02x10 - Rate-A-Rooney

[bunniefuu]

Wow!

Guys I'm so flattered that you're singing my song.

That is my song, right?

I think we just made it our song.

Liv, check it out.

A little girl in Oklahoma made a video of herself singing "You and me and the b*at.

" Oh, I know, I saw that.

She's so cute.

How cool is it that my songs are, like, out there now?

Can I just say I am so glad that you're focusing on your music 'cause it means you'll stay here in Stevens Point with us.

Yeah, I really love that too.

Plus it gives me way more creative control.

And, I mean, from now on I really just want my songs to be about something more Important and really meaningful to me.

Well, good for you, honey.

So what kind of important things are you writing about?

Forest fires!

And litter.

All right, so yes, I am having a bit of a hard time figuring out what to write about.

What do you mean?

That sounds great.

Karen, sweetie, do you have a minute?

Oh, Joey, do you want to hear another song?

Oh, what's that, mom?

You need my help?

Be right there.

What's going on here?

I see you've met Branzino.

If that's the name you've given to the giant fish that's between me and the television, then yes.

Get used to it, dad.

But if you lie down and look sideways through his scales, you have got a clear view of the lower-half of the screen.

More clutter?

You call it clutter.

I call it interesting conversation piece.

Please tell me this isn't my birthday present.

No, no.

I bought him for everybody.

You know what I want for my birthday?

Negative five things.

Negative five things?

It's your birthday, be positive.

No.

I want five items of knickknack clutter removed from this house.

Pete, we need everything that's here.

Besides, there's not that much clutter.

Well, then why'd you put that giant fish over there?

- Because there was nowhere else to put it.

- A-ha!

Parker, you ruin everything you touch!

Well, I must have touched your face because that's plenty ruined!

Uh-oh, sounds like trouble in the bro cave.

Ugh, I hate going in there in my good shoes.

I know, I know.

What happened?

Well, I was practicing my windmill kick and kind of forgot how epic my power is.

This little, karate-chopping menace kicked part of my headboard into a priceless work of art.

You're worried about this?

Your beds are trashed.

I could sleep in a ditch, mother.

This cockroach destroyed "Joseph triumphant," a beautiful expression of love between a man and his kitty cat.

Joey, I just want you to know the older I get the more pathetic you seem.

I can't live with this monster anymore.

Guys, we need separate rooms.

You do realize we don't have an extra bedroom.

And if we did it would be my yoga/scrapbooking room.

So I'm stuck in here with Joey, who, by the way, is raising baby owls in his underwear drawer.

At least I don't jump into your bed every time there's a thunderstorm.

If you knew anything about science you'd know that thunder replicates the exact sound of an evil sky dinosaur trying to rip apart the universe!

Boys You're just gonna have to figure out a way to make sharing a room work.

Fine.

If we're stuck in here together, we'll split the room in half.

I'll roll a 20-sided wizard die.

Highest roller gets to pick which half of the room he wants or gets to reach into the bag of mystified whimsy.

Fine.

The wizard die smiles upon me.

You're up, muggle.

Your doofus dice betrayed you.

As a sworn warlock, I am honor-bound to respect the die's decision.

So, which half of the room do you want?

But choose wisely.

You'll never be able to set foot in the other half again.

I choose The bottom half.

What?

No fair.

Parker, I need a floor.

I didn't make the rules.

You did.

Do me a favor, figure this out when you're not standing on my floor.

I'll have the remains of "Joseph triumphant" sent to you in a box.

Nice knowing you, munch.

What's up, number seven?

Um This is a number five, Todd.

Five.

Is it?

Okay, so Those guys are seniors, and they can't tell the difference between a five and a seven.

My grandma's a senior and she can't tell the difference between me and my cousin Abby.

He's not talking about your jersey number, Maddie.

They're talking about your rating.

What rating?

There's a list going around that rates the hotness of Ridgewood girls on a scale of one to ten.

We are outraged.

My blood is boiling.

Rating us?

That is so beyond not okay.

Who started that list?

Todd Stetson and his jerk-tourage.

They don't get to rate us.

But they did.

I got a six.

I got a five.

I also got a five.

Hey, that's how many legs my favorite animal has, the common north Atlantic starfish.

Are we gonna just let them do this?

I mean Boys don't get to just define us, do they?

No.

Well, historically dictionaries have been written by men, so Get on board, Alex.

Sorry.

Maddie, my fury is at your disposal.

You know what?

We're gonna fight back.

We're gonna teach that Todd Stetson a lesson.

We're going to eat his heart and steal his power.

Well, that is what a starfish would do.

By taking away the floor, I've squeezed Joey out of the room.

I assume he'll end up sleeping on the couch or in the bath tub.

But it's hard to care when you're being swept away in a tropical paradise that I call, Parklandia.

Home sweet munch-less home.

Parker thought he'd outfoxed me by claiming the floor.

But thanks to my genius and the unused rock-climbing gear my parents bought me in the vain hope it would attract friends, he was sorely mistaken.

Evening, brother.

How's it going down there?

I'm glad you have a good seat to witness the birth of Sky City.

What is this madness?

I did a little remodeling while you were asleep.

The top half of the room belongs to me.

Bonk.

Ooh, better crouch down below the red line, little brother.

You're invading my air space.

- What?

- Crouch down, little man.

Crouch down.

Little lower and there you go!

Anything above four feet is all me, baby.

Fine, enjoy your ceiling.

I'd rather be down here on the beach.

Sky city will rule this room from the air.

Yeah, right.

Better get off the beach, lowlander.

Looks like hail.

Okay.

New Liv Rooney song, coming atcha.

No.

I'm just so not feeling this.

Hey, Liv.

We need your help.

So Todd Stetson and his jerk-tourage are rating all of the girls at school based on their looks.

What?

That's so horrible.

Yeah.

Well, who came up with jerk-tourage because that's really good?

I'm a six, Maddie's a seven, you got an eight, Willow and Lacey are fives.

I'm so disgusted.

I haven't even calculated our average score.

And we are not going to stand for it.

Right!

Is this not what you meant?

That is so completely outrageous.

I mean, you can't just go around rating girls like we're objects.

I feel like everywhere I turn these days, someone's telling girls who we're supposed to be.

Yeah, anytime I pick up a magazine I feel like I'm no good if I don't look like those girls.

And I don't look like those girls.

Since I was little, boys would tease me for liking science instead of girl stuff, but science is girl stuff.

I mean, what girl doesn't like a good bunsen burner.

You know what I hate?

When some guy comes up to me and is like, hey, you're really good at basketball You know, for a girl.

Like, what?

That's supposed to be some kind of compliment?

We have to get back at Todd Stetson.

You know what, Maddie?

You're right, and we can take his rating system down.

I mean, it only has power if we buy into it, right?

Yeah!

I just wish this chair had arms.

I don't know where to put my elbows.

Lacey, do I have a song for you.

Oh, you're up.

I was going to bring you breakfast in bed, birthday boy.

I want my negative five things.

Oh!

Joey, you too?

It's the least I could do for my dear old pops on his birthday.

I didn't get him anything.

Fine, this is your day.

I can do this.

Not the artichoke candle holder!

No, I gave that to Parker the day he agreed to try artichokes for the first time.

My little 'choke eater.

One down, four to go.

Best birthday ever.

It's like I can still feel it's there.

I don't even know what this is, but I know I hate it.

The overalls are a symbol of our children, when they were young and needed us, but they're empty now because they're grown.

Oh, we must never forget.

Mom, you just made that up.

All right, I found it in the street, but I love them!

And how about the mini chairs?

Which one should I get rid of?

What?

That's like asking me to choose between my babies, Pete.

If that's an option, take Joey.

I know that is not you talking.

It is your sickness.

Pick a chair, Joe.

Matter of fact, pick two.

The chairs are small in size, but they're huge in meaning, Pete!

All right, I think I'll choose ugly and stupid.

And I saved just enough room in the box for you, my friend.

Someday you're going to need Branzino.

And he was never your friend.

Sorry, dude.

If your sister's a four, she's a four.

Tell her to smile less until the braces come off.

Hey.

What do you think about this, Todd Stetson?

Whoa.

I'd call this a hot mess, but there's nothing hot about this at all.

Up top!

This is just a statement from every girl in the school to you and your jerk-tourage.

We don't care about your stupid rating system.

We are all tens, but if you can't see that We'll all be ones.

Yeah, it seems like you're trying to send me a message.

I'm gonna have to take two points off for that, ladies.

All right, well, none of us care what stupid number you give us.

Are you sure about that?

Well, our work here is done.

Later, ladies.

Willow, what are you doing?

Since when do you wear dresses?

And high heels.

Yeah, and did you Go out and buy a curling iron?

Sorry.

I know we all agreed to wear garbage bags today, but I just couldn't.

I want guys to like me.

I don't want a five.

Willow wants a seven.

Okay, but, Willow, you don't have to do this.

You don't have to buy in to Todd's awful rating system.

You're already so amazing.

Guys This is the world that we live in.

I Willow, wait.

Okay.

So, Willow's right.

This is the world that we live in, but why can't we change the world?

Changing the world seems highly improbable.

It does seem like a lot of work.

I don't even like changing the cedar chips in my hamster's cage.

Do you mind?

I am trying to quietly enjoy my individually wrapped slices of sky cheese.

Sorry, bro.

It's a slurp of joy.

Life's pretty sweet down here on the golden shores of Parklandia.

You are an earth-bound troll.

You're never coming down.

Well, I've got enough sky cheese and chocolate milk up here that I don't have to.

Guys!

What are you Wha Father The nations of Parklandia and Sky City are at w*r.

His people can't be reasoned with.

They are barbarians.

Well, I'd rather be a barbarian than a ceiling monkey.

Guys, stop this.

Look, I know it can be tough sharing a room, but when you're grown up, you're going to miss each other.

You're gonna wish you hadn't spent so much time fighting.

Thanks, dad.

You know, I look forward to the day when we're grown up and mature.

But until then Parklandia will feel my wrath and taste my cheese!

Oh, do you like cheese?

Then how about some cheese puffs?

Parklandia crouches for no one!

Whatcha doing, honey bunch?

Whoo, that's catchy.

Hey, mom.

Mom, stop.

- I'm trying to write a song.

- Oh.

I've been inspired.

So our trash-bag protest was a mistake.

There are always gonna be jerks like Todd Stetson in the world.

We can't change that.

But what we can change is the way that we feel about ourselves.

- Well, good for you.

- Thank you.

Yeah, turns out when I'm really passionate about something, the song just kind of flows out of me.

Kind of like Joey and that extra buttery popcorn he had right before riding that roller coaster.

It just thank you for that clear but disgusting visual.

Yeah.

Hey.

Sorry.

It's skylight savings time.

Good night and good luck, Parklandia.

Fine, I was gonna go to sleep anyway.

Parker, buddy, are you scared?

No.

Parklandians are fearless people.

We Come on up, little bro.

Really?

Yeah.

Told you we'd need this stuff.

Thanks, munch.

Hey, before there was Parklandia and Sky City, there was the bro cave.

Jojo's here, jojo's here.

Hey.

Liv Rooney here.

So I've written a new song for the girls at my school that I really want to share with you.

Some of the boys there have been rating us girls based on our looks, and that makes us girls feel like we have to change.

But you don't have to change who you are to fit someone else's idea of what a girl is supposed to be.

Thank you for watching, girls, and please don't let anyone tell you who you are.

You just keep being you.

Oh, Liv, this is beautiful!

Thank you!

- Ahem, inside voice.

- Oh.

I'm sorry.

I am just so proud.

You are like this generation's Carole King.

- You don't know who that is?

- No.

Thank you, though, mom.

I just really hope that my song inspires someone out there, you know?

Oh, it's inspired someone.

It's inspired me.

Oh dear.

I am not ashamed of who I am anymore.

From this day on, I wear my cape on the outside.

Spizow!

Oh Everyone shines in their own way.

Whatcha doing, honey bunch?