01x17 - Howl-a-Rooney

[bunniefuu]

Okay.

Take a sip.

You will never guess what's in this one.

Skim milk, avocado, peanut butter, a hint of zit puss, celery juice and half a chewed-up chicken nugget.

I have said it before, and I will say it again.

Amazing.

Boys boys boys boys boys boys.

Set your phasers to excitement.

Okay.

The producers of "space werewolves" just called.

There are apparently only three actors still in the running for the lead, and I'm one of them!

Whoo!

"Space werewolves" is the greatest Sci-Fi graphic novel ever.

It is the epic tale of Tristan Lycanth, half-wolf, half-human, and his battle to save his planet.

It is like "star wars" and "lord of t rings" had a baby, and then "the avengers" adopted it.

Tristan is the baddest dude in the galaxy.

But if Liv gets the part, they're gonna change him to a her.

And then the baddest dude in the galaxy will be My sister.

Guys, my final audition is in a week.

This is the part that could make me a movie star.

Unbelievable.

My sister is gonna be Tristan Lycanth.

Who are the two losers you're up against?

Ryan Gosling and Vin Diesel.

Ohh!

Better in stereo b b better in stereo I'm up with the sunshine let's go I lace up my high tops oh no slam dunk ready or not yeah, show me what you got I'm under the spotlight holler I dare you, come on and follow you dance to your own b*at I'll sing the melody when you say yea-ah-ah I say no-oh-oh when you say stop all I want to do is go, go, go you, you, the other half of me, me the half I'll never be-e the half that drives me crazy you, you, the better half of me, me the half I'll always need but we both know we're better in stereo.

- Hey.

- Hey.

You keep saying you want to do couple-y things now that we're officially in like?

Well, it's mostly been you that's been saying that, but you're really cute when you talk, so continue.

Well, I signed us up for dance lessons.

Ooh.

That could be romantic.

What kind?

Saa, tango, waltz?

Breakdanng!

Breakdancing?

Yeah.

Um, Diggie, that's not couple-y.

Oh, mads, you're so wrong.

My wave could connect right to your wave.

What!

Ah, chain wave.

Give me some of that.

Sorry, guys.

Breaking's just not really my thing.

It's hard to believe we're even related.

Um, well hey, here's an idea.

You guys both seem really excited about this, so why don't you take the lessons together?

And then Diggie, you and I can figure out something that we both want to do.

We are breaking bros now.

Chain wave.

Yeah yeah, that was nice.

Now let me show you my wave.

Buh-bye.

Ready?

Rye bread, marmalade, pureed cauliflower, the good bologna and just a hint of toenail.

Left foot, big toe.

Nailed it.

Okay.

So boys, you got me a little bit nervous about my "space werewolves" audition, so I decided to get my wolf on with this: "The way of the wolf" by emmy "fangs" wolfert.

"Fangs" is a teenage wolf girl.

When she was little, she wandered off on a camping trip and spent the ne 10 years of her life in the wild being raised by wolves.

I wonder if that's how Maddie became Maddie.

She likes wolves.

Big whoop.

I heard diesel wants thpart so bad, he had wolf fangs surgically implanted.

What?

And for the past two months, Gosling's been eating nothing but roadkill.

They're gonna crush me.

Okay, I need your help.

How do I figure out Tristan?

What's his thing?

No brainer.

It's his howl.

Okay, yeah.

I got this.

It's like 50% wolf, 50% Liv.

What do you guys think?

- Diesel.

- Gosling.

Whoa.

That was awesome, qpop.

Yeah, q-pop don't stop.

Oh.

Mc j-town in da house.

Mc j-town be his own boy.

Respect!

Joey, this is q-pop.

He's our dance instructor.

Oh, well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr.

pop.

My mission is to get fresh, stay fresh, then refresh.

I just dropped my motto on this grotto.

This is so cool.

I can't believe Maddie bailed.

I feel so alive.

Her loss is the breaking bros' gain.

Plus, who knew I lived in a grotto.

Right?

All right.

Let's see what y'all are working with.

Time to get fresh, y'all.

When I drop the b*at, I want to see you robot.

Oh no.

Gentlemen, are y'all trying to make q-pop cry?

All right, let's try to back it up to a simpler move, okay?

This one is called "finding the b*at!" Okay, wait.

Slow down.

How are you making that noise with your fingers?

Okay, here we go.

Okay, this is just frozen mustard.

But from where?

A light yellow dijon originally crafted in France but now manufactured in Kentucky Dipped once no.

Twice!

In hot dog water.

Ah.

Inspiring.

Fangs is here!

Fangs is here.

Ooh, the girl from the book?

Yeah.

You guys were right.

I've realized that if I want this part I have to do something really big, so I hired fangs to help me tap into my inner wolf.

Delivery for Liv Rooney?

- Sign here.

- Okay.

Oh.

That's so weird.

Maybe fangs had all her bags shipped here?

Is that fangs?

No, munch, it's a different girl who was raised by wolves.

Hello, fangs!

Me Liv!

I read this in her book.

She has to get used to the smell of new people.

Your scent is acceptable.

Sorry about the cage.

My wolf instincts are strong, and I don't trust myself around new humans.

Plus, it's cheaper to travel in cargo.

Well, fangs, these are my brothers.

Not gonna lie, I'm into this.

Glad you called, Rooney.

I never miss a chance to make sure wolves are accurately portrayed in the media.

Well, then, if anyone asks, I will proudly state for the record that you did not eat my grandma or blow my house down.

See, that right there?

Offensive.

Let's begin.

Tristan Lycanth is half-wolf.

Wolves are majestic, fierce creatures.

You got any wolf in you, Rooney?

Um, no.

No, she does not.

Live she sniffed my pits.

I can't lie to her.

Howl for me.

It's the most important part about being a wolf.

It asserts your dominance.

Well, my howl is dom-alicious.

Rooney, we have work to do.

What?

You're gonna live like a wolf, hunt like a wolf, eat like a wolf and poop like a wolf.

Oh, I can show her the last one.

Yeah, I can imitate the pooping styles of 84 different animal species.

Your offer of a poop demo is appreciated, little man.

But Liv's my student now.

Welcome to my wolf pack.

This is gonna be so awesome.

And if you need the restroom, it's just back that way.

Nah.

Marked my territory on your porch before I came in.

Ooh, got an itch.

Can't get it.

Can't get it.

- Can't get it.

- Okay.

Help a wolf out!

Oh!

Ahh, that's the stuff.

Yeah?

Wolf girl is cray cray.

But she is going to give me the forest cred that I need to really nail this audition.

Scrape that off the road and eat it, Gosling.

This is from the forest where my wolf family raised me.

Lots of good stink to roll around in.

Oh!

Ah.

Ahh.

Your turn, wolf pup.

Get up in it.

Okay.

Whoo.

Look at me.

Scooting around in the filth.

Whoo.

Like an animal.

I am wild!

- Rooney - Yeah?

- Can I get real for a minute?

- Mm-hmm?

If you want to ace this audition, you have to go full wolf.

Wolves are territorial animals.

- Yeah.

- They take what's theirs, and they don't back down.

- Yeah.

Let's try something else.

What?

You want it?

Take it.

Okay.

I'm gonna go get the hose.

- Sick b*at.

- Super tight.

So The two of you have gone from breakdancing to sharing ear buds.

That is so cute.

Q-pop says you gotta dare to share.

Yeah.

Speaking of sharing, I haven't really seen you much lately.

Do you want to go grab some fro-yo after school?

Oh, I'd love to, but we have a breaking lesson tonight.

Check out these funky fresh moves.

- Ready, Joseph?

- So ready, digs.

Seven, eight.

What?

Yeah!

Some of this?

Oh, oh!

And down to the ground.

Uh!

Beam me up!

- What up?

- Fist bump.

Good sesh.

Great training sesh this morning, fangs.

It was so much fun chasing ducks.

Tell me about it.

They've had it too good for too long.

I think we've earned lunch.

Eating off the floor.

Were you raised by wolves?

Mom.

Oh, sorry sorry.

Sorry sorry sorry.

Thanks for training with me so hard this week, fangs.

I am going to nail this audition.

That part is so mine, am I right?

When the wolf is silent, the wolf disapproves.

What's wrong?

As good as you're doing, the only way you're gonna nail that audition is if you nail your howl.

It is the heart and soul of any wolf.

Wow, I Think you scared every dog in the neighborhood.

No.

There's a doberman on the next block who didn't reply.

There he is.

He apologized.

You can't pee and bark at the same time.

Okay, Rooney.

Your turn.

Okay.

Quit goofing around.

You're not taking your howl seriously.

You know what?

I'm out.

What?

You can't be out.

We're in a pack.

You licked my face.

I'm sorry, Rooney.

We've gone as far as we can go.

Plus, I'm itchy and your mom won't let me drag my butt on your carpet.

You know what?

Fine.

I am going to be an awesome Tristan without your help.

Oh, you want this?

Mmm.

Yeah?

Yeah, I know you want it.

Yum yum, right?

Go get it!

Stupid wolf.

Yes, yes, no, book it, hate it, orange Who is this?!

- Liv Rooney, superstar.

- Hi.

Been dying to meet the girl who's got the nerve to go up against Ryan Gosling and Vin diesel.

We are dying to see what you have for us today.

Now remember, the most important thing is that big howl at the end of your speech.

Really let loose.

Take all the time you need to get ready.

I don't want to rush you.

And action!

This was it.

This was my chance to become a movie star.

By the sting of my proton whip, I will bring you to your knees, for I am your doom.

I am wolf.

I am Tristan Lycanth.

And?!

Oh, right.

And scene.

No, where was my howl?

I need to hear a howl.

Let's try it again from the top.

Okay.

Um, just to be clear, though, this is gonna be without the howl?

With the howl.

Right.

When you two marshmallows first stepped up to the mat, I was like "breakdancing is gonna roast them alive.

" But I've been spitting a little knowledge to you two, and you all have soaked it up.

Mix master Maddie in the house!

Yeah.

Maddie, what are you doing here?

Diggie, I realized that Being a part of a couple means sometimes doing things that the other person likes.

So I met up with q-pop earlier, and he taught me a couple moves.

I figure if I can't b*at 'em, break 'em.

Oh, and if you can't break 'em, breakdance.

Seriously, Maddie, breakdancing is mc j-town and dig-dog's thing whoa!

Cue it, pop.

Oh, that's how I do!

And that is how I do.

Yeah, okay.

b*at it, Joey.

The other "b*at it. " I know.

Okay.

Get ready for a howl that is going to change your life.

Okay, get ready.

It's coming.

Although, you know Just sort of like off the top of my head, what if it was sort of less of a howl and more of a whistle?

Yeah, yeah.

'Cause I mean, the audience totally just howl!

Got it.

My name is fangs wolfert, and I'm here to try out for the part of Tristan.

What are you doing?

Just give me one second to talk to my wolf coach real quick.

Get out.

A wolf takes what it wants.

And I'm taking this part.

Oh.

We are on a soundstage right now, fangs.

This is my territory.

Doesn't look like it.

I am Tristan Lycanth.

No, I am Tristan Lycanth.

And scene.

Wow.

Let us discuss and we'll get back to you.

Find out who styles the brunette's hair.

I love it.

Fangs!

All part of my plan.

Oh-ho You are good.

I knew that if I threatened your territory, all our hard work would pay off and your inner wolf would emerge.

Well, I don't know if I'd b*at Gosling or diesel, but I did it, fangs.

I howled.

I heard.

It sounded like my mother.

Oh, this tension is k*lling me.

Our little baby could be a movie star.

Not could be.

Will be.

Guys guys guys guys.

She just pulled up.

Okay, everybody just act normal.

Okay More normal than that.

Hey guys.

Oh no.

Oh well, who can b*at Gosling and Diesel?

Yeah.

Liv Rooney, that's who!

I got the part!

I'm gonna be Tristan Lycanth.

This is amazing news!

Let's celebrate!

We need to party!

- Whoop whoop whoop!

- Party!

- I want to - Party.

- I need to - Guys, guys?

I really really really appreciate that, but I'm pretty wiped out from the audition, so I think I'm just gonna go to bed.

Good night.

Six, seven, eight.

- Party!

- Whoop whoop whoop!