01x13 - She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

[bunniefuu]

Stuart?

Yes?

Did you leave this
paper rose on my desk?

No.

Oh.

Actually it isn't a rose.
It's a camellia.

In the language
of flowers...

a white camellia means
perfect loveliness.

At least,
that's what I've read.

Well, then...

The person
who left this for me...

must be a sensitive
and caring soul.

Is it just me...

or is love blooming
among the nerd set?

I don't know.

The only time I've ever
seen a look like that...

was just before Bambi's
mother caught that b*llet.

What a movie they'd make.

It's Minkus in Love.

Watch what happens...

when pounds
of near-sighted geek...

meets pounds of hair
from a parallel universe.

- Ha!
- Ha!

I think people who
judge other people...

by their outward appearances
are shallow and ignorant...

and will have much to answer for
in their next life.

That may be the way
it works on Remulak...

but here on Earth...
you're a nerd, you pay.

[BELL RINGS]

Good morning, class.

I trust you all
had a good weekend.

I sure did.
My mom baked brownies...

and my dad rented two
monster movie videos.

I sold blood.

This morning we have
a guest lecturer.

The school board feels...

that since you're all starting
the seventh grade next year...

it would behoove you...

to have an advanced taste
of the experience.

[KNOCKING]

Eric?

Cory!

Mr. Matthews?

Mr. Feeny?

Oh.

I thought the school said...

they were sending over
good students.

Nice. The problem
with smart kids...

is they all have
goals to pursue.

I'm just looking to
get out of Algebra.

Lucky me.

Proceed.

Hi, kids, I'm Eric.

I'm in the th grade
at Adams High...

the school you'll all
be going to next year.

At least
all of us who pass.

Hey, Minkus, pass this.

[RASPBERRY]

Please, class, give
Mr. Matthews your attention.

Matthews?

Oh, yeah, I'm Cory's
older brother.

I got the good hair.

Anyway, next year you guys
will be seventh graders...

or, as we upper classmen
will be calling you...

phlegmballs.

Now, there's gonna
be a few things...

you're gonna need
to know for survival...

on the mean streets
of high school.

Will the exam process
be more rigorous?

Yeah, uh...

Parties are gonna be
a lot better, too...

because you can
stay out later.

All right!

And, of course, cool
clothes are a must.

For that young detention
sitter on the go.

Yeah. Uh, you're
gonna want to know...

where the parking lot
is, too...

because that's Where the
most popular kids hang.

And you're gonna want
to hang with them...

unless, of course...

you want to look
like a complete nerd.

Ha ha ha!

No offense, Mink.

I have a question.

Who cares?

This isn't like home, Eric.

In here, when I raise my
hand, you have to answer.

I do?

I do, too.

All right, now next year
when you're ...

and driving to school...

would you be willing
to give a ride...

to a certain few
select phlegmballs?

Do I have to?

I Wouldn't.

Drop dead.

What do I owe you?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

TOPANGA: I have some
freshly baked brownies here...

I thought you might enjoy.

Thanks for dropping
them off.

I thought perhaps
I could stay here...

and enjoy them with you.

Milk's in the fridge, babe.

Hey, not bad.

My sister Nebby made them.

Nebby?

Don't you mean Debbie?

No, Nebby. It's
short for Nebula...

Nebula Stopthewar Lawrence.

So your parents
thought, like, what...

Linda was already taken?

Hey, cool braid.

You like it?

I can put one in your hair.

You can?

Sure. Do you have some
ribbons and a rubber band?

Upstairs in my room.

You know, I'd like
to see more of her...

and less of him.

What?

Comes over
with the brownies...

tries to get in good
with your sister.

- So?
- So...

& Cory and Topanga &

& Sitting in a tree &

& K-i-s-s-i-n-g &

No way. Minkus wants her.

And yet she's not
over at Minkus' house...

unloading brownies.

What are you saying, Shawn?

Cory, it all has
to start somewhere.

See, Minkus gets
squishy about Topanga.

Topanga gets
squishy about you.

One day your solid
as a rock...

the next day... Squish.

Topanga does not have
a squish on me.

She brought you
brownies, dude.

Ipso facto,
love-o you-o.

Hi, guys.

Ah, reinforcement snacks.

It doesn't look like
you're starving to death.

Hey.

Eric, your can runneth over.

Garbage again?

I just took it out
last week.

Mommy! Mommy, look!

Topanga made my hair pretty.

She sure did.

Yep. Brownies, braids...
she does it all...

but, uh, now she has
to do it all at home.

But I was hoping
I could stay.

You can't. We're over
the legal hair limit...

of this room.

Well, that wasn't
very polite.

I can't afford
to be polite, Mom.

I'm polite... Squish.

I hear a lot of men...

treat the women they love
like that.

I'll k*ll you, Shawn.

We got a little girlfriend
action going on here?

- Yep.
- No.

& Cory and Topanga &

& Sitting in a tree &

& A-B-C-D-E-F-G &

[WHISTLING]

Mr. Matthews, we seem to
be on similar missions.

Hey, Mr. Feeny...

how'd your class like
my little pep talk today?

The class found you
amusing and entertaining.

But you didn't.

On the contrary.

I found you both amusing
and entertaining.

I didn't, however, find
you very informative.

Everything I told them about
the parties and clothes is true.

Well, that may be...

but you didn't tell
them the whole truth.

Like What?

Well, like... up until now...

they've lived in a small,
protected environment.

Next year it'll be like
moving out of a small town...

into a big city.

It's just a bigger school.

How easy is it to get dr*gs?

I don't do dr*gs.

But if you wanted to?

Pretty easy.

- Alcohol?
- Easier.

Cigarettes?

Oh, come on, Mr. Feeny.
I didn't want...

to bring them down
with stuff like that.

I mean I wanted to give them
something to look forward to.

Mr. Matthews, do you
consider yourself popular...

an influential voice
in high school?

Look, Mr. Feeny,
I'm no role model.

Yes, but the moment you
stepped into that classroom...

you became one.

That Was the Worst
macaroni and cheese...

I've ever tasted.

You going to finish yours?

You're a pig,
you know that?

Hey, I'm in a growth
spurt. I need fuel.

Yeah, well, those of us
who sit near you...

don't like
the exhaust fumes.

Oh, look.

Here comes the future
Mrs. Cory Matthews.

Hello, Cory.

Cory's not here.

My sister rented
a videotape...

I thought you might
be interested in seeing.

He left.
You just missed him.

GodziLLa Goes to college.

Whoa.

That's the one where
Godzilla scarfs down UCLA.

Yeah.

When can we borrow it?

You can't.
It's my sister's tape.

She said I can't
let it out of my sight.

OK, what time should we
be over at your house?

Our VCR is broken.

I'll have to bring it
to your house.

All right, how about : ?

: is good for me.

That will give me time
to get home and get ready.

Get ready?

I mean get the tape.
That's all. Bye.

Oh, man, she's got
a thang for you.

What do I care?

All I want from her
is brownies and videos.

You maggot.

Huh?

All these years pretending
to be my close friend.

Close? As in Philadelphia
is close to... Neptune?

All so you could get to her.

Her, Topanga?
I don't think so.

Oh, please. The whole school's
talking about you two.

What? I ate
a couple brownies.

I said I'd Watch a video.

Aren't you forgetting
the trip to Acapulco?

What?

I embellished.

Do you really care
about her...

or are you just doing this
to humiliate me?

I give up.
Take it, Shawn.

Minkus...

Want to play walnut?

Your bodyguard
can't be with you...

hours a day, Matthews.

Be afraid...

Be very afraid.

I've got two words
for you...

Antiperspirant.

That's Words.

What's going on here?

I don't want girls
to like me.

Why is everything changing?

Hey, Topanga
forgot her notebook.

Want to trash it?

I got a little
macaroni and cheese left.

Naw, she'll probably think
it's some type of love code.

Oh, why do I have
to be so attractive?

Oh, look.

It's a heart with a name
doodled in swirly things.

"Mrs. Matthews."

Give me a break.

"Mrs. Topanga Matthews."

ooh...

"Mrs. Eric Matthews."

Would you get off my...

What?

Eric, I'm glad
I caught you.

We got to talk.

Not now. I'm headed down
to the video arcade.

Play games some other time.
This is important.

Hey, this is
important, too.

Eric, somebody's
in love with you.

Oh, yeah? Who?

Topanga Lawrence.

You know, that hair
in the front row...

with the girl attached?

We're talking about
a sixth grader? Later.

I'm telling you, Eric,
she loves you.

Look, she's .
She's too young...

to have feelings like that.

Minkus is only ,
and he loves her.

Will you stop saying that
word? Nobody loves anybody.

I mean... you're babies.

You're too young
to understand...

the pain of love,
the agony of love...

the seamy underbelly of love.

You're not going to
fully understand it...

until you're... .

Like you?

I understood it at ,
but, hey, I was a natural.

Look, Eric, you got
to kiss her off.

Get her out of
your life and mine.

She's not in mine.

Well, she's going to be.

You know, it sounds
like you're jealous.

Oh, yeah. I'm jealous.

That's just what I want,
to be Topanga's boyfriend...

and then we can
name our children...

Chewbacca and Plankton.

OK, I'll get rid of her.

What do you want me to say?

All right, she's coming
over in a little while.

Tell her that We
both think she's scum...

and that I'm politically
incoherent.

- Incorrect.
- There you go.

All right. I'll
let her down easy...

but they're usually
pretty crushed...

so when you hear
the doorbell...

call someone to pick up
the pieces, oK?

- Hey.
- Hey.

Your mom told me...

you're having a little
confab about a girl.

Not any normal girl,
a totally weird girl...

Topanga Lawrence.

Well, I bet most girls...

seem a little weird
to you at this age.

Come on, Dad.
You don't understand.

I'm not talking
"I'm a guy...

and I don't
understand girls."

I'm talking really,
truly weird.

She eats sandwiches
made out of brown rice...

and has a sister
named Nebula.

Well, what seems
to be the problem...

between you and this girl?

No problem.

See, I thought she
had a crush on me.

She kept hanging around
and doing things for me.

And you liked that.

No, I hated it...

but then I found out
she really likes Eric.

And you were relieved.

No.

Disappointed?

No.

Confused.

See, Dad? You always know.

Well, get used to
being confused, pal...

because girls are going
to be rattling your cage...

for the next years.

Till I'm ?

Yeah, but then
you get a break.

You do?

Yeah. You die.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Topanga, right?

Have a seat.

Uh, yeah, that's an
interesting way to go...

but I was thinking couch.

Whatever you want.

So what's that?

Movie.

GodziLLa Goes to college!

Cory's gonna love this!
He loves monster flicks.

Oh, he really loved those
brownies you brought over, too.

I mean, uh, you must
really like him a lot...

to do all those
nice things for him.

He's very nice...

in a young kind of way.

Um, see, that's why you
two get along so well...

because you're young, too.

No. I've done my chart.

I have a very old soul.

Uh, yeah, here's
a tip for you, Topanga.

Not a lot of guys are
going to be after your soul.

When you were talking
to us in class...

you know what I noticed?

What?

Your aura was glowing.

Be that as it may...

my aura's too old for you
to be looking at.

I don't understand.

It's because you're
not ready to understand.

I am ready.

You're not.

OK, I was wrong.

Huh, maybe you are ready.

Look, Cory told me
about you...

and he told me
you're very smart.

I don't have to be smart.

No. Look, you're going
to have to be smart...

because there are
a lot of guys out there...

that won't take aura
for an answer.

What do you mean?

I mean, you've known me
for, like, minutes...

and you think you like me
because you thought I was cute

and who could blame you?

But a real relationship...

is based on
so much more than looks.

And if you're old enough
to have these feelings...

then you should know that.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

You are so wise.

Yes, I am.

And that wisdom
comes from knowing...

that if you have a
relationship based on looks...

it's stupid and superfiicial.

Hi, I'm Topanga's sister.

Hi, I'm stupid
and superficial.

Cory called and said
Topanga wasn't feeling well...

and wanted to come home.

No, she's feeling fine.

Nobody has to go anywhere.
I mean, just look at her.

I think I'd like to go home.

Is she gone?

Oh, no. More hair.

"There are strange things
done in the midnight sun...

"By the men who moil for gold.

"The arctic trails
have their secret tales...

"That would make
your blood run cold.

"The northern lights
have seen q*eer sights...

"But the queerest
they ever did see...

"Was that night on the marge
of Lake Lebarge...

I cremated Sam McGee."

Cool!

"Now Sam McGee
was from Tennessee...

"Where the cotton
blooms and blows.

"Why he left his home
in the South...

to roam around the Pole,
God only knows."

Burn him!

- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Mr. Feeny?

Um, may I come in?

Of course.

Uh, could I speak
to your class?

Be my guest.

This better be good, Eric.

He was about
to toast this guy.

So, uh,
a couple of days ago...

I pretty much covered the
big high school picture...

but, uh, I left out one
little tiny detail.

You've all known
each other since...

like, kindergarten. But
next year there's gonna be...

maybe or other
sixth grade classes...

from different schools...

making up your seventh
grade class...

and you're not gonna
know all those kids.

A lot of them are gonna
think differently than you.

What do you mean?

Well, do you smoke
cigarettes?

No.

A lot of kids in your
new school will.

A lot of them are gonna try
to pressure you into it.

They're gonna tell how
cool it is to smoke.

You want to be cool,
don't you?

More than you could ever know.

Maybe you'll smoke.

I don't think so.

Why not?

Because according to New
EngLand journal of Medicine...

smoking reduces
lung capacity...

leads to emphysema...

and causes heart att*ck
and lung cancer.

Well, what if she
thought it was cool?

Then would you smoke?

In a heartbeat.

Welcome to the world
of peer pressure.

So he smokes. Do you
think that's cool?

I think anyone who smokes
is a disgusting pig.

I'm trying to quit.

WeLL. it's not
that easy. Minkus.

There's all kinds
of pressure.

I mean, what about alcohol?

Could you use somebody else
as an example, please?

Sure. What about alcohol?

What about it?
What about dr*gs?

Hey, calm down, Eric.
We're not into that stuff.

All we like is baseball
and comic books.

Yeah, that's what
you like now.

But that's going to change...

just like you're
changing schools.

Just like you're going
to start feeling...

a lot of new stuff
inside you...

you're not really
gonna understand.

How do you know?

Because you're growing up.

Some of you
have already started.

MINKUS: She Loves me...

She Loves me not.

She loves me...

She loves me not.

This is absurd.

This isn't rational
or logical at all.

She loves me...

She loves me not.

Look at him.

The love b*mb has
blown his head off.

This is big.

This love thing could
k*ll us if we let it.

You and I have to make
a deal right now.

Let everyone else go nuts.

We stay the same.

Forever.

Excuse me. I'm new here.

How do I get to the
principal's office?

We have a deal.

We have a deal.

The principal's office?

I've been there
a million times.

I know exactly where it is.
I'll take you.

We have a deal!
We have a deal!

[READING FRENCH]

Monsieur Minkus...

if we could understand
what you were saying...

we wouldn't need your help
for the French test.

Pardonnez moi.
I will speak English.

You will please
answer in French.

"The chicken."

"Le pouLet. "

[CORRECTS PRONUNCIATION]
Le pouLet.

"The frog."

[MISPRONOUNCES]
La green oil.

La grenouiLLe.

Minkus, come on.
There's letters here...

and you're only using
of them.

Au contraire.

The final "E" is silent.

The double "L" ls
like the Spanish "Ye".

And the diphthong
creates a "W" sound.

It's very simple.

No, Minkus,
you know what's simple?

Frog.

Yeah, the f-r-o is
pronounced "Fra".

And the "G" ls
like the English "Ga".

Why can't these French guys...

just speak English
like normal people?

Who cares
how the French talk?

I like how they kiss.

Wait a minute.

They kiss
differently, too?

Let me put it
this way, boys.

The tongue is not silent.

- Eeyeuw!
- Eeyeuw