03x09 - Do All Malivore Monsters Provide This Level of Emotional Insight?

[bunniefuu]

_ (SPEAKING GERMAN)

- (LOUD BANGING ON DOOR)

- (GASPS)

Put the heaters away, boys.

This guy's a scientist, not a soldier.

Now, toss the place and find it.

Before Der Führer beats us to it.

(CHALK WRITING ON CHALKBOARD)

ALARIC: I guess the saying is true. Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

LANDON: Actually, the original quote is from George Santayana, who said, "Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it." Not that it really matters.

(CHUCKLES)

It's good to have you back, Landon.

But the monsters are back, too.

Yeah, I always miss the good ones.

Like, first there was the mummy, and then, and then a minotaur, and now a leprechaun?

What did it want?

We believe Malivore sent it to retrieve the Ascendant.

Makes sense.

Malivore can't meatsuit me if he's stuck in a prison world, so of course he wants a way out.

That's not happening on my watch.

Our watch.

Landon's safe.

But the rest of us... not so much.

It's like you said, history repeating itself, doom... whatever.

With the Ascendant destroyed, the monsters may be after Landon now.

So let's focus.

After the leprechaun came the Ferryman, which Cleo summoned to bring you back home.

Which is why I nominate Cleo for the Super Squad.

More like nominate yourself into her pants.

All in favor?

We're not exactly on great terms, but she brought Landon back to me, so she has my vote.

Well, that's a majority.

Motion passes.

Is it?

Where is everyone?

Like, Josie and MG and, and...

the rest of the students?

Well, we've been having some enrollment issues.

(CHUCKLES)

Yet another reason to get this monster problem all sorted out.

Well, if history has taught us anything, it's that we need to find whatever portal they're coming out of and seal it up.

LIZZIE: How?

By stepping in every puddle in town and seeing if we wind up in an alternate hell dimension?

ALARIC: Well, I'm glad you asked, Elizabeth, because that's your assignment today.

If Cleo can summon a monster, it stands to reason she can summon another.

Perhaps a harmless one who will talk and give us answers once we capture it.

Now, I expect you all to work together while I'm gone, harmoniously.

Wait, where you going that's more important than this?

I'm going to see a supernatural scholar about another lead.

We will summon this monster when I get back.

Now, remember: harmoniously.

JOSIE: I can't even look at you right now. I mean, what kind of mystery meat is that?

I'm gonna be honest.

I'm not sure.

But whatever it takes to fit in on my first day.

Good luck.

Mystic Falls is clique-ier than The Salvatore School, which has actual factions.

Over there is where the jocks sit with the mean girl cheerleaders.

Well, she doesn't look so mean to me.

Tori Thompson?

Please.

The LARPers and comic book geeks sit over there.

It's probably more your speed.

Well, maybe at our last school, but here, we can be as cool as we want to be.

How cool is that, exactly?

I see myself trying out for the football team...

(FEMALE VOICES ECHOING)

...because Tori Thompson is totally into me.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, she just told her friend.

Knock it off.

No vamp powers.

- Relax, they don't even know.

- Yeah, and we need to keep it that way or my dad is going to yank us out of this school so fast our heads are gonna spin.

Okay, he's probably lurking in the parking lot right now.

You're being paranoid.

Please, just try being human with me.

Okay, fine.

No powers.

But if this place is so important to you, why are we sitting here alone?

Mind if I join you guys?

Looks like there's plenty of room.

- That'd be cool, right?

- Yeah, sure.

I'm MG.

I remember, from that flag football game.

- You transferred here, too?

- Yeah.

And, um, speaking of football, I was thinking of trying out.

You got any pointers?

Uh, study hard instead.

I just got cut.

LIZZIE: I thought you were on my team. And I am, because your dad said that we all need to work together on this one.

Well, he's not here, and I am not working with Hope Mikaelson.

Lizzie, the last time we went against Doc's plans, a leprechaun nearly k*lled him with a necktie.

Maybe ponder that for a sec.

This is my pondering face, okay?

And that plan was still way better than the one that Hope came up with, which could have sent Josie to the dark side.

And at least I'm doing something instead of moping around because MG left.

Okay, I can tell that you're in a bad mood, so I'm gonna refrain from pointing out your involvement in that, too.

Besides, MG's probably just out somewhere taking a walk or something to blow some steam off.

MG enrolled at Mystic Falls this morning.

He'll be staying with Josie in town.

Josie is his only friend there.

He'll be back in no time.

Okay?

I hope so.

Because, as your new bestie, you mooning over his comic books is a little creepy.

Yeah, this is research.

Oh, yes.

The adventures of trench coat guy and Tinker Bell.

First off, that's John Constantine, and you damn well know it.

Second, that is a pixie.

A kinder, gentler version of a genie...

(LAUGHS)

As if genies even exist.

...that trades wishes for favors.

So all we gotta do is a solid for one of 'em, wish for them to close the portal as payback.

Our Malivore problem is done and dusted.

Boom.

Oh, damn.

That's that little ponder face you were talking about.

What are you thinking?

It's classified.

LANDON: I thought we were supposed to be working with Lizzie and Kaleb.

_ What is that?

The note Lizzie left on the door to her room.

Hey, are you okay?

I mean, I've been picking up on some weird tension.

Never better.

I've got you back.

That's all that matters anyway.

I'm not sure Lizzie feels the same.

Yeah.

I may have tried to guilt Josie into taking her magic back to open a door to save you, but it didn't even happen, so I don't know why Lizzie's so bent out of shape.

Well, how would you have felt if it had been me in danger instead of Josie?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Whose side are you on?

Yours.

Always.

I'm just saying the reason you two are mad at each other is because you're more alike than you think.

Take that back immediately.

You're both smart, powerful witches who'd do just about anything for who or what you love.

I really hope you're wrong, because if you're right, I think I know what Lizzie's about to do next.

I was unaware you jogged, Lizzie.

I'm, uh, more of a night runner.

It's normally so dark, in fact, that you can't even see me.

Well, I always sprint the last mile.

- No pressure to keep up.

- Wait!

And leave your mentor in the dust?

I'm here to officially welcome you...

Sculptress of Statuary, Slayer of Small Ones...

as a member-elect of the Super Squad.

Thank you...

I think.

What is expected of me?

Merely one super-heroic event, as approved by your Super Squad mentor.

- Meaning you.

- Yes.

So lucky, right?

And I've already thought of just the thing.

HOPE: And I bet I know what that is.

You were gonna summon a monster behind my back?

Please.

Like you weren't planning on doing the same thing.

And knowing you, you would have released a Kraken with a Muppet allergy that would have wiped out the rest of us.

Okay, unlike you, I actually listened to your father, so I was thinking cute, talking, harmless.

Well, why don't you share with the rest of the class?

Why don't we summon a cherub?

They're basically flying babies.

LIZZIE: With bows and arrows.

Cupid was a total bloodbath.

Remember?

Um, he wasn't actually Cupid, and shouldn't we just wait for Dr. Saltzman?

BOTH: Stay out of this!

It doesn't matter who he was, because pixies grant wishes.

Okay, so does a monkey's paw.

How would that work out?

You'll see.

Fire up that summoning spell.

I do not believe that will be necessary.

The monster is already here.

(GROWLING)

(PURRING)

Oh, that is the cutest monster ever.

(BABBLING)

(GIGGLING)

- What is it?

- I don't know.

But I want one.

(PURRING, CHUCKLING)

Did you summon that thing?

No.

We must be wary.

- (SNEEZES)

- LIZZIE: More like merry.

This thing could check all of our boxes.

Now, somebody, quick, throw a blanket over it and we'll find out if it can talk.

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE): Screw you.

How's that for talking?

- Grab it.

- (LAUGHING)

MONSTER: Too slow.

Too slow!

(MONSTER LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

Are you sure it went this way?

Yes, Hope, I can hear it.

Are you two deaf and dumb?

Let's see if the thing is as fireproof as it is critical.

HOPE: No, don't.

See where these pipes lead?

MONSTER: Okey-dokey.

Just dumb.

(LAUGHS)

Regrettably, you're right.

We need a song of ice and not fire.

A quick Glae Solidatur will freeze this little guy in his tracks.

HOPE: We want to interrogate it, not k*ll it.

Remember? I'll just cast Immobilus. Oh, great, so it can drown in there.

(COUGHING)

Once again, Hope, this is all your fault...

Yah!

(SQUEAKS)

MONSTER: Smell you later, ladies...

- Damn it.

Here.

Let me help.

- (MONSTER GIGGLING)

Like I've been saying all day, I don't want your help.

I can't believe that you would push me in here.

I didn't.

It was the monster.

You know what, Hope?

At least when I'm a bitch, I own it.

Now, for the last time, stay the hell out of my way.

People always get hurt when you don't.

ALARIC: I really appreciate your help.

Whatever you can do to identify that would be great.

Anything for an old pal.

Especially the one who helped me get this gig.

You deserve it.

How's, uh... how's Emma?

Oh, we're solid.

Yeah.

At least we will be once she wraps up this semester in Shanghai.

- Ah.

- Mac?

Mm...

Do I even want to know why you're interested in this?

Well, we think Malivore opened up another portal somehow.

Monsters started appearing once Hope and I opened up that artifact, and I just want to know if it's a coincidence or a...

you know, cause for concern.

I'll give you a call as soon as I have information.

Unless y-you'd prefer to stick around.

(CHUCKLES)

Why would I want to do that?

(CHUCKLES)

Because you could've sent me photos of this thing, Rick, and called.

Your daughter goes here and now so does MG.

So, like you said... coincidence or cause for concern?

I wish I knew.

Josie came in contact with black magic.

Now, she checks out fine, but, you know, black magic can be tricky.

I hate the idea of spying on her, but, uh...

what do you have in mind?

I had a teacher call in sick this morning.

I need a substitute.

Well...

my human history's a...

a little rusty, but...

(CHUCKLES)

Who said it was history class?

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

ALARIC: All right.

Let's, um, stretch the ham...

hammies.

(SIGHS)

Paranoid, huh?

Your dad has questionable timing and extremely questionable taste in athletic apparel.

- But h-he's not...

- A total spy?

That's fine.

He can spy all he wants if there's nothing for him to see.

So no using vamp speed or strength to impress Tori-Crop-Top-Thompson with your soccer skills.

Promise?

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

- (WHISPERS): Stop looking.

- It's really hard.

- Stop looking.

- Okay.

HOPE: Too short.

- Too green.

- Mm.

Too Gimli.

(GASPS)

You remembered.

(LAUGHS)

That's a lawn ornament.

This is pointless.

No, it's a process.

There are literally thousands of wee folk in mythology.

We just have to figure out what this one is.

It would go a lot faster if we could share notes with Lizzie.

Not an option.

Apparently, I'm hazardous to everyone's health.

Okay.

Radical idea, I know.

Have you thought about apologizing to her for pressuring Josie?

I can't.

And not because I don't want to.

But because if you disappeared tomorrow, I'd do it all over again.

Well, what brought me back was something you hadn't thought of.

And I bet if you and Lizzie had worked together, you'd have found another way.

Yeah, but we didn't.

And I can't change the past.

Fair.

But you can change the present.

Starting with our current adorable little monster...

LIZZIE (OVER P.A.): Good morning, Stallions. This is The Salvatore School Monster Warning Service. There's yet another monster on the loose, but more on that later. Because the true thr*at to all our lives is Hope Mikaelson. And not just 'cause she has scabies.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Gotta go easy on that arm.

Oh, that's right, I need to.

Unless you need a Band-Aid for that cut, QB None.

Oh, knock it off, Blake.

We can't all go seasons without taking a snap like you.

It's only been three.

Who am I to question your math?

Yeah, go ahead, bail.

Like you bailed on your family.

Worked out great.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Break it up, break it up, break it up.

Break it up.

Break it up.

All right, everyone go take a couple laps around the school.

Go!

Not you.

Go pick up some of those cones and cool off.

(GRUNTS)

After you go pick that up.

Go on, move.

JOSIE: What was that about?

I don't know, you tell me.

JOSIE: I don't know.

Everything's fine here.

Better than fine, actually.

It's perfect.

Huh.

Well, it doesn't seem that way to me.

Ethan got cut from the football team and he's messed up about it.

(HORN BLARES)

(HORN BLARING)

Holy crap.

How did you just move that fast?

HOPE: I cannot believe you. Scabies?

Really?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I was too busy washing the chlorine out of my hair.

Though I can't say I disagree with the spirit of the message.

Okay, let's do this.

I've saved you and this school over a dozen times.

And how many times have you put us all in grave, life-threatening danger?

It's a wash, Hope.

And the truth is, you're only there for us when you need something.

HOPE: Look, I'm not proud of what I asked Josie to do, but let's be real: you're the reason she went dark in the first place.

LANDON: Ding, ding.

Round over.

Everyone back to a neutral corner.

You two are not making any sense.

Okay.

Butt out, new girl.

You have no idea how deep our history goes.

CLEO: That is correct.

Which is why I am taking both of you at your word.

If Hope says she did not push Lizzie into the pool, then I believe her.

And if Lizzie swears she did not make that announcement, then I believe her, too.

But we heard her voice.

CLEO: Perhaps we should focus on that fact.

And an explanation for it that does not require either of you to be wrong.

The monster.

Sounds like I'm here right on time.

Critter was just in Doc's office.

LIZZIE: God, you will do anything to suck up to Cleo.

k*lling monsters does not impress me.

HOPE: No, he didn't k*ll it.

It's molting.

What kind of creature does that?

LIZZIE: Butterflies?

Frogs?

Gremlins.

Oh, it is definitely a gremlin.

Oh, awesome.

Finally.

(LAUGHS)

I mean, I mean...

LIZZIE: I don't get it.

How does something so cute become this?

Duh.

Feeding them after midnight.

Oh, come on.

You've never seen...

Disrespect.

Says it right here, nerd.

That's what gremlins feed on.

Okay, well, then the movie... which you all still should have seen...

obviously took some artistic license.

Perhaps it is pitting the two of you against one another.

Great.

We've been feeding it an all-you-can-eat buffet.

The stronger it gets, the more dangerous it is.

For Landon, right?

Wait, that's it.

If we want to trap this thing, we have the perfect bait.

Do not look at my boyfriend like he's a piece of cheese.

- We are not...

- Using me as bait is a great idea.

I mean, if Malivore wants me, like always, then the gremlin has no choice but to come for me, right?

And we'll be waiting when it does.

Look, the only way this goes wrong is if you two can't work together.

It's all up to you two.

ALARIC: This isn't about us, MG.

- It's about what's best for Ethan.

- Is it?

Or is it more like keeping our secrets safe at his expense?

JOSIE: Burdening Ethan with it won't end well, either.

Dad's right.

We can't risk it.

No offense, Jo, but what are you really worried about risking?

Do I get a vote?

Well, this isn't a democracy.

But we can hear what you have to say.

I think it's really cool that MG has superpowers, because...

I'd be dead without them.

And I understand why you'd want to keep that a secret.

And I'm happy to keep it.

ALARIC: Yes, I believe you.

But I made your mother a promise that I'd look after you and keep you safe.

MG?

Please compel him.

That's my decision.

Compel me to do what?

There's no reason to be scared.

You had a bad day.

You got cut from the football team and you're mad about it, so you went home after gym class.

But you're gonna wake up tomorrow feeling better.

And you're gonna find what makes you happy that's not football, then go after it.

But you're not going to remember this conversation or anything that happened with us today.

I feel better already.

I don't remember a thing.

So you don't remember the thing you're not supposed to remember?

Is there any possibility that you told his mom about vervain?

Mm.

- Yeah.

- Son of a bitch.

CLEO: This is quite intense. At least the dude's little.

Minotaurs, gargoyles, Headless Horseman...

that's when the real intensity kicks in.

Hey.

It's okay.

You get used to it.

I do not want to.

I thought this school was perfect for me...

secure, enlightened, creative.

But now I am unsure if I wish to be a member of your Squad.

Look, I used to feel the same way about this place.

Just take it from me: don't let fear drive you away from...

something good.

Uh, especially when you don't have anything to be afraid of.

From what you have all told me, Malivore is terrifying.

So explain how I'm supposed to feel safe.

Uh...

Uh, maybe I, uh... just...

totally misread that whole situation.

I'm... sorry.

Ask again when our lives are not in jeopardy.

I'm gonna go get, uh, uh, another...

another book.

Yeah.

Okay.

(GROWLING)

HOPE: It's here. Then you were right.

You can use gremlin goo to cast a locator spell.

All the more reason to moisturize.

It's on the move.

Get ready.

I don't mean to interrupt this awesome teamwork on display, but where do you need me, exactly?

Anywhere is fine.

If you really wanted to help, you could slather yourself in honey.

Uh, it doesn't matter.

It's not coming.

What do you mean?

He's right.

It's headed off-campus.

Oh, great.

You screwed up the spell.

The spell worked just fine.

Your attitude, on the other hand?

Disrespect.

Remember?

Well, maybe it ate so much it's full.

Or Malivore's not after Landon.

Then who the hell does he want?

(DOOR OPENS)

The gremlin...

the gremlin took Cleo.

Put that down.

You're not coming.

Like hell.

Cleo got grabbed on my watch.

I'm getting her back.

LIZZIE: So you guys uncovered how to incapacitate/m*rder a gremlin prior to her being kidnapped?

No, but I will.

Personally.

Okay, who's gonna stay here and keep an eye on the school?

You mean Landon.

You miss the part where I suck at protecting people?

LANDON: Kaleb's right.

Not about the sucking.

And before you tell me why I'm wrong, there are, like, four other students at this school and the monster isn't after me for once.

I don't need protection.

So let me handle the research while the three of you handle finding Cleo together.

Because doing things the way you have been doing them is exactly what the gremlin wants.

ETHAN: Found it. My mom said it's an herbal supplement to help with my arm.

She sends me the stuff all the time.

(MG GRUNTS)

Mm.

Yeah.

That...

Mm.

That stings like vervain.

Holy crap, is vervain your kryptonite?

ALARIC: When was the last time you took one of those pills?

Uh, this morning, before I worked out, around : .

A dose that size, it should be out of your system in a couple of hours.

Then you and MG can try having that, uh, conversation again.

If something different than that happens, give me a call.

Where are you going?

I think you and I need to talk privately.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

ETHAN: I guess we got time to k*ll.

Might as well tell me your origin story.

Uh, I don't think that's a good idea.

Why not?

You're just gonna wipe my memory anyway, right?

Kind of like how Zatanna mind-wiped Batman.

(SCOFFS)

In Identity Crisis issue number six.

- Yeah.

- Hold on.

- Hold on, hold on.

- (LAUGHS)

How'd you know?

All right, look, I would never admit this to anyone, but...

I've loved comic books since I was a kid.

Wow.

(LAUGHS)

It's our secret, all right?

(BOTH LAUGH)

This should be the spot.

Great.

A literal cow pasture.

But, hey, pun intended.

That's supposed to be good luck, right?

- KALEB: Pipe down for a sec, Lizzie.

- (INDISTINCT SOUNDS)

You hear that?

Of course you can't.

- Cleo!

- (GRUNTS)

Hold on, okay?

- Nice work.

- Yeah.

Dissero. Cleo, we can levitate you out of there.

I said "we." Doesn't this all seem a bit too easy?

If I were a gremlin, why would I leave Cleo in a place that is so quick to find?

KALEB: Who cares?

Maybe gremlins are dumb.

Or smart.

Or at least, as smart as we are.

I mean, it used Cleo as bait.

Just like we did with Landon.

You think?

(DISTANT THUDDING)

(GROWLING)

Call it a gut feeling.

(HIGH-PITCHED ROARING)

How is it so big?

We've been Kumbaya since Landon's speech.

CLEO: It is my fault.

I may have used some colorful language as it dragged me here.

Like they say, the bigger they are...

- So, what's plan B?

- (HORN HONKING)

(CAR DOOR OPENS)

(ROARS)

No way.

He's like Gremzilla now!

And far less frightening than I will be if you have scratched my paint.

Focus, guys.

I figured out how to defeat the gremlin.

Disrespect makes the gremlin stronger, and respect weakens it.

In hindsight, actually makes a lot of sense.

Probably shouldn't have taken hours of research.

So we have to respect each other?

Ha.

We're doomed.

You're a vampire?

Now, it's nowhere near as dope as getting bitten by some radioactive bat or anything, but, uh, yeah, it's the truth.

It's still cool as hell.

Super strength?

Super speed?

The blood thing is a bit of a bummer, but the only bad part was your mom and dad not accepting you for what you are.

Yeah.

That part was, uh, definitely rough.

My story's the opposite.

My mom's done everything she can to support me, even letting me stay here in Mystic Falls to let me make the most of what I got.

Which isn't much, compared to you.

But that's why getting cut hurts so much, 'cause I don't know how to tell her.

Or who I am without football.

Wait, can you compel that into me?

Uh...

Yeah.

But, um, I'd rather help you figure that out on the other side.

Well, I'm curious about your next move.

- What do you mean?

- Well, you can say that you're not a superhero, but that's a load of crap.

If there's one thing guys like us know, with great power comes great responsibility.

So how are you gonna use those powers for good?

(WATCH BEEPING)

(BEEPING STOPS)

The, um, vervain should be out of your system.

Hey, can I ask a favor first?

Don't take everything away.

Uh, leave the part where we met today.

Why?

Because we're friends now, right?

And I-I could really use one right about now.

KALEB: What are you waiting for? Start complimenting each other while I go distract this thing.

(ROARS)

I like the color of your hair.

I also like the color of your hair.

And the cut.

Although the one before it did frame your face better.

Seriously?

Respect has to be genuine.

You guys have to understand that despite your differences, there's a lot you two have in common.

LIZZIE: Disagree.

I would have never made the choice that Hope did.

Josie could have d*ed.

(WHOOPS)

Here.

Grab this.

I'm sorry about that.

I never meant to hurt your sister or you.

I just didn't know what else to do.

Well, I guess the way that you put Landon first / is kind of like what I do with Josie, and myself.

Maybe in the past, but you've changed, Lizzie.

And honestly, I wish I could be as proactive as you when it comes to bettering myself.

LANDON: Okay, come on, Cleo.

You got this.

And I wish I had your confidence.

I can only imagine what it's like to not second-guess myself all the time.

To always be the hero.

Y-You're doing it!

It's shrinking!

Well, I'd trade my confidence for your brutal honesty.

And your ability to coordinate outfits.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, that can be arranged.

If you teach me your badass, icy glare.

LANDON: Come on.

You got this.

We got this.

Not so big now, huh?

I'm sorry about today.

Might be new, but you are totally Squad.

Welcome to your first mission.

Let us blast this thing.

Where did it go?

It's right here.

(HIGH-PITCHED WHIMPERING)

It is only a matter of time until I return to my magnificent form...

Hmm.

At least we know it still talks.

Yeah.

You know, we better get a "A" on this assignment.

I want to take the little thing and put it in a mason jar and just give it to Doc S.

So long as we respect one another the entire time it remains in captivity, for if we do not...

I don't love those odds.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

More often than I care to admit.

(GREMLIN SQUEALING)

How was your first day back?

LANDON: Exhausting.

Well, at least the thread count is better here than in Malivore.

(CHUCKLES)

Don't leave this bed, ever.

I wish that were the answer.

♪ We'll draw the curtain ♪ ♪ To never leave home ♪

There's something on your mind.

What's up?

♪ I had a nightmare ♪ ♪ Ah, ah... ♪ I don't really know the words to express how much I appreciate what you did for me.

But I don't want my being back to be a burden to you.

Or to anyone else.

You're not a burden.

And even if you were, I mean, I can handle it.

You're everything to me.

You've more than proven that, but... maybe that's the problem.

No.

The problem was that you were stuck in a hell dimension.

Now that I'm not, I don't want to come between you or any of our friends ever again.

Which means I can't be everything to you.

It clearly breeds resentment.

I don't care.

As long as I have you.

That's the thing, Hope... you always will.

So maybe worry about having me a little less and having everyone else more.

♪ Ah, ah... ♪

If I was right about the gremlin, maybe I'm right about this. There's enough Hope Mikaelson to go around.

♪ This is how you fall in love ♪

I don't remember you being this perfect.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

♪ So pull me tight and close your eyes ♪

If I'm gonna take your advice, I think that there's somewhere I need to be.

♪ Oh, my love, side to side... ♪

JOSIE: This isn't the conversation I thought we'd be having.

Not that I'm complaining.

(CHUCKLES)

Thanks for walking me here.

Oh, wow.

I am amazed at how perfectly they rebuilt this place.

(SCOFFS)

The shutters may have changed a bit.

But then again, haven't we all?

(CHUCKLES)

Pull up a step.

Humor your old man.

What did you think we were gonna talk about?

Oh, I don't know...

me being willing to do black magic with Hope, thus losing my chance to go to Mystic Falls High and live here.

Yeah, well...

That would be pretty hypocritical.

I understand why you did it.

I don't condone it, but I know you were just trying to make up for a past mistake.

Kind of like I'm trying to do.

With the portal?

No.

I'm talking about us, Jo.

You know, there is nothing more important to me than you and your sister.

And maybe you'd know that if I said it more, instead of just...

(INHALES DEEPLY)

...showing up and buying milkshakes.

I do know that, Dad.

Never stop buying me milkshakes, okay?

Deal.

(BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY)

You know you can talk to me.

Right?

About anything.

I don't want to keep each other in the dark, like Ethan and Mac, no matter how noble our intentions are.

Just...

Just trying to let you go a little, you know.

Let you grow up.

(TAKES DEEP BREATH)

You know, it's hard.

It's really hard.

(SNIFFLES)

You know, like, Malivore's...

- (CHUCKLES)

: ...way easier.

- (LAUGHS)

Oh, man.

On that note...

I, uh...

I'm gonna head back to the school.

Or you could stay for dinner.

Aunt Elena's gonna be home soon from her shift, and she's planning on making some old Salvatore family recipe.

- (LAUGHS)

- (CHUCKLES)

Plus, there's still stuff for us to talk about.

Yeah?

Like wh-what?

Um...

I know I make it seem like everything's perfect at Mystic Falls, but, um...

There's this girl at school.

It's... it's complicated.

Yeah.

Well, in that case, Malivore can wait.

Besides, the last person I want giving you relationship advice is Damon.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

- (GROANS)

- ♪ A heart that's scorned ♪ ♪ A new love born ♪ ♪ Thought I had it under control, yeah ♪ ♪ Thought I had it under control... ♪

CLEO: Why are we going the long way home?

KALEB: It'll be worth it.

Watching the stars in the Falls is...

magic, like you.

♪ When I knew I had to let it go ♪

Plus, I want to stop and check in on MG.

You miss him so much already?

I can't help it.

(CHUCKLES)

MG's my guy.

No matter how much he pissed me off.

And if Hope and Lizzie can mend fences, no reason why we can't.

Do all Malivore monsters provide this level of emotional insight?

(CHUCKLES): Now that I think about it, yeah.

'Cause I just can't stop thinking about him being alone at this new school

- with no new friends except Jo, and...

- ETHAN: Go deep!

I said go deep.

Come on, man.

My arm's not that washed up.

All right.

♪ Da, da, di, da, da ♪ ♪ Da, di, da, da ♪

ETHAN: You should've had that.

♪ Da, di, da, da ♪ I quite enjoy the Falls.

Come with me.

I know a shortcut.

MG: Usain Bolt wouldn't have had that.

And he's nowhere near as fast as you.

And how freaking sweet is that?

Dude, come on.

You got to keep it down, E.

♪ Baby, a fool ♪ Our secret, right?

Let's go.

(OWL HOOTING)

HOPE: What do you think you're doing?

And don't you dare say jogging.

I'm looking for the portal.

I figured the monster was taking Cleo to it, and that if I could find it, you might be able to finally chill.

I'm admittedly bad at chill.

Same.

Maybe we can work on it together?

Landon and I are gonna watch a movie tonight.

What happened to being brutally honest?

You don't want a third wheel.

Remember that time I said I was working on myself?

I don't know.

Because as much as we may share in common, there's something we don't.

Your going to extremes got you what you wanted.

But Josie isn't here for me.

And as much as I try to be tough like you...

I just... miss her.

Well, we can make popcorn.

What movie are we watching?

Gremlins.

- Ugh.

Yep.

- (LAUGHS)

Landon is back, all right.

HOPE: Any luck with the portal?

LIZZIE: No.

I have no idea where the monsters are coming from.

Hopefully they'll just stop.

♪ ♪ This is an unexpected visit.

Your bourbon's better than mine.

Well, you better make it a double, 'cause I'm way ahead of you.

Actually, you're not.

You found out what the artifact is.

No.

But I have seen it before.

- Is that...

- Albert Einstein.

Look at his bookshelf.

I'll be damned.

At least he's one of the good guys, right?

If you overlook the atomic b*mb.

These two, on the other hand...

far more questionable.

ALARIC: Rasputin.

And Napoleon Bonaparte.

I'm gonna go with "cause for concern."