01x02 - Dickscovery

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Generation". Aired: March 11, 2021 to present.*
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Ensemble centering around high school students exploring sexuality in a modern world.
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01x02 - Dickscovery

Post by bunniefuu »

♪♪

[Scanner beeps]

["Jingle Bells" plays]

Are those yours, too?

- W-What?
- Are the scissors yours?

Yeah, it's all mine.

- Unless you have bigger scissors.
- Bigger?

For a-a cord-thing that might be
hard to cut through.

What's the cord-thing made of?

Never mind. What else
do you need for a baby?

Um, I don't know. Food?

sh*t, you're right. Where do I get that?

No, she won't call her parents.
Get here now!

- [Clattering]
- f*ck! sh*t!

I don't care how cute
the guy at Lush is!

How old is the baby?

It's, uh, about to be born.

'Cause I don't think they start
eating this kind of food

until they're, you know, older.

f*ck me. f*ck! f*ck me!

[Breathing heavily]

- Does it matter what kind?
- It's by age.

And yeah, it matters because
you should be breastfeeding.

Well, maybe she has clogged
milk ducts from a weak latch.

It's not for me,
and she's not gonna breastfeed.

She doesn't even want the baby. Jesus!

- ♪ Dashing through the snow
- [Breathing heavily]

In a one-horse open sleigh

If my friend had,
like, a major emergency

and couldn't make it to the sale today,

would you ever let her
have the sale price tomorrow?

- No.
- [Scoffs] Okay.

Well, my friend is about to give birth,

so thank you very much for
having such a big f*cking heart.

- [Knocking]
- Hey! Hey!

Hey, hey!

My friend is in there!

Well, you better tell her to come out,

because that's a handicapped restroom,

- and it needs to be free for...
- [Girl groaning]

...actual handicapped people.

You're not supposed to
say "handicapped"!

- It is so offensive!
- That's not true.

If there's someone else in there,

they'll both be escorted
down to the security office,

and their parents will be notified.

She's on her period! Oh, my God!

And she's bleeding and puking,

and I went to get her tampons and Aleve.

And what if she is handicapped?
How do you know?

Can you imagine being handicapped

and having your period?

Do you even know how hard that would be?

I see Oreos.

Excuse me, sir, do you have a period?

Because maybe you don't know
what you need.

I do know you don't need Oreos
for a menstrual situation,

but if you're in there
smoking joints, you might.

Can you please explain to me
what a "menstrual situation" is?

Exactly. So, can you please
just stop discriminating

against women and wheelchair people

and let me take care of my friend

and her bleeding vag*na?

- Thank you very much.
- [Moaning]

It's me.

I think it's starting to come out!

...open sleigh

♪ Heh, heh ♪

♪ Hey, a poppin' bitch ♪

DOCTOR: I'm getting squirted
on my scrubs.


We've got a squirter!

RILEY'S MOM: Did you ask your dad

to give you money for Photo Club?

Uh-huh.

What did I just say?

I don't know. Something naggy.

♪ Like I said, get it poppin', bitch ♪

♪ Now hands up ♪

I don't think I'm doing it right.

Like this?

[Funky music plays]

WOMAN: Yeah, just like that.

- You like it?
- Mm-hmm.


[Moaning]

You're a good teacher.

- [Gasps]
- [Moans]

[Both moaning]

- [Ad playing]
- No, no, no, no.

MAN: Whips, chains, and handcuffs.

[Overlapping chatter, ads chiming]

Oh, sh*t.

Ugh! f*ck.

- sh*t.
- [Emojis popping]

Oh, my God.

♪ When I come through,
why you get uncomfortable? ♪

No, no, no, no, no.

♪ Get it poppin', bitch ♪

[Groans]

f*ck.

♪ You a poppin' bitch ♪

No, no, no, no, no!

Oh, my God!

[Sighs]

[Keyboard clicking]

Oh.

[Muffled scream]

DOCTOR: I'm getting squirted
on my scrubs!


We've got a squirter!

God. Oh, why?

- You don't think it's cute?
- No! Stop! Ew.

Are you home for dinner?

Yes, I am, but don't...
don't make the beans.

- Okay.
- And you know what?

And wash my clothes if
you're gonna wear them.

Really. Or else I smell
like Old Spice and hormones.

[Chuckles]

I'm getting squirted on my scrubs.

We've got a squirter!

♪ Only ever been a poppin' bitch ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ A poppin' bitch ♪

NATHAN: Hey, can you come here a sec?

NAOMI: No, I don't
want to catch pinkeye.

I told you, it's not pinkeye.
I just got something in it.

I just want to show you that
I deleted the hickey pic.

♪♪

Show me your Recently Deleted.

♪ Hey, where my poppin' b*tches at? ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah-ah-ah ♪

Oh, my God.

Are you male-model posing?

It was a joke.

- Okay, so the thing about my eye...
- Whatever.

Just tell me, did you
actually touch a d*ck?

- Yes. So...
- Oh, my God.

Was it d*ck pic guy?

Because did you notice that guy

has a birthmark near his d*ck,

and the birthmark
looks like a tiny d*ck?

Literally. I am not even kidding.

- It is a d*ck next to a d*ck.
- [Horn honking]

Chill the fetch out! We're coming!

DOCTOR: I'm getting squirted
on my scrubs.


Who even likes these videos?
White people?

- White people are just so f*cked up.
- PATRICK: Wow.

Today's Club Fair. You should join BSU.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Arianna, are you gonna join any clubs?

Oh, Dad, let me just think for a second.

No, I'm not.

Well, in my day, extracurriculars

were helpful for college applications.

For me, it's about all the
causes I want to do, you know?

I can't do all of them, though,
'cause I'm in clubs.

You need a time-turner. [Chuckles]

Yeah, uh, no,
you can't say that anymore.

- PATRICK: You can't?
- DELILAH: No. You know.

J.K. Rowling? Transphobic.

Plus the whole q*eer-baiting thing.

But, like, how do I choose?

You know, 'cause mental health
awareness is a big one for me,

but su1c1de Prevention
meets at the same time

as Girls' League
and Animal Empathy Club,

so how am I supposed to pick
between feminism, animal rights,

and stopping kids
from k*lling themselves?

How... How did she
q*eer-bait, by the way?

Oh, by saying after the fact that

- Dumbledore and Grindelwald are gay.
- Ugh.

But not, like, having-sex gay, right?

'Cause that's nasty.

- PATRICK: I hate teenagers.
- Oh, come on!

Who wants to see an old man

choking on another old man's d*ck?

Okay, Delilah, is there
any sort of LGBT club?

♪ A poppin' bitch, eh, eh ♪

♪ Be a poppin' bitch ♪

♪ Ey, ey, baby, I'm a poppin' bitch ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, a poppin' bitch ♪

♪ Play some Baby in the club,
get it poppin', bitch ♪

Did you know the owner of Segway d*ed

when he accidentally drove
a Segway off a cliff?

Hmm. I did not know that, no.

- Hi!
- Hi.

Where are we with the rooftopping?

Look, I... Oh, my God.

See, and you know
I'm all about the truth,

so maybe we move on, okay?

SAM: I don't feel like
moving on just yet.

You wanna know why I do it?

We can start there, yeah.

To feel alive.

What do you do to feel alive?

dr*gs.

Which is my name for watching
"How Stella Got Her Groove Back"

twice last week.

For the Taye Diggs shower scene?

I just like the movie.

Hmm.

That's pretty embarrassing.

- Thank you. Nice swim cap.
- Thanks.

It's a water polo Club Fair thing.

You should come see me play sometime.

You belong to any other clubs?

Oh. Okay.

So, like, "be a joiner"?

Or like, "If he's busy,
he won't rooftop."

- What about the GSA?
- First of all,

the woman who runs it is so cringe,

she literally drove
all the gay kids away.

I'm not kidding.

Also, the whole GSA thing
is so ' s and so... binary,

and, like, do we really
need another bake sale

to benefit sad gay people in Chechnya?

I told you, she's a bitch.

My family's actually from Chechnya.

Black Russians exist.

I wasn't...

[Chuckling] Yeah,
my family's from Irvine.

I'm just messing with you.

Oh. Your face.

Black Russians exist?

[Laughs] God damn.

Close your mouth.

You know, I would be more open
to joining the GSA

if there were a new faculty advisor.

They would have to be q*eer, of course,

but the only other
out teacher is Mr. Lee,

and his nipple ring
shows through his polos,

so that really wouldn't work.

Also, I saw him yell at a dog once.

But, um... what about you?

CHESTER: Free Hug Club!

Now only hugging with radical consent!

- GIRL: Delilah!
- Oh, be right there!

Just going to Dolls with Balls
and Planeteers!

Come join our shirtless
gay massage club!

Dude.

Fine, do Film Club. Be pretentious.

And don't expect to come out
of there and be dateable!

Jack, you gotta go to the next level!

Oh, I'm not doing that!

But you have to.

I just snapped you.

- Come on. They're gonna run out.
- Okay.

Hold on. I gotta snap her back.

It's a two-year streak.

Also, I need to be on her good side

so she's not mad
when I tell her about Jack.

Dude, she's gonna be mad
about him no matter what.

Ooh! Animal Rights Club.

I love animals. Save the animals!

Yeah. [Laughs]

"I prefer circumcised to uncircumcised."

Strongly agree.

Doesn't uncircumcised mean d*ck cheese?

[Groans]

Also, isn't everyone circumcised now?

Here, but not in France.

There, it's all about stinky cheese.

I cannot! Ew.

I have a good feeling about Jack's.

Seriously, I feel slut energy
radiating from you.

Oh! Really?

You're like a slut phoenix

rising from the ashes of being a virgin.

- [Bell dings]
- Oh, f*ck.

- What?
- I have to go to the gay club,

or my dads will cut off my finances.

[Sighs] Boo.

I want you limping
the next time I see you.

Okay! Bye, bitch!

["Born This Way" plays]

♪ I'm on the right track, baby ♪

- ♪ I was born this way ♪
- [Laughs]

Come on in! Wave your freak flag!

Or just be an ally to a Freak Flagger!

Did she just say "fagger?"

Maybe?

Ooh, there ain't no other way

Baby, I was born this way

Baby, I was born this way

Don't be a drag.

Be a queen.

Baby, I was born this way

I'm on the right track, baby

Good to see you here.

Good to see you here.

But, ooh, baby girl, you need people.

It looks like Prom at conversion camp.

Ooh. Can we go to Theater Club next?

- I like how Sophie Deichman-Alperstein...
- [Cellphone chimes]

- ...is dressing kinda slutty now.
- Yes.

This was totally worth the creep factor.

RILEY: Chester says come to
GSA for chocolate.

Did he say me too?

Come on. Come on. Thank you.

Yes, thank you, and praise the Elders!

Why are Mormons always so hot?

[Gasps] Wait. The Jew meeting.

We have to go. I love their food.

Like... Like, the kanishey thingies.

- Mm.
- Oh, my God.

It is Sophie Deichman-Alperstein,

and she is wearing knee-high socks.

[Muffled] Oh, my God.

You are puberty.

Come on. Let's go to the GSA.

- Right now.
- Okay.

Come on.

- H-Hi.
- Hey, Jack.

Can I talk to you for a sec?

- Yes.
- Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna go over there.

Dude, you're not texting me back.

Yeah, sorry, my phone's been,
like, super weird.

Yeah, I kinda feel bad about Naomi.

Yeah. Y-Y-You don't mean like...

like, "say something to her"
feel bad, right?

'Cause, like, I had
the same thing of, like,

you know, maybe I should tell her,

- but then I was like...
- Wait, wait, wait.

So, you were gonna tell her?

No. No, no, no, no, no.

Um... Are... Are... Are you?

YOUNG MAN: Jack!

I gotta go.

- Stop. Stop. He won't say anything.
- [Groans]

Come on. Let's go stress-eat chocolate.

RILEY: Okay. Let's go.
That's what we need.

- That's what we need. Come on, horsey!
- [Grunts, laughs]

Come on, horsey!

Whoo! Go!

Show time, people!

- You coming in?
- Come on!

Oh, come on. Join us!

There we go. It's a packed house.

Oh, come on. Coming in doesn't
mean coming out, you know.

Ooh, there ain't no other way

Baby, I was born this way

Just grab a seat wherever you're...

[Button clicks, music stops]

Okay. So!

Maybe we can all introduce
ourselves with a fun fact.

Ooh, can I start?

I'm Arianna, and my fun fact is
my parents are gay.

Hey, wow. That's very special.

Yeah, um, they freaked out

over a couple of jokes I made
this morning

and said if I didn't come,

- they'd stop paying for my phone.
- Oh.

And then I recently learned
that they're thinking of

bringing a third
into their relationship.

They read my texts, so I was like,

"Let me return the favor."

Apparently, when you're gay,

your slut phase lasts
even after you get married.

Okay! Okay! Thank you. Thank you.

Let's... Let's try
something besides fun facts.

How about, uh, astrological signs?

Like... I'm Sam. I'm a Virgo.

Some people say that
it's the snobbiest sign,

but obviously,
those people have bad taste.

[Chuckles]

- Thank you.
- Oh! I get it now.

Thank you.

Hi! Uh, I'm Chester. I'm a Scorpio.

Uh... if you hurt me,
I'll pretend to be unbothered

and then literally k*ll you.

Who wants to be friends?

[Alarm blares]

WOMAN OVER P.A.: Teachers and
students, may I have your attention?


The school is in lockdown.

sh*t on my d*ck!

Everyone stay calm!

Okay, please, I'm begging you,
just remain calm!

SAM: Someone grab the blinds.

I'm gonna give you a notebook
to write your name in.

Pass it along.

Oh. Okay. Come on. Come on.

Okay, I'm sure they'll tell us
soon if this is a drill.

Let's take this seriously,
everyone, but not panic.

- Please don't panic!
- Yeah, don't panic.

There are a ton more panic-worthy things

happening in the world,

like animals go extinct every day,

and every . seconds,
someone dies of starvation.

These are good things to panic about.

Pan-ic. Health-i-ly. Peo-ple.

Chester. Come on. Sit down.

Listen, the bad news is, this sucks.

The good news is,
you're locked in a room

with a licensed counselor.

Well, some of you might
consider that bad news.

In any case, there's a spot
here next to me

if anyone wants to talk about anything.

Or not.

[Bag thuds]

[Cellphones swish, chime]

A woman sunbathing was fatally stabbed

when the wind blew a beach
umbrella into her chest.

A man in Iceland fell
into an active volcano

while taking a selfie.

Yeah. [Speaking native language]

GRETA: Ana, it's okay.

It's probably just a drill.

- ANA: Should I come to get you?
- No, you...

They won't let you come to the school.

I know you're worried.

[Cellphone beeps]

I love you a lot, too.

[Crying] I'm freaking out.

I'm freaking out.

[Crying stops]

- [Cellphone beeps]
- [Crying]

I'm freaking...

- [Cellphone beeps]
- [Crying]

Oh, my God. I think
there's a sh**t outside.

Like, I think they're gonna come in.

I'm too young to die.

[Sobbing] I'm freaking out!

- Uh, Arianna?
- [Cellphone chimes, swishes]

Arianna.

Oh, no, I'm good.

I'm just having fun with my dads.

Okay.

Hey, listen, i-it's okay
if you're scared.

Yeah, I-I-I wouldn't mind just
acknowledging, by the way,

how... how seriously crazy
our world is right now.

I'm sorry, I just... just think
it's helpful to voice that

every once in a while, and...

and I'm still here
to talk if anyone wants.

[Students whispering]

I mean, the one thing is,

we're pretty used to stuff like this.

Also, why freak out

when we're all gonna be dead
by anyway, right?

What?

Why does anyone care
about joining a club

to fix a world that's literally
gonna be uninhabitable?

- Are you for real right now?
- No.

'Cause you know this is something

- I'd want to talk about.
- I know.

- You call your grandma?
- No.

She's at work and not really a texter,

and so if I call her, she'll see it's me

and have a heart att*ck.

That would suck, so...

When I called to get your phone number

'cause of the really
alarming picture you sent

on the edge of a roof, she was like,

"Yeah, I'll give you his number,
but if you're lying and turn out

to be some creepy stalker,
I'll find you and k*ll you."

I love her.

RILEY: My mom says
Next Door Neighbor is saying

there's some sort of
suspicious activity nearby.

Is that, like, "sh**t on
the loose" suspicious activity?

Or like, the time it was
just some homeless guy

wandering around with a stick

and it took them four hours
to figure it out?

- I was so hungry during that one.
- It was actually five hours,

and I only know that
'cause I got through almost

half of the first season of "Friends."

You know, some sophomore in Orange

literally became TikTok famous
during a lockdown?

I don't know. She says there's
like , police cars.

- [Loud pop]
- [Students gasp]

Sorry, guys.

Ain't nobody better than me

Got the nourishment you need,
vitamin P

P for p*ssy, P for power,
P for pride and prestige

P for poppin', P for price,
P for packin' them things

I mean, what could be
better than me?

Burger B serving your needs,
vitamin P

CHESTER: Uh... I mean,
Paris runway is up at the top,

and honestly, I can't
even decide if I'd rather

walk in a show or just be, like,

a coldhearted bitch in the front row

with, like, the bug-eyed sunglasses.

You know what I'm talking about?
[Chuckles]

Um... summering in Sweden

with some daddy named Lars, obviously.

Also getting over my
fear of death would be nice.

That one's... more long-term, maybe,

and hard to do when, like, the
whole point of a f*ck-It List

is to think about things you
want to do before you die,

which only reinforces
your fear of death.

I want to do the ten-pound
burger challenge

and the Rainbow Milk challenge.

I want to go to some small village

where no one speaks English

and I can't understand
what anyone is saying,

and I just sit in a café
and, like, listen.


I love that.

I want to punch someone
in the face for no reason,

but, like, really, really hard.

I-I definitely want to skydive.

Oh, and I want to spend the
night in "It's a Small World."

Yes. I want to do that so bad.

[Groans] That song.

Really? It always made me cry.

I don't know. Just, like,
everyone's happy

and connected in
their little, r*cist groups.

Yeah, no, I mean,
I secretly love it, too.

The song. Not racism.

I obviously don't secretly love racism.

I just want to go to college.

Doesn't matter so much which one.

It's just that...

like, we're not all dead or whatever

and people are actually
still going to college.

♪♪

Deluxe, fill up ya cup

Yes, you can look, you cannot touch

No touchin'

Deluxe, fill up ya cup

Yes, you can look, you cannot touch

Deluxe, fill up ya cup

Yes, you can look, you cannot touch

Deluxe, fill up ya cup

Yes, you can look, you cannot touch

[Water bottle crunching]

♪♪

J: [Chuckles] Here's some
useless information...

so, a guy robbed a Quiznos,
and they can't find him.

He had a g*n, um, which may
or may not have been fake,

and a duffel bag full of
semi-a*t*matic r*fles,

or fishing gear.

The cashier couldn't tell.

[Crunching continues]

♪♪

[Crunching stops]

NATHAN: He's wearing a Supreme hat.
He's obviously not gay.

Hmm.

Also, can we talk about
how disappointing it is

that the one hot Black teacher
in our school sucks d*ck?

Okay, you... you can't
say sh*t like that.

My comedy's edgy, okay?

And you know what?

I got lotsa gay in my life.

I love my gay, but people being
precious... no. I itch.

Like, get me some calamine
and shut the f*ck up.

Who are you, by the way?

I was just looking for another club

when the lockdown happened.

- MELT?
- The Mormon club?

[Chuckling] Oh, damn.

[Camera shutter clicking]

♪♪

Oh, hot.

You like those?

- Like you'd do things with those?
- Yeah. Definitely.

Oh, my God. Perv.

Those are your sister's knees.

Ew! f*ck! What? What?

Why is she even sending you
fake tit pics?

Quality control before they go to Jack.

'Cause they about to go
boom-boom-boom in the bathroom.

Wait... Wait, he's actually
going to see her right now?

- What's wrong?
- Uh... nothing.

I think I heard something about him.

You know, like,
some sort of... STD thing.

Ugh. God. Yeah. So,
maybe you should tell her.

- I-I think you should.
- Nah.

Jack's an honors student.

That there is good, clean,
academic d*ck.

- She's fine.
- But what if there is a sh**t?

I mean, d-does she actually
want blood on her hands

just to catch a d*ck or whatever?

There is no way

I'm coming between her mouth
and his junk.

CHESTER: Ugh! I'm so over this lockdown!

[Indistinct conversations]

♪♪

You okay?

Yeah. Just sometimes my heart
beats too fast.

I don't really know why.

They just have to take it seriously

'cause it's near a school.

Yeah, I know. I-I know.

It's not even really about that.

It's just, um, sometimes...

small spaces kinda stress me out.

Probably comes from being trapped in

too many rooms with arguing parents.

- That sucks.
- It's fine.

It's just... you know.

I'm sorry about the texts this morning.

Huh?

Oh. Please.

I once texted, "I'm so wet"
to my dad by accident.

[Both chuckle]

Doesn't this morning
feel like years ago?

[Sighs]

I was such a bitch to my mom.

[Exhales deeply]

Oh, wait. sh*t. f*ck. Sorry.

- No. No, it's fine.
- I'm sorry.

- I heard about your mom.
- Seriously.

This sounds so shitty, but it's just...

less stressful, her not being here.

Why do you think I moved
into the shed in my yard?

[Sighs]

It was all a mistake.

She actually has her papers.

She's with her family in Guadalajara

until they sort it all out,

and secretly, I think she's okay, too.

- They all binge "The Crown" together.
- For real?

Yeah, but she thinks it's
like a telenovela,

so, she's all like, "Ooh,
La Reina, she's such a bitch.

Season two, she's gonna totally
behead her husband."

[Both laugh]

Still?

Yeah.

[Exhales deeply]

I had this whole heart-racing thing

after my mom showed me "E.T."

I hated that movie.

I wish E.T. had d*ed.

Me too.

My mom, she would do this rhyming thing,

if I was, like, sick or something.

She would go,
"Sana sana, colita de Rana,

si no sanas hoy, sanaras mañana."

It was so dumb, but it worked.

And she would do
this thing with my hand.

What'd she do?

♪♪

Sana sana, colita de Rana,

no sanas hoy, sanaras mañana.

Sana sana, colita de Rana,

- si no sanas hoy, sanaras mañana.
- That's nice.

Sana sana, colita de Rana,

si no sanas hoy, sanaras mañana.

Sana sana...

Oh, 'ack, I 'uv 'ur 'ock!

[Muffled] It is so hard!

Bitch, get off my wave

I got ways, I got hella ways

- [Cellphone vibrates]
- [Sighs]

- ♪ I got ways, bitch, get off my wave
- What?

NATHAN: Hi, I know you're
probably gonna hate me,


but there's something
I have to tell you,


- [Knock on door]
- and I know you're gonna be mad...

- I can't talk. I'm getting some.
- Wait!

- CHESTER: But at least we have our g*ns.
- f*ck!

- Second Amendment.
- [g*nf*re on cellphone game]

Plus, if you think about it,
we're probably, like,

the fifth-most-hated club on campus.

I mean, any sh**t
is obviously going to

the Black Student Union first.

No other group in America
has had more v*olence

inflicted upon them

both systematically and interpersonally.

Unless it's, like, some
immigrant-hating MAGA guy,

'cause then he's going to MEChA first.

Although, it could be, like, Hillel,

if he's, like, more
of a retro Jew-hater.

On the other hand...

people do hate women.

[Chuckles] Like, really hate them,

so, Girls' League is an option.

'Course, this room, we got it all.

We got black, brown, gay, girls.

So, maybe for efficiency,
they'll just come here.

Multiple birds, one stone
kinda type deal...

NATHAN: Can you just stop?

It's not funny.

What are you talking about?
It's f*cking hilarious.

Also, the meaning of life
is that it stops.

SAM: Okay. Okay.

Um, maybe, uh, time for some more music.

RILEY: So, what are we listening to?

Fair warning, if it's Shawn Mendes,

I'm going on a sh**ting rampage.

Plus, he had those
racially insensitive tweets.

- Plus he sucks.
- Okay, here, here, here.

I'm gonna connect and
randomly play something

from Spotify, okay? There we go.

The sun is coming up again

Lookin' like it's gonna be a problem

- ♪ 'Cause I'd be ly...
- [Music stops]

- What are you doing?
- I'm sorry.

I don't want to listen to
something basic.

I don't. Like, why?

Like, why is life always a f*cking

lowest-common-denominator compromise?

Chester.

Can I talk to you?

Come... talk... to me.

J, put on something everyone likes.

Sit down a sec.

♪♪

I know how stressful this is.

It's not stressful. It's just dumb.

And then it turns out
the school now rotocalls,

so my Nonna did find out

about this stupid f*cking lockdown

and is now all stressed, 'cause besides

her douchey QAnon brother,
like, I'm all she has.

Like, they did not need to
do that to her.

♪♪

- So, a poodle in Buenos Aires fell...
- Oh, come on!

Just listen. Just listen.

A poodle in Buenos Aires fell floors,

randomly hitting a woman,
k*lling both instantly.

While witnessing the incident,

another woman gets hit by a bus.

Meanwhile, a man saw
the second woman's death,

had a heart att*ck, and d*ed
on the way to the hospital.

♪♪

A pallbearer in Finland

d*ed tripping over a stone
while carrying a coffin.

♪♪

♪♪

A mother d*ed of cancer.

[Students laughing]

[Indistinct conversations]

RILEY: Oh, my God.

- Oh, no. That is so gross.
- Whoa!

- DOCTOR: ...soft-serve.
- Oh, they're pinching it so hard.

NATHAN: Is that blood? Oh, my God.

- DOCTOR: Oh.
- [Laughter]

Why is it so satisfying?

I think 'cause all
the nasty sh*t comes out.

RILEY: Yeah, and it's, like,
pimples you can control.

CHESTER: What?

TOGETHER: Oh, my God.

- Oh, no, no, no.
- Oh, my God.

[Alarm blares]

WOMAN ON P.A.: Lockdown has ended.

Teachers and students,
may I have your attention?


- Lockdown has ended.
- NATHAN: It literally looks like a milkshake.

[All groan]

- It's dripping! It's dripping!
- [Screams]

♪ I thought I came,
but I peed on the d*ck ♪

♪ Pubic hair got inches,
that's weave on the d*ck ♪

♪ p*ssy like a tree,
it got leaves on the sh*t ♪

♪ Bang-bang this p*ssy,
Chief Keef with the d*ck ♪

♪ Climbing on that d*ck,
need a -feet ladder ♪

♪ I love the D,
that's my favorite ladder ♪

♪ Sloppy Toppy for papi,
leave Sloppy Joe shook ♪

- Is that a birthmark?
- Yeah.

♪ I can make your d*ck stand up ♪

- ♪ Are you ready? ♪
- ♪ Like Statue of Liberty ♪

Oh, my f*cking God!

♪ So hard ♪

♪ Tap the head of the d*ck,
duck, duck, duck, goose ♪

♪ Head of the d*ck,
duck, duck, duck, goose ♪

♪ Get that d*ck up and runnin'
when he f*ck this cooch ♪

♪ Covered in all my cum, the
d*ck be lookin' like a goose ♪

♪ Head of the d*ck,
duck, duck, duck, goose ♪

♪ Head of the d*ck,
duck, duck, duck, goose ♪

♪ Get that d*ck up and runnin'
when he f*ck this cooch ♪

♪ Covered in all my cum,
the d*ck be lookin' like a goose ♪

♪ Twat so wet, you could
take a cruise on it ♪

♪ Suckin' yo' neck till
I leave a bruise on it ♪

♪ Let you eat the p*ssy,
just don't use a spoon on it ♪

♪ Put it in a box like you
'bout to move on it ♪

♪ This that submarine p*ssy,
Mr. Clean p*ssy ♪

♪ This that I'm 'bout to f*ck
you longer ♪

♪ Than a limousine p*ssy ♪

♪ High self-esteem p*ssy,
it's a dream p*ssy ♪

♪ If you're broke than a p*ssy
actin' funny like a meme p*ssy ♪

♪ Easy Bake Oven and this p*ssy
so similar ♪

♪ Touchin' your head but it
ain't checkin' a temperature ♪

♪ Got that d*ck on lock
like a motherfuckin' prisoner ♪

♪ Nut in my p*ssy hair,
jumpin' on your d*ck ♪

♪ Tell your grandma sew my p*ssy
since you split open my slit ♪

♪ Coochie guaranteed to put you
to sleep so damn soon ♪

♪ Ridin' on that d*ck,
I'm readin' "Goodnight Moon" ♪

♪ Vending machine, vending machine ♪

♪ Can't eat it 'til there's
money between, money between ♪

♪ This p*ssy is a vending
machine, vending machine ♪

♪ Can't eat it 'til there's
money between, money between ♪

♪ Vending machine,
vending machine, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Vending machine,
vending machine, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Can't eat it until there's
money between, money between ♪

♪ This p*ssy is a vending
machine, vending machine ♪

♪♪
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