02x09 - Wax Patrol

[bunniefuu]

[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUFFLED SINGING]

♪ Keep your eyes on your fellow man ♪

♪ Old man Caesar in his big empire ♪

♪ Would just sit by still
through higher and higher ♪

♪ Never had to worry
about a dime to spend ♪

♪ He won the world in a year or two ♪

- ♪ Told everybody just what to do ♪
- _

♪ But he sure found out ♪

♪ Brutus wasn't his friend ♪

♪ Well, that's it, Jack
don't turn your back ♪

♪ Don't you keep your
mind in a paper sack ♪

♪ Just keep your eyes
on your fellow man ♪

Song was for you.

Knew it was time for your break.

Take half. It's all I got today.

Been savin' up them
nickels you usually give me.

You're like a cat. You know that?

Mysterious.

Can't tell if you want
someone for petting

or for scratching.

Just getting familiar
with my surroundings.

Where you from?

Many places.

Does the cat have a name?

- Miranda.
- Miranda.

Well, I could show you around.

Take you to some new spots.

We could dance a little?

My favorite? The Blue Moon Bar.

Best jukebox in town...

maybe Saturday night?

Sure.

This is what I bought with
the nickels you give me.

It's for you.

Been waiting for you to
give me the time of day.

Does this work on other girls?

Is it working on you?

[SIGHS] Uh...

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ah, nah.

Been dreaming about
this day, just happy.

Didn't mean no disrespect.

Let me slow it down for you.

Let's start over.

Saturday night.

Ah...

I get off at : .

["PICTURES OF YOU" PLAYING]

[WHIRRING]

Uh, laundry day?

Clara's getting married and somehow,

for the grace of sweet baby Jesus,

I scored a ticket.

And you're going to wear a T-shirt?

Which will be fine. I mean...

everyone will be looking
at the bride, anyway.

["PICTURES OF YOU" STARTS AGAIN]

I'm having a hard time picking one out.

I'm going for the most
clean and least offensive.

Tough choices.

This is a solid collection.

Jane picked them for me. Who are you?

I'm Miranda.

Miranda? Didn't you jump into a well?

I did. I healed.

Where's Jane?

Resting. We took a trip
to our childhood home

and I'm afraid she was triggered.

She had to climb into an old
well. It was pretty rough.

Oh. Okay. Tell her I said hey.

Uh...

Well, if everyone's going
to be looking at the bride...

When your father is a gigantic robot?

That's a point.

Miranda's awesome.

- ["PICTURES OF YOU" CONTINUES]
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]

Vic, you've been playing
this sad love song on repeat.

[REDUCES VOLUME]

It's the only thing that helps.

Everyone gets their heart broken.

I had mine broken at least times

by the time I was your age.

There's no superhuman strength

that can save you from heartache.

I lost her.

I'm a failure.

You think you failed?

I had a sh*t to stop
Roni, just like you.

And I completely froze.

Like an idiot.

[SIGHS]

Cliff is leaving for
his daughter's wedding.

We need to say good-bye.

♪ That I ever wanted more ♪

♪ Than to never feel
the breaking apart ♪

♪ My pictures of you ♪

Well, proud papa is off to
see my baby girl do that thing

that is usually the biggest
mistake of people's lives.

She'll be so happy her father is there.

Oh, God. You can't just
do that to a person.

[HERSCHEL] Armageddon.

You forgot to say knock-knock.

[HERSCHEL] No, real Armageddon.

It's happening at the
Dietel County Fair.

Dorothy needs help.

She can't hold back the Candlemaker.

And what, pray tell, is the Candlemaker?

[CLIFF] It's everything
Chief warned us about

when he warned us about Dorothy.

[HERSCHEL] He's wreaking havoc
and now the Chief's dying.

And nobody can find him.

And all of humanity's
about to go up in wax.

We're on our way.

Hurry!

What, I can't lead a mission?

Okay.

- I'm in.
- Me too.

You think Flit can get us there?

Flit's in. So am I.

Well, I'm out. I wanna see
my daughter get married.

If it's the end of the world,
there won't be a wedding.

If it's the end of the world,

I deserve to spend it with my family.

What the hell are we?

For as long as I can remember,

no one out there has
given a damn about us.

- We're all we have.
- So that's it?

- Chief wins again?
- [VIC] This isn't about the Chief.

This is about Dorothy.

And for me, it's about Clara.

I have a daughter too!

He's responsible for
the life he f*cked up.

I'm responsible for
the life I f*cked up.

I'm going to repair mine.

If you want to be the man your
daughter expects you to be,

then you'll help an -year-old
girl whose life is in danger.

[BUMP] Hi, you've reached

Salty Bumps' bar and restaurant

and tackle shop.

- Our operating hours are : a.m. to : a.m.
- f*ck! f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!

f*ck you, Bump.

- Closed on Sundays for Jesus.
- [TONE BEEPS]

Uh, hi, Clara, it's your
f*cking Father of the Year.

Something's come up and I'm not sure

I understand myself, but...

I might have to miss the wedding.

I'm sorry.

And I know, I'm the last guy

you want to hear another promise from,

but I promise to be there

to welcome my first and only grandchild.

- I mean it.
- [TONE BEEPS]

- [THUDS]
- Oh, I'm a f*cking loser.

[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[MIRANDA] Thanks, Flit.

[LARRY] What the hell happened here?

Okay. So,

we have teleported up
Walt Disney's assh*le.

Now what?

We find Niles, we find Dorothy
and we get the hell out of here.

Yeah, good luck with that.

What the f*ck kind of Mike
Tyson sh*t happened to you?

[PANTING]

You can hold it back.

Concentrate.

You have to concentrate.

[CANDLEMAKER] The time for
concentration is over, girl.

I am here.

And so are your friends.

Good. Then they'll stop you.

Forget the girl, save yourselves.

The Candlemaker's h*jacked
that little sh*t's imagination,

summoned imaginary
friends to do its bidding.

Imaginary friends? Like the Spider?

"Like the Spider", he says...

You clueless pack of twats have
no idea what we're up against.

Our imaginary friends.

He's behind me, isn't he?

- [PUPPET LAUGHS]
- [KIPLING GROANS]

Your imaginary friend is
a Punch and Judy puppet?

It was the th century.

We didn't have Bugs cunting Bunny.

- He's gone.
- What the f*ck?

[LARRY] For the first time,
I actually agree with Cliff.

What the f*ck?

Look, Kipling can worry about himself.

We need to find Niles, and fast.

Let's split up.

We're gonna find Niles and we're
gonna k*ll that fucker dead.

You hear me? f*cking f*ck!

[LARRY] It's funny. I never
had an imaginary friend.

That is the saddest
thing I have ever heard.

[GASPS]

[ALARM BELL RINGING]

What's wrong? What's happening?

Sorry, the line went down.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]

Why did you go to the fairground?

Dorothy is not our friend.

You pulled the alarm to question me?

My job is to keep us moving forward.

That means making amends.

Even Jane would think before
doing some stupid sh*t like that.

Amends with that thing up there
that k*lled some of our own?

By the way, where is Jane?

Maybe she's with Lucy
Fugue or Scarlet Harlot.

They're missing too.

Have any of you asked yourself
if this is what the girl wants?

Hm?

Do you even know what Kay wants?

Because I do.

Tell you what, you little doggies
keep yapping at each other.

I have things to do.

[ALARM CONTINUES RINGING]

Mademoiselle Roxy?

Hello, my starlet, rosy cheeks Rita.

[LAUGHS] Look at you.

How long's it been?

- Ninety years.
- Wow.

Well, I'd say we've
both held up pretty well.

Am I still all the
things you aspired to?

- [DR. COWBOY] Howdy, partner!
- [ARM CANNON WHIRRING]

Dr. Cowboy?

Well, I'll be gosh darned

if you don't look tougher
than nails in that get-up.

You're not Dr. Cowboy. You can't be.

Did you, uh... You
make all that yourself?

What is that? Aluminum foil?

Not another step.

Oh, I remember this game.

[RITA] What's going on here?

I assume you're going
to, what, att*ck me?

Try to rip me limb from limb?

I feel I should warn you.

I have certain abilities now,

abilities I didn't possess as a child.

Stretchy abilities.

Blobby abilities.

They're really quite something.

att*ck you? Oh!

I have something much better planned.

I'm afraid running
isn't an option, dear.

Whenever you're ready.

- Draw!
- [SONIC WAVE BLASTS]

Oh! You got me.

[CHUCKLES] But you were
always a good sh*t, Vic.

[DR. COWBOY PANTING]

Plus, all I got is beakers.

[GRUNTS]

This is it for Dr. Cowboy, Vic.

Everything's so pale.

So pale.

[ARM CANNON POWERS UP]

How are you still here?

Well, I reckon it's on account of me

being in your imagination.

Besides, you and I
need to talk, partner.

I understand you're
having female problems.

- [ROXY] Ready?
- We'll see.

Then a one and a two and a...

Oh!

Not bad, kid. You still got it.

Chief? Dorothy? Hello?

It's all good.

We'll find shithead and
his kid and we'll split.

I might even make it to the wedding
in time to see Clara toss the...

[GRUNTS]

Get off me. Get off me!

- Jesus?
- Hey, Cliffy, you piece of sh*t.

What the f*ck? You
were my imaginary friend

for, like, half a summer at Bible Camp!

Yeah. And then you forsook my ass.

[CLIFF] Wait! Jesus.

I come in peace.

Maybe we could talk this out?

You think I give a
French fried titty f*ck

about anything you have
to say right now, Cliff?

I'm here to end you.

[CLIFF SCREAMS]

["IF YOU COULD READ MY MIND" PLAYING]

- Where do you want it?
- Uh...

This works, I think.

♪ About a ghost from a wishing well ♪

♪ In a castle dark ♪

You wanna take a break and fool around?

Uh, kind of.

♪ You know that ghost is me ♪

♪ And I will never be set free ♪

♪ As long as I'm a ghost... ♪

What?

I'm just thinking back to that girl

I met at the diner a couple years ago.

The one who went bananas
when I touched her cheek.

Oh, I hear she's a sex maniac now.

- Mm-hm.
- Mm.

♪ Just like a paperback novel ♪

♪ The kind the drugstore sells ♪

Can't believe we're doing this.

I know you keep saying that,

so I'll believe it, eventually.

Don't put that on me, okay?

♪ And you won't read that book again ♪

I'm not.

I'm just not as sure about
everything I do like you.

Okay?

I have...

things I...

have to think of before I
make a decision like this.

Look...

I know you didn't have the
happiest of homes growing up.

And I know you need
your alone time to sketch

and talk to yourself or whatever.

But I want you to know
that we'll make this work.

I know.

You think we can actually get
this place set up by Saturday?

What's this "we" business?

I'm sorry I can't take a day. I
gotta be seen around the office

- if they're going to move me up.
- Mm.

Remember that dirty hippie
guitarist outside the diner?

I hear he got a job.

- Mm.
- Mm, yeah.

He's working for the man now.

It's cool.

I'll have this place
unpacked and fantastic

before the house-warming on Saturday.

Your friends will be blown away.

Our friends.

Mm.

Our friends are really your friends.

Well, they all love you.

I know. I just...

feel alone sometimes
when we all hang out.

Okay.

You wanna come up with a sign?

Let me know if you start feeling alone?

Mm. How's this?

Too subtle.

Just hit me in the face and I'll know.

♪ I'm just tryin' to understand ♪

- Hey.
- Yeah?

I left the moving van unlocked.

You should go downstairs before
someone steals your stuff.

sh*t.

♪ And I've got to say
that I just don't get it ♪

♪ I don't know where we went wrong ♪

♪ But the feeling's gone and
I just can't get it back ♪

Thank you.

[WHISPERING] This is a
good thing, for all of us.

I promise.

[ECHOING] I promise.
I promise. I promise...

[CANDLEMAKER] I know you think
you're helping your friends.

- But the only power here is mine...
- [BREATH TREMBLING]

... and the longer you
try to hold me back,

the more I'm going to t*rture them.

Just remember the pain I inflict,

- it's all on you.
- [OBJECTS CLATTERING]

Chief! Can you hear me?

[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Kipling?

What the hell happened to you?

[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]

Help!

[CLIFF] Jesus?

Jesus?

[SIGHING] Okay... Okay.

Ahh, Jesus! [GROANS]

[JESUS GRUNTS]

[CLIFF] f*ck!

You imaginary ass bitch.
How's this real sh*t feel, huh?

- [GRUNTS]
- Oh, my eye!

Jesus!

- [JESUS GRUNTING]
- [CLIFF YELLS]

Getting tired?

Not on your life.

Oh, dancing together again

makes me almost wish
you never got that part.

Your career takes off
and old Roxy got crumpled

and tossed in the bin.

I guess success does change people.

It wasn't the role. It's how I got it.

- [ROXY] What did you have to do?
- I didn't have to do a thing.

It was my mother.

So you just let this Roni character go?

Roni's not all bad.

I know that.

And what about Quorum?

After what they did to her,

maybe they deserve what's coming to 'em.

They do sound like a
bunch of no good varmints.

So, what do you think?

You followed your gut.

I'm sure you made the right decision.

[JESUS GROANS]

[GRUNTING]

- [BUZZES]
- Oh, f*ck. You stupid frozen arm.

- Not now.
- Let me fix it for you.

[GROANS] f*ck! Oh, sh*t!

You have her eyes, you know.

I cut them from a photo of her,

I loved her eyes so much.

But after what she did, what I saw...

I couldn't bear to look
at her anymore. Or you.

[CLIFF] Why are you doing this, man?

You're supposed to be
all peaceful and sh*t.

- [GROANS]
- Why?

[GROANS]

Why?

Because you're a stinkin' Judas, dude.

We were thick as thieves
all through Bible camp,

until one day, out of the blue,

you act like you don't know me!

You don't play Jesus like that.

- f*ck Bible camp!
- f*ck you!

That's not what I'm asking.
I want some advice.

Oh, no sirree! [CHUCKLES]

Now that's what your dad is for.

Advice. Critiques. Judgment.

No, you made me for affirmation.

- That's not true.
- Sure it is.

Whatever you do,

I'm here to pat you on
the back and say yeehaw.

So... yeehaw, Vic.

You let a k*ller go loose. But hey,

if you're okay with it, so am I.

I was only at that f*cking place

because my mom needed
me out of the house

when she and my dad were splitting
up for like the millionth time.

Oh, so the whole time
you knew I was a temp?

No, man! What we had was great.

You were like a brother.

So what happened?

My dad came back.

And he swore things
were gonna be different.

He was gonna change.

Not just with my mom, but me.

He promised we were gonna
spend more time together.

- And you bought it?
- I was six!

Of course, I bought it. I needed my dad.

Six. Jesus, I had no idea.

[GRUNTS] Can you do that?

Take your name in vain?

Do you get some sort of pass?

No. Look, I hope it
was worth it for you.

It wasn't.

He didn't change.

And on some level, I
knew he never could.

I had to believe in my dad.

You know what that's like.

Thing is, I'm basically doing

the same thing with my daughter.

I'm sorry, Jesus.

It's all good, my man.

You became the last
thing that I wanted to be.

[IN CANDLEMAKER'S VOICE] And yet,
that's exactly what you became.

Desperate.

Willing to do anything
to get the next role.

That's all you know how to do, isn't it?

Look at yourself.

[IN CANDLEMAKER'S VOICE] You'll
always be that pathetic little boy,

looking for validation.

Who are you?

[ROXY IN CANDLEMAKER'S
VOICE] Who are you?

That's why you always
need a role, isn't it?

What?

[IN CANDLEMAKER'S VOICE]
You'll never grow up.

[SOBBING] I should've
known. Jesus forgives.

Yeah.

[IN CANDLEMAKER'S VOICE]
Unfortunately, for you,

I'm not Jesus.

What the f*ck?

[LIQUID SLOSHING]

["DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT" PLAYING]

♪ We get it almost every night ♪

[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

♪ When that moon gets big and bright ♪

- Miranda, this place is great!
- Thanks.

Bob. I share an office with John.

Bob. Right. Good to see you.

Don't get too used to this apartment.

If that guy over there
keeps making moves,

you'll be buying a place
out in the suburbs.

[MOUTHING] Help.

Oh, looks like someone needs a drink.

Get some of that rye
if there's any left.

♪ They don't bite they keep things
loose they keep things light ♪

[GIRLS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY, GIGGLING]

- [CHUCKLES]
- What's so funny?

♪ Everybody's feeling warm and bright ♪

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

It's official. You
throw a hell of a party.

[CHUCKLES]

Um, I have to deliver this.

♪ It's a supernatural delight ♪

♪ Everybody was dancing
in the moonlight ♪

Hey there. What's happening?

[WHISPERING] Bob kissed me.

He did?

- I told you everyone loves you.
- That's all you have to say about it?

Yeah, it's cool. Just be cool.

I am cool.

And we're entitled to howl at
the moon every once in a while.

[GIRLS LAUGHING]

I didn't know it was going
to be this kind of party.

Did you?

Hey, this could actually be good for us.

What are you talking about?

Trying something new.
Don't be so uptight.

You can be free with your
body. It's all about love.

I'll be with you the whole time.

I can't.

[SPEAKING SOFTLY] This is a lot.

Oh, man.

I'm sorry. We're moving too fast here.

[SIGHS]

You were right.

We shouldn't have moved in together.

We're in two different places.

What?

- Wait.
- We're in a rut, Miranda.

I know you feel it.

I hoped getting this place
would shake you out of it.

I love you,

but I can't stay stuck anymore.

Life is about moving forward,

experiencing new things.

I wanna do that with you.

Don't you wanna move forward?

Okay. Yeah.

That's my girl.

[SNIFFLING]

[BREATH TREMBLING]
Okay, we have to do this.

It's gonna be fine.

You'll see. It's gonna be fine.

[JOHNNY] Hey, hon...

you know Bob, of course.

And this is his wife, Tilly.

Hey.

♪ Feeling warm and bright it's
such a fine and natural sight ♪

♪ Everybody's dancing in the moonlight ♪

♪ Everybody's dancing in the moonlight ♪

[GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ I've been hungry all day long ♪

[WOMEN MOANING]

♪ For that girl who's wastin' time ♪

♪ She was here but now she's gone ♪

[MOANING CONTINUES]

♪ I've got a taste for wine... ♪

You're so good. So f*cking good.

[MOANING IN PLEASURE]

[PANTING]

Such a good girl.

[SNIFFLES, LAUGHING MANICALLY]

[PANTING, CHUCKLES]

What is this?

[CONTINUES LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

What are you doing?

[SOBBING]

[SPUTTERS] Please...

don't.

[PANTING] I have to go.

What's that? You... you okay?

[GASPING]

[MOANING IN PLEASURE]

[MOANING LOUDLY]

f*ck it... [GROANS] It's all for free...

It's all for free.

[MOANING]

[GRUNTING]

Get... off of me!

[PANTING] What's the matter?

[TREMBLING]

What happened?

- [GASPS]
- Miranda?

[INAUDIBLE]

[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

[WOMAN LAUGHING]

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

[WHISPERING] You were
supposed to keep us safe.

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Come on ♪

Kay.

Kay...

I thought I could lead us forward.

But I just led us back
here. I'm sorry, Kay.

[JOHNNY] Come on, baby, come on.

What do we do?

Did she O.D.?

[INDISTINCT MALE VOICE]

[TILLY] Oh, thank Christ.

Give her some air, you guys.

Come on, sweetheart.

Hey... Oh.

You scared the sh*t out of me.
What happened? Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah. Fine as wine.

[CHUCKLING] Okay.

So... who wants to get
back to f*cking? You?

What do you say, Bobby? You
seemed to be enjoying it before.

You wanna run up in it again?

How about you?

There's room for more gash, right?

Maybe he sticks it in while
one of you ride my face?

Or maybe we start up a daisy chain

and he watches while he cranks it.

- Come on. Let's be free!
- Miranda.

You m*therf*ckers.

You don't know a thing about love.

Not one of you.

This sh*t that happened tonight?

This scene isn't about love or freedom.

It's just more control.

Cooked up by men like this assh*le!

They stay in control

and keep taking from clueless b*tches.

And we let them because
we've tricked ourselves

into believing it's a f*cking choice.

I don't know who's
worse in this shitbox.

The tiny dicked losers...

or all of you sheep, opening up for them

because you're afraid... and empty.

Hey. Hey!

What the f*ck was that?

You knew when you
planned this little party.

You knew you'd have to
push this on Miranda,

and you knew exactly how to do it.

[SIGHS] I thought it would help us,

to grow!

Bullshit!

This was never about
growing and evolving.

You just wanted to try some new p*ssy.

You know what?

You do need help better
than I can give you,

because you're f*cking crazy, Miranda!

You want crazy? Here's crazy.

- [GRUNTS]
- [ALL GASP]

[GROANS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

And my name is Jane.

[GROANING]

[COUGHS]

[GASPING]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUNTS] Dorothy...

- [VIDEO GAME BEEPING]
- Dorothy...

[WHIMPERS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY, SHIVERING]

[WHIMPERING]

Dorothy!

Papa?

Come to me, darling. But first...

- you must cover your eyes.
- What?

Why?

Just do as I say, please.

- [OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
- [DOROTHY] No...

[CRYING]

[NILES] Dorothy, don't look.

Close your eyes.

I did this.

This is all on me.

Cliff.

[WHIMPERING, YELLING]

It'll be all right, darling.
We can still fix this.

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUNTS, COUGHING]

Dorothy, please.

Darling...

come to me.

[WOMAN] No.

[COUGHS]

Slava.

You cannot wait any longer, child.

- Don't listen to her.
- He can't protect you.

Neither can your friends.

It is up to you...

alone.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

_

She's not here.

I know.

How dare you!

You unleashed this thing
on your own daughter!

Are you a little girl?
Or are you a woman?

[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]

[MUFFLED YELLING]

[NILES] She will always
be a little girl.

- She has to be!
- You don't know.

I know that

she cannot b*at him!

You're not Miranda, are you?

[SLAVA] It is her time.

And she must grow up.

Then who are you?

Oh...

Sweet baby.

Don't do it. Don't you do it!

Listen to me.

You can't b*at him. Look at the others.

Look at how he destroyed them.

What chance does a little girl have?

Don't do this, Dorothy,

I'm begging you.

It's all right, Papa.

I know what I have to do now.

[SLAVA] Girl...

you need a w*apon.

I can make my own.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Dorothy...

[IN CANDLEMAKER'S VOICE]
Come, girl, and meet your fate.

[SHOUTING] Dorothy!

[SOBBING]