02x12 - A Tummy Ache And A Whale Of A Metaphor

[bunniefuu]

Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab?

Sheldon.

I have a tummyache.

I'd like to see the nurse.

A "tummyache"?

Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches.

Ergo, tummyache.

Ergo?

It's Latin, Derek.

Go to the nurse.

And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.

Where were we?

And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

- Hello, Nora.

- Hey, there's my favorite patient!

- What hurts today?

- Tummy troubles.

Oh, no.

Sorry to hear it.

Let me grab your file.

Throughout my high school career, Nurse Nora and I had been through quite a few close calls...

- This is just a blister.

- Are you sure?

Sheldon, I promise you don't have leprosy.

Ooh, that's bright.

Proving you don't have hysterical blindness.

Well, can you test for just hysterical?

Oh.

Looks like you bit your cheek.

How do you know it's not scurvy?

Because you're not a pirate.

So, we've got a tummyache?

Yes.

I'm afraid it might be cholera.

Again?

I have one of the symptoms.

Okay, on a scale of one to ten, what's your pain level?

Three...

point four seven.

That's pretty serious.

But since you're at a 3.47, I'm gonna give you the strongest medication I'm allowed to give you.

You're an angel of mercy, Nurse Nora.

Ooh, cherry.

Hello?

Oh.

Hey, Nora.

What is it this time?

Okay, yeah, thanks for lettin' me know.

I'll keep an eye on him.

Sheldon back in the nurse's office?

Yep.

Let me guess.

Yellow fever.

Dengue fever.

Cat scratch fever.

Cholera.

Ooh!

I was gonna say cholera.

A quadrilateral that can be inscribed in a circle is an example of a cyclic polygon.

Sheldon, don't argue with me, I'm looking at it right here.

While Nurse Nora's special medicine had given me a temporary reprieve, my pain had escalated to a 4.9.

Although Ms. Ingram's questionable math skills certainly weren't helping.

Sheldon, you okay?

You're gonna be fine.

One good dump and you'll feel right as rain.

Can you please not call it that?

What, "dump"?

Yes.

You want me to say "poop"?

I want you to stop talking about it.

B.M.?

Dad!

Where is he?

He's fine.

He's in the bathroom workin' it out.

Shelly, you okay in there?

No.

Give it a few more minutes!

Eyes on the prize!

This is not a fecal issue!

I'm coming in.

My tummy really hurts, Mom.

You do feel a bit warm.

Okay, you finish up in here, get in bed, and I'll bring you some ginger ale.

Canada Dry?

- Yes.

- Room temperature?

Yes.

Mostly flat?

I'll stir the fizz out with a spoon.

Thanks, Mom.

Why don't you dote on me like that?

Because he's my baby.

Well, I could be your baby.

Oh, now I have a stomachache.

How you feelin', baby?

Remember the tuna sandwich I had at the bus station?

Yeah?

Worse than that.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning.

Hey, Mom, you know how twins can feel each other's pain?

You're going to school tomorrow.

I think she's gettin' smarter.

Relax, he's sleeping.

How come when I'm sick it's no big deal, but when Sheldon gets sick you act like it's the end of the world?

Because he's a fragile little boy and you're gettin' to be a big, strong man.

That's true.

Puberty has done right by me.

Mom?

Something's really wrong with Sheldon.

We need a doctor here!

In that moment, I was in too much pain to tell my father, "I told you so." But for years after, I reminded him constantly.

So how's he doing?

Aw, poor little guy.

All right, well, if there's anything you need, let me know.

I love you, too.

Well?

Your brother's gonna be fine, but he has to have his gallbladder removed.

How's he gonna pee?

Not that bladder, his gallbladder.

What's the gallbladder do?

I guess not much, if they're takin' it out.

You think he'll bring it home so we can see it?

I'll ask.

Oh, I feel terrible.

How was I supposed to know it was his gallbladder?

The doctor says it's rare in children.

Well, he's always complaining about some health issue and it...

it's usually nothin'.

I know, George.

I mean, how many times...

I'm prayin' here!

Right, sorry.

Sorry.

So, those pain meds should already be kicking in.

Then my buddy Gary here is gonna administer the gas, which'll help you sleep.

And once you're under, we'll make a little incision and snatch that guy right outta there.

Any questions?

Yes.

What kind of doctor says, "Snatch that guy right out of there?" Just trying to put you at ease.

It didn't work.

Where did you go to medical school?

University of Nebraska.

Uh-oh.

Did you at least graduate with honors?

Top of my class.

Have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Not a drop.

How much sleep did you get last...

Gary, can we...

Got it.

Just relax and start counting backwards from 100.

Wait, Gary...

Where did you study anesthesiolo...

Hard to port!

Aye aye, Captain Ahab.

Thar she blows!

Gallbladder dead ahead!

Captain Ahab, are you hungry?

Do you want a bowl of gruel?

Not now, Mom, I'm in pursuit of my inner demons.

Aye, she's a formidable organ.

Just looks like a whale.

It's a metaphor, doofus.

Arrr!

Sweet dreams, honey.

I'll try.

Your brother's gonna be just fine.

Yeah, I know.

I'll tell you what.

If I hear any news, I will come and wake you up.

Thank you.

Night night.

This is ridiculous.

They said an hour and a half; It's been almost two.

I'm gonna go yell at somebody.

Good.

Yell at everybody.

Uhp, ah, y'all can exhale.

Surgery went great.

Thank you, Jesus.

Sheldon's gonna need to stay here three, four days, which is standard, but, uh, after that he's good to go home.

Really appreciate it, Doctor.

Oh.

We can't thank you enough for takin' care of him.

He's extremely intelligent, isn't he?

Oh, yeah.

He's our special little boy.

Oh.

Are you ready to see your family?

Yes.

That's good, 'cause they're ready to see you.

Okay.

There he is, there's my baby.

Hey, buddy.

How you feeling?

I brought you some comic books.

- Hi, Moonpie.

- Hi, Meemaw.

Where's your gallbladder?

I want to see it.

They throw it away, honey.

Why?

Can I go home now?

No, baby, they need to keep you here a little while, make sure you're okay.

Overnight?

Actually, a...

few nights.

No, tell them I'm going home.

Shelly, the doctors know what's best for you.

What's best for me is to be at home, in my own bed, with my books and my computer.

Well, I can bring you whatever you want.

Just-just tell me.

I just told you: Bring me home.

Moonpie, you're looking at this all wrong.

You got your own room here, your own TV.

Is no one listening to me?

I want to go home.

I'm listening, but I have no say in this.

No surprise, despite my adamant protest, I didn't go home.

Instead, I had to stay and suffer in silence like the Southern gentleman my mother raised me to be.

What's this?

I asked for red.

All they had was green.

Well, then you and I have a problem, don't we?

Tada!

A dog.

For God's sake, it's not a real dog.

Here you go.

One O.J.

I see pulp.

No, you don't.

I strained it with a paper towel.

Now all I can taste is towel.

And pulp.

Ugh, man, it's Cooper again.

Can you take it?

Do I have to?

He asked me if all the jobs for men were taken.

I'll get it.

You just stay here and do your nails.

What?

Do you know where my mother is?

I think she went down to the cafeteria.

What do you need?

I can't sleep.

Did you try counting sheep?

Oh, no, I'm afraid of farm animals.

Of course you are.

Well, I don't know what I can do for you.

Do you know the "Soft Kitty" song?

No.

I'll teach it to you.

Get a notepad.

Okay.

I got your pillow and your blanket.

Shelly, what do you say?

Why does it smell like Missy?

You're doing great, honey.

What's going on?

This is Ricky, your new roommate.

Nice to meet you.

I am so sorry.

It's just for one night.

They said you going home tomorrow.

They also said I'd have my own room.

He better not be contagious.

He's not.

Are you sure?

Should we ask his doctor?

You just asked me and I said no.

But you're not a doctor.

Your career stalled at nurse.

Okay, listen.

I done put up with your nonsense long enough, and it ends now.

That boy is your roommate, that's the situation and you gonna make the best of it.

You get my drift?

So Sheldon comes home tomorrow?

Yep.

Everybody's thinking it, so I'm gonna say it.

This has been a nice break.

Hey.

Don't talk about your brother like that.

Since when are you on his side?

Since Dad almost let him die.

- No!

- Unbelievable.

It's either cartoons or men in their underwear banging their heads together.

You complain a lot.

Excuse me?

Seriously, dude, you need to relax.

How can I relax?

I'm being held c*ptive in a bacterial playground.

Why are you here?

I had to have my gallbladder removed.

Why are you here?

I'm having surgery tomorrow.

How come?

I was born with a hole in my heart.

My mom says everyone is born with a Jesus-shaped hole in their heart, but I'm guessing this is different.

Yeah, they're gonna put a patch on it.

And then it just stays there forever?

Yeah, like a Band-Aid you never have to pull off.

That's great, because that's the worst thing about Band-Aids.

They may have removed my gallbladder, but not my wicked sense of humor.

Whatcha working on?

A welcome home sign for Sheldon.

Oh, that's a nice thing.

Yeah, but this "W" took me half an hour.

Hmm.

You want some help?

Yeah.

Georgie, get your ass in here!

How did you find out you have a hole in your heart?

I fainted playing soccer.

- Hmm, I guess I'm fortunate.

- Why?

I don't and never will play soccer.

How did you know something was wrong with your gallbladder?

It started as a minor tummyache, then escalated to a major tummyache.

Luckily, I handle pain well.

What are you gonna do when you get home?

Enjoy a bathroom I can relax in.

Although I do like that there's a big red emergency button in there.

I actually don't mind it here.

What about the food?

It's not as good as my grandma's tamales, but nothing is.

How long has she been taking care of you?

My whole life.

She'd be here, but she's watching my brother.

My meemaw takes care of us sometimes, too.

I'm excited for my heart to be fixed, 'cause then, she won't have to worry about me anymore.

But hey, once they put the patch on my heart, I'll sort of be like Iron Man.

Technically, Iron Man has a magnet, not a patch.

And technically, I said "sort of." Touché.

Where'd he go?

Where's Ricky?

He's in surgery.

Oh.

But look what I'm doing.

I'm packing up so we can go home.

Can we wait until he's done?

I think it's gonna be a while, honey, but why don't we get a move on and then we can check on him later?

Okay.

One second.

Excuse me, Nurse Robinson?

Yes?

Will you give this Iron Man comic to Ricky?

I'll see that he gets it.

- Thank you.

- Mm-hmm.

And thank you for taking care of me.

You're welcome.

You stay healthy.

I will.

When did he become nice?

Uh, I'll get the next one.

I actually missed you.

Ain't that nice?

What about me did you miss?

I don't know.

Well, think about it and get back to me.

Ha, he gave you homework.

Sheldon, I just got off the phone with that nurse from the hospital.

Your little roommate's gonna be just fine.

Oh, good.

That's a relief.

Would you like to go visit him?

No.

Why?

Okay, here we go, Sheldon.

One "precision astronomical refractor telescope." Wow.

Thanks, Dad.

For the next few weeks, my guilt-ridden father continued to lavish me with gifts.

Then the football playoffs started and that was that.

Time's up.

What did you miss about me?