Hi!
I'm trying to keep a non-medical
personnel from coming back here.
I'm the Chief of Medicine.
And I'm the Chief of Slag Smacking,
so I'd keep moving
if I were you.
That's very clever.
Being clever is
not how I got the job.
Smacking slags is.
Unfortunately for Jordan,
Dr. Maddox can zero in on
someone's biggest insecurity.
- You're old.
- Oh!
See, she was an oncombination
of super-friendly...
Hey, rockstar!
...and soul-less.
This guy's insurance
only covers three days
of 'Why so you care?', so you gotta
get him out of here today, okay?
And you know what?
I'll take care of it.
Oh, do you know what I did
for the first time last week?
Wind surfing.
By the way,
it is really... aargh!
I wouldn't know about that.
Trust me, it is.
This guy!
Die! Got you!
God! Won't you die?!
Treat him and streed (sp?) him.
And she wasn't the only woman
who was driving me crazy.
Listen, Jo...
Medically speaking,
your performance is outstanding.
But you're not
great with your patients.
Watch Ed.
See, he develops a rapport.
Now I know Ed's not perfect...
Matrix! All three movies,
one house. You in?
Sure.
Sorry, no room.
For starters,
I heard he smokes plants.
Still, I need you to connect
with your patients, okay?
If they need some sympathy,
dig down in your soul and find some?
Yo, Mr. Harris?
Sucks you'll never walk again.
Hell yeah, awesome!
Better, right?
No, no, Jo...
He lost his feet.
I don't have time for Jo,
because once a year,
Turk and I go to a great steakhouse
and have the most
romantic night ever.
Dude!
And that magical
evening was finally here.
Steak Night!
- Give me some of this! Oh!
- Oh!
How come I don't know about
that super-tight new greeting?
Steak Night!
It's not a greeting, Ed.
It is now.
Sean!
Steak Night!
How does he start
things so quickly?
He is very talented.
May your mushrooms always be sautéed
and your onions always be grilled.
Gravy, fellas!
Gravy, Ed.
Cream spinach, yo!
- No.
- Okay.
'My Last Words'
Dude.
You've seen the new
administrative assistant?
For some reason, whenever I see
a pretty girl, for the first time,
I always imagine her
hair blowing in slow-mo.
Unfortunately,
Turk knows this,
so I have to snap out of
it before he messes with me.
Heya!
Too slow.
Dude, I almost had you.
A score one for J-Dism.
Hot dog pin!
Count it, hockey-face.
Listen, you shouldn't be wasting
your calories on hot dogs, anyways.
For God's sakes, Steak Night
is five minutes away.
Hey.
Shall we sing?
The Steak Night song
was to be sung
every Steak Night that had
been for the last decade.
All clear!
The dance was new.
- We're going to Steak Night!
- We're going to Steak Night!
- We're going to eat it right.
- We're going to eat it right.
- Steak is such a treat.
- Steak is such a treat.
- It is the world's best meat.
- It is the world's best meat.
- We're going to Steak Night!
- We're going to Steak Night!
- We're going to eat it right.
- We're going to eat it right.
Excuse me, doctors!
- What is your problem, lady?
- What the heck, yo? Listen to me.
- We like to do a thing.
- You don't interrupt people--
All right, calm down, calm down.
We'll finish in the
bathroom at the restaurant.
I'm so sorry,
could one of you change the IV in ?
Nothing like the
taste of fresh bag.
I just picked it this morning.
The only thing that
would make it any better
is if it was being hooked up by that...
foxy, little dish over there.
Damn, my psychée.
So, Mr. Valentine.
Call me George.
George.
What are you in for?
We think of hospitals as places
where people go to heal.
But there are also places
where people go to die.
And George was definitely going soon.
Ischemic bowel disease.
I'm so sorry.
Oh hey,
I've lived plus years.
I've had a great old
time while I was here.
He's over ?
Black people have the greatest skin.
No.
But honestly,
I don't know why people
are so afraid of dying.
Tell me about it.
When you're around death as much as
we are, you kinda lose your fear of it.
It's one of the
benefits of working here.
Yeah.
Look, we're on our
way out to dinner,
but is there anything we
can get you before we go?
I'd k*ll for a cigar.
You know, I'm dying and I'm
not allowed to have a cigar?
What are the nurses
thinks gonna happen?
They're probably thinking
you could accidentally
ignite that oxygen t*nk
and it would blow up the whole ICU,
pretty much k*lling everybody here.
Boom!
How about a beer?
Listen to him,
who behaves that way at a mini-Martin (sp?)?
I'm sorry Turk, but when I put
that single beer down in the counter
and the -year old check-out
kid is like, 'Oh, big night!'
It just pissed me off!
You know, I mean...
Who was he to judge us?
He needs to know we're not two
lame-o's with nothing going on.
So that's why you bought
that box of condoms
- and a flare g*n.
- Exactly.
Now whenever he thinks of us,
he'll picture us putting a beer,
sexing up the ladies
and sh**ting off flares,
you know, like men do.
That does sound pretty awesome.
I knew you'd come around!
- We did it that. We did it that.
- Pow, pow!
Incoming!
Hey, guys,
I assume you've already met
my sharp, young lawyer who
is gonna help me with my will.
You said I could help you!
All this work for nothing!
Ted! Ted!
He means you.
Oh, man!
I did this all in my typewriter.
I'll be back in hours.
Oh God, that tastes good!
You guys gonna join me, right?
Nah, they are kinda frank (sp?) on
doctors drinking beer here.
And plus, I'm allergic to barley.
Wait, I've seen you
drink beer before.
And every time I did,
I had to have an
antihistamine first.
I don't remember that.
Fine, Turk,
I'll tell George the truth.
Even though I'm a man,
I don't like beer.
I prefer Appletinis,
they make me feel fancy.
There. You hurt,
and embarrassed me. Are you happy?
A little bit.
Guys,
don't you have a dinner to go to?
George, don't worry,
there's no rush.
No, no,
don't you stick around on my account.
Come on now,
I've got family coming pretty soon.
I'm fine.
And then I said the only
thing I could think of
to a man who
might not be here tomorrow.
It was nice to meet you,
George.
Yes, it was.
You too.
- We're going to Steak Night.
- We're going to Steak Night.
- We're gonna eat it right.
- We're gonna eat it right.
Ted, -part harmony!
Steak is such a treat,
it is the world's best meat.
Big finish!
Steak Night!
Hot dang, just like a choir!
Hey, are you working
on George's will?
Can you make two copies?
We need one for his family.
They're headed down here.
Family?
He-He's leaving all his stuff to charity,
he doesn't have any family.
Not G! Aww!
- Why would George lie?
- I have no idea.
So, he's all alone.
What do you wanna do?
We're going to Steak Night,
and dammit, we're gonna eat it right.
Not preferred if you put
your hand right there, buddy.
Yeah, but he likes to be here.
I know it seems callous to leave,
but whoever takes
care of George tonight
will be just as compassionate as us.
Mr. Valentine,
I'm Dr. Mahoney.
My attending really wants me
to connect with my patients
so if it's okay with you, I'd thought I'd
get the ball rolling in a personal story.
Okay, you can call me George.
Awesome, I'm feeling it.
So George, last Friday,
I'm at a bar,
I take this guy home.
He's a little fat, whatever, right?
Plus, chubsters are so grateful,
they usually try harder.
Anyway,
right in the middle of things,
he's sweating and snorting
like a hairy rhino.
And I just start to hate myself,
like really, really hate myself.
So without even thinking,
I just headbutt him,
right in the face, bam, clock him in
between the eyes and knock him out cold.
So...
That's what I got.
What do you got going on?
I like golf.
When you get down to it,
taking care of a patient
means more than anything.
Even Steak Night.
- Hey, George.
- We'll take it from here, chuckles.
- Yeah.
- So long.
I think I just saw the Devil.
So, what happened to dinner?
We don't want George to
feel like he was a burden,
so we had to come up
with a great excuse.
Giant oak tree
fell on the restaurant.
What restaurant?
Steak Cookers.
- Maestros.
- Maestros.
Oh man, I used to eat
there all the time.
Turk's upset because he thinks
when George gets outta here
he'll drive to Maestros
and see that we lied.
Now he's relieved because he
remembered that George is about to die
and he's never leaving here.
And now he feels guilty
for thinking that thought
and he wants to punish
himself physically
but he can't because
we're with a patient.
Dude, what the hell?
- You wanted me to do that. You know it.
- Okay, fine. Thank you.
So, George, why did you lie about
your family coming to visit you?
Uh, I'm a grown man and I don't
need anybody to hold my hand.
Besides, you guys have
better things to do.
Hell, you don't even know me.
But right then, we did know George.
He was a proud guy who didn't want
us to see how scared he really was.
We knew what we had to do.
We were gonna get him
past his fear of dying.
Step one:
Get to know him.
So, no family, huh?
My wife d*ed. Years ago.
Any kids?
Nope.
It was like pulling teeth!
And what did you guys
do for a living?
Barbara taught history.
I coached football.
I played football.
Head defense, safety.
You?
Oh no, I-I didn't, uh,
I didn't play sports, per say.
George, I was the, uh, mascot
for the girls' volleyball team.
Really?
Wear a costume?
Oh, great costume,
I wore a bandana and a half-shirt.
At away games,
I wear Spurs,
which, in retrospective, is sort of weird
'cause we weren't the Cowboys.
You must have looked
very beautiful.
I felt beautiful.
Guys, quick word?
Look, if you wanna hang out with
patients after your shifts are over,
you have to change
into your streets.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Okay.
Can we go?
Cougars only drink free till .
- What about MILF's?
- Oh, I forgot I had kids.
Step two:
Just keep babbling until he finally opens up.
I don't know how
I wanna go,
but I do know what I
want down with my remains.
Are you really comfortable
watching TV like this?
Is it Rowdy?
No.
Is it JD?
Yes!
You'll get used to it.
Pretzel?
You gotta stop bringing
him into our bedroom.
- I'll teach you how to do my hair.
- I already know how to do your hair.
It's not an Afro, Turk,
you can't just pick it.
Oh, man.
Did you just
make a noise, George?
Come on, George.
Talk to us.
I'll tell you one thing.
I sure didn't think
I'd go like this.
Now that George was talking,
he went to a question
everyone goes to first.
So...
Tell me, do you think there's
anything after this life?
Definitely.
He already has a first
day in heaven planned out.
It starts with a dip
in the milkshake pool,
then we'll work our
way over to the cloud
where beautiful women spend
quality time with one another.
You know, in a special way.
Like, a lesbian cloud?
Not like a lesbian cloud, George.
An actual cloud, full of lesbians.
I just hope I die before my wife
so I can have some fun up there.
Oh, when Carla dies,
heaven is going to suck!
That's all very nice.
But we can't know for sure.
I know for sure.
I'm a man of faith, George.
I've seen people come back
from the brink of death.
And you'd be surprised how
many of them say the same thing.
"I saw a white light," and we're
overcome with the feeling of peace.
That's what comfort to me.
Hey, Mr. Valentine!
I re-did your will on a computer
and to make it less depressing,
I used a fun font.
Really, Ted, fun font?
I like seeing my name in Squiglees.
Oh yeah, that's the font!
Recognise!
- What's happening?
- It's this new thing Ed came up with.
When you disrespect someone,
and they, in turn, burn your ass
you must... recognise!
Fine, Ted, I recognise.
Hell, yeah!
Hell, yeah!
- I hate Ed.
- I know.
Hard to believe.
My whole life goes down
to these four pages.
I wondered if
anybody would remember me?
Come on, George.
When my dad d*ed,
I thought my brother and I were
gonna be the only two to remember him.
I was totally wrong.
When we were, uh, growing up,
there was this one
homeless guy in our town.
We used to call him
Mr. Long-Beard Stinky Pants.
Uh, because he had this
really long beard and, uh, his pants--
He gets it.
...they were stinky.
Anyway, every time
we went out to dinner,
my father would make us
give him our left-overs.
My mom hated that.
She used to be like,
"He's just gonna use those
pork-chops for dr*gs."
My mom drank a lot.
The point is,
a couple months ago,
I-I went home and there's this clean,
shaving guy working in the pizzeria.
He takes me aside,
and says,
"Your father was a great man."
It was Mr. Long-Beard Stinky Pants.
Although now,
he prefers Kevin.
Anyway, George, I...
I promise you...
People are gonna
remember you the same way.
Thank you very much.
Wow, it's kind of emotional in here.
You guys keep this up eventually,
you'll all get your periods on
the same day, which is kinda cool.
Denise, a quick word.
Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and
ban you from Mr. Valentine's room.
Whatever.
All the patients are stable,
so I'm just gonna go catch
some Z's in the on-call room.
Who's the chubster?
I don't know.
Meet me in the on-call room,
pants down, lights off.
I just wanted to say,
"I am so psyched that you called me back--"
No, no, no talking.
And if you touch me too much,
God help me, I will headbutt you again.
I love you.
And finally, George only had
one fear left to tackle.
At the end...
Is it gonna hurt?
No, we'll manage any pain you'll have.
But how is it gonna happen exactly?
Maybe if I knew
what was coming,
I'd be able to handle it better.
Well, uh...
Eventually, it will become
harder for you to breathe.
But you won't be gasping for air;
you'll just...
Feel more drowsy.
And as the rest of your organs,
begin to fail,
you'll just, sort-of,
go.
I'll just go?
I like that.
And there it was,
The fear was gone and all
the remain was acceptance.
No.
No, I know what you
guys are trying to do,
I just can't get over the
fact that one minute I'm here
and the next, I'm not?
And that's when Turk and I
told George how we really felt.
George, I'm terrified of dying.
Me too.
But, why'd you lie?
We fight death for a living,
every single day,
we can't let it know we're afraid
of it or it will kick our ass.
There we are.
Everybody's scared.
- Yeah.
- Pretty much.
Oh, well then what in the
hell do I have to hope for?
Well if it were me,
I would just hope that my
last thought was a good one.
Well then, that's it?
That's it.
You thought that was deep?
That was...
That wasn't deep.
Sorry.
I'm over here dying.
That's all,
that's all you can come up with?
Turk and I spent the next
few hours in that room.
Just talking...
Hanging with George.
When Turk and I were in college,
we were roommates.
[ Song: I Will Follow You Into the Dark
Artist: Death Cab For Cutie ]
Hey...
Guys.
I'm getting a little tired.
Okay, well,
take a quick nap.
You guys are gonna be
here when I wake up?
Of course!
Hey, man...
That beer,
tasted great!
George never did wake up.
And even all that talking
didn't make death any easier.
At least, not for us.
Maybe in the end,
all you can really hope for...
is that your last thought is a nice one.
Even if it's just about the taste
of an ice, cold beer.
George was right.
This beer is good.
I wouldn't know,
I don't really like beer.
Goodbye, George.
Action!
I have the same nightmare, every time.
That I'd die and leave my
family and friends behind.
I'm diabetic, so...
I'm probably gonna go before him.
Hopefully.
Dude!
I'm gonna have you stuffed.
Carla already said, "No."
I must stuff her too.
You promise?
I'm gonna keep her
in the closet, though.
Alright, but don't tell her.
She don't need to know nothing.
But you're in next to each other.
Cut!
We can't use that.
Come on!
Dude, that's horrible!