04x02 - Gettin' Hygge With It

[bunniefuu]

So all you really know is that Kelsey took an Uber - to Josh's last night?

- Yes, after midnight.

Well, maybe she's just crashing there.

- Or maybe...

- No, no, no, no.

I don't think so.

That's not Kelsey or Josh.

I know, but, you know, a little alcohol, a little commiseration.

I mean, they're both in their 20...

- why are we going on Barry?

- I am rerouting you.

You don't need to walk past Josh's to get to the L.

Well, so am I just supposed to avoid his street forever?

Yes.

Never face a painful situation when you can just skulk around it.

Oh, coffee.

Oh, coffee filters.

Nope.

Oh.

- I thought you were sleeping.

- Nope.

Not really sleeping much these days.

I know what you mean.

My brain is, like, buzzing from this Liza thing.

It's so insane.

Yeah, well, you're pretty much the only person in the world that understands what I've been going through.

Yeah, we're, like, in Liza recovery together.

Mm, now first rule of recovery, do not use the L-word.

Got it, and the second rule?

Grits.

- Grits?

- Grits.

Yeah, a little bit of cheese, some bacon.

That's how you start your morning right in the mean, mountain state of West Virginia.

I'm from Texas, darlin'.

- You are speaking my language.

- Texas?

What...

do you two-step?

Do I two-step?

You have so much to learn about me.

You did spend the night at Josh's.

What is happening?

Oh, my God, this is an ambush.

- Did you hook up?

- We did not.

I'm just staying here for a while.

What?

What do you mean "staying here for a while"?

How do you even know I'm here?

You took my Uber so I followed you on the app.

- Have you been here all night?

- No.

After, like, my 400th unanswered text, I decided to just come here and catch your walk of shame.

It's not a walk of shame.

But you're living with Josh, dude.

There are so many dots to connect.

Okay, he and Liza were practically engaged.

- What...

what broke them up?

- I do not know, but it had nothing to do with me.

And yet you moved in with him.

Wow.

Wow, wow, wow.

Are you sure you didn't bang him?

- At least a little dry humping?

- Can you drop it, okay?

Got it.

Boundaries, yes.

So into them, mm-hmm.

You can tell me tonight at the House of Yes.

- House of what?

- Ooh, it's this naughty, Cirque du Solei-ish dinner thing.

Max finally got a night off, so I'm making him be fun, - and you're coming with us.

- But I...

Nope, nope, it's a House of "Yes," Kels, okay?

There are no "no's" allowed.

I'll see you tonight.

Bring a date.

Josh.

Here you go.

Hmm, that's a work of art.

That means a lot coming from you.

You're Maggie Amato, right?

Yeah, that's me.

I love your work.

Your last show, the Yves Klein homage, was life changing.

I had, like, five Snapchat stories that were nothing but that show.

Thanks, I guess.

I'm sorry to fangirl all over you.

It's just very cool to meet you.

Nice to meet you too, Montana.

Sorry, I don't wanna hold up the line.

Wait, come here.

- Fifth one's free.

- Hmm, thanks.

The reviews for Kelsey's boyfriend's book are out.

Ex-boyfriend.

They broke up.

Mm, she'll be thrilled.

Kirkus said it was "flabby and indulgent," and the "Times" didn't like it either.

I wonder what "Publisher's Weekly" said.

Liza, read on your own time.

That cover art needs Charles's signature ASAP.

Okay.

Come in.

- Are you okay?

- Um, my back is out.

- Oh, no, a spasm?

- Uh, yeah.

Yeah, it happens sometimes.

Um, do you mind if I...

- Uh, okay.

- I...

- see if I can...

- Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy.

I know.

Is that it?

- Yeah.

- I...

oh, sorry.

- Okay, okay, ow.

- It's okay.

Sometimes if you massage the area just above it, it helps release the spasm.

Ah.

Oh, yeah, that's...

oh, wow, that's actually a little bit better.

You need ice and Ibuprofen.

Eventually, you're gonna wanna alternate heat and ice, but not today.

How do you know so much about this?

My, um...

friend's husband has a bad back.

How old is he?

Older.

In his 40s.

Is that unusual among your friends?

Oh, uh, we...

we don't really think about that.

We just...

party.

Um, can I ask you to...

Yeah.

Could you please get me that Ibuprofen?

Hi, Bob.

No, no, no, feeling great.

- Uh, let's just hear the numbers.

- Take these.

- Here you go.

- Thank you.

Okay.

So...

so we're actually up from where we were?

All right, so you can work with that.

Right.

Excuse me, can you sign for these?

Oh, yeah, of course.

Hey.

These are for you.

Thanks, but I'm not really sure flowers are gonna make our situation any better.

- No, they're not from me.

- They're, um...

uh, they're from Colin.

His name was on the receipt.

Diana said the reviews are awful.

Can't wait to read 'em.

You always said it was 200 pages too long.

Yeah, I guess so.

I've got some emails to return.

Yeah, okay.

I'll see you in the staff meeting.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, are you okay?

Did you find a place to stay and...?

Yeah.

I found a place.

In this turbulent world full of strife and anxiety, people need a place of peace.

Hygge.

The Danish art of comfort, offers a cure.

And the definitive guidebook has become Empirical's very own "Getting Hygge With It." Now, our author, Hans Pater Jorgen, is ending his 12-week tour here and rather than throwing a party at some Danish restaurant, I thought it would be more personal and in the spirit of Hygge to host at my home.

Isn't Hygge about being...

- cozy?

- Yeah.

- I've been to your home, it's...

- Elegant, yes.

I plan to Hygge it up.

You know.

So, Saturday, 7:00 sharp.

There will be press, so I expect everyone to bring a plus one.

Can Millennial help the book with a online push?

Oh, uh, we're doing a segment on "Strong Opinions Loosely Held," and Medium is doing a piece tying our title with Bobby Flay's new fondue cookbook.

Also, the college interns are making some memes, so maybe one of them will go viral.

All right, once and for all, can someone please explain what a "meme" is?

I'm glad you asked.

Um, I'm not sure I understand either.

Well, the technical definition is "a cultural item that's "transmitted by repetition in a manner similar to the biological transmission of genes." - No.

- Can you give an example?

Well, the Internet versions are, like, funny photos or little videos, but the analog version is, like, uh, "Kilroy was here." - Oh.

- Uh, uh, what about, - uh, "keep on trucking"?

- Yeah.

- "Where's the beef?" - Exactly!

What are you guys talking about?

No, no, a meme is, like, a picture of a cat that says stupid things like, "I can haz cheezburger." Or Salt Bae.

Right.

Oh, Salt Bae.

That is...

it's so...

that's so funny.

Just whenever it's like...

Well, as long as it's good for the book, may we all have a profitable journey across the Salt Bay.

Hear, hear.

You really have no idea what a meme is.

I can't believe I've been so blind.

Hey.

I'm here to get my hole punched.

Hi.

I was hoping you'd be back.

- Cappuccino?

- Please.

Love the shirt.

What's on the back?

It's the state of Montana, actually.

I painted it.

You're an artist?

Yeah, yeah.

Not like you, but, yeah.

- Well, I think it's beautiful.

- Well, thank you.

You know, I'm working on some new paintings.

You wanna come check 'em out sometime?

Are you kidding?

Yes!

- Text me when you're free.

- Okay.

You know, the girl in the next shift is running late, but I should be getting off soon.

Oh, I have a feeling you will be.

See ya.

Bye.

Who knew there were so many candle scents?

Bavarian Pretzel.

Mm.

Library books.

Nostalgic Snow.

- Nostalgic Snow?

- What is that, old snow?

Isn't that water?

Who cares?

Throw it in.

It's on sale.

We need to Hygge my place up.

Okay, who needs a pillow this big?

Oh, that's a body pillow.

You know, for girls who can't get a man.

I obviously don't need one since I have Richard to cuddle with.

And when I say "cuddle," I actually mean...

That's nice.

I miss cuddling.

It's too bad about you and Josh.

It's never pleasant to be dumped.

I didn't get dumped.

We just...

you know, we wanted different things.

So you chose to be alone?

Really, Liza, it's always best to be honest with oneself.

It's how we grow.

Ooh, Mongolian lambskin.

We should keep the tags on these so we can return them after the party, and by "we" I mean you.

Wow.

Is it possible you got more beautiful since the last time I saw you?

No.

You just weren't paying attention.

Well, I am now.

Trust me.

That may take some time.

- Understood.

- Look, I know I was a cliché letting all that attention go to my head.

Does it help to say I know I've been a total ass?

And that I'm truly, truly sorry?

It's a good start.

But you're gonna have to do a lot more.

- Like what?

- I don't know.

I'm gonna think of something.

- What is this place?

- Oh, you'll see.

There's Lauren and Max.

Guys, you remember Colin.

Oh, you came to that party at my apartment.

You live on Roosevelt Island, right?

- Uh, no.

- Oh, sorry, you're the twin?

What?

Oh, it's not your fault, baby.

Kelsey has a very specific type.

- No, I don't.

- Mm, okay.

Uh, here we go.

Thad, Chad, Tram Slam, this guy.

- This guy?

- Yeah, they're all the same.

6 foot, corn fed, sandy blonde, sensible stubble.

I take it these are your exes?

- Yeah, she can't help it.

- She's a dopple-banger.

Has anybody at this table been naughty?

Hmm.

You two.

Come with me.

Ooh.

How do you like that?

I'd like it to be harder.

Harder.

Do you wanna try?

I would love to.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Ah!

- Hey.

- Hey.

Uh, you don't usually take Barry.

Yeah, uh, I was trying to avoid Bedford.

- Yeah, me too.

- Yeah.

- So how are you?

- No.

No, we're not doing this.

Mini-quiches are ready.

Yep, I got it.

Oh, no, I don't have any star anise.

Oh, here.

Use, um, caraway seeds.

- Here you go.

- We're out of, uh...

- Oh, Havarti and Grinzola.

- I know this is a Hygge party, and it's supposed to be relaxing, but it's hard to be relaxed when your guest of honor is late.

I'll call him.

It's easy to see why Diana leans on you so much.

Yeah.

I mean, you don't have to be a therapist to know that she has some trust issues, but not with you.

You're one of the very few people she has complete faith in.

That's, uh...

nice to hear.

Hi.

How's your back?

Uh, it's better.

A little better.

Mulled wine should help.

Thank you.

That's hot.

Wow.

Liza, hi.

Colin.

Hello.

Hi.

Oh, hey, you never introduced me to your boss.

Oh, of course.

Charles, this is the notorious Colin McNichol.

Colin, Charles Brooks, my brilliant boss.

- Charles.

- Colin, very nice to meet you, and, uh, I'm sorry to hear about Random House.

Yeah, appreciate that.

- That was a surprise.

- What happened?

They dropped the option on my second book.

When did that happen?

Yesterday.

Uh, bad move on their part.

It's a great idea.

Can I tell you about it?

Uh, sure.

So imagine if the voyage of Christopher Columbus was financed by Catherine of Aragon instead of Isabella of Spain.

So I'm obsessed with the complicated relationship that women have with power.

How we can be vulnerable, but predators at the same time.

Yes, the contrast is so strong.

- I-I really love it.

- Thanks.

If you ever need an assistant, I would be so into helping you out.

I could stir your paint.

I could stretch your canvas.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Well, that sounds like an offer too good to refuse.

Oh, my God, okay.

- What?

- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.

I'm such a gigantic fan of yours.

I'm just...

I'm...

I'm straight.

- Oh.

- I hope that's okay.

That's okay.

That's fine.

Some of my best friends are straight.

Okay, good.

- Good.

- Mm...

but I have a show coming up in a month, so if you're still interested, I could use the help.

- Oh, my God, really?

- Yeah, yeah.

- I would love that.

- Yeah, great, fantastic.

Well, come here.

I'll show you my stuff.

Okay.

Look, I know you don't want my advice, but are you sure it's a good idea to let Colin back into your life?

What?

From the minute you guys got here, he has been all over Charles.

What are you saying?

I-I don't trust him.

Oh, you don't trust him.

That's funny.

Okay, I'm only saying this because I care about you.

You care about me?

Do you really wanna do this here?

Yes, I...

you know what...

Of course I care about you.

Very deeply.

That's why I wanna see you with a good guy.

You discovered Colin, you supported him through the entire editing process, and the minute he got successful, he didn't have time for you.

That is until he needs you again.

I was married to a guy like that, and you deserve better.

You deserve someone who treasures you, who...

who opens doors, who walks on the outside of a sidewalk.

Okay, all right, what kind of old lady lace curtain handbook is that out of?

Huh?

Liza, stop pretending to have a clue about how I think or who I am.

You know nothing.

You don't even know what a meme is.

Yes, I do.

Lauren just sent me one.

- That's not a meme.

- It has meme font.

- How is that not a meme?

- It just isn't.

Well, then what the hell is a meme?

You...

you just know it when you see it!

- Do you have any other questions?

- Just one.

Why are you living with Josh?

- Because he needed a roommate.

- And you're the only person that he could find?

I am the only person that understands what he's going through.

Kelsey, just wait.

- Let's go.

- But I was right - in the middle of the...

- I need to go now.

I'll call you.

Are, um, Kelsey and Liza fighting?

Yes, apparently, Kelsey stole Liza's boyfriend.

20-something drama.

You can't stop them from acting their age.

I'm sure you guys will make up.

I am...

I really don't think so.

Well, the good news is, I think Charles is interested in the second book.

I should text my agent.

- Hey, can I have that cab?

- Sure.

Hey, roomie!

- Why don't you join us?

- Thanks.

I'm gonna go to bed.

Yo, I'll be right back.

Kelsey.

You okay?

Colin is an assh*le.

I don't know how I didn't see it.

Ah, man.

I'm sorry.

It's like, I don't think I can trust my instincts anymore.

I-I have seriously lost my ability to judge people's character.

First, I was wrong about Liza, and then...

Liza, Liza, Liza!

I'm so tired of talking about Liz...

Whoa.

Lies.

Uh.

Lies-uh.

Lies-uh.

Lies-uh-lies.

- I can't.

- My God.

Well, we should have just known all along.

Oh, my God.

Come on.

Let's go.

Get your ass out there.

Yeah, that sounds good, boys.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You ready to show me some of those two-step moves of yours?

- Oh, hell, yeah.

- Yeah?