Notting would induce father to let me go with you under those conditions.

Aha. That's funny. I had no intention of asking you.

Oh, he's so old-fashioned.

He'll insist upon our being married before we start.

You don't seriously imagine ..

That after the way you insulted me, that I'd marry you, do you?

You'd be an awful fool if you didn't. Why?

I'm pretty.

Very companionable.

And in every way suited to be a poor man's wife.

Kiss me, Willy.

Nothing would induce me to.

How much longer are you going on with this strong man business?

For years and years and years!

Will you kiss me at once.

Let me alone. I'll not be bullied. After the way you've behaved ..

Oh shut up about the way I've behaved.

Think of some of the things you've done in your life.

Besides, I was hurt.

Jealous and miserable.

And if you ever do anything like that again.

I'll hit you over the head with a bottle.

You wouldn't. I would.

Why, I've been looking for a girl like you for the last ten years.

Ha-ha-ha ..

May I ask what you are laughing at?

Dorothy's father is downstairs.

He doesn't want you to go to New Zealand.

He wants to lend you the money to buy a farm in England.

Ha-ha-ha.

May l ask what there is to laugh at in that?

Nothing.

Nothing, only ..

Only next time you go broke.

It will be his furniture you're selling.

And not mine. Ha-ha-ha.

Dorothy.

Don't you pay any attention to that wicked old man.

I won't.