08x21 - Love of My Life

[bunniefuu]

Okay, don't mind us, girls, we are just prettying up the room because we're showing the house later today.

The listing said "finished basement" and finished!

Well, we're not going to be selling anything if we don't get rid of all this clutter, so get the hell out.

I can't leave yet. I told Fez I'd meet him here.

He went to the airport to pick up his best friend from back home.

Oh, great, another mocha skinned weirdo in tight pants who can make any word sound like boogadaboogadaboogada!

You know he is coming to cheer Fez up.

The poor guy hasn't been himself since you rejected him.

You know it's weird, I actually miss his chocolaty stained fingerprints on my bras.

Yeah. Well, you know what? I don't want to see Fez.

I mean, he called me ugly on the inside and the outside.

I'm sorry, but he's just wrong about the outside part.

Holy crap, man!

What?

Listen to this letter from my dad.

"Dear valued Grooves employee, "your services are no longer required.

"I've sold the chain of stores to a dry-cleaning corporation

"for, frankly, a butt load of money.

"You should see the check, whooee!

"I thank you for your years of dedicated service.

"As of Friday, you're trespassing."

Can you believe this, man? I'm out of a job!

Well, how do you think Leo feels?

Well, probably how he always feels. Stoned.

Everyone, I'd like you to meet my best friend from back home, Andrew Davis.

How do you do? It's so wonderful to be stateside.

So you're Fez's friend from wherever he's from?

Yes, and I know exactly who you are.

You're a frigid, unpleasant woman who enjoys stomping on a man's heart for sport.

You disgust me, Jackie.

I'm not Jackie, I'm Donna.

Oh, you are gorgeous.

So, you guys are from the same place?

Of course not. He's from the west side of the island.

j& Hanging out

j& Down the street

j& The same old thing j& We did last week j& Not a thing to do j& But talk to you j& We're all all right j& We're all all right j&

Hello, Wisconsin!

You know what, enough of this jibber jabber.

I brought you folks a gift from back home.

Pretty good gift, eh?

Take it easy, though, a little goes a long way.

You know what else goes a long way, man? A lot!

You know what else goes a long way? Spiders.

That little guy made it all the way from the light bulb to the pipe.

Way to go, Mr. Spider!

Don't even think about it, Andrew.

Spiders here have very little meat.

Regardless, it's still so exciting to be in America.

It's true what they say. The streets are paved!

I'm starting to feel weird, guys.

My hair is tingly, my palms are sweating and my pulse is racing.

Oh, man, I think I overdid it!

Stop jibber jabbering, old boy.

I told you the stuff was pretty strong.

Just take a deep breath and relax.

Yes, I'm sure you'll be okay after a few minutes.

Until then, just continue to sweat and grind your teeth.

Or you can do what you usually do when you've had too much, switch to beer. Whoa, Hyde, are you okay?

Of course I'm okay. It's you that's not okay.

But you're me. So if you're not okay it means I'm not okay, which means...

I'm going out of my freaking mind here!

You're going to be fine. Do you guys think I should change my hair?

Okay, well, the house is all set.

Mr. and Mrs. Dubois should be here any minute.

Dubois? Kitty, I don't want Germans moving in here!

I think they're French.

Yes, and if they buy the house, they'll give it up to the first German who knocks at the door.

Okay, well, I have to get to work.

Are you sure you can show this house by yourself?

Kitty, I showed a Japanese soldier the inside of his own stomach, I think I can show a house.

So, through there is the den, back there is the kitchen, and upstairs are the bedrooms.

Could we see them?

Oh, so my word's not good enough?

Well, is there a bathroom upstairs?

No, we just whiz off the roof.

In here you got the stove and the fridge, both still under warranty.

Oh, is this the kitchen?

No, it's a petting zoo.

There's the goat, pony ride. Oh, there's the dumb ass!

In here I built a whole workbench against this wall so there is plenty of space for all your tools.

Actually I was thinking I could turn it into a yoga studio.

Really, and I was thinking I could turn your ass into my foot studio.

Randy, what are you doing here?

Your dad invited me over.

I figured if you two talked, maybe you'd get back together.

I mean, it didn't work for your mom and me but that was mostly because of sleeping with strangers.

Oh, so all of a sudden Aunt Jenny is a stranger?

Donna, I'm sure you probably don't even want to see me right now, but I never had a chance to tell you how I feel.

Straight from the heart, my own words.

So I made you this mix tape.

"Grandma's last words."

Oh, I taped over that.

You really couldn't hear over the respirator anyway.

Oh, Red, how did it go showing the house?

Why don't you ask all the dumb asses that came through here?

So, poorly then. Maybe I should show the house.

I heard that you're supposed to make a home feel warm and friendly and inviting.

So you should probably leave.

Yeah, I just don't have the patience for these people.

I hate to admit it, but I wish they were all dead.

I'm telling you, Leo, yesterday in the basement I had the worst trip I've ever had.

Hey, I don't care how bad your trip was, man, you better have brought me back a snow globe or something.

It was a total freak out, man. I had this hallucination that everyone else turned into me.

It was me and a whole bunch of mes!

Was I there?

No.

That's it, Leo. You know what, I'm quitting the circle, man.

And I feel really good about it.

In fact, this calls for a celebration!

I have no idea what to do.

How can I turn down Jackie Burkhart?

I don't even hang up on wrong numbers.

Look, since there's no chance of anything with her, why are you even sticking around here any more?

Well, where else would I go?

Home, old boy! Come home!

Home?

Yeah, that's a good idea!

I'll go back to Brazil and then, I'll catch a flight home from there.

Oh, coming!

Oh, hello there, I'm Kitty Forman.

I'm so excited to show you my home.

Okay, now, this is the living room where I have spent many happy hours.

Not "happy hours" like at a bar.

Although, I would be lying if I said I didn't try to start that up around here.

No, but I have spent many wonderful times with the kids in here.

Before they moved so very far away. Oh, sad! Okay, follow me.

And this is my kitchen.

And this is the table where Eric would do his homework and Laurie would do her nails.

You know, some people used to call her a tramp but that's not fair, there is nothing wrong with being friendly.

You know, I guess the four of us will never sit here together again.

Okay, let's move on.

Now, this is the dining room where we'd have all our special dinners and Red's mother used to always tell me my pot roast was too dry. But what does she know, she's in hell now.

You know, I always thought that I would serve dinner to my grandchildren in here.

Oh, my gosh, I'm just choking up.

Okay and here, okay, this is the den.

Oh!

And these are the marks on the wall where we measured the kids' height when they were growing up.

But you'll probably... You'll just paint over this.

You unfeeling bastards! Yeah!

You will get this house when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

Oh, in fact, let me show you one more thing, the door!

Hey, Steven, what are you doing?

I'm painting this model I just finished.

I have a lot more free time now that I quit the circle.

What, you quit the circle? What are you, high?

I don't do that any more, Jackie. I don't need to.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go for a jog.

Oh, and if you see Mrs. Forman, can you let her know that I'll be making the salad tonight?

Oh! It's you.

I'm here to get some things belonging to the man whose heart you broke.

Because he's packing and leaving.

Now, who is this Kitty and where is her underwear?

Wait, Fez is leaving?

Hmm. Why?

Oh, because of you. He is in bad shape, Jackie.

What? He hurt me first!

Do you know what he told me?

He said that if he could go back in time and take back five words, those words would be, "Now you're ugly on the outside, "just like you are on the inside."

That's more than five words.

All his words run together, he doesn't know.

So I said to him, "Why would you want to

"take those words back?" He said to me, so he wouldn't have to go through life knowing he'd hurt the woman he loved.

Oh.

And you broke his heart. You disgust me!

I frankly don't understand why any man would ever want to be with you!

So, want to make out?

So, what do you think?

Look, I just... I think we both need to move on with our lives.

I'm sorry.

Oh, well. I gave it a sh*t.

But you're making a big mistake, because I am the best thing that is ever going to happen to you!

Really? Still nothing?

So, friends then? All right.

Hey, guys.

What's going on?

Steven, we need to talk, man.

We're here because we're your friends and we love you.

But ever since you quit the circle, you've changed.

I mean, what's this I hear about you eating a vegetable?

Look at you. Your eyes are clear, your shirt is clean.

I hardly recognize you.

You have a problem with dr*gs, man.

I don't have a problem! I can start any time I want!

Oh, yeah? Then why don't you start right now?

Or don't you have the guts?

You guys don't understand.

The last time I was in the circle, I totally freaked out!

I know why you freaked out, man. All your friends are leaving and the record store is closing. Your life is changing, man.

See, it's not the circle that's the problem. It's that your life is crap.

Oh, my God. I've been using sobriety as a crutch.

I need help!

We're here for you.

Hold out your hands, man.

I love you, guys!

Red, I have bad news.

The people I showed the house to, they just weren't interested.

I have no idea why.

It doesn't matter. The clown who does yoga made an offer.

So I said, "It's a deal, you downward-facing dumb ass."

Isn't it great? A month from now, we'll be in Florida.

Yeah. Far away from all our family and friends.

Jeez, Kitty, put it like that, we should leave tonight!

Hey, there, son.

WB.

I guess you heard the news.

Yeah.

Well, I got some more great news for you.

I bought a Corvette!

Good for you, man. You know, you didn't have to come all the way down here to tell me that, you could have just sent it in a form letter.

"Dear employee, bought a Corvette. Whooee!"

Listen, Steven, that letter was just for the faceless employees that I don't care about.

Hey, thanks for the letter, man.

Look, I wanted to come here personally to tell you the big news.

I'm giving you this store.

Yes, you're the proud owner of the last remaining Grooves.

Holy crap, I own this place?

Yep.

You can even rename it something more appropriate to this lily-white community.

You can call it Rhythmless or Snap at the Wrong Time.

Wow, man! It's, like, the nicest thing any one of my dads has ever done for me.

You know, it just goes to show you, if you sit on your ass long enough, good stuff will happen.

Yup! That is some good stuff.

I've missed you, Hyde.

Just like they always say, "Hey, Leo, how's it going?"

Son, if this is how you're going to run this store now that it's yours, I got to tell you, I'm going to be stopping by a lot more often.

Oh, Fez, I'm so glad you're still here.

Yes, I wanted to take one last look at the basement before I leave.

Look, Fez, Andrew told me what you said.

And now that I know, I can't let you leave.

I'm sorry, Jackie, it's too late. I'm leaving.

And there's nothing anybody can say to get me to stay.

I want to be your girlfriend.

I'll stay. You will?

Yes! But I don't want to be just some rebound for you.

And I need to know that you're not going to leave me when something better comes along.

Fez, there is no one better for me than you!

I'm just sorry that it took me so long to figure that out.

You really mean that?

Of course! Fez, I want to be with you.

And I'm so happy that we can finally be together.

Wow!

I've been waiting so long to hear those three words.

Man, I can't believe I'm not going to be around to see you two together.

It's going to go one of two ways.

It could be a disaster or a catastrophe.

Blah, blah, blah! You always say you're leaving, but you never do.

I am serious, I'm finally going to get out of this town and do something with my life.

Eric called, he's coming home! He's coming home!

Yeah, you're not going anywhere.

So you grew up with Fez, huh?

You know, we've been wondering something for a long time.

Where the hell are you guys from?

Isn't it obvious?

Okay, just tell us what's the name of your country?

Well, that depends on whether you ask the British or the Dutch.

Okay, so what if we ask the British?

Oh, no, no, no, no! They wouldn't tell you.

They hate us.

So, what if we ask the Dutch?

Oh, who can understand a word they say?