01x12 - Once in Love with Amy

[bunniefuu]

[MUSIC PLAYS]

Look, I'm sorry I didn't
call you back, Kristen.

I forgot.
You forgive me?

Apparently not.

You know the big difference
between guys and girls...

girls want commitment,
guys want girls.

What's the matter
with commitment?

You are so .

Hey, where's your mom?

She just blew through here
a minute ago...

looking for contracts
or something. I don't know.

Hey, Dad,
I'm pretty sure...

Mr. Feeny numbers
those things.

Well, this was hanging
on our side of the fence...

so its number is up.

I know I put those papers
around here somewhere.

Now, you look very
nice this morning.

Oh, there they are!

I need them for the closing
on that brick split-level...

on oak Street.

I fact, you look
downright huggable.

Hi, hon.

Morgan! Your
oatmeal's ready!

You know, you're
gonna be leaving soon...

and that window of hugging
opportunity will close.

Hey, Mom, I need a note for
that field trip this Friday.

That should cover it.

Thanks, Mom.

Morgan! It's getting cold!

Coffee? Poured with love.

[TIMER BELL RINGS]

Cinnamon rolls.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

I got it.

Hello.

Morgan! This is the last
time I'm calling you!

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Oh, great. It's Jimmy,
and he's early.

I've got to get
to this closing.

Mom, that was Judy,
queen of zits.

She has a cold
and she can't babysit.

Good. Between her
nose running...

and her zits popping, I
don't want her in the house.

I'm done.

OK, well, I'll call a
back-up sitter later on.

I don't want to punk out
on my bowling league.

Hey, relax, you've got
a responsible teenage son...

with no current social life.
I'll take the weasel.

Thank you.

Hey, hey, hey! Some
of that, some of that.

- [HORN HONKS]
- Got to go.

Morgan, if you don't
get down here now...

I'm gonna give the
oatmeal to the dog.

We don't have a dog.

Oh, excuse me
for improvising.

Hey, Dad, can we order out
for pizza tonight...

since Mom's
got her bowling league...

and you've got
your managers' meeting?

Sure.

Cool. Now, the large
with everything on it...

is gonna run us
around bucks.

Here's a .

! Cool!

I want change, massive
amounts of change.

Hey, Dad, can I have this?

Sure. Somebody ought
to get some use out of it.

I know, you're going
to use that rose...

to make up with Kristen.

Are you kidding?
She hung up on me.

I mean, that's what she
wants... for me to go back...

on my hands and knees
and give her stuff.

So you're gonna
give it to her?

Yes, I am.

You are so !

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

Al washes a car
in minutes.

Fred washes the same car
in minutes.

How long will it take
Al and Fred...

to wash the car together?

Piece of cake.

Think about it,
Mr. Matthews.

I don't have to think about
it, Mr. Feeny. It's simple.

It is anything but
simple, Mr. Matthews.

But I've got the answer.

I'm not interested
in the answer.

Why not?

Because I'm more interested...

in how you arrive
at the answer.

And you couldn't
possibly have arrived...

at the correct
answer so rapidly.

But I did. I've arrived.
I'm here. I'm ahead of you.

Oh, well, then if
you're ahead of me...

what is the answer?

- .
- .

That's not
the correct answer.

But it has to be.

Al speeds Fred up.
Fred slows Al down.

So the answer is halfway
between and ... .

- That's not...
- That's not...

- the correct answer.
- the correct answer.

But it has to be.

- No, it doesn't.
- Why not?

Fred can't slow Al down.

Even if Al washes
most of the car...

and Fred just washes
a hubcap...

the total time still
has to be faster...

than Al's time alone.

You with me?

So if Fred is %
slower than Al...

then % of minutes is...

Anybody?

It's a minute and a half...

which leaves us with...

. !

/ minutes is
the correct answer.

Hold your applause, please.

Mr. Minkus, you're wrong.

Wrong? As in not right?

You know the law of
averages better than I do.

It was bound to
catch up with you.

Where are you going?

Nurse.

"Minkus, you're wrong."

I've been waiting
to hear those words...

since pre-school.

Does anyone else have any
thoughts on this problem?

On this problem?

Om...

I'm channeling the ancient
Egyptian mathematician...

who first
solved this problem.

[GURGLING]

Check, please.

All right, Ms. Lawrence.

Let's see what
you've come up with.

Well, oddly enough...

you and your metaphysical
lab partner...

have arrived at
the correct answer.

Let me see that.

Grraar!

Nice demon.

Interesting,
isn't it, Mr. Matthews?

Mr. Minkus didn't get
the correct answer...

but Ms. Lawrence did.

You would do well
to consider that...

in your search
for your answer.

She's cheating.
She copies off dead guys.

OK, we've got everything
right in front of us.

We got a car, we got
water, we got brushes.

We got Al and we
got Malibu Fred.

Minkus got it wrong.

It's not like it's just
an assignment anymore.

It's like a mystery.

And he could just
not hack being wrong.

I mean, did you see him?

He went to the nurse
and he never came back.

But Topanga got it right.
That is a clue.

OK, so what's the difference
between Minkus and Topanga?

All right.
Minkus is really smart.

And really weird.

Now, Topanga on the other
hand is really weird.

And really weird.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Minkus?

I Was. I used to be.

Who's got the right answer?

Yes, Mr. Minkus.
That's right, Mr. Minkus.

Calm down, Minkus.

That's correct, Mr. Minkus.

Get a grip, Minky.

Another "A"
for Mr. Minkus.

No. Make that an A-plus
for Mr. Minkus.

So what? So you're
not a genius anymore?

Right. Now I'm just
a brainless...

pathetic moron
without a clue.

Trust me. It's not so bad.

It's just a word problem.

Every problem has
to have an answer.

There has to be an answer.

What's the answer,
Matthews?

What's the answer?

In my opinion, .

Look at me.
What have I become?

A brainless pathetic moron.

We just went over
this material.

They say the
short term memory...

is the first thing to go.

Who says that?

I forgot!

The new Minkus.

I like him!

Hey, I see you guys
got the car ready.

I'll order the pizza...

and you and your little
friends can pick it up, oK?

Hey, thanks for
inviting me, guys.

I saw my mom looking...

at her Let's Have Fun
with Liver cookbook.

But she's got her bowling
league tonight, Shawn.

No, that ended
six weeks ago.

No, it didn't.

Yes, it did.

Shawn, my mom's
in that league...

and she's been going
every Wednesday night.

Well, I don't know
where she's going...

but it ain't bowling.

You guys all set?
I'm about ready to leave.

For bowling, right?

Yeah. Like every
Wednesday night.

I'm going upstairs to
say goodnight to Morgan.

See?

I'm telling you, the league
ended weeks ago.

Yeah? If there's
no bowling league...

why is my mom going out
with this big, heavy...

Eric, something's wrong.
This doesn't weigh anything.

Maybe Mom forgot her ball.

And if those are
bowling shoes...

there should be
a number on the back...

just above the spike heel.

Eric, what does this mean?

It means Mom's going
to be flashing some leg...

when she picks up
that - split.

"La Buggy-a."

La Bugia?

That's that fancy
dinner place...

seniors always
take their prom dates.

Why would Mom
be going there?

Maybe Mom's dating a senior.
I mean, everybody else is.

MRS. MATTHEWS:
I love you, too, pumpkin.

Morgan says she's
getting hungry...

so you guys better
order that pizza soon.

I'm on it.

Good. Hey, keep your
eye on your sister...

and I'll be home
around : .

From bowling, right?

Where else would I be going
with my bowling bag?

Oh, this ball weighs a ton.

GUYS: Ha ha ha!

OK, maybe it's not
as bad as it looks.

I sure hope so because
this looks pretty bad.

Does it look
as bad as liver?

No.

Why is she going
to La Bugia?

Why is she going to La Bugia
with a bowling bag?

Is there...
trouble in paradise?

Between my mom
and dad? No way!

They're so happy,
it's disgusting.

They're always kissing
and being romantic.

Are they?

Or is Dad always kissing
and being romantic?

What are you talking about?

Remember this morning he
came in with a rose for her...

she didn't even care?

Yeah, and he poured
coffee for her...

and she just walked away.

And that kiss she gave him
this morning before she left...

was nothing more
than a pity kiss.

Believe me. I know
what they look like.

The main thing is, she
picked Wednesday nights.

The one night that Dad
has his managers' meeting.

Yeah, and why was she in such
a rush to leave this morning?

I mean, is she trying
to get away from Dad?

You don't think she
loves him anymore?

It could mean Worse.

I mean, no one goes
to La Bugia alone.

You think she loves
somebody else?

You guys better
tell your dad.

Tell him what?
We don't have any proof.

- Get proof.
- How?

Don't you guys watch
NYPD BLUE?

Tail her...

and talk dirty.

Tail her on our bikes?

Get on a bus. You know
where she's going.

Just get there,
take a look around.

You know, he's right.
We should do this.

I mean, chances are
we'll get there...

we'll find she's there alone...
in a cocktail dress...

bowling.

We're gonna have
to go undercover.

- As what?
- Two kids.

By day, two ordinary kids.

By night, two ordinary kids
on a bus.

Talking dirty.

We'll be back
as soon as we can.

Here's the .

Order the pizza,
watch my house...

and guard my sister.

And if I'm k*lled
on this mission...

find out the answer
to that car wash problem...

from Feeny and have
Topanga channel it to me.

OK, what do you have?

daddies and mommies.

A full house?

FuLL House?
I love those olsen twins.

MORGAN: Hi. Daddy.

Well, hey, sweetie.

What are you doing up?
It's, uh, : .

Shawn was teaching me
how to play -card...

Go Fish.

Jacks or better to open.

Where's Cory and Eric?

They went to the library.

Would that be
the public library...

the one
that closes at : ?

No, no. The other one.

I'm going
to put Morgan to bed...

and then you and I are
gonna talk a little more.

Kind of a relationship
building thing?

No.

Great. First time in
my life I'm in trouble...

with someone else's dad.

Guys! Your dad
just got home.

Where is he?

Upstairs putting your sister
to bed. What did you find out?

Nothing good.

Mom Was at the club.

She was dancing
with some guy.

In those red shoes.

Wow!

Yeah, she was snuggling up
with him in a dark booth.

Who was it?

I don't know.
I couldn't tell.

Neither could I.

There were lace curtains
and plastic grapes...

hanging all over the place.

So what are you
going to do?

I have no idea.

I can't keep this
a secret, Eric.

You know me. I'll cr*ck.

Dad will say,
"Good night, son."

And I'll say, "Mom
was with another guy!"

Shh!

Look, I mean, you're right.
We'll have to tell him.

Cory. Eric.

You know I'm
always here for you.

Just not right now.

Oh, by the way...

I told him you were
at the library.

Great lie, Shawn.
The library closes at : .

Yeah. He knew that, too.

This is not gonna
be easy to tell Dad.

Maybe we could just
send him a letter.

"Dear sir, your wife was
dancing with another guy.

Signed...
A concerned citizen."

MR. MATTHEWS:
Good night. Morgan.

Oh, no. He's gonna say
good night to me next.

I'm gonna blow! You gotta
handle this, Eric.

Look, you just stay quiet.
Let me do all the talking.

Why, hey, guys.

Hi, Dad.

Where's Shawn?

Oh, Shawn decided
to walk home.

I'd have driven him.

Oh, relax, Dad. He
lives blocks away.

Now why don't you
sit down, relax...

and not think that
anything terrible...

is going on in your life.

Would you like some pizza?

- Mmm.
- Hey, where's my change?

You know,
speaking of change...

change can be a very
positive thing in one's life...

especially unexpected change,
which funnily enough...

we'll be talking
about right now.

What's going on?
Where were you two?

Uh, well, for / hours...

we were on
different city buses...

going to and coming from
this place.

This place?

Could you be a little
more specific, please?

Uh, it was
a rectangular place.

We, uh, we were
at La Bugia, Dad.

Mmm!

La Bugia?

Mom was with another guy!

She was dancing.

With another guy!

Cory looked in the window
and recognized Mom's shoes...

and the shoes of...

Do I have to draw you
a picture?

It's all We could see.
It Was dark.

There's Mom's car.

Quick. More pizza.

Well, I guess I'll have to have
a little talk with your mother.

Hey, I'm here for you, Dad.

That's why I had you, son.

Hey, stranger.

Hi.

Well, I just had an
interesting conversation...

with Cory and Eric.

Is anything wrong?

Yeah. We're busted.

Oh, man, they found out?

Guess we just weren't
sneaky enough.

Actually,
I was sneaky enough.

What?

They only caught you,
you, you brazen hussy.

They're still talking.
That's a good sign.

They're not yelling?

Not yet.

Oh, no. Look, as long
as they're not yelling...

we have a chance,
but once they go quiet...

that's when we're
in real trouble.

CORY: What's it mean
when he's smiling?

- He's smiling?
- Uh-huh.

Oh, no. He's lost it.

He's turned
into Freddie Krueger.

I mean, you know how Freddie
always smiles before...

Tch... Aah!

- She's gone!
- What?

Mom's gone! She left!
I don't see her!

We'll never
see her again, Eric!

We don't have
a mother anymore!

Hi, guys.

I overreacted.

Mom, are we still
a family...

or have we become like
an after-school special?

Everything is fine.

Are you sure? Because
Dad was smiling.

I understand you two...

did a little
detective work tonight.

Sorry we ratted on you, Mom.

It Was me.
I folded under t*rture.

Yeah. Dad said hello.

Look, I didn't go
bowling tonight.

Aahh...

And I did stop
at a gas station...

and change into that
dress that you saw.

Aahh...

And I did go to La Bugia...

and danced the night away
with the most exciting...

wonderful guy I know.

Mom, shouldn't this confession
be a little harder for you?

I was dancing
with your father.

- What?
- Dad's not our father?

It Was Dad!

How long have
you guys known me?

Since we were born?

Before We Were born.

Right! You know me
inside and out.

You know my heart.

I was dancing
with your father.

But I thought Dad had
a managers' meeting.

Bogus.

- Like your bowling league.
- Yeah.

So you guys lied to us.

Look, Cor, I have
a wonderful life...

and I love being a mother...

but that's just
not all of who I am.

I mean, I also
have a career...

and I happen to be madly
in love with my husband.

- Cool.
- Yecch.

I'm sorry you
feel that way, Cor...

because your father and I...

work very hard to keep
our relationship fresh.

You know, keep
the electricity going.

We want to stay hot
for each other.

Aagh...

Cory.

You guys snuck off
and lied to us.

Look, Cor,
did you ever cut school?

Me? No. Uh-uh.

Off the record.

Once in fifth grade.

Did you have fun?

Yeah. I went to the mall.
It was really cool.

Yeah, but you've been to
the mall a hundred times.

Now, maybe it was fun...

because you weren't
supposed to be there.

You know, like it
was a bit dangerous?

Get it?

Yeah!

No.

Come on, Cory.

I mean, it's exciting.
It's adult.

Sneaking around's romantic.
Very cool, Mom. I approve.

Thank you, Eric.

Well, I don't approve.
It sounds like you guys...

were just trying
to get away from us.

And I think that's wrong.

See, that's the fine line...

between being an adult
and being a kid.

When you're a kid,
you see everything...

as right or wrong,
black or white...

blonde or brunette.

But when you're an adult...

you realize that,
that not everything...

is as simple
as right or wrong.

I mean, sometimes
there are gray areas.

Any of this
make sense to you?

Of course. I'm an adult.
You're very cool, Mom.

I'll take cool.

Now, if you guys
will excuse me...

there's a guy
in the back yard...

who owes me
a goodnight kiss.

It's OK. It's Dad.

Good morning.

[BELL RINGS]

Al washes a car
in minutes.

Fred washes the same car
in minutes.

How long will it take them
to wash the car together?

And the answer is still
not , Mr. Matthews.

I know that, sir.

What else do you know?

I know why you gave us
this word problem.

To suck the fun
out of our lives.

Yeah, that, but
the main reason is...

to get us to stop
thinking like kids...

and start thinking
like adults.

I know that there's not
always one right answer.

There may not even
be an answer at all.

Startling.

And how did you arrive
at that conclusion?

I found out that sometimes...

we need to learn to think
differently.

That's how Topanga knew.
Because she thinks differently.

Really differently.

Well, Mr. Matthews...

in all the time We've
known each other...

I don't think I've ever
been so impressed.

Thanks, Mr. Feeny.

In the course
of your education...

you have been taught to look
for the right answer.

But you also must know
that in life...

many times the right answer
is that there isn't one.

This is an especially valuable
lesson for you, Mr. Minkus.

So I'm afraid
your calculations...

are all for naught.

Not necessarily.

I think I may have
inadvertently discovered...

the secret of time travel.

Did your spirit guide
talk to you...

and give you the answer?

Yeah. My mom.

Wait a minute.

Maybe time isn't a continuum.

Maybe it's a random
repetition of moments.

I think I've got it!

A continuum.

Maybe it's a random
repetition of moments.

A continuum.

Maybe it's a random
repetition of moments.

Nah