03x01 - Chicago

[bunniefuu]

♪ Swear I'll change that light bulb ♪

♪ When I've read The Dharma Bums ♪ Jesus! Ugh!

♪ Buy you Springsteen tickets on a day that never comes... ♪

I just bought these.

Really? How did this happen?

Ooh!

Ooh!

Seriously?

I'm bigger.

I'm a big lady, man.

Okay. It's okay.

You fit me?

Not bad. No!

Mm.

Did my boobs just get... fat?

Ugh.

Look, honey.

Before, after. Before, after.

Favorite jacket.

Who's the lucky guy?

Meet you around the corner in a half an hour.

Ugh.

Ooh!

Oh, yeah, I like that one. Our favorite.

Condoms, condoms.

Pads. Pads.

Panty liners, panty liners.

Condoms, condoms.

Oh. PMS relief.

You need, like, five of those? I'm kidding.

Condoms, condoms.

Ooh. DivaCup.

Oh.

Aw, look. Mom, I love this color.

Oh, me, too.

Ramen. Ramen.

Oh. Vaginal contraceptive foam. Mom.

Ramen.

Pregnancy tests. Plan B.

Mom? Plan B. Plan B.

Jesus, what the f*ck?

Well, you know, you could keep 'em in a bowl.

You know, for a party. You could pass 'em out like candy.

Max, I got ramen.

Oh. Advil. Benadryl.

Claritin. Emergen-C.

Motrin. Motrin.

We're probably gonna have to buy this stuff in two transactions, you know, because they have...

Meth labs, Mom. I know. Yeah. Ooh.

Ooh! Neti pot. Neti pot.

Ooh!

The competition... You got to be ready for when they open the building, baby.

Ready for what? Mom...

Mom, I-I-I just want to get a good room or, like, a-a... a good bed space.

I don't even care if the room is that great. I'd... rather have the best bed in the worst room than the worst bed in the best room.

Hey, didn't you play in that show about the lawyers in space?

Oh. Yeah, that was me.

I knew that was you. Thank you.

Listen, would you mind if you could give us a hand?

That's fine. Ugh.

Okay, we got to figure out how to get you into the dorm with all this sh*t, baby.

What if my roommates are psychos?

This is giving me so much anxiety.

I mean, what-what am I doing?

All freshmen... This is by far the scariest thing I've ever done.

But at the same time, I feel like I'm really putting myself out there and living my life.

Sort of like how a pioneer feels when they go off...

Honey! Honey!

What? What?! Honey.

Go!

Best bed in the worst room!

Hi. Hi.

Okay, well...

These things.

Oh.

Just gonna take them myself.

It's fine.

It's fine.

It's fine.

Hi. Thank you.

Can you watch my stuff for me?

I'll be right back.

Just, if you look... if you just keep an eye.

Thank you so much. I'll get you a cup of coffee.

We'll have coffee together. Thank you.

Yeah. Oh, really?

Yeah. Are you just going with her?

Oh, no, I'm...

Aw... Oh, you're not?

Hello? Oh, I got to go.

Oh, hi! Are you our neighbor?

Hi. I'm Talasco. This is my room.

Roomie!

Hi!

Okay. Oh, uh, you're in here with me. Oh, we're in here?

Sweet. Yeah, where are you from?

I'm from California.

I can see that. Oh, yeah? You like L.A. girls?

Yeah, yeah, you got that vibe. You got that vibe.

Oh, do I?

Oh, hi. Talasco. I'm the mom.

So... Don't worry. Gay. Mostly.

I'm still figuring it out.

Mm-hmm. Hmm.

Your daughter is safe.

Safe... for now.

My baby.

My baby.

You're in the world. I know.

This is the world.

Whew!

Just drink it all in.

You know, take as many classes as you can.

Ask questions. Gather your good medicine.

"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."

Goethe said that.

I want to take you to hear music.

We're in Chicago. This is crazy.

Why do we have to wait till you're 21 to go to a place?

We got to wait until you're a junior?

Mom. Hmm.

I would like to introduce you to... my fake ID.

I've had it for three years.

Oh.

That is so awesome to hear that.

I know you had one.

Yeah, but I hid it from my parents.

Plus, I had to k*ll the lady whose identity I stole.

Oh.

Okay, Tracey Cromwell, what's your address and date of birth?

47 Karucha Court, Arlington, Virginia 31425.

07/09/95.

And this works? Mom... no one ever asks you for it.

I just...

Slut bucket.

Let me see it again. Yeah?

It's pretty good.

Yeah, it's a good ID. So, we're going out.

Really? Yes!

Oh, so you're not mad?

Cheers, Tracey.

Love you. I love you.

♪ Once upon a time ♪

♪ When you were mine ♪

♪ I treated you ♪

♪ So unkind... ♪ Hey. Oh, my God.

What's going on? Hey. Oh, how are you?

I'm good. My friend Samantha. I don't know if you...

Hi.

Samantha!

Hi. What's up?

Um...

♪ You, you were the one ♪

♪ After all ♪ Oh, uh... uh...

♪ You came to me ♪ Okay, love you.

♪ You gave me your hand ♪ Have fun.

♪ So don't worry 'bout it ♪

♪ I will understand... ♪ Wait!

I want my big life This Is Us milestone moment goodbye hug.

Come on.

This Is Us. Let's go!

♪ You were the one after all ♪ Yes.

♪ Life's too short ♪

♪ It's give and it's take ♪

♪ It's not a game that you play ♪

♪ It's the love that you make ♪

♪ You were so patient ♪

♪ So kind, I recall ♪

♪ You were the one ♪

♪ After all ♪

♪ You were the one ♪

♪ After all ♪

♪ You. ♪

Would you like to do this in private, or is here okay?

Here is okay.

I will now cup my hand under your right breast.

Yes.

I will now cup my hand under your left breast.

Mm-hmm.

I will now put my hand inside your waistband.

Okay. And I will run my hand inside and around your entire waistband and search your pants.

Excuse me. Here.

Okay.

Okay. Return to the scanner.

Do you have anything in your pockets?

No.

Okay, look, I'm wearing these special underwear.

They're, like, super thick and absorbent, and kind-of-ish like a diaper.

But they're underwear.

Because...

I'm having a very heavy... very heavy late-in-life period.

So...

You're so young.

Anyway... that's my story.

So... can I just go through?

Please. Pull up your pants.

Take your stuff.

Thank you.

Pull your pants up.

Okay, I am.

Hi. What can I get you?

Hello. Um, I would like a vodka cranberry, please...

A double... and some French fries with gravy.

Great. Can I see some ID?

Serious? Mm-hmm.

Okay.

I got a kid in college.

Very cool.

'69!

I'm gonna get that for you.

I got carded.

We all did.

It's state policy.

All righty, here you go.

Thank you.

What can I get for you?

Um, get me a tequila.

Great. Uh, can I see your ID?

Sure.

Oh, my God.

I'm not reading your computer. I swear.

My face is pointed at it, but I didn't mean to read any of the texts between you and your wife.

I hope she orders the prawns.

It's okay. Feel free.

Just me and my wife figuring out when to meet up in L.A.

She had to miss this flight to return the car.

Aw. That's too bad. Mm.

So, you from Chicago, or are you going home?

No, I'm going home.

I just dropped my oldest off at college.

Oh, wow. Mm-hmm.

That's got to be hard.

No way. One down, two to go.

Oh. Well, in that case, congratulations.

And bottoms up.

Bottoms up. Cheers.

Nice ring. Oh. Thank you.

Glory days. I see you.

Don't worry.

I don't think you're a t*rror1st.

You'd be the only one on this plane.

I know who you are.

Ugh. I love you.

I remember when you were a doughnut on The Scabies Chronicles. What?

Yeah. And you were Rooster in Ching of the Mill.

Mm-hmm. I grew up in Texas.

We worshiped that show.

Oh, my God, yes. You're from Texas?

I am. We're Bollybillies. Cute.

Yeah. But we live in L.A. now.

I live with my boyfriend over there.

Are you reading a new script or something?

Um, yeah, um, it's called Monsters in the Moonlight.

It's, like, a movie I'm doing. Oh, okay.

Yeah, it's gonna be something.

I don't even know. Do you smell that?

I-I didn't know there was a meal on this flight.

Oh, they're probably heating up cookies or something.

Get me a fire extinguisher now.

Jesus Christ. sh*t.

Oh, my.

The f*ck...?

Hi. I'm Debra.

I have two sons, and...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We're not doing that.

You're fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's okay.

Hey, Cookie.

Hey, Gumball.

I wanted two sons, just like Debra there.

I don't know. There's something about two boys playing rough in the yard that makes me smile.

It's probably why I was so hard on your brother.

He wasn't like that. But you... oh, you were.

Oh, you always got into the hurly burly.

Hey, Dad. Do you mind?

This plane is, like, on fire and sh*t.

Eh, you'll be all right. Could be worse.

Besides, you've had some real sh*t thrown your way.

This? It's gonna be over in minutes.

Mm.

No reason to panic. Get a drink.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are gonna make an emergency landing in St. Louis.

We apologize for the inconvenience and ask that you please remain calm and in your seats with your seat belts fastened.

The captain has everything under control.

Doesn't seem under control.

That's the truth.

At least they're not taking our drinks.

Debra, drink your wine.

Yeah, it was, uh, like, a heating component or something.

Uh, it ignited?

Oh, my God, so scary. They're giving us, like, free vouchers for a martini, uh, on... uh, in the airport, and I just don't want you to tell the girls, 'cause I don't want them to get scared, okay?

I won't say a word, and of course, I'll stay with them.

I love you.

Oof. Hey, you're not going anywhere until you and me have drinks.

I mean, they gave us vouchers for not dying?

I know.

Anyone need a change of underwear?

Yes, please.

Oh, my God.

Hey.

Hello?

Oh, hi. Hi!

Hi, Phil.

Hello.

Are you okay?

I was, before you barged in so rudely.

What happened to your car?

Hmm?

Your car, in the driveway?

The front is all smashed up?

Oh, is there a nick?

It looks like you hit a moose.

I don't know why you're asking me about it.

Perhaps you should speak to Max.

Max is in Chicago.

Since when?

Phil, dude.

Uh...

All right, then.

You have fun with your cards.

Night, Phil. Night.

Bye.

Bye. Bye-bye.

Why do they always come for the car first?

I'm more likely to slip in the shower.

It's a power play. They need you to depend on them.

That one's got enough dependents already.

Mm. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Six of hearts.

Eight of hearts. Uh-huh? King of hearts.

Ah!

Ace of hearts from the dummy.

That's my partner, that's my partner.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm talking about.

Spirit, spirit, spirit.

Spirit, spirit, spirit.

Spirit, spirit, spirit.

Close your eyes. It's just me, Grandpa.

Go to bed.

Hi.

I'm home.

Oh. Hi.

Who are you?

Oh, uh, I'm Jaxson. Jordan.

Okay. Why are you in my house?

Where are my kids?

Have you seen a big, giant, handsome gay man lurking around?

Wait. Who's your kid? Frankie.

Uh, yeah. I don't know where she is.

Did you get Pinkberry?

Frankie said she texted you to get Pinkberry.

No.

You get Pinkberry?

I like tart with cookie crisps.

Come here.

Baby's asleep.

Good. Where's Frankie? Her room.

Honey, are you okay? Do you need me?

No, I'm okay.

I-I really am.

Okay, then. Okay.

May I please be excused?

Because I'm keeping my boyfriend waiting.

Cute. Mm. Okay. You good?

Yeah, go. Thank you a million. I love you.

I love you, too. Call me if you need me.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

No, exactly.

That's what I meant.

Yes. Definitely.

Okay, yep.

What's up, bro?

Whassup?

And how was Chicago?

I've been watching Max's stories.

Good. Thank you for asking.

There's about 40 people downstairs.

What are you doing?

You have to go to sleep.

I can't. I have too much work to do.

I have to finish reading the first act of a play by tomorrow.

Well, how much of it have you read?

I didn't even start it yet.

I haven't read it.

Wait, what?

It's a play, Mom. I can't do it.

I can't concentrate.

My God, that's because your people are fighting a mass generational heroin addiction, death of focus, self-soothing because of these things.

Can you read it to me?

Seriously, Frankie?

Dude, I'm exhausted.

If I told you what my day was like, okay?

In the first place, my plane...

I don't even know how to tell you... Forget it, Mom.

Just forget it.

Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll, um...

I'll j... I'll... read one scene out loud, and then you read one scene out loud, and we go back and forth until we finish the first act, okay?

We just get it down our necks. Mm?

A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry.

I never read this.

"Act One.

The Younger living room would be a comfortable and well-ordered room if it were not for a number of indestructible contradictions to this state of being.

Its furnishings are typical and undistinguished, and their primary feature now is that they have clearly had to accommodate the living of too many people for too many years, and they are tired."

Sounds like ours.

Yeah. You get it?

Like, the-the chairs are tired?

"Still, we can see that, at some time, a time probably no longer remembered by the family... except perhaps for Mama... the furnishings of this room were actually selected with care and love and even hope, and brought to this apartment and arranged with taste and pride."

"That was a long time ago.

Now the once-loved pattern of the couch upholstery has to fight to show itself from under acres of crocheted doilies and couch covers which have themselves finally come to be more important than the upholstery.

And here, a table or a chair has been moved to disguise the worn places in the carpet.

But the carpet has fought back by showing its weariness.

A depressing uniformity elsewhere on its surface."

"Weariness has, in fact, won this room.

Everything has been polished, washed, sat on, used, scrubbed too often."