Ted, what are you doing?
Band practice.
What band?
Peons assemble!
They have to stay within earshot,
it's in the band code.
Wow, Ted,
it's kind of like you're their leader.
Peons disperse!
Peons assemble!
Enough of the horse play!
Now we need to practice,
and I can't have you winded.
Now we've only got one sh*t
to convince Dr. Cox
to let us sing for the sick kids
in pediatrics.
One, two.
[Blue Oyster Cult - Don't Fear The Reaper]
# All our times have come,
# Seasons don't fear the Reaper,
Oh boy, good luck with that.
As wrong as it was
to serenade sick kids
with a song about
the upside of death,
it was perfect for my walk
to Dr. Cox's office.
Yep, it was terrifying
going up against the new chief.
Perry, for the last time, we need
more negative pressure rooms
in the infectious diseases ward.
Huh, I didn't hear you knock.
The door was open.
Then go outside,
close the door, and knock.
No, you're just going to lock it.
No, I won't.
You know I've been b*rned before.
Believe in me.
- New chapter?
- New chapter.
New chapter!
Perry Cox.
We still need those rooms.
And you sir, are a liar.
There is no money in the budget.
And while you're delivering
bad news, please tell Ted
that he can't sing in pediatrics.
A cappella music is,
how to put this delicately...
ear r*pe.
Guys, guys, guys!
He said no.
Oh man!
Well maybe, he'll let us sing
for the people in the burn ward.
No, I asked.
He said they're already
in enough pain.
Besides, Teddy, hospital already
has someone who sings to the kids.
Who?
# One day
# The moon got tired of being
# Up in the sky
# He wandered
# Down through the starlight
# And landed on the ocean side
# And he smiled while...
That's a cute song.
It's not cute.
It's beautiful.
# His swim trunks and snorkel
# And guess what
# Mr. Moon swam
Good news, Cox just added
two new negative pressure rooms.
Great job wearing him down.
But still, with Dr. Cox,
winning has ramifications.
Janice, you have one ugly baby.
Seriously.
Did you actually teach your son
to be mean to a baby?
Not just any baby,
but your baby.
Come here, Jackie Boy!
We're going to get
, jelly beans.
I love you so much.
They can both be so hurtful.
Season Episode
My Lawyer's In Love
You got to pick Jack up
from preschool today.
Why can't you do it?
Hello, I'll be busy taking care
of our daughter.
Jennifer is with the nanny.
Okay, fine.
Jack's school gets out at :
and you know I take a nap
everyday from : to : .
Are you enjoying your life?
Yeah, it's pretty nice.
And yours?
It's different.
Got your latte, champ.
Well now, thank you.
Boy oh boy, you're really digging
the heck out of this whole secret
friendship thing, aren't you?
Well, it has all
the thrill of an affair,
without all that exhausting sex.
Do you realize that I have
to do rounds,
see patients,
pick up my son Jack,
and somehow put a dent in all
this bureaucratic ridiculousness?
You're the Chief of Medicine,
you can't keep doing
all the things you used to do.
You have to let something go.
Just don't drop the ball
with your son.
That's what I did with Harrison.
He and his new life partner Caleb
have just opened a boutique
on Fire Island called
"Everything Mesh".
You like mesh Perry?
No, Bob, I don't.
Well, I didn't either at first.
But the boxers really breathe.
I can do it all.
Craig,
I thought I told you I never wanted
to see you in here again.
I'm sick.
I am now officially on the case.
Can I talk to you
in the hall for one second?
Sure.
Look, I know you and Craig
have a history,
but I'm sure you're swamped.
I don't mind taking this one.
No no, Craig was my patient before,
so he'll be my patient now.
Plus, if you don't treat him,
then he gets to get home
not smelling like cocoa butter.
Mock away, but do you
think it's an accident
that I have the complexion
of a -year-old Greek boy?
Don't get me wrong,
I still want you to be
a big part of Craig's treatment team.
Say hum, Craig?
Is there anything you want
Dr. Puberty Beard to go get for you?
A root beer, please.
Nice to have you on board.
You took the last two root beers.
- Give me one.
- No.
This one is for a patient,
and this one...
is for me.
The old "Lick the can,
so no one will want it" trick.
Too bad I b*at you to it.
Licked by Janitor.
You'll find the same note
on your cell phone.
Have you ever seen
such an angel?
Okay Teddy.
It's time to throw
down your power rap.
Wow, look at Ted go!
Can I help you?
No you cannot!
Yeah. Every time Ted
chickens out with a girl,
he goes straight to his bike
and pedals home.
Cherish the pain, Ted.
It means you're still alive.
I wish I could help
that bald sweaty bastard.
Maybe you and I could team up.
I bet you think I'm going to say no.
But let me tell you
something about the Dorians.
We trust. And we trust hard.
It's the reason why every single
Dorian has a loyal army of friends.
It's also why last weekend
I flew to the Ozarks
for a spontaneous water ski
getaway with Dr. Cox.
He was not there.
Nor was his lakeside cabin.
There had also been
talk of a tire swing.
- In or out?
- In.
- For Ted.
- For Ted.
Yo, chief.
For some reason, there are different
shift schedules floating around.
If you don't put out a new one,
you're going to get
every nurse showing up
at the same time.
I'm on it.
Okay. Last patient.
A pre-excitation of the ventricle
due to accessory pathway's
a condition called what?
It's Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome.
Nice job.
I'm out of time, so...
I'm going to go ahead and answer
these last questions myself.
Now what is...?
Let me finish.
What is Ebstein's anomaly?
Great job, group.
I appreciate the effort.
Now leave.
Not you.
You didn't raise your hand,
not even once.
I wasn't feeling it.
Well, it's perfectly
understandable, but...
for the record,
what is Ebstein's anomaly?
Yes, dark haired guy.
Oh, I thought it was just
the hand-rising part.
Okay, I know I was supposed
to read up on that.
But Dr. Cox, are you familiar
with those electronic trivia games
they have at bars?
Sure.
My buddies and I bought one
at a police auction,
and we've got this
really intense game going.
And they're going to call me
whenever my team's turn comes up.
Your laziness has finally
caught up with you.
But, no worries.
As your teacher,
I'm going to make sure
you get through all this because...
The next two days, you're going
to sit your ass in that chair,
and you are going to learn everything
there is to know about the human heart.
I'm going to come around, every once
in a while, and ask you questions,
and if you don't know the answer,
I'm going to take that textbook,
and I'm going to drive it through
your skull. How does that sound?
- Pretty frightening.
- Good luck.
Look, Ted. You're obviously upset
about the ukulele girl.
So, we've called a truce
to help you out.
I'm not upset.
Ted, we found you in a park,
throwing rocks at old couples.
Why should they be happy?
Come on, man!
You can get this girl.
No, no, no,
you don't understand!
If I even think about
a girl that hot,
I get the most unbelievable
dry mouth.
I mean, just picturing
her beautiful eyes and her cute sm--
What is that?
It's Jum and tonic.
Gin, rum and tonic.
Don't get him drunk.
He can barely talk as it is.
You don't get drunk on Jum.
It's a breakfast liqueur.
And you know what?
I don't like you telling me
what to do.
Truce off.
Truce on.
That was a patient's lab results.
And you cannot turn the truce off
whenever you want to.
- Sure you can.
- Fine, truce off.
No. Truce on!
Truce on! Truce on!
It's my latte.
And it's scolding hot.
Yeah it is.
Ted, do you want to get this girl?
Give her a present. Better yet,
a present that you made.
My first date with Lady,
I made her a duck I k*lled.
Now, you're thinking wouldn't it
have been more romantic
to k*ll it in front of her?
And yes, it would have.
And it was my plan.
But in the car, on the way over,
we kind of get into it, you know.
Maybe I was in a bad mood,
maybe he was, I don't know.
But one thing led to another, and then
we're off in the side of the road,
shirtless and...
seeing what's what.
Next thing I knew...
I'm really not comfortable
murdering for her.
Fine. The important thing
is to be confident.
When you talk to her,
you think about something, anything,
that puts you at a confident place.
The important thing is to be honest.
Just tell her how you really feel.
I don't want to talk about this anymore.
Yep, those are Jum legs.
All right, Craig.
Your CAT scan showed
large lymph nodes,
so you got to do a biopsy,
which means we're going to
make a little cut under your arm,
and take a tiny sample.
It's going to hurt?
A little bit, but...
it's okay cause I'm going to be
by your side the whole way.
You promise?
Yeah, I promise.
I got one thousand things
I got to attend to here,
I'll check in with you later.
Dr. Cox?
Yeah.
I'm scared.
Why don't you tell me
what's scaring you,
and we'll see what I can do
to make it better.
Okay, Ted.
I think we found a way to get you
over your fear of talking to this girl.
k*ll me?
Cause I'd be willing to try that.
No, Ted. You remember
when you were a kid
and your father threw you
in the deep end of the pool
to teach you how to swim?
Swim, Ted!
Hey.
Is our friend in there?
He's in the corner.
You just spooked him a little bit.
But if we're quiet,
he'll come out on his own.
Hey, guys.
Did you have something
you wanted to talk to me about?
And then Ted remembered what
the janitor had said about confidence.
And he knew that there was only
one situation where he actually had it.
Peons assemble!
I heard you playing yesterday
and thought you might
like to jam with us.
I'm Teddy Buckland by the way.
I'm Stephanie Gooch.
Well, Gooch.
See if you can keep up.
# Carry on my wayward son
# There'll be peace when you are done
# Lay your weary head to rest
# Don't you cry no more
# Once I rose above
the noise and confusion...
As I watched Ted, I realized that
a little confidence is a good thing.
But, as I saw Dr. Cox rush by,
it occurred to me that too much
can get you into trouble.
Because if you go around
plugging leaks all day,
Brian, the machine is broken.
There's no way there was
a president named Garfield.
Study, or get a book to the face.
you're bound to miss one.
Hey, if you're wondering,
this is what it looks like
when all the nurses show up at once.
I'll deal with it in a second.
And before you know it,
the flood gates open.
Where the hell is Craig?
Seventeen nurses took him down
for his biopsy at two o'clock.
It's past two already?
Then something big
falls through the cracks.
I will pick up Jack
after preschool today.
My massage is right by there.
I'm doing it. End of story.
Go away!
You're not my doctor anymore.
Puberty Beard is.
You know, Craig, i was kind of hoping
that nickname wouldn't stick.
Craig, I'm sorry. I just
got a little held up out there.
I know it's not the thickest beard.
It's not like, you know, Santa Claus.
You broke a promise.
Well, have it your way.
Just, real quick back to the beard,
you-- you want to touch it?
I really don't.
There is the stud muffin.
How'd it go with Gooch?
We jammed all night.
The two of us even sang one of
her songs which made me think
I might have a chance with her.
# I've got
# Too many questions in my mind
# I've got
# Too many answers to find
# Can I
# Give up all I've imagined?
# Am I
# magical enough for this to happen?
- # Because I like you
- # I like you
- # I like you
- # I like you
# And like can lead to like-like
# And like-like can lead to love
# Sure as the stars above,
- # I'd really like to kiss you
- # I'd really like to screw you
When we're singing, and the
band's around, everything's fine.
But as soon as we're alone,
I literally can't breathe.
Ted, you're never going to get
close to this woman
until you dig down deep,
and find the courage
to tell her how you really feel.
Yeah.
What do you got?
For the rest of your life,
percent of your communications
with this woman should be in song.
Loving it!
So how is your day going today,
any better?
I'm okay.
Oh, give it up.
Everybody knows you two are friends.
Oh, please, Carla.
I still hate Bobbo with a--
We're like brothers.
- I'm done hiding this, Perry.
- My head hurt.
Well, you wouldn't be so stressed out
if you let people help you.
Let me do the nurses schedule.
No.
You don't understand, Carla.
He has to control everything.
Good, you're here.
I'm surprised he doesn't try
to control the words I say.
I can control the words you say.
Say something annoying.
- I just--
- Ta-dah!
Look, I've said this before.
You cannot be Chief of Medicine
without giving something up.
I mean, why on earth
is he still teaching interns?
Because he loves teaching. He needs
to give up some of those patients.
What he needs to do is give up
some of the bureaucratic stuff.
Would you all be quiet for one second?
Hey Dorian.
Perry and I are like brothers now.
Bob, he's not going
to take that well.
I do everything for you
and you still won't let me in?
You now what, thank you, Perry.
Thank you for giving me my life back.
Because I am done.
- JD, he needs our help.
- I'm back in. I'm here for you buddy.
I don't need your help,
I am in control of everything.
Hello?
Daddy, you weren't here
to pick me up.
So I got scared and tried to find you.
- Jack?
- Daddy?
Hey, Perr'.
I'm alive!
You know. Last weekend, Perry and I
went to the movies together.
So?
Thought you'd be interested.
- Was it a romantic comedy?
- Yeah.
Maybe they're all right.
I have to give something up.
Sweety, I got to talk
to your dad for a second.
Go over there and staple some stuff.
Cool!
Perry, they don't know you like I do.
You're not capable of giving up on
anything that you care about.
Whether it's a patient, or your
never ending quest to please me.
I'm going to blow you away tonight.
I'm sure it'll be amazing.
My point is,
is that eventually
you balance things out.
Who cares if you can't pick
Jack up from preschool?
Just make sure that you're home
in time for his bedtime stories.
Thank you.
Hey guys!
I finally got a brother!
Kid's either a genius or an idiot.
Hey Ted, would you like
to get a cup of coffee some time?
Peons!
I was just thinking that maybe,
it could be the two of us.
I thought maybe we could
get to know each other.
You know, I'm an idiot.
I've been dropping all these
subtle hints that I like you.
Sideways glances, the secret smiles,
telling you I want to screw you.
You're clearly not interested.
Gooch!
I'm really not what
you would call a winner.
Oh sure, I'm a lawyer,
but that's only because
I took the Bar exam in Alaska,
and they only have like four laws
and most of them are about
when you can and cannot k*ll...
seals.
And if it seems like
I'm uninterested,
it's only because
I've no idea why you would like me.
I mean, you are the
most beautiful, perfect...
ukulele player I've ever seen.
And no that's not saying much,
because they're usually fat Hawaiians.
Still, I think what
I'm trying to say is...
Stephanie, I would love
to go and have coffee with you.
What time do you get off from work?
Who cares?
I guess you were right
about the whole honesty thing.
Well, he never would have gotten
to that point
if you hadn't told him
to be confident.
- We're a good team.
- Yeah.
Why is your hand wet?
Licked by Janitor.
I guess the truce is off.
I'd like to think
it was never really on.
I told you to leave me alone.
Yeah you did.
But I can't do that Craig.
I screwed up,
I broke a promise to you.
But I'm sorry.
I'm standing here
asking you to forgive me.
And I'm not leaving until you do.
Make him go away.
I can't, buddy.
I have a lot of patients to see.
You're stuck with him.
As I watched Dr. Cox,
I realized, he was going to do it all.
Even if it meant
compromising a little.
Like letting a close friend
cross the T's and dot the I's
Here is the first pass
of the nurses schedule.
Please feel free to make any changes
you want and put it out.
No problem.
Or deciding not to bother teaching
someone who doesn't want to be taught.
Time's up.
You patient has a sodium channel
abnormality in the cardiac tissue
which puts him at risk of
sudden death, what does he have?
Actually, I didn't get
to that chapter yet.
There was this trivia thing,
did you know
- James Garfield was our twenti--
- It's been two days. You're fired.
Still, it's all worth it
if you get home in time
to read stories to your son.
It's okay.
You'll try again tomorrow.
Come.
Aren't we gonna, you know...
have intercourse?
I would, but this isn't my fantasy.
It's that guy's.
He doesn't want to imagine me
doing that with anyone.
Oh what the hell.
Let's get free.
Oh, Ted. No, no!
What is that?
Is that your butt?
It is?