11x07 - I Look Like A f*cking d*ck!!

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Trailer Park Boys". Aired: April 2001 to present.*
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Ricky and Julian are two guys whose lives were shaped by their experiences growing up in the Trailer Park. Their childhood was typical of most trailer park kids: stealing, fighting, smoking, drinking, scamming and listening to Van Halen.
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11x07 - I Look Like A f*cking d*ck!!

Post by bunniefuu »

Bubbles: Julian, we need to tell him the f*cking truth!

We can't.

Not yet.

Well, the more attached he becomes and the comfortable he becomes around Lahey, the more pissed off he's going to be when he finds out we knew and we didn't f*cking tell him!

Look, man, I'm not buying this.

Think about it.

Why would it take Lahey so long to f*cking tell him something like that, huh?

I don't know, but...

whether he's really Ricky's father or not, he honestly f*cking believes that he is.

He believes it!

Do you think this is a coincidence?

Lahey broke up with Randy, then gained Ricky's trust.

Now, all of a sudden, they're one big happy f*cking family?

Come on, man!

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe.

Nuh-uh.

No way.

Lahey's smart, Ricky's dumb, and Lahey knows that.

He's just f*cking tugging at his heart-strings, man.

Look how f*cking sincere he looks right now.

Look at him.

It's pretty f*cking brilliant, actually.

Oh, f*ck's sakes!

Now you're getting me all worked up, second-guessing myself!

Look, you've just got to calm down.

Lahey's smart, but I'm smarter.

We've just got to harvest all that weed, get it out of the rink by today.

That's all we've got to do.

Oh is that all?

f*ck!

That's easy!

Harvest a couple of hundred weed plants and move them to a new location undetected.

f*ck, I can do that by myself!

I'm being sarcastic!

(Theme music)

Julian: Hey, Ricky.

Did you guys hear something?

'Cause I know I f*cking didn't.

It's Julian talking, Ricky.

How long are you going to go without talking to me?

It's been a week.

We've nothing to talk about.

I don't talk to f*cking Arnold Swarzenanegger f*cking imperforators trying to f*cking ruin other people's families 'cause they're f*cking jealous!

Ricky!

Ricky, don't be like that.

Come on.

Rick...

You're absolutely right, man.

I am jealous.

I've never had a dad before and you've had two now.

It hurts, man.

Oh, so what?

You're just going to f*cking k*ll my new one?

It wasn't supposed to be crazy like that.

Jesus, man.

Think about it.

The bottle kids never f*cking hurt anybody like that before!

Bullshit!

Randy f*cking said they told him that you said to keep going until there was f*cking blood!

What?

I did not f*cking say that, Randy!

Those kids must be on chemicals or dr*gs or something, man.

(Sighing)

Look, Jim...

(Sighing)

I'm sorry.

You know, I know we've had our differences in the past.

I just want you to know that...

I accept you as Ricky's father.

And I don't mean to be jealous but I am.

I've always looked up to you all my life, man.

It's just tough.

It's awful big of you to say so, Julian.

It means a lot to me.

And I know I can't undo everything that's happened in the past, and...

I don't know...

anything about fathers and sons and...

you know, 'cause I've never had one before.

But I know, from what I've heard, they go golfing together, so...

I got you guys these passes.

Wow...

And here, you guys can use the Caddy.

I topped it up with gas.

Well, I couldn't go today.

I got to look at the plants and they're probably ready for harvest.

Ricky, we can forget about it.

It's just one day, man.

What's important here is that you guys have some catching up to do.

All right?

Huh!

I'm sorry, man.

You really mean that, Julian?

Of course I do, man.

You guys are my f*cking brothers.

Thanks, Julian.

You're a good f*cking guy.

You've earnt my expect again.

(Whistling)

You okay, Bubs?

What are you doing?

(Laughing)

R2D2 trying to get in on the love.

Get in here, man.

I love you guys.

I don't want to be fighting, man.

Golf, huh?

It can't be that hard.

(Bird squawking)

Lahey: Great to have you back, Ran.

I'm really looking forward to moving past all this and just being one big happy family with everyone.

Well, not everyone.

What do you mean?

Well, not Julian.

Randy...

that was a really sincere apology, bud.

You didn't actually fall for that sh*t?

After everything he's done to you?

I know, Randy, but...

let's not forget all the horrible things I did to Julian.

To all of them, for that matter.

It's not like he tried to blow me up with dynamite.

I'm not letting this go, if that's what you think.

Randy!

You're never going to be a cop.

It's not about that.

It's about standing up and taking Julian down for everything he's ever done to you.

Randy, you're going to drive yourself crazy.

I'm telling you, bud!

He's sending you golfing for a reason.

Think about it.

Don't waste your life chasing Julian around like I did, Randy!

I can't believe you're falling for his sh*t!

This is what he always does!

People change, Randy.

Look at me!

I'm living proof!

Randy: I'm taking the frigging car!

(Chuckle)

(Door slamming)

Hey, T, listen up, man.

What's up, man?

There's been a change of plans.

We've got to harvest today.

I'm going to need all hands on deck, boys.

Today?

Yeah, like, right now.

I can't see it, man.

I got a two-hour corporate gig booked in the T Box, plus phones gotta get fixed.

I got cards that need to be programmed.

sh*t's too tight.

It's impossible.

It's impossible.

Impossible.

I'll give you a half a pound of weed.

Done!

Roc-Pile, let's roll!

Mr.

Green, hold sh*t down here, man.

Hold it down.

What happened to impossible?

sh*t, a half a pound of weed will move mountains.

You know what it is.

All right, see you down at the rink, man.

Cory, Jacob, round up as many people from the park as you can, meet us down at the f*cking rink.

Okay, Julian.

All right.

Let's go, man.

All right.

(Loud music playing)

Ricky: I'll tell you right now, there's no f*cking way I'm calling Randy "Mom" or "Mother" or "Dad Number Two".

f*ck that!

Don't worry, Ricky, that'll never be the case.

This game is so f*cked.

Why do we have to use golf club sticks?

I can't feel any one.

Rick...

Who knows.

Maybe you'll end up liking the game.

We can invite...

Ricky!

For f*ck's sake...

Sorry.

Maybe we'll, uh...

invite Jacob and Randy along, have a foursome.

Have a foursome?

Jacob and Randy?

Dad, no offence, but I only bang chicks.

No...

I'm not talk about a sex party, Ricky.

Foursome is a word you use when four people play golf.

Oh, okay.

Man: You're all set, guys.

The clubs will be on the cart.

Here's your key, and the locker rooms are down to the right.

Perfect.

Locker rooms?

Why?

Well, I assume you're going to change out of those.

Well you f*cking assume wrong.

Are you going to change?

What you're wearing is way more f*cked than what I'm wearing!

You look like a f*cking candy cane tarantula slut!

Rick...

Sir, there are rules.

I can't allow you on the course dressed like that.

Really.

Okay, I get it.

Well, I can't allow you to f*ck off and lick my balls unless I ask you to f*ck off and lick my balls.

So...

Can you f*ck off and lick my balls?

Can you f*cking do that?

Sir, that's not in my job description.

Well, f*cking put it in your job description, you little d*ck.

Rick...

Hey, I'll take care of it.

Hm.

Lahey: Ricky!

What a d*ck...

Lahey: Come on, bud!

Julian: All right, doing a great job.

Less fluffing, more cutting.

Ma'am, you're not cutting hair, you're cutting weed.

Doesn't have to look pretty.

Julian, I'm sorry.

We're just not strong enough to cut these things.

We can cut the buds but you can't cut through these st*lks.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm sorry, ladies.

It is pretty tough.

Roc-Pile, you guys are going to have to double-time it on the st*lks.

They can't cut through it.

This is what you guys can do.

You're going to be the baggers, okay?

You're going to bag everything.

Thank you.

We'll try our best, Julian.

Thank you, ladies.

It's all I ask for.

Jacob.

Jacob, get the f*ck over here.

Do you think you guys could find some people that can actually cut through a f*cking weed plant?

Oh, that's not our fault, dude.

Everyone else was at work.

The oldies are the only one around during the daytime.

Yeah, exactly.

You guys are so f*cking stupid!

We got to pick up the pace here, man.

What, are you f*cking crazy?

You're going to thr*aten the oldies with a handgun?

I'm not going to thr*aten them.

Just going to wave it around a bit, maybe fire one off in the air, man.

Just get the adrenaline going.

Picking it up.

You're not getting their f*cking adrenaline going!

You get their adrenaline going and their f*cking hearts gonna explode!

They're old as the hills, Julian!

All right, okay.

Respect your f*cking...

Look at me.

What?

Respect your elders.

I do!

Okay?

All right, listen up, everybody.

I know everyone's working really hard but, if we're going to pull this off, you've got to pick up the f*cking pace for me.

Okay?

All right.

Thank you very much.

Put it away!

I put the safety...

(g*nsh*t)

(Screams)

Jesus Murphy!

Oh-h-h!

It's okay, everybody!

It's okay.

Remain calm.

That was just a very loud pellet g*n and it will not happen again.

Try to keep your heart rates down, please.

I was...

You're a f*cking assh*le!

I was just putting the safety on.

Oh yeah, just putting the safe...

Who are you, Cyrus now?

Aw jeez, don't you ever call me Cyrus.

Well, stop acting like him!

Well, start working then!

I am working!

What are you doing, walking around f*cking scaring people?

Getting bags.

I'm working.

What the f*ck are you doing, nothing.

I'm taking f*cking...

inventory.

Lahey: Bounced off that tree right there.

I thought the little f*cking idiot was right here.

I can't believe this costs 200 bucks!

I look like a...

(Screaming)

f*cking d*ck!

There's the little fuckface.

Get out the way then, you f*cking idiot.

Woah, woah, woah, woah!

Green's over this way.

This way?

Yeah.

Keep it low, under there.

(Thud)

f*ck off.

Just remember...

Look, stand...

trunk up...

Yeah.

Nice and easy.

Okay.

Just relax, just relax.

I'm relaxed.

I feel good, Dad.

(Exhales)

(Thuds)

Why are you such a stupid f*cking cocksucker!

Guys!

This is taking a real long time.

Can we play through?

Through?

What the f*ck kind of a game is through?

Right now I'm trying to play golf, so why don't you f*ck off 'cause I'm trying to concentrate!

You can play through when we're f*cking done with golf, dickhead!

(Engine stopping)

Great...

These are the gentlemen that used the passes right here, Chief.

Why am I not surprised?

Jim.

Rick.

You guys dating now?

Actually, George, Ricky's my son.

I never told him.

Really?

Wow.

Wish I'd known that one years ago.

What the f*ck do you want?

Well, Rick, the passes you guys used here today came from the glove compartment of my truck, which was stolen.

f*ck...

I told them to give me a call if anybody was ever dumb enough to use them, (Chuckling)

and here you are.

George, I didn't steal your f*cking truck.

George: Oh, I know you didn't.

Julian did.

But you are in possession of stolen property now, aren't you?

No, actually, I'm not.

I'm in possession of two golf passes I bought at the f*cking flea market.

So why don't you go down there and try to figure out who the f*ck sold them to me instead of standing here blowing f*cking super-d*ck sh*t-smoke up our f*cking asses?

George, you have no evidence.

You know it.

Shut the f*ck up, Jim.

I've got enough to drag you both down to the station and make you sit there all day in the heat until someone's ready to see you.

Come on, let's go.

My f*ck, you're a d*ck, George.

Actually you're more than a d*ck, you're f*cking king and lord of the f*cking dicks!

George, we're just trying to have a real nice quiet game of golf here.

Look...

What's it going to take for you to just walk away?

What have you got in your pockets?

Unbelievable.

As usual...

I've got $35.

Hm!

Sweet.

That's more than I paid for the tickets at the charity auction.

Good, you're happy?

Good.

Both of you, f*ck off, then!

Sir, I will let you finish the ninth hole, but you have to stop with the yelling and swearing.

I can do that.

Can I still do this, though, fuckhead?

This f*cking game can suck my cock!

Good one, Rick.

Julian: This is a g*dd*mn f*cking nightmare.

Oh, I know it is.

Do you think I don't know that?

Would you stop f*cking poking me with those things?

Why don't you try downsizing the pythons?

Why don't you f*ck off?

Bubbles: Oh, my God.

Um...

Hey, kids!

Um...

there's no hockey school today.

I guess somebody failed to mention that to you, did they?

Oh, man, you guys are harvesting without us.

Ricky said that was the funnest part.

Did he tell you how to do it?

Julian!

My God, you guys were helping Ricky with this?

We grew most of it.

Who do you think been feeding the f*cking things?

Yeah, dummy.

My God!

Okay, kids, I want you to get into groups of two, okay?

No f*cking way, Julian!

Bubs, what other choice do we have?

We have a choice!

And you better think hard about making it, too, because these are the kind of choices that reveal your true character, bud.

Bubs, things could get more and more complicated, okay?

When things get more complicated, there's greater and greater risks involved.

I swear to f*ck the more storybooks you read, the more f*cked in the head you sound!

You've got to remember why we're doing this!

You want to live on the ocean on that piece of land as a family?

Huh?

Do you?

Oh, you're going to try this again?

I know what you're doing.

Do you or don't you?

Yes.

All right, let's do this then.

Just wait.

We'll do it on one condition.

We'll do it on one condition.

You look into the camera, Julian, and you say that the kids had nothing to do with this.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

That's the only way it's happening.

Right, kids?

Kids: Do it, Julian!

Do it!

Do it!

All right, all right, all right!

I'll do it.

(Sighing)

Hi, I'm Julian.

And if you're watching this at the police station right now, I was busted.

I just want to make it very clear that if there was children or senior citizens involved as well, they weren't involved, okay?

Don't arrest them.

I manipulated everybody.

Okay, is that cool?

(Stage whisper)

At gunpoint.

At gunpoint.

It was all me and Ricky and...

Oh, and Jim Lahey and Randy, as well.

They were involved too.

Okay, are we good?

(Stage whisper)

And your best friend Bubbles had nothing to do with it.

(Sighing)

And my best friend in the world, Bubbles, had nothing to do with this entire thing.

He warned me not to do it, said it was stupid, I did it anyway, look what happened.

Okay, are we good now?

I believe that will suffice, yes.

All right, g*ng, ready to do this?

Kids: Yeah!

Okay, grab the clippers from the oldies and let's start hacking down some plants!

Let's go!

Kids: Yeah!

Woo!

Sweet Jesus, what have we done?

Man: This is bullshit.

Oh, look, dude.

I normally have someone here helping me and I am sorry, and...

We paid good money, we're not even f*cked up.

Are you guys f*cked up?

I'm not f*cked up.

Yo, man, I'm sorry.

I apologize for everything.

I would have smoked a joint at the office if I knew this was all it was going to be.

We thought we were going to get really f*cked up!

And I'm not f*cked up!

And they're not f*cked up!

I'm getting filmed and we're not f*cked up!

Yo, man, calm down.

Let me see what I can do for you guys.

All right?

Calm down.

Hold on.

(Remote phone ringing)

Yo, T.

Yeah, man, I can't hotbox this thing by myself.

Yeah, man, the clients are over here pissed off.

Tyrone: Stop being a p*ssy.

Put some muscle into it.

Tyrone: Get smoking and get down here.

The sh*t's ready to go.

What?

No...

For real?

A'ight, a'ight.

Just hold it down, man, hold it down.

What's going on?

Mr.

Green has everything f*cked.

He ain't coming.

No, no, no, no, no, no, you call him back, we need that f*cking bus right now, man!

Look, I can't do it, dawg.

That corporate gig is with a law firm.

b*tches is threatening to shut me down!

For f*ck's sakes, T!

Well, you're only getting paid a quarter pound of weed now, okay?

What?

The other quarter was for the f*cking bus, which I don't have!

F...

A'ight, a'ight.

I need to use your truck, buddy.

Oh, we're going to use my truck to haul weed all over f*cking town?

That's great!

Man: Hey, guys.

I'm looking for someone named Ricky.

Is that you?

There's no Ricky here, man.

Who the f*ck are you?

Oh...

my God, that's...

that's Nathan MacKinnon!

Kid: Holy f*ck!

Oh, my God!

(Hyperventilating)

Drafted first overall rookie of the year!

I'm having a meltdown, Julian!

Calm, calm the f*ck...

It's Nathan MacKinnon!

Please calm the f*ck down!

He's right there.

All right, you're the Nathan MacKinnon, the guy that plays f*cking professional hockey?

No, Julian.

I'm sh1tting in my underwear 'cause it's a f*cking impostor Nathan MacKinnon.

You actually showed up for Ricky's hockey school?

Right on, man.

Ah, no.

Look.

I found these all over town.

The other guys are pissed off that their names are on this too.

Where is this Ricky guy?

My lawyer needs to talk to him.

Look, man.

I'm the garbage man here, and I don't even know this f*cking Ricky guy, but...

now that you're here, man, I mean, the kids know you're here.

You're going to look like a f*cking d*ck if you don't hang out with them, right?

Well obviously I'm going to play hockey with the kids.

Kids: Yes-s-s.

All right.

Decent.

Can I play too?

No.

We'll just stick with the kids, bud.

Hey, guys, this isn't cool.

I know.

I agree.

Let's go play hockey, guys!

Kids: (Cheering)

You okay?

Yeah.

I'm just freaking out.

All right, is all the weed out of there?

It is.

Let's get the f*ck out of here.

Did I actually sh*t myself?

Nope.

Ricky: Well, this is the first time I've played.

You should be able to hit a few people without f*cking people getting pissed off.

Barmaid: Hey.

Hey.

What can I get for you?

Oh, two beers, please.

Whatever that is.

Beers?

Yeah.

The first beers with my son.

Something a father always looks forward to.

Barmaid: Are you guys members?

Here we go again!

Maybe we are, maybe we aren't.

What the f*ck's it to you?

Well, you get a discount on drinks.

Ooh, discounts!


f*cking weirdos.

Barmaid: I'll take that as a no.

Oh, Jesus.

Why does everybody here got a f*cking bottle of d*ck juice rammed up their ass?

Rick...

You know what?

When this deal's done, I might join this f*cking place.

Then we'll see what's up around here.

Rick.

When are you going to let all that go?

Mo's going to be awful unhappy if you're not around.

The deal's almost done.

Snoop's sending his main guy, Sammy Ogea.

That'll be it, it'll be over.

Snoop...

Is that the guy who spray-painted me last year?

(Chuckling)

Yeah, that was f*cked.

I'm going to make a lot of money, Dad.

Uh...

thank you.

Thank you.

Are you sure this is okay?

I mean, I don't want to be responsible for getting you back on the liquor...

Ah!

I don't have a problem with alcohol anymore, Ricky.

Honestly.

You know, I realized my drinking was filling a void.

Yeah, but Mo changed all that.

You know, it's easy quitting when you're not quitting for yourself, when you have someone to quit for.

You know, I already had one kid who won't talk to me because of liquor.

I don't need a great-grandson who won't.

To Mo, my guardian angel.

To Mo.

(Cellphone ringing)

(Sighing)

Yeah, Ran?

Randy, there could be anything in those garbage bags, including garbage.

Ran, I told you.

Leave Julian alone.

Listen, I've got to go now, okay?

Bye.

The f*ck's going on?

Ugh, Randy's on to Julian, whatever's happening down at the rink.

Look, I've been trying to tell him.

I said, "Randy, drop it." But I can't control him ever since he's been on that "Well, I want to be a cop" kick.

You know, Randy's only half as dumb as people think.

What the f*ck was he talking with garbage bags?

Oh, he saw Julian taking garbage bags out of the rink.

Oh my f*cking God!

Lahey: What?

That f*cking prick!

He's f*cking me!

We've got to go!

Future officer Randy here.

Suspects are now moving northbound.

Suspected contraband is being moved to a new location.

That's the suspects' truck right there.

(Sticks tapping)

(Impact)

f*ck you!

Oh my f*ck...

Oh my f*cking God!

What the f*ck is going on here?

Julian wouldn't take all my weed!

Kid: Him and Bubbles took it all.

You just missed them!

What?

Who the f*ck are you?

That's Nathan MacKinnon, you dumbass.

My God, you are so braindead sometimes, it's amazing.

Sorry, man, I didn't recognize you.

Is your name Ricky?

No!

No, I'm, uh...

Cory Trevorson.

This is my father Jacob.

Jacob Trevorson.

Nice to meet you.

What's this talk about weed?

Are you guys growing weed in here?

No!

No, we're growing some tulips and daisies for the big upcoming flower show...

Kids: Oh, come on!

Well, they got f*cked over by weeds and we were taking weeds...

It's just a lot of weed talk basically.

Great to meet you, you're awesome.

Keep it up, kids.

We'll see you soon, all right?

We've got to run.

Is this guy growing weed in here?

Kids: Yeah.

Big time.

Look, I can't be around this kind of thing and neither should you.

It's not like we were smoking it.

We were just growing it.

And harvesting it.

Nathan: If you guys do dr*gs, you can't do tricks like this.

(Slapshot)

Kids: Whoa-a-a-a...

Rick, there is probably a reasonable explanation.

So just try to stay calm.

Okay, son?

All right, Dad.

I'll f*cking try to.

(Car doors slamming)

Ricky: How's it going?

Julian: Hey, guys.

Ricky: How are my two best friends on such a beautiful f*cking day?

Doing good.

Where did you get the shirt?

Boys...

After all we've f*cking been through, how in the f*ck could you...

do this to me?

(Screaming)

Open up that container right now and give me back my f*cking weed!

You get rid of him and I'll f*cking explain everything to you, man.

My dad's not going anywhere.

Open the f*cking container now!

Ricky, just calm down.

Not happening.

Oh, not happening?

Really?

Not happening?

(g*n click)

Oh, it's f*cking happening, all right!

Open the container now.

You've got four seconds!

Oh come on, guys!

Three...

Do you really want to do this?

...two, one...

Is this how you want to do this?

Yeah!

I'm not going to stand here getting f*cking r*ped in the mouth, so f*cking open the container now!

Nobody's raping your mouth!

Boys, put your g*ns down!

Everybody, put your frigging g*ns down now!

I'm making a citizen's arrest!

What the f*ck is wrong with your brain, Randy, huh?

You're making a citizen's arrest for me shoving a pole right up your f*cking ass?

No, for all the marijuana Julian's got in that container right there.

I have no idea what the f*ck you guys are talking about.

Oh, yeah?

Look at this.

I missed garbage collection.

It's a bunch of f*cking garbage.

Woop-dee-sh*t!

You f*cking prick...

I f*cking loved you guys like f*cking brothers and this is what you do to me?

You f*ck me this hard?

Ricky, nobody's f*cking you hard or soft or any other way.

You know what?

You guys gonna f*ck me?

Maybe I'll f*ck you.

Dad, Randy?

How would you guys like to make 50 grand?

I'd do anything for you, Rick.

50 grand!

What are you talking about?

Look, I would do anything for you, man, but if you're going to choose Randy and Lahey over me and him, you've got to f*cking come through me, buddy.

So be it.

You try to cut me out, then I'll f*cking cut you out.

Is that right?

I'll f*cking sh**t you, Julian.

I'll f*cking sh**t you!

(Mixed yelling)

Open that f*cking container now!

Open that f*cking container!

There's something we've got to tell you, Ricky!

What have you got to tell me, Bubs?

We should have told you long ago.

You better f*cking tell me...

(Mixed shouts)

Tell me right now or I'm sh**ting him anyway!

Ricky, Listen!

Lahey's not your father!

What the f*ck are you talking about?

Bullshit, Bubbles!

Don't start with that...

He's not!

That's a bunch of f*cking bullshit, Bubbles!

Ricky's my son!

No, he's not, Mr. Lahey.

I'm sorry.

He's not.

We went and had the blood checked and it's not possible.

What do you mean, you had the blood checked?

Look, Ricky.

We found out your mother's blood type.

How?

We went to the hospital and you're Type B and she's Type A, and what type are you?

O.

Exactly.

Well, what the f*ck does that mean?

Look, summary with Type O blood: can't have a child with Type B.

It's impossible.

I'm sorry, guys.

This can't be.

(Panicked panting)

Bubbles: Ricky, come here.

Ricky...

No, f*ck off!

Ricky!

(Sighing)

Oh, my God!

Are you okay, Mr. Lahey?

What?

I've got hand it to you, Lahey.

Great f*cking performance, buddy.

Julian...

You didn't have me f*cking fooled, though!

Julian.

Get the f*ck off my property.

That wasn't a frigging performance, Julian, you big meanie.

Oh, go f*ck yourself, Randy.

My f*ck...

This is f*cked.

Poor Ricky.

Well, at least he knows now, okay?

He'll be all right.

He'll get over it.

Oh, he'll get over it?

Yeah.

Is he going to get over when we tell him Ray's not his dad?

We are not telling him that.

We have to!

No, we're not telling him!

All right.

Let's get some food, go get some more booze and figure out how the f*ck we're going to finish this.

Come on.

Can you stop filming me?

Julian: Ricky!

Bubbles: Rick!

He must be in his room.

He wouldn't be in his f*cking room.

(Knocking on wall)

Come out.

Hey, Rick.

Look, man, we've got to talk about this weed, buddy.

Julian.

What?

(In low voice)

Just...

chill out.

How're you doing, Ricky?

Who's got your belly?

I'm okay, I guess.

It's just...

well...

I was kind of liking having a dad in my lives again.

I was actually kind of starting to like the guy.

But the person I feel the worst for is Mo.

I mean...

Mo f*cking loves him.

He does, Ricky, but you know what?

You've just got to remember he's only three, so that's...

the important thing.

What the f*ck does that have to do with anything?

Well, it just means he's not going to remember any of it, Ricky.

Luckily.

Yes, he is.

One of my f*cking first memories is when I was three.

Rick, what do you remember about being three?

The time my dad took me down to the nice lake and we had a good barbecue and went fishing and he gave me my first cigarette and taught me how to inhale.

I was three.

No, you were six.

You were almost seven, Ricky.

Don't you remember?

It was my birthday that afternoon.

That's how I remember.

You ate that big chunk of hash out of Ray's tackle box.

And you came to the party running around saying, "I'm a chicken!

I'm a chicken!" And pooped yourself and threw up all over the cake and hot dogs.

Holy f*ck!

You're f*cking right!

I was f*cking six or maybe seven!

Holy f*ck, boys.

This is a good thing.

I mean, I don't think I do remember anything when I was three.

Of course you don't, man.

Nobody does, Ricky.

Well, you know what?

f*ck it, then.

If it's not going affect Mo, I'm glad he's not my f*cking dad!

I knew Ray was my old man!

I f*cking knew it.

We're too much alike.

Boys, this is actually a really, really f*cking good thing.

No, actually it isn't.

'Cause now that Lahey know he's not your dad, he's gonna be coming at us even harder now.

Well, that depends on...

you know...

(Brakes screech, engine idles)

This is our Ireland wedding money, Mr. Lahey.

Are you sure about this?

I've never been more sure about anything in my life, Ran.

Get as much as you can fit in the cart, bud.

(Theme music)

(Seabirds squawking)

Fish: f*ck!

f*ck!

f*ck off!

f*ck!...

f*ck off!

Jesus Christ!

(Whisper)

f*ck.

(Light clicks off)

f*ck off.
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