01x10 - Fa-La-La-a-Rooney

[bunniefuu]

Hey, honey.

Check out my latest innovation in tree decorating.

I built a base that turns the tree so you can decorate it easier.

I call it "The Tree-zy Susan".

Yep.

After just three weeks in the wood shop, Dad has shaved five minutes off our decorating time.

I finished my Christmas wish list, Mommy.

The trick to getting what you really want for Christmas is to first ask for the impossible.

I throw in a "Mommy" or two to grease the wheels.

I only want one thing, Mommy.

Peace on earth, good will toward men.

Sorry, I guess that's two things.

Well, they're a little tough to wrap and put under the tree.

What else is on your list?

Well, I didn't think I'd need a backup, but I guess I could settle for The Screaming Dragon remote pilot helicopter with a built-in Well, they're kind of expensive.

But I think we can get you that helicopter.

That's how you get 'er done, son.

Oh, please.

Letting Parker think he's "working us".

Has become a Christmas tradition.

Last year he asked us to fill in the hole in the ozone layer.

He got a bike.

Seriously?

A helicopter?

He's just gonna break it in the first 15 minutes.

May as well flush your money down the toilet.

Oh, wait, you can't.

His remote control submarine already clogged it.

Mm, I hadn't thought about that.

Operation toilet dive was a search and rescue mission for the action figure I flushed the day before.

Never leave a man behind.

Yeah, you're not helping your case here.

I hate to say it, but I think Joey's right.

You're just too young for such a sophisticated toy.

All I want for Christmas now is revenge.

And the helicopter.

And the peace on earth stuff, but mostly revenge.

And the helicopter.

Dad, come on.

Joey's ruining Christmas.

Do something.

I'm a little tied up right now, buddy.

Better in stereo.

B b better in stereo.

- I'm up with the sunshine.

- Let's go.

- I lace up my high tops.

- Oh no.

- Slam dunk.

- Ready or not.

Yeah, show me what you got.

- I'm under the spotlight.

- Holler.

I dare you, come on and follow.

You dance to your own b*at.

I'll sing the melody.

When you say yea-ah-ah.

I say no-oh-oh.

When you say stop.

All I want to do is go, go, go.

You, you, the other half of me, me.

The half I'll never be.

The half that drives me crazy.

You, you, the better half of me, me.

The half I'll always need.

But we both know.

We're better in stereo Oh, I am so excited that you're headlining channel four's holiday spectacular.

Partly because it's great for the town, but mostly because I'd already told the committee you'd say yes.

I mean, how can I say no?

This is where it all began eight years ago.

My little baby's first time out on stage singing her little heart out.

I still remember how you wowed the crowd with "Frosty the Snowman".

And "White Christmas".

And "Little Drummer Boy".

By the time you'd finished "O Little Town of Bethlehem," I felt like I'd walked there myself.

I never wanted it to end.

And it almost didn't.

Liv Rooney?

Hi.

I'm Jenny Keene.

Hi.

You are the adorable little girl that I get to share the stage with this Christmas Eve.

I watched your audition tape, and you have some serious pipes, young lady.

It feels so good to be talented, doesn't it?

I want to be just like you when I grow up.

Well, you are certainly on the right track.

Eight years ago, I was you.

I was a starry-eyed little girl, excited to make her first TV appearance.

And I mean, after this show, my life changed forever.

It's true.

Without it, Liv never would have been cast in a local commercial as Mandy, the singing muffler.

Mandy says your muffler is a-okay.

We still get a discount.

But I didn't really have anyone to guide me, so I wanted to be that for you.

You know, this industry can get kind of tough, and it's good to have a mentor.

I can't believe Liv Rooney's going to be my celebrity mentor.

Oh, stop.

Celebrity mentor?

You don't have to say that I mean, you definitely can.

I'm not gonna stop you.

Ho ho ho.

No no no.

Dude, what's with the suit?

I have a plan to turn Christmas cheer into Christmas ka-ching.

Ka-ching just bought you 15 seconds.

Impress me.

Okay, so they do that holiday spectacular tree lighting ceremony in the park next to Ridgewood High.

But do you know what they don't have?

Seven more seconds to impress me?

A Santa stand.

Adorable kids plus sentimental parents equals cold hard cash.

Whoa.

You actually had a good idea.

It's a Christmas miracle.

Well I spent too much on Christmas presents this year and I owe Dad some money.

I need your help.

So You in?

Keep your friends close and your jerky brother closer.

If I can't play with the helicopter until I break it, I'm gonna play with Joey until I break him.

A little quality time with my big bro on Christmas Eve?

You bet.

This is channel four meteorologist Johnny Nimbus!

Coming at you live from the sight of tomorrow's holiday spectacular.

And I'm here alongside Pete Rooney, the Chairman of the Stevens Point tree lighting committee.

Now, Pete, I see a tree, not a lot of lights.

Don't leave us in the dark.

Classic Nimbus.

But seriously, what have you got planned?

Are we on the air now, like, now now?

Now?

Hi.

Uh, yeah we're live to over 50,000 viewers.

Although I think that number drops every second you stand there like a frozen snowman.

Excuse me, Johnny.

Hi.

I'm Maddie Rooney, co-chair.

And think I could shed some light on that.

Classic Maddie.

So we envision a tree completely lit by candles.

And we call it "Christmas unplugged".

Hmm.

"Christmas unplugged".

Well, last year the Griswold family lit their tree with lasers and then they had a stealth bomber fly over and drop tinsel, but hey I guess not everybody has to try.

- So - Uh, wait.

You didn't let me finish.

We were going to do the thing that I just said, but then we changed our minds and came up with something bigger and better and more awesome-er.

All right.

That's what Stevens Point wants to hear.

Come on, give me the deets.

What have you got planned?

Merry Christmas.

Well, Johnny, I think we're trying to keep our master plan kind of under wraps right now.

But I can promise you that the Rooney tree is going to be the biggest and the best that Stevens Point has ever seen.

Bam, what?!

Oh-ho!

All right.

You heard it from Maddie Rooney.

Boom, zap!

So don't forget to come on down tomorrow night and see this amazing tree!

In the snow!

That's right.

Rebel meteorologist Johnny Nimbus is ignoring the mega doppler radar, and every other station in town to guarantee you!

A white Christmas.

Nimbus out.

- Great job, kid.

- Thanks.

What did I just do?

I just promised that we could top the Griswolds' tinsel flyby.

Why did I just promise that?

Next time, just let me do the talking.

Ho ho ho, who wouldn't go?

Ho ho ho, who wouldn't go?

Up on the housetop click click click.

Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick.

Jenny, that was so great.

That means everything coming from you, Liv.

Well between this duet and Liv's solo, this is going to be the best tree lighting ceremony ever.

Oh, thank you, Mrs.

Rooney, for your wonderful flute playing.

It's like listening to beauty share a hug with Grace.

Well, thank you, Jenny.

You know, I was a bit of a triple thr*at in high school myself.

Flute, baton twirling, and flag spinning.

Pep squad in the house.

Once you've mastered the flag twirl You never forget.

It's in my bones.

Well, I'm gonna go check on dinner.

Now you girls keep practicing.

You sound great.

Aw.

Everyone sounds great when they're singing with Liv.

Because you sound like a dying walrus.

You are just too sweet.

Wait, what?

Listen up, blondie.

I'm making some changes starting with this stupid outfit.

I'm the star of the show.

I should have the cool dress!

Um I'm pretty sure I'm the star of the show.

I am the one lighting the tree, oh, and also I'm the one who had her own hit TV show.

If you try to steal my spotlight, I will chew you up and spit you out.

Mrs. Rooney.

Could you drive me home?

I promised Mommy I'd read to grandpa tonight.

Well, you are just too good to be true.

Sure, I was just gonna get some things for dinner.

Let's go.

Not before I get a hug from Liv.

Watch your back.

Oh.

That girl is such an Angel.

She insisted that I give you these cookies.

Mom!

Don't eat those.

Now I know we watch our carbs around the holidays, but what was that?

Jenny Keene is a monster.

Yeah.

One minute it's "beauty sharing a hug with Grace".

And the next it's "watch your back".

Honey, that can't be true.

During the ride home, she sang me "the 12 days of Christmas" Complimented my shoes, and offered me gas money.

Ha!

She's a liar.

Your shoes are hideous.

Honey Imagine how scared that little girl must be to share a spotlight with Liv Rooney.

Yeah.

I guess you're right.

Must be so cold there in my shadow.

Look, this is what being a mentor is all about.

That little girl needs your guidance.

I guess everybody gets nervous in different ways.

You know some people chew their fingernails, and other people turn into a Demon spawn.

Well, let's cheer ourselves up.

We can watch the clip of your Dad freezing up on the news again.

Merry Christmas.

Status update, Dad?

I've strung seven and a half miles of tree lights, hardwired her into the main power grid to the school, and duct taped 19 power strips together.

We are gonna blow the Griswolds away.

Hey.

Check out the awesome tree topper I found.

You You might need these.

Whoa.

Every superhero in the world is gonna report to Stevens Point this Christmas Eve.

Go Rooneys.

Yeah.

Run along now.

Merry Christmas.

I have to hand it to you, setting up right next to the park was genius.

Why don't you run over there and round up some more customers, my good Elf?

You got it, Mr. Kringle.

Oh, how I wanted to shove fake snow in that stupid jolly face of his.

But first, I was gonna mess with him.

And frankly, the tips were great.

Whoa-ho-ho!

Santa's lap is not a toilet.

That is like the fifth kid to do that.

What is going on here?

Free apple cider.

Remember, you cannot get on Santa's lap until you drink every last drop.

Good Evening, Stevens Point!

And Welcome to the channel four tree lighting holiday spectacular.

Brought to you by Greenstein's Bagels Your schmear for Christmas cheer.

Mmm!

Delicious.

Hey, everybody, I'm Johnny Nimbus.

The only weatherman guaranteeing you a white Christmas.

That's right.

No other channel's predicting snow.

Why you gotta hate, channel eight?

Cue my snow.

Come on.

Here it comes.

Any minute now.

All right, it's coming, folks.

Don't worry about it, but hey, right now, I want you to give it up for hometown sweetheart Liv Rooney!

And newcomer Jenny Keene.

Up on the housetop reindeer pause.

Out jumps good old Santa Claus.

Down through the chimney with lots of toys.

All for the little ones, Christmas joys.

How dare that ungrateful little reindeer come out wearing the same cutie claus outfit as me.

And look cuter than me in it.

Ho ho ho, who wouldn't go?

Ho ho ho, who wouldn't go?

Up on the housetop, click click click.

Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick.

Oops.

I think I just landed myself on the naughty list.

Ho ho ho, who wouldn't go?

Ho ho ho, who wouldn't go?

Up on the housetop, click click click.

Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick.

I don't know when you and Jenny worked out that comedy routine, but it was hysterical.

No, that wasn't planned.

She was trying to destroy me.

Come on, Liv.

That sweet little girl was not trying to destroy you.

Did you all not just see the candy cane b*at down?

She was doing absolutely everything she could to make me look bad.

Give her a break, Liv.

Do you not remember how you were at her age?

I was not a monster like that.

- I have to go get wardrobe.

- Got to work on that tree.

Ho ho ho.

So you are the last kid on Santa's lap.

What are you gonna do?

Pee on me, spit in my face, pour itching powder down my suit, throw my glasses in the bushes?

I have seen it all today, kid.

Just pick one and do it quick.

Blowing your nose in my beard was not an option.

Get off of me.

Parker, there you are.

Here's 10 bucks.

Add it to the pot.

How much did we end up with?

Including the 10 bucks, that would be What?

They've been handing you money all afternoon.

Where did it go?

I'm sorry.

I meant 10 bucks and this.

One Screaming Dragon helicopter.

You used all of our Santa money and bought yourself the helicopter?

I also paid kids to pee on you, spit in your face, pour itching powder down your suit, and throw your glasses into the bushes.

Why?

Because Mom was gonna get that helicopter for me until you wrecked my dream.

Welcome to Christmas revenge.

Ho-ho-how you like me now?

The only reason I did this Santa stand was so I could pay off your Christmas present.

I talked Mom out of getting you that helicopter Because I already got it for you.

I'm sorry, munch.

I had no idea you cared.

Me either.

I guess it's just the Christmas spirit.

Come on.

Are you hugging me because you love me, or because you're covered in kid pee?

Mm, why can't it be both?

'Twas the night before Christmas!

And all through the park There are a bunch of people saying "hey, Johnny, why's that tree still dark?" Huh?

All right, folks.

Well, before our big show-stopping solo, Liv Rooney has the honor of lighting that tree.

So let's get her out here, huh?

Come on.

Thank you, Johnny.

Lighting this tree is a great honor But it is one that I would like to pass on to the young and Very talented Jenny Keene.

This is her moment.

Maybe all Jenny needed was that one person to truly care about her so that she could blossom into the greatest version of herself.

Get off my stage, blondie.

Okay.

Maybe not.

Merry Christmas, Stevens Point.

Ha!

Yes!

Ha ha.

Uh, Dad, is that supposed to be smoking like that?

Well, it looks like little Jenny Keene just ruined Christmas.

Christmas Tree down.

Christmas Tree down!

Liv Rooney, you set me up!

She ruined my big moment.

I hate this town, and everyone in it!

And that, ladies and gentlemen Was little Jenny Keene's impression of Ebenezer Scrooge.

Yay, Jenny.

Oh, what a talented little actress, am I right?

So that's probably it for the show.

Merry Christmas?

Oh.

Wow.

She really is a monster.

Yeah, I told you, Mom.

She is way worse than I was.

It's Christmas, Sweetie.

Sure.

Well, I guess the show's over.

- It's a bummer.

- Oh, I know, honey.

I was I was really looking forward to your big solo.

Don't give up yet.

I think Dad and I may have actually found a way to save Christmas.

Get ready for "Christmas unplugged".

And Liv gets to sing "let it snow".

That is the only song you'll be singing, right?

Oh, the weather outside is frightful.

But the fire is so delightful.

And since we've no place to go Let it snow, let it snow.

Let it snow.

Oh, it doesn't show signs of stopping.

And I've bought some corn for popping.

The lights are turned way down low.

Let it snow, let it snow.

Let it snow Even though it didn't snow, it's kind of the perfect Christmas Eve, huh?

Yeah, except I already broke my helicopter.

Well, at least you have a backup.

Nope, broke that one too.

All the way home I'll be warm.

The fire is slowly dying.

And my dear, we're still goodbye-ing.

But as long as you love me so.

Let it snow, let it snow.

Let it snow.

All right, listen.

Good night, everybody.

I know it didn't snow, but at least it didn't rain, right?

Are you kidding me?

Uh, Parker, Dad, come quick before it stops.

- What is it, son?

- Is it snowing on Christmas?

Better.

I got her those for Christmas.

Oh, thank you, Father.