07x06 - The F Word

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Younger"...

I just gotta get used to her being around.

Kinda sounds like you got a kid.

Thanks to her, I never, ever want children.

I run from babies.

We have an open teaching position, and you are a perfect fit.

Coming?

When you know what you want, you don't apologize for it.

You go for it.

Maggie, this is my wife, Camilla.

I remember you.

I literally told her to find a guy with kind eyes and a strong jawline to stand next to her, and she would jump ten points in the polls.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪ Leather or tweed?

Oh, tweed, definitely.

Very dignified.

I won't pretend that didn't hurt.

Don't be offended.

You served your purpose.

I just don't want to look too academic.

Sure, that makes sense, considering today is your first day as a literal professor!

Are you excited?

Artist-in-residence, technically, and no, I am just too nervous about the students...

Oh, you think you're gonna run into Kamila?

[GASPS]

Oh, sh*t.

You think I'm gonna run into her?

No!

No, I...

no.

I meant the students, too, obviously.

Nerve-racking.

But, yeah.

I mean, have you thought about the very real possibility that you might see the woman you rogered in an alleyway and turned out to be your new boss's wife?

Shh, let's talk about your problems instead.

Okay?

What's good with Chaz these days?

I haven't said a word about Charles.

No, no, but that little cartoon thought bubble above your head has a three-piece suit in it, and it's bespoke.

Just saying.

Okay, fine.

I decided I'm gonna tell Charles about Quinn.

If she's actually reentering politics and using him and his daughters to boost the viability of her campaign, he deserves to know.

- Uh-huh.

- And, if he stays with her, then at least I've done my part, and he's aware that she has an agenda.

And if not, well then, you know, he's making a informed decision based on all the facts.

- What?

- You don't need to rescue him.

I mean, he's not your responsibility anymore.

Well, it's not just him.

It's the girls, too.

Oh, I didn't realize you had joint custody.

I have a hunch you'd be nicer in the tweed.

♪ Oh, oh, I'm coming at you like oh ♪ ♪ Oh ♪

♪ Coming at you like oh ♪

I've been surrounded by greasy, un-showered roadies for weeks.

[LAUGHS]

- New York cannot come soon enough.

- [LAUGHS]

And neither can I.

- Hey, now.

- Clear your schedule.

We are not leaving that apartment, except maybe to go to the Pleasure Chest.

- So you want to get creative, hm?

- Mm-hmm.

- What'd you have in mind?

- Hm, I don't know.

- Surprise me.

- [LAUGHS]

Oh, Josh, can I have some of this pureed apricot

- in the fridge?

- Hey, shh.

Can I call you back tonight?

- [KISSES]

- Bye.

Hey, can you just not mention baby food

- when I'm on the phone with KT?

- No, come on.

You still haven't told her about your offspring?

It's not like I haven't tried.

She's never here.

And when she is, she usually just goes to sleep

- right afterwards, so...

- Josh, you need to tell her.

Okay?

The longer you wait, the bigger a deal it is.

It's festering, like an abscess.

Can you not compare my daughter to an abscess, please?

No, I meant the adorable kind.

[SIGHS]

I'll figure it out on my time.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

[KNOCKING]

- Morning, hi.

- Good morning, Eliza.

I'm just going to come right out and say this.

Maybe I'm not the best person to be telling you, so don't sh**t the messenger, but there's something that you need to know.

Hey.

Are we meeting in here today?

Hi, hi, team.

Oof, you okay, Lies?

What did you just call me?

Lies, like short for Liza?

Relax, it's funny.

I have another meeting.

And...

Quinn, you are in good hands with these two.

The conference room's open.

Okay.

[SOFT MUSIC]

♪ ♪ Speak later?

Yeah, sure.

I'll see you in there.

Something you need?

No.

Have a good meeting.

♪ ♪ The early buzz is really helping with presales.

Numbers are climbing.

Are bulk sales responsible for these numbers?

I hate to ask, Quinn, but you understand given your history?

Oh, Liza.

You sweet little elephant.

You never forget a thing.

No, didn't you read chapter three?

I learned my lesson from that fiasco.

Also, did my assistant send over the dietary restrictions for Elon Musk?

He's vegan, but he will do bone broth.

Copy that.

Everything else for the party is looking great.

Lauren has lined up a bunch of press, and people seem to be excited about the venue change.

Did we change it from The Beekman?

Yeah, Quinn had an in at the TWA.

As in the defunct airline?

Liza, you of all people should know that failure doesn't mean you can't fly again.

It's the perfect venue for "The F Word." Any-who, thank you for the update.

I've gotta run.

I'm having brunch with Kara Swisher, and if I'm late, she'll vaporize my career.

I know you're trying, but maybe don't stir the pot so much.

It's not me.

It's Quinn!

- She's a self-stirring pot.

- It's not worth it.

You know, people keep telling me that.

I'm starting to think you all might be on to something.

I'm just looking out for you.

As someone who's gone head to head with Quinn, trust me, there's no winning or losing.

There's just hangovers.

You're right, I just need to focus on work... different work.

Well, we're having dinner with Redmond tonight, and I have a really good feeling about it.

If he doesn't bail on us again.

He won't.

Gah, cheer up, Lies.

It's catchy.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪ Hm.

Okay, okay.

Too literal.

This, people, is visual arts, not figure drawing.

Now, what's the first thing we all looked at on that statue?

- His d*ck.

- Bingo.

I mean, we can't help it.

It's in our nature, so tap into that primal instinct.

I mean, lucky for us, sex sells.

[BELL RINGS]

- Great class.

- Thanks.

Keep up the good work, people.

Oh, Maggie, you're a natural.

Whoa, thanks, Dean.

I didn't see you there.

Please, Dean is my mother.

Call me Cass.

What are you doing tomorrow night, because my wife would love to cook for you.

- You remember Kamila?

- Oh, how could I forget?

I'm sorry, but I have plans with my, um... my girlfriend.

I didn't know you were partnered up.

It's very new.

Well, you know, you can bring her along.

Kamila's a wonderful cook, and she has endless capacity for small talk.

She can go all night long.

Um... dinner it is!

- Oh, wonderful!

- Yeah.

♪ ♪ Very excited to hear who you've got for us, Redmond.

Can't I order first?

Fine, I was gonna save this for dessert, but get this...

BD Mulvaney said Empirical is her first choice, and she's basically a lock for "The Times" Best Seller List, so you're welcome.

- BD who?

- BD Mulvaney.

She's a mystery writer.

Unpublished, but has a huge online following with the AOL crowd.

Her latest is called "m*rder, She Blogged."

[LAUGHS]

What's with the giggling?

Is the air thinner up there?

No offense, Redmond, but generic label "m*rder, She Wrote" doesn't sound very current.

Yeah, well, that's the point.

It's cozy.

There's tea, and knitting, and gentle crime among upper middle class white folks in coastal Maine.

No, it's not current, but it does somehow defy the times.

Redmond, are you kidding?

There used to be a time when you were a resource for Millennial.

Millennial?

Uh, hm, I thought Millennial can't come to the phone right now.

Why?

Because she's dead.

We still would like relevant authors, okay, not dinosaurs.

That is not our brand.

Ahh, this is exactly your brand.

Millennial, Empirical, Mercury, Sterling Cooper Peters Brooks, whatever the hell you want to call it.

"m*rder, She Blogged" is essentially the female "Arabian Sea ." I should congratulate you.

You ladies have emerged as the mid-lit leaders of the new decade.

- Mid-lit?

- Middle-aged literature.

Last I heard, your pipeline was stacked with historical potboilers.

True or False?

Well, yes, but...

Well, if you wanna stay in that age bracket, the least you could do is get the she/her point of view.

Come on, this is win-win.

I can see it now: You publish the book, CBS turns it into a procedural starring Betty White, Metamucil pays the ad sales up front, and we all reap the benefits.

Lean into your identity, ladies.

We all gotta eat.

This is so depressing.

Like, mid-lit?

When did we go from forward momentum to just treading water?

If I had to guess, I'd say it was the day Empirical took over again as flagship.

Rebrand, remember?

That was not a rebrand.

That was an un-brand.

We can fix this, Kels.

We just have to figure out...

[LAUGHS]

How do we b*at the establishment when we've been effectively swallowed by them?

Isn't it obvious?

You guys need to do a complete in the opposite direction.

I mean, make your movement grassroots.

- To the people!

- Hey.

Huh, the people think we're some corporate, thriller-on-a-ship, m*rder-at-a-train-station, airport book factory.

No, they think Empirical is.

You and I are independent, human women with our own agency in this world.

The advantage our jobs have given us is the ability to scout talent.

We don't need Redmond for that.

Artists always find each other.

- Hm.

- Look at the Algonquin Round Table.

Those writers went on to be legends, but it really just started with friends sitting around a table, drinking and telling stories.

Pretty much what we're doing right here.

Exactly.

- Yeah.

- Think about it: We spread the word, we...

[LAUGHS]

we invite unpublished writers to come in, drink, read a few pages to a like-minded audience, and you and I get back to why we got into publishing in the first place.

Okay.

You are brilliant.

But it's got to stay underground.

It's got to be cool, or there's gonna be a line of boomers out the door.

And where can we do this?

What, here?

Yeah!

I mean, why not?

I think it's pretty dope.

Here.

Oh, my God, we could call it INKubator.

- [GASPS]

That is...

- That's good.

Okay, but how do we get low-key publicity?

- Like a Facebook group?

- Ahh!

No!

- Jesus!

- Oh, my God, Liza.

No, no, no, no.

Tell no one, and everyone will be there.

- Okay?

That's the key.

- [PHONE DINGS]

That's the thing.

You need to invite as few people as possible...

- Right, it's not...

it's a figure of speech.

- In fact, maybe we should even...

Let's make a secret friends group.

Wait, wait...

Liza, are you listening?

I'm on fire over here.

[GASPS]

Ooh, you guys, fire...

- tiki torches?

- No.

Okay, yeah, no, never mind.

I'm spiraling from the whiskey.

It's...

delete it.

Hey.

Do you think we can pull this off?

I have no idea.

But what have we got to lose?

♪ ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

[LAUGHTER]

It's coming...

Hi, everyone!

Welcome to INKubator.

We started this little salon because we are passionate about storytelling.

And we wanted to give writers a platform without judgment, without the pressure that often comes with pursuing a creative field.

INKubator is a place to share your pieces, and to experience the work of other artists.

The rough drafts we never get to see.

We have an open-mic policy here at INKubator,

- but first, drinks on us!

- Whoo-hoo!

♪ ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

Wait, wait, okay.

So we hate each other, and we make snide remarks like: "Wow, you sound just like your mother right now." That'll be fun, don't you think?

No, this is not supposed to be fun.

We're only here because I want to keep my job.

Now, I told Cass this is new, so we don't hate each other yet, okay?

Ah, okay, okay.

Not what I prepared, but I can take a note.

New couple, lovey-dovey, googly eyes, horny.

Got it!

No!

No horny vibes around the wife.

I don't know what's gonna set her off.

- That's not what you told me.

- Shh!

- Hello!

- Hi.

- Welcome.

- Hi.

Okay...

okay.

♪ ♪ "And when their antenna touched mine, I shuddered as four became two...

became one." Thank you.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Hey.

I'm Liza.

Dylan Park.

Nice to meet you.

Are you planning on reading tonight?

Um...

It's awesome that you've created a place free of pressure, but I still feel the pressure.

You were just listening to that, right?

Point being, there are no expectations here.

It's not that.

I'm pretty proud of my work.

Oh.

- Stage fright?

- Yep.

Public speaking isn't my forte.

You're a writer, not a performer.

It makes sense.

What's your writing about, if you don't mind my asking?

Nothing crazy.

It's just a multi-generational story following the coming-of-age journeys of a mother during the ' s, and her daughter in the early oughts, converging in modern day Queens.

I may have practiced that.

And I may be super intrigued.

Are those your pages?

Well, if you'd be comfortable sharing with just one person...

I'd love to read them.

♪ ♪

- To Maggie's first class.

- Yes!

- Mazel tov!

- Salud.

I am so proud of you, possum.

[BOTH GIGGLING]

- Lauren, st...

- Frisky, I tell you, girls.

She cannot get enough.

I bet.

More wine?

- Oh, yeah!

- Oh, yes, please.

Thank you, love.

You guys are fun.

So much fun.

You should join us for our girls' weekend in Provincetown.

We have a nifty share house in the Gallery District.

[GASPS]

P-town?

Uh, yes!

Sign our P's up.

What are your dates?

Labor Day's a no-go.

- When is Carnival?

- I don't know.

I will grab my calendar.

Yes, I'm old-school, and yes, it's a Kacey Musgraves Wall cal.

It was a gift!

Love her.

- P-town, really?

- What?

I mean, you're supposed to be shielding me from Kamila, not signing me up for gay-cations with her!

- Okay.

- [PHONE DINGS]

Wait, "Kamila would like to share a photo."

- What's AirDrop?

- [GASPS]

- It's her boobs.

Hit accept.

- No...

Lauren!

Oh, Jesus.

[GASPS]

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, my God, she's dropping more.

Wait, she's taking these from the bathroom.

Oh, my God.

Wait, wait...

no, no, no, no, no.

- Stop drop...

stop drop...

- Okay, she is clearly jealous of me.

Mission accomplished, right?

♪ ♪ - It's good.

- So good.

It's funny, and fresh, and thoughtful.

It's exactly the sort of thing that mid-lit isn't.

Liza, you're like one of those Italian hounds that hunts for truffles in large fields of sh*t.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I think we should bring this to Charles.

I mean, Empirical could give Dylan her very first book deal, and that could be huge for her career.

Mid-lit be damned.

I'm in!

Yes.

[LAUGHS]

Mm.

Seriously?

Thank you.

Dylan Park!

♪ Uh-uh ♪

[PHONE DINGS]

- _ - ♪ Gonna be the one who's on top, top, top ♪ ♪ Take the little bubbles ♪

- ♪ And pop, pop, pop ♪ -

[KNOCKING]

Hey, is Josh home?

Uh...

Nope, he's on his way.

Come on in.

Take a load off, make yourself at home, etc., etc.

[LAUGHS]

Thanks.

I'll just wait in his room.

I wanna get out of these smelly bus clothes.

Okay.

Um...

Why does Josh have all this baby stuff in his room?

Um...

you know what, that's actually none of my business.

Okay?

That's between you two, not me.

That's private.

Okay?

Okay, cool.

Good.

I'm so glad we discussed that.

Okay, I gotta go.

♪ ♪ [UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪ Oh.

Hey.

Here, have a Quinn and tonic.

It's weird.

Is that rum?

- Why isn't it gin?

- Yeah.

- That's why it's weird.

- [LAUGHS]

- Wow, look at this crowd.

- Oh, yeah.

"The Times," "Wall Street Journal," NPR, some cable news folks, and they don't show up for books.

It's basically a press conference - with a cocktail hour.

- Hm.

The power of Quinn Tyler.

[LAUGHS]

Mm, it's growing on me.

Like, it tastes wrong at first, but I don't know, it gets the job done.

Kinda like our guest of honor.

Wait, Charles brought his kids?

Yeah, Quinn was adamant that they come.

[PHONE DINGS]

- I'm gonna be right back.

- Yeah.

Hey.

- [PHONE DINGS]

- [PHONE DINGS]

- [PHONE DINGS]

[PHONE DINGS]

Hey, KT.

You here?

I'm waiting for you.

She's waiting for us.

There you go.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Hi, Daddy.

I'm hung-wy.

Oh, my God.

It's okay, it's okay.

I'm into whatever you're into.

Let me go there with you.

- Uh...

- [GEMMA CRIES]

Oh.

[CONTINUES CRYING]

[SIGHS]

[SOFT JAZZY MUSIC]

- Hey, there.

- Hi, Liza!

- Hi.

- [LAUGHS]

Hi, sweetie.

We missed you so much.

- Oh, I miss you, too.

- Hi, girls.

Charles, Quinn wants to borrow the girls for her speech.

What?

That's insane.

Uh...

That's fine.

- Come on, yeah?

- No, wait.

Charles, can I talk to you for a second?

Um...

- Go on.

I'll be right here.

- No, don't.

Sorry.

You're letting her borrow your daughters?

- It's no big deal.

- It is a big deal, Charles.

I wasn't going to say anything, but it feels irresponsible if I don't at this point.

I just got confirmation that you're being used.

- What are you talking about?

- I heard from my source that Quinn is announcing her run for governor tonight.

Right now.

And she's using your family to give her the picture-perfect image she didn't have last time around.

- [APPLAUSE]

- It's the truth.

Thank you.

Thank you all so much for being here tonight.

"The F Word" really is a testament to a woman rising from the ashes.

I've had many failures in my life.

Including in relationships.

But for the first time, I am with someone who wholeheartedly supports me, and whose family has become like my own.

It almost makes me feel like maybe I should take another s*ab

- at all the other things I failed at.

- [LAUGHTER]

Bianca and Nicole, come on out here, girls.

You have been such a bright spot in my life.

You have inspired me to pursue a lifelong dream.

Come here.

You're not gonna do anything?

You've got the wrong idea, Liza.

And with that, it is my honor to announce that I'm...

Starting a scholarship program!

You girls are so inspiring.

Get in here.

[APPLAUSE]

Thank you so much.

I owe you an apology.

- Forget it.

- No.

I'm sorry.

I didn't realize...

I just want what's best for you.

I said, forget it.

You want what's best for me, stay out of my personal life.

It's best for us.

Liza.

Liza.

Leaving so soon?

Quinn.

Congratulations on your big night.

I've got somewhere to be.

Is that all you want to say?

Excuse me?

The next time you investigate me, you might want to double-check your sources.

I was doing my due diligence as an editor when I fact-checked your book.

It's my job.

Is it also your job to spread rumors about me to my own boyfriend?

It wasn't a rumor.

I spoke with your former campaign manager.

Former?

No, she still works for me.

And you better believe when I do announce my run for governor, it's not gonna be at a two-bit book party like this.

You set me up?

You set yourself up.

You act like you're trying to protect Charles.

All you are doing is hurting him by holding on.

- I didn't...

- No, no.

No need for rebuttal.

Good night.

♪ ♪ Glad you stayed over last night.

I'm sorry about all the crying.

She's not usually that fussy.

No worries.

Although, the decibel levels were pretty close to a Floaty V concert, so you might have a pop star on your hands.

Hey, now.

Hey, maybe you could be her manager.

- Oh.

- [LAUGHS]

She does really like you.

Yeah.

About that.

Mm-hmm?

She's great, Josh.

You're great.

But?

But I'm not ready for the whole insta-family thing.

It's just more than I can handle right now.

I'm sorry.

I wish I would've said something sooner, but...

I don't know.

I was just...

was having so much fun with you.

And I always had so much fun with you.

Oh, and... Do you mind if I hang on to this?

It was kind of sexy for a minute.

Plus, I have a -hour flight to Osaka on Friday.

Uh, yeah.

Sure.

Thanks, and, um...

good luck with everything.

You, too.

Bye, Gemma.

- All right.

- Bye.

♪ ♪ Hey.

If I would've told you sooner, would it have made a difference?

Maybe.

♪ ♪ So, it's a literary party.

It's not a party.

INKubator is a salon-meets-speakeasy.

Or a writers' workshop, but underground.

It's a source for raw, untapped talent.

And Liza found the gem of the bunch.

And the best part is, the book's already written.

I know everyone is always saying blank is the new Joan Didion, but this girl actually might be.

She sounds like a great choice.

For another publisher.

Right now we are focused on blockbusters.

It's not the time for literary fiction.

Seriously?

You're not even gonna read the book?

The board will be reluctant to disrupt a proven formula.

Chicago wants best sellers.

James Patterson charts higher than literary debuts.

It's business.

And I'm sorry.

Sounds like you've already taken a personal interest in her.

No, you're right.

This isn't the right fit for Empirical.

If Millennial was still the flagship, we probably wouldn't even be asking for approval.

Millennial loved nothing more than young, green authors, but this is Empirical, isn't it?

It is.

Right.

We humbly withdraw our proposal.

Apologies for wasting your time.

Kelsey.

Hey.

Hey, what was that?

You totally flipped the script on me.

- We could have convinced him.

- I know.

I'm sorry, but that wasn't me giving up.

Dylan is our author.

She deserves better.

Our author.

INKubator can't offer someone a book deal.

I know, but talking about how it's this incredible wellspring for us, something that we built on our own, felt...

so familiar.

It felt like Millennial.

I don't have a plan.

Yet.

But I'll work on it.

We will.

Right?

You know, you're kinda my hero.

♪ ♪ ♪ Gonna show you what I got ♪ ♪ I got, I got ♪ ♪ Show you what I got ♪ ♪ Gonna show you what I got ♪ Next time on "Younger"...

I think it's time that I actually buy my own apartment in New York City.

Check out the broker you'll be working with.

A woman who knows what she wants.

Sometimes, I think she should just outsource if I don't satisfy her.

But then I think about the two of 'em together, I wanna k*ll 'em both.

You remember my novel about the affair that I had with an older woman after I graduated from college?

My past is coming back to haunt me.

After all our history together, you owe us that.

Things don't always turn out as planned.

Is he my son?

♪ ♪