07x08 - Small Sacrifices

[bunniefuu]

[The scene opens on a sparsely wooded hillside. A man (Ramon) comes into view. He is walking slowly, stumbling and grunting as he struggles to drag a large wooden cross behind him. Four other men accompany him as they cross a downed wire fence. Ramon mutters in Spanish]

[They reach their destination on a barren hillside, and Ramon puts the cross on the ground. One of the other men (Marcus) pulls a heavy rope out of his backpack and begins to tie Ramon’s wrists and ankles to the cross. Ramon continues to mutter in Spanish (praying?) as Marcus prepares to hammer a metal spike through Ramon’s left hand]

[Ramon cries out in pain and arches his back as the spike is driven through his palm. Marcus goes to the other side of the cross and drives a spike through Ramon’s right hand also, then the four men lift the cross into an upright position and anchor it with some large rocks. The four men stand back and look up at Ramon on the cross. Ramon looks almost triumphant, until he starts coughing up a lot of blood]

Marcus: Abajo! Get him down!

[The four men run up to the cross]

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene opens on House walking in the front door of the hospital. Cuddy comes out of the clinic and meets him at the front desk. House picks up his messages and Cuddy (ignoring his comment) lays a patient file on the counter is front of him]

House: What you got against chickens? One got choked last night, thanks to you.

Cuddy: 33-year-old male with hemoptysis, fever…

House: Can't we even talk about it?

[House puts his messages in his breast pocket while Cuddy opens the patient file in front of him]

Cuddy: You can't apologize, we can't talk. And puncture wounds.

House: I'm not apologizing for doing the right thing.

Cuddy: Lying to me was not the right thing. Puncture wounds are from a crucifixion.

[House, looking interested now, picks up the file]

House: I lied to save my patient's life. I didn't lie to you. I lied to my boss. Either of those arguments working yet? (Cuddy turns and walks back toward the clinic) I guess that means I don't have to go to the wedding on Saturday.

[House is now walking toward the elevator. Cuddy stops, and pursues him, catching up to him at the elevator doors]

Cuddy: The Hospital's Chairman of the Board? I'm not gonna stand him up, and neither are you.
House: I loathe weddings and their seven levels of hypocrisy. But you do seem awfully hissy. And there's an outside chance hat I could get you drunk and score. So as long as you don't take it as an admission of guilt, sure, count me in. (The elevator arrives and the doors open) A bit too much honesty?

Cuddy: (as House gets into the elevator) You're also going to the rehearsal dinner Friday night. Dressy casual.

[Cuddy walks away and the elevator doors close on House]

[Cut to House knocking on a hospital room door with his cane. He slides open the door and enters the room of the new patient, Ramon. Masters and Chase follow him into the room. Ramon’s daughter Marisa is sitting beside his bed]

House: Housekeeping. Either you're crazy or you're atoning for something naughty, and you're crazy.

Masters: (sitting down on a stool beside the bed) He's a doctor.

[House boosts himself up and sits on a countertop]

Ramon: I'm not atoning for anything.

House: That answers that. Thanks.

Ramon: (looking at his daughter) My Marisa was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Stage IV glioblastoma. When the doctors said she had two months to live, that's when I made my bargain.

House: With your health insurance carrier?

Ramon: (looking at House) With God.

House: Oh.

Ramon: I told him I would nail myself to a cross every year he kept her alive.

House: So how did that negotiation go? You lowballed with ear piercing and God countered?

[Masters, who is preparing to draw some blood from Ramon, smiles briefly at this comment]

Ramon: Three weeks later, she was cancer-free. And that was four years ago.

House: Pontius Pilate — misunderstood oncologist.

Ramon: My ex-wife thinks I'm crazy too. She moved out the first time I did this.

House: Well, at least your daughter has one viable role model.

Marisa: You don't believe in God?

House: I did. Then I grew my curly hairs.

Marisa: So how do you think I was cured?

House: Maybe you were misdiagnosed in the first place.

Ramon: You have your answer, doctors. We have ours.

House: Causal determinism. We are hardwired to need answers. (House gets down off the table and approaches the bed) The cave man who heard a rustle in the bushes checked out to see what it was lived longer than the guy who assumed it was just a breeze. The problem is, when we don't find a logical answer, we settle for a stupid one. Ritual is what happens when we run out of rational.

Chase: If you're done mocking him, we need to prep for an LP.

House: Good. Another hole in him should really make God's day.

[Cut to Wilson entering his office. House is sitting behind Wilson’s desk. He has his feet on the desk and is reading a file]

House: Why are you late? Your next dental appointment isn't till January, and you just saw your GP eight days ago. (House puts the file on the desk and scratches his chest) You think stage IV glioblastoma in an eight-year-old could disappear in three weeks?

[Wilson hangs up his suit coat and takes his medical coat off of the coat tree]

Wilson: I had a flat tire. Your patient has cancer?

House: Your tires got less than 5,000 miles on them. No, and neither does my patient's daughter.

Wilson: I hit a piece of rebar near a construction site.

[Holding his medical coat, Wilson sits down in front of his own desk]

Wilson: In three weeks? It's highly unlikely.

House: There's no construction site between here and your home. I agree. I think it was a misdiagnosed cyst.

[House takes his feet off the desk and leans forward, looking at Wilson suspiciously]

Wilson: But there is one between here and my dry cleaner. It could be a misdiagnosis, or it could be spontaneous remission. But… why would I lie about this?

House: I don't know yet. But you would have dropped off your tie. It's got a mustard stain.

[Wilson looks down at his tie, and realizing that he has been caught out, reaches into his pants pocket, pulls out a small box and tosses it to House]

Wilson: I was buying an engagement ring. (smiling) I'm gonna propose to Sam at the wedding.

House: (looking at the ring) That is the second stupidest thing I've heard today. And I'm surprised how close you came. (House closes the box and tosses it back to Wilson) You don't need to buy her a new ring. Isn't the first one good for all you can marry?

Wilson: I assume you haven't apologized to Cuddy yet. Your stupidity demands equal time.

House: Nothing to apologize for.

Wilson: (pausing for a split second) Pretend to apologize.

House: You want me to lie?

Wilson: There's a lovely symmetry to it. The lie got you into it. A lie gets you out of it.

House: Everybody lies. I'm sure Cuddy…

[House stops, a revelatory look on his face. Wilson looks at him questioningly]

House: (getting up and hurrying out the door) Just need to give her a chance.

Wilson: Yeah, that must have been what I meant.

[Cut to the entire team working in the lab]

Foreman: Have you seen the bride-to-be?

Chase: Gorgeous woman half his age. He's a lucky guy.

Foreman: (chuckling) Yeah, for a while.

Masters: My father's 19 years older than my mother, and they've been happily married for 32 years.

Foreman: I'm guessing your dad wasn't on the Forbes 400 and your mom didn't look like a swimsuit model. Sorry. That didn't come out right.

Masters: My father was the classics chair at Columbia, and my mother was his student. His gorgeous student.
Taub: What's it mean when somebody takes their cell phone into the bathroom when they're taking a shower?

Foreman: It means they don't want you to check their calls, emails, or texts.

Chase: If we're talking about your wife, it means the chickens are coming home to roost.

[Masters looks up, confused]

Chase: (to Masters) Taub has been known to dabble. (he looks back at Taub) Used to be.

Masters: Maybe it's just a habit. I do that with my cell phone, and I live alone.

Taub: She has a meeting today at 1:30. At a hotel.

Master: I'm gonna go with the chicken thing. Negative for Toxocara, Bacteroides, Ascaris, everything.

Chase: So what looks like an infection but doesn't test like one?

Taub: Animals.

Chase: I'm sure your wife's just seeing a dude.

Taub: Patient works for Morgan Timber Works. Card's in the file. Specializing in stables, barns, and stalls. He works around animals. Rhodococcus Equi.

Chase: Unless this guy's sleeping in the manger…

Taub: Or has a history of open wounds. (Taub hurries out of the lab. Chase follows him)

[Cut to Taub and Chase entering Ramon’s room]

Taub: We think you have Rhodococcus Equi, a horse infection. It's pretty rare in humans, but easily treatable with antibiotics.

Ramon: Does it make your teeth fall out?

Chase: No.

[Ramon holds up a tooth]

Chase: (looking inside Ramon’s mouth) Then again, maybe we were wrong.

[Cut to House walking down a corridor with the team. He is carrying a garment bag over his shoulder]

House: Fever, coughing up blood, coughing up teeth. So either God sweetened the deal with a "no flossing" clause or…

Taub: Radiation sickness.

Chase: Yeah, maybe the carpenter builds microwave ovens.

Masters: Kaposi's sarcoma?

Foreman: No skin lesions.

Chase: Heavy metal poisoning fits. Canned tuna, sushi, lead paint.

House: Heavy metal it is. Do a home search and a peripheral smear.

Taub: (stopping) I can't. I have a personal errand to run.

House: He stops and turns to Taub) Trying to catch your wife cheating?

Taub: Oh… Why would you say that?

House: Missing mojo. Posture's slumped. Expression defeated. Didn't try to back up
your theory. And Chase told me. Go. Find your mojo.

[House turns toward his office, Taub leaves, and the others head off to do the home search and the peripheral smear]

[Cut to House talking to Cuddy at a nursing station. He is dressed in a conservative suit with a sweater vest and tie]

House: Shopkeeper. I need a patient file.

Cuddy: Ask records.

House: Not one of our patients. My patient's daughter.

Cuddy: Ask your patient.

House: He thinks I only want it to debunk his faith.

Cuddy: And why would he think that?

[Cuddy takes a file across to the other side of the nurses station. House walks around to that side of the desk]

House: Because he's strangely perceptive for an idiot.

Cuddy: And I'm going to violate patient privacy laws just to keep you happy?

House: You keep me happy, I return the favor. Think of it as tat for tit.

Cuddy: When we're at work, we need to focus on our work thoughts. (she finally notices his clothing choice) Why are you wearing that?

House: It's my dressy casual. What do you think?

Cuddy: You look like Wilson. It looks weird. Well, you knew I'd think that. Which makes me wonder why you look disappointed.

House: If you prick me, do I not bleed?

Cuddy: You knew I wouldn't like it, but you thought I would say I did. That's what this is about. You're trying to trap me into lying to you.

House: You sure? 'Cause that sounds so juvenile. (Cuddy leaves)

[Cut to Chase and Masters at Ramon’s apartment door. Chase is on his knees trying to pick the lock]

Chase: You're okay with burglary now?

Masters: I asked his permission. The reason we don't ask permission is we're afraid the patient is going to hide something, but our patient hasn't been home, lives alone. He doesn't have any help, and he has no motive to hide anything.

Chase: Did you ask for his key too?

Masters: Oh, doesn't have one.

[She laughs and opens the unlocked door. They walk into Ramon’s very spare apartment]

Chase: And now we know why. You think he's crazy?

[Chase heads to the kitchen and opens the refrigerator, which is almost empty]

Masters: Crucifixion's pretty convincing evidence. Lead paint?

Chase: The place is too new. He believes in a higher power that can affect his life. Like most people on the planet.

[Chase continues to search the kitchen, while Masters concentrates on the living room]

Masters: True. On the other hand, crucified himself.

Chase: (examining some shelf contents) No canned tuna. And I don't think we have to worry about sushi.

Masters: No computer. No television. No music. What does he do?

Chase: (leafing through a book he has found on the counter) He reads. Prayer's been proven to aid recovery.
Masters: Only if the person knows they're being prayed for. Means there's no objective effect.

[Masters finds a decorative wooded box containing the spikes Ramon used in the crucifixtion]

Chase: So faith comes from within. Not exactly a newsflash.

[Chase picks a single empty can out of the kitchen trash and Masters picks up a photo of Ramon and Marisa. In the photograph Ramon appears to weigh more than he does now]

Masters: I guess worry is good for the waistline.

[Chase comes over to take a closer look at the photo]

Chase: It's not worry. It's starvation. His tooth didn't fall out because of heavy metal poisoning. It fell out because of malnutrition.

Masters: He does have Rhodococcus Equi.

Chase: Taub was right. He just didn't know why.

[Cut to House approaching Wilson’s office door. He reaches to open it, but finds it locked. He jiggles the doorknob a few times, then calls to Wilson through the door]

House: It's locked.

Wilson: (from inside his office) I'm busy!

House: I'll wait.

[A drawer shuts inside the office, then Wilson flings open the door]

Wilson: I really am busy.

[House ignores Wilson and pushed past him into the office]

House: Cuddy got me the daughter's file. Well, not Cuddy exactly. Her signature. Well, not exactly her signature.

Wilson: Another lie?

House: Thought you could take a look at it for me.

Wilson: Maybe you hadn't heard. I'm kind of busy.

House: With what?

Wilson: Sudoku. What do you think? I'm the head of oncology at a major hospital.

[House walks around the desk and pulls open the top file drawer]

House: And yet these files are not from this hospital. These are from where-my-fiancee-works memorial.

Wilson: Sam's boss is doing a clinical review of all of her files, and she just wanted to make sure everything was in order before he starts on Monday.

House: Which explains why Sam is too busy to look at my file.

Wilson: If I don't help her, she can't go to the wedding and… We fell in love at her cousin's wedding, which is why I want to propose to her at a wedding. And now you have 60 seconds to berate me for that and for helping my girlfriend with her homework.

House: You don't want to propose at a wedding. Emotions running high, people on edge. You ought to try somewhere like a Buddhist temple or an aquarium. Or a Buddhist aquarium. That only took ten seconds. You can spend the rest of the time on my file.

[Cut to Taub at his home. He enters the bedroom, looking for his wife]

Taub: Rachel?

[Seeing her laptop on the nightstand, he puts it on the bed and opens the lid. His phone rings and he answers it]

Taub: (answering his phone) Hey. How long before you're home?

Rachel: (walking into the room as she talks to Taub on her phone) Not long.

[They both hang up their phones]

Taub: Uh, hey. Hey. Uh, you left your laptop on.

[Rachel puts down her packages and sitting in a chair, unzips her boots]

Rachel: Saw you today. At the hotel. Were you checking up on me?

Taub: Yes.

Rachel: Satisfied?

Taub: Yes.

Rachel: Good.

[Rachel takes her boots to the closet]

Taub: That's it?

Rachel: You said you're satisfied. It's enough.

Taub: You're not wondering why it started. That makes me think you don't want
to talk about this, which makes me think…

Rachel: You're being paranoid.

Taub: You took your cell phone with you into the bathroom when you took your shower this morning.

Rachel: I made a new friend. Online. In a support group.

Taub: A guy?

Rachel: Yes.

Taub: A support group for what?

Rachel: For people with unfaithful spouses.

[Cut to Masters talking to Ramon, who is finishing up a meal]

Masters: Why didn't you tell us you were starving yourself?

Ramon: Well, I wasn't trying to. I'm on a tight budget, and it seemed like an okay diet.

Masters: Well, you seem to be felling better.

Ramon: (with a smile on his face) Not really. My legs are k*lling me.

[She pushes the table aside and pulls down the blankets to look at his legs]

Masters: How bad is the pain? On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst.

Ramon: (smiling) 9 1/2.

Masters: Then why are you smiling?

Ramon: I'm not smiling.

[Cut to House and the team in Ramon’s room. House is sitting on the side of the bed staring at Ramon intently]

Foreman: Leg pain and Pseudobulbar Affect. He's feeling one emotion while unknowingly expressing another one.

House: Classic Neurohecatia. Two days of anticholinergics, you'll be walking out of here.

Ramon: Really?

House: No. I just made that up to see your reaction. Diagnostic test. This is awesome. 33-year-old carpenter presenting with narcissism, delusions of grandeur,
hallucinations.

Taub: He hasn't had hallucinations.

House: I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about "him" with a capital "o-m-g."

Chase: You want us to do a differential diagnosis on Jesus?

Masters: Hears voices, thinks he's the son of God. Probably Schizophrenic.

House: I think you offended him.

Taub: You're saying the patient's religious extremism could be a symptom.

Foreman: A neuro disorder could explain all his delusions.

House: Get an MRI of his brain. Let's see if we can find God.

[Cut to House approaching Cuddy at the main desk as she picks up her messages]

Cuddy: Heard you got the daughter's file. Patient change his mind?

[House follows Cuddy as she heads for her office]

House: I forged your signature.

Cuddy: Thank you for your honesty.

House: Think of it as a present. See, somebody is about to turn the big 4-5 in several months, and somebody else wants to make a very big deal of it.

Cuddy: (stopping in front of her office door) 4-3.

[She enters her office. House is right behind her]

House: 4-3. Are you sure?

Cuddy: Very.

House: How could I make such a mistake? In reading your HR file? Oh, no, wait, I didn't. And (loudly) boom goes the dynamite. Scores are tied. We are even-steven.

Cuddy: You're right. I did lie. To HR. Not to you. When I first applied for the VP Admin job, I was 29 years old. I knew I would be taken more seriously if I were
in my early 30s, so I added two years to my age.

House: You lied to make yourself older? Are you lying about being a woman?

Cuddy: Even if you can trap me, you think I'll suddenly embrace the value of lying?
House: My point is you already have. I just need to prove it.

[Cut to Chase, Masters, and Taub in the MRI control room]

Taub: Chickens aren't roosting. She's just got a friend. A guy she met in an online support group for cheating spouses.

Chase: I've heard of that group. It's called irony.

Taub: You think she's cheating on her spouse with someone from a cheating spouse support group?

Chase: Sounds like the perfect place to hit on vulnerable women.

Masters: Look. (Chase freezes the monitor screen) Multiple dense lesions.

Chase: It looks like M.S.

Masters: How did we miss M.S.?

Chase: It was hiding behind the malnutrition. M.S. att*cks the immune system. No system, no symptoms.

Taub: And now we're feeding him, so they're both back.

[Cut to House hanging an IV bag for Ramon]

House: How are you feeling?

Ramon: (grinning) Terrible.

House: Obviously. Where are your friends? Still casting lots for your clothes?

Ramon: All I ask is that they pray for me.

House: Always sacrificing. Very inspirational. The lesions are in your temporal lobes. When those areas get messed with, people have strange experiences — like hauntings, alien abductions, past lives.

Ramon: Deals with God? You didn't come to see if I was better. You came to see if your medicine has turned me into an atheist.

House: I'd settle for agnostic.

Ramon: Faith is not a disease.

House: No, of course not. On the other hand, it is communicable, and it kills a lot of people.

[Ramon coughs and House pours a cup of water and holds it out to Ramon]

Ramon: (smiling) I can't move my arm.

[House puts down the water and runs a pen along Ramon’s forearm]

House: You feel that?

[Ramon, still smiling, shakes his head “no”]

House: Your friends are not praying hard enough.

[Cut to the diagnostics conference room. House is standing on a stool, wearing a tuxedo shirt and pants, as a tailor moves around him, measuring]

Chase: It's not M.S.

Foreman: Paralysis is a symptom of M.S. So are leg pain and pseudobulbar affect.

Chase: He's getting worse on the prednisone. It's not M.S.

Taub: The MRI was clear. He has lesions.

Masters: Could be an AVM, cerebral infarction.

[House steps down off the stool]

House: Let's put it to the vote. (holding one in each hand) Vest or cummerbund?

Masters: Cummerbund.

[House accepts her judgement and begins to put on the cummerbund]

House: You know me. I can't say no to any of you guys. You're all correct. He has M.S. But not the friendly Mr. Rogers M.S. This is the weird guy in the panel van kind.

Masters: Marburg M.S.?

House: What did I just say?

Masters: He'll be dead in two to three days at the most.

House: That's unless we can get someone to nail themselves to a cross as soon as possible. Or, stem cell treatment.

[The tailor helps House on with the suitcoat]

Taub: That's an experimental treatment.

Foreman: That's had promising results with demyelinating diseases. It's our best sh*t.

Chase: It would be if it wasn't embryonic stem cell treatment. Our patient's right of the pope. He's never gonna consent to that.

House: I know that, and you know that. He doesn't know that. But now she knows that, he's gonna know that. Way to go.

[House steps back up onto the stool so the tailor can check the length of the pants]

House: Confirm Marburg. Then see if he's a fair-weather flagellator.

[Cut to Wilson’s office. House is again sitting behind the desk with his feet up. He is wearing the tux, complete with bowtie, and examining files as Wilson enters]

House: (imitating Sean Connery) You look smashing, Miss Moneypenny.

Wilson: (Responding in character as Miss Moneypenny) Cummerbund? Very foolish, Mr. Bond.

Wilson: The daughter's case checks out. Stereotactic biopsy confirmed stage IV Glioblastoma Multiforme. Doesn't respond to chemo, but they gave it to her anyway as a hail Mary and just got lucky.

House: So either God intervened, which is a lazy explanation, or we just don't know why. Which is no explanation.

Wilson: Sometimes there is no explanation. And I'm just fine with that.

House: Which annoys me to no end.

Wilson: I need that file, that chair, and that desk.

[House gets up from behind the desk so that Wilson can use his desk]

House: Your woman is fudging the facts. Five of those cases, the stated doses don't explain the radiation damage.

Wilson: Sensitivities vary.

House: Not that much.

Wilson: (nodding) Yeah. That's what I thought. (He pauses, sighs, and sits down in his chair) I asked her point blank about this. She said the dosages were accurate and that she had done nothing wrong.

House: 'Cause morally she didn't. All five patients were terminal. She exceeded the dosing protocols to try to save their life. You would have done the same. She's a sap,
and she's perfect for you. (House leaves the office)

[Cut to Cuddy’s office. House is sitting in an easy chair, reading a magazine, and waiting for Cuddy to finish getting ready to go to the rehearsal dinner. He is wearing a dark sport coat, tan pants, a sky blue shirt, red tie, and athletic shoes (his real dressy casual)]

House: I hate rehearsal dinners almost as much as I hate weddings.

[Cuddy comes out of the bathroom wearing a sexy red dress. She leans over her desk to put some items in a drawer, stretching the fabric of the dress tightly across her derriere. House pauses his rant to admire the view]

House: The only reason anyone gets married is that h*m* erectus females needed protection from predators while breastfeeding. The only reason these two are getting married is to throw an obnoxious gala and make the rest of us feel unworthy.

[Cuddy picks up her purse and some mail from the desk and walks over to where House is sitting. She lifts up her hair as House stands to zip up her dress]

House: Even though we know in two years their lawyers are gonna be fighting over the Bentleys.

Cuddy: (letting her hair fall) That'll make a lovely toast.

[Cuddy grabs her coat from the stand and they leave the office, Cuddy preceding House]

House: She's got looks. He's got money. One of them is bound to run out.

[Cuddy holds her purse and the mail behind her, handing them to House so that she can put on her coat]

Cuddy: I give it 19 months.

House: That's very specific.

[The stop at the front desk, where Cuddy puts the mail in an outbox and retrieves her purse from House]

Cuddy: No fault divorce in New Jersey requires couples to live at least 18 months apart. I'm actually only giving it a few weeks.

House: Oh. Thought I was supposed to be the dark one.

Cuddy: Not today.

[As they head for the front doors of the hospital, House’s cell phone rings]

House: (into the phone) Yeah.

[House listens for a minute, then closes and pockets the phone]

House: (to Cuddy) You're gonna have to go stag. My patient is refusing treatment.

Cuddy: And you care?

House: No. But it's an excuse you can't argue with.

[House turns back into the hospital as Cuddy leaves for the rehearsal dinner]

[Cut to Ramon’s hospital room. Masters stands at the foot of the bed. House sits on a stool against the wall as he tries to persuade Ramon to accept treatment]

Ramon: Accepting this treatment is an insult to God. I can't expect him to keep our deal.

House: You already broke it. Your blood test showed you were loaded with ibuprofen.

Ramon: Taking painkillers breaks my deal?

House: The point is to suffer like your savior did, right? Well, he didn't take myrrh, the Tylenol of ancient Rome. And his nails went through his wrists, not through his palms. Palms are for sissies. And what about the 39 lashes and the beatings and the crown of thorns? What you go through is closer to a bad manicure than a crucifixion.

Ramon: It's not about showing God my pain. It's about showing him my faith. If he asks me to die for my daughter, I'll do it gladly.

House: Don't make this about your daughter. (House rolls the stool closer to the bed) You're just worried that if we find a cure, that it'll cost you your faith. And then you'll be like the rest of us.

Ramon: Alone and afraid? You're right. I don't want that.

Masters: You're smiling. Does that mean that you're comfortable with your choice? Or that you're afraid? Because this may be your only hope.

Ramon: You can prescribe a lot of things, but hope isn't one of 'em.

House: Sticking by your convictions and damning the consequences. You two have a lot in common. You're both idiots.

[House picks up his cane and walks out of the room. Masters looks at Ramon for a second and then runs to catch up with House]

Masters: All conviction's equally ridiculous?

House: Just when they're applied indiscriminately to all circumstances.

Masters: He needs to see his daughter.

House: He needs to see Inherit the Wind.

Masters: And tell her he's dying because God doesn't want him to take his medicine.

[House stops and turns to look at her]

Masters: Honesty's not all bad.

House: (nodding) Get her in here.

[Cut to Marisa sitting by her Father’s bed]

Marisa: You don't have to die, not if you take their medicine.

Ramon: (smiling) The treatment violates God's laws. He doesn't want me to take it.

Marisa: But God doesn't want you to die. He doesn't want anyone to die. He's all about love.

Ramon: I know this is coming from your mother.

Marisa: This is coming from me. I'm the one who almost d*ed. I know what it's like. And you're my daddy. You can't die.

Ramon: I wish I didn't have to.

Marisa: You don't have to, daddy. Just take the medicine. You always tell me to take the medicine. Please. (She is pleading)

Ramon: One day, you're going to understand.

Marisa: No, I'm not. I am never going to understand that. If God could do this, I hate God.

[Cut to the wedding reception where VV Brown’s Shark in the Water is playing. People are dancing and drinking. There is a quick sh*t of the PPTH chairman of the board and his new bride dancing]

♫ sometimes I get my head ♫

♫ in a dilly ♫

♫ feeling so lost ♫

♫ ticking you off ♫

[Cut to Foreman drinking alone at the bar. Chase approaches]

Chase: I just spotted a couple of hot girls by the chocolate fountain.

Foreman: Weren't you just upstairs with…

Chase: And it wouldn't have happened if not for you, buddy. Someone had to distract the sober friend.

Foreman: I'm not here to be your wingman.

Chase: I'll be your wingman this time.

Foreman: I didn't come here to get laid.

Chase: Then don't. Talking to beautiful women isn't nearly as much fun as watching Taub not talking to his wife.

[Cut to Taub and Rachel on the dance floor. Rachel is dancing, Taub is moving around, but not really dancing]

Taub: I went through your emails.

Rachel: There's nothing in there that's inappropriate. We're friends, Chris.

Taub: But you tell him things that you've never told me.

Rachel: I tell him things I can't tell you. That's the point.

Taub: Not things about me. About you. About your new job. About coloring your hair. About how you felt when your mother d*ed. I want to know those things.

Rachel: He's easy to talk to. (She stops dancing) He's open and honest. He makes me feel safe.

Taub: Sounds like you love him.

Rachel: I am not having an affair. He lives in Oregon. I've never met him. I probably never will.

Taub: You are having an affair. An emotional one.

Rachel: Are you equating what I'm doing with what you did?

Taub: I've done terrible things to you, and I deserve all of this and more, but you can't pretend that what you're doing isn't hurtful.

[Rachel leaves the dance floor and the camera pans over the crowd to find House and Cuddy dancing also. House is wearing his tux and Cuddy is wearing a gorgeous, strapless, turquoise dress]

House: Someone looks lovely tonight.

Cuddy: Thank you.

House: I meant me. Someone else looks simply stunning. That was you. And the blonde at the bar.

Cuddy: Just to be clear, this whole little act isn't gonna work. I need an apology. Not flattery.

House: It's not an act. It's the wedding.

Cuddy: You hate weddings.

House: I thought I did. Then I realized I've never been to one.

Cuddy: Never?

House: Turns out they're kind of fun.

[Cut to Chase and Foreman hanging around the chocolate fountain with two girls]

Chase: Well, I can't complain about my boss. He's right here.

Nika: (to Foreman) You're his boss?

Foreman: Um…

Chase: Only Mondays through Fridays. (putting his arm around Foreman’s shoulder) On the weekends he’s my bro.

[Nika gulps down the rest of her drink. She is clearly tipsy]

Foreman: (to the girls) This round’s on the bro? (He leaves to get another round of drinks)

[Cut to Ramon’s room at PPTH where on Masters is left to care for their patient]

Masters: Um. I'm sorry about your daughter. I never meant to hurt her.

Ramon: You just thought she would change my mind.

Masters: I was surprised she didn't.

Ramon: So was I. I didn't tell you the truth. When I said I'm not afraid to die.

Masters: But you're going straight to heaven, so…

Ramon: That's what I believe, but I'm human.

Masters: So you know you may be wrong. How could you do what you just did?

Ramon: That's why we have beliefs. So we can still see the right thing to do when we're blinded with doubt and fear. Our beliefs define us. If we lose them, who are we?

[Cut to Rachel sitting by herself away from the dance floor. Taub approaches]

Taub: Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to go that way.

Rachel: You think I'm being selfish, but I'm not. He makes me feel better about me and about us.

Taub: Well, that is hard to believe, because all I feel right now is, is betrayed.

Rachel: I never wanted that.

Taub: Good. Because just like you asked me to stop my behavior, I'm asking you to stop this.

[Rachel shakes her head]

Taub: No?

Rachel: I'm not gonna lie to you.

Taub: Is this revenge?

Rachel: I don't know. But I do know that it's something I need right now. (Taub turns and leaves her)

[Cut to House and Cuddy. They are no longer dancing themselves, but are watching the newly married couple on the dance floor]

House: What would you wear?

Cuddy: Well, I'm a sucker for the white gown.

House: Traditionally for young, first-time brides.

Cuddy: Well, I may not be young, but I'll be first-time. (She refills her glass at a champagne fountain)

House: That is a lie. (she looks at him in disbelief) You were married before. 1987 for six days. (Cuddy looks at him questioningly) Your knowledge of New Jersey divorce law made me suspicious, so I looked it up.

Cuddy: So this was all your trap?

House: Uhh, a trap's primitive. I prefer inveiglement. Anyway, the point is, I lied to you, you lied to me, I forgive you.

Cuddy: Well played. (She puts down her glass and walks away from him)

[Cut to Wilson and Sam, also at the reception, but sitting on the sidelines. Sam is stroking Wilson’s face]

Sam: You're tired, aren't you? All those files?

Wilson: No. No, I was thinking… I mean, if those two even have the slightest chance
of making it, then we have to be a sure thing. And we've already made all our mistakes. And…

[Wilson gets up, pushes aside his chair and kneels down in front of Sam]

Wilson: I've come to realize that I love you even more than I thought I did. (Wilson opens the ring box) Sam, will you marry me again?

[Sam laughs and then kisses him]

Sam: Wow. I don't even know what to say.

Wilson: I have a suggestion.

Sam: Where did this even come from? When did you… You just came to realize what made you love me even more?
Wilson: Everything you've done. Your work. Your… your sense of morality. The five cases. I not only agree with what you did. I admire it.

Sam: I didn't do anything. You already asked me about the files. And I told you the truth.

Wilson: I know. And I get it.

Sam: You don't believe me.

Wilson: I believe that you are a wonderful person.

Sam: Who lies and cheats.

Wilson: No, Sam, I’m… Listen, I'm on your side.

Sam: I can't believe this. (She leaves)

Wilson: What? Sam. Sam, don't do this…

[The music switches to the upbeat Love Rollercoaster by the Ohio Players]

♫ Rollercoaster ♫

♫ Rollercoaster ♫

♫ of love ♫

♫ Rollercoaster ♫

♫ Your love is like a roller coaster ♫

♫ baby baby ♫

[Cut back to Foreman, who has returned to the chocolate fountain with drinks only to spot Chase leaving the reception with both girls. He pours both drinks into the same glass and chugs the whole thing in one gulp]

[Cut to sometime near the end of the reception. There is no more music and wait staff are clearing tables. House, Taub, Foreman, and Wilson stand leaning on a long table]

House: (talking about Chase) So how many do you think?

Foreman: At least three.

House: Hat trick, Chase. (He picks up a glass of champagne from the table and takes a sip) See? The life of the bachelor. All of the sex, none of the guilt.

Taub: It's not over, okay? I just really miscalculated. I thought she'd forgiven me
for everything. All those hurt feelings, they never really went away.

House: That makes a lot more sense.

Wilson: Ignore him. He just got an idea.

House: (grabbing his jacket and cane and leaving them) I have one more test to run.

Foreman: Ugh. I hate weddings.

[Cut to House entering Ramon’s room]

House: It won't be long now. You'll be staring down the yawning void before you know it.

Ramon: You came from a wedding to tell me that?

House: Nope. I came from a wedding to run a PET scan.

[House pulls a stool up to the side of the bed and sits]

Ramon: I thought you'd given up on me.

House: I have. PET scan was for your daughter. I was wrong about her. She did have glioblastoma. And she still does. The cancer never went away.

Ramon: Yes, it did. They tested her every year. With a CT scan.

House: Which misses all the tiny, little tumors that a PET scan doesn't.

Ramon: You've made a mistake. She does not have cancer anymore.

House: I ran it twice. No mistake. Looks like God broke your deal. I'm sorry. But I'm also right.

[House starts to leave when Ramon speaks again]

Ramon: You're a bastard. Do whatever you want to me.

House: Good call.

[Cut to Taub and Foreman in the MRI control room. Chase enters and sits down in front of a monitor]

Foreman: Surprised you've got enough strength to come to work today.

Chase: 36 hours is long enough for me to recover. And not nearly long enough for this guy to be getting better.

Taub: House wanted us checking every 12 hours anyway.

Chase: (to Foreman) Sorry I took off on you.

Foreman: Twice?

Chase: First one was my bad. Second one, I had no choice. It was a threesome.

Taub: They're overrated.

[Chase and Foreman look at one another]

Chase and Foreman: He's bluffing.

[beep beep]

Taub: Get House.

[Cut to House showing a PET scan film to Ramon. Masters in also present]

House: Got something to show you. Your daughter's PET scan. It's clean. She's fine. My bad. Got her mixed up with Marion Silver. Marisa Silva. That's believable, right? Anyhow, good news for you, bad news for Mr. Silver.

Ramon: You tricked me. God didn't break our deal. I did. You led me into temptation. And I followed.

House: And God will punish you for that.

Ramon: He has to.

House: Cause if he didn't, well, that would make you wonder, wouldn't it?

Ramon: He will.

House: Well, that's why I'm so confused by this. (He holds up a MRI scan film) This is your MRI. Shows incremental improvement. You're getting better. I double-checked the name on this one. But it's not all good news. This patient is screwed. (He holds up a third film) Technical term is dead as a doornail.

Ramon: Who is that?

House: God. You broke your deal with him, your daughter's fine, you're getting better. Nothing bad happened. Which can only mean one thing. There is no God. Of course, if your daughter gets hit by a meteorite today, I would have some serious egg on my face.

[Ramon laughs]

House: You're smiling. I assume that means you're miserable.

Ramon: It means I'm happy. It doesn't mean God doesn't exist. It just means he's-he's truly merciful. My beautiful Marisa was right. God is all about love.

House: Punishment is proof of God, and no punishment is proof of God? Ingenious argument.

Ramon: Faith isn't an argument. I'd like to see my daughter.

[House grabs his cane and leaves the room. Masters gathers up all the radiology scans and follows him out into the hallway]

Masters: (moving quickly to catch up to House) Everyone else knew?

House: Everyone I could trust. So yes.

Masters: If you had told me, he'd be dead by now. So why do I still want to tell the truth?

House: Either you're naïve or you have scruples. I'm not sure which is worse.

Masters: This is insane. We can't work like this.

[Masters stops and House walks on, leaving her behind]

House: I can.

[Cut to Wilson’s apartment. He has just found Sam in the bedroom, packing]
Wilson: Sam?

Sam: Sorry. I was hoping to be done before you got home.

Wilson: We had a fight. We had one fight. And I admitted I was wrong. We can talk about it. We can get over it.

Sam: This is about trust.

Wilson: I never lied to you about anything.

Sam: I know. And I always trusted you.

Wilson: I… Maybe we could talk to a counselor. You said that helped after our divorce.

Sam: It did. And I think I changed a lot.

Wilson: And I haven't? This is my fault?

Sam: I know where this is going. And I don't want to go there again.

Wilson: You're quitting, Sam. You're quitting, again. So I guess you haven't changed that much.

[Sam closes her suitcase, zips it up, and setting it on the floor, moves toward the bedroom door. She and Wilson stand looking at one another for a long second, then she walks out of the room, and presumably, out of the apartment]

[Cut to Cuddy sitting behind her desk at PPTH. There is a creak as the door opens]

Cuddy: (to House, who has entered the office) Good work today. I don't even think your patient's gonna sue. It looks like everybody's happy.

[House sits in a chair in front of the desk and sighs]

House: I've been an idiot. I got this argument stuck in my head. If everybody lies, then trust is not only unfounded and pointless, it's fictional. But trust is not an argument that can be won or lost. Maybe I just have to suspend my cynicism and believe. Maybe it's time I took a leap of faith. (pause) I'm sorry. I won't lie to you again.

Cuddy: Thank you.

[Cut to House’s apartment. There is a knock on the door. House opens the door to Wilson, who enters and plops down onto the couch]

Wilson: Sam left me.

House: What a moron.

Wilson: Too soon. I'm still in love with her.

House: I meant you.

Wilson: Do you have a drink? Or drinks?

House: Cuddy's coming over.

Wilson: (looking up at House) Does she know you're here?

House: I apologized to her.

Wilson: (standing up and looking at House) Good for you.

[Wilson goes to the front door and prepares to leave]

House: Not really. I lied. (He turns to face Wilson) I just took your advice. Too bad you didn't.

Wilson: Good for you.

[Wilson leaves]

THE END