03x10 - All's Well That Ends Well

[bunniefuu]

♪ Oh!

♪ _ ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪ Hey, I forgot my ID.

Could you hook me up with some beer?

Get out of here, kid.

♪ Don't lie, baby, I know what you're thinking ♪

(ENTRY BELLS JINGLE)

♪ Can't hide 'cause I got that intuition ♪

♪ I see you looking at me, I know you want to break free ♪ ♪ It's just a matter of time before we hit the ground ♪ ♪ I think that you would agree it's written on the marquee ♪ ♪ It's just a matter of time before you lose control ♪ ♪ Let it go ♪ ♪ It's all right ♪ ♪ B-Baby, put the g*n away...

♪ Oh.

(LAUGHS)

Were y'all using these?

My bad.

Listen, I think we need to have a talk about civic responsibilities.

♪ Yeah, yeah, baby, don't you run away.

♪ (GARBLED RADIO TRANSMISSION)

What do you think you're doing?

Turning ourselves in for armed robbery.

And after serving our sentences, we're going to devote our lives to community service.

(SIREN TOOTS, WAILS)

(LAUGHS)

♪ ♪ (BIRDS SINGING)

(HUMMING)

What is that sound?

I'm humming.

A song.

Are you unwell?

Quite the opposite.

Everything is right in the world.

Lizzie and I are friends again, Landon's back, and I haven't seen any new monsters, which means the defensive perimeter I spelled around the school is working.

Today is going to be a good day.

I hope.

Morning, Cleo.

- Morning.

- I got tea.

See?

Scones.

Hi.

Uh, um...

Are you feeling okay?

Why does everybody keep asking me that?

Yeah, um, uh, you didn't happen to see any slugs crawling around, did you?

- No.

- No?

What is it with you guys?

Can't a girl just be happy?

Of course you can.

It's just, um...

it's just...

- Um...

it's unexpected.

- Unexpected.

No.

Nope.

Nothing is putting me in a bad mood today because today is the day that I figure out the one thing we have left to worry about...

why the monsters are still coming.

How are we gonna figure that out?

Well, you are gonna help Dr.

Saltzman with research while Cleo and I are going to get some quality roomie time.

Lizzie.

What are you doing here?

You scared me.

You forgot your sweater.

I thought you might need it after the ice-cold way that you violated twin code.

- Oh, here we go.

- You have a crush, and you told our father before telling me.

'Cause it's already over.

I made things weird and I can't un-weird them.

That's because, sweetie... and I love you...

but you have zero game.

What you do have, however, is a sister with magical powers and an encyclopedic knowledge of every Rom-com ever.

I'm here to help.

No, Lizzie.

I beg of you, please, let me fix this on my own.

Finch is a completely normal human.

I want to fix this the regular way, without magic.

Just promise me.

DORIAN: Lizzie.

So great to see you.

What's up?

We have a monster problem?

Oh, it is way worse, Mr.

Williams.

We have an angsty, teenage, high school, impossible crush problem.

Right, right, that, uh...

that-that is worse, and, um...

(CLEARS THROAT)

thankfully, not my department.

So best of luck to you both.

That's actually totally okay, 'cause Lizzie was just leaving.

- Everything alone.

- Mm.

Right, Lizzie?

Perfect.

Awesome.

- Love you.

- Uh...

Invisique.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Well, well, well.

Heard you might've had a late night doing totally normal, completely unheroic things.

Um...

keep it down, E.

What are we doing next?

Any leads?

Um...

I was thinking we could just lay low.

But yesterday was awesome.

I want to do it again.

And this way you won't have to compel people all the time.

You can keep your identity a secret.

You'll look...

- Blur-some.

- Mm-hmm.

First of all, do not ever say that terrible superhero name to me ever again.

Second, we just got lucky last night.

Mystic Falls barely has one robbery a decade.

Yeah, that we know about.

My mom's old police scanner.

I figure, if I'm your human sidekick, the least I can do is help you find our next case.

Do you want to skip P.E.

and bring down Mystic Falls' vast underworld of petty criminals?

Or am I the only one that had fun yesterday?

Yeah, you're right.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

Thanks.

So... you're back.

Yeah.

All that drama at my old school is completely done.

I'm just focusing on the now.

Making myself open and available to anything or, you know, whatever.

Does that whatever include staying on campus for lunch?

I'd love that.

I'll be there.

Here.

(LAUGHS)

For lunch.

Yeah.

Then maybe I'll see you.

Yeah, cool.

LIZZIE: I totally get it.

She's hot. Lizzie?

LIZZIE: I told you that you needed my help.

(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHS)

Stop it.

(LAUGHS)

You knocked away my books?

It's called a "meet-cute," my young Padawan, Rom-com .

And step one is now officially complete.

Well, what's step number two?

Don't look so worried, and I'll be happy to tell you.

(GROANS)

Stand up straight.

Chin up.

There.

Much better.

(GROANS, SIGHS)

You're gonna get the girl for sure.

This is so cool.

You said Rasputin, Napoleon and Einstein all held this thing?

And Queen Elizabeth I.

What?

How far back does this go?

That's what we have to find out.

Monsters started appearing after Hope opened it, so my theory is, they're connected.

But first we just have to figure out where it originated.

Um, Dr. Saltzman, not that I'm not thrilled to be on Team Library.

I am...

it's nice to be useful, especially since I can't even be monster bait anymore...

but it kind of feels like a vampire would be able to look through these books a lot faster than me.

Maybe I just like your company.

Mm-hmm.

So why the crossbow?

Okay.

Hope asked me to keep an eye on you and make sure you're safe while she's testing out her new theory.

What theory?

This was your great idea?

Consider it a brainstorming session...

with Brie.

(CHUCKLES): I must say, you seem rather relaxed about our lives being in danger.

Perhaps if you had been the one at the bottom of that well...

Actually, that was sort of what I wanted to talk to you about.

We've been assuming that the gremlin just happened to grab you, but what if it wasn't random?

What if you're what Malivore wants?

- Why would he want me?

- No clue.

Next step would be testing my theory.

Hmm, and how would we test that?

Well, first we'd have to use you as bait to see if it would happen again, if you're willing, that is.

But don't worry, I'd be there to keep you safe the whole time.

We'd just have to lower the perimeter spells and pretend like we're having a good time.

You know, sort of like...

What we are doing right now.

Don't be mad, we can totally stop.

I just figured you might need a little bit of a push.

And if we can get a talking monster, we might actually get some answers.

What do you say?

You lead me into very strange situations, Hope Mikaelson.

Fine.

But why a picnic?

I mean, I figured if one of us is gonna be used as bait, we might as well enjoy it.

Besides, not all the monsters are that bad.

One of them was even sort of...

whimsical.

(WIND WHOOSHING)

(TWIGS SNAPPING)

That didn't take long.

Here.

This one doesn't feel very whimsical.

(WIND WHOOSHING, WHISTLING)

It might not be as bad as it seems.

(LOUD, UNEARTHLY SCREAM)

Probably as bad as it seems.

Corrupan vinea.

Foolish girls.

(SCREAMING)

Oo Ni Le soro.

(SCREAMING STOPS)

(MUFFLED GRUNTING)

Good thing you were here to keep me safe.

At least we know the monsters are definitely after you.

Now we just have to find out why.

LANDON: What's with the lights?

She's a walking horror movie.

That's awesome.

What is she?

Besides some creepy chick putting a damper on my positivity, no clue.

Either way, I owe Gaby some money.

I had a wendigo in the monster pool.

ALARIC: Rookie mistake.

It's never a wendigo.

But we still should be able to get answers.

She talks, right?

Not exactly.

CLEO: I recommend covering your ears.

(SCREAMING)

LANDON: Dr. S, I think, I think she's...

A banshee.

LANDON: Okay, well, how do we get answers out of a banshee without our brains melting?

Don't know.

Until we figure that out, she's not going anywhere.

Well, we have all the time in the world, right?

LIZZIE: I'm sure you're wondering what happens next. Step two: you need to sneak out of a bad party together.

I call this the "You want to get out of here?" moment.

That's really specific.

Step three.

We can skip this one.

It involves a missing pet or some sort of non-life-threatening emergency.

But step four, this is where the real fireworks happen.

The spontaneous life highlight.

I'm talking night swimming.

I'm talking impromptu road trip.

I'm talking...

DORIAN: Moonlit dance in the parking lot during an actual school dance.

I thought you said this wasn't your department.

They're painting my office.

At least someone gets it.

If we can just get to step four, it's a*t*matic.

She will have no choice but to fall for you.

Well, I don't want to manipulate Finch.

I want her to actually like me.

Never gonna happen.

Why not?

'Cause that would require you to actually sh**t your sh*t.

Well, then, I'll ask her out on a real date.

Tonight.

(SCOFFS)

(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

Alternate step two: extroverted sister provokes introverted sister out of her comfort zone.

Our little secret.

It's good.

(PANTING, GRUNTING SOFTLY)

Do werewolves just work out anywhere?

(CHUCKLES): No.

I just came up here 'cause the gym was occupied by...

whatever that thing is.

She is a banshee, or so I am told.

Well, I just lost bucks.

Totally had wendigo.

Apparently, it's never a wendigo.

I wouldn't know.

I've been relegated to the Junior Squad ever since I...

Hurt MG?

- I heard.

- Yeah.

Everyone has.

I keep thinking I'll find a way to make it up to all them.

And you will.

Why are you up here?

I am supposed to be researching how to allow the banshee to speak without using her mouth, but...

I just found out that the monsters are coming here because of me.

I needed a moment to process that.

Because if you can't get the monster to talk, you can't figure out why they... want you.

(SNAPS FINGERS)

Are you all right?

Something just came over me.

I think I know how we can solve both our problems at the same time.

(STATIC CRACKLING)

All the good stuff must happen at night, right?

(CHUCKLES)

(TURNS RADIO OFF)

You know what this mission needs?

Snacks.

Every stakeout involves cheap snacks and coffee.

Ethan...

I dig the enthusiasm.

I really do.

But, you know, we can just hang out without it having to be a mission.

Except now I know that superhuman vampires exist.

It's pretty hard to go back to normal life after that.

I mean, think about it.

If you exist, then what else is out there?

Maybe there's an evil version of you.

A superpowered bad guy just waiting to att*ck and your destinies are bound to intersect, so whenever he or she shows up, we have to be ready.

Well, until they do...

I'm gonna head to class.

Cool.

I'll just, uh, let you know if I hear anything.

Are you sure you don't want to come with?

Yeah.

After everything else that's happened this year, it's...

it's just nice to have something to care about.

You know?

Okay, so what kind of, uh, stakeout snacks are we talking about here?

HOPE: I know that look. Why don't you just tell me what's wrong?

Because you're in a good mood.

Let me guess.

A banshee can only be stopped with a certain enchanted blah, blah, blah from the mountains of blah, blah, blah.

Look, we always find a way to stop the monster.

I'm sure I can handle it.

According to Irish mythology, the banshee is a harbinger.

Whenever they appear, death is not far behind.

Okay, that just means that death could be coming for anybody in Mystic Falls.

(CHUCKLES)

And when has that ever been our luck?

Hope, we have to prepare ourselves for the very real possibility that she may say something to us we don't want to hear.

JED: Dr. Saltzman?

Cleo and I know how to get this monster to talk.

Here's the spell.

Alias Vocem. It allows one to speak through another as a conduit, without being able to burst our eardrums.

It's brilliant.

You thought of this?

Yeah, I know, right?

Oh, but I know what's missing!

Wait, wait.

You all right?

Ask me in a few moments.

Hope, we're ready.

I found it.

Blue Calamus.

Josie told me it's basically a truth weed.

If we give it to Jed, the banshee can't lie to us.

Well done, Team Library.

There's not much time till the full moon.

When Jed turns, we don't want a monster in his head.

Yeah.

Well, now we just need something of hers.

- (SOFT WHOOSHING)

- (GRUNTS)

(GROWLS SOFTLY)

Vauntidictus calimus vox.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Ah.

Clever girl.

Trapping my voice in a body that cannot scream.

HOPE: Or lie.

Now we can have a civilized conversation.

Are you sure you want to hear what I have to say?

Why are you here?

JED: Malivore promised me freedom from the darkness in exchange for bringing him that girl.

And why does he want her?

(JED CHUCKLES)

You are forcing me to tell the truth...

but that does not mean I have to answer.

This is not the question that troubles you.

Go on, little girl.

Ask what you really wish to know.

Who's gonna die?

There are many possible roads.

But one is clearer than the others.

If she stays here...

he dies.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Wow, tea twice in one day.

Hope, can we talk about...

There's no need to.

It's not happening.

No one's dying today.

The banshee does not agree.

I know you're new here, but there's always a loophole, okay?

It's basically our school motto.

We'll find it.

Mm.

If you are so confidant, then why did you spell Landon into his room?

I think it is time that we talked.

(QUIET CHATTER)

- Oh.

- I've been working on some new stuff.

- You made it.

You guys, this is Josie.

- I know that there's been weird energy between us since the first moment I saw you.

And then things got weirder when I bailed on you.

But it's not because I'm not into you, because I am into you, I'm just cautious, because I usually mess things like this up and I really don't want to mess this up.

And you're hot, okay?

And worse, you're also really cool, and that's scary, because I think that if we became a thing, it would be...

a thing.

But I like you.

I like you in a way that I haven't liked somebody in a really long time.

So I think that we should give this a sh*t.

So, do you, maybe, want to hang out...

tonight?

I...

can't tonight.

Got plans.

Uh, yeah.

That's totally understandable.

Um, short notice.

Uh, tomorrow night, then, maybe?

Tomorrow might be bad, too.

Sorry.

CLEO: For a long time, I searched for a place like this.

A place to call home.

But I cannot be the reason that trouble comes into your lives.

- Which is why I need to go.

- You don't have to.

The monsters are always coming after someone.

We've never made anyone leave because of it.

But is that what you want?

Be honest.

Would you be happier if I left?

Yes.

I didn't mean that.

You did.

Because truth weed can also be used to make tea.

No.

She said she had plans, which didn't even involve coming up with a good excuse.

Obviously just means that...

She's seeing someone else.

(SIGHS)

You were right.

I waited too long.

Or we're just in a slightly different Rom-com now, the "steal her back from less worthy competition" story.

Don't worry, it's a total classic, and there's usually a really great music moment, so...

Lizzie.

I know.

(SIGHS)

You wanted to do this the "natural way." Actually, I kind of just want to know who she's seeing and if it's serious.

So you mean, like, if someone could do some magic?

Invisible spying?

Go home.

I'll find out how serious it is.

(SIGHS)

I think I know how I can help you.

Legend says that a banshee is a demon drawn to inconsolable grief.

That they seek out women who've d*ed of a broken heart and possess them.

The person that you once were is still in there.

You are not this thing.

Tell us why he wants Cleo, and we will find a way to set you free.

JED: It's no use trying to talk to the human woman.

She won't believe you.

After her child was taken, no one could tell her what happened to it.

No one could heal the hole in her heart.

She was abandoned by everyone...

her village, her husband.

They couldn't stand to hear her cries.

They fled from her grief.

That's when I found her.

She knows you will be no different than anyone else.

Humans run from grief like a sickness...

afraid that it will spread, that they will catch it.

Oh, it is their nature.

I'm not like everyone else.

But you are out of time.

The full moon rises...

and this body is about to turn.

I've never felt such strength.

(SHOUTS)

HOPE: Cleo left.

I tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen.

What's going on?

We need to unlink Jed from the banshee before he turns.

- Pondas. - (GRUNTS)

Hope, what's wrong?

I just need to know.

Now that Cleo's gone, is Landon safe?

- JED: No.

- Don't listen to her.

I am bound to tell the truth, remember?

I was not sent to capture Cleo.

I was sent to drive her away from your protection.

One road darkens, the other grows clearer.

Cleo dies, too.

(SHOUTS, GRUNTS)

(PANTING)

LANDON: Where you going?

HOPE: Cleo cloaked herself from my locator spell, so I'm gonna have to find her the old-fashioned way.

And before you try to stop me, I just wanted to say that I'm...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that it apparently always has to be this way for us.

We can never just be happy.

But I can't let her die when I'm the one that sent her away.

I know.

I think you'll want these when you find her.

A bag of clothes?

You don't need a locator spell.

You're a wolf.

- (SNARLING, YELLING)

- Hold on, we're almost there!

(BONES CRACKING)

Dr. Saltzman...

when she was inside my head, making me do things...

(SCREAMS)

All right, let's just worry about you right now, okay, Jed?

(YELLS)

I think I saw something.

A memory.

I-I think I know her name.

(LOW GROWL)

DISPATCHER (OVER RADIO): Nearby units, - .

Possible alarm trip at Mystic Falls High.

DEPUTY: Uh, copy that.

Probably a false alarm.

Happens about once a month.

- ETHAN: It's go time.

- Hey, hold on, hold on.

You heard them.

They said it's probably a false alarm.

Or it's what I've been talking about.

Another powerful creature.

I've seen my mom's files.

Our high school has a weird history of unexplained events.

Then I'll go.

I'm sorry, but you said it yourself.

You're just a human sidekick.

(BONES CRACKING)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANING)

(QUIET HISS)

Who's there?

I can smell you.

(GRUNTING)

LIZZIE: Invisique saeclum. I-I'm sorry.

I didn't know that you were a werewolf.

I thought...

- Who are you?

- Uh, it's complicated.

(BONES CRACKING, GRUNTING)

You came here to turn.

I'll help you.

No.

Run!

(LOW GROWLING)

(SNARLS)

(DOOR BANGING)

(GASPS)

Please tell me Dorian has at least one magical object in this...

Very funny.

(SNARLING RECEDES IN DISTANCE)

(GASPS)

- Lizzie?

- What the hell are you doing here?

I was able to lure it away.

Werewolves are always gonna chase vampires first.

You have to get out of here.

We're getting out of here.

You take the back exit.

I'll lure it out the front.

MG, I...

Go.

(LOW GROWLING)

I know your instincts are telling you to bite me right now, but you can fight it.

♪ ♪ We don't have to hurt each other.

(VICIOUS SNARLING)

(BOTH PANTING)

Not bad for a sidekick, huh?

(WOLF HOWLING IN DISTANCE)

♪ ♪ I know who you were before you d*ed.

Kaelan.

My Old Irish is a little rusty, but this is from the Clan Kinelarty.

From the year .

Very good, but you're too late.

(SHRIEKING)

I know what happened to your son!

(SHRIEKING STOPS)

What did you say?

Your son.

Drystan.

The one they took from you.

Don't listen to him.

He's lying!

How old was he when the English took him from you to fight in their wars?

?

?

And you never knew what happened to him.

No, don't listen!

He survived.

He survived the battle.

Tell me!

There was a survey done in England years later called the Domesday Book.

He's here.

Living in a small village.

Drystan...

Kinelarty.

He lived a long time, too.

Look.

Just below his name, he had...

Children.

Grandchildren.

One of them was named after you.

(GASPS SOFTLY)

I'm so sorry.

I can only imagine if somebody took my child and I never knew what happened to them.

They shouldn't have left you to grieve like that.

No one should have to grieve alone like that.

(WAILING)

Thank you.

You can sleep now.

I know why Malivore wants Cleo.

(NEARBY GROWLING)

(RUSTLING)

(LOW GROWLING)

(GROWLING)

(BARKING)

You just gave me a w*apon, buddy.

(CLEO MOANING)

Hope, thank you.

Like I said, nobody's dying today.

Let's get you home.

I suppose it was a good thing you were there to keep me safe.

After I put you in danger.

Look, what I said before.

It was true that was how I felt, but it's not the whole truth.

I know I've been distracted and-and not in the best of moods since you got here, but that has nothing to do with you.

Because the truth is that you are a kind and brilliant badass, and I'm lucky to have you as my friend.

As far as I'm concerned, this is your home.

No matter what.

Even if it brings danger?

We're kind of used to that around here.

And what of that creature?

It must be working for Malivore.

Our monster problem is multiplying.

Why do you think it ran away?

I don't know, but...

something about it felt familiar.

Almost like I've fought it before.

("SKIN AND BONES" BY CAGE THE ELEPHANT PLAYING)

(OWL HOOTING)

Werewolves.

Who knew, right?

I did kind of call it.

I mean, it was no supervillain, but...

that thing was pretty scary either way.

I get why you wanted me to stay behind.

I'd be dead if you had.

And then I never would've saw this sweet hero base

- you've been working on.

- (CHUCKLES)

That's what sidekicks are for, right?

♪ Oh, the sidewalks shimmer just like diamonds... ♪ Actually...

you're not really sidekick material, E.

But I'm gonna need you to go ahead and make another one of those janky masks.

I have a feeling you're gonna need it.

Partner.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm gonna need a superhero name.

Now I will handle the hero names, all right?

(LAUGHS): Okay.

Uh, first things first, partner.

What are we gonna do about...

her?

("THE LAST MAN ON EARTH" BY WOLF ALICE PLAYING)

♪ Who are you to ask for anything more? ♪ That bad, huh?

♪ Do you wait for your dancing lessons to be sent from God? ♪ Finch is...

seeing somebody else.

And it's really serious.

I'm afraid you'd just get your heart broken.

That's okay.

You just saved me months of spiraling.

♪ When it comes to love... ♪ But I should've let you find out on your own.

♪ What you do ain't enough... ♪ I'm sorry.

I guess I just felt like maybe you... didn't need me anymore.

Believe me, I know the feeling.

♪ And every book you take ♪ ♪ And you dust off from the shelf... ♪

Does twin code say anything against cuddling after one twin has moved out?

It's encouraged, actually.

♪ That you read about yourself ♪ ♪ But does a light shine on you? ♪

HOPE: So much for this being a good day.

There's still another monster out there, and I'm gonna get zero sleep worrying that what the banshee said is gonna come true.

All's well that ends well.

Easy for Shakespeare to say.

He's dead.

The rest of us actually have to work to be positive.

Now I feel so much pressure, you know?

Like I have to be happy no matter what.

Like, I'm afraid that if...

The happiness went away, it might never come back?

But it will.

I promise.

♪ The thing you should be asking... ♪

We just have to find the moments of happiness between the monsters.

♪ ♪ And screw fate, you know?

Screw fate.

(GROANS SOFTLY)

(GROANING)

Dr. Saltzman told me what happened.

Your plan worked.

Seriously?

You underestimate yourself.

Because of you, the banshee found peace.

And you have reclaimed your rightful place in the Squad.

Thanks for believing in me.

When you were inside her mind, did you discover why Malivore wants me?

Not right away.

It was kind of hazy.

I didn't understand what it meant, but now I think I get it.

Because I have literally never had a genius monster-hunting idea until I was standing next to you.

This part of the job I did not miss.

To Kaelan.

And now... it's your turn with this thing.

Oh, you still don't know where it came from, huh?

No, but today's still a win.

We know why Malivore's after Cleo.

She's a Muse.

A Muse?

Like inspiration muse?

A witch who's the seventh daughter of a seventh daughter has a special magical power, the power...

of inspiration.

Why does Malivore need inspiration?

He has a problem he needs to solve.

If I had to guess, he's looking for a way out of the prison world.

(WIND WHOOSHING)

(ECHOING EXHALE)

♪ ♪