07x05 - The Last Unicorn

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Younger"...

I just went through a really bad breakup, and I don't know if I could or should jump back into bed with somebody.

What do you think about a fall release?

We'd have to move quickly, though.

Oh, good.

I love moving quickly.

What is happening?

Are things really over between you and Charles?

He's...

free to do whatever he wants.

Thanks, Liza.

I just never thought you'd be someone's rebound.

When an employee doesn't get along with the boss's new girlfriend, guess who's out?

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

- Hey.

- BOTH: Hi.

Hey, baby girl.

Aw, thanks for taking her on short notice.

Yes, of course.

We got a light day today, so we're good.

So, Clare, how is life with the real estate mogul?

You mean Rob.

And he's hardly a mogul.

- And we split up, so...

- What?

- When did that happen?

- [SIGHS]

Just last week.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry.

Are you okay?

You didn't wanna say anything to me?

- You know you can still talk to me, right?

- [COOS]

I'm still your...

- Baby daddy.

- Yeah, I'm...

yeah.

- Yeah.

- Mm-hmm.

[LAUGHS]

Thanks, but I'm fine.

He's a great guy, we're just, you know, in different places.

Yes, I'm even boring myself with all this.

- Okay.

- [LAUGHS]

Bye, baby.

Bye.

Bye.

Go kick some ass today, Mommy.

[SIGHS]

God, that has to be so hard.

Dating as a single mom?

We should take her out to brunch.

Oh, Kelsey, brunch is your answer to everything.

Do you think she really wants to unload on us?

Just make it a tea.

It's less of a commitment.

Yeah, I think she'd love that.

- [CELL PHONE DINGS]

- [GASPS]

Oh, no.

No, no.

No, no.

- This is...

this...

this is bad.

- Wait.

What is happening?

- Use your words.

- Okay, I gotta get to Liza's.

Kels, bring my galleys to Empirical.

I am not your assistant.

- [DOOR CLICKS SHUT]

- [LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

- Good morning, beauty!

- Lauren, what...

why?

- Maggie!

- Uh-uh, nope.

I sent her on a bagel run.

You're gonna need some carbs.

[SIGHS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

_ ♪ ♪ Okay.

Yeah, you're looking at me like I'm the jittery waxer who just ripped off your perineum, and that's fine, okay?

Quinn is coming in to review the marketing plan for "The F Word" at : .

And you can either find out when she saunters in wearing one of his wrinkled shirts as a mini dress, or you can find out from a friend.

I came as soon as I heard.

Thanks, friend.

[DOOR CLICKS OPEN AND SHUT]

FedEx just dropped off his-and-her "Gatsby" costumes.

[SIGHS]

Those are mine.

My friend Michelle's Roaring ' s anniversary party is tonight.

- Oh, sh*t.

- His and hers?

Charles was supposed to come, but I guess I'll just be hanging solo in a room full of judgmental couples.

Liza, no, no, no, no, no.

Say no more.

I'm gonna call my friend Stefanos, okay?

He staffs bartenders, cater waiters, the hottest men you've ever seen.

Now most of them are Kinsey- gay, but they will definitely give you the old grope-a-dope in front of your PTA friends if you tip generously.

Lauren, are these sex workers or waiters?

Yes, they are.

[LAUGHS]

I'm good.

♪ It's about to go down ♪ ♪ It's about to get loud ♪ ♪ It's about to go down ♪

Thank you all so much for pulling this together so quickly.

I really wanna get it out as soon as possible.

Ooh, can I read them the new ending?

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

- Oh, I'm not sure that...

- He inspired it.

He made a joke that he was my consolation prize after the whole senate debacle.

Here, listen to this.

Um, why don't we save it for the copy edits?

Aw, he's so shy.

♪ ♪ The gentlest warriors always carry the biggest swords.

So...

[LAUGHING CRAZILY]

Liza.

"Claw" would've been a much better book if I had listened to your notes.

So I'm listening now.

I'd be happy to.

Uh, we have some more editorial notes to review, but why don't we do that in my office?

Of course.

And thanks, Liza.

[QUIETLY]

You're so welcome.

You handled that so much better than I would if someone was talking about my ex's sword in a meeting.

You do not have to read that book.

[HEAVY THUD]

- Oh, no.

- [SIGHS]

It's well written.

I mean, even if a lot of it sounds like bullshit.

Well, it's a book about failure written by billionaire.

Of course it's bullshit.

But these stories that she tells...

[LAUGHS]

They sound phony.

I mean, is anyone really going to believe that Pope Benedict consulted her about admitting female clergy?

Well, Charles is editing the book.

Maybe we just let him worry about it.

Yeah, but he's not seeing things clearly because they're...

whatever they are.

Okay, he's not seeing things clearly?

This has nothing to do with us.

Naomi Wolf's last book got canceled when they found out that it was full of factual errors.

Her publisher lost a ton of money.

Quinn has already hired a third-party fact checker.

And she's never forged anything before, has she?

Are we just going to sit by while the woman who almost bankrupted our company once and besmirched our reputation threatens to do it again?

[SIGHS]

Okay.

Liza, I want you to know that I recognize your passion, okay?

- I respect it, and I fear it.

- Okay, ignore her.

Ignore this, okay?

It's Charles's problem now, not yours.

[SIGHS]

Okay.

[LIGHT MUSIC]

And this story about Elizabeth Warren telling Quinn she's one of the good billionaires is both politically volatile and provably inaccurate.

Elizabeth Warren categorically says the existence of billionaires is immoral.

Also...

Liza.

I need to apologize to you for what happened in the meeting.

I can't imagine a worse way for you to find that out.

I'd already seen it in "Page Six." That's definitely worse.

- I'm sorry...

- You know what?

It's none of my business.

Let's just keep it to the book.

Why don't I just fact-check some of these?

You're still not sold?

Quinn is a controversial author.

People will already be dubious that she's turned over a new leaf.

Okay.

So let me know what you find.

Great.

I will report any red flags...

for the book.

I meant for the book.

I have gotta go.

I'm a late for a...

a thing.

So.

There's a chair.

[UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC]

♪ ♪ I'm honestly embarrassed that I didn't clock this Rob/Clare breakup thing.

I mean look at her Insta.

Apple picking with Rob, then Domino Park with Rob and Gemma.

Yeah, and then back on the market hard.

Did we even know that she could do the splits?

- No.

[LAUGHS]

- Hey, you guys, can someone grab my coat?

Uh, why, girl?

You naked in there?

Uh, n...

no.

- I just...

oh...

- [GASPS]

- No, no, no, no, no.

- Yes!

[GASPS]

Hello, gorgeous.

It's just a costume for a party that I maybe shouldn't even go to.

Why?

You're single again.

You need to put it on main, girl.

That's what Clare did.

- Mm-hmm.

- Let the new customers see what's on the menu and let the old ones see

- what they're missing.

- What is she talking about?

[LAUGHS]

I'll explain on the way to the elevator.

Past Charles.

No, no, I shouldn't do that.

Yeah, and he shouldn't have shown up in "Page Six" with Quinn, okay?

Sashay away.

[ROCK MUSIC]

♪ ♪ ♪ Take a load off your mind ♪ ♪ Baby, you're one of a kind ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Let your individuality be kind ♪

Bye, Charles.

Have a great weekend.

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

I'm sorry, which wave of feminism is this?

Oh, shut up and just be petty for once.

- [SIGHS]

- He's choking on his water.

- Don't look.

[SCOFFS]

- Oh.

♪ We got it, we got it, we got it ♪

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪ Liza!

[LAUGHS]

Hi.

Ooh, that dress.

- [CHUCKLES]

- I thought you were just defrauding that publishing house.

What?

Are you embezzling now too?

[LAUGHS]

I'm just kidding.

Where's Charles?

Oh, no.

Oh, you poor thing.

I knew this would happen.

I read all about his first marriage.

I did a little deep Googling.

It's just Googling on three glasses of wine.

Of course he wasn't ready to commit to anybody.

Oh, you must be devastated.

Are you devastated?

Actually, he proposed.

You said no?

I didn't want to get married again.

I don't even know if I believe in it anymore.

- It's a flawed system.

- Aw, honey.

You and I can split a bottle of chards and rail against the prison of matrimony on another night that isn't my th wedding anniversary party.

- Ooh, Denny.

- Right.

Jules!

Excuse me.

Oh!

You poor thing.

♪ ♪ [BUMPING ELECTRONIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪ [GLASS DINGING]

Hi, hi.

Excuse me.

I just wanted to take a minute as dean to welcome all of our esteemed guests and thank the artists who donated to the silent auction to benefit our scholarship fund.

- Bored?

- Yep.

- Booze?

- Yep.

So have a wonderful time, enjoy the open bar, please bid early and often, but not on that piece by Maggie Amato.

I've already made space in my den.

Thank you all so much.

[APPLAUSE]

[CHATTER]

[LIGHT PIANO MUSIC]

Hi.

♪ ♪ Um, you have your eye on anything tonight?

Sure do.

- I mean on any pieces.

- I know what you meant.

You are so stunning.

Hey, did you hear that name-drop?

You're officially queen of art prom.

Aw, the dean's just friends with my gallerist, that's all.

And whose friend is she?

[JAZZY BROADWAY MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪ Five, six, seven, eight.

And left.

And right.

And step, step, step, step.

Keep those hips square.

It's a Charleston, not a lap dance.

Hon, do you need a dance partner?

Nope, I'm good.

♪ Shout hooray and hallelu! ♪ ♪ Now me and Mr.

Wrong are through ♪ ♪ I'll find myself another beau ♪ ♪ Who I know is no rover ♪ ♪ Forget about the boy ♪ ♪ Forget about the boy ♪ ♪ Forget about the boy ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Liza Miller, is that you?

Vince?

Hi!

What?

Oh, my goodness.

It's been ages.

Carpool, ninth grade.

As soon as the girls could drive,

- I was a ghost.

- [BOTH LAUGHING]

- Vinny, you made it.

[LAUGHS]

- Hey.

Without a costume like the invitation required.

- Yeah, well...

- I will go to the costume chest.

Liza, keep an eye on him.

- [LAUGHS]

- Let's go.

I can't believe Andrea let you out of the house without a costume.

Well, Andrea has a new husband to dress.

We got a divorce a few years ago.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't know.

I've been in New York.

I know, I know.

I've heard a lot about you.

Okay, everyone, let's Lindy hop!

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

[BOTH LAUGH]

Uh, show me a few moves?

♪ ♪ They're plant-based...

oh, Maggie!

Hey, I had an ulterior motive for asking you here tonight.

Is this a lesbian speed-dating event?

- Don't leave me alone.

- [LAUGHS]

Listen, we have an open teaching position in our visual arts program,

- and you are a perfect fit.

- Wha...

me?

Really?

Yes, you, because you've got decades of experience, but you're still making vital work.

You'd mentor our students and teach them everything you've learned being a working artist in New York.

She's basically already doing that for free.

Well, then let's get her paid for it.

Come by my office next week.

- Okay.

- Great.

[ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC]

♪ ♪ What a night for Professor Amato.

- Right?

It doesn't even sound real.

- [LAUGHS]

It's like a character in a bad p*rn.

Hey, now.

Speaking of bad p*rn, I think I know how this one's gonna end.

Look, I'm catching an early train to Philly to go see KT in the morning, so...

Be good, Professor Amato.

- You got a light?

- Yeah.

You seem tense.

Yeah, well, it's not really my scene.

Me either.

These things are always super boring.

Well, then what are we still doing here?

Good question.

Coming?

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪ [JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

I didn't know that you moved to the city.

- I'm so out of the loop.

- Or nobody talks about me.

Oh, well, they definitely used to talk about you.

My book-club ladies called you "hot dad."

- Ooh.

- I pitched "Prince Vince," but they thought it was too cutesy.

Is that why Lori Champlin always "ran out of gas" at away games?

You know, she tried to kiss me at homecoming.

[GASPS]

She kissed me at book club.

So by the transitive property, we've already kissed.

But she didn't kiss you, so...

Settle down, Hot Mom.

You know, we'll get there.

♪ ♪ No one called me Hot Mom.

Well, I did just now.

Keep dancing.

Don't give up.

[LAUGHS]

[DREAMY MUSIC]

Ugh, the whole night was like a dream.

A room full of art snobs gushing over my work, and then a stranger...

I...

- but you see where this is going.

- I do, and thanks for stopping.

Well, I mean you had a great night too.

Are you gonna text Hot Dad?

Um, maybe.

I mean, it was fun seeing him and nice to know that a crush was reciprocated.

You know, sometimes that's enough.

Really?

That's enough now?

I don't know anything anymore, Maggie.

Ah, well, I got something that might be able to help with that.

My trick left me a little treat.

I don't know what it does, but it's French and it's pink.

[LAUGHS]

Well, it's : a.m.

It's a little early for recreational dr*gs, and I can't.

I have to fact-check Quinn's book.

Fact-check?

You know, I really don't understand your job.

[SIGHS]

Neither do I.

♪ I-I-I-I-I-I ♪ ♪ Like it, love it, love it ♪ ♪ I-I-I-I-I-I ♪ ♪ Like it, love it, ooh ♪ ♪ Love it! ♪

So, Aiden, you were Quinn's assistant for how long?

Uh, second assistant.

Yeah, I never made it to first.

So I wasn't, like, interacting with power players.

I was fetching her birth control.

Getting screamed at for getting the wrong kind.

Been there.

It's hard being someone's assistant.

Yeah, "Hand-Aiden," that's what she used to call me...

in front of Melinda Gates; that was fun.

Sorry, you did not come here to listen to me complain.

So, uh, what do you need to k*ll this book?

- No, no, no.

- Oh, come on.

You can't stand her.

I could tell on the phone.

- I can help.

I want to.

- I'm not...

I am just trying to verify a story from her book.

Okay.

The one about her divestment from WeWork just before they pulled their IPO.

A lot of pundits hinted that she was tipped off by someone inside and bailed.

That's a dead end.

She never wanted to invest in that cult, but the board overruled her, so she pulled out of the fund and was the only one who didn't look like an idiot when they pulled it.

So she's telling the truth?

Yeah.

Thank you, Aiden.

Yeah, but, I mean, I'm sure we can find something to take her down, or, hell, we could make something up.

- I mean look what you have...

- Thank you, Aiden.

Yeah.

[POP MUSIC]

- Happy breakup brunch, ladies.

- Yeah.

- Go ahead, Clare.

Let it all out.

- [SIGHS]

This is really nice of you guys, but I'm actually okay.

You know, it was a mature breakup.

Rob and I are at different places in our lives, and we're just, you know, we're not the right fit.

That's it.

"A mature breakup"?

- I don't know her.

- No, I know, couldn't be me,

- but good for you.

- [LAUGHS]

Well, now I feel bad.

Can we keep day drinking even though I'm not devastated?

I mean, I already paid the babysitter.

- Of course, yes, hello.

- Yeah.

Thank you, and I'm sure you're exaggerating.

How did you and Zane end things?

Oh, he dumped her over FaceTime because she got promoted above him.

- No.

- BOTH: Yes!

- Yes, .

- Okay.

Oh, my gosh.

Okay.

We're gonna...

Can we...

one more?

Thanks.

Okay, start at the beginning.

[PHONE CHATTER]

Yes, Father.

Okay, Father.

Yes, we just wanted to verify everything in her book before we go to print.

[PHONE CHATTER]

Yes, she is so great, isn't she?

Okay.

Okay.

Hail...

hail...

hail Mary.

Bye-bye.

[CELL PHONE BUZZES]

- Vince, hi.

- Hey, Hot Mom.

Oh, I don't think that name's gonna stick.

Um, how was your Saturday?

Well, not as good as my Friday, thanks to you.

So I was thinking, we're both in the city, we're both single, and I have a reservation in Soho on Monday and no one to go with.

That sounds really nice, actually, but I should be honest with you.

I'm not sure I'm ready to be someone's dance partner right now.

That's good, because I think I popped my knee out

- during the Lindy hop.

- [LAUGHS]

Listen, I know you just got out of something.

All I'm looking for is somebody to sit across from me at a nice restaurant.

- A dinner buddy.

- Exactly.

You know, anything else is just icing.

Do you do icing?

You know, I should really learn your dietary restrictions if we're gonna be dinner buddies.

Yes.

What?

To dinner or to the icing?

Let's just start with dinner.

[LAUGHS]

Okay.

I'll text you the details, and I will see you Monday...

buddy.

- Okay.

- ♪ You know I've been hungry ♪ ♪ Help me feed my hunger ♪ ♪ Baby, can we hurry?

♪ ♪ I can't wait much longer ♪ ♪ And we're not getting younger, younger ♪

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

So it's two classes per week, a session of office hours, and individual critiques at the end of the term, and this is your salary

- plus medical and dental.

- Fantastic!

You know, I've never had dental insurance in my life.

- So you'll think about it?

- There's nothing to think about except which crown I'm replacing.

Uh, where do I sign?

Well, we'll finalize the long-form contracts, but we can get your paperwork started now.

- [KNOCKING]

- Hey, there she is.

Maggie, this my wife, Kamila.

- How are you, sweet pea?

- Hi, love.

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

- I remember you.

- Um, you do?

You bid on her painting, right, babe?

I did, I did, and we're gonna be seeing a lot more of her 'cause she's teaching here now.

That's terrific news.

♪ ♪ Welcome to the family.

Thanks.

So why were Clare and Lauren kissing on Instagram Stories this weekend?

We had a breakup brunch which Lauren tried to turn into a make-out dinner.

- Oh.

- But we're over our exes, so it all worked out.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Liza, thank you so much for your notes.

They were as smart and incisive as I'd hoped.

Just doing my job.

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do too.

So I hope we can put the past in the past and move on.

Mm-hmm.

Should I forward the notes to Charles?

Oh, no, I can show him tonight at dinner.

- Great.

- [CELL PHONE BUZZING]

Oh...

oh, God, it's Pelosi.

I gotta take this.

Hey, girl.

[LAUGHS]

Are you okay?

Yeah, I just gotta get used to her being around.

Better to have her as an ally than an enemy, right?

Yeah, definitely better as an ally.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪ [BOTH LAUGHING]

Okay, they called me "Legs-a Miller"?

- Yes.

- That is so stupid.

[LAUGHS]

Well, look, it's no Hot Dad, but what do you expect from a bunch of suburban mortgage brokers?

[LAUGHS]

I used to have such a crush on you.

Is that okay to say on a first date?

It's not a date, buddy.

Besides, I think I'm undatable.

You are many things, but undatable isn't one of them.

So since it's not a date, can I ask how you and Andrea are doing?

We're friendly.

My divorce was probably a lot like yours.

Oh, so you cheated on her and lost all your savings playing blackjack in Bayonne?

Yikes.

Not that.

[CHUCKLES]

I just mean that we were married pretty young, and, um, I've been married most of my adult life.

And so when it ended, I finally had to ask myself who I really was.

♪ ♪ And who were you?

Well, I was a person who grew up with miserable parents.

Hmm.

And then my own relationships were not great, but as long as I was successful, I could convince myself that a partner was a liability that I didn't want.

All I ever really wanted was a family, a house, a wife, kids.

Do you know how much pressure that puts on a marriage?

I do, and I know how destabilizing it is when you put all your chips on something, and it doesn't work out.

- [SCOFFS]

- Your whole life, a really good life, just vaporizes.

And for the first time in your life, you're just alone.

I never minded being alone.

But then when my senate race exploded, I looked around.

I realized that I didn't have any people in my life.

- Only employees.

- [CHUCKLES]

And then when I bumped into you in Chicago, I can't even say it was a feeling I had missed.

Because honestly, I don't know if I'd ever felt it before.

I've never felt older than on dates with younger women.

[LAUGHS]

Why?

I mean, seriously, there's only so many times that you can say, "Wow," to a TikTok dance challenge, you know?

And most people our age are so terrified of ending up alone that they just wanna lock something down.

So why don't you?

I just got to a place where my life can surprise me again.

I hate surprises.

Always have.

I like stability.

I just don't feel like I should have to apologize for that.

No.

Look, in my experience, when you know what you want, you don't apologize for it.

Hmm.

You go for it.

Well, then it's lucky that we found each other.

Do you know how lucky we are to have found each other?

Seriously.

You're a unicorn.

Most women, when I tell them I don't want to get married again, they get so upset.

But you're over it.

No rings, no strings.

Next time, we don't even have to get dinner.

[LAUGHS]

Buddy.

I want dinner, Vince.

Yeah.

Good.

Okay, yeah, me too.

I want a relationship.

I don't...

I don't want to be sleeping around forever.

- That sounds exhausting.

- Okay.

I want a partner.

I want to share my life with someone.

I just don't wanna move into his house and become his wife and have my life revolve around his.

I mean, why is that so hard for him to understand?

I'm sorry, who?

My ex who proposed to me out of nowhere at someone else's wedding.

And you said no, or...

why?

Like, it sounds like that's what you wanted, so why couldn't you just get married?

Why couldn't he just not get married?

Why did he have to throw everything away over semantics?

Why does he get to decide it's over just because he didn't get what he wanted?

So you're still in love with him?

Of course I'm still in love with him!

And I blew it...

or he did or we both did or it doesn't matter because it's over, and he's moved on, and I'm in Soho at some hot new restaurant with a dinner buddy because I'm what?

[INHALES SHARPLY]

Undatable?

[CRIES]

I'm just gonna go use the...

yeah.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

♪ ♪ [SIGHS]

♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ ♪

[LAUGHS]

[CELL PHONE BUZZING]

Hi, this is Liza.

Hi, Liza, this is Ayanna Williams returning your call.

I was Quinn Tyler's consultant in the California primary.

Right.

Hi, Ayanna.

I am with her publisher.

I was just calling to fact-check something for her new book, but I think we're all set.

Another book?

At least I don't have to read it.

What is it about?

Failure.

It's called "The F Word." That's smart.

It makes her look relatable.

That was always one of her biggest negatives.

Not the only one though.

What did you do for her campaign?

Oppo research.

I was supposed to expose the flaws in her candidacy so she could fix that.

What were her flaws, if I can ask?

People thought she was cold,

- a little condescending, elitist.

- Mmm.

But the biggest one...

and this is so stupid and patriarchal I could scream...

was that she wasn't married.

People couldn't reconcile that.

How was she supposed to fix that?

I literally told her to find a guy with kind eyes and a strong jawline to stand next her, and she would jump ten points in the polls.

if the guy had a normal-looking kid.

Really?

And how did she take that?

Not well, but she ate it pretty hard in that senate race.

So if she runs again...

when she runs again; there are already rumors she wants to be governor...

I think she'd suck it up and do it.

Do what?

Recruit a discount Kennedy to walk her across the finish line.

♪ Lies, lies ♪ Thanks for getting back to me.

No problem.

♪ They taste like honey ♪ ♪ Deceive your eyes ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ It's all just fun again ♪ ♪ Yay ♪

Next time on "Younger"...

As someone who's gone head-to-head with Quinn, trust me, there's no winning or losing.

There's just hangovers.

Why does Josh have all this baby stuff?

You still haven't told her about your offspring?

It's not like I haven't tried.

I just want what's best for you.

You've got the wrong idea, Liza.

You set me up.

I mean, lucky for us, sex sells.

Do you think we can pull this off?

I have no idea.

If I would've said something sooner, would it have made a difference?

[POP MUSIC]

♪ ♪