06x03 - Magic Bus

[bunniefuu]

And midnight.

So long, 17. In the words of Alice Cooper, I'm 18 and I like it.

Happy birthday, man. Let's give him his present.

A case of 23 beers.

Kelso? I deserved one, I carried it.

Yeah, that tastes like 18.

Whoa, check out the new stereo.

Oh, it plays records and eight-tracks? This thing's, like, right out of the future.

Yeah, Donna gave it to me.

I think she feels bad that she's going to college without me.

So, on the one hand I'm losing the girl that I've been in love with since I was five, but on the other hand, I get a crappy stereo.

Score!

What? I mean, she's going to dump you eventually.

Rock-and-roll never dies.

Kelso, Donna and I are fine, okay?

I mean, she's waiting until the very last bus to go to school tomorrow so we can spend every minute of my birthday together.

We're just gonna make this work.

Eric, long-distance relationships don't work.

Just ask my girlfriend back home.

Fez, you have a girlfriend back home?

No, don't you listen? Long-distance relationships don't work.

You guys, Donna and I are not gonna let a couple of miles come between us, okay?

This isn't the end of the world.

My world is over, man.

Forman, I know what you're thinking. Donna's gonna go to school, meet a whole bunch of people way cooler than you, and probably fall in love with someone else.

And you don't think she will? Oh, I know she will.

My advice to you is drink up.

I can't believe she's just leaving, you know?

Hasn't she heard of a little something called sacrifice?

You know, she sacrifices an education, or a career, or a future of any kind, and in exchange she gets me.

I'd make that trade, you're a dependable guy.

You don't offer much in the way of excitement, but if it's the same old same old the girl's after, look out.

I never deserved her, anyway.

Well, we're here for you. Here you go, dry your eyes.

Thanks, you guys, I feel better.

I think we all do.

All right, buddy, come on. Let's get you to bed.

Big boy, we're gonna tuck you in.

All right, sleep tight, buddy.

Oh, good Lord. What, what?

Happy birthday, dumb ass.

j& Hanging out j& Down the street j& The same old thing j& We did last week j& Not a thing to do j& But talk to you j& We're all all right j& We're all all right j&

Hello, Wisconsin!

Okay, Red, remember, don't tire yourself out today, because tonight is a special night in the bedroom.

Bob Newhart's on Carson?

No, silly. It's been a month since your heart att*ck.

Tonight's the night the doctor gave us the "okay."

You know, the "okay."

Kitty, I don't like clues, just say it.

The okay to make love. Don't say that.

Well, tonight is my only night off this week.

Let's not talk about it in front of the boy.

Or girl, or whatever he is today.

Let's not talk about what in front of the boy?

You guys are planning a surprise party for me tonight, aren't you?

Well, first of all, thank you.

Second of all, let me just say, 18 years old, not too old for ice-cream cake, okay.

So, where's my special birthday breakfast?

Oh, my goodness, I've been so busy this morning I forgot all about your breakfast.

Okay, I'll play along.

Lah-dee-dah, here I am, completely unaware that I'm about to get my super birthday breakfast with four pieces of bacon.

Honey, there is no breakfast.

Mom, gag's over. Give me the bacon.

Are you sure you want bacon? It's fattening.

You barely fit into your best dress as it is.

Eric, honey, let me make it up to you.

How about tonight, instead of hanging out around here, you just...

You take the night off.

Oh, because there's "no party."

I'm with you.

Steven, I am so glad we're back together.

I thought I'd lost my little Pudding Pop forever.

Wanna hear something sick?

I actually missed you calling me Pudding Pop.

How many times have I told you guys not to make out on my bed?

You guys are like cats, you don't even listen. Down!

Donna! Donna, you know what?

You're leaving tonight, so technically this isn't your bed anymore.

And besides, I just can't keep my hands off my Pudding Pop.

Pudding Pop? Pudding Pop?

Is that supposed to be me?

I've never heard that name before in my life.

Donna, you're amazing.

Taking the midnight bus tonight just so you can spend my whole birthday with me, that...

I swear, that is right up there with not wearing a bra in public.

Boy, you're taking this really well.

Yeah, well, I know I have a history of ruining these things.

Birthdays, holidays, that perm that made you look like a poodle.

But I'm not gonna do that, okay?

I'm not gonna ruin our last day together.

Oh, so you're taking the toaster.

What?

It's just, you know, we bought it together, so I guess I kind of thought it was, like, our toaster.

What do I know? It's not like I'm the one going to college, right?

You are, with my toaster.

Okay, Eric, if it's a problem... Oh, it's a problem.

You thought you could just sneak it out of town without telling me 'cause you knew it was wrong, didn't you, lady?

Okay, Eric, I don't know what your deal is, but you're ruining our last day together.

I wouldn't be me if I didn't ruin it!

You know what? Enjoy your toast, I hope it burns!

Oh, man, Casablanca.

This is the part where Humphrey Bogart tells Ingrid Bergman they'll always have Paris.

What's his problem? The guy owns a bar, man.

I'd be b*ating those French sluts off with a stick.

How'd it go with Donna? I ruined it.

And I knew I was ruining it while I was ruining it.

I just kept on ruining it.

Now, Bogey. You know, that...

That guy knows how to let a woman go. "Here's looking at you, kid."

I threw a toaster.

Hey, if you wanna be like Bogey, you gotta let her go.

Only Bogey'll get another hot girl.

You, I see Star Wars conventions and fat chicks.

Hey, Bogey and I have more in common than you think.

Of all the teenage burger hangouts in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine, only to walk right back out again.

Play it, Fez.

Well, it'll cost you a Baby Ruth.

j& Hold the line j& Love isn't always on time j& Oh, no, no j& Hold the line j& Love isn't always on time j& Love isn't always on time j& Hold the line j& Love isn't always on time j&

Now I want a Baby Ruth.

Hey, let's go to The Hub.

I can't. Let me see that.

Forman, I think there's a rule that when you turn 18 you can't let Scooby tell you the time anymore.

Shows what you know, Hyde.

That's Deputy Dawg.

I can't wait until all of Donna's giant clothes are out of the closet.

I don't even go in there now.

I'm afraid I'll fall into one of her shoes and never be heard from again.

Well, I guess I must be Eric's best friend, because I'm the only one went to the trouble of getting him a birthday cake.

It's good, too.

Maybe we should think about getting him something else.

What do you think, Pudding Pop?

Why does everybody keep calling me that?

My name's not Pudding Pop, never heard that name before in my life.

Forman's dead.

Hey, if you guys think that's funny, you should hear what Steven calls me.

He calls me his...

Hey!

Oh, hey, that's some good cake.

So, I heard Eric threw a toaster.

It's almost as bad as the time he called you a poodle head.

Which he brought up again today.

He's not good.

Well, I'm just surprised Eric was able to lift a toaster.

Hey. Donna, I've been looking all over for you.

I'm so sorry I was such a jerk earlier.

It's your last day, and it's my birthday, I just...

I wanna spend it together.

Eric, it's okay, I know you don't care about the toaster.

You're sad I'm leaving and I'm sad, too.

Hey, don't take him back. He threw a toaster!

Hey, shouldn't my surprise party have started already?

We keep telling you there's no party, man. It's like you're deaf.

Eric, there is no party.

No, no, no! Why are you here? You can't be here!

Oh, right, I'll go outside, then I'll come back, and you guys yell, "Surprise!" and I'll yell, "You got me!"

Eric, honey, there's no party.

What? How can there not be a party?

Mom, what is more important than your only son's 18th birthday?

Okay, fine.

For the first time since his heart att*ck, your father and I are having intercourse.

Sexy.

Okay, let's get this over with.

Happy birthday.

I can't fricking believe that my mom didn't plan a fricking party on my 18th fricking birthday.

The only party going on in this house is in their bedroom and that's all...

Forman, you hate it when your mom does stuff for your birthday.

Remember two years ago?

I'm 16.

Hey, your mother worked very hard on this party.

Now, you be nice to her or we're canceling the puppet show.

Oh, oh, sit on the tiny horse, so I can take a picture.

I can't, Mom.

I'll k*ll it.

Yeah, okay, fine, but she should have done something for me.

Well, we're here for you. We scraped together a few bucks and got you something you can actually use.

What is it? It's a knob for your new stereo.

Wait, did you guys just take this off while I wasn't looking?

Eric, there's an old saying. "Don't look a gift horse in the knob."

And what happened to my Led Zeppelin eight-track?

You mean gift number two.

Well, hello, handsome.

Boy, am I tired. I think I'll just go to bed.

Red Forman, what has gotten into you?

I just think that there are more appropriate ways for us to spend our time.

Like you knit and I'll whittle.

That's a nice life.

Red, I know what this is about.

You're afraid of getting physical so soon after your heart att*ck.

Kitty, you know I love what we do but am I willing to die for it?

Now, you just relax. Nurse Kitty is here to take care of you.

Well, the big paw's on the 11, so it's almost time to take Donna to the bus station.

I mean, this is it, you guys. She's really going away.

Forman, we have just the thing to make you feel better.

Another case of beer!

Oh, I'm just not really in the mood to put on a dress.

But thanks anyway, Pudding Pop.

Look, man, if you want her to stay, can't you just ask her to stay?

Man, you have no idea how badly I wanna do that,

but I just... I don't think it'd be fair to her.

Fair to her?

Who cares what the woman thinks? This is America.

You know what?

I already screwed this up once today, I am not gonna screw this up again.

I'm gonna fight every bad instinct I have, and I'm just gonna let her go.

Like Bogey did in Casablanca.

Wait, so that's it? No one's gonna drink beer and put on a dress?

Hey, Fez, you want a beer? Sure.

Jackie!

What did you do to my room? Your room? Read the wall, Donna.

Jackie, this is still my room until I leave, so will you get out and give me and Eric a few minutes alone?

But I still have to paint the heart over the "I".

Out, go. Out, shoo. Oh, God! All right, Donna!

Okay, you're all packed.

I can't believe my baby's leaving.

Well, hey, I'll still be around, sir.

Why would I wanna pal around with you? All you did was dirty her up.

You should probably get going.

Happy birthday, Eric.

Donna, this is the nicest thing anyone's done for me all day.

Make a wish.

Oh, boy, do I smell cupcakes?

So...

I'm really gonna miss you.

Yeah, me, too.

Look, Donna, I'm really happy for you.

Well, bye, I guess.

Donna, wait!

Donna, you have to stay. Stay? You're supposed to tell me to go.

No, if you leave you'll regret it.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but in a couple of weeks or...

You know, at least by Christmas.

Oh, my God, you're such a loser.

Donna. Here's looking at you, dork.

What did you wanna tell me?

Have a safe trip.

Thanks.

Donna, what...

I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.

This whole time I was thinking I was supposed to leave, and then when the time came to get on the bus, I couldn't do it.

I'll figure college out later, all I know is I wanna stay here with you.

Oh, my God. Donna, that's what I wished for.

Donna, we didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

You guys get him drunk and make him wear a dress?

Yes, but I've been wanting to do this for some time.

Too tired.

Yeah, it was pretty silly.

Knit and whittle.

Yeah, I hate to whittle.

Where's the aspirin?

Oh, like you've never woken up in a dress before.