09x04 - George Green: Industrial Cock Inhaler

[bunniefuu]

[tires screeching]

I don't think you're
allowed, little buddy.

Make sure no security dicks
try to tow it, okay?

[goat bleating]

Actually... you're good.

No pictures of willy goats.

Come on, let's go see Trin.

[bleating]

Okay, let's try
and find Trin.

Sniff her out, little buddy.

[woman] Excuse me!
What are you doing?

It's okay.
It's not a dog.

- I know it's not a dog, but he gotta go.
- f*ck off.

- Is that marijuana?
- Yes, it is.

- It's a f*cking hospital.
- It's "medickinal".

Give that to me.
Your goat has to go, too.

[sigh]
Fine. Jesus Christ!

Sorry, Willy. Go eat
in the f*cking car, I guess.

I'll be back
in a minute. Now...

can you tell me
what room my gramson's in, please?

- Oh, you must be Ricky.
- Yeah.

Down the hall.
Room .

Thanks, gorgeous.
Go f*ck yourself.

[theme music plays]

Ahh, buenos díos,
Juliano.

Your Breakfast Bubb-rito, señor.
Enjoyo!

That looks f*cking
delicious, buddy.

[in low voice]
Look under the ham.

Right on, man.
Thank you.

Liquor piggies
in a blanket.

How much
do I owe you?

On top of the
I owe you,

which you're going to get back soon,
I promise you.

Ah, it's all right.

- This one's on the shed.
- [cat screeching]

[Randy]
For frig's sakes!

[Donna]
Jesus, Randy!

I never told you to throw the stuff
down the f*cking stairs!

Look at ya. You can't even do
one simple thing right.

Donna, I'm doing
the best that I can.

I don't know why Julian can't move
his own g*dd*mn stuff.

Would you take it
easy with that sh*t?

It's worth a lot of money,
you dumb ass!

It's heavy, too, Julian.

God knows you could use a workout there,
you hairy old whale.

Donna, please. He's trying to do
some f*cking work here.

Oh, my Christ, Donna
comin' down some hard on you, bitch.

How ya doin'
with your titties?

Randy, what
are you doing?

I'm moving Julian's
stuff for Donna.

Oh, Julian,
you're not leaving us, are you?

[sigh]
Yes, I am.

My time in Sunnyvale
has come to an end.

If this is about the
no liquor policy...

It has nothing
to do with that.

Oh, come on,
Julian, I mean...

After all, you
are part-owner.

Stay. The future's
bright here.

It hasn't been
this bright in a long, long time.

Jim... This is f*cking
k*lling me, man.

I'm going
to miss you.

You can't leave
Sunnyvale, Julian.

You are Sunnyvale.

[chuckle]
Jim, no.

We were Sunnyvale.

[choking up]
Yeah.

I've got to go.

Well, we are going to miss you,
Julian, aren't we, Jim?

[sighing]
See you, guys.

[Barb]
Bye.

[whimpers]

Hey! How is
the little guy?

He's a cute
little son of a whore, isn't he?

You guys got a name
thinked up for him yet?

Yeah, we're going
to call him Ray.

Are you kiddin'?
That's f*ckin' awesome.

The old man
would love that.

We thought you'd
like that, Ricky.

I'm putting it down on the birth
certificate application right now.

Speaking of the old man,
check it out.

Hair Bear.

I always had a Hair Bear growing up,
so I made one for him.

It works as a bottle, too, see?

- It's awesome! Thanks, Dad.
- That's...

It's real fur.
I plucked it out of Willy goat.

I can't wait for you guys to get the f*ck
out of this sh*thole

and come live with me.

I wanted to talk
to you about that.

Um... Where are we
going to live exactly?

You, know, the baby needs somewhere safe
and somewhere clean,

and so we
were thinking

that Trin and the
baby and I would...

No, no, no.
No f*ckin' way.

[knocking on door]

[George speaks gibberish]

Oh, look who it is,
with his little store-bought bear.

My gramson is not staying
with that industrial cock inhaler.

- f*ck that!
- It's just till you get settled.

Rick, you don't
have a car seat.

You don't
have a crib.

You don't even
have a bottle.

There's a bottle
right f*cking there.

Okay, fine.
You've got a bottle.

How are you going to
take care of a baby?

Knock, knock.

Well, this should be
good. Who's there?

The motel that Julian just bought.
So f*ck yourself.

That's not a "who".
That's a "where".

It doesn't matter,
sh*t bleach.

What does matter, there's rooms there
for all of us except you.

- So f*ck off.
- Yeah, clever, Rick.

Okay, look.
Right here I've got a list.

This is all the stuff
that babies need.

Get the list
and we'll talk.

All right.

Where would I find
a die-a-purse?

[chuckling]
Diapers, Ricky. Diaper.

Are you going
to be banging him?

Oh, my f*ck!
Make my words:

that baby will be
staying at the motel.

You can put that down in your little
word-form, Jacob,

as the baby's address:
the f*cking motel

'cause that's where
the baby's going to be f*cking staying.

[Ricky]
f*ck!

[Bubbles]
Hey, Julian.

I brought you
a liquor-rito.

Oh, thank f*ck, man!

You know, that was pretty awesome
what you did with Lahey there.

The way you were pretending to have Randy
move your stuff out.

Totally believable.

I bet you he thinks
you're really leaving.

But you're not, right?

Bubbs, look, I would love to stay,
man, but I can't.

Yes, you can,
Julian. Look.

The little bottles
are just a start.

I can get a -ouncer
into the park.

It has nothing to do with that,
man. It's time.

This motel is a great
f*cking opportunity for me, man.

For... for all of us.

And I want you to come, too.

How the f*ck am I supposed to just
pack up and leave?

I've got shed
payments to make,

I've got kitties
and seniors depending on me,

and a pretty decent job.

I can't go out to
the f*cking motel,

cars whipping by
on the highway.

And it's ground zero
for Samsquamptch territory.

I wouldn't be able to sleep.
Come on, just stay here.

Bubbs, this isn't going to be forever,
okay? It's just for now.

[J-Roc]
Hey, exchoo me, Julian.

Party bus pizzacked.
We ready to bounce, huh?

[Julian] Bubb, I gotta go.

All right?
Love you, buddy.

Love you, too.

All right boys,
let's huddle up!

Everybody come
out here. Come on.

- [J-Roc] Hey, Julian.
- What?

This motel more like a Hello-no-tel,
you know'm sayin'?

It's f*ckin' scary Busey up in here.

Even ghosts be, like,
"We the f*ck out, dawg!"

What the f*ck are you
talking about, J-Roc?

Paint peelin' up
in there, dawg,

it's cold as f*ck,
you know'm sayin'?

The carpet smell like a tuna melt
with a side salad of sh*t, dawg.

Yeah, man, Tommy Bean must've jacked
all the pipes out of every room,

'cause you can't
even take a poop.

I mean, you can poop,
but there's no running water.

I know all that.
What kind of sh*t did you guys find?

Here the good news first off,
you know'm sayin'?

Roc Vodka intact.

Ain't nobody touched the Booberry,
you know'm sayin'?

But other mahfuckas left
some sh*t that's cray!

Yeah, like,
there's some sh*t

from a children's
play and some sh*t.

Remember when
Aristocrat closed down?

All that sh*t,
talkin' about stripper poles and sh*t,

sound systems and sh*t,
speakers and sh*t.

- All that sh*t.
- There's some landscaping sh*t.

There's, like, some weed-whackers
and sh*t, lawnmowers and sh*t.

Then there's
a room with just some crazy sh*t,

like slingshots and sh*t
and a*mo and sh*t.

- Other sh*t.
- And check out this sh*t.

The dude left some
' s p*rn and sh*t

like "Star Whores",
"Top Gunt", you know what I'm sayin'?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We got lots of valuable sh*t.

This is good.
Hey, Ricky.

- What's up, bud?
- How's it going?

How's it
looking, boys?

Well, to be honest with you,
the motel's a bit of a bust.

Sayin'... But If you want
to get back in the hydroponics game,

we did find some sh*t
for that, though.

f*ck, I wish, but
I'm not breaking the law anymore.

- [laughter]
- I'm serious. I'm f*cking out.

- [laughing louder]
- Boys, I'm f*cking serious.

How's the rest of
it looking, though?

I'm not going to lie to you, man.
This place is f*cked!

Jesus Christ,
Julian.

I told Trin she could
live here with the baby.

- It was f*cking awesome.
- But, it has potential.

No, man. There's no running water.
You can't even take a poop.

- sh*t!
- Who gives a f*ck about running water?

I have running
water in my car.

Santa Jesus God never had running water,
he turned out okay.

All right, this is
what we're going to do.

J-Roc, I want you and the Rocpile
to take the party bus,

go drum up some business.
We're gonna have an auction, boys.

- Just like Storage Wars.
- Dope idea, dawg.

We've got to get rid of this sh*t
as fast as we can

before the people that own the sh*t
come back looking for the sh*t.

- A'ight, let's boss.
- Know what I'm saying?

Then we'll take
all the money

and we'll fix this place up.
Don't worry about it.

I hope so, Julian.
It's got to happen fast, though, man.

It's going to happen fast.
How's Willy doing?

He's good but he keeps eating
all my f*cking potato chips!

You don't feed him potato chips.
He's a goat.

Feed him carrots
and celery and sh*t.

Dumb ass!

Going through this list of stuff
that Lucy told me to get for the baby,

some of it's pretty easy
but some of it is f*cked!

Like a "pacificker".

How the f*ck am I supposed
to get a baby an ocean?

Clothies. Well, I've
got lots of those.

Basically, just like rags.

Baby whips. I'm not getting
f*cking baby whips.

Never got whipped when I was a kid
and I turned out f*cking awesome.

The toughest one on here:
running water.

I mean, I get it,
I guess, for a baby

but I didn't know the f*cking
place needed to be so fancy.

I'm going to do the best I can
with this f*cking list.

I don't want to go to Lucy and ask
what some of this sh*t means

'cause I'll look dumb.

This room looks like
it's the most un-f*cked.

This would be perfect
for Baby Ray.

- That's going to be his name?
- Yeah.

That's f*cking cool.
All right, Cory,

go room to room,
take a detailed inventory.

Okay.

Um, what's inventory?

I... I totally forget.

How f*cking stupid
are you, Cory?

You don't know
what inventory is?

- Tell him, Julian.
- Inventory.

You go room to room,
take a detailed list of everything

so we know what
the f*ck we have.

- [Jacob] Hey, guys.
- Hey, dude.

Do you want
to help me take an inventory?

You go room to room
and take a detailed list

- of everything we f*cking have.
- No, he can't.

He's coming to the park with me
to get all the baby sh*t.

Sorry, Cory.

Oh, dude, man, what's up?

I never see you anymore ever.

What happened
to "brothers before mothers"?

I know, man.
I'm a boyfriend and a father now.

I've got responsibilities.

Big ones, important ones...

Go take Willy for a piss.
We've got to go.

See what I mean?

What? You can take
Willy for a piss

but you can't take me?

f*cking bullshit.

- [knocking on door]
- Come in.

Hey, Mr. Lahey.
Doing your "suduko"?

No...

Barb thinks it's
a waste of time

and I tend to
agree with her.

- You used to love those things.
- Yeah...

Can I help you?

- Can I ask you a question?
- Anything.

[exhaling]

Do you ever wish that things could just
be the way they were?

Randy, change is good.

It's the only constant.
Truth be told...

I don't want you to take
this the wrong way, I've...

I've never been happier
in my entire life.

People can't just
change, Mr. Lahey.

Think of everything we did.

You know, Randy...
[clearing throat]

sometimes...

I'm not sure that I ever really
was that way.

I think it was
just the liquor talking, bud.

[door opening, closing]

[beatboxing]

[Over bullhorn] Hey, let me all axe y'all
something right quick.

Is y'all down wit
saving skrilla?

[various]
Yeah!

Me, too, b*tches,
you know'm sayin'?

That's why
y'all hoes and homies

better board the bus
to Bizzargainville, y'all!

You know'm sayin'? We 'bout to get
our auction on, you know'm sayin'?

All kinds of sh*t gonna be on the block.
Free transportation.

All merchandise must go. And free drinks.
Do y'all like free drinks?

- Yeah!
- Me, too.

So come on, hoes and homies
one and all, you know what I mean?

Hey, C.
Yeah, Tombolopolous.

Yeah. Listen, bro. I think I know
how we can get our sh*t back.

Yeah.
I'll be in touch, bro.

[J-Roc over bullhorn]
Wassup? Board the party bus.

You want some drinks,
y'all, huh?

You want some drinks,
y'all, huh?

Wassup, banana shirt, huh?

You like savings,
don't you, bitch?

Who else wants some free
drin-win-in-win-in-iiinks?

[loud rock music
playing outside]

[ ♪♪♪ ]

What are you
doing, Richard?

Partying. You should
try it sometime.

You can't
come in here.

I know. That's why I'm out here.
But he can come in.

Jacob, go to my trailer and get
all the stuff for Baby Ray, please.

- Got it.
- Hold it there, Stretch.

- Spread 'em.
- [music clicks off]

I'm going to be keeping
a very close watch on you, Richard.

- [music resumes]
- What's that, Colonel Fucksterd?

Can't hear you, bud.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

- [air raid siren wailing]
- Jesus Christ!

Turn that f*cking thing off,
you German whore-bitch!

f*ck off!

What were you saying?
I couldn't hear you over the siren.

- I was trying to f*cking say...
- [wailing resumes]

Christ!

- [siren wailing]
- [loud music playing]

Jesus Christ, Barb,
I don't know what to tell you, okay?

I'm trying my best.

I just don't have the money.

Bubbles, I'm sorry, but those
sales percentages are way overdue!

You know,
when you start a new business,

it f*cking takes
a little while to get it going,

- you know.
- Yeah, I know, I know.

But I also know that I have told you
three times about this.

Now I have stuck my neck way out
for you, Bubbles.

When am I going
to see some money?

Look, Furnando Valensuello
sliced his paw on a f*cking rusty can,

so I had to use
all the money on his needles.

Cash flow's just
a little tight but I'm good for it.

I am going to need some money
by the end of the day, Bubbles.

End of the day!
[sigh]

f*ck you very much.

You were so firm.

You handled that
really well.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I used to like it when you were firm,
Jim Lahey.

- Oh, I can still be firm...
- [giggling]

...when provoked.

I think maybe we might
need a little...

owners meeting tonight.
Do you think?

Well, maybe I could
bring along the head of the board.

The hea...

- My penis.
- Oh, Jim!

[both laugh]

[Cory]
Jules.

Inventory's done, dude.
It's all listed right here.

Nice work, Cory.
Now, I've got another job for you.

This one's an important one.

Awesome! What do
you want me to do?

- What's with the suit?
- Here. Put that on and I'll tell you.

It's the oldest
trick in the book.

I'm going to plant
Cory in the crowd

so we can drive the prices up
during the auction.

For some reason,
Cory seems like he's on these days.

It seems like he's getting smarter
or something.

Hey, what about the tags, dude?
Should I keep them or...

What the f*ck
do you think, Cory?

Do you have
any scissors?

Just rip the
f*cking things off.

- [sigh]
- If he fucks this up,

I may k*ll him.

Just rip the
f*cking tags off!

- Hey.
- Whoa, whoa.

Where the f*ck are you going
with all this stuff, Jacob?

I worked hard to
put that nursery together.

I'm taking it to Ricky
down at the gate.

It's for the baby
at the motel.

Oh, no, that's not
what it's for.

It's for the baby's
room here at the park.

Do you really think he's going to go
live at the motel?

He doesn't have a choice.
He's just a baby.

Not him, you
stunned twat. Ricky.

Is Ricky going to move
to the motel for real?

[sighing]
I suppose so.

It seems like
our only option.

Here, grab an
end of the cart.

It's a shopping
cart crib.

It's on wheels.
Just roll the f*cking thing.

Okay.

Here, help me get it
down the stairs.

Don't boss me
around, Jacob.

A'ight...
y'all sluts got to see

the contents of the storage locker
right quick, know what I mean?

Long enough to know
there's some dope-ass sh*t up in there.

So let's start the bidding
at... a thousand, huh?

Gimme a thousand, what?
Gimme a thousand, yo!

I want a thousand, hah!
Gimme a thousand, yo!

- Gimme eight hundy-dawg!
- , !

What about ?
Sayin'... sayin'...

- , know what I mean...
- , .

J-Roc, dude, , .

, , then, from...

the bespectacled Waldo
in the oversized suit.

, . So I guess
I'm looking for , ?

. Somebody give me .
Sayin', sayin'.

, know what I mean? ...

, !

[J-Roc]
, .

I didn't have , but do I have $ ,
from one of y'all mahfuckas?

[siren wailing]

Holy f*ck!
What is going on with the noise?

Not that bad with ear plugs, Bubbs.

- Want some marshmallows?
- No, Ricky...

Jacob, go and
deal with that.

Will you put that siren
up your arse, please?

[siren stops]

Calm it down here!

That's better.
How's it going, Bubbs?

How's it going?

Ricky, honestly,
it's... it's not going great, okay?

The park's really...
lonely without you and Julian.

Are you guys really
just giving up on living here?

You know what, Bubbs?

f*ck this place. f*ck Lahey.
f*ck that army d*ck.

This place used to be awesome, but now
it sucks whale cocks!

It doesn't have to.
I mean...

this is where we grew up.
This is our home.

This is where we
belong, all of us.

Can you honestly
tell me

that you don't
care about living here anymore?

[sigh] Of course I wish
I could live here.

Of course I wish
it was d*ck-free.

And I wish it was
still a place we could get wasted

and know you'd wake up somewhere
safe in the morning.

But it's not.
Not with dicks like that

running the f*cking show!

Bubbs, I can't
even go in here anymore. Watch.

Take it easy there,
applejack-ass.

I'm just paving
a f*cking point!

See?

I'll see you soon, okay?

I need you to come by
tomorrow and fix some plumbing.

Come on!
Who's got your belly?

Diddle-iddle-iddle-lee!

Yep. Go ahead, Ricky,
you get my belly.

- Get it.
- Diddle. Diddle-iddle-iddle.

I just wish
you had my back.

Hey, are you ready
to be p*rn again?

So somehow, the bid for the greasy
contents of storage locker number

is currently at
, mahfuckas.

Do I hear , ?
sayin' , sayin'...

Okay, no surprise, another
bid from f*cking Vanilli.

I'm calling bullshit!

Why does that guy keep
bidding against himself?

Don't blame it
on me, dawg.

- Blame it on the rain.
- This is f*cked!

It's not f*cked, dude.
I'm not even buying this sh*t.

[Julian]
Cory...

Julian just had
me put on a suit

and drive the prices up.
It's working.

- So it's not f*cked.
- No, I didn't.

I don't even know
this f*cking guy.

Dude, yeah, you do.
Look, it's me, it's Cory.

Hey, uh,
do I hear , ?

- Sayin' , sayin', sayin' ...
- [g*nshots]

No, but you hear a "f*ck off"!

Who in the firemen's f*ck said you could
auction off my sh*t?

Yeah, you bought this sh*thole,
not the sh*t in it, Julian.

Put the slingshot
down, Tommy.

[man]
Hold on!

You f*ckers are auctioning off sh*t
you don't even own?

- [Cory] Yeah, exactly.
- [Julian] No.

Who the f*ck
are you, man?

- [mixed shouts]
- Hey! Hey! Hey!

[mixed yelling]

What the f*ck kind of a greasy nightmare
horror show is going on here?

- Is that f*cking Dominus?
- It is.

[continued yelling]

[Ricky]
Hey! Calm the f*ck down!

Okay, hey! What the
f*ck is going on here?

We bought sh*t
from these storages lockers,

which they
don't even own

and now this prick
is saying it's theirs.

That's because
it's this prick's sh*t, d*ck.

[Ricky] Okay, let me
get this right.

Who the f*ck bought
stuff here?

[man]
I did.

[Ricky] And who's saying
this sh*t's theirs?

Okay, sounds like the problem's
between you two guys,

not these people. If I was you,
I wouldn't f*cking stand for it.

- Who?
- All of you's.

All of you need to f*ck off so we can
get our sh*t back!

It's not your
sh*t anymore!

Julian, talk to you for a minute,
man-o-mano?

- What?
- Listen, buddy.

I, uh, I'm gonna need
those tapes back.

They're very important to me,
like, very f*cking important.

- Why is that?
- Well, let's just say,

I did some things with four or five girls,

a couple of them
turned out to be dudes.

- Oh, man, that sucks!
- Yeah, I know.

It wasn't my best
f*cking work.

I'm not that proud of it,
I can tell you that.

- What's it worth to you?
- That's the thing.

I ain't got no f*ckin' money
on me right now.

You've got the g*n.
That's worth something.

- You're sh1tting me, right?
- It's a start.

f*ck. Whatever, man.

Get the f*ck off my property
or else I'm going to release

your little f*ck-tapes
to the entire world.

- Oh, it's like that, is it?
- It's like that!

Obviously you f*cking
don't remember who the f*ck I am!

I know who you are.
You're the f*cking star of "Top Gunt".

- Oh, really?
- Is that the one with the dudes in it?

- f*ck you!
- No, f*ck you!

Get the f*ck
out of here!

- Don't f*cking push me, man!
- Yeah?

You see anything here you'd like
to take a little suck on or anything?

f*ckin' blow me, Ricky!

See how the rocket's my cock?
I want you to suck it!

Cyrus, you do pretty good work
in the cockpit, from what I seen!

[laughter]

Nice one, Rick.

What the f*ck went down here?
Jesus Christ!

Tell me you made a lot
of money, at least.

- J-Roc?
- We made...

just about
mahfuckas!

That's it?
Are you f*cking kidding me?

Unless you count
grand that Cory bid,

which I don't 'cause
it wasn't real.

That's great, Julian.

How the f*ck are we supposed to fix up
the motel now for my family?

It's a good start, Rick.

[Ricky]
Bullshit.

We'll see you in three days, Grace.

I really want to work
those tight spots next time aggressively.

[Grace]
I can't wait.

- Donna, we need to talk!
- Randy, I'm at work!

It's going to
have to wait.

[Randy] You know what?
It's not going to wait!

I'm sick of you treating me
like garbage.

And in front of all
these people, too.

I don't deserve it.
I'm not going to stand for it.

- You need to apologize.
- You're right, Randy,

- I'm sorry.
- You are?

I'm sorry we can't see each other anymore.
We're through!

- What? Why?
- Right up until now

we've been friends
with benefits,

and now even the benefits suck.

I'm not getting anything out of this.
It's over!

Donna,
are you okay?

Yeah! It actually
felt really good.

Oh, Donna, we are
so proud of you

for being strong enough to say
what you really need!

Thank you.

And just so you know,
my benefits don't suck!

I've been told
I'm good at doing stuff to people!

What a whiny little bitch.
[scoffs]

[whimpering]

[Randy]
For frig's sakes!

This is friggin' bullshit!

Friggin' bitchy slut!

What the f*ck are
you doing, Randy?

Keep it down.
What's wrong?

- What isn't wrong, Bubbles?
- Everything's sh*t!

Hey, no liquor
in the park.

I've got to
confiscate that.

God, just wait now, Randy.

You could...
you could confiscate it...

Or you could...

confiscate it down
into your belly.

Let it wash the pain away.

- Come on.
- All right.

Gimme a friggin' drink of this sh*t.

[exhaling]

Randy...
[sigh]

- I've got cups.
- [long exhale]

Now you've got
your mouth-juice all over it.

[sighing]

Wash that pain away.

[whispering]
Check it out, dude.

- Want to hold him?
- No, dude.

Come on, just take him.

No, no.
No, no, no.

- I-I can't.
- Yeah, yeah, you can.

Oh... hey, dude.

Give him a little fist-pump.

Okay.

Hey... Hey.

It's pretty
dope, dude.

- Thanks, man.
- Nice job.

I'm an uncle, man.

Ta-dah!

I've still got to figure out
the water and sh*t.

- What do you think?
- I think it looks pretty f*cking amazing.

This is going to make
a great nursery.

I was thinking more
of a baby's room

but, yeah, we could plant
some trees in here.

Help the baby's
breathing, for sure.

- Do you want to smoke a joint?
- Yeah, sure.

- Needs to "christian" the place.
- Look...

I know I didn't make nearly as much money
today at the auction

as I hoped for, but...

this place isn't so bad, man.

- I think we're going to be okay, buddy.
- Me, too.

[cr*ck of fuses blowing out]

[Julian] f*cking Tommy!

[Ricky] Ah, son of a co-o-o-ock!

[seabirds squawking]

[fish]
f*ck! f*ck! f*ck off! f*ck...

[whisper]
Fucka.